Image provided by: Yamhill County Historical Society; McMinnville, OR
About The Telephone=register. (McMinnville, Or.) 1889-1953 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 28, 1888)
the telephone ; • :fr-. » - ------- __ ,.7----------- PUBLIHHEli EVERY FRIDAY 1 >KMOCRATJC MORNING. EST PUBLICATION OFFICE: O m Dcor North of oor or Third ud E Sts , M c M innville , or . — w " . ...-----—---------—-------- ---- ----- ;__ _ SUBSCRIPTION RATES: ADVANCE.) Ope year......... HU month»... I hr.. ummi U ia The G reat VOL. III. t I S, A. YOUNG, M. D. Transcontinental Route. TONSORIAL PARLOR, M'MINNVILLE NATONAL The only FIRST CLASS BAR ARE YOU GOING EAST? COOK’S HOTEL tiiajj it fctaiiii Railway, “FAMOUS m ire; The St. Charles Hotel. The Hoyal Route CITY STABLES, Henderson Bros. Props Great English Remedy. PATENTS WM. HOLL, Mdfetìli Jfflliy Sture, Y amhill county , THE TELEPHONE JJ - x - J ■ 1/ _ ■ _ - LT II KATK8 OF ADVHBTLBINe. TELEPHONE. M'MINNVILLE. OREGON. DECEMBER 28. 1888 RELIGIOUS AND EDUCATIONAL^ A BOY’S TIME-TABLE. I Hie blessings of fortune are the rhe Pleasant anil iruplea»ant Thing, tn INSECT UNDERTAKERS. Little Freddy*» Life. | lowest; the next are the bodily advant What a Scientist Learned While Watching McMmxviu.«, - . . 0bmom My little nephew ran across a para the Doing» ot Burying Beetle». ages of strength and health; but the onice and residence on D street. All , superlative blessings, in fine, are those graph, somewhere, which said that Nearly every one Is familiar with any body could save at least two hours the burying beetle, and many have, of the mind.— If Estrange. of wasted time a day by running on a perhaps, watched its operations. No I he remark of Prof. Drummond, time-table. M’MINNVILLE ticing that dead moles and other small ------- VIA THE------- who lately visited so many of the col- Freddy brought the clipping to me, auimals laid on the loose ground soon I leges of America, that "their general aud asked what it meant. I told him Cascade Division’ now completed, atmosphere is Christian; they are re- that I supposed that it meant that a disappeared, I’rof. Gleditsch concluded making it the Shortest, Best , ligious institutions,” lias much of truth person could save two hours a day by to investigate the cause. Accordingly, Nliaving, Hair Cutting and- - - - ! in it. It is, however, a good deal having all his work or amusement he placed a mole in the garden, and on and Quickest. true of some than it is of others. planned and arranged beforehand— the morning of the third day found it - - - - Sliaiuptiing Parlors. more buried, some three inches below the The Dining Car line. Tim Direct Route. - Anger is an expression of personal such and such a thing to be done at surface. Though wondering why this No Delays. Fastest Train« Low FLEMING, & LOGAN, Prop’s. sclfishn sb in one thing, and anger as a such a time, and another thing follow service was performed for the dead est Rates to Chicago ami all strong displeasure with evil, with mean ing directly after, and so on. mole, yet, as he saw only four beetles All kinds of fancy hair cutting done in points East. Tickets sold ness, baseness, irreverence, cowardice, the latest and neatest style Freddy seemed so much interested under the carcass, here-buried it and iu to all Prominent Points All kinds of fancy hair dressing and hair cruelty and stupid indifference to suffer that 1 advised him to make out a time six days found it overrun with maggots. throughout the East and Southeast. i.yiiif. a specialty Special attention given ing quite another and a different thing. table for himself, and try running on It was not until then that the thought Anger of the latter sort is a Christian it for a few days. He said he guessed struck him that these maggots were Through Pullman Drawing Room Sleep Ladies' and Childrens’ Work virtue. ing Cars he would because two extra hours the offspring of the beetles he had I also have for sule a very fine assort — Great as have been the discoveries a day would be a great help to him in seen, and that they performed the bu Reservations can be secured in advance. ment of hair oils, hair tonics, cosmetics, etc - and achievements of science in the last learning to strike out th« fellows, and rial rites in order to provide a plaee I Of I have in connection with my parlor I To Knot Bound Fasseugcr.. • the largest and finest stock of hundred years, it is doubtless true that possibly would secure him the coveted to deposit their eggs, where the newly- Be car fui and do not make a mistake the sum of the unknown is yet vastly position of pitcher in the school nine. hatched young might have food for but be sure to take the CIGARS in excess of that of the known, ar.d al The next day Freddy submitted the their nourishment. Continuing his Ever in the city. ways will be. Each achievement or dis following to me: observations, Mr. Gleditsch placed UTT iiird S treet M c M innville . O regon . Northern Pacific Railroad. I covery is but a stepping-stone to some F reddy ' s T ime -T able . four of these beetles under a glass And see that your tickets read via thing greater and higher. a . M. case, with two dead frogs. One pair THIS LINE, St Paul or Minneapolis, to —Imitation of Christ on earth, and 645 to 7 Gettin up. buried the first frog in twelve hours, avoid changes and serious delays occa 7 to 730 Bath and gettin reddy fer and on the third day the second one perfect likeness to his moral character sioned by other routes. «SBAEK.S« brekfus. herafter—the one to be sought while was similarly disposed of. The pro Through Emigrant Sleeping Cars run fessor then gave them a dead linnet, on regular express trains full length of' Transacts a General Banking Business. here, and the other to be attained in 730 to 8 Brekfus. the line. Berths free. Lowest rates. President,............... J. W. COWLS, Heaven—constitutes the idea of a true 8 to 820 Prairs. and a pair of the beetles set to work to Quickest time. Christian. He will at last morally be like 820 to 830 Hard study. bury it. They pushed out the dirt Vice-president, LEE LOUGHLIN. the Lord whom he loves, and in whom 830 Start fer skool. from beneath the body; then the male Cenerai Office Of the Company, No, 3 9 Get there (a feller must have sum drove the female away, and worked Cashier............... CLARK BRALY. he believes.— Independent. Washington St., Portland, Oregon. fun in life). alone for about five hours, turning the —A life of virtue is a life of health. „ Sells exchange on Portland, San Self-denial leads to a self-development 9 to 1030 Study and resite. A D CHARLTON. linnet around in a more convenient po Asst General Passenger Agent. Francisco, and New York. on higher planes. Patient battling 1030 to 1045 Roses (out to be longer). sition. and occasionally mounting the body to tread it down. After resting Interest allowed on time deposits. against lower lusts ends in assured vic 1045 to 12 Study and resite. P. M. for an hour it proceeded, as before, al Office hours from 9 a. m. to 4 p. in tory. To one man, and to one only, is 12 to 1215 Goin fer lunch. ternately excavating and pulling the life worth living, and that man is he Apr. resolves 13 tf on nothing less than per 1215 to 1230 Eatin it. bird from below, and then treading it who 1230 to 1 Sloos of things. Play in ball down from above. It was buried by fection of body, mind and soul. ---- IN mosly. the end of the third day. In fifty days —The Christian religion is the moral 1 to 3 Skool agen. Tuffest part of the the four beetles had burled four frogs, force to hold in check the greater McMinnville, is opened If so be sure and call for your tickets day. three small birds, two fishes, one mole, enemies of righteousness in all their 3 Skool over. Fun begins. via the —IN— two grasshoppers, the entrails of a fish, manifold forms and manifestations. 3 to 6 Bace ball. Bisickle ridin. and two morsels of the lungs of an ox. What would the human family be if this Goin to walk (sumtimes with a gurl). —Chicago Inter-Ocean. moral force were obliterated? As well Slidin and skatin in winter. Flyin might we do without the sun as to hope -THE- Storing Apples for Long Keeping. kite. Bothrin the dog. Penuts. Goin for spiritual light without the sanctify to ride with pa. Shoppin with ma Where you will find the best of » ing power of the Christian religion. There is a difference in the keeping (wen I dont kno it befourhand). Wines and Liquors, also - 4 7 qualities of apples in different years —A man who is not strictly upright Kandy. In bad wether roadin. Sloos Imported and Domestsc that nobody has been fully able It is positively the shortest and finist in life can not be truly pious in heart of other things. Oigara. Everything neat and Clean. line to Chicago and the east and south and Tiqty can never be disconnected from to account for. Occasionally a year 9 to 7 Dinner (grate time fer me.) the only sleeping and dining car through morality. A man may be inoral with T. M. F ields , Propr. occurs, to all outward appearances not line to 7 to 730 Nothin much. Dont feel exceptionably different from others, I out being pious, but he can not be pious like it. Omaha, Kansas« City, aad all Missouri when windfalls will keep as well as without being moral. Every true Chris 730 to 8 Pa gets dun with paper an carefully picked apples in former ones. River Points. tian, like the Apostle, endeavors to reads suuthin alowd. Its magnificent steel track, unsurpassed keep a conscience void of offense to Such a difference can not be laid to the Sample rooms in connection. 8 Sez I must begin to study. train service and elegant dining and handling of the fruit, but must be o------- o sleeping cars has honestly earned for it the ward God and man.— Methodist Re 8 to 815 Kickin aginst it. owing to atmospheric influences. Ap corder. title of 815 to 915 Study. Is now fitted up in first class order. ples will endure without injury a much —It is not the duty of the educator 915 Gwup to bed. lower temperature than will potatoes, Accommodations as good as can be to fill the mind of his pupil with that 915 to 935 Windin waterbury watch. and the cooler they are kept without foundin the city. Others may imitate,but none cm surpass it he believes to be truths, but to train 935 to 945 Undressin and gettin into (roezing the better. Dry, cool cellars tho intellect for the apprehension and bed. Our motto is “always on time ” 8. E. MESSINGER, Manager. are generally preferred by farmers ns 945 till mornin. Grate big time with Be sure and ask ticket agents for ticket» reception of truth. Many who assume via tliis celebrated route and take non« this responsible office act the very re dreems, but a feller cant stop to injoy a store place for their barreled apples, others. W H MEAD, G A verse of this. They devote themselves thing much. Wonder wy dreems cant but of late years some growers claim that this fruit keeps better in moist No, 4 Washington street. Portland, Or. earnestly to the task of filling the minds hang on more like reel things? than in dry places, always providing of the young with prejudices which P. S. Ware do thos too extry ours said place is cool. When kept in cel Third Street, between E and F —The champion absentminded man of they strive to make ineradicable. cum in?— Paul Paslnor, in Puck. McMinnville, Oregon. lars, good ventilation is necessary in East Union, Me., is he who bedded his "Give me a child until he is ten," say all cases. When barreled in an or- LAKES THAT DISAPPEAR. some religionists, “ and we have no fear horse with shorts instead of sawdust ch; rd and not shipped away nt once, the other night. He found out his mis of his being proselyted to another But the Settler 1» Warned That They the apples nro better to be put up in May Appear Again. First-class accommodations for Ccmnier take when his horse had eaten up his faith.” Who can estimate the amount Southeastern Oregon is almost a terra tiers under the trees and protected cial men and general travel. bedding o. 1 it became necessary for his of mischief that has resulted from the incognita yet, except to cattlemen, from the rain and sun by boards than establishing of this boast? Transient stock well cared for. owner to rise in the middle of the night swamp land-grabbers and people of to bo put in buildings. Some persons Everything new and in First-Class Order nnd walk Mtn up and down the road for WIT AND WISDOM. that ilk. In tho numerous law-suits leave the barrels all on the ground in exercise. Patronage respectfully solicited ltf between swamp land men and settlers the shade and uncovered, claiming —One of the marked characteristics —A hoi;e met his death in an odd who have taken up claims on the that they keep cooler on the ground manner ir Choctaw County, Ala. He of speculation is its utter superiority to alleged swamp lands, there have been than when piled up. Apples raised on stepped on the end of a short pole that all forms of consistency. many instances of persons swearing in rich alluvial lands will prove poor was in the road, when the other end — “Worth makes the man, the want of direct opposition to others in regard to keepers. For the best keeping the or Murray's Specfic. chards should be on high or hilly raised and stuck in his abdomen. Be it the fellow;” but the thing which we T»»d. Mark. A guaranteed cure for all coming frightened, he then made a call "‘worth” is that whicli we most ad the character of land which would lands and not too rich.— N. Y. World. nervous diseases, such as weak lead unbiased persons to suppose that Inmemory, loss of brain power, lunge forward, and in doing so drove mire ourselves.— Puck. flat perjury had been committed. The Farmer as a Man. hysteria, headache, pain in the the stick “nearly through him,” caus —All gamblers are a curse to society, There may have been no idea or in back, nervous prostration, ing death in a few minutes. The farmer in the struggle for ex and the worst form of this curse is sup tention on the part of any of the wit wakefulness, leucorrhoea, uni —A Mormon from Idaho, who gave plied by those who gamble in the neces nesses to testify falsely in these cases, istence should not forget that he is a versal lassitude, seminal weak ness, irupotency. and general the name of Hyde, as he always does saries of life, and fill their pockets by as the following will show: man created in the image of his Maker, loss of power of the generative Warner Lake, in Southeastern Ore and possessed of great capacities and Eofore Taking.organs, in either sex, caused under certain circumstances, spent $18,- compelling the peoplo to pay unnatu by indiscretion or over exertion, and which 000 in New York not long ago on a rally high prices for what they must gon, is a shallow body of water cover wonderful capabilities. How many ultimately lead to premature Tr«d» Mark, spree. He was arrested for dwtsken- buy in order to live. ing a large amount of land. It is men we see devoting their whole ener old age,insanity and consump [ ness, but one of his wives came on after —There is no liberty to men whose divided by low ridges of land Into gies striving to see how much riches tion <1.00 per box or six him, took him in charge, and promised passions are stronger than their reli three or • nr divisions. Last year a and worldly possessions thoy can ac boxes for $5.00,sent by mail on receipt of price. Full particu the officers to take him home and make gious feelings; there is no liberty to gentleman cruising through that coun quire, seemingly scarcely to think of lars in pamphlet, sent free to men in whom ignorance predominates try found one of these division to be a trying to see how much of a man they a Dr. Jekyll out of him. every applicant. WE GUARANTEE SIX —In one of our street cars the other I over knowledge; there is no liberty to lake eight miles long and four miles may become. How seldom we esti BOXES to cure any case. For mon who know not how to govern wide, and from four to five feet deep. mate the value of any life experience every $5 00 order received, weAfterTaking- day a rural rooster entered and seated This summer the same gentleman by the effect it has had In making us themselves. — Beecher. «en<f six boxes witli written guarantee to re himself without attempting to pay his fund the money if our Specific does not ef fare, says the New Orleans Picayune. —Expensive and gorgeous funerals visited that section and found this lake more kindly, more considerate of fect a cure do no good to the dead, and, when totally dry and drove his team across others, more self-denying and more The driver said: “ Captain, put your Address all communications to the Sols practiced by the rich, they tempt the it without trouble. He is now pre firmly resolved to do right. The I nickel in the box, please.” “Oh, no,” manufacturers _ building up of a noble, pure, grand THE MURRAY MEDICINE CO. ' said the rooster with a knowing smile, poor and those in moderate circum pared to swear that the site of the lake Kansas City, Mo. I “It didn’t play no music when the man stances to a rate of expenditure that is suitable for cultivation, whereas last character is the grandest work a man can engage in, and one that is often Sold by Rogers A Todd, sole agents I ahead of me put in his nickel. The they can ill afford. They had better be year he would have sworn with a clear better promoted by what arc generally conscience that there was a lake there. thing’s out of order and don’t work. dispensed with altogether. Last year Mr. Neil had a contract to regarded as the reverses in life than —Men talk in raptures of youth and I’ve traveled, I have. No music, no w. V. PRICE. nickel. make a survey of the meandor line of by successes. What are generally re beauty, wit and sprightliness. but. a/ter ” Warner Lake, which he did. and this garded as the successes in life are --The Birmingham Age tells of a seven years of union, not one of them is year Mr. Martin, a Government inspec often but hindrances to the man's be PHOTOGRAPHER. Redding man who has had his confi to be compared to good family manage tor of surveys, visited Warner Lake to coming a true man, making him more dence in bloodhounds cruelly betrayed. ment, which is seen at every meal and inspect the surveying done by Mr. selfish, more narrow-minded and A negro stole a pair of trousers from every family gathering, and felt every Neil. He found the work all right, dwarfing his manhood. Whutever a man's worldly success, or whatever the McMinnville, Oregon him, and he let loose three bloodhounds hour in the husband's purse. —Neither present fame, nor war, tor but it did not conform to the water lack of it, he yet can be a man in the and started in pursuit The negro line in that part of th® lake above men tme sense of tho word, and as such be backtracked, the dogs lost his trail and power, nor wealth, nor knowledge tioned. took after the pursuing white man, alone shall secure an entrance to the Responsible parties who were at the the full equal of any other man.— St. whom they finally treed, and kept him true and noble Valhalla. There shall lake when Mr. Neil made his meander, Paul Pioneer-Press. be gathered only those who have toiled I The Marriage Was Postponed. C.veatu, and Trade Marks obtained, and in that predicament from five o’clock in each in his vocation for the welfare of confirmed its truthfulness as to the the afternoon till ten o ’ clock the follow Patent business conducted for MODER water line whon it was made, and Mr. others. Justice and benevolence are Martin became convinced by their tes ATE FEES OOR OFFICE 18 OPPOSITE “ Yes, dear, I love you; but please v. S PATENT OFFICE. We have no sub ing day. higher than knowledge and power.— timony that a wonderful change had don’t be so impatient It would be _ Quite a romantic wedAing is re •gencies. all business direct, hence can ridiculous to set our wedding day so transact patent business in less time and ported to have taken placs five miles Whittier. taken place. —Contact is essential to compassion. at les.’ coat than those remote from M asb- J west of Denison, Tex., the happy The probable cause of the disap soon.” lngton. end model, drawing. or phok, You may pity a man from a distance, Engaged Youth—But why? with description, We advise if patentable couple, minister and all, standing knee- you can only compassionate him close pearance of this large body of water “You must remember that a mar is the light fall of snow in that section not free of charge, Our fee nut due till I deep in the Red river while the wed patent is secured „ ... ding ceremony was performed. The at hand. Two things are required of for several years past, as all the lakes riage is a great and solemn event in a A book, "How to Obtain Patents,” with us if we would serve others: We must in that section are lower than ever woman's life, and should be celobrated Terences to actual clients in vour State, intention was to cross the stream and learn how to put ourselves in their by a grand wedding, wfth every thing county, or town sent free, Address I have the knot tied on the opposite place: we must be willing to get down before since the settlement of the perfectly lovely and six beautiful country. bank, but when the party had waded from the saddle of comfort in which we A C. A. SNOW & co. n It will hardly be safe to settle on the bridesmaids." ypporite Patent Office. Washington, D '■ out a short distance it was learned that "All right. You can have a dozen sit, remote from need, that we may the “old folks” were in pursuit, so th* kneel beside the soul we would save.— bottom of a dried up lake or close to if you wish." low-water mark, as in case of a long, lovers were made one forthwith. "What a darling you are! Well, Christian Inquirer, hard winter, with a great fall of snow —Educated rascals are ever setting and late rains in the spring these lake* that's why 1 want to wait. Brides —aiy noy,do you recollect the home will likely expand themselves to their maids are out of style now, but Mrs. Proprietor of the made shirt that your dear old mother nicely baited traps to catch thos« who original size. Society says the fashion will be re- have no business experience. A wise made for you long ago with her own plan is to go through life with the safe The fact that the lake* in that sec vived in three or four years.”—/Hile- hands? Do you recollect the handful I guard of a good business education. tion arc of this character is probably delphia Record. of shirt-bosom that you could pick up Monev is made by a know.edge and the cause of all the trouble and mis The leading —“Still lying in his grave” is an and duck your chin into, where the practice of good business method.«. understanding in regard to swamp lands.— Portland Oregonian. Eastern paper's reply to the request: throat ought to be? Then don t sit Money is lost by ignorance of correct JiWELRY ESTABLISHMENT. “Please inform an arcbseeologist where down and grumble about Fate, becau — Prussian blue is got by fusing business principles. I-earn both what -OF— the body of Ananias now is.” A strik the world's affairs don t fit you as is right and what is wrong in buslneas horses hoof* and other refuse animal they were made to measure. If you and you will not be the victim of a snap matter with impure potassium carbon- ing instance of the ruling passion strong in death.— CAtcogo Herald ata. grow too big for your g»™^; You| gam'e - Western Plowman. may split it »"<1 »<>“••-" c *' ai Third Street, McMinnville Or Physician & Surgeon, I NO. 36 MISCELLANEOUS. — A change is coming over the face Of California. Where the old mines used to be now forests aro springing up. Tho wind and the birds have done the planting. —Unmarried lady—“It must be a great thing when husband and wife ore of one mind.” Married lady—"That depends on whose mind it is.”— Texas Siftings. ' —At u Buffalo "half off” sale it was proven that cashmere worth sixty-nine cents per yard was sold for ninety- three cents by placing it on the ••bar gain" counter. Things are not always what they seom. —High water and consequent floods are ofteu a boon to Southern towns. The Augusta Chronicle of Georgia sayr that the years after the freshets have always been the most healthy, and that that city is to-day one of tho cleanest in the world. —In Delaware a little theft is severely punished. A man who stole a door mat was sentenced to pay for the mat. to receive ten lashes at the public hitching post and then was sent to jail for thirty days. —A $20 bill came into the hands of a banker with these words written in a bold, legible hand on its face: "This is the last of $100,000.” The sentence epitomizes the story of a spendthrift, a speculator or a debauchee. —The most original suicide comes from Yadkin County, N. C., where one Rufe Revis broke into his neighbor’s still room and putting one end of a syphon in a barrel of whisky and the other in his mouth, got so entirely full that he had not- space for broath. —"What sort of labor is best, paid in this country?” asked a visiting En glishman of an American. "Field la bor.” was the prompt reply. “You sur prise me!” “It's a fact. You ought to see the salaries paid to our base-ball players.”— Pittsburgh Chronicle. — Scientists rank the habits of bees the most reliable of all weather prog nostications. They become restless nnd irritable before a storm, and in oight or nine instances within three years their indications have proven correct when the barometer has failed. —"Yes, boys,” said old Bellows proudly beatiag his breast, “Fve been a soldier in my time, nnd if I do say it myself, like the warhorse of Scripture, I could ever scent the battle from afar." "I s’pose,” ventured young Paperwato, "that on many occasions that saved your life."— Life. —A man of Brazil, Ind., who died suddenly the other day, had a most curious mania fer stealing women's shoes. A few years ago he was ar rested. and forty or fifty pairs or shoes and slippers were recovered. Alter his death over sixty pairs of women's shoes were found in the hut where he lived alono. —A Michigan farmer, after losing three shouts, moored a large boar to the hog-pen to grapple with the bear that was feasting on his stock. The boar possessed long tusks, and pounced upon bruin the moment he appeared. The bear attempted to hug his enemy, but the porker was too cute, and, after a hard fight, ripped the intruder open with his tusks. The farmer then came up with a lantern and brained the depredator with an axe. —The following paragraph appeared the other day in the .Sharp County (Ark.) Record: “We want within the next sixty days, delivered nt our sanc tum, east end of Main street, or at our wife's residence, south sido of town, within legal hours, $1,000 good and lawful money of United States, eighty- one gallons of first-class sorghum. 100 bushels of prime wheat, twenty bar rels of corn in shuck (no stalks needed), 1,500 new subscribers, orders for fifty more new business cards and advertise ments for our columns which would show that business men appreciate the home paper. One square or leas, one Insertion................... $10» One square, each subsequent insertion.... M Notions of sppoinlmentand final aetUeasent * OS Other legal advertisements. 70 rents for firs* insertion and to cents per square for eaoh sub sequent insertion. Special bust nee» notice» in business eoltunna, 10 cents per line. Regular business Bottos*» ceuta per line. Professional cards. $11 per year. Special rates for large display “ad*.* MAJOR STOFAH'S LOVE. A Tala Somewhat Out ar th» Ordlaasgr of American Humorous Efforts. Major Stofah, a journalist of reput« sat in the parlor of his best girl’s pa latial residonoe, and the girl sat there also. She was an heiress of large dimen sions. The Major was a marrying man. And so was the girl. They had talked of the tariff, th* fisheries treaty, the President's letter of acceptance and other deeply inter esting and current matterr, until tea o'clock p. m. At that hour the girl’s wealthy fa ther called to her from the head of the stairs. "Susan," he said, "is Stofah dowa there?” “Yes, papa,” replied the girl, with a shiver. “All right; I want to see him. I’M be down in a minute." The Major looked at his girl. And she at him. f I The father was there ou tims. He entered. But he did not say: “Daughter, ain't it most time for breakfast?" nor "Has the morning paper come yet?” nor "Would Major Stofah like to go to market with me?" nor “Was that the milkman's bell I heard?” nor "Do you think I can catch that morning train?” nor "I have on my brass-toed boots;” nor “Will the moth ruin the Major’s overcoat on the rack?” nor "Where is tho shotgun?" nor did he call the dog. No. gontle and disappointed reader, he did nothing of the sort, as our well- known American humorists would have you believe he alwnys does on such oc casions. No. Ho simply asked the Major, In a polite tone of voice, if he would be kind enough to renew his subscription when he went down to the office next day; paid him in advance for another year; begged his pardon for talking shop; and, bidding him a respectful good night, retired. Then, for au hour longer, the Major and Susan didn't talk tariff, or fisheries treaty, or President’s letter. Oh, no! They know what to talk about, and the old man up-stairs chuckled. — W. J. Lampton, in Puck. __ , . e »i ■“■■■ ■ ADVICE TO BACHELORS. Take a Wife, and lie Happy, Contented and Prosperous. "Doctor, I feel miserable in mind and body—what shall I take?" asked an old bachelor patient to his physi- clan. • ‘Take a wife,” answored the doctor, gruffly. “Many are the men who have profited by taking this pre scription,” says the author of "How to Bo Happy, though Married,” in his now book, "The Five Talents of Woman," published by the Scribners. "Before marriage they were worth little, aftet it worth much. Man never appreciates his Inferiority to woman so thoroughly as when he stands before the altar in the presence of an audience of friends and hears the clergymau make him husband. Nino out of ton mon in such a position tremble us if they were about to bo arrested for murder, while nine out ot ten women go through the ceremony us gracefully as if it wars an every-day occurrence. And it is this timorous creature in a dress suit that promises to protoct the culm and placid angel whose orange blossoms are her aureole. What delicious sar casm there is in the thought! And in after-life, when the husband gets torn up by euro and when a little trouble edmos to steal away his peace of mind, how is it then? The woman whom he promised to protect becomes his pro tector, She seos sunshine through the clouds, She sooths out the wrinkled brow ot care, She props up hie flag- glug spirits. She puts new life Inta his bosom, new hope in his soul, and UNKNOWN SENSATIONS. he goes forth in tho morning with new Hlr John l.ubbock On the rroblematloel strength und now zeal to wrestle with Organ« of Henge. Sound is the sensation produced on life and its responsibilities. Woman us when the vibrations of tho air st rike msy be the weaker vessel, but she isn't on the drum of our ear. When they are broken up and doesn’t go to pieces M few, the sound is deep; as thoy increase soon as n man." in number, it becomes shriller and shriller; but when they reach forty Kamtchatkan Sledge Dog*. thousand in a second they cease to be Kamtchatkan dogs are probably th« audible. Light is the effect produced on us when waves of light strike on most sagacious of all feral types, anc the eye. When four hundred millions are employed and trained in the most of millions of vibrations of either careful manner for the multitudinous strike the retina in a second, they pro services required of them. Soon aftet duce red. and as the number increases birth they are placed with their dam the color passes into orange, then yel in a deep pit, that they may see neither low, green, blue and violet. But be man nor beast, and after having bee* tween forty thousnnd vibrations in a weaned und condemned to solitary second and four hundred millions of confinement for six months, at the end millions we have no organ of sense of which time they are put to a sledge capable of receiving the improssion. with other dogs, and being extremely Yet between these limits any number shy and frightened withal, they run m of sensations may exist. Wo have five fast as they can until they becom« senses, and sometimes fancy that no blown and cowed. After this trial trif others are possible. But it is obvious they are remanded to their pit, wher« that wo can not measure the infinite by they remain, off and on, un til they are thoroughly trained and our own narrow limitations. Moreover, looking at the question »ledge-broken. Thi* severe education from the other sido, we find in animal* sours their temper amazingly, and complex organs of sense, richly sup makes them any thing but companion plied with nerves, but the function of able. Drivers are frequently obliged which we aro as yet powerless to ex to stun them by a blow on the nos« plain. There may be fifty other senses before unharnessing them on account as different from ours a* sound is from of their savage nature. Besides draw sight; and even within the boundaries ing sledges they tow boats up river* 1* of our own senses there may be endless summer and keep their masters warm sounds which we can not hear, and col in winter night*. They are remarka ors as different as red from green, of ble weather prophet* and discount th« which we have no conception. These Signal Service Bureau, for, if whe* and * thousand other questions remain resting on a journey they dig hole* I* for solution. The familiar world which the »now, there i* certain to be a surrounds us may be a totally different storm. They are of the husky type, place to other animal*. To them it may »Baggy, with erect curling bushy tail*, be full of music which we can not hear, and not very sharp noses and ear*. of color which we can not see, of sen They live exclusively on fish, which sations which we can not conceive.— they catch fer themselves. Is winter Sir John I.ubbodt, iu Popular Science tbeir ration compr!«»* forty froze» Monthly. herrings per day.—ZoreB and Srtsis,