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About Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937 | View Entire Issue (April 2, 1908)
3 TTTE MOItMG OREGOXIAN, THURSDAY, API1IL 2, 1908. ECB8CBIPTION BATES. INVARIABLY IX ADVANCM. (By MalU UsIIt. Borsy included, ons year JJ Dally. Sunday Included. !x month.... - Tally. Sunday Included, tnree months.. X-a iJally. Sunday Included, on month.. -i Daily, without Sunday, one yea J-JJ Lially. without Sunday, aix months...-. 3 Eal!. without Sunday, threa month., lis lal'y. wltliout Sunday, one month..-.. ? Sunday, om vear.. -ao Weekly, one year (luued Thursday) Sunday and weekly, caa year 1 50 50 BY CARRIER. Eslly. Burdar Included, one year...... t.BO Dally. Sunday Included, one month HOW TO REMIT Sand poitoSice money rder. express order or personal ehec on your local bank. Stamps, coin or curiwcs1 ara at the sendWi risk. G!v postontcs ma ttress In full. Including county ana stats roSTAGIS BATES. Sntered at Portland. Orefon. Portofflea a Second-Claas Matter. , , 10 to 14 Pages J 18 to 28 Paies J eBi? M to 44 Panes s to eo Pages centI Foreign portage, doublo rates. 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Wheatiey; Falrmount Hotel News Stand: Amos Newa Co.: United Newa Agency. 144 Eddy street; B. E. Amos, man ner three wagons; Worlds N. S., 2625 A butter street. OMkliind. Cat W. H. Johnson. Fourteenth and Franklin streets: N. Wheatiey; Oakland News Stand; B. E. Amos, manager Ave tigons; Velllngham. K. G. I.oldneld. Net. Ixiule Follln. Eureka. Cal. Call-Chronicle Agency; Eu reka News Co. PORTLAND, THURSDAY. APRIL I. 1B0S. AMN11.MNO AN AMENDMENT. Discussing the late rfecision of the l'ederal Supreme Court against the Minnesota rate law, the Indianapolis News takes a more hopeful view of the case than some other papers do. In its opinion "the fundamental right of the states to regulate rates Is not Involved." Not on the. face o the de cision, certainly; and yet tvhat remains ol the right except a shadowy claim which cannot be effectually exercised? On the ground that It is confiscatory, a state rate law can always be dragged into the Federal Courts. Recent his tory leads one to expect that the state officers will be enjoined from execut ing the law at once without inquiry Into the question whether it is confis catory or not, and thus It virtually perishes though its disembodied spec ter may still survive. The charge that Plate laws are confiscatory seems am ply sufficient to procure their annul ment without Inquiry into the facts. Imt If by chance It should fall there re mains another device which is still more deadly. ' The gist of this device is to charge that the state law meddles with Inter state commerce. It is a sort of double edged axe which strikes both back ward and forward. Federal laws can be annulled by it on the ground that they Interfere with intrastate com merce, and state laws on the ground that they interfere with Interstate commerce. Nothing could be more lovely for the corporations which de sire to escape from all control. In the case of the National employers' liabil ity act It proved quite as potent against Federal legislation as It ever has against state laws. There is noth ing like having a good, solid, old, rockrlbbed constitution with a favora ble court to interpret it. The rocky ribs undergo some surprising distor tions, but so long as they do not break we can felicitate ourselves on having "the most conservative government in the world." To change the Constitu tion by legislation of formal amend ment is dangerously radical; but to change it by the metaphysical Ingenu ity of a bench of Judges is the safest and sanest thing in the world, particu larly if all the changes look In the direction of increasing the privileges of property and destroying protection to life and liberty. The News seems to perceive the ab surdity of the claim that the Minne sota law deprived the railroad of the right to bring its case into court. In deed the claim required some little im pudence to make, for there Kh court the railroad actually stood testing the validity of the law which Its attor neys gravely argued could not be test ed. But the court preferred to Ignore this somewhat intrusive circumstance and decide the case upon a purely sup posititious treatment of the facts. The State of Minnesota had made it rather dangerous for the railroad to test the validity of the law by breaking It. The court chose to hold that this rendered a test of any sort Impossible and thus made the law unconstitutional. It would be difficult to Imagine a more beautiful Illustration of the tendency which Is manifest In all our courts to dismiss reality as of no consequence and govern the country by abstract speculation. The most striking metaphysical subtlety which the Supreme Court em ployed In the Minnesota case was an elaborately drawn distinction between the state and the officers of the state. It ought to he mastered if possible by everybody, because it is destined to play a great role In our future his tory. It is of the same type as the distinction between the soul and body of man, the state being the soul and its officers the body. It applies also to corporations. The corporation is a spiritual, intangible entity embodied, to be sure, in its officers, but by no means identical with them. Of course the state can only be reached through Its officers. For all practical pur poses a command to its officers is a command to the state. AVhen its offi cers are enjoined from doing any act, the state is enjoined everywhere ex cept in the realm of Hegelian meta physics, for it lives and moves and has its being In its officers. Remove them and the state becomes dormant, being to all intents extinct until a new set has been ehosen. Paralyze them and the state is paralyzed. Now the eleventh amendment to the United States Constitution declares that -no' state mav be sued in the Federal Courts. The case we are dis cussing was an action to annul a state law, and was directed Immediately against the Attorney General of Minnesota in his offi cial capacity. Its whole aim was to convict the state of wrongdoing in passing confiscatory legislation. If it was not a suit against a state, what under heaven was It? And yet the Supreme Court decides that it was merely against the officers of the state, and not against the state itself, and from every plutocratic newspaper In the country there has arisen a cach Innatlon of joy to behold how easy it has been to annul the eleventh amend ment. The court makes as" short work of the amendment as it does of the state laws. And indeed, why should It not? The Supreme Court Is abso lutely at liberty to make over the Con stitution in any shape It chooses. There is nothing in the world to pre vent. States can now be sued on the facile pretense that it Is only their of ficers who are afferted. If a state may be forbidden to do one thing by the courts, it may be commanded to do another thing. Thus the states may be ordered to levy taxes to pay their repudiated debts, or for any other pur pose. Of course such an order must be directed, not to the state itself, but to Its officers, but that precaution Is easy enough to observe. Innovations and usurpations must be judged, not by their immediate purpose and sur face effects, but by their consequences in the long sequence of history. Thus considered, there cannot be the slight est doubt that the decision of the Su preme Court In the Minnesota rate case (destroys the autonorny of the states altogether and puts them entire ly at the mercy of the Federal judi ciary. ANNA') SECOND NrPTTALS. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. This seems to be the motto that Anna Gould has adopted to for tify her energies in the pursuit of con nubial felicity. The second trial has one advantage over the first, inasmuch as the victim of her present pursuit is a Prince, whereas poor old Boni was only a Count. One gathers from Anna's vigorous resistance to her fam ily's well-meant measures to check her matrimonial experiments that she Is something of a vixen. And the mind involuntarily ranges onward from that conclusion to the deduction that pos sibly the disreputable Boni was not all to blame for the disruption of Anna's first home. If Anna Is the termagant her con duct toward Helen and Howard indi cates, the chances are that the pitiable Count received full measure for all the bad treatment he s&ve, and we cannot behold the approaching calamities of the Prince without a shudder of hor ror. Anna will endow him with her millions If she can rescue them from the clutches of her family, but who will insure him against her temper? Who will promise him that the mil lions will not slip from his hands as swiftly as they did from his predeces sor's. To Boni, Anna was a fleeting show, a vain prediction of wealth that was fulfilled but for a moment and then vanished forever. Transient as the phantasmagoria of the rosy-fingered dawn is the bliss which depends on the constancy of Anna. The Gould fortune is Invested large ly In American railroads. To make the earnings of these roads secure we have recently seen the laws of several sovereign states of the Union over turned by the higher courts. So far as Anna's share of the fortune is con cerned, the final cause of these court decisions Is to enable a French Prince to make a gaudy show in the gam bling hells and brothels of Paris. In other cases the result varies, but in the main it Is much the same no mat ter who the individual may be that spends the money. It is a curious phenomenon of history to see the sov ereignty of our American states de stroyed to maintain the vices of the aristocracy of Europe. "Imperious Caesar dead and turned to clay, may stop a hole to keep the wind away." American liberty dead and decayed may apparently be put to still worse uses. BI-OTV AT MILLING INDUSTRY. If the "Trans-Paclftc Freight Bu reau," which Is responsible for a dis criminatory rate against Pacific Coast flour bound to the Orient, can offer any excuse for such discrimination, it would no doubt be interesting. Every steamship line operating out of North Pacific ports owes its Inception and existence to the flour trade, which the "Freight Bureau" now seeks to kill by delivering wheat to the Oriental flour mills at $1 per ton less than is de manded for flour. If this rank dis crimination had been inaugurated at a time when flour offerings were large and prices satisfactory, less complaint might have appeared. But. unfortu nately for all concerned, the embargo Is attempted at a time when trade is bad and shipments far below those of recent years. The extent to which the Oriental business has been damaged by the flour mills in China and Japan Is re flected In export figures, which show that for the nine months ending March 31. 1908. but 1.995.4:5 barrels of. flour were sent to the Orient from Oregon and Washington ports, compared with 1. 622. 900 barrels for the correspond ing period In the previous season. This decrease of 617.000 barrels is ap proximately 25 per cent, and the small amount under engagement for the re maining three months of the season makes It a certainty that the twelve months will show a ailing off in the business of nearly one-third. In the face of this decidedly poor showing for the season's business, the trans pacific lines, by discriminating against flour, and in favor of wheat, have at tempted still further to hamper ship ments. Fortunately for the Pacific Coast millers, there is plenty of idle tonnage on the Pacific, and it can be char tered in large quantities to carry flour across the Pacific at as low a rate as is quoted on wheat by the regular lines. The -reason given for the cut in 'rates on both wheat and flour is the cempe titlon of tramp steamers; but as this class of carriers will accept wheat or flour at the same rates, it is not clear why the regular lines should attempt to make the discrimination. The rate of J2.50 per ton quoted on wheat was accepted by at least two tramp steam ers before war was declared, and is the lowest ever made on the Pacific except during rate wars. The 3teady reductions In rates to the Orient have resulted In keeping wheat prices in the Pacific Northwest steady. n spite of declines In the East and In Europe. It is unnecessary to sate that the enormous saving will go to the wheatgrowers. who will fail to un derstand where a ship subsidy on the Pacific, or anywhere else, would im prove facilities and rates for export ing American products. MR. BRYAN AT KANSAS CITY. Mr. Bryan's speech, delivered at Kansas City on March 30, contains a number of passages which Republican leaders may ponder with profit if not with comfort. In its general purport the speech, which Is an important one, indicates that the Democratic cam paign win be aggressive and not mere ly a passive submission to Inevitable slaughter like that of 1904. The truth is that Republican managers must probably seek some new ground of attack if they mean to Injure Mr. Bryan seriously. The money Issue has faded away. Nobody cares much now what the peerless one may think about free silver, since the progress of events has made the-question as pure ly theoretical as the loves of the an gels. If Mr. Bryan wishes to believe that silver ought to be coined freely at the ratio of IS to 1, he may do so without excltljng any particular atten tion. He can never have it coined at the sacred ratio, and he as well as everybody else knows he cannot. So what's the difference? Much the same may be said of the old reproach that Mr. Bryan lacks re spect for the Supreme Court. He re spects the court as much as anybody does, but he still declines to admire the income-tax decision, and a great many Rpublicans think very much as he does about It. In popular regard the Supreme Court has not advanced during the last eight or ten years. Doubtless that great tribunal Is just as wise, impartial and learned as It ever was, but many American voters do not think so, and Mr. Bryan's very plain hints that Its wisdom Is limited will be more likely to win votes for him than to lose any. Nor will It avail to accuse him of radicalism. Most of his doctrines that seemed radical some years ago have now become sound Re publican faith. They are likely to ap pear prominently in both platforms and both parties will proudly claim the merit of originating them. It is difficult indeed to imagine just what objection can be made to Mr. Bryan that will weigh much with the voters. His lack of executive experience they will not care a straw for, nor will It trouble them to hear that his judgment Is shallow rather than pro found, and vacillating rather than sta ble. The New York World has been busv for some time trying to devise a really deadly campaign cry against him. and the worst It has done thus far is to say that "he does not think right." Since right thinking is largely a matter of opinion and taste, this re proach does not strike one as being very effective for campaign use.- The same papers that accuse the Nebras- kan of wrong thinking arraign Mr. Roosevelt for the same offense. The people of the country would be glad to see many more minds go astray in the same direction. While Mr. Bryan seems to be par tially exempt from effective attack himself, he brings plenty of Indict ments against the Republicans In gen eral and Mr. Taft In particular, one of his thrusts in the course of the Kansas City speech was especially ma lign. We wonder how Mr. Taft will parry It. "The laboring men Insist that they are entitled to trial by jury; but Secretary Taft went all the way to" Oklahoma to find fault with a provis ion In the Oklahoma constitution se curing this protection to the laboring man." Thus spake Mr. Bryan. The sentence Is not a little disingenuous; fcr Mr. Taft, following his chief, fa vors certain restrictions upon the In junction power and some mitigation of the rigor of contempt proceedings. Still he did go to Oklahoma to protest against the new constitution, and that offense will count against him with a certain class of workingmen; for the constitution of Oklahoma is a kind of new Magna Charta in the eyes of those who have found the new light. Mr. Bryan thinks that Secretary Taft is perhaps the best man his party could name. He Is the only member of the Cabinet,- according to the Ne braskan's judgment, who has dis played the slightest predilection for reform. All the others still walk In the Cimmerian darkness of reaction ists But even Mr. Taft's reform tend encies are by no means what they ought to be In order to come up to the rigid Bryan standard. He Is but a timid trimmer who paddles on the beach of radicalism withont venturing out Into the depths where Mr. Bryan himself swims so buoyantly and .so gaily. He declares that Mr. Taft not only will do nothing to lower railroad rates, but that he rather Inclines to raise them, and that he will not de stroy the trusts any more than Mr. Roosevelt has done. Mr. Bryan thinks his proposal to regulate the trusts Is a puny subterfuge, but we incline to believe that they will be regulated for many, many years before they will ba destroyed. The whale which stranded on Clat sop Beach last Sunday will hardly at tract the crowds that would have gath ered later In the season, but, as the giant of the deep has been dead for a long time, the odor will probably lin ger along the beach until the van guard of the Summer rush gets down there. People who never expect to own an automobile get a chance to smell the gasoline trail the machines leave behind them, and those who visit the beach resorts without the price of lodging at the select hotels re ceive free a whiff of the same odors which the dead whales bring In for rich and poor alike. The record-breaking wheat crop of 1907 is still pouring -Into Port land and as rapidly as possible being put afloat for the for eign markets. But along with the news that shipments of wheat are still holding up to record proportions comes the report from Eastern Oregon that sheepshearing will begin this week. All along the lower river nets and trap gear are being placed In readiness for the Spring run of sal mon, and throughout the timber dis tricts logging camps are opening up for another season's work. In these simple stories, told by the news dis patches, can be found an explanation of the continuous nature of Oregon's prosperity. Our resources are so many and varied that we are no sooner clear of one of the big staples than the "annual output" of another is ready- to move to market- . It may be feared that our colored brethren, who were going -to quit the Republican party because of the treat ment of the negro soldiers In the Brownsville affair, will now be fickle enough to go back on the Democratic party, because of the action of the Democratic members of the Senate committee at Washington, who voted in a body on Tuesday against giving the dismissed soldiers a chance of re instatement. All the Democratic mem bers of the committee took this stand,' and, joining a minority of the Re publican members, defeated the reso lution. It would be a great thing fot the country if half the negroes, or even more of them, would join the Democratic party. But when the chance occurs to woo the nigger, the Democratic party Invariably shows how it still holds to the curse of Canaan, The Salem Board of Trade has un der consideration the project of an electric road from Salem to Stayton. The proposed line would traverse fif teen miles 'of wonderfully rich coun try, and would afford transportation facilities with Stayton, one of the most prosperous small cities In the state. Enterprises of this nature are the re sult of the building of the electric line through he Willamette Valley, and It will be but a few years before "feed ers" will leave the main line at fre quent intervals throughout the Valley, and with cheap transportation en hance the value of all farm property and aid In building up the interior cities and towns. These cities and! towns will, of course, assist In Increas ing the growth of Portland. Stock of the steel trust, though enormously Inflated, touches par again In the market on and off, these days; which reminds us to print again cer tain figures that show why. The re cent report of the corporation showed that the earnings for 1907 were $160, 964,673, an Increase of $4,340,400 over those of 1906. In the latter half of 1907, of course, business fell off, but In the first six months the mills were pushed to their greatest capacity. The gross business was $757,014,767, and the surplus now Is $123,645,243. Other figures are as bewildering as these. This is one of the Infants the country has to, feed with protective tariff pap. A resolution appropriating $100,000 for the erection of a monument in the City of Washington to the memory of General Robert E. Lee, commander-in-chief of the Confederate army, has been introduced In the House of Repre sentatives by Mr. Ferris, of Oklahoma. It probably will not be adopted; nor ought it to be. But a monument may be permitted to General Lee In Wash ington, if erected by private subscrip tion; if not now, at some future time. Such memorial of Cromwell, long de nied in London, now stands In the outer court of Westminster Hall. It was placed there by permission. The government didn't erect it. There are two brakebeam tourists behind the penitentiary bars at Salem who will certainly bear witness that Oregon Is not so "slow" as It is some times charged with being. These wandering hobos broke Into a store at Shedds, Or., at 3 o'clock Tuesday morning, were arrested, and five hours later were landed In jail at Albany. They, were arraigned the same day, and, eleven hours after their capture; were sentenced to two years in the penitentiary. Justice in this case seems, temporarily at least, to have discarded her reputed leaden footwear for a pair of the seven-leagued boots. A speculator bought 700,000 shares of Yukon stock at $5 per share and engaged Tom Lawson to sell them for him. Lawson began an advertising campaign, lasting five days, in the principal papers of the country, at a cost of $100,000. The stock was sold in one day at prices ranging around $7.50 per share. Lawson and the speculator therefore cleaned up $2.50 per share, or $1,750,000, less expenses. Which would appear to show that ad vertising pays. "The Increased cost of living" is given as a reason for asking the Prus sian Diet to pass a bill giving Emperor William more spending money. As William already has at his command a salary and expense account totaling $3,830,000 per year, there Is a proba bility that the Diet may request Will lam also to "diet" or else purchase his groceries at the clearance sales. Neither earthquake, nor colossal graft, nor subsidized press, nor bu bonic plague, nor all combined, can weaken the Indomitable spirit of San Francisco. So say Abe Attell and "Battling" Nelson, who fought fifteen rounds to a draw. The Statement No. 1 people, we are told, are to put up their own ticket after the primaries, in counties where they have now no candidates. This shows how much the advocates of Statement No. 1 are Interested In the success of the Republican party. "Jurors," said Attorney McCamant, "would not return a verdict for my clients (Ross et al.) if they knew the newspapers would grill them the next day." It doesn't appear to be neces sary to add anything to that remark. Statement No. 1 or its substitute Is not uproariously popular with Repub licans in the State of Washington. The Washington Derrfocrats, like their Ore gon brethren, however, see In it the salvation of the party. Bishop Moore wouldn't deny the right of free speech even to Chan cellor Day. Good doctrine, but a little tough on the. public. Madame Anna Gould evidently didn't get bronchitis In saying no to Prince Heiie. It begins to look as if Boni were not altogether to blame, after ail. DO THE PEOPLE MAKE A CHOICE' Some Provision of Prlmsry Law and Stateniemt No. 1. ALBANY, Or., April 1. tTo the Edi tor.) There la a great deal of talk just now about Statement No. 1. being the best way for the people to get their choice of United States Senator. I have not been able to reason it out in just that way. as yet. but I am con vinced that It would be a good scheme for any party that was in the minority to advocate it. For instance, the Republi can party, in Oregon, at the present time, is largely in the majority, and being so, encourages more candidates at the pri mary election. To illustrate: The Repub licans have 5?0O votes in the state. There are five candidates on the primary ticket. Four candidates receive 1000 votes each. The fifth candidate receives 1500 votes and of course, this vote entitles him to be the candidate on the Republican ticket according to Statement No. 1. Now, is he the choice of the people? The party that is ' in the minority I keen enough to see that under the circum stances It will be better for it to have but one candidate and so receive the entire vote of the party, although the en tire vote of the party in the state may be but 23i0. This vote would entitle him to be elected United States Senator by the Legislature, according to Statement No. 1. Now, is he the choice of the people? 1 have heard some voters remark "that they believe In a direct vote for United States Senator." Bo do I. I have advo cated that way of election for many years. We don't have it yet, and I do not believe that Statement No. 1, will ever bring it about. Some think It will, because, they say, we will exact a pledge from each candidate, and that assures it. I wish that I could have that much con fidence in a reasonable minority of the individuals that pose as candidates for the Legislature I can't though. A long experience In observing the "workings of politics has taught me differently. There are men who desire to go to the Legisla ture just once some for the honor, some for other things and they promise any thing before election. After their elec tion, they then tell you that they are now electer". and will vote to please themselves. No. I do not think we can make a direct vote through Statement Not 1. as long as we have to depend upon the members of the Legislature to settle it for us after m-e have done our voting. We have tried it, and I don't feel like boasting for any benefit It has brought us thus far. Some say: "If you oppose Statement No. 1 you believe in bossism.' I do not believe In political bosses and never did. and I have been a Republican about as long as Oregon has been a state. I am opposed to Ptatemeot No. -1 the same as I was with "Sixteen to 1." Both are catchy at first sight, but after one in vestigates them somewhat, one finds them very deceptive. W. C. TWEEDALE. PANAMA MATRIMONIAL PARADISE. Where I'nele Sam Pros-idea Erery tbfnsr for latendlasr Housekeepers. Cleveland Plain Dealer. It is quite evident that Fantrma is a matrimonial paradise. We are told by the organizer of Jhe women's clubs on the isthmus that little Dan Cupid Is a sadly overworked cherub. It Is Impossible, ac cording to this authority, lor a woman to remain single. She cites as an instance of the matrimonial demand that one of the hospitals lost 17 nurses by marriage from April to June, and so discouraged did the management become that it sent word to the atates to forward no more young nurses and to select for the Pana ma field only the very plainest ones that could be secured. In many cases the nurses became en gaged on the stearhers to men who were returning to work on the canal, and con sequently never showed up at the hos pitals. It appears that matrimony is made particularly easy in this favored section. The Government provides all the necessaries for the married quarters, the house, the furniture the drinking water; everything, in fact, except the food and clothes. And it should bo remembered that in Panama an earner receives near ly twice the wages he would get in the states, and the warn for spending money are few and not alluring. There are no bargain sales, and even the most careless feminine financiers are obliged to save their money. This, as the chronicler re marks, makes it a hard place for many women, but there doesn't seem to be any perceptible amount of sidestepping when matrimony Is suggested. Cannl la Good for the World. Mexican " Herald. We think that Mr. Stevens is too gloomy and Mr. Barrett over sanguine. But Uncle Sam is not making the canal for mere profit In dollars and cents; he Is remedying an error of nature which should have left open water from ocean to. ocean at Panama. Had this been the case. It would have been deemed provi dential. So Uncle Sam steps in as an earthly Providence. Mexico is not an uninterested spectator of the work going on down on the lower Isthmus. Slie stands to gain by the mak ing of the great waterway, for her Pa cific Coast will be benefited, though hot to the same degree as if the Tehuantepec railway had not been built. The canal will be an achievement .of civilization, and therefore good for the world at large. Dldnt Use Words aa Governor's. EUGENE. Or.. March 31. (To the Edi tor.) In my report of Governor Chamber lain's address to the citizens of Eugene, March 17, I said (referring to the Uni versity appropriation bill) "He gave out the impression that whl'e he thought at the time that the appropriation was a little too much, he hopes that the -bill will carry toy the people's vote in June." Since some' have construed this as the Gov ernor's statement I wish to say that this part of the report was in my own words and not Governor Chamberlain's. The Governor did not express his wish as to the fate of the bill. ALLEN EATON, Eugene Correspondent for The Orego nlan. He Was the Rtcht Man. Cleveland leader. Loeb Gentleman to see you, sir. T. R. Mollycoddle? Loeb No, sir. T. R. Undesirable citizen? Loeli He doesn't look It. T. R. Conspirator? poltroon? I.oeh Not that I can see. T. R. Deliberate and unqualified, etc.? Uoeb 1 think not. sir. T. R Well, why didn't yon tell me it was Taft? Show hlm in. The Lay of tbe Last Ltuihr. Prom the Voice. Lay the Jest about the julep In the camphor balls at last. For the miracle has happened and the olden da-ys are paseed. That which made Milwaukee famous doesn't foam in Tennessee, And the lid In Alabama is as tight locked as can be; And the comic paper Colonel and his cronies well may sigh. For the mint Is waving sally, and the South Is aolnft dry. Bv the stlllside on the hillside In Kentucky, all Is still. And the only damp refreshment must bs dipped .up from the rill. North Car llna s stately Governor rives his soda glass a shove. And dlscu5ss local option srith the South I'ar lina Gov. It Is usele? at the fountain to be winkful of the eye For the cochtatl r'.asa fas dusty and the South Is going dry. It is water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink. We no longer hear the muoio of tbe mellow cr-vstat clink When the colonel and the General and the Major and the Jedge Meet to have a little nip to give the appetite an edge For the eggnog now la nngless and the rye has gone awry. And the punchbowl hoMs carnations and the South Is going dry. POTPOURRI BT N'AKCT LEE. Excessive Rvdeaess. Mrs. Poor pay (politely) Walk right in. Will you take a chair? Bill Collector (Impolitely) No. madam; I have come to take back the dining room furniture. To Delia. Though poets sing Their ods to Spring Or St. Cecilia I'll tune my lyre An octave higrhrr And sing of Delia. And if so be. She'd have but me For woe or weaj A devotee For life. I'd b At ahrlne of Delia. What though our hoard Could ill afford Mumm's dry, or teal. A chop or two Would nicely do. For me and Delia. My rmise has flown, My little moan I? finished, selah. I'll 90 to bed And rest my head And dream of Delia. ""Vhieh do you prefer, poetry or mu sic?" asked the temperamental young creature who was seated at the piano. "Poetry" snapped her rival. "You can keep poetry shut up in a book. You don t have to listen to it unless you wish. There is a local steam laundry in this town which advertises to darn socks, sew on buttons and do all necessary rpairinsr on men's apparel. Here is an institution thit is do'ng a great work in curbing the matrimony evil. When the late Noble Prentls was editor of the Kansas City Star he told of his unfortunate experience In seek ing an apartment. Desirous of moving- to either a flat or an apartment, he, In company with Mrs. Prentis, spent three entire days in search of new quarters, but were invariably con fronted with the remark: "Of course, we . do not allow children or dogs." On the fourth day they discovered an ideal apartment upon which "Mr. Prentis paid a deposit. Scarcely had they started down the steps, when the old familiar words greeted them. Of course, we do not allow children, have you any? "Yes," aid Mr. Prentiss, with a sigh of resigna tion, 'NVe have three, but we can kill them." "Love me and the world is mine," is the latest system of Christian Science for obtaining real estate. A maiden at Seaside one day ' Found herself in a terrible way; She wanted a Joke That had not been broke One spicy, but yet, not too gay. She had puzzled all morn, on the beach. Not a joke came within her reach. When ehe came in for lunch She saM, "I've a hunch," Which she followed, and landed a peach. Her troubles she told to the clerk, "Who immediately quit all his work, Grabbed a pencil and paper. And scribbled a caper That looked like the prayer of a Turk. At dawn next mom, on a rock-bound coast, A fisher man stood agast When he saw the form Of that brand new joke Nailed to a broken mast. A new story is told on Secretary Wil liam H. Taft. On an intensely hot August day he sought the park In hope of some sheltered spot. However, finding every shady spot occupied, he walked leisurely about. Suddenly a nurse-maid wheeling twins in a perambulator followed after the Secretary, dogging iiis atcps. In tensely annoyed by the crying children, he demanded, with some feeling, why he was being followed. "Faith, you are sich a foine large man, and you make the only nice shady spot In the park." Sunday school teacher Jimmy, can you sing "Onward, Christian soldier. March ing as to War?" Jimmy Nope, but I can sing "Waltz Me Around Again, Willie." Is "absent treatment" a new branch of the international correspondence school? Not That Klad. Mrs. Gushington, (to newly arrived guest) My dear Mrs. Pf-rt, I have just learned that you were recently made a widow. How Is it that you are not in mourning? Mrs. Pert Well, to be truthful, I find green vastly unbecoming. People who live in glass houses should be careful about casting shadows. MAKING THE HOME BEAUTIFUL SPECIAL NEW FEATURE IN THE SUNDAY OREGONIAN Bcfrinning. with the next issue, April 5. The Sunday Orft gronian will publish a series of articles by Margaret Greenlee f, suitably illustrated, on MAKING THE HOME BEAUTIFUL. Miss Greenleaf is an expert on home decoration. Her articles in the Ladies' Home Journal, her editorial work on Home and Garden, and three years' experience as consulting decorator, have equipped her most thoroughly. Plan is to present to the reader interesting, helpful and practical suggestions for re modeling or improving and beautifying the home at the leant expense supplemented with illustrations. Following are among the subjects to be treated: 1. The living-room in a honse of moderate cost. 2. Wall coverings and window curtains. 3. Dining-room. Working plans for built-in buffets and china cupboards, with sugges tions for inexpensive furniture on artistic lines. 4. Bedrooms. 5. Bathrooms and kitchen. 6. "Window boxes constructed and planted by the amateur. 7. Porches and porch furnishings. 8. Selection of hardware, tiles and fixtures for the redecorated room or new home. 9. Radiator and register and the window seat. ' Advertising Talks No. 5 THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AMUSING AND CONVINCING By Herbert Kaufman An advertiser must Tealize that there is a vast difference between amusing people and convincing1 theui. It does not pay to be "smart" at the line rate of the average first-class daily. I suppose that 1 could draw the attention of everybody on the street by painting halt' of my fate red and donning a suit of motley. I might have a sineere purpose in wish ing to attract the crowd, but 1 would be deluding myself if 1 mistook the nature of their attention. The new advertiser is especially prone to misjudge between amusing and convincing copy. ' A humorous picture may catch the eyes of every reader, but it won't pay as well as an illustration of smnc piece of merchan dise which will strike the rye of every buyer. Merchants secme Tarin? results from the same ailvertisine space. The publisher delivers to each the same quality of readers, but the advertiser who plants flippancy in the minds of the community won't attain the benefit that is src.urpd by the merchant who imprints clinching arguments there. Always remember thai, the adver tising sections of newspapeis are no different than farming lands. And it is as preposterous to hold the pub lisher responsible for the outcome of unintelligent copy as it would be un just to blame the soil for bad seed and poor culture. Every advertiser gets exactly the samp number of readers from a publisher and the same readers after that it's up to him the results fluctuate in accord ance willi the intelligence and the pulling power of tbe copy which is inserted. Cnpyrirht. 1B01. Lincoln Dralrrd to l ose lln'ls. McClure's Masazin1. "Tho rapture of Jpfferson Davis." say Oir! Hrhurz In "the South Afti-r th War' "was a very serious thine;, and it was reRard1! by not a few coo!-hcadfrt and Jons-siphtfd mnn as a verv unfortu nate one. It has become well known that President Lincoln wished that the down fall of the Confederaey would not deliver Uie chief of the Confederaey into his hands. A Lincoln anecdote current, at tho time seemed to have pood authority be hind tt. After lee's surrender, a friend asked Mr. Lincoln whether he did not think it. would be bfst to let Jefferson Davis get out of the country. Lincoln answered by telling a story of a Metho dist preacher out West, a ctrlct temper ance man. who was offered a. filass of water with a dash of brandy In tt. and who replied that he would not object to a drop of something strons in his drink, if that drop could be put In 'unbe knownst to himself. ' , "Lincoln bo doubt saw clearly Ifca.t -tbs capture of Jefferson Davis would burden the Government with a mopt embarrass ing; dilemma. The public voice would in sist upon the chief of the rchHion heir.i tried and punished for treason. Now. his crime of treason had been oommll!?d in the South. A trial for treason by a regu lar tribunal in the South would bo a meio ferce, for it seemed a forppone conclu sion that no Jury in the South could be found that would pronounce Jefferson Davis of any of the beads of the rebellion guilty of treason. A trtal by a military commission mijrht result in a verdict of guilty; but resort to a military tribunal for the trial of a political offense after the close of the war micht have looked like a stretch of arbitrary power hetlt Ine an Old World despotism rather than this New World republic." "Mr. Domestic Minister Hnle." Washington (D. C.) Herald. Dr. Edward Everett Hale, the venerable chaplain of the Senate, called at tho StHto Department recently to see Secretary Root. He had forgotten that It whs dip lomatic day at the department. When ho approached the Secretary's door tho colored messenger standing outside said: "Are you a foreign minister?" "No." said the doctor. "I am domestic minister;" He passed on in without fur ther question. Whenever he appears now at the iptate Department the messenger salutes him a "Mr. Domestic Minister" and flings tho door wide open; Han Readlnsr-room In Family Tomb. Kittery (Me.) D'spatch to New York Tribune. Harrison J. Phllbrick haj fitted up a reading-room In the tomb of his ances tors on the lawn of his colonial e.tnto here. A tableful of magazines, a com fortable armchair, vases of flowers, and cases of books are included in the fur nishings, as well as couch and rugs, with a reading lamp.