Gesell Experts Tell:
Family WeeJtly October 28, 1959
The dL Common Mistakes
You probably have made some mistakes in rearing your chil
dren. There is no such thing as a perfect parent But according
to the famous Gesell Institute of Child Development, the four
most common mistakes of parents are ones easily corrected.
Dr. Arnold Gesell, who for nearly 50 years has pioneered in
making a science of child development, indicates that the biggest
mistake of parents is to feel guilty about making the errors rather
than taking steps to correct them.
The Gesell Institute has recoitled its observations of more than
20,000 children and, of course, parents. In this exclusive article,
Dr. Gesell and his co-workers, Dr. Frances Ilg and Dr. Louise
Bates Ames, discuss for the first time what they've discovered
about the adult side of the child-parent relationship.
Here are the four mistakes they come across most frequently
and practical suggestions to make them 'rarer:
The noted Gesell Institute
of Child Development
describes these adult shortcomings
and gives some advice: don't
worry about them, correct them!
by JACK HARRISON POLLACK
Blaming yourself for your child's failures
Do you believe that if your child fails in school
or is a juvenile delinquent, it is your fault that
what's wrong with your "unhappy" son or "mal
adjusted" daughter results from-"bad home atmos
phere"? This popular belief, which has frightened
a generation, of parents, is held by many psychia
trists, psychologists, social workers and child-guidance
clinics. America's parents make a big mistake
in swallowing this over-simplified explanation of
child failure, warn Gesell authorities. "Father could
stop drinking and Johnny still might not be able to
read," Dr. Ames points out
Gesell investigators who use experiment and
observation instead of psychoanalytic theory in
studying normal child development claim that the
emotional factors in child-rearing have been over
ballyhooed since World War II. Dr. Gesell says, "In
America there has been an excessive emphasis on
psychiatry, learning and conditioning and too little
emphasis on constitution and heredity."
Important hereditary factors are largely ignored
by some of today's parent-scarers, Dr. Gesell con
tends. A child isn't just a malleable piece of clay.
Much that he is for better or worse comes from
within. He inherits not only his "spitting image" of
Uncle John's looks but clear-cut abilities and dis
abilities, and strong tendencies toward and away
from certain types of behavior. In. most cases, he
doesn't behave the way he does just because of
how you treat him. More often, it is due to his
innate individuality.
Take bed-wetting. "We know of no evidence to
prove that all bed-wetters are emotionally dis
turbed or that emotional disturbance necessarily
has anything to do with bed-wetting," report Gesell
researchers. "We find that some children are just
naturally slow in this department just as others talk
or walk late." -.
So instead of making the mistake of looking for
complicated emotional "cures," see if your child's
simple, physical needs aren't being met "Too many
mothers have been made self-conscious by the talk
about possible harm they might do their children,"
says Dr. Ames. Some specialists even go so far as
to insist that mothers can literally drive their chil
dren insane: "It seems cruel that parents of dis
turbed children also have this unfounded guilt
added to their misfortunes," says Dr. Gesell.
Gesell-trained observers get
data by watching children.
nil i i i' f i ,
Many parents try to overstuff children,
forgetting capacity for food differs.
family Weekly, October It, mi
Parents Make
Dr. Arnold Gesell
Not knowing how to use discipline
Parents make another mistake in thinking there
are only two ways to discipline their children: (1)
the strict "old-fashioned" way which says "no" to
almost everything, or- (2) easygoing "modern"
permissiveness which says "yes" to almost every
thing. Both methods inevitably fail, Dr. Gesell
claims.
Many authoritarian mothers and fathers mistak
enly believe that discipline must start at once in ear
liest infancy. But Gesell investigators have found
that the wiser discipline is more one of handling,
schedule and surroundings than just "making baby
learn."
Slapping, shouting, punishing parents assume
that good habits are instilled in children by force
or fear. But early authoritarian "discipline often
backfires on parents .later.
Parents who threaten their children but never
intend to carry out the threats also make a mis
take. A youngster soon learns that his parents don't
mean everything that they say. It is equally wrong
when a mother threatens a disobedient child, ''When
Daddy comes home, he's going to spank you!" If
it is necessary to punish a child, the mother should
do it herself, promptly. When punishment is delayed,
the child may brood about it and just resent his
father.
Instead- of using authoritarian or permissive
methods, Gesell authorities strongly recommend a
third type a middle ground, "developmental dis
cipline" which says yes or no depending upon
the child's stage of development Here, growth, not.
whim, is your guide. It means adapting your
discipline to your child's age and abilities and
showing that "there are things jou can do and
things you can't do." Demands are few but firm.
The trick here is largely preventive: to work around
bad behavior tendencies, to stop trouble before it
begins.
. Here are some examples of developmental disci
pline: in handling a dictatorial 2-year-old, avoid ,
situations to which your child can answer "no."
Instead of asking, "Caij you hang up your coat?"
say, "Where does your coat go?" In dealing with a
4-year-old's defiant, out-of-bounds behavior, use
his interest in numbers to motivate him by saying,
for example, "Let's see if you can get your coat off
before I count 10! One..."
Developmental discipline is also effective in cop
ing with thorny adolescent problems. Some parents
get an 11-yeaf-old's cooperation by making deals.
"You help me wash the dishes and I'll help you with
your homework." When a sullen 15-year-old comes
home from school and goes directly to his room
without greeting anybody, he often needs to be
greeted with as much coolness and indifference as
he lavishes on others, Dr. Gesell advises. This can
shock him into self-awareness, and his politeness
will then reappear.
Another mother of a teen-ager told Dr. Ames,
"Today when my daughter does something I don't
understand or approve of, I no longer haul out six
dozen psychology books. I simply ignore it and sure
enough the problem passes away. I found that by
the time I had finished researching the problem,
she had a new one, anyhow!" . - ,
If punishment is necessary. It should be
given at once, not delayed for Father.
Worrying about the wrong things
Too many parents overlook age and individual
differences in their youngsters. They mistakenly
believe that all children require specific amounts
of food, sleep, rest, attention, discipline. But growth
traits aren't slavishly followed by eueru youngster
on a year-to-year basis. "Children have different
capacities and develop at different rates of speed,
depending on their body type, environment and
temperament which is what makes your child
unique," explains Dr. Ilg.
Too often, parents try to rush nature. "It takes
a child a long time to grow but he must do his mn
growing," Dr. Gesell says. "It is a mistake to try to
hurry or retard that growth process."
...j Nevertheless, many a mother tries to toilet-train
a child too early. And many a father blusters about
his 18-month-old baby: "It's time that she learned
how to behave!" But nature decides the timing
you don't!
Many impatient parents also rush their children
off to school too soon. Neither age nor IQ means
that a child is necessarily ready for school, Dr.
Gesell's studies show.
Overfeeding children is another common error
especially of young parents who make no allow
ance for age and individual differences. These par
ents frequently create unnecessary feeding prob
lems by bullying their children into eating larger
portions than they want "Instead of three large
meals a day, many thin, scrawny children do bet
ter with four or five small ones," says the Gesell
Institute.
Parents who think that their children are "bad"
also usually fail to understand age and individual
differences. Many of these children are merely
"bad" at making transitions and need their par
ents' help. "Much so-called 'badness,'" Gesell
researchers point out, "is immaturity. Actually,
there is a 'good' side even to the 'bad' ages. So try
to discover the 'good' while you smooth over and
keep your child growing through the 'bad.' "
Parents of teen-agere who think in stereotypes
are inclined to lump all adolescents together with
"Teen-agers are all alike!" But adolescence isn't
just a period of inevitable conflict Some stages can
have much quiet charm and beauty. If anything,
adolescence is an era of contradictory moods, Dr.
Gesell has found. . -
Remember, the comforting fact of age and indi
vidual difference is that time is on your side. Mark
Twain once observed that 15 was the age when you
learned how ignorant your father was, but at 21
you were amazed at how smart he had become!
(Continued)
Family Weekly. October It, 1K
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