Th« Worst Part of It.
Do Jone« — 1 hear your firm die
charged you.
Smythe—Yea: but I wouldn’t mind
that so much if they hadn't added in
sult to injury.
De Jones—How so?
Smythe—They advertised for a boy
to fill my place.—Chicago News.
Th* Twentieth Century.
The twentieth centurv began January
let. 1101 at d will end with 2(100
People
did nut Itegin to reckon time from A. I>. 1,
hut wailed until about the 550 yenr of the
Christian era. People who begin to take
the great, health restorative, Hostetter’s
Stomach Bitters, immediately after the
first outbreak of dvepapaia, malaria, rheu
matism, conaiinarion, nervousness or kid
ney trouble will date their cure immediate
ly from then.
Naturally.
Fuddy—Did you ever notice that
most of the black-faced artists are
Irishmen?
Duddy — Naturally. An Irishman is
right at home in Cork.—Boston Tran»
cript.
Spring
Cleaning
You are made aware of the neces
sity for cleansing your blood in the
spring by humors, eruptions and other
outward signs of impurity.
Or that dull headache, bilious, nau
seous, nervous condition and that tired
feeling are due to the same cause—
weak, thin, impure, tired blood.
America’s Greatest Spring Medi
cine is Hood’s Sarsaparilla.
It makes the blood rich and pure,
cures scrofula and salt rheum, gives a
clear, healthy complexion, good appe
tite, sweet sleep, sound health.
For cleansing the blood the best
medicine money can buy is
Hood’s
Sarsaparilla
It is Peculiar to Itself.
American Commission at Paris.
The cost of the American commis
sion at the Paris exposition was nearly
»1,000,000.
All diseased conditions of th«
blood Hnd skin are b*tiehtted by
the well known remedy, Gartield
Tea; it purities the blood and
clears the complexion.
Good Subject Makes Good Talker.
McCarthy—Old Brown declares you
are the most entertaining talker in
the club. What do you usually talk
rbout in his company?
McCommick—Old Brown.—Harlem
Life.
This algnature ia on «very box of th« genuine
Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablet«
4h« remedy that «aree n colti in one day
It Wouldn’t Do.
Baron Munchausen had just writ
ten a letter to a friend.
He closed with a flourish, "yours
truly,” and signed his name.
Then, with a melancholy smile, he
«rased the word "truly."
“It would only move him to derisive
laughter,” he said.—Chicago Tribune.
H.-ed the lied Mag of Danger !
R> d pimples, blotches, bolls, sores are danger
signals of torpid liver, poisoned blood. Cas-
earets Candy Cathartic will save you. All
druggists 10c,25c, 50c.
Amending Shakespeare.
Her Escort—Ise awful fond ob
music, 'specially dance music.
Miss Snowflake—So’s I. Doan’ day
nay dat music am de food ob lub?
"It am de very chicking an' watah-
nlllion of lub.”—Puck.
Poison Oak
Polson Ivy
are among the best known
of the many dangerous
wild plants and shrubs.
To touch or handle them
quickly produces swelling
and inflammation with in
tense itching and burning
of the skin. Theeruption
6oon disappears, the suf
ferer hopes forever; but
almost as soon as the little blisters and
pustules appeared the poison had reached
the blood, and will break out at regular
intervals and each time in a more aggra
vated form. This poison will loiter in the
system for years, and every atom of it
must be forced out of the blood before you
can expect a perfect, permanent cure.
A A
Nature’s A»ll4ofc
Nature's PfHsois,
is the only cure for Toison Oak, Poison
Ivy, and all noxious plants. It is com
posed exclusively of rootsand herbs. Now
is the time to get the poison out of your
system, as delay makes your condition
worse. Don’t experiment longer with
salves, washes and soaps—they never cure.
Mr. S. M. Marshall, bookkeeper of the Atlanta
(Ga ) Gas Light Co., was poisoned vi.il Poison
Oak. He took Sulphur, Arsenic aud various
other drugs, and applied externally numerous
lotions ana salves with no benefit. At times the
swelling and inflammation was so severe he was
alm-ist blind. For eight years the poi.v n would
break out everyseason. His condition was much
improve I after taking one bottle if S.S. S, and
a few bottles cleared nis blood of the poison, and
all evidences of the disease disappeared.
People are often poisoned without
knowing when or how. Explain your case
fully to our physicians, and they will
cheerfully give such information and ad
vice as you require, without charge, and
we will send at the same time an interest
ing book on Blood aud Skin Diseases.
THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO., ATLANTA. GA
"It didn’t turn out as Jones figured.”
said the talkative man with a grin.
“He invited me to pay him a visit at
his summer home in the country, and
I accepted without any idea of what
he bud in store for me. No sooner bad I
arrived than he informed me that be
bad me booked to act as judge of a
baby show that was to take place the
following day. I laughed at him, aud
told him that I would have to be ex-
1 cused. But he poiuted out the fact
that I had been advertised to act, aud
that it was now too late to withdraw;
so I couseuted, although with a good
many misgivings concerning the out
come.
“Well, when I stood up on the plat
form, and saw twenty-seven proud
mothers holding as many babies before
me, I came near losing my nerve ¿nd
bolting. However, I took a brace and
told them to form in line and march
past me. They didmid the sight made
me dizzy, and for the life of me I
couldn’t tell a white baby from a col
ored one. To catch my breath and gain
time to collect my thoughts, I told them
to march around once more, the result
being that I was more rattled than
ever. I was about to nsk them to
parade once more when I saw Jones
grinning at me from the rear of the
hall, and I realized the band that
he had had In getting me Into the pres
ent situation. Like a flash, I saw a
way out of the trouble, and a chance
to even up matters with Jones at the
same time. Clearing my throat, I ad
dressed the expectant mothers as fol
lows:
“ ‘I have asked you to pass before me
more as a matter of form than any
doubt concerning the winner of this
contest. That the babies are all dears
I think you will agree with me, and I
also think you will concur with my
judgment when I state that there is
one baby here so much prettier than
the rest as to place it in a class of its
own, and to that baby It is my duty to
award the prize. But to save the heart
burnings of the other mothers I think
It best not to publicly announce the
winner at this time. If the mother
who holds the winner at this instant in
her arms—and she knows to whom I
refer—will call at the home of Mr.
Jones to-morrow morning at 8 o’clock
she will be awarded the prize she so
justly deserves.’
“Then I left and caught the first train
for home. I gather from the some
what warm and incoherent remarks
that Jones has made in my hearing
since that there was a wildly exciting
time when twenty-seven fond mothers
called in a bunch to demnnd the prize
that I had awarded. Jones refuses to
tell how It ended, but as he appears
afraid to go back I rather imagine
that the end is not yet.”—Detroit Free
Press.
IDEA HAD A FATAL DEFECT.
rian of an Inventor t. Thwart the En
terprising Burglar.
“I ran across a queer old relic In my
line of business recently,” said a safe
and lock expert who is in the city to
see the carnival. “I was prowling
around a machine shop in a town up in
Iowa trying to find a fitting that I
needed, when I happened to notice a
sheet-iron box which seemed to have
once been entirely covered with glass
tubes attached to the surface by ce
ment. All of the tubes were broken,
and most of them were missing, but
the general arrangement could be eas
ily traced and the contrivance im
pressed tne at once with a sense of fa
miliarity. Presently I remembered
about it. It was all that was left of the
one-time famous ’anesthetic safe,’ an
Invention which ought to have been
sponsored by a society for the preven
tion of cruelty to burglars. Tlie idea
of the thing was that any cutting or
drilling through the outer casing should
release certain chemicals which would
promptly stuplfy everybody in range
of their fumes. In the morning the
owner would And his valuables intact
and could simply call a dray and pack
off tlie unconscious burglars to jail.
"With such a device it was not nec
essary to have massive steel walls, and
the model which I chanced to resurrect
was made of one-eighth-inch sheet
iron. The inner box was entirely sur
rounded with glass tulies about the
diameter of a lead pend) and tilled al
ternately with two chemicals which
were supposed to produce stupefying
gas when they came into contact.
There was a thin outside casing, and
the theory was that any effort to break
in would necessarily fracture two or
more of the fragile glasses. It seems
incredible, but several prominent capi
talists became greatly Interested In the
scheme and stood ready to back it with
unlimited means until actual tests
finally convinced them of its grotesque
Impracticability. How the model ever
drifted to the Iowa machine shop 1
couldn't find out. It had been there
for years and was probably part of
the plunder of some forgotten junk
sale. The only other safe I know of
fit to rank with tlie ‘anesthetic’ as a
freak was one designed by an inventor
in Washirtfcton. It was circular In
shape, with a pivot at the bottom, and
at night time the plan was to connect
it with an engine licit and spin It like
a top. The Inventor was very much
in earnest and made a large working
model. He admitted modestly that the
safe could only lie used ’where steam
power was available.' What would pre
vent the burglars from throwing off thi
belt he didn't state."—New Orleans
Times-Democrat
Dargest Carpet in the W<irl<l.
CO NSUMPTION
Good, Live Agents Wanted
THE JOKE WAS TURNED.
A Man Who Di «ire I a Bit an 1 Fell in
It Himaelf.
The largest cari>et In the world is In
Windsor Castle. It Is -to feet in breadth
and contains
stitch««. The
weaving of It occupied twenty eight
men fourteen months.
In all unoccupied territory, for the
Beal Wheel» on Earth, tha 19ul
URIFIE
Afrs. Watson's Message
/(Hrai
Springtime Resolutions
and
Keeley Cure
Sure relief from liauor, opium and tobacco
habits. Send for particulars to
Kieliy Institute, 314 Sixth St., Portland, Or.
WANTED
S2O - $25 - $35 - $40
FRED T. MERRILL CYCLE CO.,
PORTLAND, 0'«.
106-111 filili Str««*.
UVE AGENTS
In all town« of Oregon, Washington and Idaho,
“D rab M bs . P tvxha H:— When I wrote to you a few months
Bgx> I had been «offering from inflammation of the ovaries and
womb ft/i orer «ighieen months. I had a continual pain and
is my baek and side. I believe my troubles were caused
by overwork and lifting some yean ago. Life was a drag to me
and I fett
feft like
Ktoe riving
riving np. I had several doctors, but they did me
little rood. I Mean I to use Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com-
id _____________
four months ago
i
and am in better health to-day than I
been for y«ars. All my paioa are gone. Your Vegetable
Oompotmd has made me well. I recommend it to all suffering
maZ—Mss. a. J. W atsoit , Hampton, Va.
LE ROY
Model 50,
$35.00.
LE ROY
Model 50,
$35.00.
PORTLAND DELIVERY.
PORILAN j GELIVE.V.
LISTED AT »30.00, iai.00 AND »40.00. GUARANTEED TO JANUARY 1, 19W.
gfg- WRITE FOR CATALOGUE. DISCOUNTS AND TERMS.
HENRY GOODMAN A COMPANY,
.... IBB FIMT STRITT. . . .
Jobber» of Eloyole Sundr lea.
Portland, Oregon.
Machinery, Implements,
Farm Supplies, Etc
Whwn ttowr« Is ono remedy that la sure, and
handrads of thousand» of women know from ex
psrtonco is reliable, is it wise to experiment with
untried smd comparatively unknown medicines?
nriuinit Weh«vedepo»ltedwlth
n^vVAnU the *«tion«i city B.<k,
III« O All V of Lynn. teooo. wh|ch
will f>« p*la to «ay pvr-
«oo who oan find that the «bore teatimonial
letter ia not «»nulne or w«e published before
obtaiaing the writer'« epeefal permission.
Lvot . R PtMxaxM M sdicimb C o .
Bee Line Buggies
$65.00 AND
Woe« of a Wife.
1 he Key to the Situation.
“Oh, that I should have married a
First Detective-—How did you man
age to discover the scandal in their funny man!” she wailed.
"What is the matter, lovely dear?"
family closet?
Second Detective—Well, you see, I asked her most Intimate friend.
"He came home and told me he had
had a saeleton key.—Smart Set.
a sure way to keep jelly from getting
rou KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TAKING moldy at the top. and when I asked
When von take Grove'» Tasteless Chill Tonic, him how he said turn it upside down.”
because the formula >• plainly printed on every —Boston Traveler.
bottle showing that it ia simply Iron and Qui
nine tn a taatel««» form. No Cure, No Pay. 50c.
kàîlaâL
Garfield Tea is an excellent
Th« Last Resort.
medicine to take in the spring*,
it produces a healthy action
Clara—He was hparbroken, desper
of the liver; it cleanses the
ate, and ready for anything when I
system and purifies the blood.
rejected him.
Iron corners on bodies of all our Henney and
Restoring a Medieval Castle.
Maude—What did he do?
Bee Line Buggies. Send for Catalog,
KOI I PP
or n,|y Piec® °f Machinery, it
At Hohkoninsburg, in Alsace,
Clara—He said he was going to see
L,L'|V» will pay to write us for cata
remains
of
an
early
medieval
castle
logue and prices.
you.
MITCHELL, LEWIS & STAYER CO.
is to be restored by the kaiser after
RUSSELL a OO.,
the manner in which Pierrefonds was
QREGONffLOODPuRIFIER
Portland, Oregon.
Portland and Spohana.
rebuilt by the architect Viollet le Due First and Taylor Sts.
for the Empress Eugenie.
Composition of Sweetbread«.
The Beat rrescriptlon for Malaria
Elsie (aged 3)—Mamma, I want to Chill« and Fever is a bottle of Grove’s Tasteless
ask you a serious question.
Chill Tonic. It is »imply iron and quinine in
a tasteless form. No cure. No Pay. Price 50c.
Mamma—Well, what is it, dear?
Long Life to New Ones,
uy Using Our
Elsie—Are the sweetbreads made of
Little Alice’s Description.
loaf sugar?
Little 3-year-old Alice stood watch
T ub A nchor F knck .
ing her mother baking pancakes. After
Mother« will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth a few moments’ silent observation she
ing Syrup tlie best remedy to use for their 6aid:
"Put on back, turn over on
children during the teething period.
stomach, then eat.”
Serum for Diphtheria.
Piso’s Cure for Consumption is an infal
During a recent epidemic of diph
theria in a town on the Hudson, 205 lible medicine for coughs and colds.—N
cases were treated with serum, and W. S amvkl . Ocean Grove, N. J , Feb. 17
(¡rent Combination of Strength «nd Beauty.
among these there were only two 1900.
••T h « T ix T hat B inds ."
deaths.
Not Completed.
Mrs. Darling—You told me before
STopa tha Bough and
we were married that you had an in
You would be surprised if you knew
Worha Off tha Bold.
come of >3,000 a year. What has be
how little it would cost you io fix up
Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets eure a cold in
that
old fence. Better wend for some
come of it?
one day. No cure, No Pay. Price '25 cent«.
Anchor (’lamp« and Uprights, and •»
Mr. Darling—Can't tell you until I
pair of our pinchers, and mnke your o d
The Meaning in a Squeak.
get an itemized bill from your dress
wire fence look like a new one.
Ous de Smith—Those new boots of maker.—Denver News.
ANCHOR FENCE looks so nice nnd
ia so strong that fir uers sometime«
yours squeak awfully; perhaps they
think
that it must be high priced. It
TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAT
ain’t paid for yet?
isn't, the.ugh.
Johnny—That's all nonsense. If Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
refund the money If it fails to cure.
Cattle, Sheep and Hog Tight. It N evrr B lips after closing
there is anything in that, why don’t druggists
C lamp B efore U sing .
E. W. Grove's signature is on each box. 2.'«.
my coat, and vest, and my trousers,
Knew the Sort.
and my hat squeak, too?—Exchange.
Eleanor's Mother—You do Eleanor a
She is not
FITQ Permanently Cured. No fit« or nervousnee» great injustice, my dear.
■ IIO after first <lav’<* u»?of Dr. Kline’s Great Nerve idle, only delicate.
She has no power
Restorer. Send for Fit EE 8’4-00 ti ial bottle and treat
74a Nicolai St., PORTLAND, Oregon.
ise. Da.R.ll K link . Ltd..V31 Art hSt.. Philadelphia,Pa. of endurance.
Eleanor’s Father—Humph! I know
Passing Fare.
all about her power of endurance. It's
Street car conductors are never the kind that'll let her dance all night
beautiful. In fact, they are not even in shoes two sizes too small for her,
passing fare.—Philadelphia Record.
and make her too tired the next day
to dust the parlor.—New York World.
Force of Habit.
Would-Be Suitor—I desire to pay my
addresses to your youngest daughter,
sir. Have you any objections?
Druggist—My youngest daughter Is
KNOW THE VALUE OF
already engaged, young man, but I
have another daughter just as good.—
Somerville Journal.
HENNEY, $90.00 and up.
SAW MILL, ENGINE
NEW LIFE TO OLD FENCES!
Anchor Clamps and Uprights.
See Our Anchor Clamp
FARM, RAILROAD AND LAWN FENCE.
The Portland Anchor Fence Co
FAIRBANKS,
MORSE & CO.
ARING MEN
’ Tour Guide and Guard is the famous Oregon Blood
Purifier, tes;ed and true. Use it now.
Aluminum Bridges for Cavalry.
The Anstro-Hungary war office has
recently tried with success bridges of
aluminum for cavalry. They are the
invention of Captains de Vaux and de
Vail, and are easily carried on wagons.
Pumps
Grinds
cents an
OILED CLOTHING
IT WILL
olKECP YOU DRY
IN THE
1
WETTEST WEATHER
Get full pnrlirnlars from .310 Market
Street, San Francisco, Cal.; First and
Stark Sts., Portland, Or.; Ixis Angeles,
LOOK FOB ABOVE TRADE HAW
ON SALE EVERYWHERE
CATALOGUES FREE
OnOWING PULL
ANDHATi
- EOFGARntNTJ
_______ ______
AJTOWEß CO. B05T0N. MASS.
1» hegt tine to cure Catarrh,
Bronchiti» nnd (’onnumption.
Onr remedy la guaranteed, $1.
I* <>. Ho. »73.
Beware of Them
JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon,
I
Foot of Morrison Street,
Can give you
Buggies, Plows,
Win-'mills and
Mach inery. See
W. H. SMITH I GO., Buffalo, N. Y.
There ar? two affliction» which
ps-rhaps give the most pait
and trouble,
A mixture of d‘ ep ro >t<ng gra-it teed« that we
will gi nramee to grow on dr* ground that wid
not produce cereals or any other kind of gra»s
Will make rt’OD of hay, and pasture all scagon«
of th<- rear T©f Revet intetted • dollar in
{our life that wi | give you Mich results: price
16.<-0 per Kai or 2<» cents per pound. H?nd us an
order <>r
pounxl*; w? will send inetruvtiona
for aowinp Idd I r m j
it 11 i. •
\ co
Grow'-r* and Importers ot all kipdn of Gra««
end Field Heeds. MOSCOW. IDAHO.
Sciatica
•nd
St Jacobs Oil
DO OURS
D. M FERRY A CO..
Detroit. Mich.
Northwest POULTRY News
Which 1», tell you Ire« how to make money fast
in the i reseni rreat Psriflc Coast petroleum
oil loom Write tmmedintelr to Hanker« «nd
Broker. Oil Co.; J W. Hel.ner A C ., financial
agent., 215 i omrnrrr al Block, Portland, Ore.
special agenla wanted In every town.
H. P. M. Ü.
Ferry'• Reed» ar«
known the country over a»
th? moat reliable *redn that
can be bought.
Don t »av« a
»P iw-edN an«l iuae a
dollar on the harvest.
I9UI Seed Annual free.
HOME GROWN GRASS SEEDS
YOUR PART
Lumbago
the best bargains in
Boilers and Engine*,
1*1110pH an i (renerai
ne l>efure baying.
If you keep poultry mh 4 10c. for 3 mot
trial to th? Or FaMeit-r« '•onth jr,
Mia. It.
fl. • • r. Tette where
loge! beat poultry In N. W. Kample free.
FOOT» POWE R iKAwMSTS » CÍRPf NIER5 OUTFITS
4«. 15—1»O1
till 1113 :Oâ’’C« -ÄRJwflRf CO
I
NETTING.
POULTRY
Buy from the manufacturer. Price In full rolla
2 feet wide, l’<0 feet long. ............................ |L44
g M
4 •
i
M
••
«<
«•
•
••“■<
•
“ “
*
All Kind« of Wir«
PORTLAND WIRE
ir|
........................< JJ
..................... ...... IIS
and Iron Work.
A IRON WORKS
14V Fruii« ht., Portland, brego««