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About Oregon courier. (Oregon City, Clackamas County, Or.) 188?-1896 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 13, 1895)
rniLLirs HELD ox. HE STAID WITH THE WHALE NOW 13 WELL FIXED. AND The Thrilling Adventure of Long Inland Truck Fanner Who Una ( Khars of the gualltlee tienernlly Credited to Ken I dent or Ilia Part of the World. "A whaling story? Well, there's i nntn here uuined Phillips, it truck farm er, mid of course a whnli-r. About eight years ago lie belonged to one of our boat crows. A big whale wan sightod nbout three miles out, und the, usual excite menu oeenrrea livery inau or a crew known his ilaoo, and when the alarm in given he drops everything und makes for tho beach. "So, at tho firm cry of 'Whalo!' the barber left his half shaved man in the chair, the man driving out of town drove back twain, the storckeeier deserted his customers, uiid everybody rau. "Tliis truck farmer happened to be trimming soiuo trees, and had no coat on, though it was a pretty cold day. He run down the road in his shirt sleeves, knife in hand, just us he was. If a mem ber of a crew isn't there, yon see, a vol unteer will get his place, mid if the whale is killed, bIno hisshareof the pro ceeds. Pliillips got there. The boats were manned the oars, harpoons, lances, etc. , are always kept right thereunder the boats for such an emergency und with the general help got safely through the combers that were rolling in from a pretty stiff sea. "Now, there's always a rivalry be tween whalemen as to getting in the first iron. The two crews were pretty evenly mutehed and reached the whalo about the same time, taking either side, the whale's nose being toward shore. It is a trick they play on a whale, you sea He just lies there, looking from one to the other, as if wondering which he'd tackle or which was liable to tackle him. The bowmau who was to throw the harpoon wus as much excited in one boat as in the other. Both threw at once, and both fell short yes, and both boats were swamped at exactly the same moment. The whale wus so surprised to 6ee everything suddenly disappear ou both sides of him that he never stirred. It was a nasty situation. "Phillips was thrown out of the boat right up against the side of the mon ster. Phillips was excited, and being a truck farmer from Long Island, hated to go out three miles und get only a wetting. He had the pruning knife in bis overalls, and while every other man was trying to right the boats he drew this knife and struck the whale a terri ble blow just back of bis left flipper and killed it. "Yes, that single blow killed it, but a whale never dies right away when he .gets a death blow. Phillips didu't want to lose his knife, and he could not pull it out. While he was hanging on to it the whale dived to the bottom of the ocean, taking Phillips ulong with it. You never heard of a Long Islander let ting go of anything voluntarily that hud money in it, so Pliillips held on. The -whale soon came to the surface, or else the man would have been drowned, and as soon as he camo up he male for the open sea, dragging Phillips alongside. "The whale never stopped until he got ten miles out, where he rolled over od his side, us dead as a suited mackerel. Now, Phillips was sticking on the star board side, you see, and when the whale rolled over the other way it brought the truck fanner on the upper side, and on a moderately firm footing. To be sure of not slipping off, he took off his sus penders and tied himself to his knife, still fast behind the starboard fin, and then went to sleep. "Well, sir, a ship came along and found the man there asleep on top cf the whale. The skipper hailed Phillips and woke him up. " 'What're ye doing there?' he says. ' "'Sleeping,' says Phillips. 'D'ye want to buy a whale?' "The skipper was a Yankee and saw that there was money in this job, so ho offered to rescue the truck farmer and take him back to Southampton for noth ing for whatever interest ho had in the whale. " 'Not a cent less than $2D0 will Duy me off," said Phillips. "'Then stay on,' said the skipper, and he squared braces and sailed away, leaving Phillips where ho was. Ho was a plucky mail, and he knew what a whale was worth. And he said to him self, 'I'll stick to my whale till I get my price, if I have to live on blubber all summer,' and then he cut out a chunk for a lunch. "But he was right in the track of ves sels and was finally picked up at a bargain by a whale ship just going around to Bering sea, and they took in the oil and bone and paid Phillips a big 6alary to go along more than he could make by his truck farm and summer boarders in five years. The skipper rea soned that a man who could go out and kill a whale alone with a pruning knife, and had pluck enough to stick to his find until he sold it, would be a good man to take on the voyage. And he was right, for the vessel had the biggest kind of luck, and came home full of oil. The share of tho truck farmer gave him a good start, and he invested it in a sand bank and sold out to New Yorkers for onntry seats. "He lives over yonder in that pretty cottage, but you'll know him by a scar on his nose, where the whalo scraped him on the bottom of the ocean eight years ago, " New York Herald. Proud of II la Work. "I hope you like your work, my lad," said a benignant elderly person to a messenger boy as they waited together to cross a street. "Men who take pride in their work are the men who suc ceed. " "Oh, I'm a record breaker, the manager says. " "That's the way for a boy to talk. Tell me how you do better than the other boys. " "I can take long er to carry a message than any of them." Providence Visitor. Student of Many Color. I have hud in my own study at Ox ford not only Turks, Aruhs, Hindoos, Siuir.wo, Japanese und Chinese, but I received only the otlii r day a visit from ono of theBluckfoot liidiuus, tho first uf thut trilio who had ever sot foot ou English soil, u most interesting und in telligont man, who was bewuiliug to mo tiio late of his ruce, doomed, us be thought, to disappear from the face of the earth, as if Babylonians und Assyri ans, Acadiuiis und Kitties had not dis appeared before, liis name wus fctronu; Buffalo (not Buffalo Bill), und a most powerful, determined und seusiblo man he seemed. Ho reminded mo of a young Mohawk who ulso used to deplore to me the futo nf his race. Ho came to Oxford many years ugo to study medicine. He camo in his paint and feathers, but left iu his cap und gown und is now a prac- ticiiig physician at Toronto. These visits of strangers from distant lands urn often highly instructive. I netted somo knowledge of the Mohawk language from Dr. Oronyha Teka. Due is thus brought in contact with some of tho leading spirits ull over the world. I have now, or have had, pupils, friends and correspondents iu India, Burma, Siani, ,lapuu, China, Korea uye, even in the Polynesian and Melunesiun iElnds, in South America and iu several African settlements. MaxMullcriu Nineteenth Century. The Vanlahed bencripllve Form. It maybe fanciful to ut tempt to trace a connection between the rarity of the meditative mood among readers and the prevalence of short poems among writers, but certainly there is a fulling off in long poems ou the aspects of nn ture. It would bo a brave Wordsworth who today would write an excursion and expect to have it read in the mo meuts of loisure accorded to the normal muu or woman. Somebody would reud it in order to write a review of it, short review thut one could read while waiting to start on un expedition for en joying nature, but very few other peo plo would. We ure so used to the tran sient and the various, we can go sc quickly from one uspect to another, thut wo demand thut our poets shull give us uu impression, not a description, or we buve so completely ushered into the quietest scenes the presence of contest, effort and attainment thut we insist ou some humau suggestion or some dramat ic coutrust within the limits of so call ed poetry of nature. Our poets have realized thut there is scant time for ad dresses and odes to the mighty muni festutions of creative force, and content themselves with the reflection of a fleet ing mood caught in a dozen lines and fixed ou the puge of a magazine. Phil adelphia Citizeu. A Naught of Soda. The little girl came into the drug store. "Pleath, thir," she said, "mother thnytb have you a naught of soda?" "A what?" repeated the clerk. "A naught of soda, " reiterated the little girl. 1 "Do you want a glass of soda water.-" asked the clerk. "No, thir. Mother .haytb I can't have that till eveuin. She thayth have you a nuught of soda? "What can she mcun? muttered the puzzled clerk. The child grew impatient. "A naught of soda, she said sharp ly. "Why, it ith a funuy bottlo wif a thquirter to it, and it goeth 'si-z' when you work it." 'Oh! You mcun a siphon of soda," exclaimed the clerk. 'Oh! Thipheu? Thipheu? Yeth, thir, it wath thipheu. But thipheus and naught ith the thume, ain't it?" Aud the clerk said that ciphers and naughts were the same. Philadelphia American. One of the Wonder of Phyalo. An experienced mechanic who was asked what he regarded as the most wonderful thing for general utility re plied: "The trucking of a car wheel is the most wondertul thing to me iu the whole range of science and invention. Here are two rails, up hill and down hill, round the sharp curves and along false tangents, and upon them fly at more than a mile a minuto, without jar or jostle, a dozen heavy cars drawn by an engine weighing GO tons. Passengers realize no danger, yet there is only the little flange of a wheel between them and eternity. An inch and a half of steel turned up on the inner side of the wheel holds up the whole train as se curely to the rails as if it were bolted there in grooves. " Albany Express. The Origin of Mrs. Grundy. How many who daily nse the name of Mrs. Grundy have any idea of her origin? It is generally believed that Dickens was somehow responsible for her, but a writer in the Dundee Advertiser points out that this is an utter mistake. The real creator of Mrs. Grundy was Thom as Morton, the dramatist (born' 1764, died 1838), the father of the author of "Box and Cox," and she is referred to in his comedy, "Speed tne Plow," which was first performed in 1798. Mrs. Grundy is not a character in that play. She is merely a mysterious personage whom Dame A sh fie Id, the farmer's wife, constantly quotes, much in the same way as Sairey Gamp alludes to Mrs. Harris. A Veritable Curioalty. Stranger I've a curiosity for your museum a woman 102 years old. Manager Pshaw! That ' nothing. Strancer But this one baa lost all her faculties, couldn't read through a telescope, couldn't hear Gabriel's Irani net. lost all her teeth, hasn't spoken in- telligcntly in years. Manager Now you re talking! When can she come: New York Sun. Prater I pt Ion by a Rival. Florence I should like to do some thing that would make him miserable for life. Mabel Then why don't yon marry him. Vtgue. ALASKA-CANADA LINE EXPLANATION OF THE TREATY S MUCH DISCUSSED NOWADAYS. Some Expect Trouble Iletwecn the Two Government Over Tlila Matter, but Very Likely It Will All He Fixed l'p by the ft tat a lepartinenta. If you are a newspaper reader, which of course, yon uro, else you would not be reading this, you have been puzzled over and over again by the almost dally allusions to the dispute uhout the bound ary between Alaska and Cunada, und it is quite possible that you have formed an opinion ns to tho right and wrong of the matter, perhaps without really knowing much about it. It is tho opin ion of the present writer that But this articlo is to be informing merely and not inflammatory aud will doul with fucts und not preferences. In a way the differences botweeu tho queen's colonists and Uncle guru's men are a legacy from the Russians, since the treaty between Russia and the Britisli defining tho eastern boundary of Hub eiun America was accepted by the TJuit ed States when Alaska was purchased from the Russians iu 1807. No trouble arose until a few years ago, when parties of American aud Cunudian engineers were sent to locate the line. The British interpretation of the treaty differs from MAP SHOWING DISPUTED TERRITORY, the American interpretation ; hence all the talk. Briefly, the provisions of the treaty, so fur as the present contention goes, are as follows : From the fifty-sixth parallel of lnti tude (north) "the line of demarcation shall follow the summit of the moun tains situated purallel to the coast as far as the point of intersection of the one hundred aud forty-first degree of west longitude," but "whenever the summit of the mountains shall prove to be at a distance of more than ten marine leagues from the ocean," the boundary line now in dispute "shall be formed by a line parallel to the winding of the coast, and which shall never exceed the distance of ten marine leagues therefrom. " This seems simple enough, but in this case, as in so many others, appearances are deceptive. In the first place, there is no mountain rauge "parallel with the coast, " and so the three league line must be laid out. The question then hinges on what is "the coast." There are two English and Cunudian interpre tations. One is that the boundary line should be construed to extend parallel with the outer shore of the islands strung along the mainland, and the otb er that the line shall bo run parallel with "the general coast hue of the capes and points of land at tho main land. The American contention is that the line shall be uniformly !!0 miles back from the main coast line. If the first of the English contentious shall be adopt ed, there are places where the Alaska boundury linn will not touch the main land at all. If cither be accepted, much territory that has heretofore been con sidered belonging to the United States will be Canudiiiu territory, but the ac ceptance of the American contention will leave the line about as it now fig ures on the school maps. From an agricultural point of view the territory in question does not amount to much, but gold mines, diversely de scribed as not of much account and of surpassing richness, huve been found there within the past few years ; hence the claims put forth by some Canadians and some Americans that the "other fel lows" are trying to "hog on" to what they ought not to be allowed to have. Some there are who expect trouble be tween the two governments over this matter, while others hold thut it will be settled peacefully in due time. Some there are on both sides who consider the territory in dispute to be well worth fighting for, if need be, while others say tho more territory either government possesses in that part of the world the worse off it is. At all events there is little likelihood of a war about it until after both American and Canadiun en gineering corps huve reported ou the whole business and the state depart ments of the two governments have had a chance at it. Those Alaskans and others who most strongly resent the present claims of the Canadians say these claims never would have been put forward had not the gold deposits mentioned been found. Cana dians, on the other band, declare the present claims to have been put forward long before the goldfields were discov ered. It is worthy of note that if the dispute be settled in favor of the Cana dians they will have the seaport of Juneau, the largest town in Alaska, which commands the entrance to thu goldfields. Juneau is located on the mainland, 150 miles to the northwest of Sitka, the capital of the territory, and is the starting point of all mining and prospecting parties bound for the inte rior. Miners go over the divide from Juneau as early in the spring as possi ble, nsually in April or March. This en ables tbeai to materially reduce the dis tance over which they must pack their plunder, there being plenty of snow for sledding at that time. TIDE WAVE FORTY FEET HIGH. Awful Ilor That Sweep Everything- Be. fore It on a Chiiieae Klver. Twice a year at euch equinox tho ruinous tides of tho Isinu Tang river, that flows from the borders of Kiiingsi, Fuhkieu und Chekiang to Hangehow bay, uttuiii their greatest height, und a bore of sometimes over 40 feet in height sweeps irresistibly up its shallow and funuel shaped estuary, often producing Iremi'udoiis havoc to tho surrounding country; hem-fits mono, "money dike," from tho amount expended iu successive centuries on its embankments. It is seen ut ils best ut Hangehow, tho prefectnral city not far from its mouth. Twelve or 14 minutes before it is visible it dull, distant roar is heard, immii.'iiiiu-.'y swelling, until the wall tf muddy wuter, tall as the bulwark of the biggest liner, us overwhelming as u glacier, sweeps into sight round the bend a mile uwuy. Not a bout is to be seen on the lately crowded river. All ure hauled up on to the huge embankment and moored fore and aft with a dozeu rattan cables, for none hut ocean going steumers could stem the current, und even they would need skillful navigation. As the eagre uears the roar becomes deafening as a storm at sea, drowning the excited shouts of the thousands who line the walls, until finally it foams post ill turbid majesty, hurrying towurd the heart of China. The Chinese unnuls tell bow, 1,000 years ago, Prince Wu Shu mado COO "daring" urchers shoot half a dozen arrows each ut the advancing flood, und then, after praying to Wn Tsz-si (the tutolary deity of the stream, and origi nally an upright minister, whose body was cast into the river after Wn hud committed suicide), put the key of the dike wuter gate into an envelope und threw it into the stream, whereupon the waters retired. ' But as by that time they would have flowed bock iu any cuso, even the Chi nese did not regard the experiment as very miraculous. A couple of hundred years later the emperor, Kan Tsung.hud ten iron plate?, each weighing about 100 pounds, sunk in the river by way of propitiating the spirits, but the wuter promptly carried away both charms aud embankments. Only last century a Hang-Chow tea merchant leaped into the river, like an other Marcus Cnrtius, to avert the un nual disaster. Black arid White. Mining by Hog Power. "I was riding through the mountains in Trinity couuty a few duys ago," suid a prominent mining man yesterday, "when I happened to take a trail that. led by old Burlap Johnson's cabin. Yon know he has ulwuys been called Burlap Johnson because be wus never known to wear u pair of boots, but always kept his feet sewed up in burlaps like can vas packed hums. I took dinner cold corn bread aud bacon with him, and then sat down for a smoke. " 'Wouldu't you jest as soon do your smokin outside, puduer?' he asked. "'Certainly,' said I, 'but you don't object to the smoke of a cigar, do you?' I was naturally surprised, for he was already puffing away at an old corncob pipe. " 'No, course not, seein as I've smok ed nigh on to 50 years, but I keep my hogs at work. ' "My curiosity was aroused, but I said nothing. He took down a double bar reled muzzle loading shotgun and his powder horn. Theu he weut out to a shed and got a pan of shelled corn. He sat down on a bench at the cabin door, rammed down a couple of charges of powder and poured u handful of corn into each barrel. He put on a percnssiou cap, pressed it down with the hammer, cocked both barrels and blazed away at tho side hill across the little gulch. The rour hud not diod away till a drove of hogs came miming, gruuting and squealing, and commenced to root the sidehill for the corn. Whenever they slacked up in their work, the old man fired another charge of coru. " 'That's a mean trick, I Baid. 'Why don't you feed it to thein in a trough?' " 'Feed it to 'em?' he repcuted iu amazement. 'Then thoy wouldn't work. Besides, they don't need it.' " 'What do yon want to make them work for, und why do you waste coru on them if they don't need it?' " 'Why, man alive! They do as much work as four men would. They root up the dirt, und when the raiu oomes I sluice it. ' 'Then I understood that he was us ing the hogs to help him mine." Suu Francisco Post. A High Priced Hangman. L'lntransigeant says that some years aco Charles Custellanl, tne Parisian painter, wanted to paint a picture of M. Dei bier, the executioner, to be exhibited in a panorama of Parisian notabilities. He didn't, because Mme. Deibler de manded 20,000 francs for the privilege of taking the "famous" hangman's likeness. In m Harry. Guest Geewhittuker ! You're spilled that coffee all over me f Waiter Very sorry, sir, but I was burryin to get through. Guest I'm in no hurry. Waiter No, sir, but it's most time for a gentleman to come in wot always fees me, sir ! New York Weekly. Knowledge and Money. Raggs Some people have more money than they know what to do with. Taggs They seem to know what to do with the dimes I ask them for. De troit Free Press. Garble originally meant to cull over, as beans or peas would be examined to free them from pebbles. Wyclif ' trans lation of the Bible saya that "Gideon garbled bis host." For dandruff an excellent preparation is made of two onncei of powdered borax, an ounce of powdered camphor and two quarts of boiling water. PUNS AND PUNSTERS. A DEFINITION OF THE FORMER AND EXAMPLES OF THE LATTER. A Few Specimen of the lletter ClaM of the Lowent Form of Wit Tom II noil the Prince of Urltlah Punater U Puu a Naturally a lie Laugh. Is tho pun a legitimate form of wit? Some people think not, und Dr. Johnson laid that it 11:1111 who would muko a puu would pick a pocket. But the fact is that the general objection to puns is bo cause of their frequent luck of wit- that is to suy, it is directed to bad pun:. Wo do not want to discuss bud puns or even to hour them. " The point is, whether good puns ure admissible as legitimate and commendable expres sions of humor. It is of no use to say, like Sydney Smith, thut puns ought to be in bud repute, and, ulthough one finds uu incorrigible punster often, it is true, un incorrigible bore iu every little circlet of social life, one does not find the ruce of pickpockets to be in creusiug ulurmiugly iu numbers. Nor do the statistics of crime seem to boar any relutiou to tho productions of Phmchet or Bruugh or of Gilbert to the spreud of burlesque und the cultivation of Bub bulladist opera. It is probable that there are a few, even in these days of culture, capuble of appreciating the profound witticism which Do Qniucey discovered iu the jests for which poor iElius Lamia was put to death by Domitiun. Cicero bud the name of being a great punster, although not many of his wit ticisms huve come down to us. There is one, hoivever, thut may be appreciated even without a knowledge of Latin. Once a Jew nttompted to get the cause of Verres into his own hands, aud Cice ro, who believed the Jew to be a mere tool of the culprits, opposed him by ask ing, "What hath a Jew to do with swine's flesh?" The Romans called a bour "verres," so thut the point was neat und appropriate. If we want to argue the legitimacy of puns wo are obliged to fall buck on the old discussion us to the difference be tween wit und humor. The definitions are legionul of course, but nut one of them is wholly satisfactory. "Knowl edge comes und wisdom lingers," Ten nyson says, uud pcrhups we might found upon this a purody, with some approach to truth thut wit sparkles aud humor permeates. But there is little profit to be got iu analysis of this kind. What is funny isu't necessarily witty, but what is funny must huve iu it or suggested by it some of the essence of humor. Thus Charles Lamb was not so for wroug when he suid that the most far fetched and startling puns are the best The familiar inquiry, "Is it true thut the first apple wus eaten by the first pair?", is farfetched, but one cannot deny tho humor of it Again, in tho conundrum, "Why is blind man's buff like sympathy?" "Because it is a fel low fceliug for a fellow creature," there is a direct application which is also unquestionably humorous. Then, as another example of a pun which is absurdly apparent, there was Douglas Jerrold's remark about a man to whom he had repeatedly written in vain for some money. "I huve writteu bim," said Jerrold to uu acquaintance, "but got nothing. " ."Strange," suid the other, "for he is a man full of kindness. " "Yes," rejoined Jerrold, "unremit ting kinduess. " A pun which requires explanation in brackets is indeed simply intolerable. The Oxford scholar who, meeting a porter carrying a hare through the streets, asked, "Prithee, friend, is that thy own hare or a wig?" required no commentator. This same story is some times attributed to Charles Lamb. Nor did Tom Hood, who, when all is said aud done, remains the prince of British punsters. He puns as naturally as he laughs. A babe cuu see the point of his jokes, und the crustiest dry-us-dust can not resist therm Theodore Hook is thought by many to be equal to Hood as a punster, but Hook was labored and slow in compari son, lucre Is an Impromptu air about Hood's puns which is incomparable, and an unexpectedness, even when yon are looking for them, that is delicious. Frederick Locker once or twice scorned to have Hood's unconscious ease, as thus: Ho cannot be complete in aught Who Is not humorously prone. A niun without a merry thought Can hardly have a funny bone. John Hill Burton relates a legal Joke which, to the legal mind, has all the charm of a pun. One day a bailiff, serv ing a writ, had been compelled by the defendant to swallow the document. In a state of great agitation and anger the officer rushed into the court, over which Lord Norbury was presiding, to com plain of the indignity. He was met by the expression of bis lordship's hope that the writ was "not returnable in this court." Bret Harto, by the way, is not tonal ly regarded as a professional wit, and yet among the good things which cling to one's memory is the couplet in the "Heutben Chiuee;" ConcenliK) In hUnalla, which 'were taper. What la common in taper that' wax. Somebody has written a parody in which a candidate for examination even beats the record of the Mongolian : Concealed in hi palm, which were pad on, What la common in palm and that' date. Speaking of palms recalls the famous pun of the bishop of Oxford, who, when asked by a lady why he was nicknamed Soapy Sam, replied, "Because, madam, I am always getting into hot water and always coming out with clean bauds." Perhaps it may be said that some of these examples are not true puns. But a pun is not necessarily a twisting of spelling and a contortion of syllables, as the writers of burlesque and "comic" papers teem to thick. It is play upon words, and to be really entitled to be considered witty should play both upon the sound and tbe sense, if possible. Philadelphia Pre. THE THREE GREATEST ACTRESSES. Bernhardt, Modjeaka and Duaa Bald l Have Mo Living nival. There ure perhaps only throe living Refreshes now in active life to whom tbe titlo "grout" would be applied by com mon consent. These are Surah Bcruhnrdt, Helinu Modjesku aud Eleouora Duso. JanauHchek, alas I although still upon tho stage, belongs to the post, while El len Terry, with ull her dainty skill aud radiant charm, has not yet reached those heights to which genius alouo can as- ' pire. Each of them excels in ways pe culiar to herself. Bernhardt, after carrying off all the laurels offered iu the artificial and do clumntory school of French tragody, hua devoted her maturest powers to the il lustration of the most violent passions inucoivublo by morbid imagination. Her achievements in this direction have been extraordinary, aud her druniutio genius cannot bo disputed, but some of her lat est triumphs have been won iu defiance of most of the laws of nature and many of the rulos of true art. Modjoska, if less potent in the inter pretation of the fiercest emotions than her French rival, need feur no compari son with her in poetic tragedy, whilo in the Sold of poetio comedy she is un rivaled. Her performances of Juliet, Rosalind and Opheliu are almost ideal ly beuutiful. Eleouora Dnse, whose fame has blazed up with meteorio suddenness, is pre eminent above all actresses of her time for versatility, that rare gift of imper sonation, still rarer among womeu than among men, which can conceal the real beueath the assumed identity without resorting to the common expedients of theatrical disguise. The phrase that such or such a part was assumed by this or that actor is beard every day. It is a convenient, oonveutional and meaning less expression. In tbe case of Duseit is used correctly and signifies just what bus happened. "Eleouora Duse," by J. Ranken Towse, in Century. ENGLISH AND ZULUS. Count Tolntol Saya They Are the Two Moat Brutal Nation. Count Tolstoi says the English and Zulus should both be bracketed together as the two most brutal nations on earth. Both worship their musole, and while the Zulus go about naked all day long, English women strip themselves half naked before they dine. The count wishes be had time to writs a book about them and their brutality. Apropos, some one has found time to write a book about the count, and it promises revelations. This person is a lady who lived for ten years as govern ess in the Tolstoi family. The following story is told about the pretended vegetarianism: "The old count always demanded that vegetarian dishes should be brought to the table for him, while his wife and the rest of the family ate beefsteaks aud other flesh foods. "It often happened that tbe countess would put a little chicken on her hus band's plate, but he, with indignant looks, would push it back, murmuring : 'No, I will not eat meat Absolutely, I will not. ' But I have often surprised hint going to the sideboard for a piece of roast beef which the evening before he had solemnly refused at table. Tbe carnivo rous instinct having been awakened, the enormous piece of meat would be swal lowed in one bite by this apostle of veg etarianism. "New York World Letter. The Dlplomatlo Clerk. "Honry, you haven't a room left, have you?" inquired a New York drum mer of his friend of many years' stand ing on the other side of the counter. "Standing" is used advisedly. "Not one," replied Henry, "but 111 look over the rack again and see if I can't find you a place somewhere. " "All right," said tbe New Yorker while his friend gave the slips his anx ious attention. Light broke over bis face in a moment, and be came back. "A man up on the parlor floor gave up his room about an hour ago, but he didn't expeot to leave it quite so soon. I'll send up and see if I can't hurry him. a little." The porter's bell was rung, a whis pered colloquy took place between Henry and that blue shirted functionary, and in 15 minutes the man from the seaport of which Chicago makes such frequent use was rejoicing in one of "the best rooms in the house." But the clerk omitted to inform him that tbe previous occupant had given up bis room at the precise moment when he had given up bis life. Na tional Hotel Reporter. An Archblihop' Abeentmlndedne. A correspondent writes : "Tbe stories, of absentmindeduess might be supple mented by the following instance in the life of Archbishop Trench : Dining at home one evening be found fault with the flavor of tbe soup. Next evening he dined out at a large dinner party. For getting for the moment that he was not in his own house, but a guest, he ob served across the table to Mrs. Trench, 'This soup is, my dear, again a fail are. 1 "Westminster Gazette. Bow Icelander Take Snuff. A peculiarity concerning the use of snuff in Iceland may be of interest Tho snuff is made into bars after the manner of plug tobacco, and is sold in that shape to the natives, nearly all of whom ure addicted to its use and prefer it thus prepared. The Icelander allows the nail on the right baud thumb to grow long for the purpose, and when using the snuff scratches it off - the bar with this nail on the back of tbe loft hand and applies it to tbe nose. Anzlotu to Comply. Professor (to student) You should have written on this subject, sir, so that the most ignorant uf your audience conld understand all that you have to lay on tbe subject 8tudent What part of my production is cot clear to you, sir? Boston Com mercial Bulletin.