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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 11, 1908)
THE STJyD AY OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND, OCTOBER 11, 1903. Hiippf ME BY" c WIN 5.C0BB ( 't LIKE the bwt In the world to I go down on Long bland for the VanderbUt cup race." said the Hotel Clerk of the St. Reckless. "Will tt be much of a show?" asked, the House Detective. "It a aura to be." aaid tba Hotel Clerk. 'I don't know of any race to equal It and we've bad aorae rather fair ones In bygone days. Just look 'm over. How we carried the Newt From Ghent to Alx; any standard sixth reader. How Sal vador Won; a universal favorite with young lady eloeutors. The Race from Bull Run to Washington, an easy win for the Union force.. The Alton B. Parker Race. The 8cheoectady-to-Troy Walking Rar. an endurance contest for actors. Jlnw Kissing Cup Won the Derby: a race that was to the King's taste. The I.ltt!e Johnny Hayes, formerly called the .Marathon, a race that was not to the King's taste unl'ss you're meaning one of the Kings of Ireland. And many others. Oh. there's plenty of great race tt you're a mind to look through the anna Li of history for them. Larry, but this VanderbUt Cup Race haa got the rest chained to a stationary washstand. according to my way of thinking. Look what It does every year for the cause of true sport. And look what It does for the Coroner's office. "The preliminary heat la a pretty six able event In Itself. They nearly always have one or more attractive casualties through the Inability of some Impetuous contestant to mow down the telephone pole at Horseshoe Bend or Coffin-Trimmer's Curve without doing things to his own spine and shoulder blades, or losing a leg; from which, therefore, we derive the name, elimination trial. It does very well for a starter but 'tia the cup race proper that really brings the glow of pleasurable anticipation to the rugged cheek of every licensed sexton In Nassau County." "Pid you ever see one of "em run off r jked the House Detective. "Tes. three seasons back," said the Hotel Clerk. "But It foil short of prov ing the unqualified success that the others of the same series have always been. There was nobody killed, not even one of the hired hands working by the day. We came away feeling rather dis appointed, considering what we'd been led to expect ' "Didn't I see In the papers here lately where Willie K. VanderbUt said he wux gnln' to kirk out of the racin" gamer" satd the House Detective. "Why Willie K.?" asked the Hotel Clerk. "Why. simply because he haa money, should we treat a simple Van derbUt with more formality than we do our candidates for President? Call Mm Rill. Since vou mention It, I believe Hill K. VanderbUt did say something about nulttlrjr the racing after this year, but only I presume so far as the pub lic highways are concerned. I under stand he's going to popularize some less cx-itlnsr form of diversion such as shoot ing oil wells with nltro glycerine or div ing for warle In the Indian Ocean. I don't bUme him either. Like- so many FT JIM NA51UM. ppAKE It from me." said the Old I Sport, as he laid down the paper. "thla wave of re form that is breakin' out all over the country like prickly heat under a flannel undershirt Is goln to give your I'ncle Sam a severe headache If somebody don't soon put a crimp in it. "Well. I don't know." replied the sporting editor. "I guess there's a thun dering lot of things splattered around I'ncle Sam's back yard that need re forming. Dad." "Tes. that's all right." replied the Old Sport, "but them ain't the things that's beln" reformed. If It was. you'd see a different bunch of guys dotn' the reforming. Now. I aln"t knockin" against l-.onest reform, but this stunt of a bunch of political scavengers breaking their teeth on soup and then biting a chunk out of a cobblestone is what gets my goat. And when It comes right down to cases, that's Just what a thundering kt of these reforms amount to. These Ituys on I'ncle Sam's Rules Committee are the original kids at straining at a frnat and swallowing a camel, as long as the rakeoff on camel flesh holds out." What particular reform has started you going now. Dad?" "All of them," replied the Old Sport. "It seems that every dub who gets It Into his knot to set up In the reformin" business tackles the Job by sticking a bunch of leeches onto Uncle Sam's sporting blood. And if this thing keeps up you can take It from me that these political leeches will some day drain the last drop of sporting blood out of your Uncle's veins, and then this little old dump of a country will hit a slump that will soon have the Stars and Stripes looking like a dtshrag and the American eagle moulting with the mange. "Take mv tip. sporting blood is a mltrhty good friend to have running thronsrh a man's veins. And when a lot of long-faced reformers, who have w run out of things to reform, allow themselves to be pulled into a. stnnt by a bunch of brigands who see a chance for a holdup, and they get to gether and hit some branch of sports a . craek on the knot, take It from me they're helping to put Cncle Sam in the hospital. "Our forefathers, who carved this little dump of a country out of the wilderness and kicked the redskin out of the back yard, who wrote the Dec laration of Independence and made the Stars and Stripes sometr.insj more than a rag flapping Sn rte breeie, put in their spare time when they wanted a rest from building a nation by betting their buttons on the ponies on the vil lage green, and bare knuckle fights for the championship of the province were a duly stunt. George Washing ton owned fast horses and wasn't too good to put a bet down on his own rats, either. Hut I'll gamble that the guv who would have been caught cor nering the wheat market In those days when I'ncle Sam was a kid would have been kicked Into the primeval under brush. Now. in this mollycoddle age they try to shove It Into us that John Smith Is a criminal for betting on a horse rare ovor in Brooklyn and Sam Jones Is a criminal for opening a Jack pot up In Harlem, while Reggy Van Der liuysen is a clever financier for betttng on Amalgamated Copper down In Wail treet. If this is Justice, they've got to show me. When It comes right down to cases the guy who Decks Ols judg ment on a horse Isn't a blamed sight worse than tho guy who backs his Judgment on the stock exchange, and no amount of legislation is gain' to others of our exclusive speed set he haa discovered through bitter experience, alas, that traversing the city street or country road at even the moderate gait of say R to M miles an hour Is fre quently fraught with annoying mishaps and delay. He's had a set of eighty-dollar tires practically ruined through running over a Connecticut peasant that was carrying home a roll of barbed wire. Barney Oldfield suffered a distressing dent In his front dashboard from a grind atone which some evilly-inclined wight had deliberately loaded Into the back of his farm wagon, well knowing how dis astrous the results might be to the first racing machine that undertook to pass on through from the rear. And E. R. Thomas Is even now In a hospital be cause of the criminal carelessness of some law Jersey vandal who would persist In having metal mountings on his family carriage. So. until the besotted authorities awake to the necessity of enacting legislation that will prohibit persona of the lower orders from ven turing on- the public thoroughfares with hard, blunt articles or edged tools on their persona. Bill K. Is going to cut out those little Informal dashes along- the turnpike and through the narrow country lane. But hie Interest In the great sport ing event which bears his name is In no wise abated. " "Tls a glorloua sight there among the fertile kraut fields and boiled dinner pas tures of Long Island. Larry, when they re assembling for the start of this classic event of the year. At the wayside the sumac has lit its crimson candles and the golden rod gleams richly In the fence corner. The pennon foliage floats to earth leaving the white limbs of the syc amore naked and bare, regardless of any feelings which Anthony1 Comstock may have on the subject. The dawn. In rus set mantle clad, breaks In the East, tell ing us that somewhere In this broad land of ours tt Is time for the condemned man to arise early and eat a hearty breakfast. The tang of a Fall morning sweetens the air and lo, the sun shoots forth Us first red spear, to fall athwart the brow of the fallow meadow land, crowned with Its diadem of billboards re ferring to Trlmblln" Whisky and Squose ln Corsets. "From every direction along the rlboon llke highroads that gridiron the Autumnal landscape, all speeding toward the com mon trystlng place, come the panting cars, all full to overflowing with persons, many of whom are In the same fix. At the grandstnnd. with Its clustering throngs, a brilliant scene Is presented. Hundreds of the most prominent people In society are gathered there, some with their present wives or husbands, and others without them. Here we And one of our most-married matrons, discussing with a comparative novice who's only faced the officiating clergyman a paltry two or three times, whether Reno has anything on Sioux City as a place of tem porary residence fpr six months every other year. There we see a fashionable party seek ing to fortify their systems against the rigors of such an early rising with simple IN-THE STRETCH." j jflfl I H-P change their batting average on the Recording Angel's score book either. If consistency Is a Jewel, as some wise guy has said, it seems to roe that there are a thundering lot of guys In politics who don't care much for Jew elry. And when It comes right down to cases on this bettln' question. I've got a good-slxed hunch that the guy who bets on a horse race stands Just as good a chance to cop a season pass to the Pearly Gates as the reformer who reforms at so much per reform. "It's all well enough to talk about progress and hand out the bull con about the world gettln" better than it used to be: you can't shove it into me that all these reforms owe their origin to that fact. When the state of Ken tucky goes against race horses and booxe tt gives roe a good-slxed hunch that there Is a blamed sight more back of a thunderln" lot of these reforms than a daflre on the part of the people to be good. Why. the first thing that butts into your mind when you hear the name of Kentucky is booze and fast horses, and the kids down there have always been weaned on nose paint and taught flgurln" by chalkin" up odds on the blackboard. Take It from me. that bunch down there have knocked out the props of their growln community, and without booxe an race horses Kentucky "II soon be marked on the map with an asterisk. "Yes. airland iake my tip. Uncle Sam's lunches of cold game pates, eked out by sips from bottles containing the four-dol-lar-a-quart brand of souseparilla soda pop. Merry laughter rises In a silvery chorus as some society favorite or favor ltess chugs up with sprightly accounts to tell of having spread a fat market woman all over the Jericho turnpike. 'Tls a scene to delight the heart of every true lover of outdoor sport. "But this panorama, inspiring though It may be. Is as nothing. Larry, to what happens when the signal Is given and the throbbing monsters start, one . by one, upon their death-defying, speed-devour IN WHICH HE HANDS OUT A LITTLE TALK hat tin" average will shrink up worse than the woolen shirts in the soap ads if they don't soon put a check rein on this legis lation against the sporting spirit. They can't throw the bull con Into me that the world is a blamed bit better now than It was in the good old days when the local heavyweight champion could crawl out of his mill clothes and go out Into the cow pasture and splatter a few adversa ries around over the scenery before sup per, and nobody else considered It any of his business if a guy wanted to plunk down his bank roll on a skate at the County Fair. Now they've got the box ing game down to what they call a scien tific basis, and we've got to stand for a couple of dubs play-In" pussy-wants-a-cor-ner for six rounds with pillows on their hooks, so they can't muss each other up. That was bad enough, but when a bunch of mollycoddles with faces ling enough to lick the bottom of an Ice cream freezer get up on. their hind less and hand us the spiel that football Is too rough and we've got to draw the line at checkers and Copenhagen, and that It Is criminal to put down a bet on the ponies, and when a fellow can't even lug a bottle of bitters on h hip In some parts of this land of freedom without getting his mug in the Rogue's Gallery, then I get a good strong hunch that the American Eagle la moulting and the Goddess of Liberty has jcone off duty and laid down on the sofa in the back parlor to take a nap. "And when they tell me that I -can't go down to the track and put down a bet ing dash around and around and thence, perhaps. In a southerly direction througn the massed spectators at Casket Handle Turn, across the plowed fields for 100 yards or so, under the Jersey bull, over the lowing klna and into the side of the distant barn as far as the center hay mow. "For, mind you, Larry, the most excit ing details are frequently not visible to on the skate that I like, but that I can go Into Wall street and bet my head off on the stock that looks good to me If I want to, then I get a hunch that some wise guy has pumped an opiate Into the Goddess of Liberty. "There's nothing to It, when a sport le prohibited from backing his Judgment on a horse and the financier and the specu lator is permitted to go right ahead and bet his shirt on the stocks that look good to him it ceases to be reform and be comes unjust discrimination. And when they hand out this slush about playln the races makln' criminate and suicides out of the guys who pinch the dough to put down a bet when they get a hunch on the ponies, take It from me that Hades gets a blamed sight bigger importation of souls from Wall street than from all the pool rooms and race tracks that have ever been Invented. "Anyways, when it comes right down to cases on this gambling question, what is our whole blamed existence but a gamble? Haven't I got as good a right to bet that my three aces beats the little pair that I have a hunch you're holding as the guy who runs that dump store across the street has to bet the wholesaler that he knows what the public wants? And haven't I got as rood a right to risk my money on my judgment at plckin a horse as yon have to risk your happiness and your life on your Judgment in pickin' a wife? You bet your boots I have. And what's more, playln" the ponies or ' nrxRE MA CAUSE V the elect In the gsfcndstand boxes. Grouped about the sudden curves, which add spice and variety to the course, the populace at large witnesses not one fin ish, but many. At any Juncture a skid ding tire may cause some dare-devil driver to make a short detour through the assembled multitude, only to whisk back upon the high road, with eyes still glued to the front, and resume his mad ON REFORM IN SPORTS. slttin' in a poker game Is a more even proposition, because the guy who backs a horse or bets on a poker hand knows the chance he is taking, but you can't tell when you buy a pound of prunes or pick a wife. "No, sir, you don't see any of these reformers tryln' lo legislate the mar riage lottery off the boards', and let me tell you right here, that there is a gamble that has playln' the ponies chased clear under the table for uncer tain chances. You don't get any odds even, when it's a hundred to one shot that you'll lose, and every skate is a favorite. Then there is some chance to dope out what a horse will do from Its pedigree and last performances, but you can never tell what a woman will do after you get your bet down. She may warm up like a world beater and have everything on the track smoth ered to a whisper till all bets are in and the books closed, but when she goes to the pole she is mighty apt to balk and show a surprisin' reversal of form, then it's too late to hedge, and you've got to hunt up an affinity. "But without kiddin". Sport, a little honest gamblin' Is a mighty good train In' for a kid. The kid who has been raised to take a chance on a long shot that looks good to him Is goin" to have something on the guy who is sitting around waiting for a sure thing to turn up when he goes out to buck the busi ness world. Take it from me, the kid with a gamblin spirit who can look dened whirl against time. , while with his free hand he removes from his brow traces of an innocent though undeniably mussy bvstander. Thus It happens that the fashionable along the home stretch mav have to content themselves with de ciding who they'll marry next time, and watching each racing machine as it swings by. looking something like a fren zied tailor's goose and something like a four aces In the mug without dancln' a hornpipe has copped one 01 tne essen tial lessons of success. Yes, sir, the whole blamed world of business is a ramble, a system of taking chances, and the kid who cuts the most ice when he goes out to stab the world In the face is the one with the gambling spirit. "And yet a bunch of dough heads, who don't seem to be hep to the fact that there is something more than the Runaways Became Famous Continued found one who accepted his services, and was happy. Wounded in battle and stowed away for repairs in a Philadelphia hospital, this runaway soldier lad was taught to read and write by a Sister of Charity. The war over he went West, became a Gov ernment scout, was Crook's chief of scouts in his campaign of "76 against Sit ting Bull, took a prominent part as scout In various campaigns against the Apaches and stayed with the army until '86. His fighting experiences, which came of his running away, gave him the material, and his education, which also resulted from his taking French leave of his home, gave him the implements with which he has gained the sobriquet of "the poet scout" since retiring from the army. Joaquin Miller, the "poet of the Sier ras," and, in his day, also a scout, was 13 when he ran away from his home in Northern Oregon to the sopthern portion of the state, where, he had been told, gold was to be picked up almost any where. When he reached the. gold coun try he fell in with a Heidelberg educated scamp known as "Montana Joe," became the latter's companion and servant, and In his company dug gold and fought the few boys ever ran away in order to better their country. This, however, was the object that led the now famous Marquis Ito, one of Japan's elder states men, and the famous Count Inouye to run away from Japan. Ito was a pretty old "boy" when he sneaked out of Japan in company with Inouye. He was 25. but as far as knowing anything about civilization proper he was more of a baby than Is the average run away of the tender age of 8 or 10 years. For. let It be recalled, Japan, when Ito and Inouye skipped out. was living unto itself In contentment; In- fact, it was be cause they feared being detained at home by the government that Ito and Inouye secretly rowed out to a ship bound for England, asked to be taken aboard as passengers, were misunderstood, and had to work their way half across the globe as common sailors. They had other expe riences in London of the nature that fre quently befall the average runaway: but despite hunger and other privations they kept their eyes and ears open and when they returned to Japan were able to point out clearly that their country would not be a great power until it had put away childish, things and taken up with West ern ways. The regeneration of Japan dates in large part form this runaway ex pedition of the Marquis Ito and the Count Inouye. There recently died an old-time theat rical czar who began his career of enter taining the masses by running away with a traveling clrcua when he was 8. This was Tony Pastor, and more than one actor of today could tell you that In his earlier days It was the dream of his life to appear before Tony Pastor, and, if pos sible, to secure an engagement from him metallic casket in the act of spontane ously combusting. When one of the really enjoyable tragedies of the day occurs, the grandstand audience probably receives the edifying details only at second hand. By the time they can reach the spot the sou venir hunters have carried away every thing that the Coroner Isn't sitting on. and It's rare that one is able to pick up even a knee-cap or a pivot tooth for the curio cabinet." "Wot's the good of It alir Inquired the House Detective. "I've been trying to tell you what a triumph it Is for a splendid sport." said the Hotel Clerk. "And besides, look at the help It is- to a growing American Industry." "Did an American oar win the time rou seen It?" persisted the House Detective. "No." said the Hotel Clerk. "But one started. I distinctly remember the In cident. Cheers from thousands of patriotic throats, or any way cheers from seven or eight throats, rent the air as the American entry' w-as carefully lift ed out of the temporary receiving hos pital where they'd been making It fit to capture the magnificent trophy. Away It went, and it was evident that, with the exception of a slight list to star board and a touch of asthma in Us breathing, all was well with the car carrving the hopes and the ambitions of this Nation. But at 8:80 A. M.. SO minutes after the race started, smoke was seen Issuing from a dark mans at the side of the road by OfTlcer O'Shau nessy. as he patrolled his beat In the Second Ward of Mineola. At first glance the officer was lead to believe that he had discovered an outrage committed by the Black Hand. From that dis tance it looked to him as if some mis creant had set Are to n abandoned tin-peddler's wagon after stealing the horse. Approaching nearer he seemed to detect a slight motion In the smoul dering ruin, but whether forward or backward he was unable to say until he drew still nearer, when ho observed that in answer to the blows which were being dealt upon its vitals by two excited Individuals, attired re spectively in the garb of a driver and a mechanician, the object was making progress at the rate of from three to five inches per minute. It then dawned upon him that the apparition must be the American car upon its first lap. It was In fact the American car en gaged in sitting upon Its own lap. . "The race as I recall. Larry, was won by a French chaufTeur sitting in a German car with a Swede assistant beside him." "Where did the United Stales come In?" asked the House Detective. "The 1'nlted States." satd the Hotel Clerk, "furnished the soil for the track and the list of Injured." mere value of money coming to you the Bkate von have your pile down on nosing out the favorite in tho stretch, get on the reforming Job and try to legislate the sporting spirit out of the hands of posterity. We're certainly due to hit a National slump, old man, and all I'm thankful for Is the fact that I have lived in a sporting age and will have climbed the Golden Stairs before the mollycoddle age gets In full swing." From Page 4. so great, at one time, was the old clown's power In the theatrical world of the country. (Copyright, 1908. by the Associated Liter ary Press.) Vanity and Pestilence. Leslie's Weekly. . An argument lately advanced against the wearing by women of the plumage of certain birds makes a strong appeal to philanthropic feeling. The marabou storks of India are that country's most industrious and useful scavengers. The good work In street cleaning done by these birds is to a large degree preserva tive of the health of the people in the cities of India. Conditions in those towns are notoriously unsanitary, and under present circumstances it Is necessary that the marabous be allowed to increase, rather than be diminished in number. The popularity-of the feathers for the making of boas for women has caused havoc among the marabous. During the past two Winters vast numbers of the birds have been killed for the sake of their plumage, so that the species has been threatened with extermination. Should this actually happen, the death rate from fever in Summer In India would mount with great rapidity. The Footsore Man. Chicago Evening Post. In days that we know as historic. Men tried to get onward with speed; Bvr.antlan and Persian and Doric They once In a while had a steed But this Is a statement quite truthful. On life's mighty blackboard 'tis chalked: Since when all creation was youthful Some of us have walked. The chariots rolled through the highways When Caesar was setting the style. But trudging through alleys and byways gome of us found each block a mile, Wa envied the rich and tne mignu. We gaped and we glared and we gawked. Though others wore foolish and flight-. Some of us have walked. When railways were built. It was stated - We d never more wear out our slioeit, But Just the same paths were located For us, the unlucky, to use; With fate It Is useless to medille, For always and ever we re balked Upon our extremities pedal Soros of us have walked. The automobile makes us scurry To give It the whole boulevard And If It Is In a big hurry We Jump Into somebody yard. What though they become second-Banded And then for a trifle are hawked? By fate or by fortune commanded. Some of us have walked. The airships full soon will be flying With people aw happy as kings. But we on the ground will be trying To dodge monkey-wrenches and things. The lucky will cleave the empyrean With whistle and toot and with squawk But a in th ages Assyrian 6ome of us must walk. . . Oh how of the coming hereafter? Will so& of us slowly trudge by And frown at the rollicking laughter- Of them that are able to fly? I shudder and gloomily mntter The words that my fancy will balk; Will some of th! folk gayly flutter While some of us walk?