Prison Visitor -What Spring Medicine Hl MOR OF THE WEEK I hen*, my man? I An Ualucky Combination. There is no other eeaaon when good mediclM i* *» much needed as in tho Spring. The blood la impure, weak amt Impoverished—a condition indicated by pimploe and other eruptions on the lace ami body, by deficient vitality, Jou of appetite, lack of stren^h, aud want of animation. 8TORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Odd, Curio«» and Laughable Phase« of Human Nature Graphically Por- trayed by Eminent Word Artiata of brought JOII Couvlct—Su|H>rstltioi>. ma'am. Prison Visitor—Superstition? Convict- - Yes, ma'am. It was the unlucky IS, ma'aui. Prlaou Visitor—Thirteen! lu what way? Convict -Why. the Judge an' the Jury united against ni\ ma'am.—Cleve­ land Plain Dealer. Ayer’s PE-RU-NA TONES UP THE SYSTEM IF TAKEN IN THE SPRING. tAYS THIS BFAUTIFUl YOUHU OlfU Impure blood always shows somewhere. If the skin, then bolls, pimples, rashes. If the nerves, then neuralgia, nerv­ ousness, depression. If the |1<>II Boy (outside of room Ml Nay. the gas 1» ote«P'M man iln»ld* of room N* K •>» <» , Easily Found In the tterk. ••I wonder what has become of He—1 thtuk I ought to take a hot I locked th* door Bl- Goodley. When he was at school, you foot bath. When» Is the mustard? Mother Johnny Jones, did you get remember, he used to talk so much She- -Out In the pantry. that awful cold out akatlng? Nou- about uplifting mankind. Entered the He- Pshaw! It's dark out tiler« stomach, then dyspepsia, Mother. I think I Make the blood pure, vigorous and ministry, perhaps." and I haven't got a match. my fare yesterday morning. -Judgo. biliousness, loss of appetiie. *Oh. no! He ’ s manufacturing explo ­ rich, create appetite, give vitality, She—You don't need a match to lo- Cbumply I don't know whether I sive shells and torpedoes.“—Philadel­ cate It. It's right alongside of the Your doctor knows the ■tn ngth and animation, and curs phia Ledger. ought to take your daughter from her remedy, used for 60 years. I.imburger cheese. — Philadelphia all eruptions. Have the whole family father's roof Her Father Nli« doesn’t •• K»ltirnlii< hom fuhatt war. I wa* a Press. taifoct wrv«’» XI* waa bail. au«l •»«» Directly tinder It. live on the roof Philadelphia Bulle­ begin to take them today. •alth wa* ■!•» l hir-1 Avenue. S«» York I tv, », (,., me real weary." j'erteetly honorable in all busineea tranaao clerk, but It Is the man or woman who A Great Debt: Bragg I owe noth ■*l*arun« 1» » Hoe ntedklne to take *f^.*’*,_*]* l>”’ 1 sksn in ths tlon* an writes with the left hand at which the ligation« made by their Brin. Usurping Her Prerogative. Ing to any man Newltt Oh. ysa, you spring It tunas up the «»»tern »nd . ••fmillwnlng me u»,, VS grr A l » ua X, Vvhf!»‘»ale Prug^tutB. Toledo. O. balk Is made. The dead line Is drawn than a vacation. In the tail and winter I have found that n luW, aM "Will you marry me. darling?" ask vv Aunsti. K insan d M arvin , v \ holeaalo l»rug- do Bragg No. sir' Newltt Oh. yea catarrh and al»«» Hud that It 1» invaluable t<> krop the boweta regular, ».||n( Just the moment It is ascertained that ed the young mail In the parlor Irene. gHt». lolcdo, O You owe an apology to every man who Catarrh cure la taken Internally, act« aa ■ gentle stimulant on the ay»tem. In fact, I consider i, a »hui« nicJkla« .. . a dork Is left-handed and he Is forth­ "Sir." rejolued his fair companion, Ing Han't directly ui«on tho blood an*l niueuus *ur- has to listen to you blow.—Philadel­ cheat.” Ml»» Marjory Hampton. with Informed that if It Is his desire "this is leap year and you should know facet of the system. 1‘rhe 7»e. ¡»er LxlUa. phia I’resa. bold by all bruKMitt». 1 eatlmottiali free. to continue In government service It that In matters of this kind a gentle­ Hall’» Faintly ftlla are the l»eat. Improvement at the Gas office: “Did will be necessary for him to write with man should watt uutll he Is asked." Is arili, nervini» sn!<«>! done but begin to write with the right "Nary a blow, mister,” replied th« hand or "throw up the Job." and few Piso s Cure ft. • remedy for coughs, colds time."—Ev Mother—If I catch you chasing those time Cause, Preven­ Nothing Is tn re 4 11.» known to be the first cause of Rheuma­ man! Why, It's only s cheap single- second husband so that they might get recent lecture on the blood iiupiirltle» human family am made mry mlwrsbis Maaherton. “there won't be a girl left tism and many other diseases and has barrel affair. by this condition every spring worth spooning over." married again ” “Not very. He's al­ of spring. therefore received a great deal of atten­ Browne—Well. I bought It through I'enii.s will prevent It If t*Un la The dn» of winter, claims that he has solved the problem of how to get this acid out of the sys­ something on the table that ths deranging lii« dlgeatlon, prolming rwtol Charitable Sex. Petuaa it the blral aprmg ture tem. He savs: He (at amateur concert)—What do hostess knows Is so badly cooked that sluggialineaa of the liver, overlaung «r>!l« al pr< I»«» <>n. the kidneys, interfeiing with th« ac ­ “I had this acid trouble myself for you think of Miss Screecher's voice? for mora she feels bor«*d about It. ask If y.’«i do ir l l Pern. culation of the blood. would be very profuse ami at other cracked up to be. relish.--Baltimore American. Thia condition of thing» produces M, writ« at one« to Dr Hartman, giv­ times scant but the acid was always “Have you any taste for Tbaeke- what i» popularly known as spring ing a full statement of y<>»ir case, »nd Then or Never, my greatest trouble. Medicine failed ray?" asked Mrs. (»Ideasti«. • No I fever, spring malaria, nervous exhaus­ hr will I* plee«--.| t give y,.|| hl» «sig. Miss Willing—Should a girl allow to cure me till at last I heard of a rem­ can't say that I bave,” rep I lol her tion, that lire.I feeling, blood thicken- aide »«hi«'« grail«. edy called Dodd's Kidney Pills and her fiance to kiss her before they are hoatoaa; "la that anything like this n: and many o her nan >04. tnarrled . ’ A'hlroes l*r Hartman, I'teaulenl of after taking a box I seemed to be en­ ! paprika tlx-y IS I'Uttln' in eirrytbliig Mrs. Wedderly—Well, if she wants Fonieliniea the victim is I liions, «Iva- The Hartman .»»anilarium, lolutaba», tirely cured. However it came back on now?”—Chicago lleom! Herald. peptic and ron»ti|>at««l. •ometuiive he llfll.v me and this time I took several boxes him to kiss her at all she should. Wbat he Would Rather Have Ex- with the result that I was completely Must Bear Signature of Something to Mow. • ■■ » prea»,-d Differently: Gushing luidy — and permanently cured. This was "I wonder If they produce hay In Oh, but Mr Jones. I should love to Its Booietlmee we may learn omrs from II taira two to tush* a quarrel uutll three years ago and I have not had a the arctic fields?" said the hallroom beautiful even If for only half an a man's errors than from lila virtue« — you have one <>f your own. slid then It single symptom of the acid trouble boarder. is always the other uue who itiakss II hour! Jones Yes. but you wouldn't lx>t>(feUuw. since. I am 75 years of age and I am "I don't know wh ‘ther thev rail ti I like the coming tate’k again' Punch, well as e e l was.” Se» raoSlalh Wrappar Halow. hay or not" replied the cheerful idiot Teacher—Mushrooms always grow ' Conductor- All aboard! Please get "but it's something the Eskimos." Success in damp places. ■ board quickly, Mise, the train Is Some people unnk success means Pupil—That's why they look like A Princely Reward. about to start. Young I July But I simply to get rich. Others think It “Boy,” said the wealthy man, beam­ umbrellas, ain't It? wish to kiss my sister good by. Con- mears merely to keep out of Jail. One * ductor—Get aboard, get almard; I'll of these definitions Is about as near ing with gratitude; “you have done me An Indorsement. attend to that for you.•— Yale Record. correct as the other, says a philoso- a great service and I am going to re­ A scum—But does this medicine real­ ward you." "Coal vases?*' said the hardware nhcr. ly cure deafness? “Oh, thank you, air!" gasped the merchant. "Yes. sir." "Romrthlng Clerk—Eh? ■mall boy. Dlcely Japsnnol?” “No, sir," said ths As.-um (shouting)—I say. does No remedy ever vet discovered has met with such ~ “Here, In this case. Is the first dollar really cure deafness? customer. ■ tnan with fierce mustache popular favor as S. b. S. Ihe |>c«.t>lc every where ind<’i«e It, I ever made. Gaze on It and let it In­ Clerk—Well. I should say so! and a foreign accent; "haven't you ■nd there For Infants and Children. are few home* where S. S> & for the blmni it \ ' spire you to be Industrious and saving. taken It regularly for twenty years. something in Russia Iron?" Chicago Good-by.”—Philadelphia Ledger. not known and u*ed. It is superior in ninny ways to the <>rdi' Tribune. Wl'-IUJS»«« «•» — There’e the Rub. nary blood medicines. In the first place S S S. i* a guaranteed The Cares of Tooth. How to Hold Actors: “ It always CURE SICK HEADACHE. Towne—If It hadn't been for that Bears the makes me tnad to talk to an a< tor. He purely vegetable compound, rtinde exclusively of niedu inal roots fellow Cutter I'd be *100 richer to­ Signature of HOWARD E. BURTON. A-wyrr »nd Chemist protends to listen politely, blit Ills at­ selected for their wonderful purifying and tonic projierti«-« that act day. Spfc.inrn pr < »old. Kllvrr. I|i : • *oi'l. Mil- Browne—Oh, forget about It. You ver.7 h ; »»old. 5üc;Zincor ' <»|»|«er. |l. » yanltla teat*. tention 1s wandering all the time Ever upon the blood, purging it of impurities and restoring it to :i healthy, .Mailing enrelopea an*l full prb* 1 lal ■»«•nt on ajiplb a- notice it?” A Little Mistake. “No. I always talk to natural condition. At the same time, under its tonic cfT<< te the gen­ ought to take things philosophically. tlon. Control and I ntplr«* work aollrlted. I.end- Young I.ady—What is the pries of Towne—I do. That’s easy enough, ville. Colo, ilefrrvijc«Cartonate 5al*l Hauk. them about tbemaolves.”—Philadel­ eral system improves, the sluggish organs are toned up, and renewed that bicycle costume? phia I^lger. strength and vigor and lictter hcnltli is the result. No b.nl .liter effects but It's hard to part with things phil­ Dealer—That is not a bicycle costume, BUY Owner of Flabpond (to man who Is follow the use of S. S. S., as so often hap|>ens with blood medicines osophically.—Philadelphia I'resa. miss; it’s a suit of sanitary underwear. trespassing -Don't you see that sign, containing strong minerals, which dermige the stom.n h nnd d Cooked tip. I r-rm*nenay vvirso. Wo Suor nervoosMSB “No fishing here? Angler—Yea. and ■nd in other ways damage the system. Eor disease» of the blood, I after nrWday iiiworPr.KlIne'tUrsstN'wvs “So this Is the old family Bible?" I dispute It Why, there’s good fish- such as Chronic Sores, Rheumatism, Catarrh, Scrofula, Boil« and Pirn- ter. Send for Free US trial boule and treausa said Mr. Newsooter, who was waiting H. Kline, Lui..ar Arch BC. Fblladelphla, r*. Ing hare. Ijx>k at this basketful, Ths Eczema, Tetter, In the parlor for Miso Passey. ALWAYS HIPS 0. n 0. ON HAND man must have been mad who put Poisons, nnd other Good Time to Die. "No,” replied Miss .Psssay's little Monticello, Ark , May 81, 1009. that board up. Gloomy Man—Who is the fool who brother, "that's the new one sister Oentlemen —For about twelve years I have troubles due to impure or "It was only five years ago that I been usino your R ». 0. U a houaahold remedy. bad condition of the blood, wrote "I Would Not Die in Spring- bot ht last week so she could write in tin.«-?’’ started In with our firm at five dollars I have token II se a tonic and appstlaar, and be­ no remedy ads so promptly It all about when she was born." — Wife—Fool! a week," said Bragg, "and now I earn lieve there Io none better. I have used It for my Philadelphia Press. Gloomy Mau—Yes. Springtime la fifty a week without any trouble." children at varloua timas for little chin eruption«, ami thoroughly as S. S. S, Just the season to die. Escape tbs spring "That's m ; It's easy to earn that," re­ bolls and polaone eauead by playing with weeda. It reaches deep-seated, Rynnnymt. bouse cleaning, you know. plied Newltt, "but how much do you *. ■ 0. Is my standard, nevar mlud whet la the long-standing cases, upon “Oh, there's a word of nine letters matter. If I use a bottle ol B R. S. It tonas up the which the ordinary p>ts»h got?"—Philadelphia Presa. that describes Crabbe to a't.' " Mother* will Had Mrs. Winslows’» Soothing system, alcanaes the blood and makes me wall Syrup the best remedy to use tor I hair children Ida I don't believe Mr. Kmart be­ again. As an all-round family medicina I, onaldar ■nd sarsaparilla compound* "Ab, yes—‘pessimist.’ ” during the teething period.. _ FROM YOUR DI'ALFR lieves my handkerchiefs are linen. R ■ 0. tha beet remedy of tha kind that bave I have noefTect. I'.ven wherS "Well, I meant 'dyspeptic,' but it “Wot's worry In' him? In fer a lick­ amounts to the same thing.”—Philadel­ May—Why not? Ida—I told him I ever used, and generally keep It on hand ae a fam. there is an hereditary Still a Child. MKR V. C. WIUTTINUTON in' r had my pin money wrapped In my lly remedy. predisposition Io disease, phia Press. Old Man—What! Marry that child? “ Nope; worseer ’ n that. He says ter- S. S. S will search out and remove from tlio blo«>i»«>nand handkerchief and lost It He aald $4.00, $3.50, $3.00, $2.50 Suitor—Your daughter is no longer a Murder Will Out. day's the day he's decided ter propos? there was a great deal of money lost build up the health ; it enriches ami purifida weak, thin blood and stisH child, sir; she is a woman. um shoes THrroWo. In "You simply can't get that girl to cotton these days.—Chicago News ulates the circulation. Pure blood is essential to health. Old Man—Nonsense! Why, she isn't to the teacher.” You esn W.L Douglas shoes tell her age.' a bit bossy yet Tommy To morrow's your birthday, exist without good blood, but can never be robust ami strong; for every Why Bhe Objected. "Well, time will tell, even If she are worn by more ain't It, ma? I wlsht I bad a dollar; organ, tissue and nerve in the laxly looks to the bloo* “Yes," replied his young wife; "be­ aew or tight »hoe, eery A certain cure for much to live in New York.” longer, and have that’s the price of It. It's the dandl- experience ami a thorough test have proven superior to all others, sad corn», Ingrowlngnalli and bunions. All drug­ cause It is—er—such a slow poison." gist» sell It. 25c. Don’t accept any substitute. "It may not cost much to Jive." re­ greater intrinsic est catcher's mask you ever saw.— the acknowler and OI.OO b d ,, d Tough—Have yer got pull enough la nets on sale. whose depredations in that country HOME the history of an old lady of 98. He Washington to git s patent fer me? U«nti«moit i «m a bri «><1er nf i H{ M*op*'W Saleslady—Beg pardon, but those are prior to 14*10 are on record. TREATMENT was told she had never so much as Patent Lawyer—Wbat is your inven­ boarding-house blankets. Batalllard and other authors believe This wonderful Chi- learned her letters. Did he blurt It tion? that gypsies existed In Europe from doctor la called Tough—It’s a pneumatic tire fer per­ bwcaai*« h« cure* out In print? Not a bit of It. He Finals. | j n n,iTi,’g „,Àd„ ih.i-i>'-„ ''’ Jl.V««» immemorial times, for they find no ac­ gr»at p**opl* without oi^rw lice clubs. I» Ju«t Ih« Ihlng r..r 11.« So««, alvi '• •o,‘* merely stated on hla finely written "Are you still making visits to your count of their crossing the Boiphorous tlon that are fl von up to die. He curee wttn article that "she can rend the finest dentist?" ■‘ornane, Or., Coaal As«“'» Ihoae wonderful < hl- nnd no record Is known to exist of print as well a» »h« ever could.” neee herlHi, root«, hud«, “No." their passage to England or Scotland. barkB and rcffMablM "How's that?" that are entirely tin They were better received in these known to medical ecl- Queer. "Ob, nothing, only I ran out of countries than In any other, but so »-rire In thlg country. Ihrough «he um » o ' Th« INTKBNAL BIMCDY "Hades Is supposed to be located In Th* improved Alvord Sage Brush Grubber and Land Cleaner (hoae harmlFHw romfldlM ihie famoua docuir teeth." early as 1531 an act was passed re know« the action of over W) different rem No tes» teista It Will Not Car* the center of the earth, Isn’t It?" re­ Takes ■” edlee. which he buc « eeafully uee<* in <1 fferent Safety Appliance. will remove Hage Brush Rabbit Brush, qulring the Egyptlane to quit the realm nrilHII, Greste lifioD out all dieeaeee. He Kuarantee-a to cure cattarh, aath marked the thermometer. Chico, etc. Loavaa (he ground " ' in ,-orfnct * "* «.oditi» Husband—Why did you want a under pain of death, a similar edict ma, lung, throat, rheumatlem, nervoueneea, brush by AGENTS WANTED "Yes, but what of it?" Inquired tho etomach, liver, khlneye, etc ; han hundred* of for a«, ceo<] TATIUN KHEE. AhDHESH Wife—So I can give the cook orders pean eta tea. piles at regular Gru bbl tig Machine Write u» your wauta In lug the lower down I should get in the machinery line. intervals. Teeth are without having her throw dishes at Transportation across the seas was RKlKRBON MACHINERY CO., The G Gee Wo Chinese Medicine Co. that direction f|IP higher up p(j go."— automatically < loaned mo. among the milder means adopt'd and Foot Morrleon St. Portland, Oregon Philadelphia Press. ZHi Alder St., PorUanJ, Omges. No clogging. Will work on probably was the came of much Not in Her Line. atony ground. Our book lot Mrs. Fadden—Have you over had further dispersion of the tri bee. Under It sometimes happens that n family describing the machlno in detail. Henry VIII. gypsies were shipped from F. N. U. any experience In firing china? which cannot boast ---------------- that ona of Its Its advantages, coat, shipping I Mrs. Arties»—No, Indeed! Our cook England to Norway or Franco, and nuuiibcrs underwent an operation, can weight, etc., sent free on application f" »11 a time when one oóhe children attends to that wbeu she has a bad from France, so recently as 1S02, they THE BURTON MF6. CO. were deported to Africa. went froqi on« convulalqii luto anothef. Hood's Sarsaparilla and Pills Otar Own l»a> A Hud get of Fas. Sarsaparilla Impure Stood ABSOLUTE SECURITY. Carter’s Little Liver Pills, CARTELS THE KING OF^SÄ BLOOD PURIFIERS SSS CASTOR IA Tho Kind You Have Always Bought W. L. DOUGLAS 78? Dr. C. Gee Wo ••-¡¿ .'-4 Perrin’s Pile Specific I ARAPAHO* 9T. DENVER.