TILLAMOOK HEADLIGHT, SEPTEMBER 25, 1919.
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COAXING YOU TO SMILE.
LAMB-SCHRADER CO. |
Where Jackasses Belong.
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A funny one occurred at Fifth and
Spring the other evening. A little
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL
old lady was wailing patiently for a
Sixtu Street ear, but it chanced to be
just at that hour when many were I
going out of service.
When the first one came along, she ■
__________________
H stepped into the street but the car i
growled past without even slowing I
down. The next one did, however, but I
WAREHOUSE AND OFFICE—
the conductor leaning over the rail, j
COR. FRONT AND3 ki > AVE. WEST, TILLAMOOK, OR.
n]
ru bawled out, ’ going to the barn.”
Twice this happened and the little '
old lady, who had first had accepted ;
the "going to the barn" with resigna- .
lion, had reached the boning poL.t ■
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when lor a fourth time a car slopped
and the conductor yanking the bell,
chortled "going to the barn."
"Well, go to the barn, yuh darn
jackass, it’s just where you belong, ’
yelled the indignant one, brandish­
ing her umbrella.
CEMENT LIME, PLASTER, LATH AND
BRICK; DOMESTIC STEAM AND
__________ SMITHING COAL.
g
§
'I
Dr. E. L. Glaisyer,
|
VETERINARIAN,
| County Dairy Herd Inspector |
BELL PHONE. MAIN 3
MUTUAL PHONE
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I
City Vulcanizing and Tire Shop.
Expert Tire Service.
Vulcanizing and Retreading.
■o
Emptier than his Title.
It is told that one day shortly be­
fore the armistice, a tired, hungry
looking young man turned up at the
British camp and asked if he might
have something to eat.
“Certainly, ' said the officer, not­
ing the khaki suit. "But may 1 ask
who you are?”
A weary smile stole over the young
fellow’s tace as he replied, "Oh, I’m
the Prince of Wales—but for heav­
en’s sake forget it.”
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E
Conflicting’ Attitudes
“You want to manage the busi-
’ ness?” asked the employer.
"I do,” answered the employe.
"Well, 1 don’t understand it at all. '
A little while ago you were demand­
ß ing eight hours' work and the assur­
§ ance of good compensation. Now you
_
1 n I want to shoulder responsibilities that
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■ will keep you worried at least eigh-
All Work Guaranteed.
| teen hours a day, besides taking a
Let Me Keep You Out of Trouble. I cany a Stock of 111 Goodrich
I"
1 chance on going broke if the markets
Tires, Tubes and Tire Accessories.
I happen to slip the wrong way.”
Your Patronage Solicited.
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BE A LEADER
J. C. HOLDEN, 2nd STREET, OPPOSITE O.P., TILLAMOOK.
•■/f wue and great leader lifts An whole community and may lift an entire nanon
—E ly
An immense problem in reconstruction confronts the present generation.
Are you doing your utmost to prepare to lead in its solution?
Oregon Agricultural College
Train, for leaderihip in the induatriea and profeuiona as foiloars
HOME ECONOMICS. AGRICULTURE. COMMERCE. FORESTRY. PHARMACY. MUSIC.
VOCATIONAL EDUCATION. CIVIL ENGINEERING. ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING.
MECHANICAL ENGINEERING. CHEMICAL ENGINEERING. INDUSTRIAL ARTS.
MINING ENGINEERING. LOGGING ENGINEERING. MILITARY SCIENCE.
The College training includes courses in English. Economics. Art. Mathematics. Modern Languages,
Physical Education. Industrial Journalism, Natural Sciences, and all essentials of an education.
Three regular terms—Fall term begins September 22, 1919
:ollegt Catalog. lUuttrated Booklet and other information addreaa
THB REGISTRAR, Oregon Agricultural College. Corvallia
•ays the Good Judge
Men who know tobacco*
chew the best without its
costing them any more.
They take a little chew and
it’s amazing how the good
taste stays in a rich, high
grade chewing tobacco.
For lasting tobacco satis­
faction, there’s nothing
like a small chew of that
rich-tasting tobacco.
THE REAL TOBACCO CHEW
put up in two styles
RIGHT CUT is a short-cut tobacco
W-B CUT is a long hue-cut tobacco
Wt?»ti>an-BrutQn QomffanyÇIIÔ? Bro’açjway. Nev? York'Git»-^-
FIRST BANK of BAY CITY
We are just completing 14 years of bank service for the people of
Bay City and tributary country.
We invite your further patron­
age. and full co-operation so we may be able to give you still
better service. You are cordially invited to carry your business
with us. Depository for City, County, Port and Siate.
BAY CITY DRUG CO.
Entire New St ock of Candies.
New Syrups. Come and See.
Phone 32.
C. H. JONES TRADING COMPANY.
- BAY CITY, OREGON.
Fruit, Groceries and Campers' Supplies
Dry Goods and Gasoline.
Phone Main 71
blended cho
Turkish and choice Dome
tobaccos in Camel cigarettes eli:
nate bite and free them from i
unpleasant cigaretty aftertaste
unpleasant cigaretty odor.
xpertly
low-mildness of the tobaccos yet re­
taining the desirable “body.” Camels
are simply a revelation! You may
smoke them without tiring yourtaste!
For your own satisfaction you must
compare Camels with any cigarette
in the world at any price. Then,
you’ll best realize their superior
quality and the rare enjoyment
they provide.
R. J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO COMPANY, Wmaton-S.lem. N. C.
A Polite Burglar.
Miss Gortyodd awoke in the middle
of the night to find a burglar ran-
sacking her effects. Miss Fortyodd
did not scream, for she prided her­
self, among other things, upon her
courage.
Pointing to the door with a dra­
matic jcsture, she exclaimed:
“Leave me at once!”
The burglar politely retreated a
step and said:
“I had no intention of taking you.”
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A Born Optimist.
I
Scraps of Paper.
1
1
ing up firecrackers on the continued
supposition that they were worms, ■S
—°—
i j despite the fact that every explosion
The Senate is putting the “shant” nearly tore her fool head off.
■——o----------
in Shantung.
Who will share the losses of indus-
H. Bryan, of St.Paul, concocts this: 1 try when the profits are divided?
"Covert covenants covertly connived ; And if profits are to be guaranteed
l who’s going to be the goat of that
at.”
I arrangement? It all gets back to the
■ - o——
Burleson will stick, it is announced plan for trimming the ultimate and
Sure, that's why the "burr” is in unfortunate consumer.
;
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Burleson.
( Big business has a right to favor
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Well, the American mother certain­ the league of nations covenant as it I I i
ly didn’t raise her boy to be a po­ stands, but it is little business for i '
big business to be willing to think
liceman in Silesia or Hedjaz.
more of the commercial advantages
Emerson said: “None shall rule but it expects to derive from internation­
the humble, and none but toil shall alization than it does of the rights
I and interests of the American people.
have.” He ought to see us now.
FLOUR
RE-SALE
The United States
Grain Corporation
Announces that It will sell
"Straight” grade flour, to all
purchasers, in carload lots, In
140 lb. jute sacks, gross weight
delivered to any railway sta­
tion in Zone 10, comprising the
States of Oregon, Washington,
and Idaho, at not to exceed
$10.00 per bbl. net cash. Pur­
chasers will be supplied from
nearest available mill, which
may result in slight saving for
buyers’ account.
"That fellow Jones is a born optim­
ist—most hopeful
fellow 1 ever
knew.”
“Yes?”
"He certainly is. No matter how
hard a job we’ve got, no odds how
difficult, you can be worrying your­
self to death, but he won’t; no sir!
He’ll just smile and tell you to keep
on dear heart; behind the sun the
Wholesale and jobbing prof­
clouds are
darkest;
never say
its on such flour must not ex­
President
Wilson
says
that
the
ad
­
The
next
tariff
law
ought
to
put
a
die; until you could almost waste a
ceed 75c per bbl. and retailer's
prohibitive tariff on alien covenants option of the league of nations will
brick on him.”
profit must not exceed $1.25
make it certain that our boys will
surreptitiously connived at.
per bbl. Address all communi­
o----- -
j never have to cross the seas again.
cations to
'
Doctor’s Vanity Cured.
No the treaty of peace provides no This accounts for his having signed
UNITED STATES GRAIN
--- ... which provides
- ---- IJ-. «...
“I didn’t make as many promises "annexations.” The league phraseo- a . treaty
that in ca8e
CORPORATION
to my patlente as I did when I first logists have invented a new name for France is attacked by Germany we
510 Board of Trade Building
' shall send military assistance.
began practicing,” said a physician it.
Portland, Oregon.
in answer to a question propounded
I
by a patient. “ I was cured of my
Glittering phrases will not main- i "Dissatisfaction at plans of Senate
confidence in making predictions tain the prosperity of the American leadership keen." moans the Wash­
early in my practice. "Take this people: it has been tried before and ington Star, an administration or­
medicine,’ I said to a woman patient, it has never worked.
gan. Did the people of this coutry
I deny President Wilson’s appeal for a
'and you'll be all right tomorrow.'
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I
MODEL* OF PERFECTIOII.
i
"The next day 1 called and asked
If government railroading keeps on 1 Democratic Senate and send men
her how she felt. "Just fine/’ she an- keeping on, and the employes were to rather than rubber stamps to control
PERFECTLY
' swered. ’I told you you would if you divide the losses, they soon wouldn’t that body merely for the purpose of
producing keen satisfaction at the ,
took the medicine I prescribed,’ I have any wage left.
SIMPLE
I
White House?
answered, with the vanity of youth.
SIMPLY
•
"Yes, but I didn't take the medi­
Carranza declares he has no use for
President Wilson says it’s time
cine at all,’ the woman replied.
the Monroe Doctrine, but he Isn’t the
PERFECT.
only executive on the hemisphere for the opponents of the treaty "to
'put
up
or
shut
up.
”
That
has
been
Needles,
Oil,
Belts
and
all
kinds of Sewing
who hasn’t much respect for it.
I substantially the message of the »Machin« supplies, Repairing a specialty.«
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And Stopped Talking ?
The American people have to pay present national administration to
"Well,” said the far west mayor to
New Home Users
the English tourist, "I dunno how $35,000 for damages done the Hotel the American people for a long time;
are quality chosers.
you manage these affairs in your Crillon by the free boarders we en­ "Put up and shut up." But the peo­
For Sale By
country, but over here, when some of tertained there. Colonel House’s fit t ple are beginning to believe that
SHARFF lb DUBIVER
thoHe who hpve to put up should be
our boys got tied up in that bank­ name must be Rough.
permitted to talk up occasionally.
172 3rd Street
rupt telephone company I was tellin'
I
Of course after being permitted to
yuh about, they become mighty
NEW HOME SEWING MACHINE
rob and kill American citizens at will
crusty.”
Announcement.
COMPANY.
for several years, it is a little diffi­
"Oh!”
cult
for
Gen.
Carranza
to
grasp
the
Twentieth Century wood saw now
"Yes, they didn’t like the way the
receiver was handlin’ the business idea that anybody has a right to oh- in operation.
ject.
All orders promptly attended to.
nohow.”
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Call Bell phone 6F2 or leave oiders
■’indeed!” commented the earnest
Storage
—Oils
Plumb
You might suppose this man
at Star Grocery or Sutton’s Market.
listner. "Then may 1 ask what they
Repairing of all kinds.
who invented the Plumb plan, ,was a
Karl Wilhelms.
did?”
Give us a trial.
"Sartinly. They just hung up the working man, but he isn’t; he’s a
lawyer, who never having been an
receiver.”
Goin & Wiedman.
employer or an emplaye naturally
knows all about the matter.
Bay City Garage.
Cattle Exchange.
Sorry, Just the Same.
They were newly married and she
was much too young to understand
that a man takes but little interest in
shopping expeditions. She had left
his side to look at a window in
. which were exhibited some new
1 spring fashions.
;
When she returned she took the
arm, which seemed to be half grudg-
' ingly proffered, and sobbed:
t
"You—you don’t even lo—look at
anyhhlng I want to—to see; you do
—don't care how I am dressed. You
no longer lo—love me. You haven’t
even ker-klssed me for a whole day,
and you”—
"I am extremely sorry, madam, but
that is my misfortune, not my fault,”
I said the gentleman looking pat het ic-
. ally down into her face.
She looked at him and gasped—she
' hod taken the arm of the wrong man.
Joseph I. C. Clark writes in the
New York Times that if the United
States doesn’t join the league of na-
lions the rest of the world may com
bine and wage war on us. In other
words we had better surrender before
being whipped.
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TOWER’S FISH BRAND
REFLEX SLICKER
REGISTERED AND GRADES
Of Any Breed.
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AUCTION SALE EVERY
SATURDAY AFTERNOON
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One of the items In a Presidetnal
expense account Is thirteen thousard
Dr. J. E. REEDY
dollars for entertaining Sir Eric Ged­
In
Bam Near Depot.
des and party. It was the Democratic
national platform of 1912, we be­
lieve, which demanded "a return to ECONOMY CLEANERS
that simplicity and economy befit-
AND DYERS
aing a democratic government.”
2nd, Between 3rd and 4th.
The credulous people who are ready
to swallow that "he keeps us out of MODERN EQUIPMENT.
war" stuff every time It is handed
PERMANENTLY LOCATED.
out reminds one of the hen who
E. F. Schultz,
■pent the whole Fourth of July pick-1
I
is a corker
for staying < k't '.1/ I
on the job. .
m ’ y ?
K
V
4a®
Rh
H44 tprod Ab ■ ktM/y. 3
Sa Ji jCaciioi.
Mniwd
DEALERS EVERYWHERE
A.XTOWWCO
BOSTON.