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About The Yamhill County reporter. (McMinnville, Or.) 1886-1904 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 20, 1901)
Catarrh Pieaunt Death. Dark Pedestrian—And the last thing poor John did was to kiss me. la a constitutional disease. Fair Cyclist—Ah! And then he died. It originates in a scrofulous condition of I suppose?—Aly Sloper. the blood and depends on that condition. It often causes headache and dizziness, Extraordinary Man. Impairs the taste, smell and hearing, af fects the rocal organs, disturbs the stomach. Mr. Simpkins—Arabella, you are the It Is always radically and permanently on y woman I ever loved. cured by the blood-purifying, alterative A abella—There is only one man in and tonic action of the world like you. Mr. Simpkins—How sweet of you to say that. This great medicine has wrought the most Arabella—Yes; you told that Smith yronderful cures of all diseases depending girl the very same thing, and I know pn scrofula or the scrofulous habit. H ood ’ s P ills ar« tha bait eatkarUe^ " there is no other man living could do it.—Ohio State Journal. Hood’s Sarsaparilla tie Thought Quickly. Value of a Man'» Life. Sandy—Oh. policeman, yer salr need’t in at "Black Bull” yonder— there’s a maist awfu’ fecht gaen on. Policeman—Is Black Jock there? Jandy—Aye! Policeman—And Lang Jimmy? Bandy—Aye! Policeman—Ah, weel, I'm sorry, but I qanna leave me beat, ye ken. « The Supreme Courts have decided that the life of the average man is worth just what he is able to earn. A man’s earnings depend to a great extent upon his physical health. The stomach is the measure of health and strength. Every man may be bright and active if his digestion is normal. If it is not, Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters will make it so. Try it for dyspepsia, in digestion, constipation, biliousness, flatul ency, liver or kidney troubles. Tact. Cobble—There goes Glover, one of my best friends. Never knew him to ls signature is on every box of the genuine say one word against me. Stone—Yes. He’s a fellow of rare native Bromo*Quinine Tabieu remedy that cures a cold In one day restraint.—Detroit Free Press. I 1 do not believe Piso’s Cure for Con sumption has an equal for coughs ami Propagators. “Mosquitoes are accused of propa colds,—J ohn F. B oyer , Trinity Springs. Ind.. Feb. 15. 1900. gating disease,” said Spykes. “Well, I know that they propagate In the Labour Market. profanity,” said Spokes. The following appeal is extracted from a church paper: “Old man. lame, DEAFNEHS CANNOT HE CURED deaf, epileptic, desires situation. Will By local application«, as they cannot reach the any Christian take him for a garden diseased portion of the ear. There is only one way to cure deafness, and that is by constitu er?”—St. James Gazette. tional remedies. Deafness is caused by an in flamed condition of the mucous lining of the Cough and Eustachian Tube. When this tube gets in Works Off th* Cold. flamed you have a rumbling sound or irnper feet hearing, and when it is entirely closed Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets cure a cold in deafness is the result, and unless the inflamma ohe day. No cure, No Pay. Price 25 cents. tion can be taken out and this lube restored to its normal condition, hearing will be destroyed Made Money in America forever; nine cases out ot ten are caused by catarrh, which is nothing but an inflamed Theodore Chartrain, the French por condition of the mucous surfaces. We will give One Hundred Dollars for any trait painter, is said to have earned case of Deamess (caused by catarrh) that can more money during his short visit to not be cured by Hall’s Catarrh Cure. Bend for the United States than during all the circulars, free. F. J. CHENEY &. CO., Toledo, O. rest of his previous career. Bold by Druggists, 75c Hall's Family Pills are the best. An Easy One. Sleepless wants to know: What would you give a dog to prevent its barking at night? Give it away. Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow’s Sooth ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their children during the teething period. Finding His Place. He (complacently)—I’m just begin ning to find my place in the world! She (innocently)—Dear me! How TO CIRE A COLD IN ONE DAY Take ................... Laxative ............. Bromo ........ , Quinine _______________ Tablets. All humiliating!—Fun. druggists refund the money if it fails to cure. E. W. Grove’s signature is on each box. 25c. A Skillful Dodger. “That bookkeeper of yours never seems to be sick.” “No; he’s the most expert germ dodger we’ve ever had in the estab- lishment.”—Chicago Tribune. EITQ Permanently Cured. No fits or nervousnee II I O after first lay’s ueof I»r. Kline’s Great Nerve Restorer. Send for Fit BE $’2.00 trial bottle and treat ABSOLUTE SECURITY. ise. Dn.R. II K link . Ltd..«31 ArchSt..Philadelphia.Pa, Genuine Hearts Not Trumps. Oldspark—Love, they say, is the per fume of the heart. Miss Younger—Well, perhaps it is; but, really, I don’t care for perfumery. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TAKING Carter's Little Liver Pills. When vou take Grove'« Tasteless Chill Tonic, because the formula la plainly printed on every boule showing that it Is simdy Iron and Qui tline in a tasteleu form. No Cure. Ne Pay. 50c. Must Bear Signature of Always Dog Davs Layaround Lucas—Dey’s only wun t’ing I don’t like erbout our perfeshun. Dusty Dan—Wot's dat? Layaround Lucas—We have dawg days all de year ’run’.—Ohio State Journal. The Best Prescription for Malaria S— Pac-SImlle Wrapper Below. FOR HEADACHE* CARTER'S FOR DIZZINESS. FOR FOR FOR FOR FOR Chills and Fever is a bottle of Grove’s Tasteless Chill Tonic. It is simply iron and quinine in a tasteless form. No Cure. No Pay. Price 50c. A Dilemma. Mrs. Von Blumer—I don’t know what we shall do about that cook. Von Blumer—What’s the matter now? "She threatens to stay.”—Life. BILIOUSNESS, TORPID LIVER. CONSTIPATION. SALLOW SKIS. TWEC0MPL1XI0N CURE SICK HEADACHE The Kind You Have Always woupriiv nas nome inc signa- ture of Chas. H. Fletcher, and has been made under his personal supervision for over 30 years. Allow no ono to deceive you in this. Counterfeits, Imitations and “ Just-as-good ” are but Experiments, and endanger the health of Children—Experience against Experiment. What is CASTORIA Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms and allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the Stomach and llowcls, giving healthy and natural sleep. The Children’s Panacea—The Mother’s Friend. The Kind You Have Always Bought COL. EDITH MADISON AMES. $1,000 REWARD Yuuiig W imun Given an Unuanal Dis tinction by Gov. Yates. When the innumerable friends of Miss Edith Madison Ames meet her now they come to "attention," salute and address her as "Colonel.” writes a Chicago correspondent of the New York Journal. And she is a colonel. Because she fought for hint politically. Governor Yates appointed Miss Ames Honorary Colonel of the Sixth Regl- uient, Illinois National Guard. She Is but 19 years old. but she Is the only woman In all the United States who has the right to ride at the head of a regiment of soldiers. In Europe, of course, the Queen of England, the Czarina, the Empress of Germany and other women of Imperial or royal birth are honorary colonels of regiments dis- tlngulshed for their services and their histories. Colonel Miss Ames succeeds “Jack” Foster as commander of the gallant For Evidence of Fraud in Testimo nials Advertising Dr. Will iams’ Pink Pills for Pale People. It is sometimes thought that some concerns, in order to make people believe that the article in which they deal is a good one, manufacture themselves the testimonials which they use in their advertisements. The Dr. Williams Medicine Co., man ufacturers of I>r. Williams’Pink l’ills ¡ for Pale People, however, have always held that the publication of a ficti ' tious or even a misleading testimon ; ial is not only bad morally but is bad advertising. Consequently the great est care has always been taken in se lecting testimonials for their adver tising. Every case is not only care fully investigated, but in most in stances it is sworn to in legal form and the affidavit placed on file. That no doubt may be in the minds of the public, the company offers one thou sand dollars (fl,000) for evidence of fraud, on its part, in the publication of any of the testimonials used in mak ing known the merits of Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills for Pale People. In view of this, the following remarkable case, published in the Democrat and Sen tinel, Lewiston, Pa., is given without further comment: Mr. Frank A. Means, a well known farmer o.' Reedsville, Mifflin county, Pa., writes: ‘‘I had the grip and as a result my nerves broke down. I lost the entire use of the lower half of my body. For a whole year 1 lay in bed perfectly helpless, with no power in either limb, and the feeling gone so that 1 couldn’t feel a pin run into my legs at all. I couldn’t turn over in bed without help. Six doctors gave me MISS EDITH AMES. up and said it was only a question of Sixth. Colonel Foster resigned volun a few weeks with me, as nothing more tarily. Lately he met Colonel Ames at could be done. Then a friend sent Governor Yates’ house in Springfield. me a pamphlet containing statements She is a great friend of Mrs. Yates. of two men who had been afflicted Rumor has it that Colonel Foster sur something like me and who had been rendered at discretion to Colonel Ames, cured by the use of Dri Williams’ and that lie is resolved to keep the col Pink Pills. I began taking them at onelcy of the Sixth In liis family. once and although my improvement Before her entrance into military life was slow it was certain. Now I can Miss Ames was well known as an influ walk most of the time without a cane ential Republican politician. She ac and everybody around here thinks it companied Governor Yates' party on is a miracle that I can get about as I do. his private car during the last cam Your pills have certainly been a paign, and he asserts that she won God-send to me.” Signed, F. A. MEANS. many votes for bim. Miss Ames was Subscrilied and sworn to before me born in Fort Wayne. Ind., going to East Chicago six years ago. Sbe was gradu this 17th dav of April, 1901. ALBERT S. GIBBONEY. ated with honors at the high school Notary Public. there two years ago. She is the only At all druggists or direct from Dr daughter of her widowed mother, Mrs. Williams Medicine Company, Sche Benson Carey Aines. nectady, N. Y., fifty cents per box ; six boxes for two dollars and fifty Easy Lessons in City Life. When Moses K. Armstrong was elect cents. ed delegate to Congress frem the Ter Accepted. ritory of Dakota, he made an experi Mr. Faintart — Miss Upperton, I feel mental trii> to Washington to accustom himself to metropolitan ways. In ”’l • that I am overpresumptuous; that you are not for me; that you will refuse Early Euipire-Builders of the Great my hand; nevertheless I offer it to West” he humorously describes some you, in order to satisfy in a measure— of his first day's experiences in an Miss Upperton (faintly)—April fool! Eastern city. —Puck. Down at the corner of the next block I heard an auctioneer crying out. "Go ing for fifty cents!" I struck straight for his voice, and as 1 entered the room, he caught my eye and nodded his head. I returned the compliment. At that moment lie cried out: "Sold and gone!” To my surprise, I found that by nod ding my hear 1 had bought a woman’s head-dress for fifty cents. I paid the money and left the prize on the counter. I skipped out and walked slowly down the street, muttering to myself, “Sold and gone!” and 1 have not nodded my bead at a man since I made that bar- gain. Being a single man. I felt a little blue over that purchase, so I pushed on through the rain up the avenue, and soon met a bootblack who offered me a shine for ten cents. I poked my foot out to him. He pulled his artist-brush, looked at me and said: "Boss, you looks like one o' dem Con gressmen. Chuck down de cash befo’ I spit on your boots; we don't trust dem M. C. fellers.” I paid him the dime, and he blncked one boot, and then asked if I wanted the other polished, saying that his price was ten cents a foot. By tills time I began to get mad. and I turned from Sambo, anil walked rap idly on with one boot black and the other brindle. My brindle foot at last attracted so much attention that I stepped the other into the mud to make a match. Maine Sardines. “The sardine towns on the Maine coast,” says the Kennebec Journal, "are congratulating themselves on the fact that herring are beginning to come. Every year the little fishes are celled upon to do their lightning change act by arriving as herring and departing as sardines.” YMC ec*rrau«t co»«*». ▼▼ buhaat svMrr. 10c. 25c. Out of an average annual lose to the world's shipping of 2.172 vessels, nine ty-four are completely missing and never heard of again. ALL DRUGGISTS. to «« city . Quadrennial legislative Sessions. Not a Congenial Pursuit ’’And will you devote your eon to art! "Na He has too good an appetite.” —Cleveland Plain Dealer Ensilage Cutter. Best and only perfect blower cut ter on the market. Send for circular. Mitchell, I xjw I s A Staver Co. Portland. Ore. JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon, foot ot Morrison Stroot. Beat poftftiblp to bnikl. Best material. Best pro portion. Best finish. l.ighieHi running. Seventy years' experience. MHCHKI i. & RTAVKK C<»., 1st anti Taylor Sis., Portland.Or Can give yon Buggies. flows, Win nulls an<i Machinery, bee the best bargains in boilers and Engines, Pitinos an-1 General us before buying Willing to Share, Hard to Understand. "What makes Mrs. Vyperi apparent ly so welcome and charming a conver sationalist in society?” “It’s a mystery to me. 1 understand she's been sued several times for slan der.”—Philadelphia Times. Old Gent—My boy, I’m seventy-five years old, and I never smoked a cigar in my life. Boy—Well, if yer likes ter foller me, you can ’ave this butts when I'm done with it.—Ally Sloper. Paton to Procured. Prompt. Efficient and Satisfact. r Service. Attorney i lee not payable till patent granted. Try ue. 'labor 4 Whitman Co., 38-4J Warder Bldg.. Washington, 1*. C. Not a Climatic Distinction. “THE CRADLE RULES THE WORLD M “A Virginia man died at the poker table the other day.” "Nothing wonderful about that. Lots of Nevada and Arizona men have done the same thing.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Felt Honored. and all wise mothers make ST. JACOBS OIL a household remedy for the simple reason that it always Conquers Pain Father—My daughter tells me, sir, that you have been making love to her. Clubberly—I don’t know why she should single me out among so many. —Detroit Free Press. A Snorting Note. First Bear—I saw a man shot a min ute ago. Second Bear—What for? First Bear—For impersonating me, 1 think—Puck. Br< o'lyn, N. V.. Sept. 16th—The Garfield Tea Co., manufacturers of Garfield 'lea.Gar field Headache Powderr, Garfield Tea Syrup, Garfield Relief Plasters. Garfield Idirestiva Tablets and Garfield Lotion, are now o vupy- , Ing the large and e event office building amt factory recently erected by tlum. Ker many vears the Garfield Remedies have been grow ing in popularity, and their sneceM la well ’ r'eso- ved. Thee cure diseases and keep people we 1 and strong. Contracted. Summer Resolutions thkk Keeley Cure bure relief fiom liquor, opium and tobacco habita. Send for particulars to Keeley Institute. SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES. San Francisco Business College 1*436 Murkflt St., Snn Francisco, Cal. FULL COURSE, $60.00. Write for Catalogue. ‘Oh, I don't know!" remarked the 'cptlmist. "After all, you'll find in every one at least some of the milk of human kindness.” "Huh!” grunted the cynic. "What you do find is usually the condensed variety?”—Philadelphia Press. $3.00 TO $5.00 PER 04! Easily made for the next 90 days, selling an attractive line of Holiday Goods. For full par ticulars send name and address to ALBERT DESPRES, Star Bldg., Chi« a;o, 111». M. P. M. U. He. 3 I-1IOL writing tw advertisers nientijD this papers W HEN please Means misery on the eve of life. Nine out of ten old people are constipated because the muscles of their intestines have become weak, worn out and flabby. Constipation is the curse of old age, causes bile and acid poisons to remain in the blood, making the skin yellow and wrinkled, the eyes bleary and causing the “bones to ache.” Keep the bowels strong, healthy and regular and old age loses all its terrors and weak nesses. No reason why grandpa and grandma shouldn’t have bright eyes, and clear, ruddy skin and feel lively and active, if they will only keep their bowels open and vigorous with CASCARETS CANDY CATHARTIC, the greatest bowel tonic ever heard of. Try them to-day—a 50c box—a whole month’s treatment—and find that the tortures of constipated old age are Courageous Maiden. Wright Smooth—Suppose you were In danger of being kissed, sweet maid, how would you meet such an emer gency. Polly Wogg (the milkmaid)—Face to face.—Cincinnati Enquirer. Annual last« of Ships. In Use For Over 30 Years. FARM MACHINERY AND SUPPLIES. The Alabama Constitutional Con ven tlon has decided that a session of the legislature every four years Is all the State can stand. Fruita and vegetables are so scarce this year that the grocery store tastes Is having a bard time L- NEVER SOLD IN BULK.