VOL. II.
M c M innville .
NO. 10
Th©
ouegon ,
T hursday , J anuary
13.
is«7
PRICE TWO CENT8.
this afternoon a bos.ier came in ano
WIT AND HUMOK.
asked me for titty cents. I knew that
he wanted it to get a drink, but 1 gave
•‘Care may kill a cat, but a bootjack
With all eondeeocnslon, 1 call your attention
I To what I would mention of Rrtn so freon.
it to him without a question, because I sent with proper precision is more
Entered in the Postoffioe at MoMinnville for
And without hesitation, tell how that nation. know he has the placing of the horse­
speedy in its action.
Transmission Through the Mails as Sec­
Became of oreatlon the *em and the queen.
shoeing of a man who owns three I “Chartered oppressors” is the latest
ond Class Matter.
It happened one morning, without any warn­ horses?’
for “blasted monopoly,” and it comes
ing.
“How about coachmen?”
That
sweet
Vanua
was
born,
in
the
midst
of
from the wild West. too.
T 0
the say.
"Well, a little over a year ago I sold
D. O. IRELAND.
E. L.E. WHITE. And by
Give a tramp the cold shoulder ono
the same token, and sure ‘twas pro a carriage to a gentleinau and got #426
voklng,
day, and be will ooine back the next .
■or pinions were soaking, and wouldn’t for it True, I made the sale somewhat for potatoes to go with it.
D. C. IRELAND A Co.,
give play.
through the influence of the coachman,
- * •
•s’.:,
j ('
...
<
“I can do what I like with my color»
and
1 would have been willing to pay
PIBLINHEKS.
OM Neptune, who knew her, began to pursue
now.
” said the proud youug scholar.
him
a
slight
commission.
”
I mp
“So could I at your age,” answered
In order to woo her, the wioked old Jew;
'
Lt
‘
■
“
What
did
he
demand?
”
T h * D aily R kpobtkb is issued every day And very nigh oaught her on top of the water.
“He called around and said he want­ the master, “but now 1 can only do
When great Jupiter’s daughter cries, "Fath­
in the week exoept Sundays, and is delivered
er, what shall I dor*
ed $25. I offered him $10, and he ap­ what other people like.”
in the oity at 10 oents per week. By mail, 40
peared insulted. Then 1 got mad,
A Washington photographer is get­
A star that was flying, around him espying.
oents per month in advanoe. Rates for ad­
words followed, and the meeting ended ting a portrait of an Indiana man in
Great Jupiter seised, and hurled it below.
vertising same as for T h * W** kly R xpobte *. When it tumbled like winking, on Neptune by my saying 1 would smash his nose.” the act of not getting an office. The •
while sinking,
negative will be preserved.— Louisville
“Served him right”
••
▲nd gave him. I’m thinking, a terrible
(ay) Courier-Journal.
“
But
that
didn't
end
it
About
a
?,
blow
&
Jeb
Pr fat lag. ▲nd that star became dry land, lowland and
month
later
the
man
who
bought
the
The advance in the price of nails 1»
highland,
-v—r
▲nd formed our sweet island, the land of carriage came around and hinted that probably brought about by their scar­
We beg leave to aiinoanoe to the public
my birth;
I had cheated him; that the wheels city. So many campaign lies were
that we have just added a large stook of new Thia true is the story, as it came down from wouldn’t ‘track? and that it pulled a nailed last year that it has sent the
novelties to oar business, and make a special­
great deal harder than when he first market up. — brooklyn limes.
so lovely U a heaven on earth.
ty of Letter Heads, Bill Heads, Note Heads,
bought <t 1 asked him to bring the
A city photographer went into the
Venus eo stately jumped on Bnn s» buggy around to the shop, and when he I
Statements, Business Cards, Ladies’ Calling Tken neatly,
suburbs for the purpose of taking a
did
so
I
took
the
wheels
off
and
found
Cards, Ball levitations (new designs) Pro­
But fainted quite lately, eo bothered and
live bull from life. For a two-paile>rua
that the axletree had been wrenohed,
grammes, Posters, and all descriptions of Which preosed,
did eo bewilder, but ere it had killed and by main force, so that the wheel the chance^ seemed good fbr the bull
work. Terms favorable. Call and be con­
her
taking the artist from life.—YoiUwrs ■
■er father distilled her a wee drop of “the did not set squarely on it. In this way Statesman.
vinced.
D. C. IRELAND A CO.
best."
•
• - V
»
»
, ■.
t
• . ».
friction had ground the axletree just
• '/ •
•
> i . j .X .
1 ■ .
>
They had been quarreling.
quarreling
“$o yon
where
the
box
hits
the
shoulder.
”
lass was victorious,
▲nd that gleet
---- _ it made M
wi»h
there
was
i
__
__
O. W. QOÜOHBB.
B. *. OOÜCHBB.
another
war,
do you,
feel glorious.
“How do you know that it was done
▲ little uproarious,
William?” she j observed.
observed, ••Yea, I do,
out, 1 vow and can prove,
by
main
force?
”
blame us, proud of Brin i
how can yea 1'
Coucher & Coucher. Then famous.
“Because, suspecting that, 1 told th» he replied, ••Well, William, I will try
For beauty and virtue, for whiskey and employer of the demand the coachman to accommodate you.” And she dh£
,
PHYSICIANS AND SURGEONS.
¡ore. •________ _
had made on me, and he taxed the fel­ N. T. GrapKie.
M c M imnvili . e
....
O bbocm . »1 J i
: •
low with it, at the same tipoe charging
A forlorn-looking man said: **Vv9
Curious Money-Making Schemes. him with having bent the axle. Then tried everything that I could turn my
<
..... . ■ a <
Offioe and reaidenoe, corner of Third and
That’s how I hand to, but couldn’t make anything
To be in the commission business is the man confessed.
D. streets, next to the postoffioe
answer; and now 1 have decided ta go
considered an honorable calling, but it know.”— Detroit Free Press.
up among the hills, where they say
has come to pass that there are a class
It costs $800.000.000 a rear to maim- there’s a wonderful echo, to see if I nan
of commission men who are not only a
make that answer.”
nuisance to their employers, but they lain the standing armies of Europe.
It is not true that the whole is al­
are
an
ulcer
on
the
nose
of
hoDest
deal
­
We respectfully suggest to the lemon­
Late of New Orleans, La.,
ways
equal to the sum of all its parte
ing, quite offensive.
ade-venders that thev purchase a new
Piles and Fistula a Spe­
“It happens almost every week,” said lemon this year. The cost will be tri­ The axiom, for instance, falls to
a well-known butcher, “that I am ap- fling, and tne lemon will last them for pieces in the case of a head of hair. In
ciality. Consultation
Siroached
by stewards either of private many generations.
The lemon which that instance, the larger and mom
firee. 5« Cure
am
¡lies,
hotels,
or
steamboats,
who
they
have
used
for
so many years is, numerous are the parts, the less is the
Ao Pay.
give me to understand that for a quiet doubtless, valuable as a historical relic, whole hair.— Life.
Ratiocination:
8mail Gertrude (A
fy Offioe with H. V. V. Johnson, M. D.; •tip’ once in a while they will turn their and is fragrant with the aroma of old
employer’s trade to my market.”
associations.
But the present genera­ years old)—Mamma, I quite agree with
McMinnville, Oregon.
“W nat do you do?”
tion is thoughtless, tin roman tic, and you. Mamma—Why, my ohild, what
“If I think the trade is worth having fickle, and craves for something new.— > does agree mean? S. G«—When two
sas . m ’ oain .
h . hublby .
I give the fee. Why not? Others do Abnn Union.
persons think alike. Mamma—What
it,
and the only way I can tight ’em is
does
disagree mean? 8. G.
~ —When
McCain & Hurley,
Mr. Howells says the home of fiction one person thinks alike.
with their own weapons. Why, only
ATTORNEVS.AT.LAW
the other day I had the meat cook in is to be America. Mr. Howells has eri- 1 The hairdresser at the Jardin das
dently been reading the newspaper ao
AND NOTARIES PUBLIC, one of the largest and most fashion­
Plantes with hie little son: ••My boy.
able boarding-houses in the city tell me ootints of storms iq the West, where here you see how unequally nature dis­
Lafayette, Oregon,
were
lodged
on
the
tops
of
four-
mules
that if 1 would give her live per cent,
tributes her gifts. This creature, for
Especial attention paid to abstracts of title commission she’d bring me the trade story trees and hailstones fell “as large instance, ie tflie tortoise, of whose shell
as
pumpkins.
”
And
yet
we
don
’
t
sup
­
and settlement of estates in probate.
of the house, which probably amounts
pose the newspapers would exaggerate the lest hairpins are made, but whiok,
Offioe -Jail buiding, up stairs.
to $20 or $25 a week. ”
about a little thing like that.—Aorrts- unfortunately, has no hair itself.”
“And you didn't take the bid?”
Customer—Give me a pound of oleo
“No; Because I have reason to know town Herald.
margarine.
Grocer — Yes, ma’am)
that she couldn’t fill the contract.”
it is estimated that there are 100,000,-
The reporter’s next visit was to one 000 acres of land on the Pacific coast here’s your change. Customer—Why,
Fashionable Dressmaker« of the leading grocery stores in the city, that are especially adapted to wheat cul­ tou’ve charged ine 19 cents; it used to
and when tne object of his visit was ture. Of this California has 25,000,000, e 18. Grocer Yes, ma'am; but wo
p4F“The Taylor System of Cutting and Fit­ made known the proprietor remarked: or one-fourth of the whole; Oregon has are not allowed to sell it now—there’s
I
ting employed.
“Yes, I hear of such things once in 18,000,000 acres, Washington Territory a law agin it—eo it’» dearer.— N. T.
In fact, I kicked a great has 16.000,000 acres. Colorado and Idaho Mail.
Third street, Next to Bishop A Kay’s store. awhile.
Edith. you want to kno^v “whether
MoMinnville. Or.
I mealy-mouthed man out of my store 10,000,000 each, Montana Utah and
one day last wiuter who had informed Wyoming 7.000,000 each, and the great funny men on newspapers ever laugh
me that unless 1 did the square thinjj bulk of all this wheat land yet lies un­ at their own jokes,’’ do you, dear?
Yea, Edith, often; In fact, in a good
With him he would take his employer s touched.
trade to another store. I asked him
When the patent granolithic sidewalt I many cases you will find that they are
Hair Cutting, Miavinr and *bam. what he thought would be square, and pavement ia first put down it ia very the only onqs who do laugh at them;
he replied that I ought to furnish him sticky, but it hardens quickly.
Thia ia but, of Course, this Is confidential.—
pooing Purler.
’
with what groceries and canned goods why a young couple of Bridgeport who boston Pool.
would be used by his family.”
stood on a fresh slab of the composition
On one of the little brown jugs sent
“That was modest enough."
while bidding each other good night out by a Methodist Sunday-school and
“Yes, that was cheap, but I didn't had to be dug ont with a pickax. Their gravely presented to hks friends tor
C. H. FLEMING, Proprietor.
like
the cheek of the fellow. Those shoes were ruined, but they were very their contributions, an old deacon had
(Successor to A. C. Wyndham.)
cases are rare, but I’ll tell you a system grateful to the night watchman who pasted the motto, “When I Am full
not so rare. Cooks and stewards often released them, and who promised not to send me home.” Evidently the old
Ladies and children’s work a specialty.
fWI have just added to my parlor the make bargains with butchers and gro­ tall
deacon didn't know about the boys oa
Joseph Pulitzer, proprietor of the New Year’s.
largest and finest stock of cigars ever in this cers through the drivers of the delivery
»ity. Try them.
cart» and wagons. That's common, New York World, is credited with the
I held her tiny hand In mine, and
and I’ve even heard where the drivers possession of $400,000 in registered fl­ elas)»ed.
her fairy form, and told my
per-cent
bonds,
and
his
income
for
ths
make quite a little commission in this
D. C. IRELAND A CO.,
tale of Ardent love in language sweet
eurr^ut
year
is
estimated
at
$300,000,
way.”
and warm- And when I paused for
Next a visit was made to a prosper­ indicating the possession of property to want.of breath, she raised her dimpled
the
amount
of
$7,500,000.
Twenty
ous carriage builder and repairer, who
chin and whispered low, '.‘I don’t oaiok
didn’t hesitate to say that coachmen I year» ago he was a penniless boy in St I ou, plea»« sing your song again.”—!
Louis
and hostlers tapped him fur tip«. “Only
McMinnville, Oregen.
How Ireland Became the “Isle Uf
Beauty“ and “Grin of the Sen."
WHIT
f
.
DR. I. C. TAYLOR,
Mrs. M. Shadden
15c SHAVING 15c.
Fine Job Printers,