X
LIVuS BY HER WIT3.
Only Iti Sinn ol Humor S.wod Thli
Hon'Prom Utcr.iiljllon,
"or "Hint' tltno. wrlu "Hiiliurlmtilti'" i
HAD A PERFECT ALIBI.
Ami Plonty of Witnoaaa Otootl lUndy
la Tttllly to It.
A lnwwir In I'oiliunil. Oh', whh it-
in tln lllinimw .W'Vh. niir or my lu'ii 1 ,u.,., , ,,.f,., ii ciiiimiiiiiii iiifiiHfd
I..IH i,vii Jwlulnliu IIm'IMii u praulliv , , ,, ,
,r:Hr,: tar,; r -n m r;; r:r;
h ..,. or .. .v.t (.r ,.miii ,.Ku "'"i"1 ' '" ,,ml
vi.tm. or ..''ii. rntltcr. for It run nmioM ...iui iih I (lie Iunvjit Hint
lutnltulm: iii.vluinl-tii I romdilumlily , I'rUttii'f wit Ii (: tint tit lltf
t!l or nrtlt'r. lie ItoM uvi'riiKi'
I
tii-lint
it out urn' In the rM uilulil Vt i until
ii M'iitl.v tlmt lion wiim Hclictliili'il on my
ui the 1'iiunli'i' Iii.mt. 'I'liul Imp
jmii il In tltU wtt.v:
1:mi, itioitilm: when I nimbi iii.v up-pi-r
unco In tlio Kunlon Norn t tit lirtn
tlino of tin t'llnio liu Innl Ix't'ii tnlli'M
nwii.v in ii mllinml nini Loit'i' 1 1 icy
wont to I lie lull to liiMo ii tnlk with
, tin iirlnint'i'
Tho olllclul Inlcrptctcr liclil n loin:
i-oiivorHiitliiii. tlio liiw.vt-r ulvluu lilni
tlio unt'-'llotH It hcciiicI nil Htmlulit
.,,, I I,.. fm..l clncl:lni! Iii-mIiLi mm .if .UH.I U'Utlltir Tlio IllloriH clot" lll"llcil
tlio oirir ltlt nil tlio Toteo or Ii run. j tlmt Uio primmer liml u porfoi I iiilM
IMIH llll'OUt. W"H M,m' WOtlkH Ill'fOI't.' tllO OHM'
ir .iitv of In mIhIoik lulil olnlni to tlio ,illc.l, nrnl -liorlly Hofoi.' tlmt
iroiorA tlioio would bo it wild Jltitler. tlino tlio l.twyir witnt.-il nnotlior talk
n.ol tlio I'.vliici.uw Innl wonlil contluui with tlio no. iir.o.1 limn Tlio iill. iil In
hoi iMMMlnu" wlion aim Innl olsr.-l lit-ri toiproior liml illmtiipe.tiiil. iiimI hh ho
hill of h'uthont, 1 ociii.il for III Intoriirotor till tlino n
Some tlino mm I itlacovercd hor In Clilimumn who Innl h.-on III cook nml
tlio net or tiiUltiu up her ttiiml over tho j who titlUM fairly m"l l.itKllali. Thov
imiliu-tloii or nnotlior lion, nml n tun- ' "' I'" J""
mi ..i..i. ih n..f .IUcI.i.mI her true ,'T"ti hi"' " ho liintructisl tho Inter ;
cnpiitiltttW. A wi-iim- ot liumor I" mi piot. r H i villi him to rohito to
Oonl.to.ll.v ouo of Ihom uil thU I- In- " "', olrctiiii'.iiim'.', nil
Itttf ronnlnl u" n niivluu urn. o. Mr I ho M . "n OtU. tho whole truth
tinve ilechto'l to nllow Her to contlllii ''! piirleiilur! where ho wim tlmt
It viim l tier wlt.
PERSIA'S POET LAUREATE.
Hit Job. When Mb Hail On. W
Anything hot n Sinecure.
IVrln It the only country Im"IiIo
l.'uirl.nnl whore u pot InnriMto Iiuh
licen oitlclully umliitiiliicil until io
ce'itl.v Slmh .MuMiitTer ol Din In 1MM ull
Ic'imI the Hwt of Ipmcir. which the
omit ot Teheniii for oeiiiurlo hml
iilrr lit 1
The two 'IiIiih-o JnliN-re.! touetherll
f.,r rl f .iilm.ti. Tin. ii llui llll.ir. 'I
preter tur'ie.1 i milil, "lie uv lifter
In wtitxii tho limn ho Inn down .MollNoii
Ntleot tin' lliiHiv ilttul In Mctiulro'H
lUh vnnl "
"Hold on:" yelled the lawyer. "Tlmt
enn't he true Ah him iiKiiln .o
I eonlliiK lo tlio iithcr ilory ho irnn tit 1
nwny and illilu't "Iiihii the nmti at all."
There ivnt ntiot'ier hum converMittlon
ietwe'ii th Inlerpn'ter anil the rlon-
or. 'Ilten the Interpreter oiltl: "Oh
Ih..i -r.-. I Hut tho .tilth" of tho hiurcile lev lt. i...i the niitn lie ay he Nlin.it
of old ft mi were fur more onoroti
thin tlnwo of hl ltrltlh enitfrfre
.iit ctlipictte doinaudi-d that when
eer lilt' "kill of klnilM" trutohnt til
eutoiiraso hail to Inclinlc n tlt.tf.
Knn(. a J"tt r. a hUiorloKtitplior ami a
poet laureate.
The tatt two were kept huy. for.
while the hNtorlnisniihor hml t" reenr.1
for i'etcrlt.v all the dotuux nml miyliieh
of the -Imli tpatll-Mltaln. (ho lanri'itte
w s c.iiletl iihiii to celehntte a lartie
pr"K'ftlon of tlnie In vofKo. Till on
torn uan nut hi hml after all. utnl It
wen rltsldly olwoneil and followed up
for the 'hah. kti'iwlin; that many of
hi- ihi'tl ami uttoraiioen would t
!' stjiiiieii into tut mlc. on hl Imperial
w niderltitf felt hound to ipeali and to
heti.ive in.iji'ith ully. a thtiiK that .Mux
zn'ler el Dill, who ulxillKllod tile (Mil
re.it'--it. never did. - I'lilhitMplilu
I..iUer.
Iiltn .in' inn lii n Miilll ! Ktleet mi
I'll." oUfot Into McfStlln-'i t1h vnnl " j
'Hut.'' IioIHihI the lawyer. "I wan 1
(old he wiik nut In tho cltv m nil tlmt
tttirht. hut uillo-i it nit v In a nillrond I
on nip
Tho Inturpreter nnlle.1 hlntutly. "Oh.
hw." he nHHeltteil eheerf llllv. "he hno
tilinty wltuen'tiw to it.it that."- Sutiir
tiny IJvenitiic I'oit.
OF A MORO UMPIRE.
An Uncomplimentary Compoter.
A inline tenor, whoce mlaforttllte It
w. to ho hhleoiwiy utrly, wiilted on
Chci'iil i'ii into day and nhcil to Ik hI
lov ed to jtlve i peetliieli of IiIh Vimtl
puvrx I'or a wumler hit. application
wu- ttiet tiy a .niik.t nml of iicmcIc-
ceiice lie miltp, ami xn'iK niperl.l
There mine iiniun.T oih, ih'im'IiiiiiiiiIiiI
in K'liiit'tltlnu itwe a nii.rt of Hatlnfai
tli'tt I'licli .nun' .'i pitii-c. n lili'h. afti'i
a mhiti:e or u, truK litus.cu nr lltr
.V'ti.t1 fi i ; nrtlHt mmKIiik In fulterltii; nr
it whether ho iiila'if ovenluiill,'
hope for mi euimui'tueiii ui the u'niiul
opem "No!' thundered the dliector
"Hut. M. '-tartihlnr No:-' The iIIk
coii-ul:iie urtlft wa lowlv ileiinrtlnu
viheii t 'hei'tihtiil roo. tooK him ly imth
nrmi and loured him fully In tho face
"I inn iiirry.' ho wihl. "very Mirry. hut
mi. a cher. do you think that tho opera
co ml ui't up a company of orauu on
t:itr-s lu sitiK with yoilV" -Sahi" "Mr.
nti'l Aitvt'iitnrt'ri."
Worth tho Penalty.
John, four yi.iu old. vnn trylin: to
run the in w ii miiwcr, which ho hml
liccll fullilililcn to touch,
lllx mother iiiini' to (he door nml
toul nun to flop It. hut .luliii nm tho
niuwer down the rip of Inwn nml
Inn k auilln liefure he xtupped.
'inn will lmo o cuiiio Into the
Iiu'ihc nml Hi.iy fur mi hour." aald IiIn
ini'ther.
Whv did you run that mower after
I told you to Hiop'" she anled
"Well, manimii." mtJd .lohn. "I'd
rather have run It twice ami have to
Ktn.Y In the Iioiiho for an hour than not
run It at nil. "--National Monthly.
Political Oirdi.
Wife (icikIIiik'i Ihu'i lliln funny, my
flour? Ilcic h an article which xuyH
they have round a now Kpoclua of hlrdt
In AiiKlnillu which liavo four Icn.
Now, whatever do you mippoHc they
want four Iouh for?
lltjNhiind (yinvnliiKi They are proh
ably polltlclaim, my lovo, and hy thin
lieaiitirul coutrlvaitco thoy arc ouahlod
to itaml oil hotll Hlilea or tlio ft'licu lit
tho Kiuiic t line-l.oiiihiii .Mall.
fy -
Not Liko Hit Grandfather.
"Doctor. I'm Kt'ltliiK tlrud or IIiIh
evcrluHtlnt; diiiinliiK. You oiiKht to
have more ruapuct for mo than that.
My Krandratlioi' wu ouo or thu oarllest
mrttlerM."
"Well, I wlih you had Inherited that
quality and would xettlu early." I'hlla.
dalphlu Ledi;ur.
Atrial Nott.
(The Oynlo-Jf ho falla, tny .dear,
jrou'ro not to Hcrimin or fnlnt, hocausu
It's Jtiat what wn all entne to nco. Tho
Ludy-Hut I thouKht ho wan Kolng to
tlo up a imMHenuur.Llfe.
Hydt Ptrk't Marblt'Arch.
(The mnrble arch of tlio north ftldo of
Hyde park, London, duxignud orlBliial
ly by King OoorKO IV. to 4ju an en
trance to HuckliiHham palace'; coHt fO..
000.
tint lit p
Morrl. Mj;
iiii. .!( !F;
WIT
H Had Learned Our Lenntinno Taet
nml Knew How to Ute It. ! jj,
Captain John i: Morrl of tho Sixth
Infantry wait ut one time, muiio otir
nuo. .otatloiml with lilt enmpttm lit
Willie lll!trci.ltic Muro town
tlmlir-hl liml If tin. Mnrim nf til
trlct r'liulil Im-fint. IntertrnfiHl In ..imu 1m
pordns ultiiit "illitc of head lututtt
the rnl'wl SIuIch liiinnni'V coiitpanh'
Uiori'i liy tahlim could roadlly he reHil
Jttxlcd no far ii wihller were concern lb
iMl. mi Ito em imnircd hi men to Iiik-'i
tho Ioro lamohnll When a uinii
plnylmr haM'tuill ho Ih iii i-hopfititu "
liciiiln. innl Captain MfirrU iipiin-cliitc.:
till fact
'IVo haielNtll teaini were orKrtnllted
a .Mom team and n foam from Mnrrl."
rrtiiitmti. ami one ditv the llrt trailio "f
the orlo wa tu lie ptilhil off Ti
'inotluii of the umpire wan tho jjroat
one of the moment, and ufior mm a
illMCMIc'lun it native Morn wn nele led
to pain iipuii tho line MlniH or (lie
uanie.
In I'Tllplun "umpire" H pniperly ox
proved it- "tnakiriila," and when Cap
tu I tt Morrlx arrived on tho nceno of tlie
propncd hull kiiiiio the Morn who win
to he lllapll.' nppl'iUtl'heit llllll
".MnUlfilla. mo." retuarkisl (ho Morn
Captain Moril?. limited at tho native
umpire without In the IIuIiIom under
Ht.tmllmc u inii lie uuh drlvlm: tit. "I'm
i lad yon ate a 'niakirula.' " he reinarli
oil. "hut pletiHo Inform me what the
iviird uieaiH "
'.M-itiM uiaklfula of Amorlcnn"." ro
piled the Moru ".Mo learn Allterlcail
iniuiiMuc tiiHt." -San l"niiicHco Chrou
Icle.,
Cnuntina n Hnrrlitg Cnteh.
Tito fuel (hut the record eiitcll nl
herrlmiH wiih .T.'O itiiiim proof pni
die that lltey were captured on the
eii.t ennui of Hiitlund. On tho went of
Scotland Inn lilt'- are coiluled, imt
(iiciiKti r.-il "ntii7o" of horrlnpM In
live luiiu iiiimlrcdx. and a liuiu' lititi
drcd l I'.'.'l At Varmmith tlinl OrluiH.
ny iheA are counted h.v (ho "warn."
ivhlch Im four, ami ihlrty-threo of these
.Hike u iouk humlrctl, Ten hundreds
mike a "thousand'' ami ten "thou-
and" a "hint " Therefore, when In a
hundred not a hundred? -Uindoit
stamlurd
Pleat For Pntriotltm.
'You hIioiiIiI ho patriotic and contrlh
ute your valuahlo Morvlces to your
country without iIiuiikIii of pocunlary
rc'wurd,
'I will." replied the olllclul, "juat at
noon mm u whole lot of people Kot pa
trintlc oiioiiuh to unit M'tidlnjt tholr
hllln to mo." WiiHhliiKion Suir.
Mutual Concettlont.
"IIIIrxIiin and his wlfo hcoiu to ! on
tho tient of terina,"
Yes. Thoy uuiko mutual concea-
slmiH. Uf HtamlN on the corner and
MhoutK 'Vntos for womou.' while till-
heeiH I'vory time the homo team
Hconw ii nin."- Wimhlnuton 8tar.
Dettnt Work Both Wyt.
"I told him be reaemliled hi with,
ii ml he Hctinied very iiitp'h llnttored."
Ueo! I told IiIh wife nhe reHemblo'i
him, and hIio won't m pen It to sno." '
HoiiHtou Putt. 4
t
Ont Way. I
Willie I'aw, how can you niPiiKuri
ilio ttlirht of tliue'4 Puw -Morrow
on a uiH-ii nay nine. m sou I'm
'mill rJiiipiiivi
The Best
In
The West
; TALK NUMBER TWO
SELECTIONS NOW FOR HOME
BUILDING
The lUifm
The Ef
ARE YOU A HOME OWNER OR ARE YOU A HOME RENTER?
WHICH CLASS DO YOU BELONG TO?
uri ii t r t ii ft l I . , i IJIM Di t'AA lbr. -fM
wnv not iiwn tout nomc n i imuoK anu ntziu dwiiu uic luwii ar
, j - 1 -af.
Look at the following lines, What line do you represent?
(I'Voiii the Twelfth United StntcH Census, Vol II, I. XCVII, 11)00
There was under the above report: lfi,00.4.7 orVhoines in thtl
United States. The general standing of these nomes as to owner-l
ship was as follows:
2,180,229 of Homes Mortgaged
4,739,91 of Homes Owned Free
8,246,747 of Hemes Rented
WHY KEEP PAYING: TRIBUTE TO THE LANDLORD?
WHY NOT MAKE A START TODAY TO OWN YOUR OWN HOME?
Lit us il,.M- cni tuilay on a Gmtimt Lo n CHUK'i: H(JMI LOT in i-i'lur ICIN(i or CiOniSj-:i-:i A A
tlitiou. Mai e n start mid i t nw.iv from the ftiht million )l n ntir in the l uiu-il Stati .
Terms are Easy Prices 'at Reasonable The Values There
U very eliolee WwtiWp np it). wlj.-u . il 'Vitlhn 1'utl" Hrl u liii.l.r- ' I'Jny (;r n in jut S lilorkj from lU
livery lot liitu II Tm1 tlttcwnll. Nm in w Ktnitf Uto Urn I ml In tM Uirt tl.tt jrar. Why r.ot oum, thoNtut?
U vory rfitiiru IJwUIlit proiwrty, lit fact tber.-. In tsaiu lnnr n TlllnmiHiV City. Thin now iilrttlliiir, l In Uml tract of laixl pi tlw ft
STUIillT Ui "Utvcrt Ijiiiu" nit of wburlt lij North of tin County ilrwil nml Tlititl Stuot. Kvory lot offcm) Jul rniniot h , th
City ut tho pntviiiltiin (irfrit unl tttrnt.
'IK
the
V Imvtt n mimlrf I'marwUvo l-ujrii In tM jti iity.
to jjlvu Vjii further ififurinalion U vrlrmnnil Uiti.t.
Ur.ti't tltfUj In mt.kli.it your ncdecilfMui mrly. Crtini to thi otlio ami u.- wV.". i i,
A stiiMii deposit will secure your it reservntion. Loutract.s or Deel will be made for von Fe!rn.-u v Jnd
IDKl. Don'L watt, look niter your choice of lou before the Choice are lioiu; forever.
Free, Absolutely Without Cost, Your ioney is Second Consideration.
To every lot piuvha.scr. either in Kin,' or Oooipeeils Additions, who lake contracts or deed, the Architect
Air.j. f. Mr.tnalian et)nueete.l with tliisoiiicv, willgdraw yon your plans nml specifications lor a li..mc
ii you wish to I mi i ll ; 1 1 test- piansjmil specifications to he o vour own idea and choosinir ffrotn the in. nv
naimsonie plans tnai lie lias lor your eouMtleratmn. 1 Ins opporuimty is'olieivtl to every and all purebasersr
rutii . mm. tint i a i t iiii. i. iii- i.i .i... .. ........:..i ..... .i .1 1 .. . . . ... 1
nniiin.ni.il . i ieeiui iiiitueeiiieu t 10 unose desiring to Diuiii and this sers
vice alone is worth a reat deal lor which we absolutely make no charge, it is free.
ALL LOTS PRICED. TERMS: 10 per cent cash. Installments: 10:00 per month?
ROLLIE W. WATSON,
Tillamook's Leading
Sub-Division Agent.
Oftice in Todd Hotel, Ground Floor, Eoth PI ones, Open Every Dzy and Evenings Until 10:00 O'clock
fcFlrcJJlnsurcnce In Cor.llrcratlcnProcf Corr panic. Euildineand Mortrae Loens on City Property.
Rental!; and Collections. Tcxes paid for Non-Rcsidt nts.
RUN-DOWH WOMEN
Hroverl It Wn Simpl. 1
lit a roKlNtnifloii ImiiiIIi In Sim I'riin. I
tMm'tl lilt lllil fnlnl'.iil 1.1-1 .iii.i 1 1 liml I t i v 1
iliilNii.'ii n-KlHtitriiiK fur tlit-Hit iluif. "Plwl Health in n Simple Tonic
.in .von Miiori', -Hiti! tiHKfti tint I'li-iK. now many women lo you know
"tint I'm iluiio nil I hits lit dnY" who nn itorfoclly woll, Btninj? nml
"Qullw Miitt-." ifilleil tln ulorlc; "you lioaltliy n n woman pIioiiIiI IioT Thoy
"fit. Ii'm vmy uliiipli'." tnny not Ih Hlnk onoiiKh to llo In Imtl
"I'm onulit in loioweil It." until tlio but thoy nm run-down, thin, Burr
tld woiiiitn. "f iIh,hi. fuol men folljH ' oiiii, tlrod nml (Idvltullr.oJ.
Women an no nctlro nowndnys,
lit't'ii iltiln' it nil yotiiH 1 iiilulit 'n'
liimwt-il It wiim ti ititwurfiil !miil" troc
l-NM."-Mfl'.
Her Plafjuetl Htm.
Tint cittclmi uux IiiivIiik iiii iiiiiinont
V.'lt It ll() lllllll't',
"Til tlx .von on .vim won't ho tin
ilctitlc nny IniiKnr!" lliritiitoiiiMl tint inn
ilrtt. IickIiiiiIiik to lime IiIk titiiitir.
"Wlmt tlo you nu'iiii Ity 1 won't Im
nit I'iilili'iiili' nny IniiKor?" iifWcil Urn
cnlclior. '
"I'll Huiiil you lo tint lionrli," irturn
oil tho umplro. "innl lliou you won 1m
KtclilnV'-l'lttHliurK I'ri'HH.
Welcomed,
"I'll Imvo to nrrtMt you," mild iln.
)l)llc-(!llllll,
Tho uinii -who wiim IiiivIiik tronlilt
wltli IiIh wldt throw lidtlt uruiH itrotinil
ltii olllcor nml oxuliilmod;
"TIiIh Isn't nny iutuhI. Thin Ih a ren.
t!iii."-.WiiHhluKlon Slur.
' A Fnllura.
I''li'Ht Kmnll Urty'lii your nlHtor nny
wion ur imiyinir nnii? Mecoml Smull
o.v-Nmw. Hhf nui'l throw" nny thin
'jut n III or catch Anything hut u Iwnu.
Ni'tr Vork Tlmt'H,
hi lont'iliiM moro tliiin Im If of th
''ttt In r (i world.
nnd no much In oxpoetoil of thorn,
tlmt thoy coimtiuitly ornrdo nnd Hiif
for from hondnrho, liaultacho, nurrotm.
iichh nnd klndrod llltt.
Ruch womon nood Vino!, our doll,
cloim cod Ilvor nnd Iron tonlo with,
out oil which will crnnto nn nppotlto,
tono up tho dlRoiitlvo orjcntiH, muko
puro Mood nnd cronto ntroiiKth.
Mm. Wnltor Prlco, Dlloxl, MIbh.,
iinya: "I vrnu In n run-down condition
for montllH. I liml Inlinn nnvnrnl mmll. I
clncn but thoy Bopmod to do mo no
f'ood. Fltmlly Vlnol wnn rocommond.
od, und from tho llmt hottlo I boiran
to ImproTo until I am utroiiK and woll i
an OTor."
Try a liottlo of Vlnol with tho rov
deretandlnB that your money will bo
roturnnd If It tlooa not holp you.
P. 8.For plraploB and Wotohon trjn
our Baxo Salro. "Vo guu-autoo It
(ihus. 1. CIoukIi, DriiKKlHt.
r- i .-..v i-.t. .t,n
Oil T
Hcuchni tlio Mmi
Kt0it iwlu Intlmilly,
Tlio (Iri'al I'Ha Km
w. I'm tin lii mini i
wl"irrcl.tliiufklu .
Lumbago-Sciatica
Sprains
"The direction nej-s, Uj poivl for
lumbago too, Sloon cured my
rhcumatWm, l'vo n-d It nml I
know." Do you uto Sloan'?
HriV. Proof.
"I hml my tiaclc hurt In (ltd narr Wm
ml u ycini no t .g hit bi- tir I
mr, I Uhti nil Unit of (Ki nllltout
HjtcrcM, I mxr your l.iinmcnt In n iltrn.
lore anil it r Imttlo lo try. lit.' rltt
appllcallnti mni In.Unt relief, itnd now
"'in1.1 r.'ir '. lltMo tliriir. I nut nliuMt
well. WfehhrAwrMua, .-iiiJ.r, Caty.
IntUnt RUf from ScUtlra
" I ven knit In tx-il III) solution lrtrc
tlio llr.t r I'vbrimry, tmt I lui.t ulmoil lit'
titttt relief when t trll yeur Uuluicut,"
Sprtatl Aokl
.. f ".Siyo,l, Wnlment for tho hut 15 ycar. Icon y It Uonoof tho lwt on
tlio nwrkct. Ifjfiron yonnt two I npiulmxl my attklo ami hnit to o crutcltc. and
tho tlnolori aalit I woulil I alwit) Im Initio. A I rleiul mlvl.c.l me tu try yuttr I Jniincnt
nnit afli r inliitf It nlitlit aint iiioniliiif for tltreo niontln t roulil walk without a rune
"'.'.'l.'VV !". ""1ll it nny of the ntlicr ttioint) lit iny (lepartrnont., I Imvo nom bven
wltttuut tt Unwfclltcc hat Uuic" Mr. M Uliumil. Btumt, CtiuiH liUf, 'if. r.
SLOAN S (
IiiiiiiwiiT
SubHi'illx. for tlio He V
twlen it yo ',(.
It coin
A,t .
Sloan' Intri4tlvb'Jtock
it
I l.v
-Uh lultry, anil ht, toat freo.
'.OAM, '-r., B05TOM, MASS.