TluCAMOOK HEADLIG-hT,
How to Open a Can of Com.
One of tbe smallest of the little girt*
y pretty maldT'
In a West Philadelphia family bad of­
sir.'' she said,
pretty maid?”
ten assisted her mother in preparing I
■' she said.
the meals. She observed that her
mother, who was rather hasty, always
Letty maid?”
sir." she said,
talked to herself when she had any
tty maid?”
difficulty in opening cans of vegetables.
she said.
Tbe little girl thought that the hasti­
Ions, my pretty ness was a part of tbe operation.
"One day she was visiting a neigh­
ow.” she said
bor
and went into the kitchen to help
is fashion, my
prepare a meal.
Ir," she said.
| She watched the neighbor take a can
of corn, apply the opener and remove
me. my pretty
the top.
,
church?" she I “That’s not the way to open a can of
corn,” said tbe little girl.
y pretty maid
“Why. what other way Is there?”
bled, kind sir.
asked the neighbor.
Plain Dealer.
"Well, you take the can of corn and
start to open it. and then you bear
<ed.
dowu and tbe opener slips. Then you
” we Inquire say ‘Darn this can!' and finish it.
I tbe inventor, That's the way.my mother opens a can
which cover of corn.”—Philadelphia Times.
aeroplane," he
Tbe Syrian patrol halted before tbe
open window of tbe khan's captive, a
girl from tbe hills.
“A message from my lord tbe kban.”
said be. saluting, and laid upuu tbe
edge of tbe lattice a spray of almond.
The girl ripjied off the delicate blos­
soms and banded back tbe barren
twigs.
“The answer,” she said. — Youth's
Companion.
Only a pair of dark brown eyes;
Only a dimple sweet;
Only the clouded autumn skies;
Only a muddy street.
Only a glance from the eyes of brown;
Only a friendly smile;
Only a maid in a fetching gown;
Only a bit of guile.
Only a boy with an ardent heart;
Only a gust of rain;
Only a glance at a taxi cart;
Only a sudden pain.
Only a deeply anxious thrill;
Only a frown of rue:
Only a lone lorn dollar bill;
Only a swift skiddoo!
—Harper's Weekly.
DECEMBER 20, 1910
I
Mated.
Any one with half an eye could see
that he was madly lu love with her.
but be bad uot courage enough to pul
bis fate to (lie test. But she was a
young lady wbo kuew ber way about,
as tbe saying goes, and oue night «he
suggested a game of chess. He. |ioor
fellow, eagerly swallowed tlie bait. If
he was a novice at lovemaking be was
certainly no uovtee at chess, iiud be
soou bad tbe fair maid bupeletwlj
beaten
“Ah!" he exclaimed as he put ber in
a hopiless corner "You're iu a tight
corner now. Miss Maliel."
She looked at bliu with those beauti­
ful eyes of Ilers and tbeu said:
”1 hadn’t noticed uuy compression
George. Have I no escape?"
"None whatever." said tbe guileless
George. "I shall mate you next move.“
"Oh. George!” said she. with a be­
coming blush. "Er—hadn't you better
ask father first ?'
They are married now. and George
ofteu wonders if she is as dense at
chess as she would make him believe.
Diamond* to Lampblack.
You may purchase equal quantities
Tommy—I only wlsht 1 was presi­
Lincoln With Hi* Children.
of carbon for 5 cents or a million dot- dent of the tiu trust.
It was a frequent custom of Lincoln,
lai's. A bargain hunter might Invest
His Mother—Why. what would you this of carrying his children ou his
a nickel and get a package of pure do?
sboulder. He rarely weut down street
lampblack. Tbe million would securea
Tommy—I'd make all the |de and that be did not bave one of bis young­
blazing diamond, easily turned into cake pans bigger.—Milwaukee Sell- er boy* mounted on bis shoulder, while
I
lampblack; not so easily—intense heat tinel.
another bung to tbe tail of bls long
would be required. However, coal
coat The antic* of tbe boys with
ihments.
A bathing maid one afternoon
and wood are really more valuable
tbelr father and the specie* of tyrauny
* or dance,
Took a cramp in a lagoon.
than diamonds. They surrender life
lallad.
they exercised over him are still sub­
Crocodile a-loaflng round
giving beat, while the only use so far
lets of France
Saved her, though, from being drowned.
jects of talk in Springfield. Mr. Ro­
id.
discovered for diamonds is to cut
—Pathfinder.
land Diller, who was a neighbor of
it Free Press.
glass, and for this carborundum is a
Mr. Lincoln, told one of the best of
Another maid we knew right well
good
substitute.
All
diamouds
In
ex
­
mot cook,
the stories. He was called to the door
Fell In a thirty-five foot well.
istence could be annihilated without
rt.
At last we raised her with a crank
one day by bearing a great noise of
tads a book.
And saved the maid from being drank.
loss to mankind: but. then, to vapor­
children crying, and there was Mr.
—
Boston
Herald.
ize diamouds would be costly, as the
Lincoln striding by with the boys, both
■w York Mali.
enormous beat of 12.(132 degrees F.
of whom were walling aloud. "Why.
“Have a cigarette?”
11 end.
in the concentration of an electric fur-
Mr. Lincoln, what's tbe matter with
“That's illegal In this state.”
will wabble,
uace would be required, and then you
tbe boys?" he asked.
Baking good
game
of
crib-
“
Suppose
we
start
a
might get enough graphite to make a
lobbie!
"Just what's the matter with tbe
lead pencil or a little fine stove jiollsh. bage.”
>rs Statesman.
whole world." Lincoln replied. “I've
That
’
s
illegal
“
Hardly
worth
while.
- Edgar Lucien Iatrkiu In Nautilus.
In the next state.”—Washington Her­ got three walnuts and each wants
she*.
two.” — From Tarbell’s "Life of Lin«
ald.
her Williams,
Mystery of ths Egg.
coin.”
liuess.”
An egg for one thing is a succession “He weighed Just twenty pounds, egad!”
of lings, bagged up in oue another, a
The fisherman was saying.
Paying For Extra*.
W’y. only las’ series of envelopes enveloped In one 'Twas true, but he forgot to add
In one of the luxurious golf club
The coal man did the weighing.
►ossuuis on de another, bags and envelopes without
bouses in the south of England a visi*
—New York Time*.
ily me ter eat Joints, seams or openings. Puzzles,
tor approached tbe steward and asked
Imit dat I felt ships built up and full rigged In bot­
“It's simply awful when city police­ for a luncheon ticket
risin’ up an’ tles. flies in amber, are simply simplic­
“Five shillings,” said tbe official.
men are cruel to animals.”
settlement.”— ity itself as puzzles when It comes to
“That's rather a lot. Isn't It?” inquir­
“Now what's tbe trouble. Miranda?”
how these bags wrap one another up.
“Nearly every day we read about ed tbe visitor.
bag lu bag. In a hen's egg thei'e are some big, burly policeman who has
"A lot? Think of the cost of this
eight or nine or ten of the sacks in been pinching some |ioor, defenseless club. See those pictures? They're
town this way. sacks ensacked.
worth thousands of pounds. And those
Everybody thinks be blind tiger.”—Youngstown Telegram.
was Say.
tapestries? Their value Is simply
knows what an egg is, and after weary
es high
enormous.”
reading and study in many languages Today I looked my summer relics o’er.
lax would cry,
t Brother Do
On the following day the visitor
lie only begins to learn that nobody The relics 1 had gathered at the shore.
ike things new. knows a tiny fraction of all tbe world There was the fluffy curl from Lucy's again naked for a luncheon ticket and
head,
tendered half a crown.
still would cry: of secrets and mysteries bidden In au An emblem of a love which now is dead.
“I've already told you. sir." said tbe
low that I
egg. “As full of meat as au egg” is There was the ruby ring that thrifty Bess
i the day
steward, “that the charge Is live shil­
not the true comparison, but “as full Returned to me, as I was penniless. •
Irother Say.
There was the lily, now so dry and sear.
lings."
of mystery as an egg” Is ueurer tbe Once
he was hid:
watered by Leona's gushing tear.
“Ye*. I know." was the reply, “but 1
truth. Eggs are the greatest puzzle in I And there was Dell's kejp» hatpin, which
ways did
only want half a crown'« worth today.
itian Register.
had made
all nations.—New York Press.
A puncture deep in my poor shoulder
I saw tbe picture* and tbe tapestries
blade.
yesterday.”—World of Golf.
sseed.
Poor Pay, Poor Preach.
Oh, Lucy, Bess, Leona. Dell, the shore
tbe increased
Once upon a time there was an In- Has known me once, but will know me no
it keeps you dian named Big Smoke. A white man.
more!
Dynamite.
—Chicago News.
ut people’s encountering Big Smoke, asked him
Tbe action of dynamite is compare
lively precise. Tbe tiring point Is 180
what be did for a living.
"Yes." said the clubhouse bore. “I
it does! And
“Vmpb!” said Big Smoke,
Me suppose 1 owe some of my success to degrees C. At that temperature It
lou’t appear on preach.”
either burns or explode*. If free from
the fact that we've been golfers in our all pressure. Jar, vibration or force of
f these hungry
"That so? What do you get for
fumlly
for
generations.
I
was
recent
­
y Magazine.
any kind it merely burn*. That la
preaching?”
ly looking up my ancestral tree”—
bow It comes about that one can burn
“Me git ten dollar a year.”
“Did they throw any nuts?” asked dynamite safely In tbe band If all
Woman.
“Well.” said tbe white man. “that’s
the quiet man lu the corner.—World of conditions be wholly favorable. But
ty to “Mother d---- d poor pay.”
any least vibration from such requi­
“Uniph!” said Big Smoke, "Me Golf.
. as I’ve heard
site« will cause an explosion, which Is
d---- d poor preach!”
It give* a married man the chill*
an excellent reason for avoiding too
So runs the world—poor pay, poor
eggs fur to sell,
And chronic blue*
intimate ventures with tbe compound
id sold them so preach.—Minneapolis Tribune.
When marriage merely run* to bill*
Instead of coo*.
When Ignited in small quantities In
p. and now she
—Pittsburg Port.
tbe open air dynamite does nothing
“Eating Crow."
more startling than to burn flercely.
—Judge.
The term “eating crow” comes from
Dorothy was entering kindergarten.
an ante-Revolutlonary story. A soldier It was ber firat day at Hc’bool. and her When, however, larger quantities are
I of an English regiment stationed in
Ignited explosion almost invariably re­
entitled to bis Virginia shot a pet crow belonging to a name bad been registered.
sults, as tbe temperature Is raised by
“Have you any brothers or sisters T* tbe flames.—Chicago liecord-lierald.
fanner. Tbe latter entered a com­
hie I m that a plaint with tbe colonel, wbo sentenced the teacher asked.
“Yes. ma’am.” answered Dorothy.
r get ov, r th«* the soldier to eat tbe crow. The farm­
Old Tima Carving.
“And are you tbe oldest?”
luire titles tu er was left alone with tbe soldier to
An ancient book on carving aays
“
Ob.
no,
ma
’
am,
”
she
said.
“
Pa
and
■“Chicago Rec- see that he did it. After the soldier
that tbe only meats that were “carv­
ma's both older ’n me.”—Philadelphia ed" were mutton and beef. You bail
had consumed a portion of the bird Times.
to "break a deer, rear a goose, lift a
he took bis gun. presented It at »be
■wan. Muce a capon, «poll a beu.
nc.
There was a man in our town.
farmer and told him to eat the re­
fruah a chicken, unbrace a mallard,
It's all for the
A im ! he was wondrous rash.
mainder of tbe crow or be would shoot
He voted for a Republican
unlace a cony, dismount a heron, dis­
him. This was tbe origin of tbe eat­
And thus lost half hto cash.
play a crane, disfigure a peacock, un-
ing crow story.
Jolnt a bittern, untack a curlew, slays
And when he found what he had done.
pie.
a pheasant, wing a partridge or a
A* guileless as a calf.
Didn’t Aw* Him.
It Free Frees.
He voted for a I democrat
quail, mince a plover, thigh a pigeon
The members of ■ Greek letter fra­
And lost the other half.
or any other small bird am! border a
—Succeee Magaslrx
ternity from a southern university
game pie.”
__ _____
were
being
shown
through
tbe
library
Jd man! Yon
“John. I understand that you have
of
congress.
They
were
apparently
■treei? Why.
Fascination of Golf.
stricken dumb with admiration of tbe been saying mean things about me to
u low ?
"Pre 'eard of Nero ■ playing on 'I*
your
acquaintances.
”
*ife wouldn't beauties of tbe building. But tbe at­
“Why. dearest, everybody knows tddle. *ir. when 'I* 'ome was »-burn
•e. -»Teieiaud mosphere of awe »1» dissipated when that Isn't so. Why. 1 tell everybody
- Mid the landlady, putting dowu
one of tbe party, a red beaded youth,
that It la you that have made me what tbe local paper, “but this 'ere game of
exclaimed fervently:
golf must be tbe moat faaklnating
' ”Gee.
it««.
-—. fellows!
—----- ! Wouldn't thia make I am."
•abby In tbe world. I've been reading
-Houston
“
That's
what
I
mean.'
a
dandy
*<1 or pto?
frat bouse?"—St. Louis Re
about tbe Ore up at tbe golf ground
Post
poblk?
last Friday, and it «ay*. 'Tbe fire brl
mud, rudes
gndea promptly respond«! to tbe call,
When the earth's last picture to painted
City Journal.
And the tubes are 1«toted and dried
and when darkneaa cloned Io they srr«
the
Borne one will kodak the bridegroom.
atill playing upon tbe ruin* of
But
who
wUl
point
the
bride?
of Cour**.
clubhouse.' "-Golf Illustrated.
Hpokeeman Review.
» bad kerf all
■t?
“Blr.” said tbe Indignant clt¡sen. “I
Fooled Him.
bad a bh-
found a flabwona lu my bydrant this
“Why am I ilka a pl»r **k«d
wcript
morning ” “I'm very *orry ” replied Jone* triumpbautly of bl* wife
tbe complaint clerk, “that we •simot expected abe was going to aay.
afford to supply yon with dah. imt nt cause you are no sharp.' and ba
tbe present low rate for wdter tbe hast ■Imply paralysed wbao she replied
we can do i* to furnish balt "- Boa-
“BerauM If you abould get loat It
wouldn't ba worth while to »pend
ton Bunday Poet
tlma looking for you "
iat you had It
:es and things
>11."
lurt going up.
r limbs of a
Steamer
< h
Sue H. Elmore”
(CAPT P. SCI1RADKR)
MOTOR STEAMER OSHKOSH
(CAP. T. LATHAM).
Tillamook & Portland.
Sail Every Tuesday and Saturday.
Couch St, Wharf, Portland.
“ That's All.”
THE
TILLAMOOK, OREGON.
New Furnishings—Modern Fixtures.
Centrally Located.
Hot and Cold Water on Each Floor.
Meals 35 and 50c.
Beds 35 cents and up according to
Room.
Li rge Ofli 'e, Dining Room and l adies’ Parlor.
Oe't Hotel in Tillamook County.
P. W. Todd, Prop
R. H. Todd, Mgr.
HARNESS, COLLARS, etc
Y ob Use Them.
We Sell Them.
W. A. WILLIAMS « CO.,
Next boor to Tillamook Countv Bnnk.
The Best Place in the City to Buy
CHRISTMAS AHO HEW
YEAR’S PRESENTS
IS AT
EUGENE
JENKINS,
The Reliable Jeweler
A New Line of Handsome
CUT GLASS and HAND
PAINTED CHINA.
Watches and Clocks,
ndid Silver
re,
China and Lockets, Etc
All suitable for Christmas and New Year Presents.
Call in and inspect my stock before the Itest ia sold.
THE TELEPHONE AT CHRISTMAS
f MH ERE is no need for you to be worn out by
I holiday preparations if you make good use of
your telephone.
The Hell telephone companies have found that
just before Christina« the number of dally con­
nections ia the highest for the year. The telephone
has become a necessity of the holiday seaaon,
because without it most |>cof»le would not have
time to do what they have planned.
PACmr Tkl-KPHoNg
TKI.WlltAPH COMPAJTT.
hirers |h-ll Teh-pliotle ia thr Center
<.f thr System.
♦ »
i