(©, Bell Syndicate.)— WNU Service.
NCE there was a Parent who
was so heated under the
Neck-Band that he laid back
his Ears and lifted his Bristles and
vowed that he wouldn’t stand for
any more Bough Comedy. He had
been the Angora long enough. Papa
was fed up. Old Beliable was ready
to put on bls War Paint and Feath­
ers and lift a few Scalps.
Of course you have guessed the
Plot. It deals with the Younger Gen­
eration. Once It was known as the
Rising Generation, but that was be­
fore It Rose to such an Eminence
of Cussedness that It hit all the
High-Spots and could not be expect­
ed to establish any more Altitude
Records without completely blow­
ing the Lid off.
All of us know that any old-fash­
ioned Dad who hops Into the Arena
and engages In a Battle with a
handsome and well groomed Hound
about 10 years old or a night-bloom­
ing Deb Is licked before the Gong
sounds. The Old Folks have not a
single Decision In the Western
Hemisphere during the last Five
Years. Every time a Verbal Cham­
pion goes against a bewildered Has-
Been, the result is a Foregone Con­
clusion.
Notwithstanding which, Mr. Grlv-
ets, still nursing the Delusion that
there was such a Thing left In the
world as Parental Authority, got
Wallle and Edna on the Carpet and
proceeded to lay down the Law.
O
Barking Words That Don’t Bite.
He tried to win his Argument by
making a lot of Noise. This 1 b Faded
Material. The more he vociferated
the more helpless he felt, in the
Presence of the titled Noses and
the scornful Eye-Brow. He started
out as CaeBar and finished up as a
mere Splutter.
He pulled a lot of new Regula­
tions on the Offspring. For In­
stance :
No More Late Hours.
No More Using the Car Without
Permission.
No more Charge Accounts.
Severance of Diplomatic Rela­
tions with all of the Calclmlned
Cuties and desperate Hlp-Toters
who frequent Hooflng-Emporlums.
No more Attacks on the Ice Box
at 4 A. M.
No more Inviting up to the House
those Jovial Acquaintances who
look as If they were wanted by the
Police.
No more Breakfasts served at 1
P. M.
No more sotting fire to the Bed
Clothes with Cigarettes.
In brief, the Program which Mr.
Grlvets outlined with scathing Dic­
tion contemplated a Return to San­
ity, Sobriety and Simple Living,
with an Incidental Endorsement of
the Coolidge Doctrine of Economy.
After he had Just about talked
himself lioarse without getting any
Results except a few pained Looks.
Edna took a long Pull at her Cork
Tip, and said: “Well, Pop, you are
barking very well this Morning, but
you haven't spilled anything except
a Lot of Words. You must have
been brought up back of a Barn or
Some Place like that. I never saw
such a Doodle Heck. The Jaws
keep moving and It sounds like
somebody saying Something, but
the Whole Thing Is Just Gooseberry
Mnrmnlnde. As an Orator you are
a total Bust. Just a Wlbble, that’s
all. I advise you to wash up and
get off the Lot.”
Hot Zizzer Obtains New Coat.
"And If this Pickle Juice you are
serving Is meant for your perfectly
wonderful Son. you can deliver my
Share of It to some Poor Family,”
spoke up Walter. "What a Flbgrot-
tle you turned out to be! Stand
Ing there, right on top of a Rug,
and trying to tell me how to loosen
a Parachute and mnke a Jump.
Boy, I’ve got Miníala and Speed
Records that you never read about.
You're Just a Man that lives up at
our House. You're wliat we have
to explain to otir Friends. You are
Just the Scale on our Family Tree.
We have a right to be annoyed by
yon, but we’re not because you are
the unfortunnte Victim of Flannel
Pajamas and too much Cereal Food.
You have the Boobitls, which means
that there Is no Circulation above
the Adam's Apple.”
“For the first time In the History
of the World, the Grlvets Family Is
making the First Page," suggested
Edna. "Wallle nnd I are putting It
over, In spite of yon and the other
Handicaps. We are crashing Into
Swell Dumps whore Yon and Ma
couldn't break In with a Jimmy. We
are a couple of hot little Zlzxers and
you ought to be rooting for us In­
stead of trying to check In before
Midnight. Why. the Bambinos we
travel with don’t get their Eyes
wide open nntll about 11 P. M."
“What’s more," chimed in Wallle.
“this loud yelp about using that
broken-down Taxi is Just a Giggle,
If you wasn’t such an Oof, you
wouldn't ex|>ect two Headliners to
travel around In an old 1931 Model.
Why don't you come out of your
Dole and buy each one of us a
Racer^somcthlng Snappy with real
Lines to Itr
“Yon want something that goes
with a Raccoon Coat," suggested Fa­
ther, trying to be Sarcastic.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 18, 1933,
VERNONIA EAGLE, VERNONIA, OREGON
PAGE TWO
“The Raccoon Coat Is about six
weeks out of Date." replied Hoc,
with a weary shake of the Head,
suggesting that Dad was an Incur
able Yap. “I have just ordered
one made of Manchurian Spotted
Fox. It will make all the other
Laddies burst Into Tears and 1 aui
getting It for Four Hundred Bucks."
“Europe will have all of the
War Debts paid before you earn
that much Money," said Mr. Grlv­
ets. “You talk about Four Hundred
Dollars as if It were Something to
be picked off a Bush. If you don’t
mind, I should like to have you two
Birds of Paradise remember that I
do not get my Money at a Pump.
I am just an old Frazzle, brought
up under the Prehistoric Conditions
of the MId-VIctorlan Era, but If I
I didn’t get out and rustle a new
. Bank Account every week, you
would starve to Death before
Spring. Having attended all of the
Movies, read all of the Books, and
seen all of the Plays, you are now
making a Frantic Attempt to make
all of the other Sheiks and Shebas
look like Second-Raters from Poke-
vllle. The only reason I am so In­
terested In your Criminal Ambitions
is that I am supposed to finance all
your delightful little Expeditions
into the Underworld. Sometimes I
wonder what the Finish will be.
Probably your Mother and I won’t
live to see It."
Fooling the Slickers.
“Oh, many Pishes and a couple
of Tushes I” exclaimed Edna. "Any
poor Gillie who expects his Daugh­
ter to braid her Hair down the
Back and play the Cottage Organ
in these hoopla Days, doesn’t de­
serve to have one. What would
you Rheumatic Relics do these
Days If you didn’t have the Young
People to talk about? And did you
ever stop to think that if we stayed
home Evenings and played Authors,
Croklnole, Jack Straws, and Tld-
dledy-Wlnks, all the Saxophone
Players would be out of Work, and
there would be a lot of Suffering?
“We are the busy little Life-
Savers of this transitional Period.
If it wasn’t for us, the Earth would
have a Crust on It. A lot of you
dodderlug Dummies who are stick­
ing around after your licenses have
expired ought to be tickled to Death
to pay the Expenses. We are giv­
ing you real Entertainment, but
the Trouble Is you are not keyed up
to it. It Is too bad that we find In
our Cities so many small-town
Rubes who get in by mistake. We'd
love to take you and Ma with us
If you could keep up and main­
tain the Pace and exhibit some
Class, but It's no use trying to show
you any Touches of High Life, be­
cause neither one of you Is galted
to be a Stepper.”
"The Situation Is clearing up
somewhat,” said Mr. Grlvets. "I can
begin to see that your Mother and
I are wholly to blame. Either that,
or we should have sent both of you
to the Reform School about Ten
Years ago.”
“You old Wlckles and Dlladads
make me plumb tired,” said Wallle.
“Whenever several of our typical
Parents get together these Days,
they sit In a Back Room licking up
Scotch guaranteed to be a Week or
Ten Days' old, and worrying for
fear that the Young People are not
getting a good quality of Gin. Those
who haven't Fallen Arches still try
to Dance, and most of those not
running for Office seem to be mak­
ing a Joke of some Good Law. And
yet they are always roasting us
Kids. You are a lot of Jabber-
nowls."
"What's a .Tabbernowl?"
“I don't know. I’m simply trying
to protect the Author. He writes
his Stuff at least a Month before It
Is printed, and of course, any Ju­
venile Slang that he put In would
be out of date, cold and discredited
before the time of Publication. So
the only Safe Plan la to coin a few
Words which mean Nothing and
put them In and then the Slickers
may think that he has dug up some
New Ones which they have not
heard.”
This unexpected Reply put Fa­
ther on the Ropes. By the time he
recovered, the two Moderns had
picked his Pockets, cranked tip the
Bus, and started for a Nice Place
known as The Purple Bulldog.
MORAL—As long as It does not
really Interfere with any Arrange­
ments made by the Children, why
not let the Old Fogles rave?
King's Verger to Retire;
Has Served Sixty Years
John Crisp, the verger at Sand
rtngham church, is retiring on a
pension granted by the king after
00 years of service with royalty.
He has shown probably nearly
half a million people from all parts
over the beautiful church, with its
solid silver altar table and pulpit,
precious stones, and memorial win­
dows and plaques of past members
of the royal family.
Before becoming verger, Mr. Crisp
was an attendant at the skittle al­
leys at Sandringham house, where
kings and emperors used to play.
He remarked In connection with
that work : "I have picked up the
pins (skittles) for nearly all the
monarchs of fifty to sixty years."
He Is seventy-three years of age.
and probably the oldest employee
of the king, who Is now pensioning
off his workers at sixty-five.
Mr. Crisp Is rather sad at retir­
ing, and feels the wrench after so
many years’ service. He will also
receive the national pension.—Mon­
treal Herald.
Along the Concrete
DNTÍHATfilf
6? a P 1Ö
NtfMOiWW BIOWAY
IS AIWUT IWfLYt MKIIMK
I |Æ FIRST O»JS ROAP
ACER
we
\&e
16ETF
ri r
SEAT DRIVER.
HER P/RECDONS
Riverview
Everett Rundell
Earl Dial and C. F. Horn from
Longview left for Caldwell, Ida.,
for about a three weeks’ trip.
Mrs. Horn and children will visit
here with her sister-in-laww, Mrs.
Earl Dial.
Mr. and Mrs. Elmer A. Pumala
were in Portland over the week
end.
Mr. and Mrs. Clarence Fowler
are camping at Trenholm for a
short while, and Mr. Fowler is
cutting wood.
Mrs. B. Robbins is working
for Art Owens.
Mike Willard caught a wild
cat Saturday morning on his way
to work. He is keeping it in a
small cage and is going to try
to tame it.
Mr. and Mrs. Glen Hawkins
spent the week end at Wilark
with Mrs. Hawkins’ parents.
June Sinclair from Portland is
visiting Verda Chapman for a
week.
Mrs. Owen Higbee, Mrs. De
Lapp, Sheila Owens and Grandpa
Hopson went to Portland Tues­
day.
Mr. and Mrs. Wiley and family
from Kelso spent the week end
with the Charles Hambly family.
G. B. Smith, Miss Inez Slavens
and Hazel Smith spent Saturday
and Sunday with Mrs. -Virgil Pow­
ell. Mr. Smith and Miss Slavens
returned to Portland, but Miss
Smith will visit here for a week.
Mr. and Mrs. Louis Laramore
and John Laramore were in Port­
land Saturday to see the Consti­
tution.
Roy and Shelby Cook, Melville
and Verda' Chapman and June
Sinclair were in Westport Satur­
day evening.
Sonny Schalock was in Port­
land Sunday.
Mrs. C. O. Marston has return­
ed from a four weeks’ visit in
Vancouver, B. C. and Victoria.
While Mrs. Marston was there she
met her aunt from London, Eng­
land.
Mr. aift? Mrs. Babe Watson of
Buxton spent Thursday with Mr.
and Mrs. J. W. White.
Mrs. K. W. Bentley of Portland
visited her mother, Mrs. J. R.
Laramore and her sister, Mrs. M.
Willard, last week.
Mr. and Mrs. Ed Buckner were
in Portland Tuesday on business.
Elza Varley and Lloyd Kauff­
man were in Strassel Sunday.
Mr. Hugly and family from
Manning had Sunday dinner with
Mr. and Mrs. J. W. White.
Babe Serafin spent the week
end with her sister, Mrs. Glen
Hawkins.
Mrs. Clifford Fowler spent the
week end in Portland and at St.
Helens. While in Portland she
saw her husband and reports that
bis eye is getting along as well
as could be expected.
Mrs. Verda Jones, Mrs. Mary
Anderson and Mrs. Helen Chris­
tiansen of Mist called at the home
of Mrs. Geo. Miller last week.
Mrs. Florence Nanson from
Astoria spent Saturday night with
Mrs. Geo. Miller.
Harvard Malmsten was in Sul­
tan the first of the week, and
brought Miss Dorothy Ratkie
home.
Mr. and Mrs. Merle Cline and
family visited in Clatskanie Sun­
day.
Mrs. Tom Crawford. Mrs. Geo.
Miller and Mrs. James Nanson
called on Mrs. M. Dunlap Friday
afternoon.
i
Aæ*-r
Money spent here
for printing bu$s
Quality
Work« «
NELSON PRESCRIBES
FOR POTATO DISEASE
The flea beetle attacks -on po­
tatoes and other crops in Colum­
bia county have been very severe
during the last few years and
they are making a severe at­
tack again this year. A number
of remedies have been recom­
mended for controlling the flea
beetle but one of the most suc­
cessful remedies that have been
recommended apparently is the
calcium arsenate.
This is mixed as fallows:
Calcium Arsenate ........ one part
Hydrated Lime ............ four parts
This mixture is applied as a
dust on the potato vines.
Calcium Arsenate can also be
put on as a spray using 1 %
pounds to 50 gallons of water.
Further applications of the spray
should be made every ten days
or two weeks in order to get the
bast control as the beetles seem
to increase rapidly or move in
from other vegetation.
Another dust that has proven
to be quite effective is barium
fluosilicate one part to part diat­
omaceous silica.—Geo. A. Nelson,
county agent.
CHRISTIAN CHURCH
F. Claude Stephens, Minister
Services for August 20: A. M.
9:45, Bible school. Lesson from I
Samuel, chapter 3, 7, 12. Come,
enjoy our Sea-Level campaign.
A very good time together and
preparatory for 10:45, Divine
morning worship. Theme
“Through a Glass Darkly.”
P. M. 7:00, Christian Endeavor
and time spent profitably. 8:00,
rousing evening song service.
Theme, “In Favor Divine.”
Very important announcements
for the future. If absent the mes­
sage is lost.
Evangelistic Campaign Soon
Under the auspices of the Ver­
nonia Christian church a great
meeting is to open August 27
with James Earl Ladd leading.
Evangelist Ladd comes to our'
city very highly recommended.
His jnanner of presenting his
messages will be pleasing.
Remember the date, Aug. 27.
BIBLE SCHOOL NOTES
Although we had on Aug. 13
the smallest attendance since New
Year’s day we were still above
Sea Level. 166 were present at
roll call.
The boys from the Mist C. C. C.
camp were missed. We hope they
are with us next Lord’s day.
The Gleaners class and their
families enjoyed an out door pic­
nic including a bountiful dinner
SUPERIOR MANILA
BINDER
TWINE
8-pound balls, 650 feet per
pound—
fl Aft
PER BALL......... «pl.UU
Bale of 6 balls $5.75
joying on the trip a radio newly
alter church services were over.
installed in their car.
They went to the Shedey place
Mr. and Mrs. R. E. Gardiner,
on the river near Treharne. Ev­
former Vernonia residents, are
ery one had a fine time. If you
spending a few days here visit­
didn’t, you were not there.
Mr. and Mrs. Maurice Saelens ing friends. Mr. Gardiner is em­
Come to Bible school next Sun­
day and learn how pleasant the of Portland were weekend guests ployed in the cannery at Hills­
boro.
of Mr. and Mrs. Claude Knapp.
Lord’s day can be.
Tom Crawford and A. D. Lolley
Mrs. Wm. Hammack has re­
were in Portland Tuesday and
ceived
from
Miss
Nettie
Alley,
Invention of .cothbrueh
Wednesday attending a demon­
Grew Cat of Famous Riot county health nurse, an ack­ stration of repair of the new
nowledgment
of
$5.75
collected
The Invention of the toothbrush
Ford models.
grew out of the famous Gord in riots in Verno.nia for relief of the Kel­
Mrs. Lester Kerns and son Bob­
so
flood
sufferers.
of 1780, according to the Interna
by of Dallas have been guests
tlonal Nickel Company Bulletin.
Mrs. J. T. Kirk left Monday
William Addis, the Inventor, who to visit the Raymond Castleman during the past week at the home
was being sought us an alleged par­ family at Wauna, returning a vis­ of Mr. and Mrs. Harry Kerns.
O. L. Lindsay, who is staying
ticipant in the riots, hid In the home it of Ramona Castleman, who was
with Mrs. A. L. Austin, is serious­
of a leather tanner, where he
a
guest
of
the
Kirks
for
a
week.
amused himself by carving bone, at
ly ill.
Girls’ new school brogues. J.
that time a fashionable art.
The Christian church parsonage
The cleaning of teeth was then C. Penney Co.
Adv. has received a new coat of paint.
a crude operation, the process be­
Mr. and Mrs. J. H. Bush went
Joe Wangler, of the Safeway
ing carried out by a single twig to Portland Monday on business. store, attended a managers’ meet­
which was shaped like a chisel, and
Word has been received from
rubbed over the teeth with an up- Rev. D. R. Kauffman that his op­ ing in. Hillsboro Tuesday.
Mr. and Mrs. Chas. Mackie are
and-down motion. This method is
used even now In the Mohammedan eration took place Saturday morn­ parents of a baby girl, Peggy La
countries where mimosa or quashia ing, and that he is getting along Velle, born Monday.
twigs are habitually employed for nicely. He expects to return to
Daisy MacDonald is spending
Vernonia about next Monday.
this purpose.
her vacation with her sister, Mar­
Addis wanted something better, so
O. Pointer and daughter, Mrs. garet in Portland.
he bored a few holes in a piece of Virgil Drorbaugh, of Portland
Minnie Asplund, a former resi­
bone, cut some hairs from the tail were dinner guests Friday at the dent here, is in town visiting Mrs.
of the nearest cow hide, thrust these home of Mr. and Mrs. F. J.
Jack Bush.
Into the holes and thus became the
Tousley.
maker of the first toothbrush.
K. H. Cliff returned Saturday
Toothbrush handles are generally
made from celluloid, the article says, night after a week at Cannon
and some 20 operations are re­ Beach with his family. Curly
quired to produce the modern prod­ Buffmire drove the stage during
uct The bristles are mainly ob­ his absence.
FOR ALL
tained from Siberian pigs, the most
J. N. Miller, county commis­
OIL-STEAM WAVES
valuable type of bristles being ob­ sioner, was a Vernonia visitor
The Realistic Permanent
tained from wild pigs, whose hair Tuesday.
with Ringlette ends
is both long and stiff.
Mr. and Mrs. W. J. Armitage
went to Newport Sunday, taking
$3.59 Complete
with them Mr. Armitage’s father,
Oldest of British Yews;
Holds Record in Europe B. M. Armitage, who was return­
The oldest of all British yews must ing home much improved in
BEAUTY SHOPPE
surely be the hoary relic that still health after several weeks at his
Ph"ne 431
Bridge St.
flourishes in a much attenuated form son’s home here. Mr. and Mrs.
at Fortingall, In Perthshire. Pen­ Armitage returned Monday, en­
nant, writing in 1772, stated its
girth to be 56 feet; and De Candolle,
writing in the early part of last cen­
WE ARE EQUIPPED TO DO
tury, pronounced It to be the “oldest
authentic specimen of vegetation In
Europe,"and estimated its age at
from twenty-five to thirty centuries.
This tree has gotten beyond the
OF THE VERY BEST ORDER—
stage of mere hollowness, and most
of the outside shell has disappeared,
Including
taking
out of spots. . . Our dry cleaner
only two portions of it, at about op­
posite sides of the tree, remaining.
is a member of the U. S. Dry Cleaners, a na­
These are now so far apart as to
tional organization which admits highly quali­
look like separate trees, with strange
flattened trunks, the Inner portions
fied candidates only.
of which have no bark. These re­
mains grow quite vigorously, and as
the tree Is stheduled as a national
monument, at 1 Is surrounded by a
stone wall, It may exist for further
centuries.—London Times.
permMi
One Price
Annette
Dry Cleaning
VERNONIA LAUNDRY
Buy The NEHALEM WAY
A MEAT
Nehalem Market and Grocery is prepared to solve
your food problems with good values. We feature fine
quality foods priced right . . . Our store is able to
pass to you savings made by group buying . . . Our
store is independent and locally owned.
Specials for Fri. & Sat
Pound ................
BISQUICK and Fresh Peaches, pkg. 33c
Bisquick makes a wonderful peach shortcake.
Beef Rib Boil
MARSHMALLOWS, 16-oz. pkg. ...... 19c
lb.
8c
Campfire. Take a package on your vacation trip.
MINUTE TAPIOCA, 8-oz. pkg. 2 for 25c
ALL STEAKS
SALAD AID, 16-oz. pint jar.............. 17c
Durkee’s Certified. Makes delightful sand­
HAMBURGER AND
SAUSAGE
OKp
Pound ................
A seasonable dessert. Easily prepared.
wiches and a wonderful spread.
2 Pounds ...............
GRAPENUTS, Pkg.............................. 16c
The favorite breakfast food of millions.
20c
farijv
GROUND VEAL
HIRE’S Root Beer Extract, bottle .... 24c
2 Pounds ..................... ¿JtzV
A bottle makes 5 gallons delightful beverage.
DOG FOOD, 3 cans for.................
Victory—a splendid, well balanced food.
26c
Produce
SPECIAL OFFER
Peet’s Crystal White Granulated Soap
69-ounces for 25c. Makes washing clothes and dishes
easier. Buy 2 packages and
get one free ........................................................... AStrV
WAX PAPER, Roll...................
SALT, Iodized, 26-ounce pkg.
FUEL
PROMPT
SALMON------ No. 1 Tall can ..
Made instantly in the cup. Large size.
Tailored to fit the recipe. H-lb. cake.
300 size—Doz........
8c
LESLIE’S.
INSTANT POSTUM, Pkg..........
Lemons
8c
Diamond Brand. 40 foot roll.
BAKER’S Premium Chocolate
DELIVERY
BEEF ROAST
Cantaloupes each
39c
cFW
5c
Green Peppers 2 tor 15c
23c
Otter Brand. Very finest Alaska red.
DRY ONIONS
19c
4 Pounds
10c
PICKLING SPICE, Pkge........................ gc
Whole H-D. Your choice—pickling, cinnamon,
cloves, bay leaves, mustard, allspice, black pepper, etc.
PICKLES, Whole Sweet. Pint jar..... ¡9C
California Home. Just right for the picnic basket.
Vernonia
Trading Co.
We Deliver — Phone 681
▼
Nehalem
Market and
Grocery, Inc.