i
it. -":
I
1 - i
. , -'
t. -f
I'
EDo You Puit
our IFaxino
Jrv!
BY ROBERT GARDNER
Judge of the Superior Court of Orange County, California
Here, in down-to-earth language, a noted judge offers one of the
simplest and most effective ways to stamp out delinquency.
An intelligent, cultured woman, a community
leader, recently said to me, "Judge Gardner,
what can I do to help with this dreadful
juvenile-delinquency problem?"
"Why don't you go home and be with your fam
ily?" I replied. She was shocked, and I suspect
I lost a vote right then and there.
I have read many of the flood of recent magazine
articles about juvenile delinquency. They are
written by all kinds of experts: doctors, sociolo
gists, psychiatrists, psychologists, child-guidance
people, family counselors, and just plain old expert
experts. Most of them agree that the basic problem
lies in the home. Is the father no longer the head
of the family? Is the mushrooming divorce rate
destroying the American home? Is morality out
moded? Has modern child psychology destroyed
basic concepts of discipline? Is your child suffering
from a traumatic neurosis based on the uncer
tainties of modern civilization? Does he have an
Oedipus complex, emotional insecurity, a deep
seated psychic disturbance? Is it radioactive fall
out, horror comics, sunspots?
These articles are good. Each reflects a learned
approach to a troublesome problem, but their scope
is so big. The reader's feeling of inadequacy bal
loons into an inferiority complex from the erudite
tone of the articles. What can the reader, a baffled
parent, do about this vast problem? The average
answer is, "It's too much for me." But there is a
simple thing each of us can do to make our chil
dren's home a better, healthier place. That is: stay
home! Simple, isn't it?
When we were a rural society and lived on farms,
we were a nation of families. During the day the
boys worked in the fields with the father and the
girls worked in the house with the mother. They
were all together for breakfast, dinner, and supper.
In the evenings they talked together, read to
gether, sang together, perhaps even prayed together.
Now much of this is impossible. Most fathers
leave in the morning, are gone all day, and return
in the evening. That leaves the mornings and eve
nings for our families. If other fathers are like me
in the morning, that is not the time to make friends
or influence children. I awake in a tragic and
somber mood that hangs over me like a heavy
smog for several hours. The less said about morning
sociability with the family the better.
That leaves the evening to gather my family
around me to establish, in a short time, a normal
I
KamiJ.v .
w
famUy relationship. But where am I? I'm at a
meeting. Be it Rotary, Lions, Kiwanis, Exchange,
Civitan, Chamber of Commerce, uea -ross, v,m,.
munity Chest, Sons of Union Veterans, Boys Club,
Moose, Eagles (Raccoons, Weasels, or Yellow-Billed
Sapsuckers) there are hundreds of them, and they
meet all the time. If you aren't there, you are con
sidered just possibly a bit un-American. When the
club itself is not meeting, there are committee meet
ings, subcommittee meetings, and sometimes sub
subcommittee meetings to determine when com- .
mittee meetings should be held. And that takes
care of dear old Dad.
here is mother? Home? In the morning at
least, we will assume she is. Ihen sne nas
moti with the P.T.A. or an Ebell
luncheon. Then a fast afternoon with the women s
club, Friday Afternoon Club, Thursday Afternoon
Club, or any other afternoon club. Home for din
ner? Maybe. But perhaps it'll be the P.T., Town
Meeting, Civic League, Friends of the Library, the
Eastern, Western, or Northern Star, Altrusa, or
the female auxiliary of one of the male clubs.
I don't mean to pick on any particular groups.
These just come to mind. They are all good organ.
zations with commendable aims, but your children
are as much orphans if you are meeting with the
leaders of your community as they would be if
you were drunk at the local saloon.
The point is that we have become badly over
organized. These organizations are important, but
not vital. If we awoke tomorrow and every one of
them was nonexistent, the sun would still shine
the birds would still sing, men and women would
still quarrel-the world would go on. And by eve
ning a few dozen new organizations would exist,
because we have become the most gregarious coun
try in history. Unfortunately, our family We
suffering, and our baby sitters are getting rich
I have been on a circuit of after-dmner speeches
for several years. That is probably one reason I
am so aware of the large number of or,
For years I have told audiences, "Why dont you
go home and be with your family instead of lis-
tening to me?" uhat
Everyone laughs, slaps his leg, and says, What
a card this Gardner is!" Then they invite me back
the next year to make the same talk to the same
audience. I'm getting discouraged. The only result
so far is that my own children hardly recognize me
Robert Gardner
A graduate of the University
of Southern California,
Robert Gardner has had more
than 20 years' experience as a
lawyer and judge. In 1938 he
was appointed judge of the
city court of Newport Beach,
Cali., at the age of 26 and
was belietied to be the youngest
jurist in the United States
at the time. He was appointed
to his present post in 1947
by Chief Justice Earl Warren,
then gouernor of California.
During World War II Judge
Gardner jerued on the staff
of Admiral Nimitz in the Pacific
and left the Navy as a
lieutenant commander.
on those rare evenings when I'm home!
This organization thing is a good idea if taken
moderately. Ask yourself how many evenings dur
ing the last 30 days your family has been together.
If you have been a better member of the Sons and
Daughters of I Will Arise than you have been a
husband, wife, or parent, stop and take stock.
There will be plenty of time after the children are
on their own to be Mr. and Mrs. Community Spirit.
I don't advocate that we ignore community obliga
' tions; I merely recommend that we accept
them with reason and discretion. Certainly we
should try to make our community a better place
to live in, but that aspect of our responsibility is
quite minor to the importance of maintaining a
healthy and normal family relationship.
No matter how hard we try to improve our com
munity, the outside world is always going to present
dangerous situations to our children. It is consid
erably more practical to fortify our children-against
these situations by healthy character training in
the home than to send them out unprepared because
we spent too much time worrying about the rest
of the world. There is no better way to instill
proper character than the physical proximity of
loving, affectionate, decent parents.
t o.r.v.aiTia thp dancer of this organization
business, I often use myself as an example. I
was overseas for two years during World War II.
We had a daughter who was about a year old when
I left and three years old when I returned. As
I spent two years on various unromantic Pacific
Islands, I felt very sorry for myself. I had ration
alized my thinking to the point where it was my
daughter who was suffering because of my absence.
Here was this poor child growing up in an unbal
anced home a potential female Jack the Ripper.
I told myself, "If you ever get back and you
have another child, you're going to spend all your
time with her to make up for what daughter No. 1
missed while you were away." After the war ended,
I returned home, resumed the practice of law, and
took part in community activities as a young man
wanting to make a place for himself in the com
munity. I joined everything service, fraternal,
civic, veterans, business, and professional clubs all
the groups I could get into. I headed drives and
chairmaned committees.
Then I became a judge, and subsequently a poli
tician. I became an after-dinner speaker not a
good one but an available one. I was busy. Meet
ings. Meetings.
One day I noticed in the local paper that Mrs.
Gardner had given birth to another daughter. I
can't say that it came as a complete surprise, but
I certainly took it in stride. I continued with my
numerous organizations. Our community must have
,bccn a better place to live in, because I lavished
so much time, care, and affection on it
Then I did a tour of duty as judge of the juvenile
court. As I watched those unfortunate youths come
through my court, I began to realize that many of
them were there because of the lack of a very
simple thing a home, complete with two parents.
I applied this to myself. I found I fit the picture
perfectly. Suddenly 1 realized that daughter No. 2
was now three years old, and I had seen little more
of her than I had of my first child wnen j was
2,000 miles away.
I stopped, took stock of myself, and changed my
way of life. I began to miss meetings, turn down
committees, refuse speaking engagements. Some
what ruefully, I will have to admit that the com
munity has apparently gone on as well as before.
But now I know my family; we are together; we
are a family. It's wonderful. I know that one day
it will pay big dividends. I recommend it highly.
family Weekly. .June J, 1951
ramify Weekly. June I, 19S8 j
VJ