THE TELEPHONE-REGISTER.
M c M innville ,
September -
O regon .
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MARTIN & SANDERS
6, 1889.
Personal anil Pertinent.
—
And now Elliott F. Shephard is after
the minion to China. Well, that coun
try is a little further away than Russia.
Mrs. Harrison recently remarked that
if a woman loves the society of her hus
band she should never encourage him to
become a public man.
The fact that Queen Victoria has taken
to whisky by the advice of her physician
is interesting. She avoids Irish whisky,
of course.
Senator Ingalls has been honored by
war veterans for his civil record. His
senatorial colleagues will never decorate
him for his civil tongue.
Mabone, Quay, Dudley, Platt, Clark
son and other “statesmen'’ of the repub
lican party assure Secretary Rusk that
the clover crop is promising.
There is at least one funny police
judge in Philadelphia. His name is
Smith, and he sent’ Mr. Sault to prison
with the remark that Sault was “too
fresh.”
Ella Wheeler Wilcox is devoting her
self almost entirely to prose writing.
She says the nervous strain composing
poetry is too great. The nervous strain
of reading it is not small either.
Francis Wilson was introduced recent
ly to a gushing girl who asked him if he
would like to be an “Oolah” in reality.
“Not while it pays so well to be one in
fiction,” he answered at once.
Gen. Malione recently poked fun at
Warner Miller in Washington for “fall
ing outside the breastworks.” It is just
possible that Miller may have the op
portunity very soon to return the taunt.
The owner of a patent medicine which
is declared to be a remedy for nearly all
the “ills’that flesh is heir to” is a woman
in Brooklyn, N. Y., who is such an in
valid that she has not been out of her
room for tweuty-three years.
Amelie Rives-Chanler, since she aban
doned literature for art, is said to have
used her own figure as the model for her
sculptored productions, posing in front
of a mirror. They do say that her figure
is prettier than her imagination used to
be. •
A woman in New England goes to a
town and takes the name of some influen
tial citizen and claimB relationship, and
the first move the man makes is to give
her from $300 to $1,000 to get out of town
and go hence. She says she makes $5,000
per year.
*
The German kaiser is said to be less
eccentric as an emperor than he was as
a prince. He has surprised even his
warmest friends by the good sense he
has displayed since he came to the
throne. The weight of responsibility
has been to him an effective ballast.
The sad news comes from Boston that
John L. Sullivan is weary of liis great
ness. A dispatch says: “The attention
he receives is necessarily fatiguing and
the champion cannot stand it any better
than other celebrities.” What’s the
matter with a Mississippi jail as a place
of seclusion?
In Michigan University “a larger pro-
portion of women than of men are taking
by choice the full classical course,” Pres
ident Angell reports. Men are becoming
scientific rather than classical, on ac
count of the new openings in scientific
professions, while women study Greek
and Latin to meet the requirements of
teachers.
Henry Golding (colored), who lives
near Leary, Ga., claims to be 120 years
old. He says that he was nine years old
at the commencement of the revolution
ary war. He belonged at that time to
George Humphreys of Richmond, Va.
George Heard of Augusta, who had own
ed him ten years when the “stars tell.”
A remarkable will was filed at Wilkes-
barre, Pa. The testator expressed the
wish that no hearse, crape or sign of
mourning be used at his funeral. In a
plain wooden coflin lie was to be laid on
his side and carried by his own horse
and wagon to the cemetery. He desired
that there be no religious services at the
house, in any church or at the grave, and
that no minister be in attendance.
Are fully prepared to meet the demands of the
Fall trade for all kinds of Hardware
Agricultural Implements,
Pumps, Etc.
Hardware
Our Stock of General Ha,rd-
ware
in the county.
Our Prices Defy Competition
WE CALL SPECIAL ATTENTION TO
MITCHELL
WAGONS,
HACKS,
BUGGIES,
RACINE CARTS.
jÈì*
Davis Sewing Machine.
CUTLERY
Have
We have the Largest and Fin
est stock of Cutlery in the
Valley
Sold Over
Sizzt^r “Velxicles
Tlxis Summer.
OSBORNE
Œood-s TX7"aurmmtoä-
Superior
CYCLONE WINDMILLS
Rose Disk Harrow
WARRANTED.
: DRILLS, SEEDERS AND
RUNNER PRESS
DRILLS.
Double, Adjustable Force
Feed.
BEARINGS
ARE SIXTEEN
INCHES LONG.
Made in Fonr Sections.
16 or 20 Incn Disks.
TZ 1
0 A K i Í p
1 A R I< i
l A
f A
We have a machine quite unlike anything «I m
New Principles, New Ideas.
It is the New High Arm “ DAVIS.”
It is new patern; A New Model.
Did you ever see a sewing machine with Only Six
Working Parts? If not you never saw thia new ma
chine.
The old method of feeding from lielow is entirely
done away, and all the complicated machinery con
nected therewith taken out and dispensed with. No
Machinery Underneath to clean or oil.
This New Feed method does not Stop at seems,
but Steps evenly over them.
There is Only One Tension to regulate. No holes
to thread through.
It is a Mechanical Wonder, yet no more interest
ing for what It Is. than what it will do.
It is the only machine having Steel Roll Beatings
for its needle bar.
The only machine having a Support for the Needlfi
after it leaves the needle bar.
This “ New Davis ” is as far ahead of the old ma
chines as the Telephone is ahead of the speaking
tube.
Come and Soe for Yourself. It will pay you
From Curiosity. We are so much interested in this
ourselves that we are anxiou." t ou should see, know,
tell and help us get these facts before the people.
Ladies, come; Tailors, come; Mechanics, come;
Experts, come; Everybody Come and See this new
model machine and learn what it will do.
I)D ITIio;V!
THE FINEST PROPERTY IN McMINNVILLE ! STRICTLY "INSIDE" PROPERTY. BUT ALSO
SUBURBAN II
THE PREMIUM LOCATION
ELEVATED !
WELL DRAINED!
SIGHTLY !
LEVEL! PURE AIR!
TITLE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT
A New Medical School.
Young Pilkins, who had just gradu
ated from a medical college, determined
to open up a new path in medicine that
had never before l>een irod. He had
read that laughter had been known to
cure most desperate diseases, and his
plan was to establish the laughing school
of medicine. But unfortunately for the
success of his scheme he had very queer
ideas of what makes a person laugh.
He was called to prescribe for a man
suffering from a severe attack oi rheu
matism, and he endeavored to make
him laugh by telling of a man who was
so doubled up with this disorder that
when he died his friends had to bury
him in a big cheese box. To the sur
prise of young Pilkins the man never
smiled once. Another patient had a dis
order of the bowels, and Pilkins sat up
with him half the night telling him
laughable incidents of the last cholera
epidemic. They didn’t bring a smile,
and at the funeral Pilkins told the under
taker that if he could have made him
laugh be would have saved him.
Pilkins worked hard to make a man
laugh who was suffering from an inward
tumor, his theory being that a convul
sion of laughter would cause the tumor
to break, and thereby save the man’s
life, and perhaps that would have been
the result had lie succeeded in bringing
the laugh, but cancer stories, however
well told, can baldly be expected to ex
cite hilarity in a man who is nursing
one. Some folks can’t see the point of a
joke, anyhow, and when this man suc
cumbed to the tumor Pilkins said he
had died because he couldn’t appreciate
humor.
He tried his theory on a man who was
in the last stages of consumption. He
told him funny stories about wcak-lunged
men, imitating their feeble ¡ones in the
most laughable manner, but it did not
avail—the man grew weeker every day.
But one day the patient smiled. It was
when Pilkins said lie didn't think it was
worth while lor him to come any more,
as he didn’t seem to bo doing him any j
good. After Pilkins was gone the man
laughed heartily, and from that time he
began to improve. Pilkins’ theory may
be all right, but it requires judgement to
carry it out.
TERMS LIBERAL!
1
EASY INSTALLMENTS !
This magnificent property comprises 460 lots and lies in the very heart of the residence portion
of McMinnville. It is high, commanding a beautiful view of the valley. Many of the most prom
inent residents of McMinnville are now purchasing property in “Oak Park Addition,” and many
elegant and substantial residences will be constructed there during the coming year. Water
works and electric lights will be put in this summer, giving all the comforts of the choicest villa
property.
Lots are from 50x100 to 50x150, and blocks 200x215, with a 15-foot alley down the center of
each. The advantages of having an alley in each block are obvious.
“Oak Park Addition” adjoins the depot of the Southern Pacific Railroad, the new county court
house, the elegant public school building, and is three blocks from Third street, the business
thorouhfare of McMinnville. "Oak Park Addition” offers superior i nducements to investors,
the settled policy of its proprietors being to steadily advance prices wi th its growth, rendering
investments absolutely safe and profitable.
“Oak Park Addition will lx* planted in shade trees; cross and sidewalks constructed and streets graded. The pr oprietors are turning in 10 percent of all
sales as a fund for this purpose. This property is being offered for from to 25 to 50 per cent less than any other p »roperty in McMinnville of half the advan
tages. Prices of lots range from S25 up and are sold either on the cash or installment plan.
A plat of this growing addition can be seenat Jas. Fletcher & Co.’s and J. I. Knight & Co., where all further in formation and price of lots and blocks will
be furnished. Also at office of Barnekoff & Co., McMinnville Flouring Mills.
PORTLAND INVESTMENT COMPANY, PROPRIETORS.
F. BARNEKOFF. LOCAL MANAGER.