Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (June 23, 2017)
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • FRIDAY, JUNE 23, 2017 FEATURES Kids don’t see dysfunction Dear Annie: I divorced over or someone reading this who a year ago after a 35-year mar- has been there? I am so sad and riage that was very dysfunctional heartbroken. I wish now I would — although my adult children have just ignored the affair, beat- and ex-husband did not see it that ings and sexual abuse just to keep way. Initially, I did not handle the my kids and grandkids in my life. divorce with any tact or finesse, — So Lost and Lonely Dear So Lost: The I’ll admit. I am sorry for DEAR last line of your let- that and have apologized, ter is devastating. Leav- but my kids still refuse ANNIE ing your husband was to have any contact with the right thing to do. me. You didn’t deserve that My middle daughter is awful treatment, and extremely angry because abuse is not a price any- I got the family home, one should have to pay and she tells me, “Dad is to be close to her family. destroyed.” Lane Divorce is messy. Per- Ironically, he has Annie Creators Syndicate Inc. spectives get muddled, moved on already and but clarity often comes is engaged to be mar- ried to the woman he was “see- with time. It’s only been a year, ing” while we were married. I though I’m sure it’s felt like an spent most of my free time with eternity for you. Let’s hope your my kids and grandkids. I thought children will see things more we had a good relationship, but clearly in the future and reach this divorce has shown me differ- out to you. In the meantime, commit ently. I have reached out to the kids and offered to go to counsel- entirely to your own healing pro- ing, meetings, etc., but have got- cess. Continue going to therapy, ten no response. My counselor even when you feel as if it’s not has advised me to figure out how working. Join a support group for else I can be happy in my life and victims of domestic violence and/ or sexual abuse or even a support move on. I am really struggling with group for divorced women. (Your this! Any other advice from you therapist can refer you to groups in your area.) You must learn to love yourself, first and foremost. Dear Annie: I am writ- ing in response to the letter from “Mary,” the person who is offended by her good friend’s interrupting their personal con- versations at church to greet oth- ers. There is a difference between hospitality and fellowship. When we are in a place of gathering, especially at church, and there is a good possibility of newcom- ers in our midst, we exercise hos- pitality. When we are in a group and know everyone in the group, we exercise fellowship. Before or after church is prob- ably not the best time for deep personal conversations. Instead, hospitality toward the newer folks should be the rule. Please advise the writer to be hospita- ble to others at church, especially those who may be less than com- fortable. There is a time and place for friends to visit, but church may not be the place. Focus out- ward, not inward, during these conversations. — BJEC Dear BJEC: I appreciate your insight, and I feel you’ve offered a nuanced, accurate reading of the situation. I’ve passed it along to “Mary” for consideration. 3C TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). If you’re in a place where second-guessing is second nature, you need a place of solace too — a home base you can touch where there are people you can count on, doing work you understand well. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You’re willing to face rejection. It’s something you have to muster up, but this willingness is harder than most people pretend, beyond the reach of many, and it’s the single most useful trait in increasing your influence today. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Making money doesn’t make character. Doing work builds character, and often the work will bring money. It’s important to make the distinction today. The riches that earn respect may not be gold. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Know your reasons. This is the difference between reso- lutions that fail and resolutions that succeed. When your reasons are good and deep enough, your resolve will make things happen. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). When the unexpect- ed thing happens it can be exciting in a good way — something to tell your friends about. Or it can be unsettling and hard to recover from. You’re sensitive to this as you set up expectations in those around you. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’re keeping track. In everything that happens, you’ve the equivalent of the black box of an airplane accounting for it. Flames and floods and love and war couldn’t change the account of the faithful, honest witness inside you. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Taste what you eat and get the full impact of what you touch. Treat your daily life and routine as though you’ll have to do a report on it later. This level FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE of attention will serve you well. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Your family of origin has much to report about the mettle you’re made of and the frailties stamped on you but in no way does it define the whole of you. The self-made part of you will shine today. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). There are those who do the right thing when the eyes of the world are on them, and there are those who do the right thing when they’re all alone. Align yourself with the latter and all will be well. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). If you’re go- ing to launch yourself into the hard challeng- es, you’ll need your own thoughts and feelings supporting you. Convince yourself. Encourage yourself. Get on Team You. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). When passion ignites, it’s a stroke of luck but not necessarily a blessing. Passion is the spark, the begin- ning. It has to turn into something sustainable to be a gift. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). There’s an eth- ical decision to be made. The morality of the situation isn’t deep but it is complex. Getting away with it doesn’t make it right, and getting caught doesn’t make it wrong. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (June 24). The mission drives you. At times you’ll be hyper-productive, singlehandedly accomplish- ing more than whole teams do. Respect your need to hibernate and rejuvenate; it’s how you’ll stay healthy. Lifestyle upgrades are ce- mented in November. A new study will delight you in 2018, and you’ll be paid well, too. Leo and Libra adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 10, 4, 44, 48 and 17.