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About The Yamhill County reporter. (McMinnville, Or.) 1886-1904 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 15, 1901)
ST. VALENTINE’S WISDOM. Cupld sat near to St. Valentine, lie was Borling out his darts. Repairing his bow and bls quiver. And toying with broken hearts. Said he to the saint, with weary sigh, “I’m tired of this fruitless hunt. From sordid, leathery hearts to-day My arrows full dull and bluut. •‘Time was when a dart of elder pith Would pierce to the very core A common heart, and the tougher ones It would make exceeding sore. tlon eo scientifically that many witnesses were bothered to reply. When his wit nesses were put on the stand, so skillful were his questions that the court, the jury ami the bar wondered how “Abe” Lincoln knew so much about mechanism. His witnesses could reply promptly, lie gained the suit and a reputation such that Mr. Lincoln was sustained in every patent right case brought into that court, up to the time he went to Washington. He went to Chicago, St. Louis, Iowa. Ohio, Kentucky and Michigan to try pat ent right cases, and the last year of his practice did little else.—Thomas Lewis’ “Recollections of Lincoln,” in Leslie’s W.-.kly. blèed / mg I fiA-YSAS'i'. The burning at the stake of a negro on the soil of Kansas will strike many people ns being a historical paradox, “Now naught but an arrow tipped with gold says the Chicago Tribune. For the ten Wil! reurh to a vital ¡»art. And no such thing can be found to-day years Just previous to the Civil War As a tl uining, burning heart.*’ the battle for the negro’s freedom was Sahl the aged saint, ’’you quite express mainly fought in the then Territory of A CLEVER LINCOLN~STORV. The thing that I meant to say, And we've got to use modern methods, Kansas, at least so far as actual phys If we'd make the business pay. concerned. John Travel» All the Way from Berlin for ical violence was Thia Year’s Celebration. Brown lived in Osawatomie, Kan., “The turtle dove it has quite gone by. And welded hearts are passe, Here is a new Lincoln story that has with liis sous, and there commenced the But an.v battered old coronet never been published. It was told to a attacks on slavery which ended with Has a ciucb to wlu the day. Chicago man a few weeks ago by a gen liis capture at Harper’s Ferry. There “And the very Hwellost new design tleman living in Berlin, Germany: For stealiug lovers' letters, was civil war iu Kansas over the sla Two hero worshipers had long desired You would hardly guess! 'Tis the dollar very question as early as 185U. its soil High to meet Abraham Lincoln, but when the And a pa'r of golden fetters. coveted privilege was finally granted they was invaded by a "Northern army" were unspeakably disappointed in the and by Southern sympathizers. Men “Then take advice. If the game you’d bag, Use only a golden dart. personality of the rail-splitting President. were shot, hanged, tarred and feathered And draw s bead on the scheming head— Pitched battles were They gazed at him in silence ami then one on both sides. Don’t aim at he shrunken heart." —Augustus L Hanchett, lu Frauk Leslie’s of them exclaimed in a dissatisfied voice: fought and more than one Kansas town Popular Monthly. “Why, Lincoln is just a common look was burned to tlie ground. ing man like us!’’ The tight for the control of Kansas ABOUT ST. VALENTINE. The great emancipator turned to the became active when In 1854 Congress speaker and said genially: passed resolutions organizing the Ter St. Valentinus, whose head was rolled “Yes, my friend, but I have the conso into a basket one bright morning in the lation of knowing that God loves com ritory, to be admitted later as a State, year of our Lord. 270, lent his name to mon looking men!” with or without slavery, immediately the day which is now consecrated to “How do you make that out?’’ queried a body of pro-slavery men from Mis youth and love, but it is pretty generally the other interestedly. souri crossed tlie river and laid out conceded by wise men that it is an ana “Oh, because lie made so many of Leavenworth, tlie first city In the Ter chronism to connect him with the origin them!” ritory. During tlie next month a body of the festival. Indeed traces of the celebration have been found among tlie HOW LINCOLN WON HIS WIFE. of emigrants from Massachusetts, sent out as an anti-slavery colony, settled at traditions which come down from the pagans of ancient Europe, and in several Mie Married Hirn iiecanae He Was the Lawrence and organized a “squatter I ¡flieat Man She I ver Saw. directions may I m * detected evidences that government." Andrew II. Reeder of Mr. Lincoln used to take great delight Pennsylvania was appointed the first it was not a custom founded in Home, in telling how he gained a knife by his Governor of tlie Territory. Meanwhile but rather inherited there. In the long ago there was a custom ugly looks. That story has been pub tlie slavery men of Missouri were form among the youth in Home to draw from lished, but I have not seen another iu ing societies and planning for controll print, telling how he gained his wife, a golden box a slip of paper on which was written the name of a girl. This says a well-known writer. Mrs. Lincoln ing the government of Kansas. When was done in the name of Pan and Juno, was a beautiful lady, attractive, sharp, tlie first election for a Territorial dele and was called the Lupercalia. Later the witty and relished a joke even nt her own gate to Congress was held they swarm priests substituted the names of saints expense. She was staying with her sis ed over tlie river and succeeded in se for those of young women, ami the 14th ter, Mrs. Edwards. She had not been curing the election of the pro-slavery of February was fixed upon for the feast there long before everybody knew Miss candidate. of Lupercalia. Out of this grew the <-us- Mary Todd. She often said: “When a When the lirst Legislature met at Pawnee the pro-slavery members at ABRAHAVl LINCOLN AND SCENES OP HIS EARLY LIFE. once drove out the few "free soil” mem bers and changed tlie seat of govern ment. Meanwhile Governor Reeder had been accused of official Irregularities and was removed from office, and a convention of “Free-Soilers” met and repudiated all the acts of the Legisla ture, Wilson Shannon of Ohio was ap- pointed to succeed Heeder as Governor, and he got to ids new scene of iluty Just In time for serious trouble. The former Governor, Heeder, had been B/ rth J choou place elected to Congress by the “free soil" House party, and the slavery men met In con vention and declared that to decline to obey the laws passed by the recent Leg islature was treason. Two or three men were killed in quarrels over tills ques SPLITTING tion. and a body of 800 "free soil" men, STUDYiriG bcFona oren including John Brown and ills four FIRCPLACK sons, enlisted to protect themselves, wlille 1,500 armed Missourians march ed over to oppose them. Governor Shannon was able to prevent a collision and both forces finally dispersed. Amidst tremendous excitement and much violence on both sides a “free soil” constitution was adopted in De cember, 1855. Under this constitution Charles Robinson was elected Gover nor. But this action was nullified by tqips which are now observed on St. Vai girl I thought I would not marry until I President Pierce, who in a special mes entine’s day. , could get one of the handsomest men in There is one tiling these wise books do the country, but since I became a woman sage to Congress recognized tlie first Legislature and declared tiiat tlie Rob not tell us, however, and that is where I learned 1 can’t get inson government was revolutionary. and wlii'ii tlie comic valentine originated. caused me to chang If you will take from its shelf any one concluded to marrj In order to carry out the effects of tills of tile standard works of Illis description man 1 can find.” message the United States troops iu you will also discover that it maintains Later on Lincoln She Kansas were put under command of n discreet, yet significant, silence upon find never seen him him tlie Territorial Governor, But the “free tlie causes which led up to tile deenpitii- on the street. She was soil” Legislature met in spite of the tion of old St. Valentinus thill smiling and went home am she morning in the long ago. it simply tells had seen her man, ‘‘the ugliest man I Presidential prohibition, While they you that lie was executed in tlie midst of ever saw Abraham Lincoln—and I am were in session a large body of slavery the Cliimlinu persecutions, but never for going to set my cap for him.’’ That be men from Georgia, Alabama, and a moment should it tie forgotten tiiat came a common saying in street gossip. South Carolina entered Kansas, and even persecutors must have a calls.-. W hen they were married, instead of tak ttie grand Jury of Douglas County in- There lias long been n private suspii ion ing a bridal trip, they wont to a hotel dieted tlie "free soil" Governor, Robin that old St. Valentinus was himself the and took board at $1 a week. son. and all tin* leaders associated with originator of the comic valentine, and When he got able he bought a lot for him on a charge of high treason. For that lie expiated liis crime in about $200. and built a four-roomed house tlie proper manner, it does not require coating less than $1,000. When he re- mer Governor Reeder, who had been any undue stress upon tlie imagination to reived $5,000 from his great railroad case chosen Territorial Representative in see him forwarding to tlie blmperor Clan- he «pent $1.500 of it in putting a second Congress, and Governor Robinson were ilius, n picture of a knoek-ktieed, w Imp story on his house, and there he lived uu- arrested for high treason. The author per jawed pirate who is surmounted with til he went to Washington. ities arrested many other free soil lead a tinsel crown and whose nose is painted ers at Lawrence and destroyed tlie For a Valentine Party. with the tints of conflagration, while be A “Valentine cake” may be Introduced Emigrant Aid Society Hotel and the neath it all stood a bit of verse which lieraid of Freedom printing office. more Ilian intimated that Claudy, old boy, with good effect at a Valentine party. Then civil war broke out in deadly didn't know enough about the emperor This can be gotten up in two ways; the business to hurt. And what would be first, a nicely iced cake, decorated with earnest. Captain Pate started out with more natural than for Claudy to call for candy hearts having sentimental mottoes tan armed body to "destroy old Brown” liis warders, ho! and cut off Mr. Valen on them. Let the cake be divided into at Osawatomie. For more than a the requisite number of slices. in the tine's head? month the fighting continued, and the The writers tell us that the romantic slices the young girls draw or make a Missouri River was closed to the pas- features of St. Valentine’s day are being small slit with the sharp blade of a knife, revived, particularly in Kngland. Weari- and insert into the opening a slip of card sage of "free soil” emigrants. Meanwhile tlie national government glad of this, because we have always felt board on which is written the name of that one day at least should be set apart some young man who Is present. First was taking a liilnd In the struggle. A iu honor of that single passion which a young lady chooses a slice of cake, then bill admitting Kansas ns a State was dwells with man and beast alike. Love the gentleman selects one. In those slices passed by the lower bouse of Congress is just as much entitled to a festival as the latter draw are such small articles ns In June. 1850. Under this bill the "free labor. To the latter we have given a denote the sort of wife Fate has chosen soil" constitution was recognized. On legal holiday, and the day is coming when to be each young man’s partner for life. that account It was defeated in the old St. Valentine will thi<i hi in self rve- Thun, a silver coin signifies wealth, a Senate. When the “free soil” Legisla ognixed in the statutes made and provld- scrap of silk a fashionable wife, a penny ed as well as through tht* pictorial raah poverty, a tiny spoon a flood housekeep ture attempted to meet In Topeka it which breaks out upon humanity once in er, a pen a literary woman, a small silver was dispersed by United States troops heart a marriage for love, a small brush acting under order of President Pierce. every year. an artistic wife, a tiny mirror a vain All over the country the tight for woman, a piece of crape a widow, etc.— Kansas was exciting great Interest and LINCOLN AS A LAWYER. Woman’s Home Companion. many organizations were formed to as llow the tnimort.l "Alt." Won Ilia sist either the “Free-Soilers” or the pro A Valentine. Korly Sncc.es nt the B.r, slavery party. The civil war In the A »nit was brought in the United The north wind 1« a-cold. Sobbing behind the hill; Territory continued with increasing State. Court in Springfield against a citi The world aeema while and old. violence. zen for an infringement of a patent right. For the wluter bath Ila will; Mr. 1.¡matin went to the moat skilled ar And there la no thruah In the haiel brush During the next few years events of To flute with a allverv trill. chitect in the city, iiiquirod how he spent «ensational Interest followed fast. Gov his winter evenings, and received the re The pale dawns come and go. ernor Shannon w as remove«!. The Ter And the chill auroras flare; ply: "If times are brisk 1 sometimes ritory was declared to lie in a state of While the spirit of the snow work: otherwise I have no special buai- Move« wralth lke through the air. open Insurrection and rebellion. A “ I have a pat And we know that death of the Icy breath neaa.*’ Mr. Lincoln said: number of pitched battles were fought Is about us everywhere. ent right case in court: I want you «s a between the "free soil" and pro-slavery 1 know partner, and will divide fee«. forces, in which honors were almost nothing about mechanic»- never made it equally divhled; Territorial Governors it a atudg. I want you to make a list of the best works on mechanism, as I don’t were removed, resigned, and fled the suppose they can be purchased here. 1 State in rapid succession; John Brown will furnish the money, and you can send and his men mad«* a raid into Missouri, to Chicago or New York for them. I An Odd nn a Woman. liberated fourteen slaves, and brought want you to come to my house one night One of the oddest bequests on record them back to Kansas; Horace Greeley ra< h w eek and give me Instructions." In Is that of ti»e late George Bussell, the and Abraham Lincoln made spee«-hes n short time he had witnesses to meet well known sculptor, of Aberdeen lie within the boundaries of the State and him. and they were thoroughly drilled When the trial commenced. Mr. IJncoln left $75.000 for the benefit of scaven gradually the "free soil" forces gained .control. Finally, in lfltk) the National put bia queatioua nt th» ervaa exauiina I gers and policemen. House of Representatives voted to ad mit Kansas as a State under the so- called Wyandotte constitution. The bill was passed by the Senate iu Janu ary, 1801, and immediately approved. Charles Robinson was the first State Governor. From a civil war of its own the new State was plunged Immediate ly into the greater war which involved "A true poet writes poetry because the whole country. he can’t help It.” "Oh. no; a true poet writes poetry because nobody can stop A WILD RIDE. him.”—Chicago Record. Sunday School Teacher—Wlio Is Broken Harness Gives a Stage-Coach meant by the father of lies? Johnny a Perilous i.escent. The descent from the easiest pass (with recent history in his mind)—Some across the Blue Ridge Mountains there Chinee, 1 guess.—Baltimore American. abouts, known as Snicker’s Gap. to the A Dreadful State of Affairs: He— Shenandoah River is long and steady. Well, we can’t believe more than half At regular Intervals a little elevation we hear. She—Oh. worse than that; of solid earth, also known as a brake, I can’t believe more than half 1 say.— has been banked up across the road, Life. to keep it from being washed away by "Is the bos In?” asked the stranger, the heavy rains. A ferry, propelled by entering the drug store. "No,” replied the river current, carries the stage the absent-minded clerk; "but we have coach across the Shenandoah, which something just as good.”—Yonkers flows at the foot of the mountain. Statesman. Cue day the coach, well loaded with Corrected—Lady Tourist (doing the passengers and their baggage, had at- Cathedral of Scotland)—This is Gothic, tained a fair speed, when an accident isn’t it, John? Juvenile vendor of to the harness occurred. The driver "Guides” (severely)—No, mem; this is could not turn the vehicle in against Presbyterian.—Punch. the high banks on either side without Cause and Effect.—"No wonder Gil- upsetting it, and perhaps maiming its sey is good natured. Everything comes occupants. There was nothing to do his way.” "Perhaps everything comes but to "keep the horses on their feet his way simply because he is good na and guide them.” tured."—Boston Transcript. Every time he reached one of tlie Jester—There's one good thing about mounds across the road he had to exer cise tli«‘ greatest skill in steering over an ice trust—It can't afford to shut up it squarely; but by coolness aud pres shop like i lie mill trust, for instance. ence of mind he brought liis load safe Jenkins—Why can't it? Jester—Why, ly, although at a tremendous speed, the ice’d melt.—Ohio State Journal. "Did you ever hear anything against down the mountain. From iong expe rience lie knew where it was possible his honesty?” "No, sub,” answered Mr. to drive Into the river without getting Erastus Pinkley. "But he eats chicken beyond his depth, and as he boldly mighty reg'lar on Sunday an’ he's alius plunged his team into the stream an got an umberell when it rains.”—Boston effective brake upon its speed began to Herald. operate. It soon eatne to a standstill, Right in His Line.—“The first Ameri and the terror-stricken passengers drew can to enter Pekin was a soldier-mu a long breath once more. Row-boats sician who scaled the wall." "Well, came out after them, the harness and say, a musician ought to be an expert brakes were repaired, and the Journey on the scale, hadn't he?”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. resumed. It is not strange that this one occa He (in his wrath)—When I married sion of the thousands of times this you I had no idea what a fool you were. man had been down tlie mountain She (in her equanimity;—Tlie fact tiiat should stand out distinct in liis memo I was willing to marry you should have ry. This is the way history is made up. removed all doubts on that point.—Bos Ordinary occurrences are forgotten ton Transcript. while an unusual event is remembered, The Indignant Citizen.—"Don't drag the marvelousness of it seeming even to Increase with the years; and the his my name into print in connection with tory of nations Is but the enlarged form this absurd affair,” cried tlie indignant citizen; "but if you do, be sure to spell of the history of every-day life. out my middle name in full.”—Cleve land Plain Dealer. WON A TITLE WITH HIS GUN. A Rise in Life: Casey—Since the Hiram S. Maxim Is Now a Kniaht of Hoolihans got rich. I sh’pose they’re the British Empire, t'rowln’ on all kinds av shtoile. Mur Hiram Stevens Maxim, upon whom phy—I slid say so! They’ve changed the order of Knighthood was conferred th' goat’s name to Nannette, b'gob!— by Queen Victoria, became a natural Baltimore American. ized British subject on September 10, "Stimson is a mean man.” “Why 1899 He has lived iu England since so?” "He’s got a way of keeping his 1883, going thither because of the lack wife from going through his pockets of appreciation shown by the United for loose change.” “How’s that?” "He States government for his famous in spends it ajl before he gets borne.”— ventions in gunnery. Mr. Maxim, or Cleveland Plain Dealer. Sir Hirant Maxim, as he must now be Resting His Eyes.—Exchange Editor— called. Is not only an inventor of auto- I am sorry to say my eyes have gone back on me, and 1 can’t read any more. Can't you give me something else to do? Managing Editor—You might do book reviews.—Exchange. Very Aggravating: Wife—Oh. doctor! will John pull through? Doctor—Can’t say. ma’am. The crisis will not arrive for at least a week. Wife—Oh. dear! And that bargain sale of mourning goods ends to-morrow.—Judge. RESULT OF I FILL. SAN FRANCISCO ATTORNEY STRICKEN WITH PARALYSIS. Shock to th« System Krings on Nervous Prostration —How a Cure Was K fleeted. It is doubtful if anything could be written more convincing than the in teresting story related by Mr. Edward T. Dudley, a practicing attorney for 25 years in San Francisco with offices at 83 City Hill avenue. Mr. Dudley lost his balance while standing upon the rear platform of a street car, causing him to fall, striking the ground with the back of his head, which brought on a feeling of numbness aud eventually paralysis. Mr. Dudley tells his ex perience in his own way as follows: “After the fall from the car I passed it bv as an accident that had left no apparent ill effects; yet a few weeks later, in endeavoring to get on a car, I found 1 could not raise my foot. From i this time paralysis began iu my feat and in time my lower limbs became numb. I became paleasaghost and it brought on a bloodless condition of ! my system. From being a strong, healthy man of 180 pounds, I was e-r duced to 145 pounds, and my doctor told my wife that it was only a ques tion of time when I should have to take my bed. Medicine prescribed by the doctors did no good, and, at the time I started to take Di. Williams’ Pink Pills for Pale People, if I fell down 1 could not possibly get up again unassistance. I could scarcely walk a block. Now I can walk three or four miles without fatigue, and as you see, am altogether a different man —and all from eight or nine boxes of Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills for Pale Peo ple- “After trying Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills, I could see in a very short time that I was picking up color and my health and general system was much improved. I did not change my diet, nor did I take any other medicine, and my increase in weight from 145 pounds to 185 pounds I can lay to nothing else than Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills for Pale People. Signed. EDWARD T. DUDLEY. Subscribed and sworn to before me this 10th day of July, 1900. Justin Gates, Notary Public. At all druggists or direct from Dr. Williams Mediciue Co., Schenectady, N. Y., on receipt of price, 50 cents per box; 6 boxes $2.50. REALISTIC SONGS. Queer Questions Evoked by Henry Rus» sell’s Ballud Sincing. Henry Russell, the well-known Eng lish vocalist, relates in his autobiog raphy that on one occasion he gave, at Hanley, England, an entertainment for the benefit of the Staffordshire potters, who were in great distress. After he had sung his song, "There’s a good time coming, boys; wait a little longer,” a man in the crowd arose, greatly ex cited. and shouted: "Muster Russell, can ye fix the toime?” Another artisan ill tlie reserved seats stood up and said: "Shut oop, man; Muster Russell ’ll write to ye!” At Newcastle-upon-Tyne Mr. Russell sang "Tlie Gambler's Wife,” in which the wife is represented as awaiting the gambler's return to his home. The clock strikes 1—it strikes 2—it strikes if. As it strikes 4 the young wife, clasp ing her child to her bosom, dies in hope less despair. At this point a woman stood up and shrieked in shrill tones: “Oh, Mr. Russell, if it had been me, wouldn't I have fetched him home!” In earlier days, as the same vocalist was singing, "Woodman. Spare That Tree!" an old gentleman cried: “Mr. Russell, was the tree spared?” "It was, sir.” “Thank God for that!” exclaimed the old gentleman with a sigh of relief. Wbeu "The Newfoundland Dog” had been sung—a piece which describes the dog saving a child's life—a North coun tryman exclaimed: “Was the child saved, mon?” “It was. sir.” Then, with the anxious look of one asking a great favor, the man pleaded: "Could ye tell me where to get a dog like that?”—Philadelphia Saturday Evening Post Clark—I wonder how a man feels when he finds himself hopelessly bank inntie guns but has paid attention to rupt. Clerk—Say, didn’t your wife electricity aud other branches of me ever insist upon having the dress chanical art. His time now is devoted maker in to make her fall clothes right largely to attempts to perfect a flying after getting home from the seashore? machine, and he has spent no inconsid -Life. Quickly Told.—Friend—What was erable part of his enormous fortune in experiments along tills line. For his your graduation essay about? Mabel— achievements in electrical experiment “What the Astronomers Know About he was decorated In 1881 with the cross Mars ” “Dear me! Why did you choose of the Legion of Honor by President that subject?” “Because I didn’t have Grevy of France. The firm of which he time to write much.”—New York is a member employs 14,000 persons Weekly. and turns out everything required in The Cheerful Idiot: “I wonder,” said war from the smallest automatic gun the shoe-clerk boarder, “why they call to a complete battleship. The new It mistletoe?” “It Is so called because British knight is 00 years old aud is a the miss'll toe the mark every time she sees a bit of it suspended it anywhere,” native of Yaungcrsvllle. Me. said the Cheerful Idiot.—Indianapolis Not Very Guilty. Press. Somewhat suggestive of the Scotch Tommy—Pa. what does “disagree” verdict, "Not proven,” is the judgment mean? Pa—Well, when two people renderod in a Western town when, says think alike they are said to agree. the Green Bag. the most popular citizen Now. you can guess what “disagree” had soundly whipped a tough charac There Was a Mistake. means. Tommy—O, yes, that's when "1 think, ” he began, as he halted a pe ter. only one people thinks alike.—Philadel To vindicate the majesty of the law, destrian; * I think I made a mistake phia Press. the offend«*r was brought up for trial. with the cabman who drove me to the Scandal: "She seems to me one of the Corcoran Art Gallery. I am quite sure The jury were out about two minutes. most distinguished-looking young "Well." saiil the judge, in a familiar, I gave him a $10 bill, but he must have women in Boston!” "They tell dreadful mistaken it for a $2 bill.” offhand way, "what have the Jury to | stories about her!” “Indeed?” "Yes. “And you hope to find him again?” say?” they say. for instance, that the lenses "May it please the court," responded asked the man of the stranger to the of her spectacles are plain glass, with city. the foreman, "we. the jury. fin«l that no magnifying power whatever.”—De "Why, yes, I have hopes.” the prisoner is not guilty of hittin’ with troit Journal. intent to kill, but simply to paralyze; "Well, you are about as green as they “See here, Willetts, I hear a lot of make ’em. That cabman deliberately and lie done IL” Th«* verdict was received with ap you young fellows have organized a swindled you out of many dollars." "I can’t hardly believe it He looked plause. and the prisoner received an suicide club." "You are the fourth man to spring that remark on me. I so honest and truthful that I—I---- ” ovation. dou't see how it started. All we have "That you ought to have asked him to What He Meant. done Is to club together to do our own hold your watch and the rest of your “That was the year," said Jesse Spar cooking while our wives are away."— money! My dear old Josh from the hawk to the little group of listetfc*rs Indianapolis Press. cornfields, let me say----- ” who liad gathered to hear his reminis “We are Just holding a love feast.” At that minute a cab rattled up, and cences of war times, "that was the very said young Mr. Linger, audaciously, to the driver dismounted and said: year that my cellar was so unmerci Mr. Frisbie, when that father of an "See here, old man. there is a mis fully overflowed.” ! engaged daughter put bis head in the take. You probably meant to give me a "What de you mean by ’unmercifully parlor doorway at 11:35 p. tn. “1 $2 bill, and I thought it was one when overflowed.' I'd like to know?" demand thought It must be a protracted meet I gave yon a dollar in change.” ed Mr. Potts, tlie town trial, from the ing." said the old gentleman, as he “But I think It was a $10. my friend." outskirts of tlie group. "I don't gather withdrew.—Harper's Bazar. "No. it was $20. and I have been driv your sense." "Did you ever get religion?" asked ing about for half an hour to Bud you "1 mean." said Mr. Sparhawk, after a the revitalise "Well. I should say so and restore the money. Here it is.” glare at the offender who had thus ar “And what was it yon were going to —138 pounds of it,” replied the man. rested him '.n the full tide of recollec “A hundre«! and thirty-eight pounds of «ay to your dear old Josh from the coru- tion, "that there was too much water religion!"*cried the revivalist "How fields?" asked the old man. as he turn for walking, an’ not enough for boat did you get that?” "The only way that 'd to the wise person. ing. I sh’d think 'twas plain enough." a good many men ever get religion.'* But the wise person was there no Never vfola'e a faith, desert a friend was the reply. "I married it."— Chi longer. He was flying for a car as if | running for bia life.—Washington Post. cago Post or l«*ave a woman in an ill-humor. MAXIM AND HIS INVENTION.