TILLAMOOK HEADLIGHT. JULY'11. 1918,
COURTING TROUBLE.
The „Open Boat.
----- O-----
I
“When this here war is done” says
Dan, and all the fightin’* through
There’s some'll pal with Fritz again
as they was used to do;
But not me” says Dan, the sailor man
"No me" says he,
"Lord knows its nippy in an open
boat on winter nights at sea.”
"When the last battle's lost and won,
an’ won or lost the game,
There’s some'll think no 'arm to drink
with squarheads just the same;
But not me,” says Dan the sailor man
"an* if you ask me why—
Lord know’s its thirsty in an open
boat when the water-breaker’s
dry.”
"When all the bloomin mines is swep’
an* ships are sunk no more
There’s some'll set them down to eat
with Germans as before;
But not me” says Dan the sailor man,
“Not me, for one—
Lord knows it's hungry in an open
boat when the last biscuit's done.”
"When peace is signed and treaties
made an’ trade begins again,
There's some'll shake a German hand
a’ never see the stain;
But not me," says Dan the sailor man,
“not me, as God's on high —
Lord knows it’s bitter in an open
boat to see your shipmates die.”
—Front Punch.
A Dog on Wheels.
It was a red-letter day for Pat Fin­
negan. For the first time he was a
member of a Jury. Dressed in bls best
suit he was about to depart for the
courthouse when his wife asked him I
where he was going.
“Shure, an' it’s to coort Ol'm go- I
Ing.” replied Pat
The next day the same thing hap­
pened. However, on the third morn­
ing things came to a climax.
Mrs.
Finnegan again asked the question.
“Shure, It’s to coort Ol’m going,”
said Pat.
Mrs. Finnegan took the rolling pin
and got in Pat's way.
“Now, Pat," she replied, "take off
them good clothes; yer not going to
coort. If there’s any coortin’ to be
done, shure, ye'll do it here, an' do
it with me 1”
Mr. Flatbunh—Why In the world
does a woman always get off a street
car the wrong way.
Mrs. Flatbush—She doesn’t
“Of course she does. Instead of fac­
ing the way. the car is going, she faces
the other way."
"That’a because the conductor takes
her beyond the street she wants to get
off at, and <>£ course she wants to face
the way sbu’x going.”
More Imposition.
JACK OF ALL TRADES.
••
"SfrS. Diggs is going to read an lm-
portafit. impgr before her literary club.”
“Ah! In that case, Professor Diggs
will have to drop his scientific investi­
gations for a while.”
“Jle won’t be compelled to hear her
read it,, will he?”
"No. but he’ll probably have to write
Those Well Fed Americans.
•i
Vernacular.
“Why did you discharge your 000k?"
"She said she wouldn’t be repri­
Otte thing Europe notices in the manded.”
"I like men who do things.”
Americans is their physique. Thanks
"Did she express herself to that ef­
“Well, I have done as many different
to the country that has fed them, they fect f
things as anybody you know.”
are bigger, sturdier fellows than the
"Yea, but what she really said was,
allies of the Germans. One of the ‘I won’t take no sass often nobody.’"
Ever Notloe It?
great troubles of the quartermaster
The man that walla that times are hard
department of the army has been to
You
will
observe
full oft,
Point Blank.
la looking tor a berth in life
get clothes large enough for the men.
Jack.—And when I proposed at the
Particularly soft.
More large sizes have been needed dance she asked for time to think it
—Boston Transcript.
than any other. A recruit accepted over. What do you suppose she did
this month at Fort Douglas could not that?
Her Remedy.
»
find a single article of the regulation
“When I told Marlu her new hat was
Bess—Well, a girl naturally hates to
uniform that was big enough for him. think of disagreeable things while en­ unbecoming, she said she would face
He had to squeeze himself into an ex­ joying herself.
the troubja and make It the subject of
tra large sweater, and the post tailor
serious Reflection.”
made a temporary pair of trousers
A HINT.
“And did she?"
until a uniform especially made for
"Sure. She went for the nearest
him could be obtained. Tile man's
looking glass.”
name is Christensen. He is 6 feet j
inches in height, weighs 270 pounds
Public Representation.
"After you are goqe they may set
and has a chest measurement of 47
up a statue of you."
inches. When he gets behind a bay­
“Don’t sugegst it," replied Senator
onet, it will be a sorry day for the
Sorghum. “I've been looking the statu­
Hun who faces him.
ary over and I don’t want any. It’s
bad enough to be cartooned while you
Adopted, 1394 French Orphans.
are alive."
Thirteen hundred and ninety-four
French war orphans have been adopt­
ed by the National Association of the
Daughters of the American Revolu­
tion. These children are the wards of
the French government, which pays
half the sum necessary for their main­
tenance, while the other half is con­
tributed by the various D. A. R.
chapters.
The names of the orphans are tent
to Mme. Jusscrand after each case has
Father- -Agnes. U that young maa
liven investigated by the committee of stlU there?
which Marshal Joffre is the head.
Ltaughn*—Yes. papa.
The committee reports that there
Father- -Then ask bbn to bring in
are jooo more children who need help the morning paper before be goes, will
but owing to the shortage of labor it you. dear?
is impossible to obtain the clerical as­
sistance necessary to complete the
Exactly.
lists. The French office, which hand­
By luhlertua« he got awsr
From oepo on the qwl vtvs.
les this wark, was damaged recently
AnS »0 becanM. as one might ear.
In bombs.
___________
A aobtsrtualdve.
In emphatic terms National and
state selective service heads have
condemned attorneys who collect fees
for advice given registrants and who
make a professional matter of plead­
ing the deferred classification claims
of men in the draft. Captain J. E. Cul­
lison head of the selective service in
Oregon has issued a circular letter,
quoting largely from a message from
I’rovost Marshal-General Crowder in
which the taking of fees by lawyers
or notaries is branded as profiteering.
The other objcctional practices are
legal pleadings termed "improper,
unethical and unpatriotic.”
A Proud Declaration.
Getting Hie.
“You »eem to enjoy seeing the Judge
with bls wife."
“Yes, I like to see him get some of
his owp medicine."
“Ehr’
“I like to see her overrule bitn."
ForgoMul.
Mr. Brown- WbM did I do wKh my
hat. Japg»
Mrs Brown— Jou Mt M on your
head. B4H-
Mr. Brown—Goehl Next thing Hl
beleav^ my bead la my bat
"Wbafa 'tM dtapate' about r de­
manded the proprietor.
“Rdtnember,
la thia gioaa tbs eoatosner ta always
right"
"He aay* you’re an oM aharK" ex­
plained tba clerk brieBy
JONAH'S REPUTATION.
“I miss tlw well rounded perUsls you
used to employ In your oratlona.”
*1 may be shy on well-rounded pe-
riods." replied Senator Sorghum, "but
you will notice that I come to a full
stock quicker."
Mutual.
Nowaday».
Beggar—Could you spare a hungry
man a nickel?
Chelly—Yes. if you’ll tell me where
“Opportunity makes the man."
n man can buy anything to eut with
"Sure thing; where would Jonah
a nickel.
have been If the whale bad not been
wulting for him?”
is n corker
for si ay i nd
Rustic Plutocracy.
“Thousands of dollars pass through
a bank teller’s hands dally.”
“That's nothing. Think of what
passes through a farmer's hands who
I milks twenty cows."
DEALERS EVERYWHERE.
A J TO»IB CO
BOSTON
LADIES' SUITS, COATS AND SKIRTS
RADICALLY REDUCED IN PRICE
In Those Days.
1
To Effect an Entire Clearance.
Come to the Store and see what wonderful Bargains there are in
Ladies’ Ready-to-Wear of all kinds in the Dept, on the Balcony.
Wash Goods,
Wash Goods,
Wash Goods,
25c.
39c.
59c.
Per Yard.
Per Yard.
Per Yard.
Actual Values to 48c.
Actual Values to 75c.
Actual Values to 98c.
Skirtings,
Skirtings,
Skirtings,
69c.
$1.48
$1.98
Per Yard.
Per Yard.
Per Yard.
Actual values to $1.00.
Actual Values to $1.75.
Actual $2.50 Values.
Trimmed Millinery,
Novelty Silks,
Trimmed Millinery,
$1.98.
$1.93
“Chic” Styles, (Great
Per Yard.
Bargains.
Actual Values to $2.50.
Ladies’ Shoes,
Ladies’Shoes,
Ladies’ Shoes,
$2.35 Pair-
$6.95 Pair-
$3.98 ''air-
Shoes and Oxfords.
Fine Dress Shoes.
Nubuck Shoesand Oxfords.
Actual Values to $5.00.
Actual $8, $9, $10 Values.
Splendid Bargains.
Men’s Panamas,
Canvas Pumps,
Straw Hats,
$2.95 Earf‘-
$1.79 Pair-
$1.65 Each-
Genuine Panamas.
Change.
Ruth Is an alchemist I know.
And so VII have to drop her.
For every time I’m out with her
My silver turns to copper
— Widow.
In These Days.
"It’s as useless as the fifth wheel to
"It’s as useless as the fifth wheel to
a wagon."
a wagon."
“That adage Is out of date. All au­
“That adage Is out of date. All au­
tomobile« carry an extra tire."
tomobiles carry extra tires."
$4.47
Wonderful Bargains.
Ladies’ one Strap Pumps Men’s French Straw Ilats.
Actual $5 00 Values.
with low heels.
Actual $2.50 Values.
Men’s Hats,
Four New Styles in
Union Suits,
$1.95 Each-
Smart Cloth Hats.
Actual $3.00 Values.
One Dollar
Wirthmor Waists
zXrrived this week.
See them today.
87c. Each-
Men’s Nainsook Union
Suits in Athletic Styles.
FIRST TO SHOW—FIRST TO SELL.
Ladies’ Coats, Fall 1918 Styles—An Even 50 Received
Today by Express.
Embracing such desirable materials as Silk Plush, Duotones, Duret
de Laine, Velours, Broadcloths, Silvertones, Serges, etc. In all required
sizes and priced $17.45 to $50.00,—See them today on the Balcony.
DRESSMAKING
DEPARTMENT.
A completely equip­
DELINEATOR
“ SPECIAL.____
*Ask| |for particulars
about a very special sub­
scription offer for the De­
lineator Magazine.
TILLAMOOK, OREGON.
ped Dressmaking De­
partment has been opened
on the Balcony in charge
of an expert Dressmaker.
Value oi Oui “New’\Daylight.
: Jack Davis ................................... 38.50
( Waine Jackson ........................ 21.00
Figures that show the bearing of
Ole Redberg ............................... 80.50 I Jim Sperry................................... 41.50 daylight saving on war gardens are
gardencis its
E. Vincent ................................... 21.00 Chas. Bamma................................. 33.25 impressive—3,000,000
seven
months
will
gain
564,000,000
John
Lowrance
.........................
41.50
J. Etzwiler................................... 70.00
hours, which are equivalent to 62,250,-
Mart Penter ..........................
84.00 Vai Fisher, Jr.............................. 41.50
00 days of eight hours each, or 186,-
E. Porter......................................... 84.00 I Vai Fisher, Sr.............................. 18.37 986 years. This time is considered
E.
L.
Eckerson
.........................
29.75
E Neuenschwander ................... 78.75
sufficient for raising the equivalent of
A. E. Meyer............................... 100.00 I Warren Johnson ....................... 29.75 the supplies consumed in six months,
E. Porter ................................... 160.12 Hugh Wallace ........................ 27.12 by an army of 1,000,000 men. These
Wm. Christensen............................. 7.00 Geo. Kostic ................................... 1.00 calculations by the president of the
F. Scherzinger............................... 4.37 Standard Oil Co.......................... 70.18 | national war garden commission leave
J. Trent ....................................... 8.75 Joe Aufdermeyer ....................... 2.15 no doubt as to the practical value of
26.27 ' the plan for setting the clock ahead
H. Scherzinger ........................... 8.75 W. H. Woods ......................
Bob Neuenscheuwander .......... 63.00 Goldsworthy & Shoemaker .... 21.13 an hour.
A continuance of daylight saving in
Forest J. Ayer........................... 120.00 R E. Wilson & Co....................... 81.69
I 1919 is expected as a matter of course
Frank Yack ................................. 31.50 F. L. Martin ............................... 7.50 People who appreciate the advantage
Walter Sedore................................. 46.80 F. L. Martin..................................... 3.00 | naturally wonder why so much talk-
W. 8. Coates ..................
3.75 Albert Boon ............................... 46.45 ■ ing was necessary before congress or­
Till. Iron Works ........................... 1.35 A. B. Wood ................................... 6.90 dered the change. No disturbance was
Hiner & Son ............................... 34.75 Gilbert Bros................................... 34.30 1 caused by the federal regulation for
State Industrial Accident Cont. 30.30 A. E. Hanson ............................... 1.00 the reason that it applied to every one
A. C. Deuel ..................................... 50.00 R. E. Wilson & Co......................... 50.00 and when the time comes for setting
D. W. Gilbert & Sons ............... 39.22 Erwin Harrison............................. 27.00 the clocks back an hour there will be
Till. Co. Mutual Tel. Co.................... 80 Kellow Bros................................... 12.10 no confusion,— Providence Journal.
Hiner t Reed ................................. 61.07 ' Oscar Taggart ........................... 35.00
For Sale—Second hand auto truck»
King-Crenshaw Hdw. Co............. 99.70 G. M. Kostic ............................... 2.88 1200 tbs. capacity, in good condition.
A. G. Beals Lbr. Co........................ 10.80
Also second hand saddle, practically
Total
6345.78 sew. Inquire cf H. M. Cross, Tilla­
Edward Mallory ............................. 82.50
mook, Ore.
•
(Continued on 5th page)
Grace—d’ercy says his dog Is as In­
telligent as he Is.
Dolly—-Oh. there’s no doubt about It.
Percy 1« proud of the dog and the dog
Is proud of Percy.
REFLEX SLICKER L
Hófvrprw/' Abtolutoly.
the many other Bargains being shown by every dept, in the store.
Bills Allowed by County Court. I John Dyke ................................... 38.50
A Final Opinion.
"What did you think of the tech­
nique of the prlina donna last night.
Mrs. Cotneuin"
“Why, It was all old style. It even
was buttoned down the back."
TOWER’S FISH BRAND
Satisfailion Guananiesd
are listed below, but they are well worth your consideration as also are
Truth About Premonition.
“Once In a while an error turns out
to be the truth,” said the editor.
“How is that?” asked the caller.
“Why," replied the editor, “in writ­
ing about the death of Mrs. Rounder
I referred to Mr. Rounder as ‘the
bereaved widower,’ but the compos­
itor made it ‘the relieved widower,’
and It got into the paper that way,
and Rounder never even called up
to demand a correction."—London
Tit-Bits.
Explained at Last
o-----
One of the Red Cross workers at
Jacksonville, Kan., was a two legged
dog, which had lost its two forelegs
in an accident. By means of a leather
harness, the dog's owner attached a
pair of wheels on an axle just below IL”
1 • it>i«
- ----------
the dog's shoulders. The axle turns
Probably.
and the dog can run from side to side
The old colored man had climbed
go straight ahead or turn around
by simply propelling its body with Into the dentist's chair.
“Shall I give you laughing-gas,
its hind legs. The Red Cross sign,
which the crippled dog bore up and unclfc?" queried the tooth doctor.
“Not till the toof am out. boss,”
down the streets of Jacksonville, was
"Reckon
the means of getting hundreds of per­ replied the old man.
mebby Ah’ll feel mo’ lak luffin'
sons to give for war mercy work.
den.”^
■
Only a few of the Bargains offered in this Wonderful Clean-Up Sales