TILLAMOOK
HEADLIGET, MAY 25. 1011
w
Grinned Inte Matrimony.
That grinning matches were an ac
cepted form of sport in early English
days la shown by an advertisement
announcing a gold ring to be grinned
for by men on Oct. 8 at the Bwau.
Coleshill heath, Warwickshire, which
appeared in tbe Post-Boy of Sept. 17,
1711. Addison gives a detailed ac
count of one of these "controversies of
faces,” telling us that tbe audience
unanimously bestowed tbe ring on a
coobler who “produced several new
grins of bls own invention, having
been used to cut faces for many years
together over his last.”
His performance was something like
thia: "At tbe very first grin be cast
every human feature out of his coun
tenance. at the second he simulated
tbe face of a spout, at the^tbtrd that
of a baboon, at the fourth tbe bead of
a baas viol and at the fifth a pair of
nut crackers.” Addison adds that a
comely wench whom be had wooed In
vain for more than, five years was so
charmed with hip grins that she mar
ried him the inflowing week, the cob
bler using the prize as his wedding
ring.
Powerful Dulls.
During a debate upon the second
reading of the Irish land bill in 1890
Lord Londonderry concluded a period
with: "This is the keystone of tbe bill.
Are you going to kill it?”
Sir Frederick Milner, speaking on
the budget, said, "A cow may be drain
ed dry, and if chancellors of tbe ex-
< liequer persist in meeting every de
ficiency that occurs by taxtDg the
brewing and distilling industry they
will Inevitably kill the cow that lays
the golden milk!”
Lord Curzon—"The interests of tbe
employers nnd employed are the same
nine times out of ten —I will even say
ninety-nine times out of ten!"
Discussing Mr. Asquith's licensing
bill at a meeting at Shoreditch, a mem
ber of parliament roused tbe audience
to a frenzy of enthusiasm by declaring
that "the time has come to atrip to
the waist and tuck up our shirt
•sleeves!”
What la Electricity?
Many persons young and old often
wonder how tbe modern electric cars,
trains and locomotives are operated
and what electricity is. No one knows
what electricity ia. We know some of
tbe things that it will do. We have
to a certain extent learned how to con
trol it and for want of a better name
cal) it a fluid. We have discovered.
too, that it is one of tbe most impor
tant forces, if not the most important
force, of which we have any knowl
edge. We are almost as ignorant of
many other great forces of nature—as,
for example, tbe attraction of gravita
tion. For the present we must be con
tent to observe such forces in action
and to devise the best methods to con
trol them. In this knowledge mankind
has progressed wonderfully within a
few years.—St. Nicholas.
Buried In Soerot.
Ths Burglar’s Umbrella
Among a collection of articles used
Two ancient kings were buried In se
by burglars when engaged in their ne
farious calling la one particular con
trivance that arouses great interest
In appearance it resembles a large
umbrella that baa seen bard aervlce.
It was formerly the property of a bur
glar, and it was by its means that be
was able to enter tbe second story of a
building. Removing tbe cover, a stick
wound with ropes is revealed. The
stick opens like a telescope or a joint
ed fishing rod. Wound round it la a
rope ladder made of strong material
and about thirteen feet in length. The
ladder is only wide enough for one
foot to be placed on tbe rungs. Tbe
extending stick was used to raise one
end of tbe ladder to tbe window
through which tbe operator wished to
enter, and on tbe upper end of tbe
ladder are two books to be fastened
to tbe Bill. This Imitation umbrella is
regarded as one of the most Ingenious
affairs ever made use of by a thief.—
London Standard.
cret Attila, king of the Huns, afaer
bla siege of Rome, died in Hungary
A. D 463. His soldiers, desirous of
giving their great leader a right royal
burial, Inclosed his body first in u
casket of gold, this in one of silver and
this in one of lead, and transported it
into a desert There slaves were ae
lected, and under tbe direction of men
who were sworn to secrecy they dug
the grsve of tbe dead monarch. When
this was accomplished no traces of the
spot were left. The slaves were all
cruelly slain.
Alaric, king of the Goths, tbe cele
brated conqueror of Rome, died when
with his army at Cosenxa, south Italy.
His men turned tbe course of a river,
interred tbe body of their sovereign,
with much treasure, in Its bed and
restored the stream to its channel.
No man has ever lighted on tbe rest
ing place of either of these kings, who
in this respect resemble Moses, of
whom it is written, “No man knoweth
of his sepulcher unto this day.”
Took the Shilling.
A recruiting sergeant one day met an
ignorant youth idling, with bls bands
in his pockets and standing before a
bouse on tbe front of which was a
notice informing tbe public that the
building was to be sold. Tbe notice
ran thus: "To Be Sold, by Private
Treaty.”
Tbe sergeant approached tbe youth
and asked him if be had ever thought
of joining tbe army.
“Not me,” was tbe reply. "You’d
have nothing in the army worth talk
ing about.”
“Is that so?” said the other. “Well,
bow is it then Private Treaty has n
house for sale and him only a private
yet?”
The youth looked thoughtful and
puzzled, and presently, over a pint of
ale, the possibility of owning a bouse
by joining tbe army grew into a cer
tainty and the shilling changed hands.
—London Tit-Bits.
Wonderful Animaloulaa.
Of all the minute creatures that in
habit this globe unseen by the naked
eye there is none so astonlahln,.', ac
cording to the Scientific American, as
the little living things that live in
stagnant water. They are called slip
per animalculae. or, aa the scientist
has It, tbe paramecium. These tiny.
Invisible things develop to rapidly that
if they were able to live through 860
generations they would crowd every
other living thing off the face of the
earth and form a mass larger than the
planet itaelf. Should they go on re
producing until the nine hundredth
generation theee little creaturee would
form a mass large enough to crowd
the moon and stars and even the sun
entirely out of space. Luckily for us
this is not possible, according to na
ture’s decree. The paramecium dies
after it has attained the one hundred
and seventieth generation, and so the
awfnl posslbtlltiea are checked of its
multiplying to fill the universe.
'S
HEADQUARTERS FOR
(
|
)
j
'
; DAIRYMEN'S
SUPPLIES
AND
i STEEL STOVES & RANCES.
1
:
ja
U! * 1
We carry a Large Stock of
Tinware, Glass
Hardware,
and China,
Oils, Paint, Varnish, Doors, Window
Sashes,
§
Died From Bad Writing
German bandwriting attains a de-
gree of Illegibility unknown In Latin
script. A tragic Instance of this fact
was afforded by tbe death of Johann
Bacber, an Austrian musician of tbe
last century. Bacber spent most of I
bls leisure for fifteen years in compil
ing a history of the Viennese opera.
When the manuscript was completed
he submitted it to tbe Imperial acad
emy. which had promised to publish It.
In three months it was returned with
a statement that no member of the
Bacher
academy could decipher it.
then sought to have It copied, but no
copyist capable of deciphering It was
to be found. As a last resource he de
termined to dictate his work to an
amanuensis only to discover that the
greater part of the manuscript was
illegible even to himself. Tbe thought
of his wasted years of labor unhinged
his brain, and In a lit of depression he
committed suicide.
.a»
Agents for the Great Western Saw
ALEX McNAIR CO
The Most
a
<
Reliable Merchants in Tillamook County
r.
a
I
Tillamook
:
Lumber Manufacturing Compy.
Manufacturers of
Going Baek a Long Way.
Pick up any peerage book and you
Will find it bristling with ancestral
names whose presence is much more
difficult to explain than that of the fly
in tbe amber. And as you descend in
tbe social scale tbe fictions multiply—
from tbe pedigrees of tbe landed gentry
to the family trees proudly cherished In
hundreds of middle class homes. But
these lineages, aspiring as they are.
are of mushroom growth compared
with many that are claimed with seem
ing honesty. At Mostyn hall you may
see a vellum roll, seven yards long,
beaded by no less famous an ancestor
than “Adam, son of God.” Another
pedigree at the college of heralds
starts thus modestly with Adam and
the garden of Eden, and Wales bas
many a family tree which traces
scent with unerring hand from the
same remote origin.
KILN DRY FLOORING, CEILING, RUSTIC AND
FINISHED LUMBER.
ALL KINDS OF
MOULDINGS,
We Make the Best CHEESE BOXES for Tillamook
County’s Most Famous Cheese.
The Best Equipped Saw Mill in the County.
Experienced
First Class Lumber of the
Quality.
LET US
ON
BILL.
What Became of the Trousers.
New Machinery,
Workmen and
Fishing Without Bait
Of Judge Parry's many stories of tbe
On the Nadoo creek, at Hukow, we
The Medicine Bottle.
Manchester county court that about
Best
saw a novel way of fishing. Two
In order to avert the most serious tbe comedy of a man's Sunday trousers
small boats were moving parallel with thing of having a child take the wrong Is one of tbe best. In the plaintiff's
FIGURE
YOUR LUMBER
each other about thirty feet apart. medicine, mothers should adhere to tbe box was a woman, in tbe defendant's
The ends of a line about sixty feet following rules:
u
an elderly collier. Tbe plaintiff stated
long to which small unbaited hooka
Never give medicine in the dark.
her case: “I lent yon mon’s missis my
were attached about four inches apart
Always read the label on the bottle.
moi'« Sunday trousers to pay 'is rent
to two sticks were held respectively
Never go by tbe color of tbe medi with, an’ I want ’em back.” The de
by a man In each boat. As the boats cine.
fendant at first replied. "There’s nowt
moved slowly along first one man and
When the bottle is refilled see that in It at all.” Pressed for a more defi
then the other would give his stick a the label reada clear.
nite reply, be scowled at the judge and
jerk.
Immediately that tbe hooka
Keep poisons locked up.
protested, “Why, the 'ole street knows
"«MN®
struck anything tbe line was gradu
Keep all bottles locked up in a draw all about them trousers." But Judge
ally hauled in and invariably with er or medicine chest
Parry
was
not
tbe
“
’
ole
street,
”
and
success. We saw fish struck four out
Mistakes of giving children carbolic he patiently encouraged tbe defendant
of live times, many of them running
J. P. ALiUBN. Proprietor
acid and anch like poisons in the night to talk until be got the explanation.
apparently from half a pound to two
wear well
time make it Imperative that mothers “Why, yon woman ’an my missis drank
or more ponnds. It may be that Chi
and they keep you
study and adhere to these rules, for them Sunday trousers”—Westminster
na is the only place in tbe world
sometimes such inadvertent mistakes Gazette.
dry while you are
where fish are caught with unbaited
bring about terrible conclusions.—Cin
wearing them
hooks.—North China News.
Special Attention paid to Tourists.
cinnati Commercial Tribune.
Catching Cuttlefish.
■$300
Cuttlefish require deft handling. Tbe
EVEPYWHEPE
Custom House Humor.
A
Hirst
Class
Table.
Comfortable
Beds
and
Accommodation.
In an English Hotel.
bait, which consists of a rough chunk
Two Germans who were crossing tbe
Proprietor (addressing porter?—Was of fish fastened to a book or even tied
GUAMHTFTD WATFWMQf
Luxembourg frontier declared to the
CAXALOC mu
\
the American pleased with bla room, to a string, is not dropped over the
customs officials: “We have with us
William?
side to be swallowed, but to excite the
three bottles of red wine each. How
K J T ower C o . bostom USA.
William—Now. I wouldn't bexactly gustatory organs of tbe cutties and to
Towt» C anadian C o . umitid , tomonyo . C am
much Is there to pay?"
s’y that. sir. 'E looked as if there be slowly pulled up until those mol
“Where Is It?” was asked.
might be something that wasn’t just to lusks have reached the surface in a
“Well, Inside us."
’la liking, but I gathered from ’is re vain attempt to embrace it with their
The official gravely looked at bis tar
marks that ’a found it hunusually com long arms. Then in a moment a gaff
iff book and read: “Wine In casks, 20
is plunged into the leathery mantle of
fortable.
shillings: in bottles, 48 shillings; In
Proprietor—Well, what did ha say the would be diner, and the creature
donkeys' bides, free. Gentlemen," be
is unceremoniously flung into the boat
about it?
OPPOSITE THE ALLEN HOUSE.
r.dded. looking up, “you can go."—Der
William- ’E said it was cowlder than
Guttemplar.
Hie Qualifications.
’ell, sir.—Judge.
Corner Stillwell Ave. and Firs
Boiler Work. Logger’s Work and Heavy Forging
Writing to tbe leader of a string or
St. West, ami both Phones.
Not on Hio Tomboteno.
chestra. an aspirant for a position wns
A Wiseacre.
Fine Machine Work a Hpeclalty.
"What did be die ofT'
requested to state his qualifications.
Tommy—What is an acre, dad?
PEOIALTf IN ALL KIND OF CAKES
"A slight difference of opinion, as
TILLAMOOK,
OREGON.
Complying by mail, be said, among
"Four roods.”
ALL KIND OF BREAD.
near as I can find out.”
other things:
"What is a rood, dad?”
"Oh. a fight?"
Tours rec'4
I can play ths fiddle end
"Forty square rods. |>oles or perches ”
“Not at all."
some on trombosn. also stllyfoan
Have
"What is a wiseacre, dad?”
played
fioot
at
partlee.
but prefer plckleos
thi
"What, then?”
“One who kee|>s a spare rod, pole or Reept .
O M
“Doctors disagreed, and he died be perch to apply to a boy who asks use
CURE THE LUNGS
P 8.—Have taken twelve lessons on
fore they settled it"—London Tit-Bits. less questions Fetch me my raae'”— the gator Would be willing to teach my
self the cornlt.
Terma, union rsHa
I x, nd on Answers.
Reep« .
O M.
A Memorable Occasion.
-New York Press.
There should be order in all things
Off the Lino.
For instance, on one occasion we dis
"What became of Buts' educated
The Iowa Bred Prize Winning Ttotting Stallion and
covered that the proper method la to goat?"
A Doubla Barreled Qriavanoe.
producer of large sized high classed prize
“
What
la
Smith's
grievance
against
hook her party gown first and fix tbe
“He had to dispose of it”
tbe railway company?”
fnrnace afterward. Reversing the or
"What was tbe trouble?”
Winning Colts ; and
der coat as *32.60 for a new gown and
“He baa two grievance«. One of
“The neighbors thought tbe gost was
spoiled her whole evening besides.— learning too many human accomplish I them la that some of thè traina don't
AMD ALL {HROAT ABD LUNG TROUBLtl.
I'etroil Free Preaa.
ments. and there was a crisis when tbe atop at bla station and tbe other that
GUARANTEED
SATISFACTORY
animal began to take In trashing.”— after be reta la tbe traina they loss
Oh. MONEY REFUNDED.
time
by
etofiping
at
other
stations
’
"
—
The Peer Doctors.
Augusta Herald
"When a man dies, is an Inquest al
Loudoa Telegraph.
ways held?”
“Oh. no! if a doctor has bees In at
HeHing the Diagnosis.
The North Dakota Bred Trotting Stallion of large size,
tendance tbe coroner Is not supposed
Doctor—By dear lady, you are la
•o have Inquired Into rhe cause of tbe
perfect health. 1 can’t find a thing the fine action and kind disposition, and of the very highest breed-
matter with you.
Patient—I wish ing; and »tire to become one of the greatest «ire« of this coast,
death.”—Toledo Blade
you'd try again, doctor. I de so want
During th® past 36 years no rem
will be in Tillamook City about the first of June and remain two
to go away le recuperate -Century
edy has proven more prompt or
months
f
more effectual in Ito cure® of
The Best Hotel.
THE ALLEN HOUSE,
SLICKERS
Headquarters for Travelling Men
VIERECK,
Tillamook Bakery,
I Tillamook Iron Works
'
I
General Machinists à Blacksmiths.
I
wJ »
4
KILL
MAJOR
WEITZEL,
Registered No, 33271.
couch
ano
w™ Dr. King’s
New Discovery
FORCES?3
LORD REX,
Registered No. 48862
Chamberlain's
Cough Remedy
TERMS
on either Stallion f 30.00 to insure with foal ;
I jc . oo for colt one week old.
«
■.I
There
than ‘ stallion«.
1
is merit in quality, and here it is In both these
Yonr* for butineas,
E. F. ROGERS, v.s
Coughs. Colds and Crouo
tbao Chamberlain's Cough Bamedy la
many bomea It la railed upon aa ta>.
plldtly aa the family physician Leon,
tains no opium or otbsr narootto, and
maybe given aa confidently to a baby
as to an adult. Frtoa 3fts; Urge alar Ma