VERNONIA EAGLE. VERNONIA. OREGON
Something Else
Inquisitive Employer — Ella,
what’s become of old Simon?
Ella (the cook)—He done died
wid lead poisonin’.
Employer — Lead poisoning? I
didn’t know Simon was a painter.
Ella—Nossuh, he was in de
chicken business.—Pathfinder.
thinks
about
Defenders of Communism
ANTA, MONICA, CALIF.
—Every time I write a squib
against communism, there fol­
lows a flood of letters from per­
Forgotten Age
sons who begin by saying
The Son—I’ve got to write a
theme in English on the women they’re not communists—perish
of the Middle ages. What do you the thought.
S
But either I’m attacking free
know about ’em, dad?
Father — There aren’t any. speech — as though free speech
They’re all girls, young matrons meant free license to undermine our
government; or, by indirection. I'm
and dear old ladies.
Call Again
Servant (to professor in bed)—
The doctor is here to see you, sir.
Professor (absent-mindedly)—I
can’t see him now. Tell him I’m
mi
Who's Looney?
A man in an insane asylum sat
fishing over a flower-bed. A vis­
itor wishing to be friendly walked
up and said, “How many have
you caught today?”
“You’re the ninth,” replied the
nut.—The Bee-Hive.
Reverse the Charges
Taxi Driver — That’ll be one
buck an’ a half, young feller.
Young Feller — Gosh! — Say,
you’d better back up to 75 cents.
That’s all I’ve got!
CHEST C
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HAMLINS
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For MUSCULAR ACHES and PAINS
Due to RHEUMATISM -NEURALGIA
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trying to undermine
trade unionism, al­
though what trade
unionism has i n
common with com­
munism is some­
thing which I don’t
quite see.
One camouflaged
red — or anyhow he
must be reddish—
states there are on­
ly 100,000 known
communists among Irvin S. Cobb
120,000,000 of us, so
why worry? But wouldn’t you worry
if 100,000 lepers were suffered to
go at large among us, or 100,000
stinging lizards to run wild?
•
•
»
Alice
Faye
/7udd
Ata/iion Plunkett
ÍIS Kerri
«N ear
OLD MISS or LNKJNb
MACS. HAS Seesi a
steeple - jack
fok -
OMBB. TtNO NEARS.
SMe ADMITS IT
Tb SE ATPKlLUNG-
JOB ANO BEMBALED
TUeee- is excellent
MQNeM in PAINT-
IN15 FLAG FOLps
FCC- A LNIN&«
IO HATt TO
Be COOQTIM
heard the mascot's first wild howl,
suddenly silenced
:
as the noose drew
together, Above, apparently self
executed, the cub, snorting inter-
mittently, , writhed upward, using
his paws, got a straddle of another
limb, there to recover his breath.
Up the bole of the jack pine the
old bear again scrambled, further
adding to her perplexities. She
couldn't understand why her cub,
making manly efforts to descend at
her request, toppled from his perch
Chapters From Canada's Jungle and all but hung himself four times
Book—The Bear Mascot
hand running. In each instance she
N A previous visit to Jas­ boosted him back to safety, but
could not get him free. An Indian
per Park in the Canadian who
witnessed the preliminary con­
i Rockies I have always made
it following the disappearance
fusion
part of my program to drop of the football team, came in to
into the warden headquarters Jasper Park and notified the game
of the park and sandbag my old wardens of the unfortunate bear's
predicament.
Davi/
“Smltty’s” Travels.
EADING about t. police sergeant
who retired after forty years’
service and never set foot off of his
native Manhattan island made me
think of a gentleman known a s
"Smitty” who, in my reportorial
days on Park Row, was general
roustabout at Andy Horn’s saloon.
Smitty was born in the shadow
of Brooklyn bridge and grew up
there. He had traveled the various
boroughs, but no matter where he >
went was always within the greater
city. Finally he took a tour to for­
eign parts. He went to visit his ,
sister, who’d married a truck gard­ . friend H. S. Davis for a column
“Mystified by what was occurring
ener back of Newark, and the broth­ ■ dealing with the private lives
er-in-law, who owned a car, toured 1 of wild animals or birds, with midst the branches of the gallows
tree, she was not inclined to allow
Smitty about the landscape.
I was one who greeted Smitty on ( which he holds the same sort of any one to approach the scene of
communion that exists between action.
his return.
“Fur me,” he said, "never againl thoroughbreds and horse train-
An Aerial Rescue
I don't like that Joisey. Why, all 1 ers.
them towns over there is got dif-
"Ten feet distant from the tree oc­
Nature has no secrets that he does
ferent names.”
hot share. All wild things are com­ cupied by the mascot stood another
• • •
rades with him. This time I asked pine. Whatever of rescue was to be
tried must be done from there by
Dolling Up Lobbyists.
tor a bear story.
the climbing expert, who was ready
HAT ever became of the bill I “An old or a young bear?"
with a long pole to which had been
“Both”
V V introduced
introf
* into
........................
the Louisiana
legislature requiring lobbyists to i “That brings to mind," he said, woven a sharp hunting knife. Moth­
wear special uniforms while follow­ “the time when a football club from er bear resented his every attempt
ing their trade? As I recall the Hamilton turned up in the park in to reach the tree and scale it As
a last resort those present, armed
original act, it provided that lob­ search of a bear mascot.
byists of less than three years’ ex­ “Securing fifty feet of sashweight with brickbats, rushed the mother
perience should wear green skull cord they went into the brush and bear, pelting her until she changed
caps and rainbow-hued plaid trous .located a four months’ cub, appar­ her position long enough for the pole
ers; veterans were to wear the ently alone, which they lassoed and lineman to get out of the danger
green caps and all-white suits, prepared to make captive. Bad zone and install himself in the
which latter seemed especially ap­ business in a bear country. Before tree which adjoined the cub’s quar­
propriate, white being the color for they had time to effect a huddle ters.
purity.
“Every attempt on the part of the
or arrange means for the get-away,
It’s just too bad if ihe notion has mother bear, accompanied by two rescuer to cut away the sash cord
been allowed to languish. And if an other cubs, turned up apparently entanglements was frustrated by
amendment were tacked on requir­ from nowhere and routed the pig­ the cub's repeated slapping at the
ing that a certain type of legislator skin kickers, who fled, leaving the I lade tied on the pole. Great cau­
must wear garments with no pock­ mascot with the sash weight cord tion was necessary to avoid wound­
ets in them and buttoning up the still noosed upon his neck.
ing the captive, violently opposed to
back, princesse style, so the wear­ “Young bruin, glad of freedom, the efforts that were being made
er couldn’t slip anything inside his bolted for a jack pine and swarmed for his preservation.
bosom—well, there you'd have an into the branches fifty feet aloft,
“Again the old bear returned to the
idea that any state in the Union the cord trailing behind. Mother
could profitably adopt, or, anyhow, bear, bewildered by the long, flap­ the tree and made a final attempt to
reach her now highly inarticulate
almost any state.
ping cord attached to her offspring, cub. still enraged in batting at the
• • •
shinned up after him and made knife which the lineman adroitly
an investigation, which developed kept out of range. Presently, in
Styles in Women's Hats.
She the midst of our joint maneuvers
AVE you noticed those sub-divi­ nothing to her satisfaction.
sional hats the women are tried to coax him down, to rejoin the mascot—endowed with good
wearing this season?If not, kindly brother and sister bear waiting at luck—twisted himself into a knot
and was rendered helpless to strike
do so. It’ll distract your attention the bottom of the tree.
at the long-handled knife designed
from the part-time frocks some of
Young Bruiu Hangs Himself.
for his liberation. With one swift
them are wearing.
“Stubborn at the outset, but finally
The average woman is wearing iallowing himself to be persuaded, thrust forward and upward the
what looks like part of a hat—say | the mascot, cautiously at first, be- blade severed the cord close to the
one-half to two-thirds. I’ve heard Igan backtracking downward club's neck, freed the tension and
the more of the original hat the ¡through the thick branches, com- gave young bruin his liberty. With
milliner chopped off, the higher , ing presently to grief when the sash a howl of joy the football mascot
went the price for what was left. cord, entangled, yanked him from started down, slipped, landed on
I suppose with hats, as in the-case the lower limbs and tightened as his mother now half way up the
of a good clean appendix opera­ he slipped into space, leaving the jack pine, and knocked her loose.
tion, if they'd cut the entire thing cub suspended—that is to say, hung. They hit the welcome earth of Al­
berta Province with great violence,
away, only very wealthy women Quite so.
the mother recovering first, only
could afford to go bare-headed.
“Mother bear, already down and to begin licking her offspring.” t
IRVIN 8. COBB.
waiting with the other two cubs, i
rTaarrl.kl —WNTT
R
O
Chicken Casserole
small onions
cup of peas
cup of string beans
cups of sliced carrots
cups of diced celery
broiling chicken
One broiling chicken put under
the broiler until nice and brown.
Add % cube of butter; then put in
casserole dish; then add one stick
of butter and put vegetables in
each corner. Brown one table­
spoonful of flour in butter then
put in oven with cover on and
steam until vegetables are ten«
der. Serve hot.
Copyright.—WNU Servlc«.
The abbreviation k. stands for
karat, which in this sense means
the twenty-fourth part, of hence
18-k. gold means a metal eigh­
teen parts gold and six parts oth­
er metals, usually copper and sil­
ver in proportion to make the
desired color. The chief use of
alloys, or other metals, is to brace
and improve the wearing quali­
ties of gold, which in its pure con­
dition bends and wears easily.
SOOTHING TO
TIRED EYES
Modern living puts such a strain on the eyes
that more and more people are finding Murine
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invisible dust, gives amazing comfort when
eyes are watery and inflamed by a cold. Murine
is a physician's formula containing 7 ingredients
of proven value in proper care of the eyes. In use
for 40 years. Today—get Murine at your drug «tore.
Laugh, but Be Cautious
Laugh at your troubles if you
will, but don’t get into the same
ones over and over.
AsÆforGENUINE
W
CLASSIFIED
DEPARTMENT
MANUSCRIPT
Manuscripts—Will correct English, spell­
ing; 25c thousand; typing, 40c thousand.
A. A. Primley, Route 2. Bothell, Waste.
FOR COLDS
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Sa I icon Tablets
HAVE RECOGNIZED MERIT
. . . It is the
DOLLARS
... that circulate among
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Buying our merchandise
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keeping our dollars at
home to work for all of us.
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"Quotations"
-
V-------
I have always felt that religion wai
something to be lived, not discussed.
—Mary Pickford.
It is so much eaaier Io be enthu­
siastic than to rraaon.— Mrs. Frank­
lin D. Roosevelt.
No one can doubt that China la
one day destined to be among the
most powerful nations. — Pearl S.
Buck.
I think women are giving up
men’s idras about life and stepping
back to the home.— Queen Maria of
Rumania.
Youth will be served. Middle-age
should be.- Fannie Hurst.
The people who make wars never
have trouble getting the money to
do it with.— Gen. Smedley B. Buller.