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About Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937 | View Entire Issue (May 7, 1909)
io THE MORNING OREGONIAN, FRIDAY, MAY 7, 1909. PORTLAND. OREGON. Entered at Portland. Oceon, Pratofnca as-Second-class Matter. Subscription Rate Invariably In Advanea. (By Mall.) Dally. Sunday Included, on year 18.00 pa: y. Sunday Included, six month. 4.23 I y. Sunday Included. thrae month!.. 8.23 Da y. Sunday Included, una roontb 73 pally, without Sunday, on year 6 00 pai y. without Sunday, six months 8.23 pRl.y. w thout Sunday, three months... 1.73 2. J without Sunday, one month 60 Weekly, one year 1.50 Sunday, one year.... .......... 2 50 tuaday and weekly, one year 3 50 (By Carrier.) Dally. Sunday Included, one year 00 Dally. Sunday Included, one month... .75 to Keinlt Send poutofflce money raer. express order or personal check oa your local bank.- Stamps, coin or currency are at the sender's risk. Give postofBce ad- ress In lull. Including county and stata. . Rates 10 to 14 pases, J cent; 16 11 ? pf 2 c"': 30 to 44 pages. 3 cents; JO to 60 pastes. 4 cents. Foreign aoelaae aoubl rates. r.astrrn Business Office The 8. C. Beck wnh special Agency New York, rooms 48 KiJ.ri "I ,!u"ling. Chicago, rooms S10-513 tribune building. PORTLAND, FRIDAY. MAT 7. 1909. BOMS POINTS Of MOKAU. The ideal great man is perfect, of course. He is not troubled or, limited by moral weakness so his admirers suppose. And yet the great man, even the very great man, is liable to such weakness, and when he comes into the limelight all lapses and weaknesses be come conspicuous the more conspic uous the more exalted he is. A rural Senator from North Carolina the other day opposed the erection of a monument at Washington to Alexander Hamilton, on the ground that he was "a rake." Hamilton's relations with Mrs. Reynolds are well known. He fell into the toils of a cheap and vulgar woman, whose husband was cognizant of her actions. It was "a game," and it is a shame that so great a man as Hamilton did not hold -himself above it. But the custom and sentiment of the times then were not so severe as now. Yet now there is no less "irreg ularity" than then. Probably there is more. It became a scandal, and Hamilton was forced, in order to clear his of ficial integrity, to make a plain state ment of the relations he had held with the Reynolds woman. On the side of his official integrity his vindication was triumphant, but the affair left a stain upon his name, which, how ever, in view of his great public serv ice long since was practically forgot ten. It was Hamilton's conspicuous position, gained by his transcendent talents, that brought out the story of his relations with Mrs. Reynolds. It was the same when Grover Cleveland was nominated for the Presidency, nd the relations he had held with Maria Halpln were forced into wide publicity. What reader of history does not know the story of the rela tions between Lord Nelson, greatest of England's naval heroes, and Lady Hamilton? Or of Madame Walewski, who, after all men had abandoned him, tried to follow Napoleon to Elba? Let us bring an instance of the same kind, but of less importance,, to notice here at home. The Oregonian found it had made a mistake in ex posing the irregularities and immoral ities of Senator Mitchell. Everything It said was true, but those whose own morals were of the best refused to be lieve, or to admit they would believe though in their hearts they knew it was all true. Others, of morals less severe, naturally resented all state ments and proofs. Still others and they were a majority, perhaps, said, "fiuppose it all true, what of it?" So the worst and the best and the indif ferent alike stood by the man. The women, too. For if you are on the search for human nature you find it in women. The hypocrisy is another story. It is no mistatement, when Gertrude Atherton, well-known authoress, who has written euloglstlcally of Hamilton, while admitting his fault and acknowl edging this blemish on his character, says the fault was one common at the time. They who have means to know doubt whether it is less common now; yet in the better state of public opin ion extraordinary measures of secrecy are now deemed necessary, and money in most cases will secure the secrecy required. Jefferson. Hamilton's arch enemy, never said or wrote anything about the Hamilton-Reynolds affair, for gossip was busy with Jefferson's name in similar scandals, as it was with the names of most men of the time. It is not possible to excuse miscon duct of this description. In modern times it never has been, and there is an enforced shame-facedness in talk ing about it. In the earlier day, when the Homeric poems were young, and the older Hebrew Scriptures were written, little or no restraint was put upon such conduct. But the growth of moral sentiment has made it necessary now to hide it, if possible, and when divulged it becomes a just reproach. But the reproach is often weakened by the method of censure and, denunciation employed by pru rient -prudes who. as Shakespeare's Timon exclaims, "scold against the quality of flesh, yet not believe't them selves." But there can be no condonation "by ttye'.publtc of the vulgar wretch who wastes; money not his own. and es pecially public money, with which he is entrusted, in these liaisons. Public defaulters are scarcely forgiven in any case; and by a contradiction of humanj nature which is not altogether strange, rf human nature which usually is tolerant towards irregularities be tween the sexes the man who squan ders public money or money riot his ctwn. upon a woman with whom he holds improper relation. Is forever and especially damned In public estima tion. There is some virtue in this Judgment, too, which puts financial above sexual morality, and fidelity to a trust, and especially a public trust, above the ordinary require ments of private conduct. In the Stat of Washington at this time there Is a man (Adjutant-General Hamil ton) who is alleged to have squan dered a large amount of public money on a woman. He will not have a friend. It is just as well,.- too, that Infidelity to a public trust is the one offense that cannot be excused, still less condoned; and that when there Is a woman In the case It is still more unpardonable. ' ' Fear of publicity in these cases is the greatest of preventive forces; and he lai a man of peculiar stupidity who cannot foresee what the sure conse auence will be of embezzlement of public funds, to be squandered in vice, especially in illicit relations with women. WORSE THAN" A NITSANCE.' It is manifest that, long before Portland attains to the 500.000 popu lation figure set for it by enthusiasts, there must be at least reasonable re striction placed upon the opening of the bridges that span the river be tween the east and west sections of the city. The East Side, a rapidly grow ing residence district, with the homes of labor multiplying in every suburb reached by the streetcars, suffers an noyance, inconvenience and actual loss in laborers' time every day from the working out in this case of the false idea that water traffic has and should have undisputed right of -way over traffic on land. In pursuance of this idea the bridges are opened to let the most trifling or inconsequential river craft pass through the draws at any and all hours of the day. and espe cially, it would seem, at those hours, morning and evening, when the bridges carry the heaviest traffic. It is not uncommon for the street cars to be lined up as far back as Holladay avenue on the east approach of the Steel bridge, and as far as Third street on the West Side, between the hours of 5 and 6 o'clock in the evenlng-i the cars crowded with pas sengers, many of whom, dinner pails in hand, are hanging on by straps pr crowding the steps, while slow boats with tows of logs, perhaps, or perhaps shifting from one dock to another, leisurely creep through the opening. Here we have the spectacle of hun dreds of hungry, tired men being held up In response to a peremptory signal of the captain of a tow or freight-boat or boats operated by a few men, per haps a dozen all told, who live on the craft and are in no hurry to get any where, and who feel perfectly justified in inflicting this delay and inconven ience upon their fellow-laborers under the absurd ruling that water traffic has, .under all circumstances, the right of way. There is neither common sense nor common justice in this inter pretation, and the facts in the case, if strongly presented to the proper au thorities, would. It is believed, secure relief from a situation that is utterly needless and has become almost un bearable. 8TRAN(i LANGUAGE. Certain sentiments recently uttered In the United States Senate must have resounded strangely through the sol emnly aristocratic chamber where that body sits. Only the other day Mr. Borah, of Idaho, enunciated the prophecy that the people of this coun try were preparing to take over com plete control of the Government before long. Mr. Cummins, of Iowa, follows with the direful allegation that "if we fail now substantially to reduce the duties upon the important schedules, we but postpone the justice due to the people; a justice which, thanks to the genius of our Institutions, they have the power to enforce and which in the fullness of time they will enforce." Such language as this has not often been heard in the Senate since the time of the Civil War, and it is notable that it comes from the new members. Neither Mr. Borah nor Mr. Cummins has held his high office very long, and it may be lack of experience which causes them thus to leap over the bounds of propriety and aay things which Senatorial custom has decreed should never be uttered. ' -. On the other hand, it 'may be that they speak because of newer and more illuminating experience than their col leagues, Aldrich, Hale, Penrose and the others, have enjoyed. Coming re cently from the people, they speak the sentiment of the people, which, not very loudly nor clamorously, but still persistently and relentlessly, calls for justice. In the long run- it will not be safe for the Senate to deny justice to the people upon the tariff or any other important matter. The Consti tution of the United States is but paper and ink, and It has no validity except in the respect the people feel for it. Once destroy that respect by creating the belief that the Constitution stands for Inveterate wrong and its prestige will vanish like a vision of the night. It Is idle in this country to talk of en forcing Senatorial decrees or court de cisions by military force when the great body of the people are opposed to them. Where is the military force to come from? Law, order, wealth, are safe here as long as the people believe that upon the whole the Gov ernment means to- treat them fairly. When that belief is destroyed by tariff robbery or by heaping special privi leges upon the corporations, or in any other way, then it will be time for those who profit by the injustice to call upon the mountains to cover them. All obedience is a habit, and habits may be changed. 8TEEX THE TRADE BAROMETER. The remarkable strength of the steel stocks for the past few days would in dicate that most of the fear of hostile legislation had been dispelled. Either the public believes that Congress will not make much change in the tariff or it is satisfied that Mr. Carnegie and Mr. Schwab were right when they said that this country coqld produce steel cheaper than any other country and was not in need of protection for the industry. That there has been enough improvement in the busjness of the trust to warrant a steady and even a strong market for the stocks is easily apparent by the official report of the corporation, which appeared a few days ago. The February earnings showed a substantial increase over those of January, and March in turn showed a larger total than was made in February. . . For the three months the net earn ings were $22,921,268, an increase of $4,700,000 over the earnings for the same period In 1908. The business for th first quarter of the year was so satisfactory that there was a surplus of $3,026,674 after paying all charges and dividends. This sum, carried" into the surplus reserve fund, swelled ' the figures to $133,415,214, the highest to tal yet reached by that fund. That this greatest of our infant industries might be able to struggle along with out continual applications of tariff pap Is shown in the net earnings figures since the trust was organized in 1902. In ' the seven years, lacking three months, this colossus of corporations has made net earnings of more than $825,000,000. 'From June 30, 1905, until the panic of 1907 was felt its quarterly net earnings never fell be low $30,000,000, and for the quarters ending June 30 and September 30, 1907. they ran up to the enormous totals of $45, BOO, 000 and $44,000,000, respectively. The absorption of the Tennessee Coal & Iron brought quite an increase of business to the trust, and in the future the gains scored will undoubtedly be much greater than ever. - The only unfavorable showing made in the quarterly report . was that on unfilled orders on hand. These amounted to but 3.542.595 tons, a de crease of more than 200,000 tons from the same period last year. This poor showing is explainable by the threat ened tariff legislation, buyers being afraid to book orders so long as there was a possibility of tariff changes which might make a radical difference In the prices. - The recent panic and the general -4 disarrangement of conditions and prices have also produced inordinate caution among buyers. This will be removed as soon as the tariff matter is settled, and the depleted stocks must be replenished. With all of its iniqui ties, high prices and grasping meth ods, the steel trust still remains a very accurate trade barometer, and the prices at which the stock has been selling this month give promise for better times in the near future. A TRAGEDY PERHAPS A MEKCY. Pity is the just due of the girl of tender years who, irking at parental restraint, in a moment of unbridled passion takes her own life. The child Ida Hansen was wholly irresponsible, yet she had doubtless been led by the counsels of evil associates, older than herself, to think that she was fully competent to choose her own com pany, hours and amusements. Aroused to sudden fury by parental restraint, she committed what, from the stand point of the present, seems a rash act and a cruel one, as far as her parents ttre concerned. Possibly, ' however, it was one of mercy to herself and to those who loved her most tenderly. In this case, as in others, we know what has happened and bitterly deplore what seems a sad disaster. But who knows what would have happened if this had not? 1 There is generally but one fate in re serve for a willful, passionate girl who early makes up her mind that she Is a law unto herself in regard to when and where she goes, and with whom. Need less to say that fate is worse than even the shocking tragedy of suicide. In this case, as it has been reported, the mother is spared the anguish that has been the portion of myriads of moth ers, who. when overtaken by sorrow and disgrace through the conduct of a wayward daughter, finds her own de linquency in counsel or control an ele ment in the catastrophe. A good home, kind treatment, wise counsel, the exercise of just authority surely there is little room for self-reproach or public censure in the case of these parents. The desolation that has fallen upon their home is not, as is too often the case, due to their own delin quency. A WORTHY AND FAR-REACHING WORK. The Woman's Union, the annual meeting of which was held last Mon day, is one-of the oldest and most use ful organizations, and, indeed, the only one of its type in this city, or state. Briefly, the purpose of the organiza tion, as worked out in its activities for a score of years, is to provide a home for working girls at a cost that those whose earning capacity or opportunity Is very moderate can afford to pay. Its accommodations are suited to the needs and in a degree gratify the tastes of self-respecting, self-support ing young women who require in the word "home" more than is compre hended by four square walls, a place to sleep and food to satisfy hunger. It gives the tired working girl a home for her money, and a sense of protec tion, without which the most elegantly furnised apartments do not constitute a home. Mary- Clemmens Ames, the biogra pher of Alice and Phebe Cary, writes that when these sweet country-bred singers of .a past generation left their home in the West and went to New York City, strangers and untutored in the ways of the world, they were un able to find any place that at all cor responded with their idea of home, the price of which was not far beyond their means. Later, reviewing their experiences in the great city, they accounted this fact and the conditions that confronted them because of it as the most trying of their lives. This was in the days before the needs of women as factof-s in the industrial world were recognized before the days of the Young Women's Christian Association and its manifold efforts to help and encourage young women to help themselves; before the days of organizations like the Woman's Union, the study of which is to pro mote the comfort of working women who must supply the home need that exists in the heart of every womanly woman, . from --the often meager pro ceeds of her labor, v Charity, in the sense that its bestowal is resented by independent, self-respecting people, is not a factor in this endeavor. It is a pay-your-way proposition, with the possibility of placing the means to do this 'within - the' reach of the great mass of working women. The only drawback' upon this effort, as worked out.- in the local Woman's Union through its boarding home for young women, is its .restricted capacity in the matter of room. Its building is Inadequate to' the demands that are made upon it, as demonstrated by the large waiting list of applicants upon the superintendent's books. Of course this means that a. new building, mod ern in construction, must at an early day supplant the rambling old house that for 20 years has, by dint ,of patching and renovating year after year, kept the traditions of a. boarding home, without, howqyer, meeting fully the intent of its founders or the de sires of its earnest- supporters and managers. - Since It would seem to be impossible for any enterprise to remain-stationary any work to lag in the- present active growth of the city it is manifest that the Portland Wom an's Union will soon find ways and means to compass its ardent desire in the acquirement of a suitable site and the construction of a building adequate to the needs of the home that Is main tained under its direction. The matter Is one of local pride and more than local interest, and when appeal is made for funds to aid in carrying ut the generous plans of the organization for the extension of its usefulness it will no doubt meet adequate response. To doubt this would be disloyalty to the awakened spirit of progress that is abroad in Portland. Another of those justly celebrated, trade-disturbing reports of the Agri cultural Department is due today. Unless it "leaks," it will hardly appear In time to affect today's market" on grain, but if it is as seriously consid- ered by the trade of the world as was the March report on stocks in farm ers' hands, it may create a sensation. Based on private reports from various parts of the United States, today's Government report on wheat should show a condition of 80 per cent or less. compared with 89 per cent last May and an average of 86 per cent for the same month in the preceding ten years. In the Pacific Northwest nhe condition of the' growing crop is, on the whole, satisfactory. Rain is need ed in some localities, but the crops are not yet suffering for want of it, and in most toeslitien Ihi-nn phnut th three states it will be several days before ad- ' ditional moisture becomes a necessity. Unless something unusual happens within the next six weeks; the Pacific Northwest will enjoy the pleasure of a ( Dig crop ana Dig prices. To sue the Journal for libel was a most foolish thing for Dr. L M. Davis to do. He really was not libeled by the Journal. What it said about him was legitimate comment on the course he had pursued. He was foolish enough as a' candidate to accept "Statement One.". He did it to. get a chance for the Legislature, not ex pecting "he would be called on to fulflll"the promise.' But It turned "out otherwise, . and ' then his expressions betrayed his un happiness; whereupon the Journal made some comment, such as a newspaper may properly make on a public man who places himself in such a position. Judge Morrow's or der of nonsuit was altogether proper. Davis had no case. When a man who claims to be 'a Republican and .desires the election of a Republican Senator, yet is foolish enough to pledge him self to a course that compels him to join in the election of a Democrat, yet manifests uneasiness about it after wards, his new folly in bringing a libel suit because his position is criticised by a public journal, is of a piece with the original folly that pledged him to Statement One. ' Thestory that Senator Stephenson, of Wisconsin, paid $35,000 to three Dem ocratic Assemblymen to remain away from the joint assembly and thus make possible his election to the United States Senate ' is, of course, a hoax. We all know that Senator Stephenson was elected under the pure and holy methods of the direct ' primary. Like Jonathan Bourne, he was; in fact, one of the first fruits of the new method by which the will of the "peepul" found expression. What need was there for the expenditure of $35,000, or even 35 cents, when the popular de mand for Senator Stephenson was so great that he could not well prevent his election? His election, like that of Bourne and' Chamberlain, was a Vindication of the merits of the new methods by which the people rule. Besides, who ever heard of a Demo crat participating in the election of a Republican Senator, even though Re publicans do' elect Democratic Sena tors? May wheat in Chicago yesterday soared up to $1.29, nearly half a ceht higher than the highest point touched under the alleged manipula tion of Mr. Patten. . Meanwhile, corn, oats and potatoes, none of which claimed the attention of. Mr. Patten, have reached the highest point of the season and are stilladvaneing. It is now up' to the theorists" who placed all the blame for the . advance in wheat on Mr. Patten, to explain who has "cornered" corn, oats and potatoes, all of which have shown much greater advances proportionately than were shown by the premier cereal. The half-section homesteads under the new law cannot be taken on land that contains coal, mineral or timber, and must . be above the high-line ditches in the semi-arid regions. The most feasible application of the law is in allowing a man to take an addi tional quarter section of contiguous territory, the understanding being that his first quarter section is capable of profitable cultivation. Yet the con ditions under which the new ground can be held will in most cases be found irksome. The "crystal spring" which has be gun to flow again in San Francisco af ter being dry for many years is said to have great medicinal virtues. Sim ilar healing qualities are not un known in farmers' wells and old lage pumps. Usually they are. im parted from the vault of an outhouse, but In San Francisco's new-found crystal spring one may reasonably suppose that the medicinal influx Is from a sewer. Ecclesiastical authorities differ so widely about the propriety of women wearing hats in church that every shape and color of. conscience ought to be at ease. As a rule the Episco palians advocate hats, while the Bap tists anathematize them. This doubt less corresponds to the estimate which each denomination places on female beauty as a factor in worship. The Baptists seem to stand it better than some others. What Federal judge will enjoin the House of Representatives from pro ceeding with Mr. Murphy's impeach ment case? The opportunity to en-, large the usefulness of the writ is too appealing to miss. Part of the delta of the San Joaquin is again under water, from a break in the levee, with a loss of $200,000 in sight. And people down' there de ride Oregon as wet and rainy. Hamilton's place, of course, is in jail; yet his relatives, will doubtless bail him out. The scapegrace son or brother never fails to remember his family in time of his trouble. . Mrs. Hazel Moore gives it out cold that all the' dinners she ever had with Adjutant-General Hamilton were "paid for by her with her own money." Now that's the kind of a lady to know. The Corvallis Gazette, hitherto a semi-weekly publication, began the week - as a daily. Corvallis has the proper spirit, and it is beginning to show. If Japanese warships go into Bering Sea seeking trouble in protecting Jap anese poachers, they will find It. "Were it your own business strictly, which of the candidates for Mayor would you employ? Ortis must be a kin of Alexander, else the case is sporadic and not atavic. TOMORROW'S PROBLEM. SIMPLE I It la a Contest Isdtr tbe Primary Law by Republicans as Repahlicans. PORTLAND. May 6. (To the Editor.) It is a simple proposition that will confront the Republicans of Portland Saturday. To be sure, if will bei only a municipal contest but since it is be ing waged under the. primary law by Republicans, as Republioans, it is a direct recognition . and declaration of the fact that the Republican, party Is - being used and resorted to as a confessed means to an end. It is to be a "party contest. Four men are using the fact that they are Republicans to win a Republican nomination for the sole purpose of securing the support of-Republicans at the polls in the en suing election. But' here we have one prominent as pirant for the nomination for Mayor, masquerading as a Republican and clamoring for Republican votes, who openly notifies the Republicans of Portland that if they see proper to nominate another prominent aspirant who is in the field, he will not for a moment be bound by the direct vote of the people he will scout the results of the primary law and, of course, throw his support to the opposing can didate! He will do this, he says, out of his sincere regard for the primary law his faith in the people, his inborn aver sion to the political boss. And to his support comes, to be sure, the Democratic paper of Portland, which sees in the proposition to flouc the results of the primary law the direct -vote of the people the . only evidence of loyalty to that law. Bah! Are the Republicans of this city never to come to their senses? This calls to mind your remark this morning, that whether the Republican party is worth saving assuming that Senator Borah was right in declaring that President Poosevelt had saved it is yet to be proved. If the Republicans of Portland Saturday give a plurality of their votes for any man who refuses to declare his loyalty to their choice, and especially to any man who has in advance notified them that he will surely oppose their choice unless they choose him, they should at once there after proceed to disband, shut up shop, surrender all pretenses to future effort, and, like the fantastic picture in a moving-picture show, leap Into the air and . more or less gracefully go up in smoke. For all the contests yet waged In Oregon, the present one in Portland sets forth the clearest view in advance of 'party duty. If the Republican party in Oregon is ever to get together, it must make the first practical move in this city. There must be no more Dem ocratic Mayors. And the way to get a Democratic Mayor is to throw away votes on Republicans who in adnce spit upon the primary law and the party theyt profess to regard by de claring their independence of and su periority to both their preference to the Democratic party and its candi dates to a decision by the direct vote of the Republicans, which does not place them in the lead. It is a party contest, waged as Re publicans through an appeal to Re publicans; and for Republicans to give their support to those who declare their purpose to bolt the decision of the rank and file of the party unless their dictation is accepted is. to commit hari-kari with premeditated design. It , is time for the Republicans of Portland , to put up or shut up, . The conceited Boss, who places himself above the workings of the primary law and who wages his campaign on the assertion that he intends to rule his party or ruin it.- should be given a back seat by the people he Is not sure he will trust. Either this, or let us have-no more vain pretense of party organization or rational effort toward party success and accomplishment. PIONEER REPUBLICAN. BIG MEN 1ST NEW AUTOGRAPH BOOK Novelty In the Way of Collections Started at the National Capital. New York World. A new wrinkle in autograph collection is being circulated among Washington statesmen. Opposite the blank space for the signature in the book is a motto or quotation. This one from "Haunted Houses" fell to President Taft when he signed his name at. September 15: Our little lives are kept in equipoise By opposite attractions and desires. The struggle of the Instinct that enjoys. And the more nobler instinct that aspires Ex-President Roosevelt signed the book while he was in the White House. Op posite October 27 is the following from x ne uoiden Liegend : Touch the goblet no more. It will make thy heart sore - To its very core. Its perfume is the breath Of the Angel of Death. And the light that u-ithin it lies Is the flash of his evil eyes. Beware! oh, beware! For fcltness. sorrow and care Are all there. Speaker Cannon suspected that he was being kidded when the book was passed to him. . A quotation from "The Spanish Student," dedicated to the Speaker's birthday. May 7, follows: Her step was royal, quecnlike; and her face As beautiful as a saint's in Paradise. This fell to Vice-President Snerman, who wrote his name at October 24: One half of the world must sweat and groan that, the other half may dream. Hyperion. s Never or Ever-Busy Women. New Bedford Standard. A newspaper writer, sympathizing with women because there is no longer any cradle to rock, or hardly -a baby to care for, no home schooling neces sary In the presence of the modern kindergarten, no sewing to do in this ready-made age, little housework in this day of flats and suites arid res taurants and prepared foods, and asks with concern: What are we going to do with the women out of a job? Let him put that question "face to face to his women acquaintances and dollars to doughnuts he will find them ll so busy trying to keep up with their en gagements that they won't have time to answer his foolish questions. Atenstomed to Crosa-Qnestlona. Philadelphia Evening Telegraph. Recently a lady witness in a court up the state was subjected to a trouble some fire of cross-questions, and the lawyer, thinking that some apology was necessary, tried to -square himself: "I really hope, madame," said he, "that I don't annoy you with .all these questions." "Oh. no," was the prompt reply of the witness. "I am accustomed to it." "You don't mean' it?" wonderingly returned the lawyer. . "Yes," rejoined the lady. "I have a 6-year-old boy at home."- And Roosevelt Can't Reply. New York World. For the inscription under the stained glass window placed in the Metropoli tan Temple as a tribute to Theodore Roosevelt, why not the two lines of Bunthorne from "Patience:" . I am not fond of uttering- platitude In stained-glass attitudes. NEW HINTS FOR BEST AUTHORS Vp-to-Date Literary Criticism of Eng lish Standard Writers. London Punch. Some of our contemporaries, taking compassion on the literary aspirant in his difficulties, are prepared to fur nish him, by way of help, with a can-, did criticism of his efforts. So good an example is worthy of Imitation, and today we offer the following com ments on MSS. that have been sub mitted to us: John Milton You seem to have a certain facility in turning out blank verse, but your poem "Paradise Lost" is insufferably long, and full of weari some classical allusions. We feel sure mat no editor would accept It. And yet there- are Ideas in the poem. You might, we think, have made a good deat more of Adam's first meeting with Eve. The piece, too. would be greatly improved by the use of suitable head lines, such as. Was It Love at First Sizht? Interesting Story of How the First Man Met the First Woman. Was Eve a Suffragette? (X. B. This last headline, though ir relevant to the poem, would be sure to prick the public attention in these troublous days, .and we cannot too strongly Insist that the only test of a work is Its selling capacity. This is a point too often overlooked by begin ners like yourself. No, we do not think you have enough ability to win a limerlcK prize.) William Shakespeare Your play "Hamlet" is not without merit. There are indeed passages in it of which no practiced hand would be ashamed, and we have little doubt that if you perse vere you will in time write stuff good enough for the provincial stage. What we especially like about this little effort is that there Is plenty of blood in it. We suggest that you cut out all the soliloquies, and tone the' lan? guage up more. Robert Burns There is no demand for the Scotch dialect poem; even the Scotch dialect story has 'gone out of fashion. Your only chance of success would be to have a few of your efforts set to music, and then forward them to your countryman. Harry Lauder, in the hope of his bringing them out at the halls. You seem to have a leaning toward sentimental verse. You might develop this vein, taking as a model "In the Twi-Twl-Twilight." Francis Bacon The public does not read essays. If you aspire to be a leading-article writer, you must acquire a snappier style. No, we do not allow that anyone can be the author of an other man's plays. To be the author of a work, one must have written it one's self. Oliver Goldsmith Your story, "The Vicar of Wakefield," is exceedingly tame, and we do not think any editor would take it. The public is more In terested in burglars and detectives than in vicars. But you are capable of Improvement, both in style and plot. Study the works of the. late Guy Boothby, and "The Mystery of a Hanr som Cab. Percy B. Shelley Your lines are very fair, but you are by no means happy in your choice of subjects. You must study the popular taste more. The public does not want laments. You should give them something in the style of "Put Me Among the Girls." You would perhaps do better in prose. Why not try your hand at a football story for the magazines? William Wordsworth Do not be dis couraged, though your efforts have so far met- with rejection. Have you read the verses, "Will You Love Ale in De cember as You Do in May?" Take these as a model. We think you are quite capable of rising to this level. Yes. a really good coster songs witty and up-to-date, would be sure of ac ceptance. .' Samuel Johnson- We have-- glanced through your "Rasselas." You appear to have set out with a very -hazy idea as to whether you would write In Eng lish or Latin, and the resiflt is a gro tesque mixture. Before beginning a work, it Is always well to decide what language you will write it in. Robert Browning We should not ad vise you to write songs for the music halls. Your style is not direct enough to get home on the public's heart. Affected Ills Rheumatism. Philadelphia Evening Telegraph. At a banquet recently one of the speakers told of a man who was a chronic grouch. Nothing ever suited him. and he grumbled over the most trivial things. Once he had to take to his bed with rheumatism, and not withstanding the fact that his wife gave him every care, he growled at her incessantly, which caused the' good lady's tears to flow. "How are you getting along, Jake?" asked a friend who called one after noon. 1 "I arri getting worse and worse." complained Jake, "and it is all my wife's fault." "You surprise me," said the caller. She seems one of the most devoted nurses I ever saw." "You don't know her," returned the rheumatic. The doctor says that a damp room is the very worse thing for me. and that woman comes in here and weeps, just to make the air damp." Antl-Millinery Laws No Joke. Baltimore American. Much joking will be indulged in over the bill in the Illinois Legislature to limit the size of women's hats and reg ulate their hatpins, but it is really a matter to be taken seriously from a very important standpoint. With the stiff feathers and other decoration standing out far beyond even the enor mous brims, and sharp, stiletto-pointed hatpins also exposed, the eyes of the general publid are in genuine danger. The subject from this standpoint has passed the limits of a joke and become a menace. If fashion dictators have not the sense to confine extreme styles this side of danger, it becomes a legiti mate matter for the authorities to take up. Blindness, even if restricted to the one case already reported of a conductor on a streetcar, is too hard a penalty to pay for fashion's folly. Black Eye tor Blackstone. Kansas City Times. "Your Honor," said 'Moman Pruiett. the criminal lawyer, "since reports and modern law are not sufficient to con vince you, let me read this section from" Blackstone, the father of the common law and undoubtedly an au thority. He" supports my contontion precisely." , "You had as well sit down, Mr. Pru iett; I have decided the point agaist you," replied the court. "You need not cite more cases. I have overruled your demurrer and do not care to hear you read this section." "I know you have, your Honor; I know you have," sarcastically said the redoubtable lawyer. "I know t, but I just wanted to show the court what a fool Blackstone was." Money fn Ralalna; Vloleta. Fruitgrower and Florist. If there is one branch of commercial horticulture in which ladies have a chance of succeeding, and which does not involve them in the coarsening results of the general work, it is the growing' of violets on a commercial scale. - , Undecided. 4 Washington Star. "Did you ever have appendicitis?" said the insurance man. "Well," answered the skeptic. "I was operated on. But I never felt sure whether It was a case of appendi citis or a case of professional curi osity." . . Life's SunnySide In his "Irish Life and Character." Michael Macdonagh . has a choice col lection of bulls. He called on a hair dresser in Kingstown. As he was leav ing the man tried to induce him to buy a bottle of hairwash. "What sort of stuff is It?" he asked. "Oh. it's grand stuff." the man reolied. "It's n Sort of multum in parvo the less you take of it. the better." A few days later the writer was walking with a friend over the. Wick low Mountains, where they met a "character." "Well. Mick," said my friend. "I've heard some queer stories about your doings lately." "Och. don't believe thim, suit." re plied Mick. "Sure, half the lies told about me by the naybours isn't true." rhe following notice Mr. Macdonagh saw posted In a pleasure boat on the Suir: "The chairs in the cabinet are for the ladies. Gentlemen are requested not to make use of them until the ladies are seated." And this he dinned from a Kinsrs- town newspaper: 'James O'Mahony. wine and spirit merchant, Kingstown, has still on his hands a small quantity of the whisky which was drunk by the Duke of York wmie in Uublin." Pittsbursr Chroni cle-Telegraph. - Mr. Morse having bought a new bi cycle of the most Improved pattern presented his old one to Dennis Hall oran, who did errands and odd jobs for the neighborhood. "You'll rind the wheel useful when you're in a hurry,. Dennis," he said. The young Irishman was Uud in hla thanks, but regarded the wheel doubt fully. "I mistrust 'twill be a long while be foor I can ride it," he said. VWhy, have you ever tried?" asked Mr. Morse. "I have." said Dennis, gloomily. "A friend lint me the loan o' his whiles he was having the- moomps. 'Twas t ree weeks I had it, an' vhat w'.d prac ticing night an mornir sr. I niver trot so I could balance mesilf standing still, let alone riding on it." Youth's Com panion. " . A thin little man, with a long beard and a big bundle, boarded a Second avenue car at Fifth street the other day, and when the conductor came around handed up a $1 bill and asked for a transfer to the Fourteenth-street line. The conductor handed the passenger a half dollar, a qu.rter and three dimes. The thin little man saw the three dimes and quickly thrust his change in his pocket. He didn't 'wait until the car got to Fourteenth street, but alighted at Eighth street. When he had gone, a passenger said to the conductor: "You gave that man three dimes instead of two." The conductor did not smile, but said: "Did I? Well, he'll have a devil of a time getting rid of the half dollar." New York Sim. During the automobile races held In Savannah. Ga., a good story was told on two young men from New York city. Knowing that the state of Georgia was "prohibition" and expecting to find . the lid on tight in Savannah, they ven- . tured to locate a "speak easy." where they could obtain some of the "ardent" in the event that, their supply should run out. '' It was just then a large Irish "cop per" was overtaken by the boys. Tak-s lng him to one side he was asked in a very confidential way if he could give them a tip as to where a stranger could get a little drink "in case . of sickness." lie at once led the strangers down the street and halted in front of the Benedict Presbyterian Church, and pointed to the handsome building. Al most overcome with astonishment, one of the youths said: "My goodness, of - fleer, you don't mean to tell us we can get it here!" "No," replied the copper, "but you can get it anywhere else but here." Philadelphia Record. Donald had been to Sunday school, and on coming home was asked what he had learned. The lesson was the story of Joseph, and the small learner was evidently very full of his subject. "Oh," he said, "it was about a boy, , and his brothers took him and put him in a hold in the ground: and then they killed another boy. and took the first ' boy's coat and dipped if in the blood of this boy and " "Oh, no, Donald, not another boy!" his sister interrupted, 1 horrified. But Donald stood his ground. "It was. too," he insisted. Then he added, "the teacher said 'kid.' but I don't use words like that." Woman's Home Companion. ' Fond Mother Johnny, T told " you that you might have a piece of cake, but I see' ypu have taken two pieces. Why did you do that? Small Johnny Well, mamma. -I've' been making believe there was an- other little boy visiting me, so of course, I had to give him a piece, too Exchange. IN THE MAGAZINE -SECTION OF THE SUNDAY OREGONIAN THIRD STAGE OF ROOSEVELT'S HUNT "Winston Churchill describes East Africa's backbone, from Nairobi to the great Lake Vic toria Nyanza. JACK JOHNSON'S LIFE STORY, BY HIMSELF The champion heavyweight pu gilist tells how he got into the fighting game, how Joe Waleott taught him everything he knows and how he conquered all comers. This autobiography is free from, offensive egotism. - WHEN OUR MILLIONAIRES GO TO EUROPE "William H. Vanderbilt years ago set the fashion that now costs the United States more than $100,000,000 annually. . , . BEAUTIFUL HOMES IN ROGUE RIVER VALLEY , Some of the handsome' resi dences in the garden spot . of Southern Oregon, shown with pen and picture. LETTERS OF A JAPANESE SCHOOLBOY "Wallace Irwin's topic is "Forms of American Exercise," which he punctures with delightful satire. '