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About The Coos Bay times. (Marshfield, Or.) 1906-1957 | View Entire Issue (July 14, 1911)
r, " THE COOS BAY TIMES, MARSHFIELD, OREGON, FRIDAY, JULY 14, 1911-EVENING EDITION. IflilFfSi.ilL KfifoSuwl MaaMlH,HUBMiHHnMMIIMHMl s$ J,' .! w L' K ' '- 1 A WIDOW'S WANTS Br M. QUAD Copyright, 1810, by Asioelated Lit erary Prtsa. It was Kcuorally understood lu tlio vlllngo of Crowoll that Dcncon Hen derson bad hh cyo on the Widow Gla zier. Wliy not? Tuo deacon was flfty-flro and a widower and wanted a liouio. The widow was flfty and lono iy. Deacon Henderson dropped Into tlio widow's cottngo ono day, and after complimenting her on tier hollyhocks uud tomato vinos bo said: "Wlddvr, do you know what tlio folks aro saying?" "La, no I" "Tbey aro saying tbat you'n mo otiut to get married." "Uut 1 can't get my brcnthl It's all no sudden. Deacon, if wc got mar ried we'll llvo in your bouse, won't wo?" "Wo will." "And you'll put down a now carpet on tbo parlor floor?" "For why? Tho ono tlioro is a good one." "It's a rag carpet, and it's twenty years old. I helped Sarah cut and sow iho rags. I shall want a hrusscls with patterns of roses." "Uml Too much extravagance" "Then 1 won't marry you." Tbo dcncon wont nway in a huff and trying to make himself bcllovo tbat ho bad n lucky escape. Ilowovcr, aft er thinking it ovor for n weok be re turned to say; "I guess I'd bo willing to buy that carpet." "Hut I wnnt something clso. Wo nitiRt hnvo threo laco curtains. They must bo long 'nulT to swoop tho floor." "Storo carpet mid Btoro curtains!" nuoutcd tho deacon In dlsmny. "Why, wlddpr, you'd bankrupt us lu n month! No. nol flrccn paper shades nro good 'niifr for us." "Then I guess wo won't got mar ried Folks hnvo hinted that you was stingy, nnd now I seo you arc." Away wont tho. dcncon for the sec ond time, and for two days bo pnttcd himself on tho back. Ho could flguro that lift had saved ovor $50 on tbat deal. Tbo nig carpet unci tbo paper hades looked good to him us ho sat In tbo parlor, bnt after threo or four days ho found tbo old loneliness creep ing ovor him. Ho would give In to her. Ho wnltcd ono day nioro and thon called on her under protenso that bo bad mislaid his family almanac nnd wanted to know when tho moon would bo lu her third quarter. Aftor I finding that out ho mild: I "Woll, wlddcr, mobbe you nro right Inbout tbo enrpot and curtains." "Deacon, I'vo boon thinking slnco 'you wore horo wo must hnvo four stuffed chnlrs to put in that pnrlor to n wiui wiu now carpets nuu cur tnlnsl" "Saints nnd sinners! Bturfed chairs! Bin tTed chairs lu our parlor! Never, Wlddpr Glnzlor, novcr! Tbo enrpot and curtains would tempt 8ntnn 'uuff. 1 don't proposo to risk nny mora," "Four stuffed chnlrs, doncon, nnd mabbo n sofa to boot." "I'm going homo. Good day!" Thoso stuffed chairs, with nn addi tional sofn looming up in tho near fu ture, woro a shock to tho deacon. Tboy meant oxtrnvnguncoj tboy raonnt Tnnity: tboy mount tho breaking down of long erected barrlors. No; it could not bt. no must continue bis lonoiy II fo by bis lonosomo. Ho did coutlnuo It for ten long days nnd nights. Then ho wont otot to nsk tbo Widow flin tier If the tstcr bug had yot nppcnred In her gnrden nnd to offer to lond her tomo prU grucn to dopo him with if bo bad. No, tho bug bad not appear od. Dnt the, dcncon bad other things to say leaning on tho woll curb nnd tlio widow itnndlnir In hor kltriimi door, he observed: "I s'poBa ono enn sit down on n stuff 1 chnlrt'' "Oh. yesl" "And tbuy don't mako n body vn!n?" "Never hoard of It" "And tboy nro wuth tho mouoy you hnvo to pay for 'cm?" "Tlmy sinvly nrol" "Woll. wo might got 'om. Bhnll wo U umrrltMl next month?" "I-I duuno. What nbout your bouso?" "Why, It's there In tho same- old place, ain't it?" "Yes, but tt iiwtls rennlntlnir." "You moan It wants another coat of whltownHh. Well, mo and you will do that togiKher." "Uut wo won't, deacon. It's gofto m nalnt-reul paint, nnd two coats nt that. It's got to bo pea green with darker greeu for trimmings." For tho nrst tlmo In bis llfo tho den ou Iwt consciousness uud things whirled around with him When ho braced up tho widow was saying: "And now front steps, and n' now Bldowalk, and n now picket fence, and n pump In the woll, nnd then wo must imvo brans bedsteads nud china dish- va." Tbo doncon got home with shaking knees and fell upon tho bed nnd sent for tbo doctor nnd the mlnUtor. Tho doctor said he'd get woll, nnd tho min ister said ho wouldn't lewo his soul wen by having a Bold framed mirror In tbo parlor It was a terrlblo strug. gle. but after two woeks tbo day was et and a marriage duly followed There were those who llmuglit tuo deacon would droop n.uft die, but ho didn't. Ho Is halo nnd hearty nnd very lttfl n I.I. .-. . . .ivu U4 ,ua who nnu H0U80 nnd stuff Hi chairs and things, and ho may even have n bell nt tbo front door before ho goes hone. The Trouble With the Meat. I Stepping into a. miml! restaurant, o I grouchy old man demanded of the i waiter u certain piece oi wem uo uuu , In the show window. "But." said tjie waiter, "wo" "No buts." rcpllod tho old' man. "Too bring mo what I ask for or I won't got nnythlng hero nt nil." Bather than lose a customer, tin waiter did ns ha was told and, getting tho niece of meat, took It back to be cooked. After n long wait tho meat was brought to tho customer, who, In stead of thnnklng tho waiter, said. "Look here, young man, what is tht matter with this meat?" "Nothing Is tho matter with It, sir. except that tbo paint on It has formed a fow blisters from the beat" "Why, what do you mean by that?" asked tbo old man. "Simply this," replied tho waiter "Thoso pieces of meat you saw In the window wcro not mado to cat. Tboy woro mado for advertising purposos, but yon Insisted, sir. upon having ona of 'em." Philadelphia Times. Napoleon's Custodian at 8t, Helena. Sir Hudson Lowo. tho man appoint ed by England to bo the custodian of tho emperor, arrived at St Helena on April 14, 1810. His nppcaranco was not prepossessing. Ho was extraordi narily thin, with a stiff carrlago. Ho bad n long, bony faco blotched with red nnd scanty hair of a dirty yellow color. His hollow oyes gleamed nndcr thick reddish oyebrows, but wcro furtivo and restless, novcr looking straight at nny ono save by stcnltb. "That is n bad man," declared No poloon when ho hnd seen him. "His cyo ns ho examined mo was llko a hyena's caught In a trap." no really resembled this horrid, sly animal In Its walk as well as in hair and eyes. Ho nover sat down when he was talking, but swung nbout besltat lugly nnd with abrupt Jerks. Stokoe, "With Napoleon nt St Helena." "" A Dud Boy of Colonial Days. A notebook of n Justice of the pence In Connecticut In the year 1750 speci fics the behavior of a certain small meeting house boy as follows: A rude und Idel bohavor In tbo tnot Ing bows sucb ns smiling und Inning and lutiselng others to tho samo ovll. Such ns lartlng or smiling und pull ing the heir of bis nnybor bononl slm kin In tho time of publlck worship. Such ns throwing Sister Pontlcost Perkins on the Ice It being Saboth Day or Lord's Day between the meting hows nnd his pines of abode. Bliss, "Sldo Glimpses." The Bridge of Colli. Among the many works carried out by tbo late Sir John Alrd is tho most oddly named bridgo In tho world. This is in Peru, on the railway from Lima to Oroya, spanning n deep and precipi tous chasm over COO feet wide and resting on threo gigantic piers, Many of the men employed ou tho work wcro ex-snllors, whose training onn- bled thorn to work at dizzy heights. Although the work was neccssurlly of a most dangorous character, thcro woro comparatively fow accidents. But nn cpldomlc of bubonic plague broko out. So tbo bridgo was ofllclnlly christened Pucnto do las Verrugas, or Bridgo of Bolls, a namo which It still retains. Sp mSwrM waft jWMBfc!f The Stork's Lazy House Building. Tho most Interesting sight in tho Botterdnm zoo was the stork, whoso nest Is set high ou n pluuaclo of tho buffalo house. Ho was building In tho leisurely stylo of tho British work Ingmnn. Ho would negligently de scend from tho heavens with n Btlck. This ho would lay on tho fnbrlc nnd thon carefully pcrfonn his toilet, look ing round nnd down nil tbo tlmo to seo that every ono else wns busy. iicnovor nis cyo iigutcu on a touuung child or n perambulator it visibly nrtgiiteiied. "My truo world" ho seem ed to say. "This nest building is mere bypaths of Industry." After drinking nnd overlooking nnd congratulating himself thus for n fow minutes be would stroll off over tho housetops for another stick. Ho wns unquestionably n king of tho garden. Lucas In "A Wanderer In Holland." The Elualve Fly. Any one who has tried with out stretched band to cntcb n fly cannot fall to havo noticed its wonderful alertness In escaping. "Ono rensou for this," oxplalns n naturalist "Is the fact that tho tty was wntchlng the movements of Its would bo enptor out of nil or most of Its 8.000 eyes. An other rcasou for its rapid retreat is that instead of seeing ono baud com ing toward It tho fly would have ucen at least 7,500 bands nil looking alike nnd nil moving down upon It In the samo direction. A third reason of the fly's nlmbloncss Is Its ability to vi brato Its wings nearly 700 times in n second and to travel through tho air at a rate of n mllo in two nnd a half minutes or twenty-four miles nn hour." DR. EDW OLNEY Is healing peoplo of all kinds of dlsonsos. Peoplo aro coming from far nnd near suffering with rheuma tism, kldnoy nnd llvor troublo, honrt nnd lung troublo nnd nro henlod. No mnttor whnt your troublo you can bo henlod. Thoso In surrounding towns unable to corao to tho ofllco wrlto and ho will malto arrangements to see you. Clnsscs formed, ovory day nnd thoso wishing tho work call at tho ofllco. COOS HOTEL ItOOM 200 Hours 0 to 8 p. in Consultation Proo cir' Try Tltnos' Wnnt Ads. WATCH! NOTICE! Homor Mnuzoy, an of tho drivers nd tho solicitor for us la out for sundry. Watch him! ho la llablo to stop you on tho strcot and oxplaln all details of Laundry nnd alao to be at your homo nny time. Ho knows Laundry business from to Z. Marshfiel Hand and Steam Laundry PHO.V.. 220-J The Way Out. A well known Boston physician wns on his wny to his ofllco ono winter morning whon tho nldownlka were n glare of Ico. Whllo going down tho street ho met a lady coming In tho opposllo direction. Tho lady wns a Htrangcr to him, although ho was not unknown to hor. In trying to avoid each otlior on tho icy pavoment tboy both slipped nnd enmo to tho sldowalk, facing each oth cr, with their pedal extremities consid erably entangled. Whllo tbo pollto doctor was dobating In his mind what was tho propor thing to do under tho trying circumstances tho problem was solved by tho quick wlttod lady, who quicuy remarked: "Doctor, If you will bo good enough to riso nnd pick out your legs I will tako what remains.- BERRIES for CANNING Wo havo a limited supply of borrlcs that wo enn offor nt tho following prices for entitling r.nly: EXTRA FANCY STRAWIJEHRIES PER ORATE $2.00 FANCY STRAWBERRIES riiH CItATK 82.23 FANCY llASPIIEHKIES PKIt CHATI3 S2.7n LOCMNBinUUKS. . . .. rKU CKATU $1.25 PJIONB YOtm OHDEIt TO THE BAZAR rnoNB 32 Abstracts, Real Estate, Fire and Marine Insurance Title Guarantee and Abstract Co. IIKNItY 8nNG8TAClCEN, tfgr. Coqulllo Offl.'o Phono 181 Marshfleld Office H-J. Farms Timber Coal and Platting Lands a specialty. uensral Agents "BASTSIDB" Safety Valvee of the World. Torrlflc as aro tho forces of voleanlo action, tboy havo served and do yot servo their ordained purposo In tbo magnlucotit echomo of cosmic develop ment Volcanoes form n natural vent for tho pentup Internal forces result ing iroui mo slow cooling nnd consoll datlon of tho oarth's mass. They uct ns tbo safoty valves of tho world, with. out which tho crust of tho oarth would lu all probability burst with exploslvo force and with n resulting cataclysm appalling to contemplate Volcanoes tend, lu fact, to nialutalu tho normal stablo equilibrium botweeu tho Intorior uud tho outer surfuco of tho world. ,,, Slrono Hold. iMii-uieniiienis witu thousands of I subjects havo shown tlmf !, o. man attains his maximum strength In his thlrty-tlrst year. Jill A woman's stroncnem i -- eight, 1 siipposo. "Why 7" "Uavon't you noticed how tboy bold x to It?" Youkors Stntesuinn. I Your Sunday Roast ROAST IH3KF Wo havo It ready for you. 8weet nnd Juicy. ROAST MUTTON ROAST PORK Union Meat Market i-uuno us xour order. Phone 58. r - on A Richer 8trlke. Is It truo tbat Maudo refused a uiau worth a million?" "It Is." "Was Bho crazy or In lovo?" "Neither. Sho accepted a man worth two mlllions."-Boston Trauscrlpt Dodnlnn Indigeitlon. Hoax BlllOns was engageI to an neiress. I wonder win- h.. iri, i. . nn I M , "'' "" "U"Ck f "UlEOStl0n. a id tbo doctor told him to avoid al rich things-Philadelphia BecotxL ., , Spiteful. Miy do you bato him?'" eirinigonw.S" UU0Ck",ff m t0 the "What did ho tell her?" "What my balary ls."-nou3ton Post Tii . . W ene. 1. 1 ,8?n 8h0 wusn't 'ookng I m. ,d hc,f' Slob-What did sho do mobbs-Refused to look at mo for tne rest of tho ovemng.-Pblladelphla R Apricots and Cherries Are not likely to be cheaper and may be higher Large shipment on Redondo Place your orders with your grocer now, early, and don't get left Don't Kick Yourself For forgetting your winter's supply of wood, Order now and bo happy later. Dry Timber Ends While they last, we have on hand a fine lot of DRY blocks for fire place and stove woodi r i ORDER NOW C. A. Smith Lumber & ' Mfg. Co. Broadway Yards Phone 190-J DRAIN-COOS BAY AUTO LINE VIA ALMX3ANY NOW ItHADV IX) K 1JUSINEI3S LEAVES AIAIISIIFIELI) DAILY BOAT LEAVES ALEUT LANDING, MARSHFIELD OjOO A. W. ARItlVK DRAIN -i P. M. SAW! DAY. TICKETS FOR SALE AND INFORMATION AT THE BUSY COR. " NER DRUG STORE, TIIONE 08 "THE FRIEND OF COOS BAY" S. S. ALLIANCE EQUIPPED WITH WIRELESS CONNECTING WITU TIIE NORTH BANK ROAD AT PORTLAND SAILS FROM COOS BAY FOR. PORTLAND. SATURDAY, JULY 15th NORTH PAJIFIO STEAMSHIP COMPANY. PHONE 44 O. V. McGEORQH, Agtfat PAST AND COMMODIOUS STEAMER REDONDO EQUIPPED WHTI WIRELESS SAILS from SAN FRANCISCO for MARSHFIELD Sunday. Julv 16th INTER-OCEAN TRANSPORTATION COMPANY C. F. McGEORGE, Agent. Phone 44 "FIFIELD" THE ONLY WAY TO 'FRISCO HAY" The Steamer Fifield WILL PROBABLY SAIL FROM BANDON FOR. SAN FRANCISCO, SUNDAY, JULY 16th STOnr Pn 8ALB AND IN 0RMATI0N AT Httvjws cigar r EQUIPPED WITn WIRELESS STEAMER BREAKWATER ALWAYS ON TIME ITt 'LT.V AT A- " 0N Y " saim pnoii roniMND at sehviob op mm tidb on jtov L. II. KEATING, AGENT PnONE MAIN 85-L For Exceptional Bargains In Business and Resldfin.n ... . . .. .. . County-Sea tho v " a W"n Uon1-and acreage In Coos ""eieBi FAST SERVICE TO ROSEBURG nvTtlTj' " Mar8,U,eId at 'clock ery morning, con noct vIU tho evening train to Portland. Fnro 80 00 - PHONE 11 -.-!. J &iard Investment Co. LOGGIE BUILDING NORTH BEND OREGON lk) -. m-r. -1-r-A - ' 'ffjygjtgyaB y--A-