pack mules .
moderi » dress .
L0ND0N IN HERB? VIIL'S TIME»
GREAT MEN’S NAMES.
The progress of civilization has de-
During the reign of Henry VIII. the
sra Bulli up Among Mount* . valoped the decorative tendencies in
''""b.re no Bond May Como.
every direction, but the original impulses Wbat Some Autographs are Worth, and splendor of the civic shows rose to its
utmost height, and the profusion of gold
Why.
are found in all countries and in all
and silver displayed, the costly silks,
times.
The
savage
who
shows
a
curious
one who travels through the coun-
embroidered tapestries, and gorgeous
On the sixth or top floor of a hand
L of the Rocky Mountains, will taste in nose pieces and body paint is as
much a votary of fashion as the Pariaien- some, commodious private house on dresses caused the pageant to reach a
climax of magnificence which is almost
, for wonder at seeing, in places ne whose whole soul is concentrated
incredible. It must not be imagined,
Jitficult of access, towns of sub- upon the effectiveness of her dress. Forty-second street, New York, is an ohi however, that all this parade signified
man,
probably
some
70
years
of
age,
a
Both
sexes
have
been
equally
weak
at
! I buildings, of which the material
universal prosperity throughout London,
not have come from anywhere in times in their slavish surrender to this native of New England. He is tall and and that the citizens contributed equally
tyrannical despotism. But the males thin, has scanty gray locks and beard,
to its maintenance. It was far other
jfigliliorhood. Ami yet they may have in a measure emancipated them
ndrisis of miles from a railroad,
selves. The garb ol our modern bucks and betrays in his habitual stoop a sed wise. The wealth of the metropolis was
entary habit. Matthew Morgan, or at that time engrossed bj- comparatively
.«hole of that town has been car- and bloods compares favorably with that
"Autograph Mat,” as he is familiarly few individuals, and these spectacles
of
the
dandies
and
macaronis
of
the
past.
. re, and most of it on the backs
the only opportunities which the
Their attire lias some manliness in it- known to second-hand l«ooksellers, is an were
rich and powerful possessed for showing
s #nd mules.
In what are they are sensibly shod; the stuffs they
interesting character, remarkable not forth their , opulence,' while they also
| pack-trains they have carried the wear are serviceable and suited to our
only
for the uncommon nature of his vo afforded the only amusements available
L that made the houses and all that changeable seasons. It is no longer the
cation
and his unswerving pursuit of and to the coinmen pieople. The manner of
kuuses contain over journeys that custom to swallow up a whole patrimony
living among the generality of the citi
in
tailor
s
hills.
The
lavish
employment
devotion
to it, but for the extent of his zens was at that time very miserable.
lliave taken weeks to make, and
of
the
most
costly
materials
has
also
dis
journevings
through
the
civilized
world,
Lh places where the chances were
According to an ancient map of the
¡before the train got past, some of appeared. Silks and satins, except as and for his scholarship.
period the whole of the metropolis was
regards
gorgeous
socks
or
«lecorative
Linial* would go over a precipice.
“What valuable autograph letters have then confined within the city walls, ami
Cgular freight train will sometimes neckties, are left to women. The use of you on hand at present?” was asked of the suburbs were almost wholly void of
frills
and
jabots
or
rar«*
Valenciennes
[fifty animals, generally all mules,
buildings. A few houses stood in Smith-
him.
L|i horses are used. Mules are to has gone with full-bottomed wigs and
field, and a few more le«i to the Strand;
“
Well,
let
me
see.
Here
are
three
in
deferred, not because of greater small-clothes of gold brocade. Men do the handwriting of Byron, the poet, one but the fields came close up> to the wall
Ln of foot, but for the reason that not wear shirts which cost £10 or £20 of them, quite long, addressed to his along almost the whole of its northern
Charing
I backs are more level, so that they apiece, as thfiv did when that sum meant friend Mr. Hobhouse. It is dated June. and eastern circumference.
Lt liable to be chafed by their loads. six or seven times its present value; nor 1814, and is a very characteristic pro Cross was merely connected with the
do
they
fix
priceless
jewels
in
their
shoe
Lie can carry from 200 to 600
duction. It opens thus: ‘Why, Johnny, city by an irregular row of houses, and
L. but those that can bear the laces, or carry muffs of rare furs on their in the name of Apollyon ami his master, the village of St. Giles lay isolated in
hands.
The
present
fashions
are
a
dis
L weight are exceptional animals,
did you not turn up> last night according the open country. Inside the wall were
f# are two styles of apparatus for tinct improvement upon those of even to appointment? I waited for you two no less than 130,000 constant residents;
fe’s back, to which his burden is a more recent period. The tight-fitting, mortal hours. Neither you nor any of for the merchants had then no country
Lj, One is called a pack saddle, high-collared monstrosities of the Georg your race were ever before so roundly villas, but dwelt night and «lay upon
Lenibles very closely a sawbuck, ian epoch went out with the King who cursed. I was astonished first at your their business premises. The houses
f contrivance used on the backs of permitted a seam but called a crease in- audacity in breaking so solemn a treaty were small and narrow, ami the floors,
bken colts. The other ia much | tolerable. No one, not the most fatuous with me, secondly, at my own patience, says Erasmus, “were commonly of day,
fr seen, and it is called by its Span- land empty-headed devotee of high col- which had never endured a like exercise strewed with rushes, under which lay
¡ame, apparejo. This consists of | lars and single studded shirts, would before, and lastly, at my own volubility unmolested an ancient collection of beer,
treat saddle-bags, each about two give a tithe of the time Beau Brummel as I anathematized you and all your grease, fragments, bones ami everything
¡wide and three feet long, stuffed devoted to his voluminous and largely works. But really, my dear Hobhouse,’ that is nasty.” The same author tells
hav until they become three or four unsuccessful ties. But with the weaker etc., etc., etc.
The disappointment, us that the crow ded manner of building
L thick, ami also with half a dozen sex the reverse is still the case. While you see, which occasioned this letter ami the almost total exclusion of light
L rods running lengthwise inside to men have in a measure shaken them seems to have been nothing more than ami air from the dwellings caused the
«them keep their shape and hold selves free, women are now, as ever, the breaking of an engagement by Hob frequent plagues with which the city
completely under the dominion of dresB. house to accompany Byron to Vauxhall was ravaged. Alleys, courts and by-
[load better.
Le two bags are joined at the top The passion is as old as the hills. He Gardens, then a ¡dace much resorted to paths abounded in every direction, and
Lther of their own width, so that brew wives and maidens laced tightly by holiday-making cockneys, but now a the streets, though numerous, were
1 flung across the back they hang and added fringes of gay colors to their densely populated district of London. narrow. There was but one commodious
lthe sides and reach the belly. If snow-white robes. For them a sister The price of this letter consisting of three ami regular road. It led through the
bail consists of several small pack- discovered in Solomon's reign the special closely-filled foolscap» pages, is $250. heart of the city, from Alilersgate to
thev are made up into two bun- uses of the silkworm : “Ce ver rampant Will there be any difficulty in finding a Ludgate, and, as it was the route of all
■ each ono of which is securly qui liabille l’homme de feuilles d’arbres purchaser for it? Oh, no! The other the civic processions and shows, great
elaborees dans son zein.” Egyptian two letters are brief, and relate simply care was bestowed upon it by the muni
dso that it will not come apart,
i a double rope, called the swing beauties, sitting under the shadow of the to business matters, yet I expect to easi cipal authorities. It was almost entirely
L is thrown over the apparejo, and pyramids in the days of the I’haroahs, ly realize $20 apiece for them. Here are occupied by goldsmiths’ shops, and all
sleeked and preened themselves before
bundles are lifted up on the beast’s their brightly burnished brazen mirrors, three verses, unsigned, by George Her trades of a less splendid appearance
: anil the ends of the r«q»e joined heightening their charms with collyrium bert, the old English divine, worth at were rigidly excluded.—[The National
them, so that they hang suspended, and henna, and trying • new effects in least $100; they would bring double and Review.
half as much if they bore his signature.
tounterbalancing the other. After
NO FRIEND OF HERS.
costume. Artifice was resorted to by
‘ have been shifted anil adjusted so the ladies of Greece to increase their Here is a letter written by John Wes
“
I
was
down
at the stock-yards, yes
ley,
and
here
a
piresentation
copy
of
the weight is rightly distributed, beauty; they, too] wore body bands and
are ready to be fastened securely to belts to improve their figures, and it is Cowper’s ‘Task,’ with the poet's writ terday,” observed Mrs. Cauliflower,
ipparejo; and to do this a rope is more than probable that the celebrated ing on the title-page. I once owned a “and stepped into the Sun newspaper
longer and heavier than the swing girdle of Venus was the germ and proto brief letter written by Sir Walter Raleigh office, for a few moments, to see my
while a prisoner in the Tower of London, friend, Mr. Hoyt. And in the course
. called a lash rope.
type of the modern stays. The Roman
hen this is finally tied, it has the matrons carried the rage for dress to ex which I sold to a wealthy gentleman in of our conversation, he referred inci-
dently to you, my dear.”
Virginia for $1,000.”
aranee of a cat’s cradle. It seems travagant excess.
The beauty who
“And what did he say about me?”
“How about the value of autograph
ive twice passed straight around the would preserve her complexion slept with
demandeil Mrs. Rosebush.
al and twice around him diagonally, a flour poultice on her face; she bathed letters by modern authors?”
“He said he had been very well
“Well, a brief letter written by Ten
is in the direction from his near in asses’ milk, and spent long hours at
ider to his off hip, and from his her toilet braiding, dyeing and dressing nyson will bring in New York all the acquainted with you, for more than
hip to his off shoulder. In reality her beautiful hair, of which all the ladies way from $15 to $25, but in London it eleven years; and, well, I can’t remem
«only gone once under his belly, of Rome were especially proud. Her would realize nothing. Bv the same ber all the adjectives he used, but any
then has been caught on the corners garments were rich and varied in color, rule letters by Longfellow will command how, he was profuse with panegyrical
>e apparejo, anil has had a couple if not in shape, but the coquettish taste as much in London, though here they laudations and overflowing with the
1 in it by which the two straight of the wearer could give endless changes are a drug. Letters by Charles Dickens most profuse* ami verbos«* commendatory
ids going over the pack that at first to the draping of the palla or stole. sell any way at all times, always realiz eulogisms.”
“And when he'd finished ’em. what
swayed on with all the packer’s Later civilization has proved as fanciful ing good prices.”—[New York Tribune.
did you do and say?” responded Mrs.
igtli. have been further drawn apart in matters of dress as the old. The sex
»p until they make the figure of a through countless generations has main PENVER, COL., TWENTY-FIVE YEARS Rosebush, with ill-disguised efforts to
smother down her uprising indignation.
AGO.
Kind, and it is this which gives the tained til«* traditions handed down from
“Why, of course, 1 fell in with his
e to the loop called the “diamond classical times. Sovereigns set the fash
Why, in that early golden age no
i,” without which no pack can be ions to the ladies of their Court; the doors were locked at night; the intel train of expletives, and fully coincided
rely fastened. The man who packs crowd followed suit and set sumptuary lectual tramp had not yet heard of with his effulgent, periorative, extola-
the near side first throws the lash laws at defiance. One Queen introduced Colorado; the cultured eastern burglar tory glorification.” Mrs. Rosebush, in
“Well,” retorted
across the pack, ami in doing so he the bonnet a cation; another the “sugar- was still doing missionary work in New
mortification, “I’d
» it a peculiar twist that looks sim- loaf” head tie. Catherine de M lici England, and the bogus insurance evident pain and it of you. I have
inongh, but a person could watch ruled French fashion with the most im company was then relieving the widow never have thought for my friend; and
always took you
■do it for weeks and yet have no perious sway. She laid down limits and the orphan in the land of the only to think that you should have
■er idea how it was done than a which waists should not exceed, and Puritans. And there were no dudes stood by and heard that big, hateful,
' observer could get of the trick by I popularized a cruel steel corset intended here then. Just fancy one of those wretched creature abuse me, an honest
h a .monte man manages to hope- to compass these dimensions. Our own little animals out here among the and decent woman, in such a foul man
y mix up his three cards.
Queen Bess was a woman to the finger pioneers, dressed in a wash basin hat, a ner, ami never have lifted your finger
is wonderful to see the wisdom of tips as regarded matters of dress. She blue necktie, a bob-tailed velvet coat, to resent it! Let me tell you, Mrs.
rk mule on the march. Except was fond of the most gorgeous apparel, sausage-skin pants and patent leather Rosebush, this settles it. I’ve t»een
a man, followed by the bell mule, and at her death her wardrobe was found shoes, with the toe as long ami sharp as mistaken with respect to your professed
I in front of the train to lead the to contain 3,000 costumes. Her loyal a picket pin, riding along a gulch upon friendship, but I’ve found you out at
, he is left to his own resources, female subjects freely imitated her ex a saddle about the size ami shape of a last; you are no friend of mine, and I
i rule the whole train marches in ample, anti their fondness for colossal miner's pancake, as he now joggles along shall never darken your door again;
an file, but when the road lies ruffs stiff with the newly-introduced Broadway at a single-foot gait, looking and when you call over to my house to
*» smooth and even prairie, , the starch for long-waisted gowns made of “just too sweet for anything.” [Laugh borrow a drawing of tea, I shan’t la* at
i is apt to scatter a little, and five silk, velvet, satin, taffeta or gros grain ter.] Why, the pioneers would have home, and don’t you forget it.”
ax animals go side by side, The brought down upon them much caustic lassoed him for a new species of jackass
And the enraged woman, majestically
»ent that a ford is reached, how« ever, satire at the time.—[Mrs. Armytage, in rabbit; the women would have run him drawing herself up, withdrew from her
difficult passage of any sort, they the Fortnightly Review.
through a sluice box and panned him friend’s presence with queenly hauteur
¡actively fall back again into rank,
out for a «lollar-store brass hair-pin. ami magnificent scorn.—[Chicago Tele
----------------------
each passes in turn. In going up
The Glasgow Tinies tells a good story And there were no Mother Hubbard gram.
own a steep hill, if there is a trail, of a Glasgow boy who had lieen sum gowns then. [Laughter.] Picture, if
¡11 not I k * diverged from ; but if there moned as a witness in a case before the you can. a pioneer woman in a Mother ONE HUNDRED AND THREE MEN KNOW
ALL ABOUT SUN SPOTS.
one, the greatest freedom of pro- Municipal Court. His mothertook great Hubbard gown sailing around a camp
’ is taken. And yet the whole ■ pains in instructing him as to his behav fire. No; our pioneer woman had no
An old street scientist in New York
1 will ascend or descend on the ior, and was particularly solicitous as to such habits. [Loud laughter.]. Nor has been renting a venerable telescope
f principle; that is, they will follow his doing at once, without a moment's did the pioneers wear stovepipe hats. to such curious passers by as desireil to
(zag path. They may approach the i hesitation, whatever he might lie asked to I remember the first plug hat 1 ever gaze at the sun and would pay a nickel
in perfect order, but the moment do. The hour of trial arrived, and Jock, saw on the head of a pioneer. It adorne«! for the privilege. Quite a crowd collected
it is reached they scatter along its in his “Sunday claes,” set out for Court the crown of P. P. Wilcox as be ventured each day and patronage was lilieral. It
’• crossing back and forth among in high spirits. He had not been gone timidly along Larimer street one «lav. became rushing when the veteran fakir
»selves, making only short tracks, long when he returned, sobbing bittlerlv. True, this was as late as 1866, and the hung up a sign, “One day only—a free
thus passing over a seemingly im- The following colloquy ensued : “What's j pioneer days were then considered past, view of the sun.” The line extended
nble hill with little greater effort wrang wi' ye. laddie?” "Nae muckle.” but it was a sad example, anil was the half a block, Old Deacon Pennyman,
1 would lie required for a gentle “Ay, but what’s wrang wi’ ye?” “Na«* first step to a sad end. That erring who lives in Harlem, and walks home
muckle, I tell ye.” At length his moth- | brother lias come down to be an Indian to save car fare, concluded to take
1 the pack train recently traveling ■ er succeeded in eliciting the truth. agent.—[From a speech by W. F. Stone. advantage of the free show as he came
Rocky Mountains, a mule that “Weell, they tuk me into a big room wi’
--------- -------------
by. He took position 103 in the line
>«d a pack rather wider than the a chiel wi' white |«w (head) sittin’ his
T he F ather or F orty -T wo C hil and at the end of an hour he was No.
” was seen to stop before two 1 lane, an’ a lot o’ mair cliiels sittin’ be- dren .— lohn Heffner, a ragpicker of 3. His face wore an expectant air, and
trees, and, although several ani- j low him, an’ the chiel wi’ the white jx»w Reading, Pa., ageil 68, was killed re as he wiped his brow, for it was hot, he
• ka«l already passed through with- axed me me name. An’ I tellt’ him, cently by a locomotive. He himself is asked the exhibitor:
difficulty, he carefully examined the •Jock Mac Nab.’ An’ he tellt' me, ‘J«jck the authority of the statement that he is
“How can you afford to do this for
•lie from one tree to the other, and, MacNab, baud up your han’ an’ sweir.’ the father of forty-two children. He nothing, my frieml ?”
J'lei iifing that they were too close I An’ I put up my hand' an’ said, ‘D—n was a small wiry, hump-backed, dark-
“A wealthy and philanthropic man
his load, he turned from the trail, your een, sir;’ an' then they put me oot.” skinned man, an«l was bom in Ger- who wishes to enlighten the people on
•red down a steep and rocky bank,
many, At 25 he married his first wife the appearance of the sun pays me so
_____ _ ---------- -
came round on the other side rather
“I want to get a pair of driving I in Germany. She lived eight years, much a «lay to show it; your turn now.”
1 fry to force his way through.—
in that time became the mother of
The deacon bent down, craned, his
. gloves,” saiil a conaequential-looking ' and
• !ork Sun.
seventeen children __
— twina
twins twi»-n
twice, triix-
trip- 1 neck as if he was going to cover all the
' duck, entering agent's furnishing store > lets
.
r
.•
____ i .
•
i
_i.il
J
tr.
I
u- < “ < Slmicroin
four times, and a single child. He ¡spots nt
at once, nnJ
an«l_ uo
saw
Smiggin ’a s Sinn
Sun
"* Chinaman is becoming civilized , and addressing a lady attendant ‘ • Buck employed a young woman to take Stove Polish.” The deacon solemnly
skin?
”
asked
the
polite
saleswoman.
**1 as he can in this country. He
charge of the brood of seventeen little followed 102 wise, sad men down the
M his pigtails, wears coat and pants, • «Oh, no,” replied the impetuous cus ones, an«l in 1849 she became his wife. avenue.—[New York Journal.
tomer;
“
I
want
something
that
will
t*. plays keno, drinks beer and eats
In due time she became the mother of
“How is it you can tell such whop
The loafer who objects to his i match the color of my skin." “Oh, you fifteen children, an«l died in 1857.
I
do?
”
returned
the
lady,
quickly,
taking
pers ?” asked a caller addressing the
•mg cheap cannot expect him to be
Twelve
of
the
little
ones
died,
leaving
***hed with all the American im- 1 down a box from the shelf; “try a pair twenty in the brood. He then brought editor of the fish story department.
of these calfskins!” Thedoughhead has
“Well, you see,” replied the editor,
*®eqts at once.
never since patronized a store where ! them to America, and in 1858 married “Our wife's name is Anna.”
I
his
third
wife,
a
widow
with
one
child.
r' l>urne. Texas, Mrs. Baylis has there are women attendants.
“What has that to <lo with it?”
She bore him ten children, making
B excommunicate«! from the Advent
“A great deal. When we are writing
forty-two
in
all,
a
small
nnmhsr
of
Buttermilk is the favorite beverage
church on the ground that she is
whom are now living, lie seemedto fish stories we usually have Anna nigh
among
the
temperance
men
of
Philadel
"*ssed with a devil.” It was her
enjoy himself, r I went through life ap us to help us.”
^°ut after coming out of a trance to phia. It is recommended by physicians parently happy an«! «■*>tit«*nt»“l
The caller was carried
the hoe«
He sas
as
being
gooi
for
dyspepsia
an«l
the
kid
** *hat she claimed to have seen
pi tai.
unable
to
save
much
money.
neys.
* on among the communicants.
WELL-WORN HEARTH.
Ths Xsv«r-C«Mln* Cbange« on Land and
In the Sea.
That the falling drop will wear away
the stone, is a saying which few adult
persons have not been able to verify by
observation; but it is not so generally
understood that falling drops of rain
will wear away a mountain or wash
away a continent, Rain, frost and ice
have ground down the summits of the
loftiest mountains; and there are few
high peaks now in existence which have
not been much higher, and which are
not being steadily leveled by atmos
pheric agencies. In colder climates
solid glacier rivers are also found, which
ini|>erceptibly, but with irresistible
force, hollow out valleys and grind
down the superincumbent rock. The
sea also devours the land rapidly.
Furthermore,
innumerable
rivers,
streams and springs are perpetually
loosening the soil, rasping down the
rocks with sand, and bearing off billions
of tons of solid matter to the sea-bottom,
where the whole mass is squeezed by
the terrific hydraulic pressure into
stone, marble, or solid strata of some
kind. The Mississippi alone carries an
nually to the sea 812,500,000,000
pounds of mud. All the habitable land
of the globe is being continually ground
and washed away—planed down to
the ocean level; while, the sea-bottom
is being as steadi lyjfilled up. The de
posit of forantiniferal ^shells alone—not
¡minding other remains—is sufficient,
as Huxley lias calculated, to create a
bed of limestone in the bottom of the
Atlantic and l’acitii- Ocean SOU feet
thick supposing these oceans to have
existed for only 100,000 years.
Were it not for internal forces the
time would come when all existing land
would be leveled with the ocean. The
coral islands would form no exception;
for the coral-builders cannot live above
water, nor could their islands ever have
reached the surface but for subterranean
upheavals. Thus the tendency of the
world’s crust is to become uniformly
smooth and level, and to surround itself
with an envelope of water. But within
the earth enormous forces are constantly
at work to counteract this tendency—
forces which manifest themselves in
volcanic action, in sesmic action and in
other and even more mysterious actions.
—[New Orleans Times-Democrat.
TOPNOODY
SUBJECTS FOR THOUGHT.
It should be ¡minted out with contin
ual earnestness, says Ruskin, that the
essence of lying is in deception, not in
words. A lie may be tol«l by silence,
by equivocation, by the accent on a syl
lable, by a glance of the eye attaching
a peculiar significance to a sentence;
ami all these* kinds of lies are worse
and baser by many degrees than a lie
plainly worded; so that no form of
blinded conscience is so far sunk as that
which comforts itself for having de
ceived, because the deception was by
gesture or silence instead of utterance;
and, finally, according to Tennyson’s
trenchant line, “A lie which is lialf a
truth is ever the worst of lies.”
We may not la* always able to see
how our work or our actions are to en
dure, but, if they are of high and noble
quality, they will never die. Sopie of
the l>est things that men of genius or of
character accomplish are never traced
home to them. A suggestion is made,
an idea is implanted, a generous impulse
is awakened, and the efforts may con-
tinue to reproduce themselves long after
their originator has been forgotten.
Those who read everything are
thought to understand everything, too;
but it is not always so. Reading only
furnishes the mind with materials of
knowledge; it is thinking that makes
what we read ours. We are of the ru
minating kind, and it is not enough that
we cram ourselves with a great load of
collections. I'nless we chew them over
again, they will not give us strength
and nourishment.
It is not always the truth which an
inquirer disbelieves, but the angles and
refractions4tiirough which minds differ
ently constituted have come at the
truth. Give him time, and do not
badger him with hard names, anti he
will often discover truth through lenses
and prisms of his own making.
The study of literature nourishes
youth, entertains old age, adorns pros
perity, solaces adversity, is delightful
at home, unobtrusive abroad, deserts
us not by day nor by night, in jour
neying nor in retirement.
A bird upon the wing may carry a
seed that shall add a new species to
the vegetable family of a continent;
and just so a word, a thought, from a
living soul, may have results immeas
urable, eternal.
Swedenborg says “words are things.”
They are more; they are spiritual forces
—angels of blessing or of cursing. Un
uttered, we control them, uttered, they
control us.
Music is the harmonious voice of
creation; an echo of the invisible
world; one note1 of the divine concord
which the entire earth is destined ons
day to sound.
Every duty well «lone, doubtless adds
to the moral and spiritual stature.
Each opportunity eagerly grasped and
used is the key to larger privileges.
Love is the most terrible and the
most generous of the passions; it is the
only one that includes in its dreams
the happiness of some one else.
Money in your purse will credit you;
wisdom in your head will adorn you;
ami both in your necessity will serve
you.
What you are doing for love you
can <io no longer for mere gain. Tlie
higher motive drives out the lower.
One gains courage by showing him
self poor; in that manner one robe
poverty of its sharpest sting.
Those sentiments of love which flow
from the heart cannot be frozen by ad
versity.
“My dear,” said Mr. Topnoody to
his wife last Tuesday at noon, “do you
want to go to the Enquirer boat race
at three o'clock?”
“No, 1 don’t. I’ve been working in
the kitchen all the morning and I’m tired,
and besides, you know as well as I do
that I don't like athletics in any shape.”
“Of course, my dear, you don’t; but
your tongue is so athletic I didn’t know
but that you might want to give it a
chance to—”
“Shut up, Topnoodv. I won’t stand
it.”
“Sit down, love.”
“I'll do as I please.”
“Will you go to the boat race,
dear?”
“No, I tell yon.”
“Why not, my dear?”
“Topnoody, I despise puns, anil you
are a pun, but I'll use one to tell you
why I won’t go. When you were a
beau of nine years ago, I liked you be
cause I didn’t see you very often, but
now, when there ¡«barely a trace of your
WOMEN
former self, and I have to have you
round always—to take in a bean trace
Lady Campbell of London wears the
every day, so to speak, it makes me divided skirt, ami is said to look well
want to break somebody’s skull, and—” in it.
Topnoody fell off his chair in a faint.
“Now, then, witness,” saiil the cross-
—[Merchant Traveler.
examining counsel, sternly, “does the
preceding witness enjoy your entire
A FRIEND IN NEED
confidence?” “Great Scott, no! Why,
A man’s best friends are not always that’s my wife.”
those of his own household. .Jake
Miss Georgiana Ball Hughes, a «laugh
Boylbug is in very reduced circum
stances. He is likewise in had health. ter of the late Ball Hughes, a sculptor
His clothes are in such a sad condition of Boston, has achieved quite a repu
that he has often been mistaken for a tation in London as an artist, where
member of the press. Jake Boylbug she has lived for many years.
used to go to school w ith Samuel Sandly,
Miss Mary Mapes Dodge, editor and
who is known to be exceedingly eco novelist, is a «laughter of President
nomical. Jake called on Sam the other Mapies, the celebrated writer on
day and begged him for a quarter of a horticulture. She formerly lived in
dollar, not as a subsidy, but merely as Newark, but is now a resilient of New
a loan.
York.
“I haven’t got any money for you,”
Dr. Holmes says one g<ssl thing for
was the rude response.
women: “There is no such thing as a
“I’ll pay you, Sam, before long.”
female punster. I never knew nor
“I’ve got no money, I tell you. It heard one; tliough I have once or twice
takes every cent I’ve got to support my heard a woman make a single detached
poor old mother and my bed-ridden sis- pun, as I have known a hen to crow.”
ter,” and the voice of the mippofled
hard-) icarted man grew hunky, and a • Miss Rathbone, who for six years has
pearly tear trickled down bin unaccus- been a missionary abroad, has brought
to New York the first Burmese woman
tomed cheek, ho to speak.
“But, Sam, I happen to know that who ever landed on our shores. The
you make your old mother chop w«ssl newcomer will study for five years in
an«l do the housework, and you don’t this country before returning for mis
contribute a cent to your bed-ridden sionary work.
Susan Anthony says there are 1,000
sister, for you ha«l her carted over the
hill to the p«M»r house last week, so nei- women practicing medicine in Englaml,
ami that, so far as she has been able to
ther of them costa you a cent.”
“You know that, do you?”
learn, “they kill as large a piroportion
“I do.”
of their patients, anil receive as exorbi
“Well, if that's the way I treat those tant fees for so «leing, as male piracti-
nearest ami «learest to me, what chance tioners.”
do you suppose you have of squeezing a
At present only psiers and their sons
quarter r»f a dollar out of me, when and privy councillors can marry at any
you are not even a brother to me, eh?” hour of the «lay they choose in Great
How much more grai-eful, elegant Britain. Lesser worthies have to ask
and superior does the man on the bi permission of the archbishop to tnarry
cycle l«n»k than the man on the wheel later than noon, ami he sometimes re
barrow. But wait until they come in fuses it.
collision, ami see which procession
A middle-aged la«ly applied to Mr.
turn up in the most handsome condi Barnum for the position of circus man
tion.
ager. When asked about her proficiency
she naively replied that she ha«l been
Another intelligent compositor has married three times, ami if anyone
been heard from. This time he is a could explain the word circus she was
Kentucky citizen, who, presumably the person.
having taken bis girl ont for ice cream
An advertiseAient in a Lyons, France,
the night previ«" «. set. up the caption to
Foe's beautiful poem ' The Greed of p>aper says a young lady 21 years«»! age,
and a member of an honorable family,
the Belles.”
offers her love in marriage to a man
Condensed milk is made by squeez- who will come to the ai«i of her ¡>ar-
ing the water ont and putting in sugar. ents. Age or looks of no account, but
he must have a g>s*l establishment^
It takes a great deal to make a little.
I
I