1 TILLAMOOK HEADLIGHT, SEPTEMBER 2, 1900, Wouldn’t Bo Fooled Again. A tbepberd once, to prove the qulck- *«■ of bls dog, which was lying be- 1 the fire In the bouse where we Le talking, said to me in the middle , g sentence concerning something else ”1'1“ thinking, sir, the cow la In (I,, potatoes. Though he purposely laid no stress on these words and said them In a «let unconcerned tone of voice, the Jog which appeared to be asleep, tee ' ,y Jumped up and. leaping through the open window, scrambled up to the turf roof of the house, from which he could se* thc Potato fleld- He then, not seeing the cow there, ran and look­ ed into the barn where she was and, flndins that al1 was rlght’ came baacc°mpllslK‘s We ,ulght wel> with Wesley say. “Strange that a harp of a thousand strings should keen in «Xn? 10,‘g ’’ .Estlnia,'’d "> »«entitle fashion, a man s heart in twenty-four hours performs an amount of work Which if represented by the energy de- manded for a big lift would raise 120 tons of weight one foot high. Such a calculaticu can be accurately deter- mined by measuring the force expend ed In one beat or cycle of movement of the heart nnd multiplying the short work Into that of the day. Thus in no small degree does the heart’s labor contribute to swell the big total of the energy the human engine expends each day It live».-New York World. Culinary Courtship. Janet had molded the domestic af­ fairs of the family with whom she lived for so many years that the news of her intended marriage had much the effect of an earthquake. “Have you and David been engaged long?’ ventured the mistress of the house­ hold. “One week when next Sabbath comes.” stated Jauet briefly. “And—and had you any thought of marrying before that?" asked her mis­ tress. “Times I had and times I had not.” said the imperturbable Janet, “as any person will. But a month ago when I gave David a wee bit of the cake I'd been making and he said to me, ‘Janet, have you the recipe firm in your mind, lass, so you could make It if Mrs. Mann's book would be far from your teach?’ I knew well the time was draw­ ing short. “And when,” said Janet, closing her eyes at the recollection, “I said to him. ‘David, lad, the recipe Is copied In a little book of my own,' and I saw the glint In his eye I reckoned 'twould be I within the month he'd ask me." ) An old minister in the south side of Glasgow who was noted for his habit cf dishing up old sermons again and again was one day advertised to ¡ preach in a suburban church at the anniversary service there. An old wo­ man who in days gone by had sat un­ der his ministry, but who had now re­ moved from bls neighborhood, deter­ mined to go la and hear him preach on this particular occasion. After the close of the service she wafted on the ! clergyman, who greeted her cordially ar.d asked what she thought of his dis- rourse. “Eh. man," she refilled can­ didly. "It's a lang time sin’ I first heard ye preach that yin, sir, and I’ve hjard ye at It a guld wheen o’ times sin' syne." “Aye, Janet.” said the minister. “How often do ye think ye’ve heard It, na?” “Oh. nboot a dlzzen o’ times/ sir." she replied. “An' div ye mind It a'!" said the minister. “A wee!, maybe no’ ft a’, sir ” “Weel, I see I’ll need to preach It to ye again, Janet," said the minister, and Janet felt that she had Hippo's Mouth an Impressive Sight. been sold for once. The hippopotamus is a sort of float­ ing island which inhabits the African Settled a Great Question. When Thomas II. Benton was In the rivers. To see a hippopotamus rise out bouse he was of the opinion that the of the water and go away is as discon­ 3d day of March and consequently the certing to the tourist as It would be to congressional term ended at midnight see a sand bar-get out of the Missouri of that day instead of at noon on the river and chase a cow. The hippo­ 4th. as unbroken usage had fixed it. life is too short to write his full name Soon the last morning he sat with his —is a big brother of the pig. He baton, talked loudly, loafed about the weighs five tons, and a gargoyle is floor and finally refused to vote or cute and pretty beside him. He is fat answer to his name when the roll and flabby, covered with a reddish waa called. At last the speaker, the skin adorned with bristles and has a Hon. Jumes L. Orr of South Carolina, broad, flat head as wide as a dluner picked him up and put an end to these table. The meuth of the hippo is an­ other of nature’s African extrava­ legislative larks. “No, sir; no, sir; no, sir!" shouted gances. He has mouth enough to do the venerable Missourian. “I will not the eating for a boys’ boarding school. cote. I have no right to vote, This is His jaws are very flexible, and those no house, and I am not a member of who have gazed Into the inner works of a hippo when he has opened his It." "Then, sir," said Speaker Orr like a vast pink lined mouth, studded here Hash, with his sweetest manner, “If and there with tusks that look like the gentleman Is not a member of this broken off Grecian columns, have been bouse the sergeant at arms will please Impressed with the sight. — Collier's Weekly. put him out." And so this vast constitutional ques­ How Rats Move Eggs. tion settled Itself.—Argonaut. Strange as the story may appear of rats removing hens' eggs from the Handy With an Ax. bottom to the top of a house by one One important feature in connection rat lying on bis back and grasping vltb the conducting of mining opera­ tightly his ovoid burden with his fore tions In Siberia is the aptitude of the paws while his comrades drag him Busslan workman for the ax. Wood is away by the tall, I have no reason, *> plentiful in the country that mln- writes a naturalist, to disbelieve it. I lng timbers may be figured on at a have seen two rats accomplish the rate. The current anecdote that a feat from stair to stair in a farm­ Russian workman will for a twenty house In Banffshire, the first anxious kopeck piece lay his left hand, with Wers spread, on a board and with rodent pushing the egg up on its hind full strength make an ax cut between legs and the second assistant lifting ttch Anger cannot be vouched for, but it up with its fore legs, it was the It Is certainly true that In pick tlmber- best athletic feat I ever witnessed, tn bad ground, in erecting build- but it is not out of the common. The a«s. log caUns and all mauner of rat will extract the contents from a ’W Joining the equal of the Russian flask of Florence oil, dipping In his Feasant cannot be found. — London long tall and repeating the maneuver until he has consumed all that can be Globe. reached. The Word “Bald.” * is believed by at least one writer bat ft is because baldness In women ss nearly always been studiously con- that no gentle way of evading .’‘ blunt word “bald” has been evolv- In contrast with the many wavs ”,,odglng “fat." “Stout” (which L, I,®;eana "turdy), “portly,” "com- sble" and “embonpoint” are in nces of this evasion. But “bald” New«’ remalns ■‘‘»aid." - Chicago Badly Expressed. l ’ Effusively)—How nice It Is to , * Bl*t F0« again after all these B1?’ dear Captain Burlington. ~M,J°r now. That was ten years tn,i kno,r She (still more ef- b ZSLH ow flme We|>- «■o'1- dilations and goodby. I hope you’ll pnn(,h**ntral when next we meet.— ■ He Knew Better. The Steam Engine. Hi» Mistake. The vender of Images, who bad Just been thrown out of a large office build Ing. wept bitterly as he looked at his torn clothes and broken wares. “Who did this?” Inquired the friend ly cop. “I’ll pinch ’em if you say the word.” “No; It was my fault,” said the vic­ tim, gathering up the remains of a plaster Image. “I insisted on trying to sell a bust of Noah Webster to a meet­ ing of simplified spellers.” - Denver Republican. Some Excuee For the Sun. Artist—There, sir. Is nty latest pic­ ture. Ingenuous Friend—Well, you haven't economized paint on It. have vou? What title have you given to it? Artist—What do I call it? Why, sir. that is an autumn »unset Ingen­ uous Friend—You don’t My so. Well, I don’t blame the sun at *11 for *et Hng.______________ The Marquis of Worcester while lin- Iu ,he To«er of London in , lfiod Invented and construe ted a j>er- I ... LT8.“1 e,,gl,,e aud had >' publicly vxhibited the same year at Vauxhail In successful operation. Thirty four years later. In woo, Denuls Paplu add ed the piston to the marquis’ discovery. In lt;98 Captain Savary devised and built a steam engine different in many details front those made by Worcester and Papin, and in 1705 Newcomb. Caw ley and Savary constructed their cele- brated atmospheric engine, which was complete in every detail. The above array of historical facts notwithstand­ ing. James Watt, who was not born until sixty years after these great men had gtveu the steam engine to the world, enjoys the distinction of being the veritable Inventor, originator and author of the most useful contrivance of the present day. Fulton, who lived and worked in the early part of the nineteenth century, Is given the credit I of being the man who demonstrated I that steam could be applied to naviga­ tion—this, too, in face of the well known historical fact that De Gary propelled a vessel by steam in the har­ bor of Barcelona in 1543,-St. James’1 Gazette. *neonteetable. Hi» Chole». i».1?' Fred loves me Btlsa-wn?5. make me wife. nuMin M". J,- .. Has he proposed yetT one of close here Seldum Shares — I • °- but be dislikes mother king bum dan a bum king., time he sees her -Augend. rather be a I---- - -Kansas City Times I' m ’ FIR, SPRUCE and H EM LOCK Ivi J NIB FR ALL KINDS OF The Best Equipped. Saw Mill in the County. New Machinery, Experienced Workmen and First Class Lumber of the Best Quality. LET I'S FIGLIRE ON YOUR LUMBER BILL. r and China, I Oils, Paint, Varnish, Doors, Window Sashes, L h / Agents for the Great Western Saw. McNAIR CO ALEX 3. The Most Reliable Merchants in Tillamook County. A ' », Cures Backache Corrects Irregularities Do not risk having Will cure any case of Kidney or Bladder Disease not Bright’s orDiabetes beyond the reach of medicine. No medicine can do more. » J. S. Lamar, Tillamook, and Hawk & Miller, Bay City. .1 < s. VIERECK, Q Tillamook Bakery, V V OPPOSITE THE ALLEN HOUSE. EXPORT BEER, KAISER BLUME. Unsurpassed, Non Intoxicating. Attraction. SPECIALTY IN ALL KIND OF CAKES, ALL KINO OF BREAD. I MALT TEA. BOTTLED BY THE Columbia Bottling Co Astoria, Oregon They Changed. A Vienna paper relates an anecdote of the painter Makart. who was some times as taciturn as Von Moltke. One evening at a dinner he aat for an hour next to the soubrette Josephine Gall meyer without volunteering a word. Finally she lost patience and exclaim ed, "Well, dear master, suppose we change the subject." “ ■ DAIRYMEN’ AND S SUPPLIES STEEL STOVES & RANGES- _ F? We carry a Large Stock of Hardware, Tinware, Glass LM-il Fruits fall to the earth because the earth attracts them. Bubbles in a cup of tea stand around the sides of the cup because the cup attracts them The little bubbles gather about the large ones because the large bubbles attract the smaller ones. Why do the bubbles follow a teaspoon? Because the spoon attracts them. Why are the sides of a pond covered with leaves, while the middle la clear? Because the shore attracts the leaves to Itself. j ," declared a funny man. ■•Who are they?” “Posterity" 4- HEADQUARTERS FOR Keeping Time In Holland. Always After U». , » "Railroad time, as we generally un­ derstand the phrase In the United States. Is a little ahead of the 'town' time, but In The Hague, the quaint old capital of Holland, all private and un­ official docks and watches are kept twenty minutes fast,” said a traveler. “When It Is noon In the railway sta tlon. postoffice and other government buildings of The Hague the timepieces In the shops and the watches of the sturdy burghers show 12:20 p. m. Just what reason there is for this I don't know, althcugh I asked enlightenment in many quarters. It seems a custom that has been handed down for gener­ ations, and the Dutch are too conserv­ ative to change the ways of their pro­ genitors without some mighty Induce­ ment’’—Baltimore American. "No matter what we do. there la one MOULDINGS, C We Make the Best CHEESE BOXES for Tillamook C County’s Most Famous Cheese. Arms and the Woman. “Did anybody ever see a one armed woman?" asked a gray headed ra. as be surveyed the afternoon parade “I never did. Almost every day I n. et one armed men, but I have yet to en­ counter a woman with that pitifully empty sleeve. Are there no women who have suffered that mutilation? If not, why not? And, If so, where are they? "Yesterday I heard it argued that there was no cause for a woman to lose an arm; that women do not go to the wars and are not engaged in occu­ pations that are likely to carry away a part of their body. But that rea­ soning is not sound. Many women work in mills and factories, and they are as liable to accidents In the streets and public conveyances as men. Fre­ quently they figure in these accidents; but, although men In the same situa­ tion would lose an arm, women never do. “What is the cause of their Immuni­ ty?”—New York Globe. i KILN DRY FLOORING, CEILING, RUSTIC AND FINISHED LUMBER. Homer was a beggar; Plautus turned a mill; Terence was a slave; Boetius iled In jail; Paul Borghese had four­ teen trades and yet starved with them all; Tasso was often In distress for 5 shillings; Bentlvogllo was refused admission into u hospital be himself had erected; Cervantes died of hunger, and Vagelas left his body to the physi­ cians to pay his debts so far as the money would go; Sir Walter Raleigh died on the scaffold; Spenser, the charming, died in want; the death of Collins was through neglect, first caus­ ing mental derangement. Milton sold his copy of “Paradise Lost" for $75 at three payments and finished his life in obscurity; Dryden lived in poverty and distress; Otway died in the street; Steele lived a life of perfect warfare with the bailiffs; Goldsmith's “Vicar of Wakefield" was sold for a trifle to save him from the grip of the law; Savage died In prison at Bristol, where I 1 he wms confined for a debt of $40; Butler lived a life of penury and died poor; Chatterton, the child of genius and misfortune, destroyed himself. ftavs the woman, "Oh. that mine re To would It I. Is better letter to lend than to give. General Machinists & Blacksmiths. » I Did You Ever Try HAHRIN’N NRW FEED AND LIVERY HARN, Boiler Work, boRger’i» Work and Heavy Forging. Fine Machine Work a .Specialty. TILLAMOOK, OREGON. If not, give him a call. » ► Everything first-class. Second , > block South of P O. war vA W. G. HARRIS, Prop. • < » * a