Rebellious Son
( Continued )
black, bitter, irrational rebellion in my son.
One day he brought home a report card
from school on which his teacher had com
mented that he was sullen.
"I'm warning you, son, you're headed
straight for trouble," I said.
He breathed the word "Bunk."
I whacked him. He cried. And so it went.
I was so upset I could hardly concentrate
on a story I was outlining for an interested
editor. It concerned juvenile delinquency.
I thought I knew about that Who doesn't?
I'd been as shocked as the next man about
the extraordinary rise in the number of acts
of violence in the United States. I knew how
difficult the problems could be. I had one of
my own. I wanted to write my story.
My wise editor insisted that I do a job of
research first
It happened that the first part of the
research period corresponded with a period
of increasing rebelliousness in my son. He
was constantly on my mind as I visited insti
tutions of correction and asked questions.
"There is a relative lack of hostility in a
child whose needs have been met" one
authority told me.
But how could that be? My son lacked
nothing, yet he was hostile. I wondered.
"Records indicate that the new youth treat
ment centers are 'curing' offenders better
than old-fashioned punishment prisons,"
another authority said.
Nonsense. Coddling delinquents merely
encouraged them.
"When a boy comes here, his past is never
mentioned," a camp superintendent told me.
In disciplining my son, I emphasized his
past errors.
"We cure delinquents by trusting them."
I nagged my son.
"Behavior disorders are studied objectively
to discover the causes which produce them.
Then an effort is made to modify such be
havior by removing the causes rather than
by teaching or authoritative means."
I had to admit it I was authoritative.
I read about the horror of silent periods in
prison life and about how they were being
discontinued by enlightened administrators.
Being sent away from the table was a kind
of silent period for my son.
One well-known doctor wrote about delin
quents: "They don't need punishing; that
hasn't worked in a thousand years. What
they do need is help and understanding."
There it was again. No punishment. But
reasonable punishment punishment to fit the
crime, was the best kind of help and under
standing. Or was it?
A booklet put out by Science Research
Associates of Chicago said, "Johnny is more
likely to acquire pleasant manners if he is
praised for genuine thoughtfulness than if he
is scolded for omission of a "please'."
That hurt.
So did this from a 1956 Family Weekly
article: "The responsibilities of parenthood
overwhelm many people. Facing facts is a
painful experience for, in a real sense, the
child is an extension of the parent"
I pursued my research through "Wayward
Youth" by August Aichhorn, a student of
Sigmund Freud. He put it this way: "We fall
in with these (delinquent) children's demands
when we punish them. Their need for pun
ishment is satisfied for the moment and no
change in their behavior is achieved. The
punishment produces pleasure instead of
pain, gives temporary relief, and allows the
child to remain hostile to discipline."
Aichhorn then made this important point
about the social worker with delinquents:
"The social worker is the important object
with whom the dissocial child can experience
all the things in which his father failed him..."
... in which his father ailed him.
"It is, above all, the tender feeling for the
teacher that gives the pupil the incentive to
do what is prescribed and not to do what is
forbidden."
I told my son that I would never spank him
again. No matter how he acted, I would
never lose my temper with him or lecture
him at the dinner table.
He screwed up his pug nose and said
defiantly, "I don't believe you."
My impulse was to lash out at him.
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