Tillamoolc HUMOR IN BATTLE ~| A Laugh That Snapped the Tenaien and Saved the Day. Many a time baa that sense of humor wblcu La the heritage of the aons of Uncle Sam been as a sheet anchor to tbeui. Danger deadly enough to make the bravest pause has lost Its terror when touched by this saving grace. “I remember well bow a timely tittle pleasantry In a moment of deadly peril turned utter defeat Into victory for us at Port Republic, considered by Stone­ wall Jackson the moat desperate of all his desperate battles.” said an old vet­ eran of the "Stonewall" brigade of the Confederate army. “General Shields' line of battle, com­ posed of the flower of the Union troops then in the Shenandoah valley, stood with Its right flank resting on the Shenandoah river and Its left clutch­ ing firmly to the steep shoulder of the Blue Ridge mountains; stood there like the mountain ridge Itself, not to be moved, not to be flanked. High on the slope above and In front of the left wing a well posted battery of eight powerful field guns poured destruction Into the Confederate lines. “Stonewall Jackson must have those guns. Not only was this necessary to victory, but also to save himself from complete defeat, for to attempt to with­ draw his men in the face of that dead­ ly shell fire meant rout. Already two Georgia regiments bad burled them­ selves against the battery and then reeled, crushed, to the rear. General Taylor's Texans, veterans of San Ja­ cinto in the Mexican war, had twice stormed up the steep slope to the muz­ zles of the guns, only to stagger back, leaving half of tbelr officers on the field. "To us, lying In reserve. In full view of that bloody mountain side, there galloped up an aid from General Jack- son. “'Charge that battery and take It!* he shouted to our commanding officers, pointing to the bristling guns. 'Gener­ al Jackson says he must have those guns—be must have them!' "A murmur ran down our line. None, neither friend nor foe, ever accused the Stonewall brigade of being afraid But when we looked up at those grisly guns, yawning, black mouthed, beneath their smoke canopy; when pur eyes swept up that fatal slope, now gray with southern dead, we came about as near knowing fear as ever a soldier wishes. “And just then there came from a lank and ragged private In the front ranks the drawling words: "'Say, boys, let’s we all-l-l chip In an' buy them air guns for Ole Jack!' “A roar of laughter rolled rioting down the line, snapping the tension. The commanding officers, seizing the opportune Instant, started the charge. The gray lines, close on tbelr heels, swept up the slope, laughing, shouting, falling, yelling, dying—to victory! “A little timely humor bad saved the day for the Confederate army!”—New York Times. Asparagus Analysed. Asparagus belongs to the family of plants—llllacae— that Includes onions, leeks and garlic. Each of those vege­ tables contains a small quantity of sul­ phur in the form of an oil. The pres­ ence of the sulphur is more noticeable In onions than In asparagus, but if hoots of asparagus are left In water or a few days the odor of onion de- elops and becomes quite strong. The ood value of asparagus is slight, and much of It is lost in the process of boil­ ing. The London Lancet declares that after boiling for twenty minutes as­ paragus has virtually no food value. Perpetual Motion. Perpetual motion Is a very old dream. For this purpose machines have been constructed from time Im­ memorial, but nothing bas every come of it. Men have gone mad on tbe sub­ ject, but without any practical results. It was demonstrated long ago by Sir Isaac Newton and De la Hire that per- l>etual motion Is Impossible of attain­ ment Even tbe solar system, the most wouderful machine of which we have any knowledge, will run down In the course of time, some say In about 11.000,000 of yean from now.—New York American. Spell This. TOMB OF JONAH. Moslems Look Upon it as Sacred end Guard It From Intrusion. Tbe site of Nineveh is almost per­ fectly level, but adjoining tbe western wall are two huge mounds that conceal the palaces of the greatest kings of Nineveh. On the lower or southern mound stand a mosque and a village of considerable size, says a correspond­ ent of the Christian Herald. The village Is named Nebl Yunus, or the I ropbet Jonah, for the mosque contains the tomb In which Jonah is said to have been buried. The age of the tomb b uncertain, but it was prob­ ably built long after the Hebrew proph­ et's time. However, tbe place is now sacred, so sacred that pilgrims from afar visit it. "1 rode up tbe steep, narrow streets of tbe village to the mosque,” writes tbe Herald's correspondent, “dismount­ ed and entered the yard. A crowd of excited Arabs quickly surrounded me. I explained to a priest that I had come to see the grave of Jonah, and with a motion of tbe band I made him under­ stand that I should reward him. Re­ moving my shoes. I followed tbe priest through a dark passageway. “Then be pointed to n wall and said the tomb was just beyond. I wished to enter tbe prayer room, from which the tomb Itself might be seen, but tbe place was considered far too sacred for my profaue feet. The few Christians who have been permitted to see the tomb may only look through a small window into a dark chamber, in which a cloth covered mound Is barely discernible. It Is said that no Mqtlem will enter the iuner shrine,” Headlight, March 2ö, 1014 Origin of the Dead Letter Office. “What was the reason for our office getting Its name of the dead letter of­ fice. as It is often called?" said au offi­ cial in tbe returned letter office. "Well, it was originally started in order to re­ turn to the senders all letters, etc., ad­ dressed to i>eople who turned out to be dead. The need for sacb au arrange­ ment became evident from the num­ ber of valuable inclosures contained iu such missives, and that tbe old tradi­ tion still lingers in tbe department is evident from the fact that tbe bags containing returned letters are black In color. “Yes, there are people who imagine us to be mysteriously connected with death itself, and some time back we received a peculiar letter from one of them. Within a week of having a let­ ter returned to her a certain person living in tbe same bouse bad died, and consequently tbe writer, evidently as­ sociating her frieud's death directly with us, begged us In future never to send back letters again, but to burn them Instead."—London Answers. The Bridal Veil. Tbe bridal veil is evidently of east­ ern origin, being a relic of the bridal canopy held over the beads of the bride and bridegroom. Among the An­ glo-Saxons a similar custom existed, but tf the bride was a wldojv it was dispensed with. According to Sarum usage, a flue linen cloth was laid upon the heads of the bride and bridegroom and was not removed until the bene­ diction bad been said. The old British custom was to use nature's veil un­ adorned—that is, the long hair of the bride, which was so worn by all brides, royal, noble and simple. Only then did every one behold tbe tresses of maidenhood in their entirety and for DRINKING IN EUROPE tbe last time, as after marriage they Munich Heads the List In the Quantity were neatly dressed on the head. Among some the tresses were cut and of Beer Consumed. Norwegians are one of the most tem­ carefully stowed away on a woman perate of northern nations, consuming becoming a wife. It was customary but 46% pints of beer and 4% of bran­ in Russia for village brides to shear tbeir locks on returning from church.— dy per head of population yearly. The Dane drinks on the average 150 Family Doctor. ——?---------------- pints of beer, but little wine, and only Trees and the Soil. 36 pints of brandy each year. Tbe The soil is a resource of priceless Swede mannges to consume 84 pints of beer and 13 of spirits. The Russian value. Its formation on rocks is ex­ drinks 7% pints of vodka and the same ceedingly slow. According to Profes­ amount of beer. Tbe Frenchman, sor J. Bowman, many glacial scratches however, takes 100 pints of wine, 15 of that were made on rock during the last beer, 48 of brandy. Tbe Britisher glacial period, lietween 60,000 and 75,- soothes himself with 9 pints of whisky 900 years ago, are still as fresh as if they hud been made only yesterday. or gin, 3 of claret and 228 of beer. Tbe Dutchman will drink 54 pints of Yet since the glaciers thus recorded beer and 12 of brandy. Taking every themselves man has come up from the German province to obtain an average. cave and tbe stone hammer. Seventy It Is found that the German consumes thousand years is a very short tlmp 187% pints of beer, 10% of wine and for the development of a soil cover. 9% of spirits. In Munich, however, For man it means a period so great tbe average amount per head rises to that the mind can hardly grasp it. Tbe 850% pints, being tbe highest of any cutting off of tbe trees exposes the province, while the lowest average ob­ soil so that tbe rain beats upon it, and tains In tbe northern province of Al- since It bas lost tbe protection that satia. Here tbe inhabitants are satis­ tbe roots and tbe litter on tbe ground fied with only 144 pints of beer per afforded tbe soli is soon washed away. In fifty years a single lumber mer­ bead. Tbe Italian is tbe least of all addict­ chant can deprive the race of soil that ed to alcoholic beverages, taking only required 10,000 years to form.—Youth's 3 pints of beer, 1% of alcoholic bever­ Companion. ages and 144 of wine per bead.—Pear­ Premiums Upon Babies. son's Weekly. Augustus, emperor of Rome, made babies a passport to office. By the Star Colors. Professor Edward C. Pickering of Lex Papia Poppaea, passed in A. D. Harvard bas been able to show that 9, definite preference as regards office Ptolemy bad an excellent eye for color was given to the fathers of satisfacto­ values; that William Herscbel bad a rily large families. 8uch fathers were strong sense of red, but was a little eligible for office before t ‘nty-tive. weak on tbe blues; that the noted They took precedence of colleagues astronomer Sufi, of tbe tenth century, with no children or fewer tnan three was another who bad a good color and were preferred all round. The vision; that of various other ancient privilege was called the “jus trlum Ii1>- astronomers some were weak on the erorurn” (three children privilege), but reds and some on tbe blues. His as­ tbe qualifying number, three in Rome, sertions are based on tbe practical was four in Italy, five in tbe prov­ certainty that tbe color of tbe stars has inces. The system, however, nevei not changed in these centuries. Most worked well. of tbe old astronomers have left rec­ ords of tbe colors of tbe various stars, A Snow Hurrieano. and these values be applied to stand­ Tbe buran, or snow hurricane of the ards established by taking tbe aver­ Pamirs, is a meteorological phenome­ age color value of certain stars given non of great interest. Even in mid by a number of Harvard observers.— summer the temperature during a Saturday Evening Post snow buran frequently falls to 14 de­ grees F, while In one winter it drop Able Assistant. l>ed to 45 degrees below zero at tbe Tbe small son of a clergyman who end of January. The buran comes was noted tor bis tiresome sermons with startling suddenness, the atmos­ overbenrd two friends of bis father phere growing dark with whirling saying how dry they were and how snowflakes where s'-areely a minute bard it was to keep awake during liefore the sky was perfectly clear. them. The following Sunday while tbe minister was preaching be was Very Sad. astounded to see his son throwing peb­ First Salesman—A woman was ar­ bles at the congregation from tbe gal­ rested downstairs this morning. Sec­ lery. Tbe clergyman frowned angrily ond Salesman—What for? First Sales­ at him, when tbe boy piped out la a man—She was caught in the act of clear treble voice: concealing a hand mirror. Second “It's all right pop. You go on preach­ Salesman—Poor woman! That’s what ing. Pm keeping them awake.’’—Phil­ comes of taking a glass too much.— adelphia Ledger. Chicago News. Some of yon wbo think you are well ®P in spelling just try to spell tbe words tn this little sentence: “It is agreeable to witness the un­ paralleled ecstasy of two harassed ped­ dlers endeavoring to gauge tbe sym­ metry of two peeled pears.” Ths Neglected Negative. Read It over to your friends sec "A young man," said the ready made how many of them can spell every word correctly. The sentence contains philosopher, “should learn to say ‘no.’ ” "Yes.” replied Farmer Corntossel. “I •ome of the real puzzlers of the spell­ feel that my boy Josh ought to take at ing book. least that much trouble. When I ask him to help around the place be simply Another Face Allures Him. ”1 hope you watch your teacher, gives me a haughty stare.”—Washing­ ♦olinnle. and remember what she ton Star._____________ •hows yon." Accommodating. "Naw. I don't” “John, if I should die I want you to "What do you do?” “I watch tbe clock.”—Cleveland Plain promise me you wouldn't marry again dealer. within a year at least.” “All right. Go ahead. I’ll promise anything.”—Chicago Record-Herald. Credit Is Due. A tn«o believes be Is a hero If be Our Language. •muses a baby for three minutes. But "So when you broke tbe news to her never gives a mother credit for • musing It twenty-four hours a day.— she went all to pieces V "Tea, but It didn't take her long to •’’•clnnatl Enquirer. collect herself."-Boston Transcript Turned Down. Undesirable. Kloseman—Sorry to refuse you. old •Are they desirable tenants?” S*B b,lt n>y money likes company. “Dear me, no. They're nice people, ’y*vow»-\vhat do yon mean? Klose- m#D-l« can t bear to be a loaa.”-&M- but they’ve got four children.”—Detroit 100 Transcript Free Frees. Tbe path of duty *• tbe way of safety and tba road to honor. l The Indicting Instinct. "Do you think women ought to hold public office?" "Well, in some cases. B’lt, judging from tbe way they talked about every­ body in the community, I'd hate U» have those wbo met at my house yes­ terday on a grand jury.”—Washington Star. 1 LiflflD PLiflSTER. LA M B-SCII RADER COM PA N Y. DOCKS; WAREHOUSE, FRONT STREET, BETWEEN 2nd & 3rd AVENUE WEST. OWN YOUR HOME AND PAY FOR IT WITH WHAT YOU ARE NOW PAYING FOR RENT If "SToxx to 2B-IX3T, Or ZBxxiia. a, Heme, Ox ZSepa.37- a Odlcxtg'Q.g'e. And desire the aid of borowed money, we ask your careful consideration of the advantages afforded by our monthly instalment plan of loan rent. Only you pay it to your credit instead of the landlord. The Plan of our Loan is the very best afforded on the market to-day. Can we not be of service to you like we have been to many others in Tillamook City. ROLLIE W. WATSON, Loans. Insurance, Real I Estate, Collections. TODD HOTEL. Both ’Phones Size of Queensland. To give some idea of the size of Aus­ tralia. Queensland alone Is half as big again as Germany. Austria and Hun­ gary put together Ils area Is 808,407 square mile*. Babies will grow nnd while they are growing, you should have them photographed often enough to keep a record of each interesting stage of their childhood. You will ptize the collection of baby’s pictures more ami more as the years go by Monk’s S'udio Ford THE UNIVERSAL CAR. Buy It Because It s a Better Car. Model T Touring; Car f. o. b. Detroit. "My Mamma Says - Its Saie for Children” $550 CONTAINS NO OPIATES Get.particulars from ED. HADLEY, Tillamook, Oregon. B' I«. JBi * Why You flee aNewRanii J ' gpL..- ÏJ M A J E >T 1 C 1 frinì "7* Is M mahjiic j; AfaJein Thrtt Othat Styles Borno housewives who I I display a remarkable I ¿1 ¿’icoi*« I amount of broad, sound, 1, I pc & cpvoi » common sense along L I wi [7" n- , / knife in the scams and Joints a.iy- whore on it where the stove putty 1. crumbled away. When a range r 1i in that condition, it takes fuel enou h io warm all to uu uuvuuuib outdoors in m viuoi order to get i . ■- yo j ir •• . .__ oven hot enough for baklng-and then you run the risk of turning whatever is in the oven. You can soon burn up tue price of the best range c jv or »’» h < ih in a useless waste of fuel in an old. w«*rn-out stove or lanr.e-nncl that s neither practical economy nor good mar uwent. i? If you would practice real economy In your household manfitf yy nt, it will pay you. the next time you are in to vn. to < n 1 i t < ur ’“‘H r* closely into tbe perfect Laklug and reioar table fuel saving qualities of the ■> m »I 'IB IB! 'Bl -18811 1 Sidney E. Henderson, Pres, ® Surveyor. • John Leland Henderson, Sec- B retary Treas., Attomey-at- Law, Notrary Public. ■ ■ « b « Tillamook Title and Abstract Co. Law, Abstracts, Real Estate, Surveying, Insurance. Both Phones. TILLAMOOK - - OREGON. A 15 Watt Mazda Lamp On your front porch cun be lit every night until midnight • and register not over fifty cents per month on the meter. T illamook E lectric L ight and .F uel C ompany W ill S palding , Manager. Malleable and Charcoal Iron Outwear« Three Ordinary Ranges Tbe Majestic 1« put together with rivet« (not bolt» and «tove putty) making It absolutely air tight, like an engine boiler. The Joint« and seam« will remain air tight forever ni ne!th< r expanfitori nor contraction can afioct or open them. Ribbons. The original spelling of ribbon was ribbaiid. for It was a band that went around tbe waist. Inclosing or binding the ribs. The balr ribbon Is thus a very odd verbal paradox. “I feel it my duty to tell others what Chamberlain’s Tablets have done for me," writes Mrs. L. Dunlap, of Oak : Drove. Mich. "I have suffered with pains in my l»ack and under my shoulder blade for a number of years, also with a poor appe­ tite and constipation. I tried all of the rem­ edies that I heard of, and a number of doc­ tors, but got no relief. Finally a friend told me to try Chamber­ lain's Stomach and Liver Tablets. I got a bottle of them and they soon helped my stomach; by their gentle action my bow­ els became more reg­ ular. Today I feel like praising them to all who suffer as I did, for they have cured me and made my life worth living " Let us tell you HOW you can accomplish »this, || Phenomenal. “Papa," asked Willie, “what Is phe­ nomenal?" “It Is phenomenal, my eon." explain­ ed Mr. Wisepate, “when a lawyer Is content with a nominal fee '—Truth. Made My Life Worth Living ALEX McNAI R & CO