Chief Grafefc, of the National Bureau
of Engraving and Printing, being asked
what design would be placed on the
government oleomargarine stamps, said
6* had thought "a «ttiffed goat—a bogus
‘•butt r,’ a« it were would be about
the right thing.’’ This will be received
b_t th. victim-. of the law as the gravest
joke yet developed by this adnnniatra»
tine. -
Pedantic old gentleman (to restaurant
waiter)—“! believe ’It is improper to
apeak disrespectfully of one’s elders?”
K W
• So IA-- <••1.1. - r. ”
I’ <). (i.
— "Thun 1 will be silent concerning the
duckling you have just brought me.”—
Loudon Judy.
Old gentleman (to small boy smoking
a cigarette) —“Little boy, don't you
know that a great many people die
from smelting cigarettes?”
Small boy
—“Yes (puff), but many ueople (puff)
die who (puff) don’t smoke ’em."—
New York, limet.
One ot the most humiliating experien­
ces m a man’s life is to sit in a dentist’s
chair and have him bore up six or eight
inches into the head x\itii<nit notice ably
interfering with the brain which was
supposed to till the upper story. — Nor- \
w.<h Uu.lelm.
Teiiqiorarily Embarrassed The-piai
— "What, only $6?”
Cautious inicie - I
“(Hit te vateli lie! better chewels 1 voiild
gif you more.'
T. E. T.—“lx>ok here,
Levi! I believe that if 1 brought you the
Kohinoor you'd find some fault with it”
Cautious uncle "Veil, you know dere
ajn’t much market now tor dem larch
diamonts.” f’Ae Judge.
M iMtClaru "Such a shocking acci­
dent at the ball game this afternoon,
mamma!
Poor Mr. Twobagger was
run into and instantly killed. Mamma
*-"Terrible.
The game was stopped,
of course.”
Miss Clara “No; Mr.
Onebagger took his place ami the game
went on
But. mainuia. it wasn’t near­
ly so interest lug. Mr. Twobagger win
such a lovely
pitcher.” -New York
Times.
We do not believe that a lien scratches
for n living. She scratches for exercise.
If you don t believe it. watch a well-fed
hen in her humble cage at the market.
Stic will scratch on the sheet-iron floor
with all the vigor of a gold-digger, and
affect to find things to eat wiin all the
innocent assumption of a man who
slips on the ice, break* both legs and
his back, and tries to look as though he
badn t fallen down. Hurd»tie.
Declined with thanks. Monsieur R.,
the well-known painter, is at work on a
picture representing a nymph in very
scant costume.
1 'lie other dav while
he was w aiting for a young girl who
was posing as his model an old lady of
mature years and rotund figure made
her appearance. "My daughter is ill.”
•aid this respectable matron, ••and she
will not lie aide to pose this morning.
If monsieur wishes, 1 will take her
oiace.” t'uris Figaro.
The blind men of Brooklyn are in the
main self-supporting. Ail are engaged
either in commercial pursuits or else
work at trade*
Piano-tuning is their
favorite pursuit
Nearly all are mar­
ried and have families.
None have
married wives similarly affected, and
the total number of blind men in the
city, which is less than one hundred, are
friendly, and aid each other in time of
need. One of them is worth *100,000,
and a dozen more are worth halt that
amount
Mr Howells says the home of fiction
la to be America. Mr. Howells has evi­
dently bis’ii reading the newspaper ao
connts of storms in the West, where
mules were lodg <1 on the top« of four-
•torv trees and hailstone* fell "as large
ae pumpkins.” And yet we don't sup­
pose the newspapers would exaggerate
•bout a little tiling like that.—Aorrte-
kus Lera d. •
"Mamma, what'« hereditary*” asked
Bobby, laboriously tripping over the
•yllab.es of the ioug word. "Why, it is
—It ta anything you get from your fa­
ther or
nr me,
me," nudk
repihal the mother, a little
puuled for a definition suited to his
year*. Sileno* of two m.nut««. "Then,
ma." he aioced. **i* spaiikina hrredlta-
ryF”—7W-2/»4x
A favorite retort—before the fire.
MISCELLANEOUS BUSINESS
MISCELLANEOUS.
«RUIT
mi:
TRANSCONTINENTAL -ROUTE
UORTHERNnACinCnAILROAD
TIME IS MONEY!
mi
14 I i
SHOKEST!
SAVE
Time and Money i»y
T
MV
calling <it
W.
F
llllllllllllllirTHE
THE
DIRECT
WWW
VV
REDMONDS.
TO
DINING CAB
NO
KOI TE!
LINEiWW/iW/i;Wfi
DELAYS!
FASTEST THAIVS!
15 M4.MR To CHICAGO and all points EAST
XwZLwuS Tickets sold to all PROVIINENT POI\ri
mwwvww
Throughout the East and Southeast,
faAMT
PAMMK^KRN!
!r BE CAREFUL AND DO NOT MAKE A MISTAKE—BUT BE SURE
------- TO TAKE THE
THE
ortlwn
Goods are going oil*
And see that your ticket leads via Portland and
LIKE
HOT
CAKES.
And Time
—=St. PAUL or MINNEAPOLIS.^^-
To avoid changes and serious delays occasioned by other routes. Throurt
Emigrant Sleeping Cars are run on Regular Express Trains Fn|] P
Length of the Line. Berths Free.
LOWEST RATES!
------- LT-
QUICKEST TIME'
------- o-------
GENERAL OFFICE OF
THE COMPANY,
lor Bargains is short No. 2 Washington St., Portland, Oregon.
A.
CALL TO-DAY,
For no man knoweth
OiSF”
ver
D. CHARLTON, General Western Passenger Agent.
ailroad,
acific
oute.
P opular
icturesque R anges.
Comes to-morrow.
F. W. REDMOND.
Fast Time, Sure Connection, New Equipi?ent
The Oregon and California R. R.
And Connections.
TIME, 2| DAYS.
Fare from Portland to San Franoisoo
to Sacramento, $30.
Aooommooiitions unsurpassed for comfort
Close connections made at Ashland with
and safety.
Fares and Freights MUCH stages of the California, Oregon and Idaho
LESS than by any other route between all stage company.
in Willamette valley and San Franoisoo.
(DAILY EXCEPT SUNDAYS.)
Only Route via Yaquina Bay
To
San Francisco.
DAILY PASSENGER TRAINS
Japanese Cleansing
CREAM
C.
VIA
225 Miles Shortest
20 Hours Less Time.
WHAT
it.
OVERLAND TO CALIFORNIA
(Exoept Sundays.)
Leave Corvallis at 2 p. m. Leave Ya­
quina at 7:10 a. m.
East Slide Division.
HETWEEN POHIItMlA ASHLAXB
Vlail Train.
ARKITE.
Portiand£AVE 8:0<> a . m . Ashland...... 4.(X ia . k .
Ashland
8:45 f . m . Portland..... 3:45r.x
Albany Express Train.
LEAVE.
Portland....4:00 p.
Lebanon....4:45 a .
ARRIVE.
m .
m .
Lebanon
Portland
.9:20 I. a
io;« a . a
Pullman Palace Sleeping Cars
daily between Portland and Ashland.
Oregon and California, West side, trains
I The O. <t C. K. R. Ferry makes connection
oonneot at Corvallis.
i with all the regular trains on the east silk
Haiiufiiclurer and
: division from foot of F street.
The » >regon Development Company's
VIANEE,
*>ole I'roprietor.
McMinnville
...
Oregon.
FINE Al
Steamship Yaquina Qity
West Side Division.
RET. POHTI.AND AN D < <IKVALI.II.
Vlail Train.
LEAVE.
ARRIVE.
This preparation is unequalled for cleans­
ing garments of all soiled spots. Paint, Tar,
Portland... 7:30 a . m . MoM’nville. 10:12 a . X
Grease, etc , eradicated instantly Give it a
MoM’nville 10:13 a . m . Corvallis.. .12-25 r. X
SAILS
trial. writ may be had of your druggist,
r. a
From Yaquina,
From San Francisco, ! Corvallis... 1:30 p. m . MoM’nville. 3:43
local agent, or by addressing the undersign­ Sunday.... .Oct. Ki1 Monday ....
MoM’nville 3:44 p. m . Portland.. . 6:15 P. a
i
ed. Agents Wanted.
H. (’. M ANEE.
Friday .... . “ 22 Saturday......... 44
At Corvallis connect with trains of th»
McMinnville, Oregon Wednesday Nov, 3 Thursday....
<4
Oregon Paoific for
Monday....
“ 15 Wednesday... Noy.
Yaquina
Bay.
«
Saturday...
“ 27 Monday.........
MT.
CHARLO
HOTEL,
The < 'ompanv reserves the right to ohange
Hailing days. Ft ares, between Corvallis and
I*. MÜLTNEH. Prop.,
San
---- Francisco, Rail and Cabin, $14; Kail
and Steerage, (¡9.88.
(’orner Third and B street«,
For information apply to
( HAS.
AS. C.
C HOGUE,
n< wiwvii . le
.
.
oregon
Acting Gen. F. and Pass. Agent.
New honre! New fnrnitnre! Unsnrpnsred
Corvallis, Oregon
in the country Rates—*! to <2 per day ac­
cording to room. Single meals 25 cents.
Isslging. 25 to 50 cents according to room.
Board Hiid Lodging, |4 to ft»;, per week. Two
line Sample K.s.ms for commercial men.
Give me a call and see for vonrrelf.
o
The Hl’YKKA* UllDK U
tuned Sept, tud March,
cnrh yraar. •<- 31* p«(M,
8'» 1 **S h»clA«>».wilh over
3,BOO lllwtr»Uoni — a
whole Plctwre Uallery.
U1VKM Wholuilc Price,
rt.rcrl t0 roMumm on all good. for
perwnal or frmlly war. Tell, low to
order, and giveo era«* eo.t of every-
Uhing
«aw, eat. drink, wear, or
kave fWu wit*. These INVALVAHl.K
HOOK« ro.Uln Information gleaned
front Ikr market, of the world. We
will mall a cv
I'RKK to any ad«
dree, npon receipt of 10 eta. to defray
expenw of (mailing. Let ua hear from
yon.
He» pew t frtlly,
MONTGOMERY WARD A CO.
tn A ttt Wahaah Aveaae, CMcw«o. HL
City Stables
HENDERSON BROS.,
Express Train.
LEAVE.
I
ARRIVE.
Portland ...4:50 p. m . MoM’nville..8:00 1 *
MoM’nville .5:45 a . m . ¡Portland ...9:00 Li-
Lax»! tickets for sale and baggage cheeked
at the company’s up-town offioe. oorner of
Pine and Second streets. Tickets for prin­
cipal points in California oan only be pro­
cured at company’s offioe, Corner F »nd
Front streets Portland, Or.
Frieght will not be reoeived for shipow*
after five o'clock p. m. on either the east «
west side divisions.
E. P KOGERS,
R. KOEHLER.
G. F. & P A«“1-
Manager.
samuel
corr,
Late of Independence, having purchased tin
TEAMS AXD TRICK*
Of Logan Bros. A Henderson, offer«
services in that line to the public, and <l!1
Guarantee
To all who favor him with their
He will keep a wagon speoir’.ly»d*l*e<1 fnr
Ample room to ears for ho
_
delivery of parcels, trunks satchels
teams at as reasonable ratee as any where in the aooomooation of the publio. Crd*
Oregon. New stable Third St.. McMinnville. at the stable will be promptly attended