VERNONIA EAGLE, VERNONIA. OREGON
Uncle
Aspire to Humility
Aspiring to nothing but humility,
the wise man will make It the height
of his ambition to be unambitious.
As he cannot effect all that he
wishes, he will only wish for that
which he can effect.
Trouble Is the busiest thing In the
world. Half the people are looking
for It and the other half are trying
to dodge It.
When your motto Is, “Do It now,"
what delight there Is in occasionally
not doing It.
No one Is Infallible. Even the
weather man may get caught out In
the rain without an umbrella.
Practically
Nothing
\IH1EN I left Ted Rayburn In
’’’ New York in the spring I had
him practically eating out of my
hand. So when the president of
the Drama club in our little sum­
mer colony told me Ted was coming
down to put on “The Loves of Lady
Isohel” for the club, I knew that I
could have any part of the play that
1 wanted.
His train got in at five in the
morning, but I was waiting. Be­
fore lie got through raving about
how grand and noble I was to get
up practically in the middle of the
night to coiue down to meet him, I
told him I wanted the part of Lady
Isobel In the play.
But instead of saying “Okay. Love
of My Life,” as I expected him to,
he pulled out a note book and
showed me the list of the members
of our colony and how much each
had contributed to the Drama club.
And because the fathers of Edith
Grand and Evalyn Stroud had given
the most, Edith or Evalyn would
have to be I.ady Isobel.
"Your show's a flop right now,” I
told him. “Those two girls you’ve
picked are absolutely’ youthless.
They’re so old they won’t even tell
their age to the census taker ; they
must be nearly thirty.”
“Even at that extreme age," Ted
said, “they may be able to creep
out nn the stage and mumble a few
words.”
For a minute I felt as if 1 just
couldn’t be In anything so sordid
as this play was going to be. But
when our Drama club puts on a
show people come from miles
around. Last summer one of the
big New York producers was In the
audience, and after the play he
walked up and gave the leading
lady a fat contract. I couldn’t af­
ford not to be In It. But it certain­
ly burned me up to see telent and
beauty snubbed for a few paltry
dollars.
After dinner we met at the boat
house and the committee helped
Ted assign the parts. All but Lady
Isohel's, and they left It up to.
Edith and Evalyn to decide w’htch
one of them would be Lady Isobel.
The part they gave me was per­
fectly asinine—a sweet little sl3ter
In white organdie and blue ribbons.
The only thing that made life
bearable was the way Edith and
Evalyn acted. First one and then
the other would get Ted off tn a
corner and tell him why she should
be Lady Isobel. He kept giving me
the S. O. S. sign. But it wasn’t my
day to get dizzy from doing too
many good turns so I just left him
to stew In bls own Juice.
“Feed ’em both poison. Beautiful,
By LILLIAN OAKLEY
© McClure Newspaper Syndicate.
WNU Service.
and I’ll give you the part so quick
it’ll make your head swim.” Ted
told me after our third attempt at
rehearsing without knowing which
one was Lady Isobel.
“Cross your heart and hope to
die if you don't." And I made him
do it. It looked almost Impossible
for me to get rid of both of those
girls, but you never can tell.
Just when I thought we were go­
ing to have to give the play up or
make Lady Isobel a twin, the min­
ister came to our house to dinner.
It's the first time I ever did get
an Inspiration from hearing a min­
ister talk. But Doctor Bradley told
about the time he built a new church
and the two richest women in the
congregation wanted the same pew.
The board and committee were
about to split up over it when Doc­
tor Bradley settled the whole thing
without any trouble.
As soon as we got up from the
table I excused myself and went
over to see Edith. Then I went and
had a little visit with Evalyn.
Ted was late that night. The min­
ute he came on the stage Edith
rushed over and handed him her
script for Lady Isobel.
"Awfully sorry to disappoint you,
Ted,” she said, “but we have unex­
pected guests and I won't be able
to work up such a big part. Give
it to Evalyn and let me be In the
chorus.”
Everybody looked at Evalyn. She
didn’t look happy—just sort of up­
set.
“I’m terribly sorry. Ted,” she said,
“but my aunt is very ill, and moth­
er said at dinner that I mustn't ac­
cept such an Important role for we
might be called away at any time.”
Ted looked positively goofy. If I
hadn’t walked right up and taken
the part of Lady Isobel out of his
hand I don’t kuow what would
have happened.
“What’d you do to those two
girls?” Ted demanded as soon as
we started home. “You did some­
thing. When I saw them this morn­
ing they were both still dead set on
being Lady Isobel.”
“It’s Lesson Number Three In my
Modern Psychology,” I told him.
“You visualize yourself being what
you want to be and you're it. I saw
myself as Lady Isobel, I am Lady
Isobel.”
“Baloney,” he scoffed, “you did
something. I hope I get out of town
without having my throat cut.”
But what I’d done was practically
nothing. I just told Edith that Ted
was going to suggest at the next
rehearsal that she and Evalyn settle
for the part of Lady Isobel by let­
ting the oldest one have it. Then
I told Evalyn the same thing.
5M2
DOGS
"BLACK LEAF 40"
■/Keeps Dogs Away from
■ Evergreens,Shrubs etc.
EtP IMeUw 1’4 Tcaipoonful
per Callon of Spray.
about
ollywood , calif .—
H
They say this will be the
liveliest fight for years and
years, with glee clubs gargling
and the boys out with brass
bands—and brass-knucks; and
HEN kidneys function badly and
you suffer a nagging backache,1
batteries of college professors
with dizziness, burning, scanty or too
firing on opposition professors.
frequent urination and getting up at
But they’ll never reclaim the glo­
night; when you feel tired, nervous,
rious ancient spirit. We’re too tame.
all upset.. . use Doan’s Pills.
Take ’96. Now,
Doan'i are especially for poorly
there was a cam-
working kidneys. Millions of boxes
are used every year. They are recom­
paign for you.
mended the country over. Ask your
When Bryan was a
neighbor!
discovery instead of
Take Your Chance
a chronic recur­
Make the most of yourself. Don’t
rence.
wait for some other fellow to maite
Two life ■ long
the most of you.
friends would meet,
Every night count your blessings.
“What d’ye think
Every morning count yesterday’s
of this here free
mistakes and be careful.
silver thing?” one
Best after dinner speech at home
would ask. “I think
Is praise of the dinner.
Irvin S. Cobb it’s the greatest no­
tion in history," the
Happiness Is Inexpensive
second fellow would say. “What do “Morning sickness”—is caused by aa
Savages really have the most un­
you think?” "I think you’re a dirty acid condition. To avoid it, acid must be
alloyed happiness. Unlike the civi­
such-and-such !” The first man offset by alkalis — such as magnesia.
lized, they don't care how cheap their
would yell, and then everybody Why Physicians Recommend
strings of beads are.
would start bouncing those old-
He must be a pretty good sort of
Milnesia Wafers
fashioned cuspidors off of everybody
man who has accomplished half the
These mint-flavored, candy-like wafers are
else
’
s
dome.
things he Intended to do.
pure milk of magnesia in solid form—
• • •
One’s brother will not be senti­
the most pleasant way to take it. Each
Funny Foreign Names.
wafer is approximately equal to a full adult
mental to one as his brother, blit he
ORD from Warsaw Is that dose of liquid milk of magnesia. Chewed
will usually come around with his
the incumbent, the Hon. Mar- thoroughly, then swallowed, they correct
pocketbook when you need it.
Jan Zyndram Koscialcowski, having acidity in the mouth and throughout the
digestive system and insure quick, com­
Pretense Most Painful
resigned, the president of Poland plete
elimination of the waste matters that
Poverty is not so painful as pre­
has picked as the new premier cause gas, headaches, bloated feelings and
tense. When we have w’hnt is want­
none other than Gen. Felicyan a dozen other discomforts.
ed to make us comfortable, all the
Slawogskladkowski. The latter gen Milnesia Wafers come in bottles of 20 and
rest is vanity, excess and envy.
tieman has already been Installed 48, at 35c and 60c respectively, and in
Children have such good health, no
up to and including his first five convenient tins for your handbag contain­
wonder it Is hard to control them.
or six syllables, the rest of the ing 12 at 20c. Each wafer is approximately
Be glad that they are vigorous, any­
name running as a second section. one adult dose of milk of magnesia. All
way.
So what you mistook for static good drug stores sell and recommend them.
All the success achieved in crea­
on the radio night before last was Start using these delicious, effective
tive work Is earned and hardly
Just the news broadcaster trying anti-acid, gently laxative wafers today
earned.
Professional samples sent free to registered
to pronounce him as a whole.
physicians or dentists if request is made
Most of us are addicted to the
• • •
on professional letterhead. Salact Product«,
habit of passing the buck. The man
Ever Rising Taxes.
Inc., 4402 23rd St., long l«lond City, N. Y.
who misses his alm in life is apt to
nybody who fondly believes
»Mjnf’THrw’Tn«
demand a larger target.
35c & 60c
that, rec
regardless of which out­
bottle*
fit wins In November, taxes won’t
BOYS! GIRLS!
keep right on going up and up has
Read the Grape Nuts ad in another
a thinking apparatus that dates
k 20c tin*
column of this paper and learn how
back quite a spell.
to join the Dizzy Dean Winners and
I’d say it dates back to the cli­
win valuable free prizes.—Adv.
max of the big rise, as set forth
MILNESIA
WAFERS
In the Bible, and Is a direct in­
Quality of Thoughts
heritance from the skeptical folks
The happiness of your life depends
who wouldn’t harken to the pro-
M ■■ ’ A’
J
open the quality of your thoughts.
phetic w’arning.
Th* Original Milk of Matonaia W atara
Remember the scene, don’t you?
The forty days’ rain still beating
24—aj
relentlessly down, the freshet climb­ WNU—1A
ing higher and higher, the animals
marching in two by two.
And with the old ark starting to
Wherrmtlie Northwest
move and Father Noah yelling:
“All aboard." and with the waters
closing over their heads, those
know-lt-alls still gurgling through
their valedictory bubbles, “Shuck­
Apply New De Lure Dr. Scholl's
in's, there ain't goln’ to be no
Zino-pads on any sensitive spots
flood.”
caused by shoe pressure or friction and
• • •
you’ll have instant relief. They stop pain
of corns, callouses and bunions; prevent
Honoring Lee and Jackson.
sore toes, blisters; ease tight shoes. Flesh
n the hub of Portland Oregon'»
color, waterproof; don’t come off in the
HEN the Post Office depart­
bath; economical. Sold everywhere.
shopping and theatrical center....
ment includes among the gal­
these two splendid hostelries
lery of the greatest Americans, to
fer you every comfort and luxury
be pictured In the new issue of
memorial stamps, the faces of the
at extremely moderate cost
Confederate chieftains, Lee and
BEST IN THE WEST
Jackson, what happens?
Portland’s newest and finest ho
Why, nobody waves the bloody
tels. located in the hub of th«
shirt. Nobody ennobles the sorry
word "traitor” by applying It to
shoppinq and recreational distrio*
the memories of those two gal­
.. .are the unquestioned choice cd
4 View of the Great Bridge
lant soldiers and simple Christian
experienced travelers.
gentlemen. Nobody in the name of
An airplane view of the San Frac­
»50 ROOMS from *2A
cieco - Oakland Bay Bridge with full
patriotism drags the mouldering
details of construction will be sent
bones of sectional rancor out of
free to any address upon request.
the ground. Nobody beats
Also full information covering Engi­
“Rogue’s March for Rebels"
neering courses in Diesai, Electrical,
hate’s snare drum.
Mechanical, Mining, Aeronautical, Radio,
Instead, all over the Union, men
Air Conditioning, Chemical, Civil, Architec­
and women applaud this generous
tural and Structural Engineering.
HEATHMAN
but merited gesture. A leading pa­
MWI ««MHO*
Better Daye Ara Hera Again
per
of
~
~
Boston
—
Boston,
no
less,
sad young men may confidently look for­
ward to real opportunities. So far as we
once
the
mulching bed of abolition
know — every graduate of this college is
Mrs. Robert S. Platt, wife of Professor Platt of the Geography depart­ and the breeding ground for anti-
employed. Address —
ment of the University of Chicago, submits with a laugh to the demands of southern sentiment — editorially
RXYTKHNIC ENGINEERING C OU EGE
Aguarana Indians for a lock of hair. The Indians are natives of Peru. In­ commends the idea.
13th at Macteoa SU.
Oakland. CaNf.
Established in 18S8 — Grants Degrees
habiting the eastern foothills of the Andes near the beadwaters of the
O regon
IRVIN 8. COBB
e Part timaomploymrnt fir tftosa who destri ft.
Amazon. In days agone they took the heads of visitors to tbelr lands.
Coovrlaht.—WNU Service
Miserable
with backache ?
W
D oans P ills
No Need to Suffer
MorningSickness’
W
A
HEÀTHMAN
Took Her Hair but Not Her Head
HOTELS
D-r Scholl si
Zino-pads
W
fer FREE -»II,
PORTLAND