TILLAMOOK HEADLIGHT,
MAY 27. 1920
—
Coaxing You to Smile
Husbands
Visitor—And how is your newly
married daughter?
Mrs. Brown—Oh, she’s nicely,
thank you. She finds her husband a
bit dull; but then, as I tells her, the
good ’uns are dull.
Up to Date if Nothing Else
I
Fortune had dawned for him at
last; he was rich. With tears of joy
in his eyes he rushed to the wife of
his bosom and told her the news.
“We will move to a better house,”
he finished; “you, my dear, will be
able to have some decent clothes at 1
last.”
“I’ll do nothing of the sort!" re
torted the lady sharply, "I’ll get the
same kind that other women are
wearing!”
Our Service Is
Not Measured by the
Size of Your Bank
Balance
All our customers receive the
same quality of service. Do uot
hesitate to bring your financial
troubles to us, even though
your account is a moderate one.
The High Cost of Language
“Hey Bil!”
“What is it?”
"Your doctor’s out here with a flat
tire.”
“Diagnose the case as fiatuency of
the perimeter, and charge him ac
cordingly,” ordered the garage man.
"That’s the way he does biz.”
ft
Bank Your Milk Checks
With the
TILLAMOOK
COUNTY BANK
His Only Fear.
£
Member Federal Reserve
System.
“Have you ever thought of going
on a strike?”
"Never,,’ replied Senator Sorghum,
“The only thing I have ever feared
in connection with my job is a lock
out.”
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Fool Proof
"Henry, an agent came to the
house this morning with a new brand
of can-opener to sell.”
“Well?”
“He said it was fool-proof.”
“Ah! That’s pretty good. Any I
brainless woman cau use it, eh?”
>
"Perhaps. But the point he made
was that husbands who open cans
for their wives can do so without
cutting their fingers, spoiling the
oilcloth on the kitchen table, spatt
ering the walls with gore and shock
ing the neighbors with profanity."
Wanted
CHITTUM BARK
Pecuniary Problems
"Are you going to take any board
ers this summer?"
“No," replied Farmer Corntossel.
Everything the bonders eat goes up
in value so much that we feel we
could have done better if we had let
’em stay in town and pay the market
prices.”
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The Woman Juror
I
We Pay Highest Cas Prices.
See us before selling
I
"Madam, why can’t you serve on
this jury?”
“Why, Judge, I have a bridge en
gagement this afternoon.”
And she said it so postively that
the Judge subsided.
ft
Our Motto
A Square Deal to All
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Just a Step
Goodyear Service Station for Tillamook City is at the
"Tls but a step from the sublime
to the ridiculous."
"Yes, that's just the distance be
tween the minuet and one of these
outlandish new trots.”
------ o------
He was in Doubt
TIRES, TUBES AND ASSESORIES,
We Give Goodyear Service
PANKOW, Proprietor
Jenkins was sitting down to break
fast one morning, when he was as
tounded to see in the paper an an
nouncement of his own death. He
rang up friend Smith at once. "Hall
oa, Smith!” he said. "Have you seen
the announcement of my death in Í
paper?” “Yes, replied Smith. “Where
are you speaking from?”
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I MILK COWS FOR
Not Yet Hardened
Electrical Engineer a Visitor.
No premiums with
Camels—all quality!
& DOMESTIC
BLEND
cioasi tti
•
AMELS quality plus Camels ex
pert blend of choice Turkish and
choice Domestic tobaccos pass out the
most wonderful cigarette smoke you
ever drew into your mouth!
And, the way to prove that
statement is to compare Camels
puff-by-puff with any cigarette in
the world 1
Camels have a mild mellowness that
is as new to you as it is delightful.
Yet, that desirable “body” is all there!
They are always refreshing—they
never tire your taste.
Camels leave no unpleasant cigaretty
aftertaste nor unpleasant cigaretty odor!
Your say-so about Camels will be:
“My, but that’s a great cigarette
Camels are sold everywhere in scientifically sealed
packages of 20 cigarettes fi>r 20 cents; or ten pack
ages 1 200 cigarettes) Ina glassine papercoveted car-
We strongly recommend this carton for the
home or office supply or when you tra
R. J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO.
Wintfon-Salem. N. G
M. Vestal, an electrical engineer
from San Francisco was In Tillamook
last week. He said he had been in
Oregon about two weeks and had
heard that Tillamook was such an
interesting place, and that it was
such a beautiful trip over the mount
ains that he decided to come over
and see for himself. He says that his
expectations were more than fulfill
ed, and that he found hunting and
fishing great.
Mr. Vestal talked very interesting
ly of his trip throughout the West
ern states, and told some very inter
esting things about Arizona, In
particular. He Baid that there had
been five inches of rain there this
year, which was the heaviest rain
fall in fifteen years, the average be
ing from two to three inches. Flow
ers have sprung up all over the des
ert, conforming in into a veritable
garden of Eden. It seems rather
strange that those seeds would germ
inate, after having lain dormant for
fifteen years, but there had not been
sufficient rainfall for them to grow
again since that time. He said that
he and his companions had found a
species of the orchid, or a sort of
pitcher plant that lures Insects by
means of Its fragrance and then
coates the victim with a. sort of
sticky substance which makes escape !
impossible. The plant then consumes
the Insect as food. They found a
live bee in one of these plants, and
liberated it. After they had return
ed to California they were talking to
. a professor in the California Univer
sity about it, who said that he would
have given them one hundred dollars
for the specimen, as he had been try
ing for the last twenty years to find
Just such a case where the Insect was
still alive, as he wished to find out
whether the fluid secreted by the
plant really stupified the insect, or
whether the tenacles of the plant
prevented its escape. This would be
a good way for naturalists to get
rich, to hunt for Jive bees in that
particular plant in Arizona.
Just think what is going to happen
to the d. o. p. when all the energy
Republicans have been dividing in
the presidential nominating cam
paign |g turned full force on the
common enemy!
"Will you allow me to step into
your office a monent?” said the man
who was buying gasoline at a service I
I
station.
"Why, certainly,” replied the gas
oline merchant. “You look upset.
Anything wrong?”
"Not particularly, I noticed my
grocer coming down the street. I’m
three months behind with my bill
and I lack the gall of some people. 1 I
can’t snap my fingers at m7 grocer
and go right on Indulging in a lux
ury I can’t afford.”
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$
SALE or EXCHANGE
for Dry Stock.
YAGER & BRADY
i
flbEX. M c NAIR & co
Not So Careful Now
Red—You know men change as
the years go by.
Greene—What now?
"Why I remember the time when
Black wouldn’t kill a flea.”
"Now he’s gone and bought an
automobile.”
The Only Safe Place
"Why,” asked a Missouri paper,
"does Missouri Btand at the head in
raising mules?"
“Because,” answers another paper,
“that is the only safe place to stand.”
Senator Henry Cabot Lodge has
read In the Senate press dispatch
from Paris concerning the interallied
financial conference which has been
called by the league of nations to
meet in Brussels at the end of May.
In commenting upon It, he stated:
“It is admitted by both the English
and the French authorities that there
is going to be an effort to so amend
the league, if it needs amendment,to
form a combination for taking care
of the war debts by a pool. They fail
ed to do it in the treaty. They are
now going to make another effort.
We shall be brought face to face with
it. Of course, not being in the league,
we shall not be rendered Hable un
less we voluntarily join in a treaty
to pool all debts. It is to my mind
a very great danger to the whole
American people. If ve should he
drawn into such a treaty ll would
mean a Burden of taxation which it
would ht difficult to ealicvt'e.
The paper money of the world has
increased since the war began from
seven billions to fifty-one billions ex
clusive of the bolshevlst currency,
which aggregates thirty-four hill
ions. Now is the time for Cot Byran
m rise up and point with pride .
GENERAL HARDWARE
Kitehen Ranges and
Heating Stoves.
THE BEST STOCK OF HARDWARE IN
THE COUNTY.
See Us for Prices Before Ordering Elsewhere.
The Point that Strike» Toa
about this Stradivara Talking Ma
chine la its equlslte tone and elegant
appearance. Some phonographs have
tone without artistic finish; others
are gems of the cabinet-maker's art,
but lack musical sweetness. Ours Is a
happy combination of both. Hear
your favorite record on this beauti
ful talking machine.
E. E. KOCH,
Tillamook Drug Company
Tillamook ... Oregon.
i2S2S252SZ52SZ5cí
STAR GARAGE
C. F
COAST HIDE & JUNK CO
LAMB-SCHRADER CO