author of "Brothers and Sisters" and "The Eldest Child"
but she falls for every weird fad that comes along.
She says she can't eat lean meat and that fats are
good for her. I won't have my kids raised on noth
ing but pork roasts, fritters, and peanut butter.
Can't eat the stuff myself. I've told her, 'You cut
out serving this kind of gook, or I'll cut out your
housekeeping money.' Why, if I let her get away
with this, heaven knows where it would end.
Never appease a woman. You can write that in
your book as rule No. 1 for getting along with
them. Just don't give up an inch!"
The Sprats, we may infer, were not held back
by false pride, childish selfishness, or stubborn
ness, and they probably had some good laughs
over their opposing tastes. Gaiety, we may guess,
reigned more often than sour looks as they licked
the platter clean. Theirs was no small achievement
Smoothing out difficulties with effective com
promises draws on truly adult feelings. It calls
for a genuine desire to find ways of working out
troublesome or potentially troublesome situations.
"Conceding the right of the other person to his
tastes, sometimes even his foibles and
weaknesses, is the first step toward the right
attitude. Only then can you seek a comfortable
meeting ground. Yet some people would rather
magnify their difficulties and sulk in self-imposed
martyrdom than try to find a sensible solution.
"With me it's all or nothing," Clarice Vaughn
said "11 TC wani" wa'cb baseball on TV every
night, let'hlm waich. 2 to my mother's; - to
a movie by myself. He can choose ucinC" n$ an,
the Yankees, but he can't have us both. I wop''.
sit there with the TV set blasting away, and not
a word said to me until the last out of the game."
As a result of this stand, Clarice and Ted had
less and less communication, fewer and fewer
common interests. Ted's baseball-watching became
a central issue in a deteriorating relationship.
Clarice might have profited by listening to Carol,
but she was more interested in playing the neg
lected wife and showing Ted up as a selfish oaf.
"I felt just as unwanted as you do, when night
baseball was on TV last year," Carol Barker told
Clarice. "There I was all day, cooped up with
16-month-old Jill and the baby. Come evenings,
Joe was glued to the television set even before he
finished dinner. I tell you, it got me down!
"Then one night he said he'd heard nothing but
talk, talk all day and he was tired, so he turned
the sound off. While he was sitting there looking
at the picture, I had an idea. Why couldn't he play "
Scrabble with me and keep one eye on the ball
game? The next evening I suggested we try it.
Believe it or not, it worked. Now he sees the game,
and at the same time he plays double solitaire or .
Scrabble with me. We have real fun that way.
Once in a while I forget it's my move when the
bases are loaded and the batter has two strikes on
him. And Joe has even become so interested in our
game as to miss a double play. Why don't you and'
your husband try our system?"
"Not a chance," Clarice said. "If my husband '
doesn't want to spend his evenings with me, I'm
not going to coax him. He can wait a long time
before I dream up any schemes that let him have
his cake and eat it, too. I have some pride, and I
won't beg for his company." Claries was inflexible.
That kind of pride builds barriers to mutual
esteem and affectionate companionship achieved
through intelligent, imaginative compromises such
."" l's and Toe's. One of the valuable by
products of wortlhg CA differences in this way is
not merely that you gain e;:.",, .V8rds b
a few inches, but you usually find that connuux..
in your husband or wife has been reinforced.
Those who are adroit in arriving at agreements
will tell you that a fundamental technique is to
be clear about what you want and willing to state
your side fairly and calmly. Without good-natured
honesty, you cannot approach your goal of a
mutually happy partnership.
Frank expression may be alarming to extremely
timid or sensitive souls because- it involves the
risk of rebuff, but that's a risk worth taking.
Silence may be more costly in the long run. Hus
bands and wives, especially in the early years of
marriage, are not the mind readers the ultra
romantic would like to believe. Love may indeed
be quite blind to what the loved one is thinking.
There can be no basis for compromise unless you
both put your cards on the table.
Fruitless sacrifices and snowballing confusions
often can be avoided by frankly stating opinions
and expressing feelings. Your true aims may be
closer than you imagine. Pete and Shirley Ryan
could have avoided an acutely unhappy year had
each not chosen to appear noble and self-denying
in an Alphonse and Gaston routine.
Shirley's 19-year-old sister Kate was left home
less when their mother died. She had a job of sorts,
but she was not fully self-supporting. Pete liked
to think of himself as a man who did the right
thing, or what appeared to be right. He insisted
that Kate live with them, but Shirley wasn't so
eager to have her careless, overexuberant, flirta
tious sister under her roof. She feared there would
be no peace and little privacy. But if Pete thought
sharing their small apartment with Kate was the
only solution, how could she refuse?
From the day Kate moved in, Pete felt imposed
upon, and resented her. Shirley and her sister
quarreled continually. Only after an unappreci
ative Kate moved to the "Y," where she said she
had wanteJ L" the rlace- did Pete and
(Continued P ?0C
Ciwe-and-Take Is te Key o a Happy Home.
lull 53(Sn 'i
Pholoi by Micloy Pallas
COD
mm
Ilk1"'
A strict mother and an easygoing father A couple's Idea of relaxation may differ Partners should be able to tall out mutual
should attempt a more uniform discipline, but usually there's a way to please both, problems and join In working out solution.
Family Weekly. March IS. 1951 IT