Quips
and Quotes
gg res
- M rj-t 1 I.ITTT
Reciprocal Trad
All summer 11 has been our (ale
To harbor guests from out-of-state.
We rolled the welcome wagon out
And gamely chauffeured them about.
We picnicked them on mountaintopa
And hunted souvenirs in shops.
We drove to every site historic
And dined our friends on meals caloric.
In fact, the carpet that we spread
Was frankly an expensive red.
Does someone ask what is the reason
We treated guests so well this season?
Our answer, without haw or hem:
Next year we plan to visit THEM.
Betty Isler
To the casual observer, abstract art
appears to be painted by a person who
didn't know where to draw the line.
Lavonne Mathison
. I
A harried business execu
tive visited his doctor for a
prescription. "I can't get any
sleep," he said. "I need a sed
ative." "I can't give you sedatives,"
the doctor replied. "You're al
lergic to them."
"Well, how about that 'twi
light sleep' I've been reading
about?"
"That's only for labor," the
doctor explained.
"What?" cried the business
man. "Isn't there anything for
management?"
Lawrence Mahan
"Be with you in a moment."
"WHAT AM I DOING HERE?"
( Continued from page S)
have taken cover, which at least keeps them from making
trouble for a while."
It's after a spell in the rear echelons, where many high
ranking Vietnam officers owe their jobs to political pull,
not skill, that Tom wonders why he ever left France.
"My most frustrating experience was being sent to a
province to observe field tactics," Tom says! "When I got
there, the local commander said he would have a search-and-clear
operation going out the following morning. When
my sergeant and I came to the jumping-off point, though,
we found the operation had been cancelled for some vague
reason. The same thing happened the next day and the next.
"On the fourth day we went through the same schedule-and-cancel
business again, but now there was a clear rea
son for it. The commander had intelligence of a large con
centration' of VC three or four miles from his headquarters.
" 'How many ?' I asked.
" 'Fifty or more' this against nearly 1,000 men he
commanded! When I urged him to send troops out after
them, he said he would consider it But by that evening,
the number of VC had grown in his mind to 500, so he
just waited until he learned that the VC had withdrawn.
I was back home by then."
Life is easier to bear "back home" in Long Xuyen,
where Tom isn't plagued by timid officers. When he's not
out in the field, he helps train Vietnamese. "They need all
the instruction they can get," he says. "They come here
with exactly six weeks training, and they don't know much
about handling equipment This doesn't keep them from
being tigers in the field, though. They're great scouts, too.
"I don't know how many times they've saved my life by
exposing themselves to draw the fire and by keeping me
from walking into punji in the jungle. Punji are booby
traps. The worst ones are slivers of bent bamboo with long
nails in the end. You spring the trap, and the bamboo whips
up to drive the spike into your stomach or chest. I've
learned to spot punji by now, but only because the Viet
namese have kept me from tripping dozens of them."
After seven months, the Vietnamese return Horner's
respect and affection in full. His appearance on the post
is greeted by a ragged cheer and an accolade in the only
English the soldiers know: "Number one! Number one!"
Tom's only recreation in Long Xuyen, aside from an
occasional ancient movie that finds its way there, is
caring for a seven-foot boa constrictor his men gave him
as a joke when they discovered he didn't like snakes. He
hasn't named the snake, but he has confounded the funsters
by building a cage for it and learning to handle it
Except for the boa, Horner is surrounded by nothing
but work, which he doesn't like to abandon even for an
occasional "Rest and Rehabilitation" leave. He turned
down an "R and R" recently because, "It only interrupts
the grind, it doesn't change it When you get back, it's just
as hot and miserable as before, only now it seems twice
as bad because you've been cool and safe for a while."
As time passes, results become apparent, too. "You can
see changes when you look back over a few months. I was
just driving down a road, wondering why I felt strange,
and then it dawned on me: I was alone I What progress!
When I got here, no one drove that road alone unless he
had suicide in mind. Ambush was certain. But not now.
"In the same way, it dawns on you every so often that
this or that village hasn't been attacked for months. Or
that it has been a long time since a field was burned in a
particular area or a farmer killed.
"It isn't a bad feeling to know you might have had some
thing to do with all that peace and quiet"
family Wctkly, Atput 11, IM1
HOW TO
BE SUltE
year youngsters take
the laxative they need
Give them Mint-Flavored
Phillips' Milk of Magnesia.
They'll like the taste.
And it's the kind of laxative
doctors recommend.
Mini-Flavored Phillips' tastes so
good, children and grownups take
it happily. And when the makers
of Phillips' asked thousands of
doctors, "Do you ever recommend
milk of magnesia?" the over-
u see, Phillips' Milk
Magnesia brings
ally complete relief
whelming majority said,
You
of
rea
because it is a laxative
antacid that relieves
both constipation and
acid indigestion. Get
Mint-Flavored Phillips'
Milk of Magnesia.
"Yes."
rmuin,,
mmsmE'
PHOTO CREDITS
Fog 2t Stan Harrii.
Paget 14, ISt Gvorcw Jrvo
lor th Aluminum Attociatton.
MEM