Image provided by: Bandon Historical Society Museum
About Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 188?-1910 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 22, 1901)
Smoked Skipper By W. W. JAOOB8, Author of “Mung Carvoct" and "Til« Shimtr'i IPooCiU." (Copyright, WOO, by W. W. J, cobs. 1 The master of tlie Susan Jane watch ed him blankly for some time and then looked around at the mate. “You won't get much change out of ’Im,” said the latter, with a nod, "in sultin little devil.” The other made no reply, but as soon as his potatoes were finished set bls youug friend to clean the brasswork and nfter that to tidy the cabin up and help tlie cook clean Ills pots and pans. Meantime the mate went below and overhauled bls chest. "This Is where be gets all them Ideas from,” be said, coming aft with a big bundle of penny papers. “Look nt the titles of ’em, 'The Lion of the Pacific,’ ‘The One Armed Buccaneer,’ ‘Captain Kidd's Last Voyage.’ ” He sat down on the cabin skylight and began turning them over and pick ing out certain gems of phraseology read them aloud to the skipper. The latter listened at first with scorn and then with impatience. “1 can’t make head or tail out of wliat you’re reading, George,” he Baid snappishly. "Who was Rudolph? Read straight ahead.” Thus urged, the mate, leaning for ward so that his listener might hear better, read steadily through a serial in the first three minutes. The third in stallment left Rudolph swimming in a race with three sharks and a boatload of cannibals, and the joint efforts of both -men failed to discover the other numbers. "Just wot 1 should ’ave expected of ’lm,” said the skipper after the mate returned from a fruitless search in the hoy’s chest. “1’11 make 'iiu a bit more orderly ou this ship. Go an lock them Other things up in your drawer, George. He’s not to ’ave ’em again.” The schooner was getting into open water now and began to feel it. In front of them was the blue sea, dotted with white sails and funnels belching smoke speeding from England to worlds of romance and adventure. Something of the kind the cook said to Ralph and urged hint to get up aud look for himself. He also, with the best intentions, discussed the restora tive properties of fat pork from a medi cal point of view. The next few days the boy divided between seasickness and work, the lat ter being the skipper’s great remedy for piratical yearnings. Three or four limes he received a mild drubbing and, what was worse than tlie drubbing, tiad to give an answer in the affirma tive to the skipper’s Inquiry as to whether lie felt In a more wholesome frame of mind. On the fifth morning they stood in toward Fairhaven, and to his great joy he saw trees and houses again. They staid at Fairhaven just long enough to put out a small portion of their cargo, Ralph, stripped to his shirt and trousers, having to work In the hold with the rest, and proceeded to Lowport, a little place some 30 miles distant, to put out their powder. It was evening before they arrived and, the tide being out, anchored In the mouth of the river on which the town stands. “Git in about 4 o’clock,” said the skipper to the mate as lie looked over the side toward the little cluster of bouses on the shore. “Do you feel bet ter, now I’ve knocked some o’ the non sense out o’ you, boy?” “Much better, sir,” said Ralph re spectfully. “Be a good boy,” said the skipper, pausing on the companion ladder, “and you can stay with us if you like. Bet ter turn In now, as you'll have to make yourself useful again in the morning working out the cargo.” He went below, leaving the boy on deck. The crew were In the forecastle smoking with the exception of the cook, who was in the galley over a lit tle private business of his own. An hour later the cook went below to prepare for sleep. The other two men were already in bed, and lie was Just about to get into bls when he noticed that Ralph’s bunk, which was under fils own, was empty. He went up on deck and looked round and returning below scratched his nose in thought. “Where’s the boy?” lie demanded, taking Jem by tbe arm and shaking him. “Eh?" said Jem, rousing. “Whose boy ?” “Our boy. Ralph.” said the cook. “1 can’t see 'Im nowhere. I 'ope 'e ain’t gone overboard, poor little chap.” Jem refusing to discuss the matter, the cook awoke Dobbs. Dobbs swore at him peacefully and resumed bls slum bers. The cook went up again and prowled round tlie deck, looking in all sorts of unlikely places for the boy. He even climbed a little way Into tbe rigging and. finding no traces of him, wns reluctantly forced to the conclu sion that be had gone overboard. "Poor little chap!” he said, solemnly looking over the ship's side at the still water. He walked slowly aft, shaking Ills head and, looking over the stern, brought up suddenly with a cry of dis may and rubbed his eyeB. The ship’s boat bad also disappeared. “Wot?” said tlie two seamen as he ran below and communicated tlie news. “Well, If It’s gone. It’s gone.” “Hadn’t I better go and tell tbe skip per?” said the cook. “Let 'lm find it out hlsself,” said Jem, purring contentedly In the blan kets. “It’s 'is boat Go’ night." “Time we ’ad a noo un, too,” said Dobbs, yawning. “Don’t you worry your ’ed, cook, about wot don’t consarn you.” Tbe cook took tbe advice and having made bis few simple preparations for tbe night blew out tbe lamp and sprang into bls bunk. Then be uttered a sharp exclamation and getting out ngaln fum bled for tbe matches and relit the lamp. A minute later be awoke his ex- ssperated friends for tbe third time. “S’elp me, cook!” began Jem fiercely. "If you don’t, I will,” said Dobbs, sit ting up and trying to reneb the cook with bls clinched fist. “It's a letter pinned to my pillow,” said the cook lu trembling tones as he held It to tbe lamp. “Well, we don’t want to 'ear It,” said Jem. “Shut up, d’ye hear!” But there was that In the cook’s man ner which awed them. "Dear cook. Uv read feverishly. “I have made an infernal machine with clockwork nml bld It Iq ihc hold uenr the gunpowder when we were at Fair haven. I think It will go off between 10 and II tonight, hut I am not quite sure about the time. Don’t tell those other beasts. but jump overboard and swim ashore. I have takeu the boat. I would have taken you, too, but you told me you swam seven miles once, so you can easy”— The reading came to an abrupt termi nation as his listeners sprang out of their bunks aud, bolting on deck, burst wildly iuto tbe cabin and breathlessly reeled off the letter to Its astonished occupants. "Stuck a wot tn the hold?” gasped tbe skipper. "Infernal machine," said the mate. "One o' them things wot you blow up the '«uses of parliament with.” “Wot's the time now?” interrupted Jem anxiously. " 'Bout ba’ past 10," said the cook, trembling. "Let’s give 'em a bail ashore.” They leaned over the side aud sent a mighty shout across tbe water. Most of Lowport had gone to bed, but the win dows lu tbe iun were bright, uud lights showed iu the upper windows of two or three of the cottages. Again they shouted iu deafening cho rus. casting fearful looks lieblud them, and iu the silence a faint answering "hail” came from the shore. They shouted again like madmen aud then, listening intently, beard a boat's keel grate on the beach and then the wel come click of oars iu tbe rowlocks. “Make haste,” bawled Dobbs vocifer ously as the boat came creeping out of the darkness. “W’y don’t you make baste?" "Wot’s tlie row?” cried n voice from the boat. "Gunpowder!” yelled the cook franti cally. "There's ten tons of It aboard Just going to explode. Hurry up.” Tlie sound of the oars ceased, ami a startled murmur was heard from the boat, then an oar was pulled Jerkily. "They're putting back.” said Jem suddenly. “I'm going to swim for it. Stand by to pick me up, mates," he shouted and, lowering himself with a splash into the water, struck out strongly toward them. Dobbs, a poor swimmer, after a moment's hesitation, followed his example. "1 can’t swim a stroke." cried tlie cook. Ills teeth chattering. Tbe others who were in the same pre dicament leaned over the side, listen ing Tlie swimmers were Invisible in the darkness, but their progress was easily followed by the noise they made. Jem was the first to be hauled on board, and a minute or two later tlie listeners ou the schooner beard him assisting Dobbs. Then the sound of strife, of thumps and wicked words broke on their delighted ears. "They're coming back for us,” said tlie mate, taking a deep breath. "Well done, Jem." Tbe boat came toward them, impel led by powerful strokes, and was soon alongside. The three men tumbled In hurriedly, their fall belug modified by the original crew, who were lying crouched up in tlie bottom of the boat. Jem and Dobbs gave way with hearty good will, and the doomed ship receded into tbe darkness. A little knot of peo ple had gathered on the shore and. re ceiving the tidings, became anxious for the safety of the town. It wns felt that tbe windows, at least, were in im minent peril, and messengers were has tily sent round to have them opened. Still the deserted Susan Jane made no sign. Twelve o’clock struck from the little cburcli at tlie back of the town, and she was still intact. “Something's gone wrong.” said an old fisherman with a had way of put ting things. "Now's the time for some body to go aud tow her out to sea." There was no response. “To save Lowport" said the speaker feelingly. "If 1 was ouly 20 years younger" “It’s old men's work.” said a voice. The skipper, straining ills eyes through the gloom in the direction of bls craft, said nothing. lie liegan to think that she had escaped after all. Two o’clock struck, and the crowd began to disperse. Some of the bolder inhabitants who were fidgety about drafts closed their windows, and chil dren who had been routed out of their beiis io take a nocturnal walk inland were led slowly back. By 3 o'clock tlie danger was felt to lie over, and day broke and revealed the forlorn Susan Jane still riding at anchor. “I'm going aboard.” said the skipper suddenly “Who's coming with me?” Jem and the mate and tlie town po liceman volunteered and. borrowing the boat which had served them before, pulled swiftly out to their vessel and, taklbg tbe hatches off with unusual gentleness, commenced their search. It was nervous work at first, but they lie- came Inured to it. and moreover a cer tain suspicion, slight at first, hut In creasing In Interest as the search pro ceeded. gave them some sense of se curity. I-ater still they began to eye each other shamefacedly. "I don't believe there’s anything there.” said tbe policeman, sitting down and laughing boisterously. “That boy’s been making a fool of you.” “That’s about tbe size of It.” gronned the mate. “We’ll be the laughing stock o’ the town.” Tbe skipper, who was standing with bis back toward him, said nothing; but, peering about, stooped suddenly and with a sharp exclamation picked up something from behind a damaged case. "I've got It," lie yelled suddenly. "Stand dear.” He scrambled hastily on deck and bolding Ids find at arm's length, with blH head averted, (lung It far iuto the water. A loud cheer from a couple of isints which were watching greeted his action, ami a distant response came from tbe shore. "Was that a Infernal machine?" whispered tbe bewildered Jem to the mate. "Why, It looked to me like one o’ them tins o’ corned beef.” The mute glanced at the constable, who was standing gazing longingly over the side. “Weil, I've 'card of peo pie being killed by them sometimes," be said, with a grin. Why She Doesn’t Borrow Troohlo. Miss Talky—Mrs. Spunge, your new neighbor, seems to tie such a cheotfiil lady. She would not borrow trouble. Miss Gabby—She would If sbe could cook or wear It.—Baltimore American. TIRED OF THE TRIP. PEOPLE Of THE DAY after the battle . Itostnnd One of the Immortals. SO HE GOT OUT OF THE BALLOON BY THE JUMP ROUTE. Aud Then When He Told the l.UK- llabmeu He Mel W hut He Hud Done They Considerately Curried Hint Edmond Rosta nd Iris been elected a member of that ex> loslve circle, the Acadetuy. He had a close call; but, It Is said, the friendship aud active sup port of Mme. Sarah Bernhardt won for tbe famous dramatist the coveted Rea.llr.ed Ilin Own Mndnean. “Now you are tired of me and abuse me,” sobbed tbe young wife whose bus band refused to hire nnother tnald to take care of her pet dog. “Yet,” she continued, “not two years ago you were just crazy to marry me.” “Yes,” answered the complacent man brute; "my friends told me so nt the time, but I didn’t realize It until after we were married.”—Kansas City Star. It Is said that some early Chinese coins were made In tbe form of keys, probably because money unlocks the heart of tbe high official. — Atlanta News. All Embracing. “I see that somebody says Edmund Kean, the most famous of English ac tors, lived to adapt the kind of meat he ate to tbe part he bad to play, choos ing pork for tyrants, beef for murder ers and mutton for lovers.” “That's a great Idea. I suppose when he had to play several parts In one evening lie ate hash.’’—Cleveland The Urewsome Incldeul tn Which He Participated at the Seeoad Hattie of Mauaeeae—A Urave Hoy aad Hie Dying Keenest. oil to un In-aue Asylum. “I went up in a balloon once, and I never want to make such a trip again,” «aid Colonel A. Noel Blakeman. "My experience as an aeronaut was In Lon don," he continued, "and it would never have occurred but for a friend 1 chanced to meet there. He was going to make an ascent, and he persuaded tne to accompany hint. “The balloon wns a feature of some big exhibition, mid every day it was Inflated and made an ascent, witli four or five passengers, in charge of an ex perienced aeronaut. There were about five In the party the day I took the trip. We got Into the basket, which was boxed in quite high, then let the rope go, and we shot tip about 3.000 feet. It was Interesting to look down on the world and hear tbe noises of London streets coming from so far below The bnlloon sailed along smoothly, ami we drifted for about eight miles. “It was when we tried to descend that the trouble began. The method was to throw out anchors ns tlie bal loon settled toward tbe earth. Tlie aeronaut said that when one of tlnse anchors caught firmly he would haul tbe balloon down to tlie tree In which the anchor was expected to become fastened. This would be done by wind Ing in the rope or a winch lu the car. We would be expected to climb out of the balloon Into the tree, he said, and he would then take bold of the valve rope mid. standing a safe distance away, open the valve, let the gas es cape. and the big affair would collapse and sink. He Informed us that we must get clear of the sinking folds, as they would come down fast, ami If they caught and covered us we would be In an atmosphere of most poisonous gas. “All this was very Interesting, but we dl<l not seem to be making very much progress toward the point where we would have to look out for tlie de scending folds of the collapsing bal loon. Tbe anchors caught lu a whole lot of trees, but they did not hold. One would get tangled In n tree, and then the balloon would sway far over, tilt ing the basket In which we were until It seemed that we would lie spilled out. Titan tlie anchor would break loose, and we would shoot up again. "I became very tired of this and told tlie aeronaut that I thought It was time to bring the voyage to a conclusion. He told me If I did not like It I could Jump out. At first 1 thought he was simply resentful of my remark, but he said be meant what be said. "•When tbe car tilts over again, you climb out on the edge,’ he said, 'and let go. It will probably be a plowed field underneath us. mid you won't get hurt.’ "Well, I did as he suggested. When the anchor caught again, I climbed out and hung to tlie edge of tbe car. When I saw that the car was as low as It was likely to get. I let go. I dropped about 12 feet. and. as he expected, a plowed field was below us. “As soon as I dropped out the bnl- loon, relieved of my weight, shot up in the air again and soared off. 1 walked to the nearest road and continued along It until I came to an Inn. "I asked the landlord how far it was to London, and he told me It wns eight miles. 1 ordered a carriage to take me there, and while I was wniting the landlord asked me where I had come from. “1 took him to the door of the inn, and, pointing to the balloon, which was then sailing along about a quarter of a mile above tbe ground. I snld. ‘1 jump ed out of that.’ “Tbe man looked at me iu alarmed fashion, and after 1 had returned to the sitting room I noticed that several peo ple peered through tbe window at me. "Finally my four wheeler was ready, Hnd I set off for London. After we had driven along for half an hour or so the coachman suddenly turned tbe borse In through a gate, and we drove Into a big courtyard. I yelled to biin and asked him wbat be meant, that 1 wanted to go straight to London, but be paid no attention and slowly circled the court. When he stopped on the other side, a man wearing glasses stuck bls head In tbe carriage, scrutinizing me closely, pulled back, said something to the coachman, and we drove on to London. "Finally we reached my lodgings, and wbeD we did so tbe coachman jumped off the box, ran up tbe steps and as soon as his knock was answered asked If Mr. Blakeman lived there. The maid was just answering that 1 did when I reached tbe top of the stops and collared tlie fellow. “ ‘Wbat was that place you drove me Into on our way to London?’ I asked bim. " ‘It was a hlneane basylum, sir,’ he replied. ‘When you said you bad Jump- •d out o’ that balloon, we thought you was crazy and maybe you was a es caped patient from the basylum.’ ’’— Washington Post A VETERAN’S STORY OF A TASSELEO TURKISH FEZ. EDMOND KOSTAND. place. Rostand needs no introduction to the American reader. We have all either seen, read or heard of ills “Cyra no de Bergerac" and “L'Alglon.” Though still in tlie early thirties, when he gave it to the world Rostand's “Cy rano” made him famous. He hail writ ten plays before and was regarded with favor In France, but it was his many sided hero with the abnormal nose that gave him worldwide fame. Sarah Bernhardt lias for years been an admirer of and firm believer In Ros tand, and the tie which bound them was made strongei when lie gave her "L'Alglon," a part nfter her own heart, lie Is writing another play for “the divine Sarah." Anecdote« Aliont J. J. Hill. Mr. Hill was one day walking down Third street, once a flourishing thor oughfare. but now deserted by tlie gen eral public. He stepped into a little to bacco shop kept by a German wlio bad known him iu tlie village days of 1800. "Hello, Joe!" exclaimed the railroad president. "How's business?” “Bnt, ferry bat. 1 haf der chop, but vere is dor beepies?" Mr. Hill glanced over the shop. There was no assistant tobac conist whose discharge could be recom mended. But Mr. Hill asked for a blauk cheek, and the following week the old tobacconist was besieged l>y “beepies” in a modern well stocked shop on the principal retail thoroughfare. Some months ago Mr.-Jllll visited the office of a railroad In the stock of which he had just obtained nil influential In terest. Glancing through the doorway of one large office room, he asked curt ly. "How many men here?” “About 85.” was the auswer. “Can’t you get along with less?” "No, we never could.” "Well, 1'11 get a man who can.”— World’s Work. Ile-elertcd by Acclnmatlon. The Confederate Veterans’ reunion recently held in Memphis was the most successful meeting ever held by that organization. There were more than 2,300 delegates present. General John B. Gordon of Georgia was re-elected commander In chief without opposi tion. and the way it was done must have warmed the old warrior’s heart. When the order of election of officers OENEBAL JOHN B. OOBDO.N. came, the name of John B. Gordon was placed before the convention, and In stantly some one shouted, "Ixtt's make his re-election unanimous.” With a mighty burst of voices "Aye!” thunder ed through tbe hall. “Let’s rise and do It again,” came a voice, and with ac cord the convention rose, and, with hats swinging In tlie air, "Aye!” again thun dered forth. .Mr. Carnegie's High Price. Mr. Carnegie Is fond of telling how he was once asked by tbe editor of a popular magazine for an article on or ganization In business. “Well,” said he, “I think I could write that article, but 1 am afraid the price I'd have to ask you would be too high.” “Oh, no,” said the delighted editor, with a vision of a magnificent “fea ture” in an early number. “I'm we could arrange that satisfactorily. Name your own figure.'’ “Well," replied Mr. Carnegie, "I could hardly afford to do It for less than $5,000,000.” He smiled a little at sight of the editor’s face and then went on; “No; I must withdraw that. What I should put into It has cost me much more than that, and of course you would not expect me to sell It to you nt less than cost.” As the diplomatist puts It, “tbe nego tiations fell through.” Rlsniarck's Philosophy of Lite. “Whenever I see a tasseled Turkish fea,” said a Confederate veteran whose attention bad been attracted by a smoking cap of that pattern lu a Canal street window. “1 atn reminded of a curious and rather grewsome Incident of my campaigning days. It was on the morning after the second battle of Manassas," he continued lu res|>onse to u request for the story, "and several of us from my company had gone over to tlie field In tlie hope of picking up a few tilings that we badly needed aud for which the dead hnd no further use — waterproofs, for Instance, and sound canteens. “During tbe previous day's engage ment you may remember that a regi ment of freshly recruited New York zouaves held the crest of a hill and were charged and almost annihilated by Hood’s brigade. They were mowed down like ripened grain and fell so thickly that their corpses literally car- peted the earth. I dare say It was as awful a slaughter, considering tbe number engaged, ns occurred anywhere In the course of the war. “Well, we hadn’t gone very far when we came to this hill and began to get among tbe dead men. The poor fellows hud been mustered Into service less than a week before, and they were said to be tlie most gorgeously uniformed military troop ever organized. They wore scarlet Turkish trousers, blue Jackets embroidered with gold bullion braid and purple fezes with long pend ent tassels. “Being just from tbe outfitters, all this fine regalia was perfectly fresh and new, nml somehow or other it added to the ghastliness of the specta cle on tbe hillside. The corpses were in all sorts of strange postures, aud their fantastic costumes gave them an air of horrible grotesqueness that I couldn’t begin to describe In words. "However, to. come to my point, I had picked up a fez to carry away as a relic and was about to leave the spot when I bapiiened to notice a much handsomer specimen on the head of a little zouave stretched out, stiff and stark, a few yards awny, with a hand kerchief over bis face. I stepperl up to make a •swap,’ but had barely touched the tassel when a low, sweet toned voice under tbe handkerchief said. Please don’t!’ "For a moment,” continued tbe veter- in, "that unpleasant protest, coming from wlint I hnd supposed to lie a corpse, made my linlr bristle ou my bead. Then I lifted tlie handkerchief and was shocked to see the delicate, refined features of a boy not over 15. lie was pale an death and evidently desperately wounded, but he looked at me calmly. 'My God,’ I exclaimed, what a lad you are to be here!’ ‘I'm afraid I'm dying unless I have help.' tie replied 'Do you tblnk the surgeous will be around pretty soon?' The Lord knows!' 1 groaned, for tlie boy’s cour age touched me to the heart. 'Your surgeons have all run away, and we ■ inly have a few. with more wounded than they can attend to.’ 'Then I guess all I can do Is to lie here quietly and die,’ he said in tbe same gentle voice. 'Can yon get me a little water before you go?' "I took Ills canteen ami hurried down to a branch nt tbe foot of the bill. ^Iiere the first thing I snw, by the wn.v, was the corpse of n zouave float ing In a pool. I went up the stream far enough to get out of tbe horrible death zone, tilled the canteen with pure wa ter and was soon back nt the boy’s side. I gave him a drink, nnd be thanked me. Is there nothing else I can do?’ I asked awkwardly, because I knew our com pany wns under early marching orders that morning nnd Hint It would be Im possible for me to linger much longer. Nothing at nil. thank you,’ be replied. •No message to anybody? ‘No; noth ing, thanks.' "I turned away most reluctantly and find gone only n few yards when I heard his thin voice calllug me back. 'Excuse me.’ he snld. ‘but I want you to nccept this ns a present.' nnd be banded me Ills fine purple fez. 'No. no,’ I exclaimed, grently embarrassed; ‘I couldn’t think of tnking IL When I started to a little while ago. I thought you-you’— ‘Thought I was dead, of course,’ he Interrupted. 'Well, I soon will be. nnd that other fez will do me Just as well. 1‘lense put It on my bead nnd take mine.’ I saw that he would be hurt unless I did ns he desired, so I took the fez and went away. “In less than half nn hour our com pany was on tbe march, and. needless to say, I never heard anything more of the little child zouave. He wns badly wounded nnd undoubtedly died where I left him. I kept the fez a long time,” idded the veteran, "but It was finally lost, with other odds nnd ends. In the general confusion following the war. I'd give some money for it today.”— New Orleans Times-Democrat. The Good Effects of Apple Kalina. The npplc Is such common fruit that few are familiar with Its remarkable efficacious properties. Every body ought to know that the very best thing they enn do Is to cat apples just before re tiring for the night. Tbe apple is nn excellent brain food, because it tins more phosphoric acid In easily dig'-tcd shape than any other vegetable known It excites the action of tbe liver, pro motes sound nnd healthy sleep and thoroughly disinfects the mouth That Is not all. Tbe apple agglutinates the surplus acids of the stomach, helps tbe kidney secretions and la one of tbe best preventives known of diseases of the tliront.—Journal of Agriculture. Hue Still Nicer. Capital Wanted. I To extend certain Department», purchase Fall Stock, and develop to fullest extent one of the oldest «nd und lur¿cat hi r ¿cat Mail Order H ousch on the Coaat, so it can supply every demand equal to Eastern Department Stores. ' w ........ ,•.... .... . .... . We otter, for ... tin- tirst time, ... an ------- inter«st ...... in the business, through the purchase of sharcsot preferred stock, and which are guaranteed by the largest owner in the store to pay 10 percent per annum. It is a good investment. Holders obtain 10 per cent co-operative reliate on good-. purchased, lieaides monthly dividend. Otter gisxl for a limited time only. No speculation simply an investment in a legitimate and increasing business conducted on a strictly cash Basis and careful methods. Write or call for particulars. • Smiths’ Cush Store (Incorporated). Owned and operated by B ai « i . av J. and H. A. S mith , the original founders of the store in 1870. I I lupo riera and Dealers in ÖLAKt, MOFFITT & TOWNt A Hook llniiter’« Worry. The worry of finding tliat a book is Incomplete Is often tn be expected. Often most rei»|>evl;<ble looking books have a page missing somewhere. One cannot trust even a folio that has been connected with religious houses nil its life. It muy be invincibly Island lu the strongest calf; It may have ilissisl all its quiet, unread days behind glass and be as clean as on the day on which It wns Issued, uud yet page 341 may have vanished. We once kue« a man who had a firm belief in the devil ami for this reason: lie said tlint he could hardly count the Imperfect books by w lilch lie had been misled In his time, and In nearly every ease these books had a highly respect able past. They had grown mellow In monasteries or had been carefully toml ed lu great libraries, where they «ere never touched except to be dusted, it seemed morally impossible tliat harm could have come to these books, aud yet each one had a page missing some where. Therefore he was reluctantly forced to the conclusion that tlie devil was In it. He supposed tliat when the devil was In need of more quotations he abstracted a page from Home little read book, choosing It both In order that lie might obtain a reputation for wisdom and also that he might not be found out. We do not uphold this theory, bnt we do recommend tlie book limiter, so far as possible, to collate every book of any Importance which he may con template buying. -Macmillan's Maga zine. Book, Newe, Writing and Wrapping... 8TOOK CARD STRAW AND BINDERS' BOARD . Fl mt St. T« l . main 199. Kt SAN FRANCISCO. THE CUSTER rates. Country patronage solicited, and no pains will be spared to make them comfortable during their visit 90(1 Market St., San Francisco« Telephone Red 304 M RS. RANFT, Prop • AM MARTIN For 28 year« with C, E. Whitney & Co. CHAS CAMM For 3 years with C E. Whitney & Co. NEW COMMISSION HOUSE MARTIN, CAMM & CO. 121-123 ItavlB St., San Francisco. General Commission and Produce. .Specialty, Butler, Eggs and Cheese. » Donhled tlie Fee. A clergyman who used to be a pastor of a church 111 Kansas City says that on one occasion he hail rather an amus ing experience In marrying a young couple in that city. "The gentleman,” said the clergy man, "was a handsome, noble looking young man and the brldi« to be more than usually beautiful. It was plain to be seen that the prospective groom thought lie had secured the one prize In all the matrimonial market and was correspondingly elated. "Just before the ceremony the gen tleman handed me tlie marriage license to see that It was nil right. Inside the license there was a crisp $5 note, plac ed Hiere as the fee. Tlie couple stood up before tlie few witnesses lit tlie par lor, the ceremony was gone through with, and they were pronounced hus band and wife. The first tiling the new husband did was to draw bis wife to him and Imprint a fond kiss on her sweet lips. It seemed to thrill him with unexpected Joy, for, Immediately turning to me, he said, 'Parton, 1’11 be ■witched If I paid you enough for tills job,’ and. pulling from bls pocket an other $5 note, he thrust It Into my hands.”—Baltimore Sun. Your consignments solicited. Must Healthful Coffee In the World. All the world knows that coffee in exeeasive use is injurious. And yet the cotlee lover cannot stand taste less cereals. There has to this time Is-eti no happy medium between Café Bland tills the void with the Is-st elements of both. It is richer than straight coffee, and many will not be easily convinced that it is not all cotice. But we guarantee that Café Bland contains less than fifty per cent coffee, which is scien- tifically blended with nutritious fruits and grains, thus not only displacing over fifty tier cent of the caffein, but neutralizing that which remains and still retaining the rich cotlias flavor. To those who slitter with the heart, to dyspeptics and to nervous people Cafe Bland is especially recommended as a health ful and delicious beverage, so satis fying that only tlie member of tlie family making the change in tlie codee knows there lias been one. More healthful, richer and less ex pensive than straight coffee. Better In every respect. 25 cents per lb. Your grocer will get it for you. Ask for Jefffriou a* an Inventor. Mr, Jefferson Invented the copy lug press. He writes to Mr. Madison In 1787: “Having a great desire to bare a portable copying machine and having studied over some experiments with tbe principle of large machines made to apply In the smaller one, I planned one in England ami had it made. It answers perfectly. I have set a work man to making them, and they are of such demand that he has bls hands full. I send you one. You must ex pect to make many essays before you succeed perfectly. A soft brush, like a shaving brush. Is more successful thau a s|H)nge.” He also sent a copy ing press to the Marquis tie Lafayette as a present. He Invented the revolv ing chair, uow n familiar and neces sary article of furniture lu all offices and counting rooms. Tbe Federalist newspapers used to call It “Mr. Jeffer son's whirligig" and declared that he had devised It "so os to look all ways at once.”—Chicago Herald. WoiJertal Maslcal Memory. Sir John Stainer hnd a wonderful musical memory. It was put to the test once at tbe Crystal palace when he had to play tbe organ In tlie “Mes siah" and a folio copy, on which alone he could see the score, was not forth coming. The conductor was iu despair. Sir John cut the knot by n wonderful tour de force, playing the part fnult lessly right through nnd entirely from memory, probably tbe only time the I “Messiah” lias been so rendered. I Tbe Toothpick Habit. "I'd like to know what my custom ers do with all the toothpicks they car ry away," remarked a restaurant pro prletor the other dny. "Few men tnke a single toothpick. Most of them tnke half a dozen and many n whole band ful. aud wbeu they come In here again for the next meal they take as many over again. They don't need them. It's i all due to the toothpick chewing habit. Which seems to be growiug. There Isn't anything particularly pleasant about chewing a wooden toothpick, and It may be Injurious If a piece of the wood lodges in the throat or gets down into tbe stomach, as it Is very apt to. But tlie toothpick chewing habit is be coming n rival to the gum nnd tobacco habits. The only reason I can give for It Is that tbe toothpicks are free aud gum and tobacco are not.”—New York 8un. Pronounced cut-tuy—accent on last syllable “Henry IX." It is interesting to recall that. Just ns Edward VII of England chose bis second baptismal name as tbe one by which he « isbed to be designated when he mounted the throne, so like wise Ids great-uncle, William Henry, would have preferred to be known as Henry IX. One of the reasons for this preference was the desire to establish lawful right to a title which bad al ready been arrogated by tlie cardinal of York, tbe last of tlie Stuart pre tenders. When tlie question, however, cauie up for discussion in the privy council, the latter decided in favor of King William IV. This story was told by the king himself to Miss Helen Lloyd, the governess of his children. He nddisl Hint the privy council was moved to this choice partly by fear of exciting the superstitions fears of the populace, «lm still bore in their mem ory a prophecy dating from the seven teenth century, which runs ns follows; Henry the Eighth pulled clown monks .nd their cells; Henrv the Ninth shall pull down blabops and ' bell«. —Literary Era. When Matches Were Introduced. The Atlas, a London newspaper, pub- llsbetl on Jan. 10, 1830, tbe following paragraph uudur tbe head of “Instan taneous Light: “Among tbe different methods Invented for obtaining light instantaneously ought certainly to be recorded that of Mr. Walker, chemist. Stockton-on-Tees. He supplies tbe pur chaser with prepared matches, which are put Into boxes, but are not Hable to change In tlie atmosphere, and also with a piece of fine glass paper folded in two. Even a strong blow will not inflame tbe matches, because of tbe softness of tbe wood underneath, nor does rubbing upon wood or any com mon substance produce any effect ex- rept that of spoiling tbe match. But when one Is pinched between tbe folds of the glass paper and suddenly drawn out it Is Instantly Inflamed. Mr. Walk er does not make them for extensive sale, but only to supply tbe small de mand In his own neighborhood.”—New castle (England) Chronicle. With dutiful trust In God, dig In the Mrs. Newma- Oh. I wish you could spurs and let life, like a wild horse, see Mrs. Winkler's baby. It’s perfect tnke you flying over hedge nml ditch, ly lovely! Such a delicate, sweet little resolved to break your neck, and yet creature ns it Is! It’s a perfect little fearless, Inasmuch ns you must some cherub, with the loveliest eyes, tbe The historic plains of Abraliam, uear Snnffed Out. time part from all that is dear to you sweetest little mouth, th» cunningest Friend-Wlmt became of your poem 1 Montreal, have been nppralsed by an on earth, though not forever. If grief little nose and eyes of heavenly blue. ■‘Xpert In the pay of the Dominion gov Is nenr. well, let him come on, but until It looks as If It hail just dropped from called “Light. Beautiful Light?” ( Poet (sadly»-The editor turned It ernment. He declares the land to lie he arrives do not merely look bright heaven and every tiny feature had Plain Dealer. worth 1137.000 as real estate. Tlie dawn. — Philadelphia Record. and blessed, bnt lie It. too, and when been fashioned by tbe angels. Ursuline nuns, who own the land, offer Mr. Newma Is It as nice as our It’s not tbe fellows who don’t know sorrow comes you lienr It with dignity Don't wait until your friends are to sell for *30,000 If tbe government things who make existence wearisome. —that Is to say, with submission and baby? Mrs. Newma Mercy! No; not half dead to give them flowers.—Atchison will give them another piece of prop It’s tbe fellows who think they da- hope.—Love letters of Prince Bis ' irty worth *30,000. marck. as nice. 1’earson’s Weekly. Globe. Sioux City Journal.