Image provided by: Yamhill County Historical Society; McMinnville, OR
About The Yamhill County reporter. (McMinnville, Or.) 1886-1904 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 6, 1901)
Difficult Digestion. Siow. Ft 'ce.man—What are you trying to That is dyspepsia. put that letter in there for? That It makes life miserable. Its sufferers eat not because they want to, ain’t a letter box; it's a fire alarm box. — but simply because they must. Mr. Wayback—I know all that, but They know they are irritable and fretful; 1 that house over there Is on fire, and but they cannot be otherwise. I'm going to notify the fire depart They complain of a bad taste In the ment. mouth, a tenderness at the pit of the stom ach. an uneasy feeling of puffy fulness, beadache, heartburn and what not. The effectual remedy, proved by perma nent cures of thousands of severe cases, is Hood’s Sarsaparilla H ood '6 P ills are the best cathartic. Jarred. Professor Beeswax—According to this cookbook, you didn't make the omelet correctly. Bridget—An’ do th’ book say any- ! thing about your not having paid me wages for three months? Limitations. Once upon a time the Fates en- . dowed a certain people with a sense of humor. Eventually the people became aware of this, and their mortification there upon was very great. “For how,” exclaimed they, "are we ever to become a world power now?" Of course, patriotism might still be taught in the schools.—Detroit Jour nal. Loyalty to His Knploysr. That young man who consented to have a portion of his blood let out to save bis employer, set a remarkable example of heroism. The incident shows what power there is in good blood. There is only one natural way to get good blood, and that is front the stomach. If the stomach needs assistance, iry Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters. This wonderful medicine cures dyspepsia, indigestion, constipation, and makes rich red blood. Flattered. nows THIS? We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for an v case of Cattarrh that can not be cured bv Hairi Catarrh Cure. 1 * F. J. CHENEY A Co., Props.. Toledo, O. We the undersigned, have known F J Cheney for the past 15 years, and believe him perfect'v honorable in all business transactions and fin ancially able to carry outany obligations made by their firm. W bst 4 T ruax . Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, _,'V aluing K innan A M arvin , n . wJ°lesa1» Druggists, Toledo, o. Hall’sCatarrh Cure is taken internally,acting directly on the blood and mucous surface-of the system. Price 75c per bottle. Sold by all druggists. Testimonials free. Hall's Family Pills are the best. $10,000 Harness Set. The young Egyptian khedive is said to possess the most costly set of har ness in the world. It is made of black leather, with chased gold buckles and collars ornamented with the same costly metal. The pad cloths are also embroidered with gold, and the set is said to have cost $10,000. It is for four horses and is used on all state occasions. A Paying “Did that mining stock you bought turn out to be a paying investment? ’ "Yes,” answered the mild-eyed man, after an ineffectual effort to cheer up. "It has kept me paying assessments ever since I first got hold of it.”— Washington Star. Tramp—Them doughnuts was so good, mum, I fear I can never again eat ordinary grub. Lady—Er. sit down there, just a moment. I’ll put you up a nice lunch, my man. It Would Seem So. Rubberton—May I inquire what your business is, stranger? Stranger (haughtily)—Sir, I’m a gentleman. Rubberton—Well, I reckon that’s a good business, stranger, but you’re not the only man that’s failed at it. The Philosopher—The empty barrel gives the loudest sound. The Politician—There’s where you are wrong. During a political cam paign a bar’l filled with boodle talks the loudest. FJI MRS. JOMES9 FLESH grower . Pria» 92.00. This is the genuine. It increas es flesh on any part of the body, develops bust to any desired size and makes round,plump face and neck. Removes all blackheads, tan. freckles. pimples, flesh worms, and makes the skin soft and white. Write for agents’ terms. MRS. K. JONES & CO. Offices 610-611 Inter Ocean Bldg., Chicago, I1L COSTLY MINCE PIEi Remarkable Career of Signor Fran cesco Crisp! Is Etide :• Rains? a Bov’s Daw >se Salt Against a Railway Company. A famous statesuiau and leader in government affairs in Italy who was associated with Garibaldi and had much to do 'u the establishment aud molding of the Italian nation passed away in the death of Signor Francesco Crisp! at Naples. From early manhood to the time of bls death Crlspl was con cerned in the conspiracies and agita tions which have resulted in such great | changes in political affairs in his coun try and it was largely due to his efforts that many beneficial reforms were car 1 I ried into effect. Crlspl was boru In the province of Glrgentl, Sicily, Oct. 4. 1810, and ob tained a sound education, finishing by studying law. In 1848 he become prom ■ inent because of the active part he took in the revolutionary movement at Pal I ermo. he advocating with great energy the total separation of Sicily from the kingdom of Naples. The revolution failed and Crispi was forced to flee to Paris. From here, also, he was obliged to depart, the French authorities be coming alarmed because of his conspi racies. Going to Loudon, he thought out the plot that eventually resulted in the liberation of Italy. With the famous expedition to Sicily in 1859, beaded by Garibaldi, lie went as a volunteer, although many had pinned their faith upon Crispi as lead er in this enterprise. AVltli the success of the movement he was elected a dep uty for Palermo in the first parliament of united Italy in 1861. He at once Johnny Foebl ate five mil ?e pies at one sitting, and this little feast cost him exactly $5,090. His suit against the Camden & Suburban Railway Com pany for that amount for injuries sus tained In being pushed from a car was progressing favorable to him yesterday in the Camden Court. Half a dozen doctors had sworn that be was an In valid as the result of the accident, when Willie Brower, one of Johnny's witnesses, in his rambling testimony told of Johnny’s love for pies. Counsel for the trolley company saw a glimmer of hope in this. "Could he eat a whole pie?” was asked of Willie. "Why, yes; he ate five within a few minutes last week,” the boy replied. The three lawyers who represented Johnny were on their feet in an instant demanding of the court to know what mince pie had to do with Johnny Foehl being injured by a trolley car. They wanted this portion of the testimony stricken out "Well,” declared counsel for the trol ley company, "any boy who can eat live mlnee pies at one sitting is not very much of an invalid.” The court admitted the mince pie testimony. Having got into the case, the pies remained to a finish. Counsel for the plaintiff wanted to bring witnesses to prove the pies were small flve-cent ones. They were will ing to send for a pie to show the jury. The railway company’s lawyers con ceded that the pies were small, but contended that even so no Invalid could eat five of them. When all the testimony was In the court, relieving the jury, declared that Johnny Foehl had not made out a case. The mince pie testimony had been fa tal to it.—Philadelphia North Ameri can. t|TC Permanently Cured. No fits or nervousnoa- IIIQ after first day’s iseof Ur Kline's Great Nerve Itestorer. Bend lor Fit EE 8'4.Off trial bottle and treat- iso. llu.lt. H K link . Ltd.. S3 i A ich St.. Philadelphia. Pa, The Way to Please Him. “They say the way to please a man is to talk about himself.” “No: the way to please him is to let him talk to you about himself.”—Lon don Tid-Bits. Piso's Cure for Consumption is an infal lible medicine for coughs and colds.—N. W. S amuel . Ocean Grove, N. J., Feb. 17, 1900. Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow’s Sooth ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their children during the teething period. Fable- Now the Horse, being sensitive to ridicule, paused as they were about to enter the gates of the city. "You look so like 30 cents!” pro tested the Horse, regarding painedly the woman driving. “Well, money’s supposed to make the mare go!” retorted the woman, with a loud laugh. Saying which she belabored the beast vehemently. This signature is on every box ot the genuine This fable teaches that the gift of Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets speech is not of necessity fortunate. the remedy that cures a cold in one day —Detroit Journal. Not Always. NOTED ITALIAN LEADER. SIGNOR FRANCESCO CRISTI. beenme a leader in government affairs. In 1876 he became president of the Chamber of Deputies and minister of the interior and two years later, when Victor Immanuel died, no man enjoyed a more commanding influence in Italy Cherry Baxter Pudding. than be. Now, bis political opponents Stone three cupfuls of ripe cherries. began to persecute him, with the result Beat two eggs light, stir into them a that in 1880 he lost royal favor. At tablespoonful of melted butter and a once Crlspl resigned his political offices pint of mi k, then four cupfuls of pre and announced that he had forever re pared flour. Last of all stir in the cherries, well d edged with flour. tired from government affairs. Influ Turn into a greased mold and steam ence was brought to bear upon him, for three hours. Serve with a hard however, and he was persuaded to re consider his determination aud return sauce.—Detroit Free Press. to power. In 1887 he was chosen to the highest office he could attain, president S immer Resolutions of the council and minister of foreign affairs. His desire to better the condi THE K tion of Italy and to make it great was feure relief fiom liquor, opium and tobacco then generally recognized and when, in habit*. Send for particulars to I 1889, an unsuccessful attempt on his Kflelay Institute, a life was made, all classes united in con gratulating him on Ids escape. In 1891, with bankruptcy staring the country in the face, Crlspl's ministry was defeated and he retired. After the lapse of a short time the King called Crispí to the rescue, but hardly a year passed before he was again compelled to resign. Within a few weeks Crispí was again called upon to assume office Bent and only and he served faithfully until his resig perfect blower cut ter on the market. nation in 1896, at the time of the ex Send for circular. citement Incident to the losses his ad Mitchell, Lewis A ministration had suffered at the hands Staver Co. Portland, Ore. of King Menellk II. Since then Crlspl had lived a com JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon, paratively quiet life, but still exercised Foot ol Morrison Street. a potent Influence in national affairs. Can give you the best bargains in His whole career did him great credit Ruggieri. Plows, Bullers and Engines, i and It can be truthfully said he was an Win .mills and Pnmns and General j honest man and one of the greatest statesmen and leaders Italy has even Machinery. See us before buying known. Keeley Cure “•’ U"»«* ABSOLUTE SECURITY. Genuine Carteras Little Liver Pills. See Fac-Similé Wrapper Below. Very »all and aa easy to take as sugar. CARTERS Ensilage Cutter. Nearly So. Hix Prophecy A Disadvantage. She—Is that ice thick enough to “When a weak-natured man tries As a rule, tall men have bodies out of to brace up an' be firm,” said Uncle support me? Owner of the Pond—I don’t know. proportion to their lower limbs—that is. Eben, “he usually doesn’ 'compllsh nuffln’ ’ceptin’ to git lpw down obstin I expect it to support me all next smaller than they ought to be—with the summer. ate.” natural result that they are unable to bear fatigue, or to compete In the struggles of life with lesser men har moniously proportioned. Army experi ence bears out these observations. In a long and fatiguing march the tall men usually fall out first, or succumb ’ Through the pores of the skin many poisons are to campaigning, unless, as Is very rare 'F absorbed into the blood, deranging the circulation ly the case, they have well-knit and and affecting the constitution as quickly and symmetrical frames. A soldier between seriously as those generated within the system. Just under the skin are innumerable hair-like blood five feet live Inches and five feet eight vessels, and connecting these with the skin Inches or nine Inches Is usually the are millions of small tubes or glands, through man most capable of bearing the strain and which the poison is conveyed to the blood sys of life. tem. During the spring and summer, while What the French Want. the skin is most active and the pores well open, we are much more liable to be affected by Poison Oak and Ivy and other Frenchmen do not want to rule—they dangerous plants. Workers in brass, copper, lead and zinc have their health im want to live. The pursuit of life, of paired and the blood supply poisoned through the absorption of fine particles of laughter, of charming sensations, of in these metals and the acids used in polishing and cleaning them. Inhaling the fumes of lead give painters that pallid, waxy appearance of the skin. Barber's Itch dividual development of character—It is another disease that reaches the blood through the skin, and is a most obstinate may all be more important, more vital one when it becomes firmly fixed in the system. After the poison has reached the to human existence than the preoccu blood and been disseminated throughout the system it is too late to resort to local pation to rule one's self and others, to applications. In many eases the blood is affected simultaneously with the appear make laws and to fight.—From 8 tee once of the rash or eruption on the skin, and all efforts should be directed to the vens' "Glimpses of Three Nations.” purification and building up of the blood. Ugly eruptions and sores will continue to break out in spite of salves, washes, soaps or other external treatment. Not that Kind. S. S. S. is especially recommended for poisons of this character. So com Dasherly—That Callow must be a pletely does it destroy the effects of the Oak and Ivy that there is no possibility of its reappearance, and it is equally as efficacious in brass or lead poisoning or Bar model young man. Flasherly—What makes you think ber’s Itch ; building up and purifying the blood and driving out of the circulation impurities of every kind, ana removing every blemish, sore or eruption from the so? skin. There is no substitute for S. S. S. ; it is the only purely vegetable blood Dasherly—He's always telling people purifier known, and the safest and best in all constitutional or blood diseases. what a devil he is. Kansas City Inde Our Medical Consultation Department.— If you desire any special information pendent. or advice about your case, write our physicians, explaining your condition, and His One Chance. they will carefully consider what you have to say and you will receive a prompt reply. Our physi An Atchison man who is very fond cians have made a study of blood and skin diseases, of rhubarb pie never got any to eat un and you can have the’ benefit of their experience til this summer, when it was found that and skill without any cost to you whatever. Don’t the new cook was fond of It. She hesitate to write fully about yourself, as nothing cooks it for herself and the man gets a you say goes beyond our office. We have a very BttCTffffuag bock on Blood and Skin Diseases, which we will be glad to mail from slice.—Atchison Globe. Poisoned by Absorption POISON OAK, - ~ POISON IVY, BARBER'S ITCH, LEAD BRASS POISONINQ, ETC. sss THE SWIFT SPECIFIC COMPANY. ATLANTA. QA. tion of the womb and bladder,prof use and painful menstrua- tion, and at times It seemed as though / should die. I doo- tored most of the time, but seemed to fall every time. A short time ago I began to take LYDIA E. PINK- . HAM’S VEGETABLE COM POUND, and thanks to It, to-day I am a well woman,” MRS. L. L. T owne , Littleton, N. H. I I Mrs. Towne like many other suffering women, was a victim of theory. Her physician did his best. He had battled with her case steadily and could do no more. If Mrs Towne had asked advice of Mrs. Pinkham seven or eight years earlier she would have had just so many more years of happiness and comfort and health. It is not reasonable to expect that any living person can advise for female troubles as safely as Mrs Pinkham, whose experience is without parallel in the world. This should appeal to the common se”se of any woman, especially when ntjarly every newspaper in this country is printing in almost every issue the letter of some woman who has iteen cured by Mrs. Pinkham when doctors had given her up. Don’t wait for the doctor to give you up to the surgical knife, or tell you that you cannot live. Get your advice where you are certain to have the benefit of the widest experience. Write to Mrs Pinkham, at Lynn, Mass., and rely on ner. No charge is made for advice. There is no female complaint, however simple or however serious, that Lydia K. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound will not help ; of this there is monumental evidence in its thirty years' record of constant success. When you ask for this medi cine at the druggist's, be sure you get what you ask for and nothing else. The medicine that cures is Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound. A n n We have deposited with K F1 vY rt II the National City Bat k, HL H j I w of j,ynn. J.s.ooo, which ............' — — will be paid to any per son who can find that the above testimonial letter is not genuine, or was published before obtaining the writer's special permission. L ydia B P inkham M kdicink Co. The Suffering Congregation. Never Too Late to Mend. Deacon—Parson, do you think it wrong for a preacher to steal h(s ser mons? Parson—Certainly I do. Deacon—I think you are too par ticular, parson, too particular. Naggs—Dear me, Jaggs, I'm sorry to see you in this condition. I under stood you had quit drinking. Jaggs—Yesh (hie), sho I’ave, ol’ chap. Jush (hie) lef' off drinkin* ’bout (hie) minute ago, shee? TO CUBE A COLD IN ONE DAY Take Laxative Rromo Quinine Tablets. All lrugglsts re'iind the money If It fails to cure. E. W. Grove's signature is on each box. 25c. Limitations. Her Fate. Music in Punkvilie. Teacher—Bobby, you must go and wash your face. Bobby returns with mouth and nose His Preference. fairly clean. His forehead is wet and Oldham—Are you going to the lec dirty. Teacher—Bobby, why------ ture tonight on "The Girl of Today?” Bobby—I did wipe it as high as my Younger—Guess not. The girl of shirt would reach! tonight is more attractive. “Did yer hear my daughter render Mind Reader—You’re in love with a that solo last night?” man. He has light hair. "Yes.” Bridget—No. He has dark hair. "What did yer think?” Mind Reader—Then he must have "Thought she’d do a sight better bleached it. renderin’ lard.” Must Bear Signature of FARM MACHINERY AND SUPPLIES. BPAt possible to build. Best material. Best pro portion. Best finish. Lightest running. Seventy years’ experience. MTlCHKl.t. Jk STAVEK Co., 1st and Taylor Sts.. Portland.Or I 8Uf- FOR FOR FOR FOR FOR FOR FOR What Ailed Her. The Rev. Dr. Thirdly—What's this? Weeping? I have come just in time. My dear young lady, you are under going a change of heart. Young Lady—No — boo-hoo — my heart hasn’t changed, but, Oh, dear! Oh, dear! His has! A Paradoxical Talisman. HEADACHEa DIZZINESS. RILIOUSRESS. TORPID LIVER. CONSTIPATION. SALLOW SKIN. THE COMPLEXION CURE SICK HEADACHE. Careful Cc oks. “What have you here?” asked the fresh young man of the waiter at a first-class restaurant. "Everything, sir.” “Everything?” sneertngly; "have it served at once.” "Hash for one!” yelled the waiter.—Detroit Free Press. Stone the Cough .nd Work. Off the Coid. Laxative Rromo-Qulnlne Tablets cure a cold □no day. No cure.No Pay. Price 25 cents. in Judge—Have you formed any opin Well Named. ion on this case? Wouldbeigh Juror—No, sir; haven’t Harry—Say, she is your step mentioned it to my wife.—Smart Set. mother, ain’t she? Alice—I guess so. Anyway, she Out of Practice. steps out and leaves me to work. Boss (to workman)—Do you call Thought He Was One of Them. that a good job? Have you ever served an apprenticeship? Manning—A year or two ago I ad Workman—Yes, twenty years ago. vised Pitcher to write a book on the Boss—What have you been doing famous men he had met. since? Boyd—And did he do It? Workman—I've been out on a Manning—He wrote an autobiog strike most of the time. raphy.—Boston Transcript. He—Our cook is so careful about thieves. She always locks the doors, even in the daytime. She—That’s nothing. Our cook al ways keeps a policeman in the kitchen.—Tid-Bits. The Beat Prescription for Malaria Chills and Fever Is a bottle of Grove’« TaateleM Chill Tonic. It is simply iron and quinine in a tasteless form. No Cure. No Pa?. Price 50c. Ruined by House Cleaning. Missionary—Was it liquor that brought you to this? Imprisoned Burglar—No, sir; it was house-cleanin’—springe house-cleanin’, sir. Missionary—Eh! —house-cleaning ? Burglar—Yessir. The woman had been house-cleanin’, an' the stair car pet was up, an’ the folks heard me. —Tit-Bits. Could Protect His Rights. Uncle Hiram—I tell you what, that young Jorkins that's sparkin’ our Mandy knows how to look out for number one. Aunt Malaprop—Yes. he’s no eye- j sore runnin’ aroun’ selling his birth- i right for a mess of pottage. SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES. 300 Positions Seemed Mi. San Francisco Business College 1*436 Market St., *»an Francisco, Cal. FULL COURSE, $60.00. Write lor Catalogue. |[ peinsioin ir BICKFORO. Wathlneten. 0. C-. they will re- II reive quick replies. B. 5th N. H. Vol* Staff 20th Corp«. Prosecuting claims since 187ft. V« F. M. 0« Ha. 3F-1HL writing ta advertiser« mertijD this paper. W HEN please CURE CONSTIPATION NEVER SOLD IN BULK SIS taste rood. Eat them like candy. They remove any bad taste In the mouth, leav ing the breath tweet and perfumed. It is a pleasure to take them, and they are liked especially by children. sweeten the stomach by cleansing ths mouth, throat and food channel. That meant, they stop undigested food from souring In the stomach, prevent gas form ing In the bowels, and kill disease germs of any kind that breed and feed In ths en tire system. nre purely vegetable and contain no mer curial or other mineral poison. They con sist of the latest discoveries In medicine, and form a combination of remedies un equaled to make the blood pure and rich and miks clean skin and beautiful com plexion. tone ths stomach and bowels and stir up the lazy liver. They do not merely soften the stools and cause their discharge, but strengthen the bowels and put them Into lively, healthy condition, making their ac tion natural. never grip nor gripe. They set quietly, pos itively and never cause any kind of uncom fortable feeling Taken regularly they make the liver act regularly and naturally as It should They keep the sewerage of the body properly moving and keep the system clean. Increase the flow of milk In nursing moth ers. If the mother eats a tablet. It makes her milk mildly purgative and has a mild but certain effect on the baby In this way they are the only safe laxative for the nursing Infant. taken patiently, persistently, will cure any form of constipation, no matter how old or how often other remedlee have fafled. They are absolutely guaranteed to cure any case, or purchase money will be cheerfully re funded. cost 10c. 2Sc. CAr a box. Samples sent free for the asking We publish no testimonials but sell Caecarets on their merit under ab solute guarantee to cure. Buy and try a box to-day. or write us for free samplee and booklet. ___ »«*••• ersause a sass? os., cairiso — saw toss . DFU/AOn w111 be Piid to ,ny re,dir of thia paper who will re- nLTTrtlW port to ua any attempt of substitution, or sals of “ something just aa good” when Cascarets are called for, and furnish evidence upon which we can convict. A11 correspondence confidential Cinn >'lvv