The INDEPENDENT, December 18, 2003
Page 23
Bored with English language? Here are some alternative meanings
The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest
in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for various words. The following were
some of this year's winning entries.
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much
weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever hav-
ing a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation
May the spirit
of Christmas
bring you joy
throughout the
coming year.
Skidmore
&
while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in
which you absentmindedly answer the door in
your nightie.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that
picks you up after you are run over by a steam-
roller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question
Son Trucking
16871 Keasey Road, Vernonia • 503-429-7855
Season’s Greetings
Coffee House &
Bakery Outlet
a t Vernonia Mercantile
F E A TU R IN G
E sp re s so C o ff e e, S p e ci al ty D ri n ks
C a ke s , P i e s, P a s tr ie s & C o o k i e s.
S t oc k i n g S t uf f e rs & G i f t C e rt if i c at e s
H o l i da y H o u r s:
C hr i st ma s E ve - 5 :3 0 a m t o 6 :0 0 p m
Ne w Y ea r’ s E v e - 5 :3 0 a m t o 3 : 00 p m
C lo se d C hr i s tm as & N e w Y e a r’ s
831 Bridge St. Vernonia 503-429-0214
We wish you a
Merry Christmas
and a Very
Happy New Year
VERNONIA 76 SERVICE
791 Bridge Street, Vernonia • 503-429-3462
Vernonia Auto Parts
292 Bridge Street, Vernonia
503-429-2311
on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified de-
meanour assumed by a proctologist immediately
before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his con-
versation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of
boxer shorts.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when
you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets
stuck there.
16. Pokemon (n), a Jamaican proctologist