TILLAMOOK HEADLIGET, MAY 25. 1011 w Grinned Inte Matrimony. That grinning matches were an ac cepted form of sport in early English days la shown by an advertisement announcing a gold ring to be grinned for by men on Oct. 8 at the Bwau. Coleshill heath, Warwickshire, which appeared in tbe Post-Boy of Sept. 17, 1711. Addison gives a detailed ac count of one of these "controversies of faces,” telling us that tbe audience unanimously bestowed tbe ring on a coobler who “produced several new grins of bls own invention, having been used to cut faces for many years together over his last.” His performance was something like thia: "At tbe very first grin be cast every human feature out of his coun tenance. at the second he simulated tbe face of a spout, at the^tbtrd that of a baboon, at the fourth tbe bead of a baas viol and at the fifth a pair of nut crackers.” Addison adds that a comely wench whom be had wooed In vain for more than, five years was so charmed with hip grins that she mar ried him the inflowing week, the cob bler using the prize as his wedding ring. Powerful Dulls. During a debate upon the second reading of the Irish land bill in 1890 Lord Londonderry concluded a period with: "This is the keystone of tbe bill. Are you going to kill it?” Sir Frederick Milner, speaking on the budget, said, "A cow may be drain ed dry, and if chancellors of tbe ex- < liequer persist in meeting every de ficiency that occurs by taxtDg the brewing and distilling industry they will Inevitably kill the cow that lays the golden milk!” Lord Curzon—"The interests of tbe employers nnd employed are the same nine times out of ten —I will even say ninety-nine times out of ten!" Discussing Mr. Asquith's licensing bill at a meeting at Shoreditch, a mem ber of parliament roused tbe audience to a frenzy of enthusiasm by declaring that "the time has come to atrip to the waist and tuck up our shirt •sleeves!” What la Electricity? Many persons young and old often wonder how tbe modern electric cars, trains and locomotives are operated and what electricity is. No one knows what electricity ia. We know some of tbe things that it will do. We have to a certain extent learned how to con trol it and for want of a better name cal) it a fluid. We have discovered. too, that it is one of tbe most impor tant forces, if not the most important force, of which we have any knowl edge. We are almost as ignorant of many other great forces of nature—as, for example, tbe attraction of gravita tion. For the present we must be con tent to observe such forces in action and to devise the best methods to con trol them. In this knowledge mankind has progressed wonderfully within a few years.—St. Nicholas. Buried In Soerot. Ths Burglar’s Umbrella Among a collection of articles used Two ancient kings were buried In se by burglars when engaged in their ne farious calling la one particular con trivance that arouses great interest In appearance it resembles a large umbrella that baa seen bard aervlce. It was formerly the property of a bur glar, and it was by its means that be was able to enter tbe second story of a building. Removing tbe cover, a stick wound with ropes is revealed. The stick opens like a telescope or a joint ed fishing rod. Wound round it la a rope ladder made of strong material and about thirteen feet in length. The ladder is only wide enough for one foot to be placed on tbe rungs. Tbe extending stick was used to raise one end of tbe ladder to tbe window through which tbe operator wished to enter, and on tbe upper end of tbe ladder are two books to be fastened to tbe Bill. This Imitation umbrella is regarded as one of the most Ingenious affairs ever made use of by a thief.— London Standard. cret Attila, king of the Huns, afaer bla siege of Rome, died in Hungary A. D 463. His soldiers, desirous of giving their great leader a right royal burial, Inclosed his body first in u casket of gold, this in one of silver and this in one of lead, and transported it into a desert There slaves were ae lected, and under tbe direction of men who were sworn to secrecy they dug the grsve of tbe dead monarch. When this was accomplished no traces of the spot were left. The slaves were all cruelly slain. Alaric, king of the Goths, tbe cele brated conqueror of Rome, died when with his army at Cosenxa, south Italy. His men turned tbe course of a river, interred tbe body of their sovereign, with much treasure, in Its bed and restored the stream to its channel. No man has ever lighted on tbe rest ing place of either of these kings, who in this respect resemble Moses, of whom it is written, “No man knoweth of his sepulcher unto this day.” Took the Shilling. A recruiting sergeant one day met an ignorant youth idling, with bls bands in his pockets and standing before a bouse on tbe front of which was a notice informing tbe public that the building was to be sold. Tbe notice ran thus: "To Be Sold, by Private Treaty.” Tbe sergeant approached tbe youth and asked him if be had ever thought of joining tbe army. “Not me,” was tbe reply. "You’d have nothing in the army worth talk ing about.” “Is that so?” said the other. “Well, bow is it then Private Treaty has n house for sale and him only a private yet?” The youth looked thoughtful and puzzled, and presently, over a pint of ale, the possibility of owning a bouse by joining tbe army grew into a cer tainty and the shilling changed hands. —London Tit-Bits. Wonderful Animaloulaa. Of all the minute creatures that in habit this globe unseen by the naked eye there is none so astonlahln,.', ac cording to the Scientific American, as the little living things that live in stagnant water. They are called slip per animalculae. or, aa the scientist has It, tbe paramecium. These tiny. Invisible things develop to rapidly that if they were able to live through 860 generations they would crowd every other living thing off the face of the earth and form a mass larger than the planet itaelf. Should they go on re producing until the nine hundredth generation theee little creaturee would form a mass large enough to crowd the moon and stars and even the sun entirely out of space. Luckily for us this is not possible, according to na ture’s decree. The paramecium dies after it has attained the one hundred and seventieth generation, and so the awfnl posslbtlltiea are checked of its multiplying to fill the universe. 'S HEADQUARTERS FOR ( | ) j ' ; DAIRYMEN'S SUPPLIES AND i STEEL STOVES & RANCES. 1 : ja U! * 1 We carry a Large Stock of Tinware, Glass Hardware, and China, Oils, Paint, Varnish, Doors, Window Sashes, § Died From Bad Writing German bandwriting attains a de- gree of Illegibility unknown In Latin script. A tragic Instance of this fact was afforded by tbe death of Johann Bacber, an Austrian musician of tbe last century. Bacber spent most of I bls leisure for fifteen years in compil ing a history of the Viennese opera. When the manuscript was completed he submitted it to tbe Imperial acad emy. which had promised to publish It. In three months it was returned with a statement that no member of the Bacher academy could decipher it. then sought to have It copied, but no copyist capable of deciphering It was to be found. As a last resource he de termined to dictate his work to an amanuensis only to discover that the greater part of the manuscript was illegible even to himself. Tbe thought of his wasted years of labor unhinged his brain, and In a lit of depression he committed suicide. .a» Agents for the Great Western Saw ALEX McNAIR CO The Most a < Reliable Merchants in Tillamook County r. a I Tillamook : Lumber Manufacturing Compy. Manufacturers of Going Baek a Long Way. Pick up any peerage book and you Will find it bristling with ancestral names whose presence is much more difficult to explain than that of the fly in tbe amber. And as you descend in tbe social scale tbe fictions multiply— from tbe pedigrees of tbe landed gentry to the family trees proudly cherished In hundreds of middle class homes. But these lineages, aspiring as they are. are of mushroom growth compared with many that are claimed with seem ing honesty. At Mostyn hall you may see a vellum roll, seven yards long, beaded by no less famous an ancestor than “Adam, son of God.” Another pedigree at the college of heralds starts thus modestly with Adam and the garden of Eden, and Wales bas many a family tree which traces scent with unerring hand from the same remote origin. KILN DRY FLOORING, CEILING, RUSTIC AND FINISHED LUMBER. ALL KINDS OF MOULDINGS, We Make the Best CHEESE BOXES for Tillamook County’s Most Famous Cheese. The Best Equipped Saw Mill in the County. Experienced First Class Lumber of the Quality. LET US ON BILL. What Became of the Trousers. New Machinery, Workmen and Fishing Without Bait Of Judge Parry's many stories of tbe On the Nadoo creek, at Hukow, we The Medicine Bottle. Manchester county court that about Best saw a novel way of fishing. Two In order to avert the most serious tbe comedy of a man's Sunday trousers small boats were moving parallel with thing of having a child take the wrong Is one of tbe best. In the plaintiff's FIGURE YOUR LUMBER each other about thirty feet apart. medicine, mothers should adhere to tbe box was a woman, in tbe defendant's The ends of a line about sixty feet following rules: u an elderly collier. Tbe plaintiff stated long to which small unbaited hooka Never give medicine in the dark. her case: “I lent yon mon’s missis my were attached about four inches apart Always read the label on the bottle. moi'« Sunday trousers to pay 'is rent to two sticks were held respectively Never go by tbe color of tbe medi with, an’ I want ’em back.” The de by a man In each boat. As the boats cine. fendant at first replied. "There’s nowt moved slowly along first one man and When the bottle is refilled see that in It at all.” Pressed for a more defi then the other would give his stick a the label reada clear. nite reply, be scowled at the judge and jerk. Immediately that tbe hooka Keep poisons locked up. protested, “Why, the 'ole street knows "«MN® struck anything tbe line was gradu Keep all bottles locked up in a draw all about them trousers." But Judge ally hauled in and invariably with er or medicine chest Parry was not tbe “ ’ ole street, ” and success. We saw fish struck four out Mistakes of giving children carbolic he patiently encouraged tbe defendant of live times, many of them running J. P. ALiUBN. Proprietor acid and anch like poisons in the night to talk until be got the explanation. apparently from half a pound to two wear well time make it Imperative that mothers “Why, yon woman ’an my missis drank or more ponnds. It may be that Chi and they keep you study and adhere to these rules, for them Sunday trousers”—Westminster na is the only place in tbe world sometimes such inadvertent mistakes Gazette. dry while you are where fish are caught with unbaited bring about terrible conclusions.—Cin wearing them hooks.—North China News. Special Attention paid to Tourists. cinnati Commercial Tribune. Catching Cuttlefish. ■$300 Cuttlefish require deft handling. Tbe EVEPYWHEPE Custom House Humor. A Hirst Class Table. Comfortable Beds and Accommodation. In an English Hotel. bait, which consists of a rough chunk Two Germans who were crossing tbe Proprietor (addressing porter?—Was of fish fastened to a book or even tied GUAMHTFTD WATFWMQf Luxembourg frontier declared to the CAXALOC mu \ the American pleased with bla room, to a string, is not dropped over the customs officials: “We have with us William? side to be swallowed, but to excite the three bottles of red wine each. How K J T ower C o . bostom USA. William—Now. I wouldn't bexactly gustatory organs of tbe cutties and to Towt» C anadian C o . umitid , tomonyo . C am much Is there to pay?" s’y that. sir. 'E looked as if there be slowly pulled up until those mol “Where Is It?” was asked. might be something that wasn’t just to lusks have reached the surface in a “Well, Inside us." ’la liking, but I gathered from ’is re vain attempt to embrace it with their The official gravely looked at bis tar marks that ’a found it hunusually com long arms. Then in a moment a gaff iff book and read: “Wine In casks, 20 is plunged into the leathery mantle of fortable. shillings: in bottles, 48 shillings; In Proprietor—Well, what did ha say the would be diner, and the creature donkeys' bides, free. Gentlemen," be is unceremoniously flung into the boat about it? OPPOSITE THE ALLEN HOUSE. r.dded. looking up, “you can go."—Der William- ’E said it was cowlder than Guttemplar. Hie Qualifications. ’ell, sir.—Judge. Corner Stillwell Ave. and Firs Boiler Work. Logger’s Work and Heavy Forging Writing to tbe leader of a string or St. West, ami both Phones. Not on Hio Tomboteno. chestra. an aspirant for a position wns A Wiseacre. Fine Machine Work a Hpeclalty. "What did be die ofT' requested to state his qualifications. Tommy—What is an acre, dad? PEOIALTf IN ALL KIND OF CAKES "A slight difference of opinion, as TILLAMOOK, OREGON. Complying by mail, be said, among "Four roods.” ALL KIND OF BREAD. near as I can find out.” other things: "What is a rood, dad?” "Oh. a fight?" Tours rec'4 I can play ths fiddle end "Forty square rods. |>oles or perches ” “Not at all." some on trombosn. also stllyfoan Have "What is a wiseacre, dad?” played fioot at partlee. but prefer plckleos thi "What, then?” “One who kee|>s a spare rod, pole or Reept . O M “Doctors disagreed, and he died be perch to apply to a boy who asks use CURE THE LUNGS P 8.—Have taken twelve lessons on fore they settled it"—London Tit-Bits. less questions Fetch me my raae'”— the gator Would be willing to teach my self the cornlt. Terma, union rsHa I x, nd on Answers. Reep« . O M. A Memorable Occasion. -New York Press. There should be order in all things Off the Lino. For instance, on one occasion we dis "What became of Buts' educated The Iowa Bred Prize Winning Ttotting Stallion and covered that the proper method la to goat?" A Doubla Barreled Qriavanoe. producer of large sized high classed prize “ What la Smith's grievance against hook her party gown first and fix tbe “He had to dispose of it” tbe railway company?” fnrnace afterward. Reversing the or "What was tbe trouble?” Winning Colts ; and der coat as *32.60 for a new gown and “He baa two grievance«. One of “The neighbors thought tbe gost was spoiled her whole evening besides.— learning too many human accomplish I them la that some of thè traina don't AMD ALL {HROAT ABD LUNG TROUBLtl. I'etroil Free Preaa. ments. and there was a crisis when tbe atop at bla station and tbe other that GUARANTEED SATISFACTORY animal began to take In trashing.”— after be reta la tbe traina they loss Oh. MONEY REFUNDED. time by etofiping at other stations ’ " — The Peer Doctors. Augusta Herald "When a man dies, is an Inquest al Loudoa Telegraph. ways held?” “Oh. no! if a doctor has bees In at HeHing the Diagnosis. The North Dakota Bred Trotting Stallion of large size, tendance tbe coroner Is not supposed Doctor—By dear lady, you are la •o have Inquired Into rhe cause of tbe perfect health. 1 can’t find a thing the fine action and kind disposition, and of the very highest breed- matter with you. Patient—I wish ing; and »tire to become one of the greatest «ire« of this coast, death.”—Toledo Blade you'd try again, doctor. I de so want During th® past 36 years no rem will be in Tillamook City about the first of June and remain two to go away le recuperate -Century edy has proven more prompt or months f more effectual in Ito cure® of The Best Hotel. THE ALLEN HOUSE, SLICKERS Headquarters for Travelling Men VIERECK, Tillamook Bakery, I Tillamook Iron Works ' I General Machinists à Blacksmiths. I wJ » 4 KILL MAJOR WEITZEL, Registered No, 33271. couch ano w™ Dr. King’s New Discovery FORCES?3 LORD REX, Registered No. 48862 Chamberlain's Cough Remedy TERMS on either Stallion f 30.00 to insure with foal ; I jc . oo for colt one week old. « ■.I There than ‘ stallion«. 1 is merit in quality, and here it is In both these Yonr* for butineas, E. F. ROGERS, v.s Coughs. Colds and Crouo tbao Chamberlain's Cough Bamedy la many bomea It la railed upon aa ta>. plldtly aa the family physician Leon, tains no opium or otbsr narootto, and maybe given aa confidently to a baby as to an adult. Frtoa 3fts; Urge alar Ma