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About Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937 | View Entire Issue (July 1, 1920)
10. THE MOItXIXG OltEGOXIAy, THURSDAY, JULY 1, 1920 iltonuurr (Stegomnxi KSTABLISHKD BY HENRY I-. P1TTOCK. l-ubllshed by The Oregonian Publishing Co., 1J3 Sixth Street, Portland, Oregon. C A. J1UKDBX, K. B. PIPER, Manager. Editor. Th Oregonian la a member of the Asso ciated Preas. The Associated Fress is exclusively entitled to the uae for publica tion of zl new dispatches credited to it or not otherwise credited in this paper and also the local news published herein. All rights of republication of special dispatches turein are a!to reserved. subscription Kates Invariably in Advance. (By Mail. T-.'.ty. Sunday Included, one year $8.00 aunaay included, six months . . -i--o i.uly, Sunday included, three months. L-ail.Vj Sunday Included, one month o Daily, without Sunday, one year 0.00 Lally. without Sunday, six months .... lally, without Sunday, one month .... .00 Weekly, one year - l.oo banday. one year ....... 5.00 lliy Carrier.) Daily, Sunday Inclpded, one year $0.00 Isily, Sunday inciuded, three months.. li.o Liaily, Sunday included, one month 7o Dally, without Sunday, one year 7. So Xaily, without Sunduy, three months.. 2ally. without Sunday, one month 03 How to Remit. Send postofflce money order, express or personal check on your local bank. Stamps, coin or currency are at owner's risk. Oive postoffico address In full, including counry and state. Postage Rate. 1 to IB pages, 1 cent; IS to pages. 'J cents; 34 to 48 pages, 3 cants; 50 to 04 pageB, 4 cents; 60 to So paves, 5 cents; bJ to 00 pages; 0 cents. Foreign postage, double -rates. KsKtrrn Business Office. Verree AV Conk lm. Unniis'lrK ouildlnx. .New York: V'crres & Conklin. Sieger building. Chicago; Ver ree & Conklin, l-re Vress builing. Ue trolt. Mich. San Francisco representative, Tt. J. Bidwell. INSEKMLY. In his zeal to enlist support for President Wilson's policy on the leugue of nations Homer S. Cum mings strove to arouse sympathy for him on the score of his illness and to inflame partisan resentment against his opponents in the senate fci not formally expressing sorrow. For impropriety and downright insincerity this appeal to sentiment as a reason for suspending public discussion of a question of the most ". vital importance to the nation could hardly be surpassed. For all that the senate or the . public knew of the president's condi- t:on, there was no occasion for such unusual action as a formal vote of sympathy, much less for suspension , of the treaty debate. Mr. Cummings' statement that Mr. Wilson was "struggling with a terrifying Illness " ar.d at times close to the point of death" is the first intimation the people have had that his condition was so grave. The only information that the public had when Mr. Wilson abandoned his tour last September war- that he had suffered a nervous breakdown, and all intimations that his complaint was more serious were positively denied at that time by his physicians and others who spoke for him. It was insisted that he was ,'.able to attend to essential public , . business, and 'this belief was sus tained by the fact that within a month after he returned to Wash ington a Thanksgiving proclamation appeared over his signature: in November by his activity In efforts to settle the coal strike. Not until several months after he retired from the sight of the public did one of his physicians reveal that he had suf fered from anything so serious as thrombosis. He himself supported the fiction, if it was a fiction, that - his illness was slight by rebuking and dismissing Secretary Lansing for holding cabinet meetings in his U 1 1. I II l I, If Mr. Cummings statement were - true, the president's-physicians and others in a position to know the ,"':. facts grossly deceived the people by ; '; deliberately concealing a degree of inability which- under the constilu- tion would have required the vice president to assume the office of '.. ..u president. But the public is justified " in crediting the members of Mr. , Wilson's own household rather than a politician who strives cunningly to inflame the passions of his party at the opening of a campaign which will decide where shall rest control of the government. In fact, Mr. Wilson's anger at Mr. Lansing's assumption that he was physically disabled warrants the presumption that a resolution of sympathy from the senate would have been equally relented. I he popular decision is not to be J- influenced hy specious appeals to M-numem with regard to the presi dent's health. While proper sorrow is felt at his illness, the choice be , tween the parties will be governed ..by their records, by the policies which they put forward and by the character and ability of their candi dates. terest is to be added to the principal and is to pay compound interest, the total then due will be $12,350,000, 000, which at 5' per cent would re quire annual payments of $618,000, 000 in cash or its equivalent. The re sult will be a small excess of imports. An expected increase of tourists' ex penditures will have the same effect. Delay in ' payment of interest on loans to the allies will add to the in fluence of those payments, when they do begin, and will make the balance of trade turn outwardly against us unless other influences counteract. Most important among these in fluences is likely to be American in vestment abroad. Exclusive of gov ernment loans to the allies, these amounted on March 1, 1920, to $2, 143,790,167. '.There may be a con tinual outflow of American capital, which would either balance accounts or cause an excess of exports, but this would steadily increase the in terest payable to this cduntry until it reached the point where imports showed an excess, and this condition is considered inevitable. The most promising fields for in vestment abroad are the countries which face us across the Pacific, and those of Latin America. They may prove more inviting than Europe un til the economic stability of the lat ter continent has " been restored. There is a far better prospect of rap idly increasing trade by raising the standard of living among Asiatics than by restoring the industries of Europe, though the latter will later offer wide opportunity when Europe has settled down. China and Siberia are almost virgin fields for develop ment if the little that has been done is compared with the much that can be done. would care first for the rights of America, for domestic security and prosperity, but he would not hold aloof in isolation: he would have 'a. big conception of our obligations to liberty, justice and civilization" and would extend "a helping hand to new republics." That we may make America safe from the'assaults of its two enemies, militarism and bolshevism, and that we may be in a posftion to stabilize- the old world, he would first stabilize this country. That is the way to national safety. the way to do our part as a big brother among nations. In SOMK CANDID CHARGES. a statement singularly direct and confident the special committee of inquiry, concluding its investiga tion of the gasoline shortage in Oregon, declares its belief that the oil companies have employed deceit to promote a higher price, and that the shortage is a deliberately manu factured master-stroke toward that end. It may be said the members of the committee, personally concerned in the effects of the shortage, speak with undue heat but it is equally true that their conclusions reflect a common suspicion, and that their report is the only1 concise explana tion thus far given. The oil com- pe-nies have issued fragmentary and technical statements purporting to give the reasons for the failure of service, but scores of independent iconoclasts have assailed these ex cuses as lame and insufficient and have even offered apparently au thentic figures to confute them. The companies have the right of trial in the court of public opinion and they err if they cherish the delusion that it is not necessary for corporations in serving the public to give adequate report of that service and the reasons for its failure. When the committee of inquiry charges that gasoline shipped in from inde pendent sources to various Oregon communities, where the established companies had proclaimed the short age, was met by a sudden flow of corporation oil at reduced prices, it brands the oil companies with accu sations that must be replied to. The public has its rights as well. Indus try demands the reason for an un announced upheaval in' an accepted means of transport. In the light of the'eommittee's report it is pertinent to inquire why and by what miracle the rod of competition causes oil to gush from barren' tanks: " ' It may be that the oil companies are in the grip of a genuine shortage. If so, there is no valid reason why they should not submit complete and satisfactory proof; no reason why they should not reply with candor and directness to any questions asked them. The report of the committee of inquiry awaits its answer. THE OBVIOCS THING NOT DONE. Though the whole country, and other countries, are hungry for the lumber of the Pacific coast, sawmills shut down because they have no means of getting . lumber to those who want it. Every city calls for more houses, and the Pacific coast has 80 per cent of the standing timber in the United States that is available to build them, but shortage of cars forms a gulf between the forests and the eastern cities which cannot be bridged. If wooden lumber ships were built in large numbers, they could take the place of cars for lumber destined for the Atlantic coast and some dis tance inland, also for foreign coun tries. The shipping board has many wooden ships for sale, but they were not designed to carry lumber. If the Willamette, Cowlitz, Lewis and other rivers had been made navigable and if river ports had been improved with facilities for quick. cheap handling of freight, lumber could have been carried to Portland and Columbia river ports on barges or in rafts, there to. be loaded on deep sea craft. If waterpower had been developed. short electric roads could have hauled lumber to the rivers for transfer to these craft. The remedy for the car shortage does not consist only in building more cars and engines or in enlarg ing terminals. It consists in using the means which nature has pro vided and which only await improve ment and use. But the rivers are not made navigable because there is no traffic, and there is no traffic because they Are not navigable, and development of waterpower has been delayed until labor and capital are scarce and costly and until the cost of development has more than doubled in six years. How much longer shall we continue to reason in a circle to explain our not doing the obviously right thing to do? yeers before they succeeded in stay- f ing in the air for twelve seconds; j two years more before they made i their historic flight of twenty-four i miles in thirty-eight minutes, thus capturing the honor of the invention for the United States. Fifteen years constitute no long period in the de velopment of a world, yet these years have seen flying in heavier-than-air craft made a commonplace. The prize offered for the fastest time in the coming flight around the world starts at $100,000. Prob ably it will be largely added to before the event is held. It would not be surprising if it grew to a million. Undoubtedly there is a profound sporting interest in the flying game. Yet the winning of the money prize v.-ill be the least of the thrills of the contest. To have been first to cir cumnavigate the globe by air will be to attain fame comparable with ttat of Marco Polo, Christopher Columbus and Admiral Peary. Grad ually we are narrowing the field of exploration. Merely crossing a con tinent confers relatively small dis tinction. The explorer who pines to have his name in the school histories of a century from now will need to make haste. It is not easy to see what there will be left to thrill us after the great world derby has been staged. Stars and Starmakers. By Leone Cais Baer. BY PRODUCTS OF" THE TIMES TTTE FITCRB OF TOREIGN TRADE. ?":.. . Of great interest to Pacific ports !s a pamphlet on "The Future of our Foreign Trade" by Frank A. Vander- -., lip and Prof. John H. Williams of ITilll 'Prim-ton. From a "study of the trade ;,'J . balance for 1919 and from the condi- ' , tion of International finance, present J.and prospective, the writers draw 'onclusions which are rightly hedged about with conditions, as allowance ....T'-must ' be niado for many doubtful Quantities. 4.":'." ln- 19i9 the United States had the TV'T Ereatest favorable trade balance in its history, amounting in merchan- dtse and silver to $4,435,000,000, but . . ii liiij oclvuu nau yj i iiic yttir ci" '...'"...". Torts, decreased and imports in-i---.'.' .creased, making the favorable bal J"; since for the second half $927,000,000 --ress than that for the first half of the year. Though normally gold would have been imported under ZT.. Such circumstances, there were net ZCZ' exports of $291,651,000. Imports from Europe to settle its adverse trade balance were prevented by em bargo, but our embargo on gold ex- toorts was lifted and most of our ex T ports went to pay for excess of mer- ehandise imports over exports from Latin America and Asia. These facts on the surface point to a new swing of foreign trade, in which imports of merchandise may equal and possibly ; exceed exports. This, however, is Involved with the Invisible items investments abroad Z and foreign investments in this coun- try and interest payments oh each 2, side, freight earnings of ships, money brought in by immigrants anxl their remittances" to other countries, and J expenditures of tourists. The total American investment abroad, includ- ing government loans to the allies. Is rTAbout $13,000,000,000 against only ZJT.aboot $l.t00,000,000 of foreign in- 5 V 'vestments remaining In this country. """i!s will create a balance of interest in favor of the United States which " will tend to be paid in merchandise J t" and therefore to swing the balance, ; exclusive of invisible items, against us. ' - ; - But this influence will not be fully -felt until after 1023. for funding of i government loans to the allies has : .:. deferred beginning of interest pay .- ments till that year. As deferred in- ha ruincs vrew or foreign roi.icv. Senator Harding's phonograph speech is just what the American people need to get the right view of their relation to other nations. The war, America's long effort at neu trality, the sudden change to a belli- gf.rent, the league controversy and ir.c internal aisturoances wnicn ac company it have distorted the mental vision of many. These people need to correct their mental vision, that they may see in its true proportion this nation's duty to itself and to the world. We can now see that our effort at neutrality led to an excess of that aloofness which Mr. Harding depre cates, the more so because hyphen ism on the one hand sought to draw us into unneutrality favoring Ger many, on the other hand to draw us into the war on the side of the allies before our national interests were attacked. To determination not to yield to either of these influences may be ascribed in part the admin istration's persistence in neutrality after the Lusitania crime gave good cause to. intervene. From that time on the conviction grew that we held aloof in disregard of our duty to defend our rights and the imperiled principles on which the republic is founded. The sentiment that we fought to "make the world safe for demo cracy" and that we must take a hand in regulating the relations of all the warring nations was- an extreme produced by, release from the res traint under which we had held our selves.' Seeing that in the main the war was a decisive struggle between the opposing principles of democracy and autocracy, many Americans were disposed to "go the limit" in adjusting the troubles of Europe and the near east and in helping the struggling democracies to their feet. President Wilson undertook to trans late this sentiment into action by forming the league of nations and by pledging us to fight against aggres sion everywhere. He overlooked the fact that when Germany was beaten and deprived of its navy, our national aim in going to war defense of our right to trade and travel by sea was gained, and the end which we sought in common with the allies safety of democratic nations was attained. The enthusiasm of war having cooled, calm thinking began. It led many to insist on definite limits to our intervention in world aftairs. because they realized that America s first duty was to itself. Revulsion of sentiment from Mr. WTilson's new Internationalism drove others to irreconcilable opposition to any co-operation with other nations. Mr. Harding advises a middle course between the extremes of in tervention and non-intervention. He VETERANS OF THE INDIAN WARS. There can be, in the nature of events, few more reunions of the veterans of the Indian wars of Oregon. .Those conflicts came to pass from sixty to sixty-five years ago. The youngest survivor already ha., lived longer than the scriptur ally allotted time. There are few left who can recall the stirring scenes in Portland when the troops were moving, when military men were familiar figures on the streets, and when the home workers were busy improvising comforts and sup plies that were lacking in the equip ment furnished by the government War then -was not the mechanical science that it has sin'ce become. The youngsters of the late fifties who answered the call for "volunteers did so in clear .knowledge that upon the perils of combat with a barbarian foe would be superimposed physical hardships almost without precedent, and- such as since have seldom been duplicated. Yet there was no turn ing back. The pioneers then firmly believed that if their homes were to be pro tectcd, if the territory was to be made safe for whites to live in, theirs would be the task of making it so Oregon was politically as well as gtogTaphically remote from the na ticnal capital. Experience with government red tape had not estab lished the regulars in the confidence of the populace. There were bicker ings over details" when there should have been action; there was delay when time was vital and there was luck of co-ordination when a sharp, decisive blow would have forestalled a war. In such an atmosphere the volunteers were recruited. The people of the territory were loyal to the flag, but strongly inclined to rely or, their own rifles and material resources for defense. The wars in the north and south which followed fade into insignifi cance by comparison with the world war just ended, yet there were veter ans here to attend this year's reunion who could tell the younger genera tion of soldiers a tale or two that would be not without interest even Tor a seasoned doughboy who has done his bit in France. The point is not that one or the bther deserves, or is inclined to lay claim to, exclu sive or superior merit, but that in the motive that actuated them all are equal; that each gave the best that was in him and that each loy ally obeyed orders and accomplished that which he set out to do. The story of all war is the story of pat riotism and sacrifice, and if it proves anything it is that these have been common . in every generation of Americans. ' The fast diminishing body of men who pursued and fought Neu Perces and Modocs long before the first steam railroad came to Oregon have the satisfaction of knowing that they can pass the torch along to successors worthy of the trust. UNMANNING THE PUMP. All the world knows the fate of the pitcher that goes too often to the well, but what of the milkman who visits the pump? While comic paragraphers and village wits made him their thick-hided target, even while the old oaken bucket decanted its profitable quota into the milk pail, science had an eye on the milkman and planned his confusion. The apparently impossible task of proving that water had been added by unscrupulous milk dealers was tackled and successfully accomp lished by chemists of the food and dairy department of Minnesota. And n that state the crooked milkman. never representative of the dairying industry, realizes that a gill of water to a gallon of milk will be apparent under laboratory tests. He presents a sad picture, indeed, as he sobs a last farewell to the friendly old pump. It was all very simple. Natural milk has a comparatively fixed f;eezing point. over which the amount of butter-fat contained therein exercises no influence, inas much as the fat is not in solution, but Is held in Suspension. It has leng been known that any substance dissolved in water causes a variation of the freezing point. The freezing point of natural milk is about half a degree under zero on the centigrade thermometer. When water is added the milk is transformed to ice sooner than when it was unadulterated. And the greater the amount of water the greater this tendency to congeal at a higher temperature. Instru ments that measure and record this inclination, from samples submitted, afford readings that are surprisingly exact, and that have resulted in convictions under the Minnesota law The tendency to cheat is one of the most critical derelictions of the financial instinct. Milkmen who water their product are symbolical of thievery in its most contemptible guise. As pirates they are pikers. and as pikers they are several de giees lower than three-shell opera tors and gold-brick endorg. Honest dairymen wilU.VejbiCe to know that a. means has been discovered to compel honesty throughout their sorely-tempted vocation. Hamilton Revelle, leading man with Mrs. Fiske. has ended his playing of Georges Durand in "Mis' Nelly of N" Orleans. Following the fall of the .final curtain" In Seattle last week he had played this part close to 600 times. Sir. Revelle left at once for southern California, where he .intends to take a much-needed rest before entering upon the rehearsal of a new play In which he is to be starred next season. With the close of the Seattle en gagement Mr. Revelle was succeeded In the role of Georges Durand by Ben Lewln, noted English actor, who has been sent on from New York to replace Mr. Revelle for the remainder of the tour. Mr. Lew in has for sev eral years been associated with Beer bohm Tree and brings to his com mand, as an artist the highest tradi tions of the English stage. He will play the role at the Heilig tonight. Visitors on Portland's Rialto are Mr. and Mrs. A. L. Bernstein, who are here in the Interests of the Fan- ction and Marco revue, which opens at the Heilig July Fourth for a week's run. Mr. Bernstein's father, S. Bern stein, was in business in Portland several years ago and the two Bern stein boys, Arthur and a brother, E. J., -went to school here. E. J. Bern stein has been in the theatrical game since he grew up. For several seasons he has been identified with Acker-man-Harris interests in Los Angeles and now he is managing the tour for the dancers, Fanchon and Marco. Mr. and Mrs. Bernstein have been here a fortnight, taking in the Shrine ac tivltles and the Rose Festival. The following bit of dialogue from Robert Stevenson's fable of "The Four Reformers" is well worth reading at the present time: "Four reformers met under a bram ble bush. They were all agreed the world must be changed. 'We must abolish property,' said one. " 'We must abolish marriage,' said the second. " We must abolish God,' said the third. "'I wish we could abolish work, said the. "fourth. " 'Do not let us get beyond practi cal politics.' said the first. 'The first thing is to reduce men to a common level." "The first thing.' said the second 'is to give freedom to the sexes.' " 'The first thing ' said the third 'Is to find out how to do it.' "The first steD.' said the first, 'is to abolish the Bible.' "The first thing,' said the second Is to abolish the laws.' " The first thing," said the third, 'i to abolish mankind." " Adele Rowland is not to return to "Irene." The present occupant of th title role of the piece, Patti Harrold, is to continue in It, accoridng to re port. The Vanderbllt Producing company secured Miss Rowland when Edith Day left to create the role In Lon don. Miss Rowland's salary was $800 week. When she fell ill with throat trouble Miss Harrold, who is th daughter of Orville Harrold, was rustled into the role at $75 a week. There has been no effect on the capacity business of the piece, so the managers have decided to let her con tinue. Cuban sugar planters are demand ing twenty-four cents a pound for all their sugar. Yet a few years ago we had people urging a protec torate on the ground that the poor Cubans weren't able to take care of themselves! The lowest quotation on liberty bends yesterday was $84.60, and .the natal day of this great and glorious rc-public only four days off. What's the matter with liberty? Is patriot Ism played out and politics on the dump? We fully expect that Mayor Baker on his return from Alaska will present a plan for holding a national convention of the Eskimos in Port land in 1922. As a convention getter, he is without peer. Be careful, folks, of the little ones diiven'by tho weather to play in the streets of an evening. Ono can con template stoically a grown person injured, but a maimed child is pitiful, There is too much pernicious activity in the revenue fellows Washington in ruling against many of the old-fashioned home-made beverages. I PefcTgy O'Neil and her London man ager, Robert Couricniage. are navins something of a row at present. Miss O'Neil has called in solicitors to han dle her end of a controversy in prog- ess. According to the star's version. Courtenidge, at the time of making a erbal contract with her for her ap pearance in "Faday me ivexi rsesi Thing" at the Savoy, agreed to hold the Tlay for her to star in In Amer- ca. Miss O'Neil read in an American theaterical sheet that the American production is to be made this fall by Robert Courtenidge In association with the Shuberts, and Eileen Hubsn s to create the part In New York. Miss O'Neil says this breaks the con tract Mr. Courtenidge has with her. The managerial side of the question i that Miss O'Neil has scored so tremendously in London she will re main here at- least another year In the play and that it would bo Im possible to end the London run to make nossible her appearance in America with it. Who will be nominated today? Why, a silk-stockinged gentleman of the kind democracy delights to worship. The woolen-sock hero is no more. Wish the board much joy in pre scribing the clothing: the high school girls must wear. The board is com posed of mere men. A bomb was exploded in front of the Japanese diet building in Tokio. Some Jap must have wanted change of diet. PX.YING AROUND THE . WOBLD. It is as certain as anything can be in this fast changing world that, the aerial around-the-world derby will be flown, in. 1921. But in an era when flying records are being broken at the rate of three a. week it would be futile to try to forecast the con ditions of the race. To glimpse the possibilities one need only recall the achievements of the past year. These Include the first trans-Atlantic flight, by Lieutenant-Commander Read; the first non-stop flight across the same ocean, by Captain Alcock; the flight from London to Australia made by Captain Ross Smith; the French flight from Algiers to Abys sinia"; the Italian derby from Rome to Tokio; the air journey from Cairo to Capetown, covering the full north and south length of the continent of Africa, and the army transcontinen tal flight won by Lieutenant Maynard. It is only twenty-three years since Professor Samuel Langley reported officially that mechanical flight could be attained. The derision with which the statement was almost universally received is still a fresh though tragic memory. Not until lOO did the Wrights begin their experiments in aviation; it was three The British army Is changing back to pre-war red uniforms. Must want to give Kipling something to write about again. When the Fourth falls on Sunday, any celebration smacks of a warmed over odor. A three-day affair is the) thing. Concerning 'screening foods in the public market, there should be pro tectlon from insects and dirty paws, How swiftly doth time in its flight roll the hours! Only a week ago we were strictly in it with a "wow!" Collars have dropped five cents In New York, says a news dispatch Which kind, white or beer? Wrecking following a. big celebra tion is worse than turkey the third day after Thanksgiving. Schwartz is in Oregon to stay and the incident is closed until some thing breaks. Two Oldest Jokes In World Are Be decked Wltk Chestnut Burrs. Someone once said that there are only two jokes In the world, the drunk man joke and the mother-in-law joke. There are many variations of the two themes, many ways of pre senting the two supremely comic fig ures; but when we want to make each other laugh we always go back either to the drunk man or to the mother-in-law. The statement is an' exaggeration. There are other jokes. The curate's gg joke, for instance, which has nothing to do either with drunkards or mothers-in-law, and the more re- ent "Better "Ole" joke. But It re mains to be seen whether either of these jokes will survive, will amuse generation after generation as the two great jokes do. For the drunk man and the mother-in-law are very old jokes. They have proved their worth by provoking laughter for thousands of years and they are still the most popular jokes there are. A comedian impersonating a drunkard is sure of his laugh, and a public speaker, flnd- ng his audience is getting bored, has only to say the word "mother-in-law" to provoke full-throated merriment. Of the two the drunk man joke seems to be tho older. The Spartans knew it, and used to make slaves drunk so that their sons, laughing heartily, might avoid the vice through fear of ridicule. The Jews knew It I Their ancient literature is singularly poor in comedy. There are not a half dozen jokes In the whole Old Testa ment, but the drunk man joke Is there. Isaiah, a grim old puritan of a states man, made it, and made it in an ex cellent form. The mother-in-law Joke is not so old, but it goes back to classical times. We find it In Plutarch. "A man once threw a stone at a dog and hit his mother-in-law. 'Not such a bad shot after all,' he said" That is Plutarch's version of the joke. It is so neat and epigrammatic that I think the joke itself must have been old In his time. He could scarcely have achieved such perfect form unless he had been working on a long familiar dea. But ancient as these jokes are they have lost none of their fresh ness for us. Time, it appears, cannot stale their infinite variety. We may fairly suppose that they will last as long as our race does. America may go dry, but the great comic tradition of the drunk man will survive even In Texas. Tho bolshevists may abol ish marriage; but men will always remember what marriage was because they will always laugh when anyone says "mother-in-law. We may pic ture to ourselves the last survivors of our race shivering in Icy caves while the sun smoulders to extinction. They will no doubt cheer the desperate hardships of their winter by inventing fresh nuips about drunken men and mothers-in-law. No other Joke seems to possess this quality of endurance. Indeed, the path of man's progress through the ages is strewed with the corpses of dead jokes which once were vital enough, but somehow missed Immor tality. . There is the "doctor" joke, for instance. Tho ancients knew it. Thysician, heal thyself," is a pro verbial form of it. The story of the medical man who went out hunting is another version of it. "Today at least," said a friend who met him. "you will kill nothing." It survived down to the middle of the last cen tury, and even in our own time G. B. Shaw has attempted to galvanize it into fresh life. But the joke is really dead. We no longer laugh spontane ously at the tnougni oi a aocior. though in Its day the doctor Joke was crtainly a good one. George Birm ingham, in Edinburgh bcotsman. Those Who Come and Go. More Truth Than Poetry. By Jinn J. Montague. John T. Curran, who has the big Mallet on the hill, is registered at the Perkins while sight-seeing. Engineer Curran is one of the old timers and has been going over the top for about 15 years, only when the big Mallet is working the expression in the ver nacular is "over the hump." Jawn T. has been dragging 'em over the hill for a long time, but he twists his lip every time he does it. The Mallet compound engine is a double locomo tive and can do the work of any other two engines. The Mallet is placed in the center of the train so that it can push and pull at the same time. En gineer Curran's run is from Hilgard to Duncan, and while the mileage isn't great, it embraces the toughest grade on the entire system, and it is con sidered one of the most nerve-racking jobs In Eastern Oregon by men who know railroading. "We didn't get nearer to Armenia than Philadelphia," declared a mem ber of the crew of the steamer Bear port, which arrived in Portland yes terday. "We were carrying supplies for the relief of the Armenians, and when we got to Philadelphia some one there decided that it would be cheaper to transfer our cargo to a limejuicer because the freight could go cheaper In a foreign bottom than it could in en American ship. We loaded steel plates for San Francisco and started dsck, and at 1'anama we took on a lot of scrap iron and landed all this stuff In San Francisco bay. We came rrom tean Francisco to Portland light. when we sailed we thought wo'd get over and see something of- the conditions in Armenia, but we were greatly disappointed." For four hours XI r. and Mrs. A. W. Peters and two daughters were held up on the Columbia highway between Hood Kiver. their home town, and Mitchell Point. The Peters family was on its way to the Hotel Portland, traveling by machine. The hard ur face paving contractors refused to permit them to run over the new laid "hot stuff" until four hours had elapsed. The Peters were not alone in sharing the delay, for there were 4a other automobiles in line by the time the contractors consented for the caravan to proceed. The Peters party was informed that the hardsur facing of the highway into Hood River will be completed within two weeks, and this will then provide a finished hardsurface from Portland to the town of Hood River. Beyond that point the highway is rocked to Mosier. Grover- B. Powers, a fruit packer of Salem, is an arrival at the Hotel Oregon. Grover is a member of the firm of E. W. Powers & Co. Salem is now developing into one of the prin cipal fruit canning centers of the northwest and there is a rapid devel opment of the soil of the surrounding country for the raising of fruit and berries. Until a substantial market was established in Salem the growers didn't know what to do with their surplus. Clerk Rutledge, who has just joined the staff of the Perkins, caused one room to be unoccupied yesterday. Mrs. Pearl Porter of San Francisco, and W. P. York of Aber deen, Wash., arrived from their re spective towns. Then Mr. York urged Mr. Rutledge to help him get marriage license, and the clerk worked with such efficiency that Mr. York and Mrs. Porter were wed yes terday afternoon, and one of the two rooms which they had occupied was vacated. THE WICKED IMP. I know a wicked little gnome Who comes around each day. To visit every single home Where little children play. And when it's time to go to bed. He winks a wicked eye. And puts in every little head The three words, "By and by." And when It's time to rise again. And leave one's pleasant dreams. He stands beside the bed and then His eye with- badness gleams. And little children wake and say. With such a drowsy smile, "There isn't any school today. Why can't you wait awhile?" Whenever there is work to do He's always standing- near. Behind a chair, or up the flue. To make the children hear. The wicked words upon his tongue, . And with a frowning brow. Each little child, however young. Will murmur, "Not just now." And all because this wicked sprite Comes round where children play. Or when they go to bed at night. And tells them what to say. It's really very, very sad. For children are so small. And if he's taught them to be bad It's not their fault at all. Suspicious. Toledo ranks as the third city In Ohio but the census was taken last July when the prize-fight crowd was tb,rs. nan We'd Have to Hear It. -mi' u utorgt, we are told, sang a duet with Kressine. the soviet envoy. But we've heard many a duet in which there was no harmony what ever. Same Standard. A new-roof is the sign of prosperity in Corea. With the present price trend a new hat will soon be the opu lence here. tCopyright, 1920. The Bell Syndicate. Inc.) In Other Days. Bryan was the best man at that wedding. There's no doubt of it. Welcome, pioneers, and hope you miss the usual rain, . Theda Bara, the well-known vamp is in London, vacationing and on a still hunt for auitabe- play material to take back to America. Her play The Blue Flame," was an error, and Theda admits it. Miss Bara has many offera for British films. Sir James M. Barri has an appointment with her. . . V T.aiiri and Bronson, one of the best known two-acts in vaudeville, have divorced each ther, and each Is heading an act. The custody of the baby, Joe Laurie Jr. Is divided equally, and so Is their bank account. Dorothy Regal of former vaude ville trestige. has a baby girl. She is how Mrs. Fred Balshofer of Bev erly Hills, Cal., and her husband Is a picture nero. . The Rev. Frank German, who used to be pastor of Atkinson Memorial church of this city, has Just completed a year's tour in vaudeville In Aus tralia and Is bound for the United States this summer. Emma Nevada's daughter, Mignon, Is in Paris getting ready to make her debut in opera. . In San Francisco an indictment charging obtaining of money under false pretenses has been voted by the grand jury against "Princess" Delia Pattra. who a year ago conducted dance classes for a brief period in the ballroom of a hotel and created quite a stir in San Francisco society circres by declaring that she was a niece of the former khedlve of Egypt. She is said now to be In New York. The indictment is based on the charge of Erich Buehle, a hydraulic engi neer, who alleges the "princess" pro cured from him several thousand dol lars on a pretense she Was to launch a picture production of her life on the Nile. Buehle is willing to defray the expense of having the noman taken to San Francisco to face the charge he has made. Mr. A. is a very enthusiastic lodge man, spending about five nights out of every seven at various lodge- rooms of all of which lodges he is a member. His wife, who Is rather tol erant of the whole business, however, docs occasionally get peeved enough to say a few sarcastic things. And the other night came her chance. For n. wonAer her husband was at home for an evening, curled up In a rock ing chair before the grate fire she had made and reading very busily. For a long time she sat silent watehlngkhim, then she asked, "John, what are you reading?" "My ritual," he answered. "Well, I must say," she remarked with some snirit, "If you had studied your marriage vows as much as you have studied that ritual you would be a model husband." Indianapolis News. French wit is nothing If not sa tirical. Sarah Bernhardt has been the target of many arrows. She was very thin. A visitor to the- academy, gasing at a. full-length portrait of her. exclaimed: "It ought to be labeled Study of a Bone.' " A face tious Journalist reported that when she was taking a bath the plug of the waste pipe came out and Sarah was sucked down the hole, but an attendant pulled her out with a but ton hook. ' On the occasion of her approach ing nuptials, members of the Com- cdie Francaise engaged in comment "So the divine Sarah is about to marry Monsieur Damala," said one, "Yes," said another, "she has told him all." "What all?" remarked t:.3 fifst. "Oh, what courage! What de votion." "But," was the further com ment, "Mon Dieu, what a memory! "Where did you say the Grabcolns were going to locate their new ga rage?" "They uaven't decided yet, but since it is to be two stories high and ac commodate half a dozen large cars Mrs. Grabcotn says It would be a total loss if it couldn't be seen, from the street." Birmingham Age. . Boundary lines between Alaska and Canada, near the Portland canal, north of Vancouver, are to be de fined clearly this summer so miners, who are flocking to new silver strikes In the canal country will know, at all times, on which side of the line they are working. Strikes have been made on both sides of the boundary. Several Canadian government en gineers were recently at Prince Ru pert, whence they started north, working along the lines. They will proceed northward until they meet a party of American government en gineers who are to work south from the Nnuk river, 100 miles north of Prince Rupert. A' boundary trail, cut IS years ago along the boundary, will be cleared and new cairns and mounments will be erected. Twenty-five Years Aco. From The Oregonian of July 1. London Professor Thomas Henry Huxley died yesterday afternoon fol lowing an attack of bronchitis and influenza. Finances of the rose show have been adjusted and the premiums paid. It was the most successful show ever held by the Floral society. In the third game of the P. N. A. championship series the Portland Ath letic club nine beat the Tacomas by a score of 1- to 5. Today is the date for the second mortgage to pay off the interest due on the first mortgage of the Oregon Short Line & Utah Northern but it is said that foreclosure proceedings will started. Kamela is liberally represented by locomotive engineers in local hotels. for aside front J. T. Curran. Martin K.injr. alias "the senator," is registered at the Hotel Portland. Martin is the boy who coaxes No. over "the hill." and it is some hill, particularly Jn winter when the .mow storms get fussy. The Old Oregon Trail, which is an extension of the Columbia river highway, is located through Kamela. E. C. Balrd. a banker of Gracevllle. Minn., arrived at the Multnomah yes terday and then headed for the Col umbia highway. When Mr. Baird was bank clerk, K. V. Mauser, owner of the Multnomah, was a printers', devil drawing down $l.o0 a week and Wil- lard Hauser, ICrlc's hiother, was clerk ing along with Baird. All of which is the incentive for a celebration now that Mr. Raird is in town. Frank Waferhouse, ship operator of Puget sound, arrived at the Kcnson late last 'evening headed north. Mr. Waterhouse is one of the lHrce num ber of people driving from California over the Pacific highway. He -n tred ahead from ICugene for information as to the condition of the road between the Oregon line and Seattle, Wash. The Hanun boys struck out for themselves. One remained in the east end became a well-known shoe manu facturer. The other tame west and settled on a beautiful farm n few miles out of Roscburg. G. M. Hanan of the Douglas county branch of tho family csme to town yestcrday and put up at the Imperial. It was perfectly safe for C'edor Ro manoff to register at the Multnomah, but no man wouid dare acknowledge such a name in Russia, for the late Csar was a Romanoff. The visitor at the Multnomah, however, docs not claim relationship to the executed little father of all the Russians. J. L. Smiley, formerly an Oregonian. now a resldent'of Seattle, arrived at the Imperial yesterday with his wife and Mr. and Mrs. E. A. Sims of Port Townsend, Wash. The party traveled by automobile and. instead of taking the Pacific highway, they came via Goldendale, Wash. With Sunday the Fourth of July and Monday a holiday, the laundries in tend taking things easy. Word to this effect was imparted to the hotels yesterday, which are dependent on outside laundries for maintaining their daily suply of fresh linen. Mr. and Mrs. Frederick Pelouze and son of Medford and Mr. and Mrs. S. J. Craft of Bellingham. Wash., arrived at the Hotel Portland yesterday quite covered with dust. They form a motor party which is .on its way from the Rogue River valley to fuget souna. Still looking after an issue of bonds for an irrigation enterprise, J. 1 Hinkle of Hermiston made another trip to Portland yesterday and was registered at the Imperial. G. B. Kerth of Albany, accompanied bv Mrs. Kerth. registered at the Ho tel Oregon yesterday. Mr. Kerth is the Willamette valley representative of one of Portland's wholesale houses C. E. Deal, who has a farm in the Hay canyon, eight or ten miles east of Moro, Is among those registered at the Perkins. State' Highway Engineer Xunn and C. B. McCullough of the bridge de partment are registered at the lmpe rial. O. B. Teel. father of the Teel irri gation project at Echo. Or., is at the Imperial lor a lew aays. - William Bollons. one of the railroad contingent of LaGrande. Is an arrival at the .Hotel Oregon. Fifty Yenrs Ago. From The Oregon-Ian of July 1, 1 7. Daily mail service between Port land and Monticello and Olympia will ttart today. At a meeting of the Portland Yacht club this evening arrangements for a regatta to be held on July 4 will be completed. An ordinance providing for the gracing and laying of sidewalks on Salmon street from Front to Twelftn, streets was passed by the council last night. I Nt'lK AI.HX OS WOMKX. Yes. Mister Bachelor, you're right, A woman has a second sight. .She sees a lot by inner laws All rcstln' on the word "because." She's slow to reason, quick to pout Her ways are past a-findin' out. And all philosophers have found She's a funny thing to have around. 1 She strains her blinkers out of place A pickin' holes In moonshine lace, fehe don't know where her neck be gins. And often points the way to sins. I'm not endorsin' all they do. No more than they do me and yon. But when ail's said, still I have found Thej're kind o' nice to have around. A healthy man of blood and bone 1'oii't always like to live alone Imperially if he began V halfway decent sort o man. The mannish women always vex They ain't no good to either sex. Hut ji fniale woman. I'll be bound. Is mighty nice to have around. They're kind o' nice to have around When you lay sick as a salmon'4 hound. With your mouth a-suggin' at the end. V-lnokin' like you ncd a friend; And nothin' else to do at all But count the figaers on the wall. Your spool of hope about unwound It's nice to have a woman round. And then, unless a woman's roun'i. you'll never hear the cheerln' sound of a girl a-glRglln" o'er the phone. While another sings for you alone. And when 1 sing my farewell jingle. And thank the Lord I am not single. How nice to have the women round To drop 6ome posies on a mound. W. S. UORDON. High Prices of Other Days. WALLA WALLA. Wash., June SO. (To the Editor.) Please let us know whether many present prices, such as 30 cents per pound for sugar, nine cents for potatoes and many other high pries, are not record prices. S. UNDERWOOD. We have no figures for years earl ier than 1S55. In the period eince that date 1SC5 saw tho highest record of prices on leading commodities until the Rresent high-price era. Fol lowing are some of the 1865 prices: Bacon and hams, per pound, S2.t cents; butter, 33.8 per pound: cheese, 22 cents per pound; corn, $1.31 per bushel; cotton, 76.4 cents per pound; illuminating oils, 74.3 cents per gal lon; lard, 20.5 cents per pound; sugar, 20.1 cents per pound; wheat, $1.95 per bushel; flour, $10.41 per barrel; pota toes, 64.5 cents per buehel (potatoes went to 91.3 cents In 1867). These are general home-market figures. Doubtless In some localities they were exceeded by reason of Isolation or other peculiar conditions. At one time in our own history sugar was a con fection rather than a commodity, just as petroleum products were later novelty, and price comparisons with those periods would not be informa tive as to general living costs. ISO Urrmsni Day to America. Saturday Evening Poet. In the 100 years which have elapsed since the United States began to keep immigration figures G.600,OOC Germans have left Germany and come to the United States. Five and a half millions is an impressive number of people to go out from any country over any period of time. The shifting or 6.500. 000 Germans from Germany to Amer ica in the past 100 years means that since 1820 not a day has passed that an average of 150 Germans didu't en ter the United Stales. i