The Gate city journal. (Nyssa, Or.) 1910-1937, June 15, 1923, Image 4

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    h ath a s a m a tte r of four**, q u ite a s tf
I w as g ra te fu l to A m elia T lth e rs fo r S n san In a hay lam p sh a d e an d a
it w aa a h ab it of hia to h a tlie in lily- tw en ty long y ears. T w en tieth y e a r of ta k in g S u san fa r aw ay whMe sh e w as w reath of red p e tu n ia s !
pools a t m idnight, fully clad — a s I th e a p p e a ra n c e o f Hon. A : ru-fus Im p erso n atin g su ch a lively lady a s Mr.
I h ard ly d ared tu rn my eyes to w ard
T u lk in g to n and Mrs. A u g u stu s T ulking- U u tc h iu s of Nome b ad su g g ested sh e tru n k N u m b er H . I d ared not ra ise
h ave no d o u b t It la.
ton In th eir d isg u stin g ly fa m ilia r p a r t i w as Im p erso n atin g , an d I ad m it th a t th e lid ; I could th in k of n o thing but
*4B athlng, George?*’ s h e said , a f te r
sh e h ad g re e te d me— k issed me, m ind of H o n o rab le A u g u stu s T u lk in g to n an d
E ve—E ve In th e G ard en of Eden. I
1 w as glad 1 w as to giv e h e r lit fo r tu t.
Mrs. A u g u stu s T u lk in g to n ,' w h a t? It's so to sp eak , since my S ep tem b er sched­ lifted th e tru n k hy th e h an d le and
y o u ! “ B e s u re to h ave a brisk rub
not
a
w
onder
you
w
ant
a
d
iv
o
rc
e
;
It’s
b efo re you tu rn in. And you cun com e
ule culled fo r m e to be a W lnstou Hop­ shook It. N o th in g ! T h e re wus ab ­
in to th e house now, A u g u s tu s ; Susan s w onder you d o n ’t m u rd er each
ple, lady k iller a n d tllrt. A fter a few so lu tely n o th in g in th a t tru n k I And
o
th
er."
lias ex p lain ed e v e ry th in g an d th e
ev eu in g s of coaching by G eorge T lth e ra beyond It stood tru n k N um ber 12.
Am elia T lth e rs w as looking a t me I w a s su re I would L>e ab le to c a rry my
c h au ffeu r la sle ep in g In th e ”* kitchen.
And beyond th a t stood tru n k N um ­
BY
thought
fully.
S u san h a s ta k e n Ids room in th e
Hopple role In a m an n er th u t would b e r 18!
“You
<
u
n't
grow
new
h
air,”
sh
e
snld,
g a ra g e ; te m p o ra rily , 1 hope, b u t It is
I w ent dow n th e s ta ir s slowly. F iv e
n o t cau se S u san th e least m onotony.
a very c o m fo rta b le room .
You do “b ut you m ight w e a r a w ig occa­ T w o o r th re e o f th e lad les In o u r tim es I stopped and stood, try in g to
sio
n
a
lly
.”
t r e a t y o u r se rv a n t« well, A ugustus. It
su m m er colony seem ed q u ite w illing to overcom e th e trem b lin g o f my lim b s;
“ W h at ho, y es 1” cried T lth ers, Jum p­ a s sist me In giving th e p a r t v erisim ili­ try in g to reg ain m.v usual com posure.
A ath o r
«#
“ The
In ru b a to r
is a lovely t r a i t.”
H m À j y ‘T M r » M k lll
of
•
“ S u san a tte n d s to th e se rv a n ts ,” I ing from his c h a ir excitedly. "W hen tude.
T h is unseem ly b u sin ess had gone fa r
D ad d 7 .” “ T h a t P a p /* “ C h eer-
he sta g e s h im se lf a s th e C onceited
said re lu ctan tly .
f * l M m «« g i e r e . "
H ^d H osm I . *
W hen S u san arriv e d sh e g av e m e one e n o u g h ; tru n k N um ber 10 m ight do
" D o m in i e
D m ii ,”
' ‘ ( W a t’ l
fo r a L ady M ercedes, hut fo r a re-
"D oes sh e ? She does e v e ry th in g so E lderly Ass, w h a t? A toupee, w h a t? k iss und h u rrie d to h er room , b u t
r M t k M B . ” “ P h il o M a b b ." “ P I« •
sp e ctn h le A m erican w ife—n o !
The
well, d o esn ’t sh e ?“ said G eorge T ith- And w h ite s p a ts I And a m onocle? No, Am elia T tth e rs p au sed a m om ent.
I« P I * * . “ “ I n P u w u . “ e t« .
not a m onocle. A m onocle c a n 't be
te n th M rs. T u lk in g to n m ight p lease
e r s ’ w ife.
“You’ll be su rp rise d I" she w hispered.
I m ight h a v e said. In rep ly to th a t, done.”
"8 u s a n Is doing It ao w o n d erfu lly I Lord Algy h u t u s fo r pleuslng Augus-
But It w as done. It w as not a com­ And o u r little p ra c tic e trip cam e off tu s T u lk in g to n —n o ! 1 met S u san In
“T oo confounded w ell!” h ut I d id not.
O o p r rU r h t b r U n ite d F e a t u r e S y n d ic a t «
p le te success. It w ould not «tick In my splendidly. You'll n e v e r ag ain th in k
th e hall. I g ra sp e d h er arm firmly.
II.
“ S u san ." I said , “ I have had enough
“T h e tro u b le ,” said G eorge, w hen he eye. but I d an g led It from a strin g and of S u san a s a stodgy, stu p id m urrled-
I had pou red h im self a ch ill-p rev en ter, learn ed to sw ing It a ro u n d my fo re ­ old -th ln g so rt of person.
You Ju st o f th is ! I h av e had plenty o f S u san s.”
“ A u g u stu s!" sh e cried, and th rew
$ I “Is th a t S usan Is a w ife In a m illion. finger q u ite well. E xceedingly w ell, I w ait I"
I'll say In e ig h t m illion. You to ld h e r m ay say.
W hen S usan cam e dow n to d in n er I h e r a rm s aro u n d me. “ A ugustus. I
E L L IS P A R K E R B U T L E R —
Ill
h av e h ad m ore A u g ustuses th a n I
sh e w as a w ife In a m illion, d id n 't you,
w as indeed su rp rise d . I tu rn e d from
E D IT O R IA L L Y S P E A K IN G
As a n y th in g seem ed p re fe ra b le to A m elia T lth ers, w ith whom I h ad been
could h ear. I w an t Just m.v old A ugus­
old top, w hen you w ere a new ly-w ed?”
tu s ! T w an t my plain old A u g u stu s!"
I d o n o t b e lie v e th e r e a r e m a n y
"N o n e of y o u r b u sin e ss!” I grow led. divorce, S usan an d I. a f te r thorough doing my b est to flirt, an d gasped.
p eo p le In th is c o u n tr y w h o nee^
“ And I," I said b risk ly , “w an t noth
“A h ! H e c o n fe sse s!” said G eorge co n sid eratio n of th e m a tte r In com­ Such— well, such lack of c lo th e s ;
a n In tro d u c tio n to E llis P a rk e *
Ing h u t my sa m e old S usan.
T h is
T itb e rs. “ And now, G ussle, m e lad, pany w ith G eorge T lth e r s and h is wife, Such a b u n d an ce of long e a rrin g s !
B u tle r, w h o se firs t fa m e a r r i v e d
w hole b u sin e ss h a s been no th in g but
because sh e Is Ju st th a t—a w ife In a ag reed to ap p o in t G eorge and Am elia
“T h e v am p lre-ty p e!" b re a th e d A m elia
w ith a littl e s to r y c a lle d " P I ks I s
Idiocy. W e can v ary the m onotony o f
P 1»g." T h a t fa m e h a s b een g ro w
m illion w ives exactly lik e h e r—you s ta g e m a n a g e rs o f our m arried life T lth ers. “D o esn 't sh e do It w ell?"
I n s s te a d ily e v e r s in c e w ith h is
o u r m arried ex iste n ce w ithout com m it
a r e sore. W h a t? B o red ! Rltlncr th e and I allow ed th em a liberal com pen­
She
d
id
!
F
o
r
a
few
S
ep
tem
b
er
d
a
y
s
m any
bo o k s, s h o r t s to r ie s a n d
tin g Im itatio n hlgiuny hy retail nnd
old fin g ern ails w ith e n n u i! D ead sick satio n . A fter a long co n su lta tio n I did try to flirt w ith som e of o u r
m o v in g p ic tu re s .
w holesale."
o f d e a r old Sue, and d e a r old Sue dead G eorge and A m elia decided th a t It fem ale neighbors, b u t b efo re a week
H e h a s le c tu re d , too, In a ll p a r t s
I w as trem en d o u sly relieved, fo r 1
o f t h e U n ite d S ta t e s a n d Is. p e r ­
sick o f nice old O u s tu s ! T h e tro u b le w ould be b est fo r G eorge to be my p e r­ w as u p I fo u n d I h a d enough to do In
h ap s. beet know n a s one o f o u r
gonal
m
an
ag
er
w
h
ile
Am
elia
m
anaged
ad m it now th n t J hnd been trem en
w ith you an d Sue, m e lad. Is th a t you
m aking love to S u san an d In try in g to
m o s t p o p u la r h u m o r is ts , th o u g h
S
usan.
I
ag
re
e
d
to
every
th
in
g
In
a
d
­
dously frig h ten ed .
T h e ten th Mrs.
need a co u p le of stag o -m an n eers.
crow d betw een h e r an d th e m en who
he w rite s fictio n o f a s e rlo is a n d
vance. h a t I w as su rp rised when
T u lk in g to n had up set me.
T h a t’s tro u b le N um ber One.
And
I n te r e s tin g n a tu r e , a ls o . H e s a y s
seem ed to ta k e h e r m asq u erad in g In
h e Is o n e o f th e fe w A m e ric a n
“ S u san ," I w hisp ered firmly, fo r I
tro u b le N u m b er T w o b a n g s on It— G eorge p re se n te d m e w ith a sheet of earn est. W e had one row, w ith Susan
w r ite r s w ho d id n o t b e g in h is li te r
p a p e r a t th e top of w hich he laid w rit­ In slith y colla—ao to sp e a k —on th e
w as not going to let h er come u n d er
you’re b o th n a tu ra l b ig am ists—”
a r y tr a in in g on a n e w s p a p e r.
te n “C a st of C h a ra c te rs ."
On th is ch aise longue, w hen I told h er w hat
th e Influence o f Amelin T lth e rs an o th
“ S top rig h t th e r e ! ” I cried.
H e w a s b o rn In M u s c a tin e . la .,
e r m om ent, “go up to your room nnd
a n d w e n t E a s t a b o u t 26 y e a rs a g o
"L ike all o f u s! L i e all o f us?” sheet w ere w ritte n six v arieties o f h u s­ I th o u g h t o f h e r co n d u ct an d sh e
bands, all m en o f m y acq u ain tan ce , called a tte n tio n to m ine, b u t w e kissed
H e Is v e ry m o d e st a b o u t h im se lf.
p re p a re fo r a Jo urney—u Journey w ith
said G eorge.
I t Is d iffic u lt to g e t h im to te ll you
y o u r own husb an d . You a r e colng to
"N ot a n o th e r w o rd !” I exclaim ed, a n d no tw o alik e. At th e head of the an d m ade u p lik e you n g lovers. T h e
a n y th in g , b u t I fin a lly did e x t r a c t
list w as w ritte n “ J a n u a ry —S elf, p ro s­ nex t m in u te sh e wag vam p in g old
Palm Beach w ith y o u r A ugustus, a re ­
exceedingly angry.
t h a t h e Is m a r r ie d —a n d th u s fu lly
pero u s b linker."
And follow ing th is H o ratio Peabody, th e silly old fool I sp e ctab le 'a n k e r and m arried nmn.
q u a lifie d to w rite fo r th e S t a r A u ­
"W hoa u p ! ” G eorge said then. "S top
w as “ F e b ru a ry — H. 1’. P lg g leto n , club­ And I had to m ak e ey es a t his stuffy
th o r S e rie s o f M a trim o n ia l A d v e n ­
Tn five m in u tes th e c a r will he a t th e
h e re ! T h e boss say s stop. W e’re
t u r e s —h a s fo u r c h ild re n , tw o of
m an, heavy sp o rt." and "M arch— W in­ old w ife In self-defense. I t was, In­
door. H u rry — fo r we have no tim e to
th ro u g h . A m elia. I only m e a n t to tell
w h o m a r e tw in s ; a n d t h a t w h e n he
w aste. B ut S u s a n !" I added a s sh e
him o f L ord Algy an d L ad y M ercedes, sto n B opple, Hlrf, lad y -ch aser." and so deed, a h asty an d h ectic m onth, as
Is n o t w ritin g h e w o u ld lik e to be
on dow n to “J u n e —C a rey S. F lick, con­ G eorge T lth e rs said.
tu rn e d to h u rry up th e sta irs . “Su­
fis h in g ; a n d t h a t h e Is m u c h I n te r ­
b u t he sa y s 's to p ! ’ and w e s to p ! ”
sa n !
Will you tell me one tiling?
e s te d In th e c u ltiv a tio n o f tu lip s .
“ Oh. L ord Algy an d L ady M ercedes !** ceited elderly fu sse r. etc." Ju ly I w as
"T h an k H eaven," I said to George,
Y ou h a v e a n u n d e r s ta n d in g w h en
W hnt w as In th e elev en th tru n k ? "
exclaim ed G eorge’s wife. "T he h a p ­ ag ain to he “ S elf, p ro sp ero u s h an k er." on th e last d ay of S ep tem b er, “th is
y o u a r e ta lk in g to h im o f th e g r e a t
And so on fo r th e second six m onths.
“ N othing. A ugustus," she Raid, her
piest tw o p eo p le! Such a h ap p y p a ir ! ”
p o p u la r ity o f h is w o rk , fo r he s e e s
m onth Is over. I hope S u san is to be
As th e m onth w a s now A ugust I w as
h an d on th e rail.
th e little , k in d ly , h u m a n p o in ts o f
"A lw ay s m a rry in g ! A lw ays m a rry
so
m
eth
in
g
resp
ec
ta
b
le
In
O
cto
b
er."
to he. not m yself, hut a person resem ­
“And In th e tw e lfth tru n k ? ” I asked
life In a h u m o ro u s w ay t h a t n e v e r
an d gay. w h a t? ”
” 1 say, you know I” G eorge exclaim ed. |
h u r t s —a n d w ith s u c h a m a z in g In
T h e p o o r w retch lau g h ed h e a rtily a t bling a s n early n s possible H. P. Dlg- “You d o n 't know th u t w ife of mine. I w ith a deep b reath .
s ig h t, too.
H e Is c o n s tr u c tiv e ly
gleton. F or flip m onth o f A ugust Su­
“I/ess th a n nothing, A ugustus,’’ snld
his m ise ra b le pun.
e n te r ta in in g .
Up and doing, w h at? A lw ays a little
“T h e T e n th M rs. T u lk in g to n " Is
"So ch eery an d hap p y I A lw ays di­ san w as to h a v e ns tier h usband not bit m ore, w h at? S p read a till m ore I Susan.
m y self h u t, to all In te n ts and purposes,
a h u m o ro u s s to r y —y e s, h u t h a s n ’t
I sh u d d e red to th in k of w hat a w ife
vorcing each o th e r and m a rry in g som e­
It a s e rio u s s id e ?
som e one e q u iv a le n t to H. P . Dlggle- sull—t h a t ’s h e r m otto, if you get m e." j m ay be cap a b le when driven to It hy
body else, a n d m arry in g each o th e r
M A R Y S T E W A R T C U T T IN G , J R .
“ You m ean to tell me— ” 1 gasped.
j deadly ro u tin e.
ton. G eorge T lth e r s saw th a t I w as
again so g a y ly !" exclaim ed A m elia.
“W ell, r a th e r I” exclaim ed G eorge
fu lly equipped w ith m an n ers and
“ And In th e th irte e n th tru n k , Su­
"B ecau se a m an g ets tire d o f th e
h a b its ; w hen he could not he su re w tiat T lth ers. “U pw ard an d onw ard , so to
sa n ?" I ask ed hoarsely.
d e a r old w ife a f te r tw en ty y ears, even
i.
H. P. D lggleton w ould do he Invented speak."
“ W hy. you old silly, my own
My only ex cu se fo r th ro w in g G eorge If sh e Is my s is te r,” said G eorge.
so m e th in g new f o r m e to do Instead.
elo’hes,” said
'sun with a la u g h ;
l ie w as r i g h t ; A m elia m ust h av e told
T lth e ra Into th e lily-pool a t m idnight
"A nd o f th e d e a r old re lia b le h u s­
“th e clothe« I w as w earing when
1 a d m it th u t a s th e day a p p ro ach ed him. “ Well ed u cated show -girl who is
la th a t I th o u g h t he w as m y w ife band, even If he Is th e m ost re sp e c t­
Amelia nnd G eorge cam e."
w hen I w as to becom e a practically not Ju st su re sh e h a s m arried th e
S usan. A s a p resid en t o f a hank and able old bnldy," said A m elia.
new an d unknow n husband to S u san 1 right m an,” w as w hat Am elia h ad cast
"Oh I” I said stup id ly . "Oh I Well,
“ E sp ecially If he is th e sa m e d e a r
a h ighly resp ec te d an d w eighty c l t l
becam e keenly ex cited . T h is w as not S usun fo r In O ctober. It w us w ith the
you’ve no tim e tn pack a n y th in g ;
sen I m ost se riously o b je c t to being old re lia b le h u sb a n d ,” G eorge c o rre c t­
b ecau se I w as to he a n o th er m an hut g re a te st difficulty th a t I w as ab le to
you'll ta k e th e th irte e n th tru n k .”
ra ile d “B a ld y ," an d I p a rtic u la rly ob­ ed her. " I t ’s th e blessed ro u tin e th a t
b e c a u se I kaew 1 w as to have in S usan m ain tain my role of a m an who re­
F rom P alm Beach I sent a larg e
je c t to being slHpped gully on th e top w a rp s ’em, don’t you th in k ? ”
a n e n tire ly new w ife. I had never g re tte d h is p a s t and w as seek in g his
check to G eorge T lth ers, and he and
" R a th e r ! ” sa id Am elia h e a rtily .
o f my h ead w ith a n o;ien hand. Or
been so In te re s te d In a n y th in g In my so lace In good hooks. It w as Indeed
Am elia w ere gone when we retu rn ed
" I t ’s like being m a rrie d to th e b ally
an y o th e r k ind o f h and. And I be­
life. W hen th e th irte e n tru n k s, con­ h ard fo r m e to sit w ith th e second vol­
T h at w as sev eral y e a rs ago, h u t I can
lieved th is T tth e rs p erso n —my w ife’s old W e stm in ste r Abbey, w h a t? ” said
ta in in g th e th irte e n com plete s e ts of um e of H enry E sm ond and see Susan
not p e rsu a d e S usan to allow me to
b ro th e r. I’m ash am ed to say—w as In G eorge. "A ct o f p a rlia m e n t n eeded to
c o stu m e s S u san a us to w ear In her m aking m erry w ith h a lf a dozen braln-
have th o se tw elv e tru n k s th ro w n out
E u ro p e. N a tu ra lly , then, when I had p e rm it even th e rio to u s Innovation o f
th irte e n Im p e rso n a tio n s cam e Into the le s i m s idles w hile h e r clo th es w ere
of th e sto rero o m In th e attic.
been d re a m in g th a t my w ife w as a new tom bstone. Not n new h a ir on
house an d w e re c u rrie d to th e s to re ­ p ractically a n In citem en t to unseem ly
"No, A u g u stu s d ear," sh e alw ay s
sta n d in g above mo In a divorce court, O ld B ald-T op In th irte e n y e a r s ! N ot
room 1 a c tu a lly trem b le d w ith excite­ levity.
I syas. “ I know now th a t m onotony Is
d en o u n cin g m e to th e Judge, and de­ a n ew -style hlc-cough out o f d e a r old
m en t a s 1 saw th e m an d n o ticed the
" It h a s been a lovely m on th ," S u san
th e one g reat cu rse o f m arried life,
c la rin g th a t even th e sig h t of my bald S usie since th e w edding b e lls !”
huge w h ite n u m e ra ls p a in te d on th eir said a t Its close. "I did feel so free. I
an d I love you so d early , A ugustus,
"S to p It I” I cried Irritab ly , fo r he
h ead h a d com e to h e n au sen tln g to
sides. I say th irte e n tr u n k s because hope y o u ’re to be so m eth in g re tirin g in l th a t I w ant alw a y s to h av e a few of
her, my first th o u g h t—w hen I felt th e w a s p a ttin g th e top o f my head, th e
A m elia T lth e rs h ad decided th a t, N ovem ber. I’m to be— ”
d e a r A m elia's tru n k s to w indw ard."
sla p on th e head a n d heard, “ W h at silly donkey. "L eav e my h ead alo n e I m onth by m outh, S u sa n should be th ir ­
“W h at?" I sn a rle d . I do believe I
ho, B aldy I"—w as th a t S usan w as a t
W h at a b o u t th is L ord Algy a n d th is
teen wom en. S h e felt th a t S usan, be­ sn arled .
SMALL FAMILIES THE RULE
ta c k in g me. In a n In sta n t I had L ady M ercedes— If you m u st ta lk ? ”
“W alt and s e e !" Rhe snld.
ing a w om an, w as eq u al to th e task,
“Oh, th e y ’r e Ju st off again on-agnln
leap ed from th e m a rb le bench nnd had
an d by le ttin g S u sa n be a different
T h e n e x t ev ening w hen I retu rn e d
Two W ives and Tw o C hildren Seem to
g rap p led w ith my a tta c k e r. G eorge g ay little m a rrle rs, A u g u stu s I” G eorge
w om an eueh m onth fo r th irte e n m onths from my hank n n d m et S usan I fell
Be th e L im it of th e Pygm y’s
T lth e ra cried o ut a m om ent too late, sitld. " T ire d o f on e w ife, get a n o th e r ;
w hile I run, so to sp e a k . In a cycle of Into a ch n lr an d sta re d at her. She,
Am bition.
fo r I h ad a lre a d y given a m ighty heave j tire d o f one h u sb a n d , get a n o th e r. I t’s
b u t six m onths. It w ould be m any years who hnd n ev er used rouge hnd used
an d h ad th ro w n him full length Into I done In th e ir circle. A m an does get
b e fo re th e sa m e h u sb a n d could have It too, too ah an d o n ed ly . H er gown— T
A pygm y fam ily rarely If e v er com
th e lily-pond. As m y m istak e b ecam e i tire d o f th e sa m e old w ife. R o u tin e
th e sa m e w ife. If, fo r exam ple, S usan can only d escrib e It hy sav in g th at
p rises m ore th a n fo u r to five |>ersons.
a p p a re n t to m e ns I saw G eorge stuff, If you g e t me. D eadly m onotony,
sh o u ld he M ary P. M iller In A ugust to even Mrs. H ln te rb e rry , who g o e s w hat
A h u sb an d u su ally h a s only one wife,
T lth e ra com ing o u t o f the lily-pond ' w h a t? Sick o f th e sig h t of h e r ; h a te
m y H. P. D lggleton, th e re w ould be la p ra c tic a lly th e lim it, would have
an d n ev er m ore th a n two, w hile tw o
on h is h a n d s an d knees, I apologized h e r— w h a t? "
no d a n g e r th a t sh e w ould he M ary P. h e sita te d to w e a r It.
ch ildren Is th e a v e ra g e num ber, th re e
M iller to my 11. I’. D lggleton th e next
fra n k ly .
|
“ I t's In u s," said A m elia placidly.
"L ik e th e co u n tess o f D u x m ln srer!
being co n sid ered too big a fam ily to
A ugust, b ecau se If M ary P. M iller was Am elia T lth e rs b reath ed In my ear.
“ I b eg y o u r p a rd o n ." I s a id ; “I > “T h e bigam y th in g . I m ean. Any m an
rear. T h e b a b ie s a r e In terestin g little
w ife No. 1, w hen A ugust cam e again “Chic, yes?"
th o u g h t you w ere m y w ife."
i w ho can afford It an d Is n ot re stra in e d
c re a tu re s, h u t to m e th ey seem ed to
S usun would he w ife No. 18, an d the
“R a th e rI
I sh o u ld think s o !" by convention o r h is eth ic s hops about
I sh u d d e red . 1 had read of th e
co m p are very fav o rab ly w ith w h ite
next A ugust sh e w ould be w ife No. 12.
G eorge sa id a s he em erged and shook a b i t ; h a s a v a riety . K ing Solom on,
co u n tess o f D u x m ln s te r; It w as sh e who
babies, sa y s a W orld W ide M agazine
T h u s a co n tin u o u s novelty w as a s­
h im self lik e a dog. “ B u t It's n ot n th e su lta n . H e n ry E ig h th , L ord B yron.
g av e th e n o to rio u s p a rty ut w hich she
w riter.
sured.
n ice w ay to t r e a t a lady, T u lk v ; Is It. A nd T lth y , h e re ."
lost th irty th o u sa n d [m unds ste rlin g
T h e pygm y m ak es a good husband
On
th
e
g
lorious
A
ugust
m
orning
now ? W ife d ro w n in g Isn ’t done In th e
“ In a w ay o f sp e ak in g ," said T lth e ra
an d th e n b et a ll h e r g a rm e n ts— and
and fa th e r, th o u g h he Is not av e rse to
w hen our e x p e rim e n t w as to begin I
beet circles an y m ore, yon know. B ut, m odestly.
l o s t ! And th is w as hut N ovem ber, and
giving Ids w ife n sound h eatin g w hen
opened my eyes nn d raised m yself on
I s a y : H a a It com e to this, re ally ?
“ And m yself, T lth y ," sa id A m elia.
Am elia T lth e rs ’ m o tto w as 'S p read a
h er b eh av io r seem s to him to m erit
my elbow to la k e a last look—for
T h e little g ra y hom e In th e W est m ust “ In a w ay of sp e ak in g , a s you rem ark ,
bit m o re sa il,’ an d th e re w ere nine
d ra s tic p u n ish m en t. P a rtic u la rly no­
tw elv e m o n th s— a t th e old S usan
b e ofT Its feed, w h a t? ”
d arlin g . A nd C le o p a tra , an d th e qu een
m ore Im p erso n atio n s on S u sa n 's list I
ticeab le Is th e low opinion w hich m ost
T u lk in g to n .
S he w as not there.
I
Now, my hom e I s n ot gray and It Is o f S h eb a—by a ll a c c o u n ts.”
I rin sed my ey es an d g ro p ed for th e
of th e trib e s o u tsid e th e fo rest zone
leaped from lied, b ath e d und h u rried
"N ow , sto p th is no n sen se I" I said.
n o t tn th e W e s t; It Is w hite m arble
s ta ir b a n n iste rs. W hen I reach ed th e
h av e o f th e s e q u eer little p eople w hose
Into th e clo th es G eorge T lth e rs hnil
an d on L o n g Is la n d ; b u t I let th a t “ You know , b o th o f you, th a t you do
u p p er floor I dodged fo r th e s ta ir s th at
th iev in g p ro p e n sitie s h av e earn ed fo r
su p p lied for my D iggleton im personu
p a n . G eorge T tth e ra h ad - In Ids silly n ot ru n a b o u t a f te r o th e r m en nnd
led to th e sto rero o m . T h ere, In a row,
them classificatio n w ith p ests like th e
tlo n an d h a ste n e d dow n sta irs.
tra y —p u t h is finger on th e ex act f a c t; w om en—"
w ere th e tw elv e tru n k s.
N um ber 4
hyena and th e jack al.
O ne n ativ e
“Y our w ife?" A m elia T lth e rs said w as not th e r e ; w as ev id en tly in Stt-
“ W ell, r a th e r n o t I" erled G eorge.
o u r hom e w a s "off Its feed." as he
spoke of them In m y h earin g a s “ wood
p le a s a n tly , "O h, yo u ’ll n ot see your sa n 'a houdolr. F o r a m om ent I stood
ch o se to say, an d en tire ly o(T Its feed. " H e don’t get ns, A m e lia ; h e's a bit
r a ts ” and sp a t co n tem p tu o u sly a s he
w ife th is m onth at all I S he Is, th is b efo re tru n k N um ber !Y It w as tin
I m ad e G eo rg e rem n tn w here he w as dense. T ell him .”
did so.
m onth, one of th e gaildy lad les who
“M a rrln g e,” sa id Am elin, "Is alm o st
w h ile I ex p lain ed th e m n tte r fully and
lo o k ed ; so w ere th ey all. I p u t my
to Ita lean t d etail. T o w a rd th e end o f n e v e r a fn llu r o ; m a rrie d life Is. M ar­ fly from th e ir h u sb a n d s In th e sum
hand on th e lid and h esita te d . A fter
B ritain ’s D ebt to "S calaw ag s."
m er.
S u san h a s gone to New;>ort.
th a first h a lf h o ur, ns th e night grew rla g e Is th e first Joining o f tw o people
,
..
all I could g u ess w hat m ight h e In
W hnt ch an ce o f success In life had
chilly, h is te e th b eg an to c h a tte r nnd to g e th e r, nnd Jolly sp o rt It Is w ith th e _____ . ,__
_______ ,
„, ,, ,
tru n k N u m b er o.
I m ight a s well
Ja m e s Cook, w ho Is honored th ro u g h ­
a little la t e r h e sneezed m any time«, g e llin g a c q u a in te d In tim ately , rubbing ex p ect h e r as th e second Mrs. Tulktng- know- th e w o r s t I sta g g ered to tru n k
out th e E nglish -sp eak in g w orld as ex­
ton
on
or
a
b
o
u
t
th
e
first
of
S
ep
tem
b
er.”
With g ra d u a lly In c re a sin g violence, sh a rp p o in ts to g e th e r, and all. S o m e
N um ber 18.
p lo rer n a v ig a to r? If he w ere In his
I ra n u ss e rt th u t S u san nnd 1 did
B at h e liste n e d p a tie n tly . T h is deep
th in ’ In te re s tin ’ all th e w hile, w h a t?
n a tiv e village to d ay we can Im neine
Now, I tr u s t I am not a cow ard, hut
n
ot
q
u
a
rre
l
th
a
t
A
ugust.
In
fa
c
t
I
•wed my th o u g h t th a t G eorge and h is And then. In a few y e a rs— five, m aybe,
him being picked out hy som e earn est
I did n o t d a re open th e lid o f th at
nnd longed fo r S u san a s ,
,
, .
„
, .
'r e c to u s w ife m u st h e dead b ro k e o r ten, o r tw e n ty —com es m a rrie d life ; n . e v , e r loved
refo rm er a s an exnm ple o f th e hope
i ,1 i .
, ..
, , ..
tru n k . A dozen tim es I drew n deep
tru
ly
ns
I
did
to
w
a
rd
th
e
end
o
f
th
a
t
............
.
.
.
.
.____...
.
.
.
ag ain , h o t I w as g lsd to h ave even s th e ro u tin e stuff. Awful here, sem e-
less s ta te to w hich hoys “on th e lan d ”
b re a th a n d a dozen tim es I h esita te d
m
onth.
I
w
asted,
so
to
speak,
m
y
II.
d ead b ro k e b ro th er-in -law h e a r th e tim e s ; sa m e old w ife ; sa m e old hus-
a r e condem ned. B efo re he w as In his
I tu rn e d to tru n k N u m b er 12, to N um ­
tr u th a b o u t S usan nnd m yself T h a t ! h « n d ; sa m e old w avs and e v e ry th in g ! I*. D iggleton role on th e d e se rt a ir, but b e r 11.
te e n s h e w as em ployed In scarin g
G
eorge
T
lth
e
rs
k
e
p
t
m
e
sp
u
rre
d
to
th
e
w as th a t a f te r tw en ty y ears of N othing n ew ! T h ey get Jolly w ell sick
crow s, and w hen tw elv e y e a rs o f age
•’A u g u stu s." I said to m yself, “he a
ro le an d 1 am su re I did well. I m ade
• life w e h a te d each o th er As o f each o th e r, nnd no w onder.”
m a n ! F a c e th is th in g !"
h e w as a p p re n tic e d to a sh op-keeper In
u
se
of
all
my
clu
b
s
an
d
I
did
enjoy
“ A m an— a m an w ith n b u sin e ss to
a i
* '" t th e reaso n I w as on
a little fishing v illag e n ear W hitby.
I th rew open th e lid of th e tru n k
th e m a rb le bench hy th e Illy pool a t a tte n d t o - - c a n ’f be running a ro u n d them . 1 played m ore au ctio n bridge c o n tain in g w h a t w as to he. In effect.
He w as ev id en tly r a th e r a "scally w ag "
m id n ig h t w a s b e c a u s e I h ad told divorcing hla w ife every day o r so.” I th a n In all my p rev io u s life.
th e B ritish em p ire ow es m uch to Its
"G us," one of tny frie n d s said. “I ' ‘!>e re n ,h M rs T u lk ln * ‘>"
At first
S usan I w ould n e v e r ag ain spend an said.
scally w ag s an d Ills m a ste r cancelled
h ard ly know you! You’re like a d lf
,n ,n k
to ho1'1 " " " 'I n g but
"C
rick
ets,
n
o
t"
exclaim
ed
G
sortrs
h o u r u n d e r th e sa m e roof with her
his In d en tu re* .— London Dally T ele
fe re u t mull. M aybe you d id n 't know H few red a r,Ifle " " «»W ert nnd som e
an d th a t to m o rro w we would b e-in T lth e ra . " H e ’d h e doing no th in g ev'se;
g raph.
hay. lum ped In one sm all c o m er. I
It.
hut
you
w
ere
g
e
ttin
g
stu
p
id
and
t
h
a
t
’s
n
ot
th
e
rig
h
t
card
th
e
rig
h
t
seem ly b u t Im m e d ia te p re p a ra tio n s
; sto d g y - you w ere g e ttin g in th e 'old lifted these. T h e re w as n o th in g else
fo r a s e p a ra tio n an d divorce
I had c a rd Is tn m a rry th e w hole lot at th e
M ost R em a rk ab le Bird.
fam ily nm n’ rut. W ell, bid >m u p ; In th e tru n k I T h e red Mowers, as I
first
Jum
p
off,
If
yon
get
m
e.”
m ean t to sp en d th e n ig h t on th a t m a r
T h e h o actzln of B ritish G uiana Is
looked a t them , assu m ed a m ean in g —
i bid ’em u p !”
"I
don’t
,”
T
antd
dryly
bl* bench.
one of th e m ost rem a rk a b le b ird s In
I m et, to w ard th e end o f A ugust, a | th ey w ere a w re a th fo r th e h e a d ; th e
"Y on did It, th o u g h ," sa id Am elia,
th e w orld. Alm ost as soon a s it Is
" I say I” G eorge axclatm ed betw een
hay w as sew ed to a n arro w band.
b
a
n
k
e
r
from
Nome
H
e
h
ad
met
S
usan
h atch ed th e y o ung h oactzln craw ls
sneezes, w hen I h ad concluded “T h e w ith a la ag h . "S u sa n did It. ton. It's at P o rtlan d .
¡T h e re w a s ex trem ely sh o rt hay. Pic
o u t of th e nest by u sing Its w ings as
little old tro u b le h a s becom e q u ite a a poor stick o f a w om an th a t Isn't a
tu re s o f H aw aii an d th e S outh Sen
“
Som
e
w
ife
!”
he
sa
id
enthuslasM
oni-
fo refeet
T h e “ th u m b " and "forefln I
sn o rter, w h a t? Jo lly full tim e the doc­ dozen w om en, an d a poor stick of a
U
"Som e lively la.lv, M r T u lk ln g ' '
b r" in 1
g e r" of th e w ings have claw s w ith
to r w as called, ves? A rrived In th e iiian th a t Isn 't h a lf a dozen m en."
to
n
:
J
u
s
t
sh
o
w
,
how
folks
can
he
,
b
M
°
h
,n
“W h a t w e m ean ." T lth e rs b ro k e In,
w hich th e voting b ird clim bs about th e
ntek o f tim e, d id n ’t I. T u lk y ? And. I
ag in atio n I could see n early all of
m ista k e n — H enry T n rk e r, who w as [
b ran ch es. As soon a s th e w ings grow
say. do yon m ind If I ensconce m yself “ Is th a t yon an d S ue need to he stage- flown h ere last y ear, sa id y o u r lady I i | th e heaoh— an d n early all o f S u san :
stro n g enough to su p p o rt th e b ird In
in th e pool a h it? T h e w a te r seem s m at aged, w h a t? You tw o h av e tw en ty w as one o f th ese house-broke ladles. I felt s i c k ; su d d en ly sn d ex trem ely
roles In you. betw een th e tw o o f yon.
th e a ir th p claw s d isap p ear. T lie New |
a b it w a rm e r th a n th a a ir.”
sick I So th is w ss to he my w if e '
tint yon w on’t change. You August us. o n e o f th e nice old fam ily perso n s Oh. T his w as to he th e ten th M rs T a lk in g
York Zoological p ark has Just got th e
T h e Idiot. I do believe, would have
k eep In th e m id d le of th e s ta g e fo re v e r hoy !"
first sp ecim en s ev er to he held In
g o n e b ack In to th e pool, h nt th a t p re
an
th e ..............
H eavy e F a a r th
..... d . a " n day
„ a as s to
n e r and
an a
» « « « » '« *
» "a. I
.^ T o tT * ’
c a p tiv ity .—Y o u th 's C om panion.
d o n e w ife o f hla cam e c u t looking for S ue h a s been playing th e F a ith fu l W lfa
«lt* «1 S u s a n s r e tu rn In S eptem ber.
*
him . S h e seem ed to ta k e his Illy pool
The Tenth
Mrs. Tulkington
Ellis Parker Butler
L ook A ro u n d W h ile O n . J - . •
tio n
B ack in th e en d o f w in te r M rs. W .
J . C ro w d e r o f L y n c h b u rg , V a., re ­
p o rte d to th e N ew
Y ork “ W orld
t h a t sh e h a d a n o te in one of th e
p o ta to e s s h e w a s f ix in g f o r d in n e r.
It r e a d : " I g o t 24 c e n ts p e r b u sh el.
W h a t did y o u p a y ? " an d w as sig n e d
G. F . B e a rd s le y , S ta n to n , M ich. M rs.
C ro w d e r p a id $ 1 2 0 f o r t h a t b u sh e l
o f sp u d s an d w as in te re s te d to n o te
th is p ric e in c re a s e o f e x a c tly
400
p e r c e n t fro m M r. B e a rd s le y ’s f a rm
g a te .
O f c o u rse th u t is u lo n g w a y to
b r in g p o ta to e s an d V irg in ia m ig h t
w ell g ro w h e r ow n.
B u t th e f a c t
r e m a in s t h a t th e p o ta to e s c o s t 24
c e n ts , th e se rv ic e on th e m 96 c e n ts ,
a n d t h a t su c h a d iffe re n c e
m eans
b ad s e rv ic e o r ro b b e ry , o r b o th . P o ­
ta to e s a r e o n ly one o f th e fo o d s on
w h ich w e a r e so a k ed f o r th e s e o v er-
b o n e h e a d c h a rg e s . W h en , a s , a n d if
you a r e o u t in th e c o u n try th is s u m ­
m e r, look ro u n d a n d see w h a t f a c ts
you ca n g e t a s to how food is g ro w n
an d w h a t it c o s ts. T h e n you w ill be
ab le to do y o u r p a r t in s t i r r in g u p
p u b lic o p in io n in y o u r to w n f o r b e t ­
t e r m a r k e tin g a n d m o re fo o d se rv ic e .
— C o llie r’s W eek ly .
For Quick Service
Call
th e
Nyssa Transfer
PHONE 70F2
■
« •
• •
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•ad
•
■'
'
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H O T A N D CO LD B A T H S
L. B. U A M .Y h.LU , T ro p .
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CARDS
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HH.
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omusj p a tin o
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o ttic a ;
W ilao n
HEARS
ll i y c i o t a a
D ra g u a .
U l.lg
over
B a d e rs '.
M . U. H O A IE
ile a l ta s ta le D e a le r
IN S ! RANCE
U lllc e a t lle s iu e u c e , d id A E h rg o u d
B onded
Aw e a s e
Nysea,
O regon.
C IT Y U K A Y L IN E
C. K lin k e n b e rg
PR O M PT D E L I VLB Y
R e a so n a b le R a le a
P H O N hi Itik H
A T lO ltA h iY ES A T LA W
hi. M. B L O D G E T T
A tto r n e y • i L e w
L an d a u d l i o n a to w o rk a S p e c ia lty .
N yssn, O r e g o n . ______ _
K.
W. SM A LLER.
A tto r n e y n t L a w
B o o m s 11 1 4 , I t
W ilso n B ld g .
O n ta r io
O reg o n .
Hey There!
How about your letterheads,
billheads, statements, enve­
lopes, cards, etc. Don’t wait
until they are all gone and
then ask us to rush them out
in a hurry for you. Good work
requires time
and our motto
is that any­
thing that's
worth do­
ing is worth
doing welL
L e t uc h a v e t h a t o r d e r N - O - W
w b He w e h a v e th e tim e t o d o y o u r
P r in tin g oa i t e h o u ld b e d o n e .