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About The Yamhill County reporter. (McMinnville, Or.) 1886-1904 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 18, 1901)
Not the Grammatical Kind. Catarrh NAMES THAT ARE POPULAR, "hWat is a conjunction?” asked the teacher. “That which joins together,” was The cause exists in the blood, in the prompt reply. what causes inflammation of the “iGve an illustration,” said the mucous membrane. teacher. The up-to-date girl hesitated and It is therefore impossible to cure blushed. “The marriage sevice, ” the disease by local applications. she said at last—Chicago Post. It is positively dangerous to neg Philosopic. lect it, because it always affects “Poor Boy!” excaimed O’Hara the stomach and deranges the condoling with Cassidy, who has been general health, and is likely to injured by a blast. “ ’Tis tough luck teh have have yer hand blowed develop into consumption. off.” Many have been radically and permanently “Och, faith, it might have bin cured by Hood’s Sarsaparilla. It cleanses the wurse,” replied Cassidy, "Suppose I blood and has a peculiar alterative and tonic had me week’s wages in it at the effect. R. Long. California Junction, Iowa, writes: "I had catarrh three years, lost my toime.”—Philadelphia Press. appetite and could not sleep. My head pained me and I felt bad all over. I took Hood’s Sarsaparilla and now have a good appetite, sleep well, and have no symptoms of catarrh.” Lucky Shortage. "Yes, my wife reads every blessed receipt she finds in the papers. ” "Heavens; and does she try them all?” "No, she doesn’t. In fact she Promises to cure and keeps the never tries a solitary one of them.” “How does that happen?” promise. It is better not to put oil “Why, she’s always out of some treatment—buy Hood’s today. thing. ”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Hood's Sarsaparilla Aggravating Man. Mrs. Flitey—My husband’s the meanest thing., He had the rheu- matism when he woke up this morn- ing. Airs. Hitey—Well? Mrs. Fliety—Well, that’s a sure sign of rain, and I’ve got a lawn party on for this afternoon.—Phila delphia Press. America L'.a.la. In consequence of the great demand for cotton goods, the United States consumed more raw cotton than Great Britain, whieli has always held supremacy in this indus try, just as Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters has been the best family medicine, and which has retained its prestige for over 50 years. Today tlie Bitters is used in almost every home. It cures dyspepsia, indigestion, constipation and biliousness, also purities the blood, calms the nerves and builds up the entire system. Elaborate. <9 Thia signature is on every box of the genuine Laxative Bromo=Quinine Tablets the remedy that cures a cold in one day A Formula. A placard posted throughout a country town announced the opening of a theatre as “under the manage ment of Miss Blank, newly decorated and painted.”—Tid-Bits. ÏOH KNOW WHAT you ARE TAKING When vou take Grove's Tasteless Chill Tonic, “Aren’t you going to buy me one, because the formula is plainly printed on every bottle showing that it is simnly Iron and Qui mamma?” nine in a tasteless form No Cure, Ne Bay. 50e. “Buy you another new hat? That would be extravagant!” No Assistance Required. “Oh, we could tell papa it was “It Inks to me as if yez was tliry- such a love of a hat I had to have it.” in’ to make trouble bechune me an’ There is more Catarrh in this section of the the folks up stair».” country than all other diseases put together, “Divil a bit! If Oi wanted to make and until the last few years was supposed to be trouble for anybody Oi’d do it for incurable. For a great many years doctors pro nounced it a local disease, and prescribed local them thot’s not so able to do it for remedies, and by constantly failing to cure thimselves!”—Puck. with local treatment, pronounced it incurable. Science has proven catarrh to be a constitu tional disease, and therefore requires constitu The Best Prescription tor Malaria tional treatment. Hall’s Catarrh Cure, man ¿hills and Fever is a bottle of Grove’s Tasteless ufactured by F. J. Cheney A Co., Toledo, Ohio, Chill Tonic. It is simply iron and quinine In is the only constitutional cure on the market. a tasteless fern. No Cure. No Pay. Price 50c. It is taken internally in doses from 10 drops to a teaspoonful. It acts directly on the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. They offer One Well Paid Bank Clerk. one hundred dollars for any case it fails to cure. Send for circulars and testimonials. Ad “I tell you, bank clerks are not dress, F. J. CH ENEY <& CO., Toledo, O. sufficiently remunerated,” exclaimed Sold by Druggists, 75c. Hall’s Family Pilis are the best. the broker quite forcibly. “Oh. I don’t know,” said the bank president, with a sad smile. “Our Dolly—Would you marry a title? last receiving teller got about $20,000 Madge—I wouldn’t mind one of a year for six years.” those coal barons.—Judge. The greatest professional athletes use Stotts the Cough and Wizard Oil for a ••rub-down.” It soft Works Ct* the Cold. ens the muscles and prevents sorenees. Laxative Bromo-Quinin,' Tablets cure a cold in A Mercenary Beauty. one day. No cure, No Pay. Price 25 cents. Wanted a Test. The Tramp—Yes’m. I’ve tried to cure the drink habit. Airs. Good.—You have? The Tramp—Yes’m. I’m tryin’ the faith cure now, an’ I’d like to get a nickel to see if I could keep it with out spendin’ it for beer.—Puck. Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their children during the teething period. Oh, That’s Different! Caller—The minister’s son is fol lowing in the footsteps of the spend thrift, young Jenks. Miss Prim — Isn't that scandalous? Caller—Hardly as bad as that. You see he’s a tailor and is trying to collect his bill.—Chelsea Gazette. Piso’s Cure cannot be too Ipghly spoken of as a cough cure.—.1. W. O’B rien . 322 Third Ave., N., Minneapolis, Minn., Jan. 6, 1900. RightI That Hired Girl Again. Phrenologist—Your bump of de- “Do the Smiths keep a hired girl?” tructiveness is very large. Are you a “No. They hire a good many, but Boldier or a pugilist? they don’t keep them.”—Philadel Subject—Neither. I’m a furniture phia Evening Bulletin. mover.—Tit-Bits. TO Ct’RE A COLD IN ONE DAT Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. AU IrvggiBts refund the money if it fails to cure, t. W. Grove’s signature is on each box. 25c. fiTQ Permanently Cured. Ko fit« or nervousn«« ■ I I O alter flrst Iny'. .i.e of T>r Kline’rGrrat Nerv. Hctorer. Send for Fit EE $2.00 trial bottle and treat- ,o. bn.R.H. K link . Ltd..»31 ArchSt.. Pliiludelphia.Pa The Tip to Golfers. Crimson Glare. That of William Leads All Others In the Favor of the Multitude. the Distinction. “Yes, that’s a pretty piece of brie a-brac. Where did you get it?” “In Canada. ” "What duty did you have to pay on it?” “None at all. ” “Smuggled t through, did you?” "No, I jus’ al pped it through. It isn’t smuggling unless you’re caught at it.”—Chicago Tribune. Parents display some queer uotlons of propriety in naming their children, Those of a religious turn of mind more frequently in former times than now search the scriptures before the bap.ls- tual ceremony. Parents In search of a fortune will label their luckless babes with the surname of the expected testa tor. But, nevertheless, the list of com A New Species. mon English Christian names is a very • "I would like to sell you the entire small one. Out of every lot) fathers and works of Omar Khavam. ” began the mothers of male children some elghty- the book agent glibly; "they are the four limit their choice to tifteen fauiH- finest things that ever came from a iar names. pen. ” The favorite name is uutloub'.etlly “Them's a new breed of pigs to William. In all ranks of society—in me,” commented Air. Porkanlard, the peerage as in the workhouse—Will I scratching his head doubiously. Are iam Is the commonest of male Christian they anything like Berkshire’s—Ohio names. j Sfate Journal. Stop the first 1,000 men you meet In the street. No fewer than 170 are Will Me Couldn't. iams. A long way behind come the “Oh,Air. Spoonleigh, pray rise. It Johns, closely followed by the Georges. is not right that you should kneel at Of every 1,000 men ninety-four are call my feet. Rise, I beg of you!” im ed John and ninety-two George. plored the fair lady. The next commonest name is Thomas, But he didn’t rise. His Irish did, which has seventy-four owners, while though, and lie replied solemnly: James claims seventy-two. Henry and “I’m afraid—er—Alisa Grace—I'm llarry between them are seventy in afraid I’m kneeling on your—er—that number. Of these about one in four is, you dropped your chewing gum, have received the name of Harry at and, oh, Miss Grace, I’m stuck on the baptismal font. Following them you!”—Denver Times. come Frederick with fifty-seven. Charles with forty-eight, Alfred with A Depraved Appetite. forty-five and Albert some way behind “No, we couldn’t have our usual with thirty-one. The popularity of Al ride on Sunday, and we were so dis bert has arisen entirely from the per appointed!” sonal popularity of our late Queen’s “What was the trouble?” beloved consort. It was practically un “Why, our horse got loose in the known In England before Queen Victo night and ate up his liest bonnet.”— ria’s marriage. Cleveland Plain Dealer. The good old Saxon appellation of Ed ward is given to five and twenty out of The Present Pace. every 1,000 citizens, Arthur and Robert Servant—A publisher at the door to having each twenty-three, while of the see you, sir. remainder of these 1,000 men you have Modern Author— Have him come accosted In the street seventeen are in and wait; tell him I juBt began called Joseph and fifteen Herbert. So writing a book and won’t have it done we have accounted for no fewer than for 15 minutes.—Ohio State Journal. 850 out of every 1,000 Englishmen, and they divide between them only fifteen Wrenched Foot and Ankle Cured By out of the many hundreds, nay thou St. Jacobs Oil. sands. of names from which parents are Gentlemen :—A short time ago, T at liberty to choose. Of the remaining 144 of our repre- severely wrenched my foot and ankle. sentatlve 1,000 a few. such as Richard. The injury was very painful, and Percy, or Ernest, are claimed severally the consequent inconvenience (beiug by two or three men. but all the rest obliged to keep to business) was very are the sole and exclusive property of trying. A friend recommended St. Jacobs Oil, and I take great pleasure “one In 1.000.”—Chicago Chronicle. in informing you that one applica tion was sufficient to effect a complete JULES VERNE. cure. To a busy man so simple and invaluable, The Famous French Romancer, Who effective a remedy is Ha» Become (omp'ete.y Blind. and I shall lose no opportunity of Jules Verne, wtyo is reported to have suggesting the use of St. Jacobs Oil. become totally blind at Ills home In Yours truly, Henry J. Doirs, Manager, Amiens, has been a sufferer with defi The Cycles Co., London, England. St. Jacobs Oil is safe, sure and cient eyes for a long time. The never failing. Conquers pain. great romancer of science is now In What's Saved Is Made. his seventy-third Tess—“Air. Proxy seems very anx year, but lie has ious to have his wife make over her never ceased his last year's gown.” literary work, Jess—“He’ll make over $30 or $40 even after bls if she does. ”—Philadelphia Press. sight began to fail. He published a His Reason. novel only three She — You played a very careless years ago. and. al Why don’t you keep though this did not bear the vigorous game, Jack. eye on the ball? stamp of his early work, it was by no your He—I can’t keep it on both of you. means weak. — Brooklyn Life. M. Verne recently distinguished him self by declining a seat In the French Academy for the second time. He be gan his literary career as a dramatist and for thirteen years labored success fully In that field as a writer of come dies. It was not until 1SG3 that be published the first of the stories upon which his fame was to rest. This was “Five Weeks In a Balloon.” Its Imme diate and rebounding success Induced M. Verne to continue to exploit him self in this direction and the result was Genuine that widely read series of romance which have delighted the world, young and old. for thirty years or more. M. Verne’s chief amusement since bis youth has been yachting. He owns a fine steam yaclit and his happiest days have been those spent on its decks. ABSOLUTE SECURITY. The Story of a Woman's Suffering. “D ear M rs . P inkham :—When 1 began the use of Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound I was suffering terribly. At times the pain was almost more than I could stand. My heart would nearly stop beating and .aid get cold and numb. I would ' ‘ My husband thought nanv time. I was dying auu did not dare to leave me alone. I also suffered severely at times of menstruation. “ I had tried several doctors and they told me that they had done allthatmedicinecould do. In the face of all this, and to the aston ishment of my family and friends, your reme dies cured me. I am now well and do the work for eight in the family. I feel very grateful for my recovered health.'and constantly recommend your medicine.”—M rs . C arrie B ellville , Ludington, Mich. The record of Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound is written in thousandsof such letters aa Mrs. Bellville’s. When during its whole career of thirty years no physician has to our knowledge criticised this medicine adversely, and thousands are daily pre scribing it in their practice, should you. who know lees about medi cine than they, say, “ Oh, I do not believe it is any good ” ? Mrs Pinkham advises women free of charge. Her address is Lynn, Mass. No woman knows the truth about women’s ills as thoroughly as Mrs Pinkham, and no medicine in the world done so much good as Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound. sengg » ward —gg ------------------------ i5.ooo, which will be paid to any person who can find that the above testimonial letter is not genuine, or was published before obtaining the writer’s special permission. -V ydia E. P inkham M mdicinb C o . Too Early Yet Saved. Scott—How did you like that cigar “The first game of golf was played . I gave you yesterday? in Scotland over 500 years ago.” Burns—I liked it so well that I “Wonder if they’ve found any of hadn’t the heart to burn it.—Boston the balls yet that were used in the. Transcript. game. ” FARM MACHINERY AND SUPPLIES. THE STAR OF STARS STEEL STAR WIND MILL. Has ball bearing in turn-table. Turns freely to the wind. Ball bearings thrust in wheel, insuring lightest running qualities, and reserving Be«t possible to bnlld. Rest material. Heat pro greatest amount of power for pumping. portion. Best finish. I.ightest running. Seventy Galvanized alter making. Put together years ’ experience. MltfHFi.i. L at ** | m A with galvanized bolts, double-nutted; no HTAVKK CO., 1st and Taylor Sts.. Portland, Or part can rust or get loose and rattle. Weight regulator: perfect regulation. No spring to change tension with every change of temperature, and grow weaker with age. JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon. Repairs always on nnml. Jootot Morrison Streak These things are worth money to you. Then why not buy a STAR? Can give yon the best bargains in MITCHELL, LEWIS Bunnies, flows. Boilers and Engines, & STA VER CO. Win.'mills and Pumps an i General PORTLAND, OREGON. Machinery. See us before baying. ESTABLISHED 1870. INCORPORATED 1899. G. P. RUMMELIN & SONS. 120 iscor d8t , Near Washlng oi, Portland, Oragt n. The Loading and Reliable Furriers of the Morthwosta Fur Coats, Capes, Collarettes, Boas, Etc.. .Made in all the Fashionable Furs. Fur Trimmings. Robes and Rugs. Send for Catalogue. £3^F”Furs remodeled and repaired. Write us. Carter's Puller—But what should I talk to my partner about? Putter — Her splendid play, of course. Must Bear Signature of Health Resort. Puller—And if she is a regular No more dignified or gentlemanly offi duffer? Putter—Tell her what lobsters the cial of the Government than Arthur Simmons, the old negro attendant at others are.—Brooklyn Life. the White House, can be found in See Fac-SImlle Wrapper Below. Washington; nothing disturbs his re poseful elegance of manner and speech. Very email and aa eaey A short time ago. so the story runs, he to take as «M«. was dozing in his chair when an usher hurried In and exclaimed: “There's a man downstairs who CARTERS FOR DI wants to see Mr. Cortelyou.” “He can't see him,” answered Arthur, with firmness and precision. “But this man says he's got to see him!” pleaded the messenger. “Don't know nothin’ about that,” Arthur replied, closing his eyes as If The Kind You Have Always lïoug’ht has borne the signa the interview were at an end. “Nobody ture of Chas. II. Fletcher, and lias been made under his personal supervision for over 30 years. Allow no one can see Secretary Cortelyou. He's CURE SICK HEADACHE. to deceive you in this. Imitations and this, Counterfeits, " gone Into his sanctum sanitarium.’’ •* Just-as-good ” are but Experiments, and endanger the health of Children—Experience against Experiment. Their Second Meeting. SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES. When Miss Swagger met Mr. Sap- hedde at the seaside she thought be was a millionaire and be permitted her Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare goric, Orops and Soothing' Syrups. It is Pleasant. It to think so. although be was a humble contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic clerk In a hotel at the Sqwedunk. On substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms her return home, some weeks after bls and allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind departure, It so happened that she 1236 Market St., Ran Franelieo, Cal. Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation stopped over night at the Sqwedunk and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the FULL COURSE, $60.00. Hotel. Her meeting with Mr. Rap- Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. Write for Catalogue. hedde was very embarrassing to him The Children’s Panacea—The Mother’s Friend. until she said, “Oh, you didn't tell me Summer Resolution» you were a hotel proprietor." "No,” he said, airily, "I own several hotels over the country, but I didn't THB* ffee/ey think they were hardly worth mention •ere relief bom liquor, opium aad toeaeee ing.”—Ohio State Journal. kaMti Brad fee pertugierete Little Liver Pills. Friend—Why are you star gazing at old Tippler’s red nose? Artist—I am getting inspiration for a great marine picture. Friend—What will you call it? Artist—Why,“The lighthouse be low the bridge.”—Chicago News. J rood. Eat them like candy. They CANDY] öhCQJWto taste remove any bad taste In the mouth, leav ing the breath sweet and perfumed. It I» CATHARTIC $ a pleasure to take them, and they are I What is CASTOR IA San Francisco Business College The Kind You Have Always Bought Cure It la a question which causes a moth er the more worry: A boy so sick that he Is good, or so thoroughly well that 'he Is bad. In Use For Over 30 Years. A dead whale la worth more than i eome Uva men, financially apaaklsg- to <»O Williams Hilly lliullll, Are., fartlaad, Orafon. Vealee leetHute MILD BUT SURE CURE CONSTIPATION " neve F sold ! IN BULK J will I m paid to any reader of thia paper who will r*. port to na any attempt of eubatftatioa, or aale at r‘ something fait aa rood” when Caacareta are calle* sms which we can convict. AU oorreepoadeoce ceoddeattoL $100 REWARD r .11 i i . n 1er, a«4 faralah sviAeace f liked especially by children. sweeten the stomach by cleansing: the mouth, throat and food channel. That / means, they atop undigested food fnim souring in the stomach, prevent gas form ing in the bowds, and kill dlsea»3 germe of any kind that breed and feed in the en tire system. are purely vegetable and contain no mer curial or ether mineral poison. They cdtt- slst of the latest discoveries in medicine, and form a combination of remedies un equaled to make the blood pure and rich and make clean skin ahd beautiful com plexion. tone the stomach and bowels and stfr up » the laxy liver. They do not merely soften, the stools and cause their discharge, but strengthen the bowels and put th^m intw lively, healthy condition, making their ac- it tion natural. never grip nor gripe. Th,, act quietly, pos itively and never cause any kind or uncom fortable feeling. Taken regularly they make the llv.riact regularly and naturally a. It •houid They keep the sewerage of the body properly moving and keep th. system clean. Increaae the flow of milk In nurefng moth er,. If the mother eat. a tablet. It makea her milk mildly purgative and haa a mild but certain effect on th. baby. In th!, way they are the only aafe laxative for the nur.lng Infant taken patiently, peralatantly, will rare aay form or constipation, no matter how ok! or how oftan other remedl.a have failed. They ar. abaolutely guaranteed to cur. .Ay ct.e, or purchaa. money will ba cheerfully re funded. eoet 10c. Xc. tOr a box. Semple, »ent free for the asking. We publish no t.atlmonlala but aell Caacaret. on their merit under ab solute guarantee to cure. Buy and try • box to-day, or write ua for fraa aamplea and booklet.