THE TELEPHONE THE TELEPHONE. PUBLISHED RATES OF ADVERTISING. FRIDAY EVERY MORNING. PUBLICATION OFFICE: I On« Door North of oor or Third and E 81», M c M innville , or . SUBSCRIPTION RATES Instituts ud Hkliu in». CIALTY.^ (ire. Man» ndeucp, h <’on>e and ;>H for our all partie. ^ hy M edi . fulo, Ñ.Y. WEST SIDE TELEPHONE (IN ADVANCE.1 ie year.......... . liiemth.......... lire. months.. VOL. II STOVES! S. A. MANNING CA.K.Fi.XjSS THE FITTEST LIJTE OF lebllitated M‘R. house* gcnorally 8 the best Cure-all* purposk all those pcullar to hoi i sands ind Surg- M*Tienos , and ription ice. For motion ■ He. It Ine. tonic Kto nirtli • ikn< ss of »k kick, ill!I y end 1’ioscrip. r poniti« tie. MITTI.E» •oo. ie’s lariro « Foires. D ispen - n Street, rTLE VER IXS. RTIl TOVES In county, the new acorn . hese stoves, without doubt, are the best ove manufactured. One of these stoveswill e given to the new cash subscriber to the ELEPHONE who guesses nearest its weight. QE flfl Stove eriven away. O JiUU COME AND SUBSCRIBE $1,50 A YEAR. ILZE ’MIN 1ST VILLE ■TONSORIAL PARLOR, aving, Hair Cutting and- - - - - - - - Shampoing Parlors. WM. HOLL, Proprietor of the Mtftaillt Jewelry ta, C. H.'FLEMING, Prop. The leading 1 All kinds of fancy liair cutting done in lie latest and neatest style ■.All kinds of fancy hair dressing and liair ing. a specialty Special attention given Ladies' and Childrens’ Work Hl also have for sale a very fine assort- ^^Sont of hair oils, hair tonics, cosmetics, etc t I have in connection with my parlor, . the largest ami finest stock of CIGABS Ever in the city. JEWELRY ESTABLISHMENT, —OF— YAMHILL COUNTY, Third Street, McMinnville Or. w. V. PIRICE, PHOTOGRAPHER. T hird S treet M c M innville , O regon Up Stairs in Adams' Building, McMinnville, Oregon ew Blacksmith Shop! AMITY, OREGON. eapplea, is. For Ai’t. it, lilt. ank, r.l »100,000. »■ Y«rk. Æ. Ja. BERGERON CURE. A New Treatment for Consumption Suc­ cessfully Tried In New Orleans. AM LIKENS, Proprietor. cksmithing and carriage ironing of every description. Horse Shoeing And plow work a specialty. —o Also manufacture tlie Celebrated Oregon Iron Harrow, GIVE ME A CALL M c M innville or Third and I) streets, McMinnville Proprietors. Promptly attended to Day or ITY STABLES, Third Street, between E and F McMinnville, Oregon. derson Bros. Props. t-class accommodations for Ccmmer- knen and general travel, tansient stock well cared for. EBHbrything new andin First-Class Order j ï’ÎFatronage respectfully solicited THE ltf What is known as the compound-gns treatment for consumption has been attracting a good deal of attention in medical circles of late. It is the in­ vention of a French physician. Dr. Bergeron, of Lyons, who claims to have accomplished remarkable results through its agency. The treatment has been expermented with in this country to some extent re­ cently. and the results appear to war­ rant the good opinion entertained of the method by the French physicians. A case has been reported from New Orleans where the treatment was tried on a lady who was in the last stages of quick consumption. Two-thirds of the lung was destroyed, an examination by the microscope revealed bacilli and a large amount of lung tissue in the matter expectorated. The tempe ra- ture was frofn 102 to 104. with night sweats, no appetite and continual cough. The lady’s husband, who chanced to be a chemist, improvised apparatus for making the compound of carbonic acid and sulphuretted hydrogen gases and for applying them. The effect was at once perceptible. The cough ceased, the appetite improved, the chest pain disappeared in four days and there was a gain of one pound in weight the first week, which was increased to three and a half pounds at the end of two weeks. In half an hour after the administra­ tion of the gas the temperature fell from 102 to 98. with an absolute craving for food which seemed to agree perfect­ ly with the patient These favorable conditions have continued, the patient steadily gaining in strength and weight so that there seems to be a fair expecta­ tion of complete recovery. If more general and thorough tests shall sustain the claims that are made for this new treatment of consumption it will prove to be one of the most val­ uable discoveries made by medical science.— Chicago Journal. “WHEN” The Way to Get Rich. A Land Speculation.—‘‘But,” said the would-be purchaser, they tell m« that the land is covered by a swamp.” “Swamp, why, of course. It’s the richest land in the world.” “But how am I to get rid of the water?” Call at the office of the WEST SIDE TELEPHONE. We “Pump it off.” will guarantee you “Yes, but then it will be on some T WORK, LOWEST PRICES. other man’s land." “That’s all right; let him pump it off on to some one else’s land. My dear We make a specialty oi Fine sir, you should never be bothered by what is on some other man’s land.” "Yes, but won’t he pump the water back on my land?” "The very thing you want, The best crops in the world are raised that way. Pumping from first one field to another brings about a mutual system of irriga­ tion. I got rich that way.”— Arkansaw ----- THE LEADER IN----- Traveler.^_______ ... You want any thing in the line of ob Printing k and Card Printing. "A MILLINERY. LITTLE * *ONSENSE." —Hard to Discourage—the banana peel; the public has always sat down on it.— Detroit Free 'ress. —The cobbler's boy unruly gets, and good behavior lacks; ’tis then he sadly »site Grange Store McMinnville. Or. stand* in need of genuine cobbler’s ------------S whacks. —Little Bess (who is so much ac­ S. A. YOUNG. M. D. customed to see baby creep that she thinks it is his natural mode of travel­ Physician & Surgeon, ing)—“Oh mamma, -onie quick! Baby ixxvitL«, ... O regon . is standing on his hind legs." Ice and residence on D street. All —When you congratulate your promptly answered day or night. barber on the birth of an infant son, you can make your reputation for wit I bv referring in a flattering manner to “the little shaver."—¿owdl Citizen. —The missionary contribution, from Dealer in i the Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church, , New York City, amount to $86.279 for arness. Saddles. Etc. Etc. home and $29.425 tor foreign missions last year. The First Church of Chica­ pairing neatly done al reasonable go was second, giving $25,988 to the right's new building. Corner Third home board and $15.411 to the foreign. F street«, McMinnville. Or. 1 —X. K Ind^endent. Hair weaving and Slamping. Lyle NO. 34 MCMINNVILLE, OREGON, DECEMBER 16, 1887. THE COTTON PLANT. OUR OWN. The little child that sits beside our feet Slay rob us of our strength and rest so sweet. And cause our way with cares to bo thick strewn; And yet we love our own. There may be fairer lands and brighter skies. There may be friends more faithful or more wise. Than any we have ever seen or known; But each will love pis own. —Mrs. Clara B. Heath. RICE THROWING AT WEDDINGS. Origin of tlie Custom as Given by tlie Chinese—The Wise Sorceress. In the days of the Stiang dynasty, some 1,500 years liefore Christ, there lived in the province of Shansi a most famous sorcerer called Chao. It happened one day that a Mr. P’ang came to consult to oracle, and Chao, having divined by means of the tortoise dia­ gram. informed the trembling P'ang that ho had but six days to live. Now, however much we may trust the sagacity and skill of our family physician, we may be excused if, in a matter of life and death, we call in a second doctor for a consultation, and in such a strait it is not to be wondered at that P’ang should repair to another source to make sure there was no mistuke. To the fair Peach­ blossom he went, a young lady who had ac­ quired some reputation as a sorceress, and to the tender feminine heart unfolded the story of his woe. Iler divination yielded the same as Chao’s; in six »lays P’ang should die, un­ less, by tlie exercise of her magical powere, she could avert the catastrophe. Her efforts were successful, and on the seventh day great was Chao’s astonishment, and still greater his mortification and rage, when he met P’ang taking his evening stroll and learned that there lived a greater magicum than he. The story would soon get about and unless he could quickly put an end to his fair rival’s existence his reputation would be ruined. And this was how Chao plotted against the life of Peach blossom. He sent a go-between to Peach blossom’s parents to inquire if their daughter was still unmarried, and receiving a reply in the affirmative, he befooled the simple parents into believing that he had a son who was seeking a wife, and ultimately he induced them to engage Peachblossom to him in marriage. The marriage cards were duly interchanged; but the crafty Chao bad chosen the most unlucky day he could select for the wedding, the day when the “Golden Pheas­ ant” was in the ascendant. Surely as the bride entered the red chair tho spirit bird would destroy her with his powerful beak. But the wise Peachblossom knew all these things, and fearetl not. “I will go,” she said; “I will fight and defeat him.” When the wed­ ding morning came, she gave directions to have rice thrown out at the door, which the spirit bird seeing made haste to devour, and while bis attention was thus occupied, Peach­ blossom stepped into tlie bridal chair and passed on her way unharmed. And now the ingenuous reader knows why he throws rice nfter the bride. If any interest has l>een engendered in his breast by this tale of the fair Peachblossom, let him listen to what be­ fell her at the house of the magician. Arrived at Chao’s house, no bridegroom was there, but an attendant was given her, and the two girls prepared to pass the night in the room assigned to them. Peachblossom was wake­ ful, for she knew that, when the night passed, the “Golden Pheasant” would be succeeded l>y the evil star of the “White Tiger,” whose power and ferocity who can tell! “Go you to bed fli-st,” she said to the maid. The girl was soon asleep, and still her mistress slept not, but continued to pace the room, and at mid-* night the tiger spirit came, and the morning light showed Peachblossom still pacing the room, while on the bed lay the lifeless body of the little maid. Thus were the magic bat­ tles of Peachblossom and Chao, and many more were there, until they took their flight to heaven, where now they reign as gods. And on earth the actors have not idols more prized than those of Peachblossom aud Chao Kung.—Chinese Times. ITS NATURAL HOME IN ASIATIC TROPICAL REGIONS. India Said to be the Moat Ancient Cot­ ton Growing Country—Cotton Found on the Western Continent—The First Sea Island Cotton. The cotton plant is a child of the sun. Its natural habitation is in the tropical regions of Asia. Africa and America, but it has been acclimated and suecesst'ully cultivated as far north as the thirty-sixth degree of north lati­ tude. Its cultivation covers a very large por­ tion of our glolie. In the eastern hemisphere the range of its cultivation extends fi-om southern Europe on the north to the Cajie of Good Hope Ou the south; in the western hemisphere from Virginia to southern Brazil. It has been most successfully cultivated, how­ ever, between the thirtieth and thirty-fifth degrees north latitude. Humboldt found it growing ill the Andes at an elevation of 9,000 feet, and in Mexico at 5,500 feet. Boyle re­ ports it cultivated nt an elevation of 4,000 feet in the Himalaya. Such elevations, how­ ever, are not favorable to its best develop­ ment. Botunieally, cotton belongs to the natural order malvacese, genus gossypiutn. Botanists differ as to its proper classification into species; some enumerating as many as ten species, others seven, and others only three, os necessary to a clear discrimination between the distinctive liuraeterislies recog­ nizable, after making due allowance for differ­ ences resulting from soil and climatic in­ fluences. ANCIENT COTTON GBOWING COUNTRY. The history of the cotton plant antedates in its beginnings the commercial annals of the human family. India seems to have been the most ancient cotton growing country. For five centuries beforo the Christian era her inhabitants were clothed in cotton goods of domestic "■'•■ufacture from the filler grown upon K vi soil by her own crude methods. Notwithstanding vrte proximity of China to India, it was not until the Eleventh century that tha cotton plant became an object of common culture in China. The first mention made of cotton in t lie records was 200 year.- before the Christian era. From that time down to the Seventh century it is mentioned not as an object of industry, but one of inter­ est and curiosity; an oeeuiumt of the flowei garden, the beauty of its flowers being cele brated in poetry. In the Eleventh century field culture of cotton commenced in China, but owing to the opposition of the people, es­ pecially those engagisl in growing and many facturing wool and flax, it was not until 1308 that the cultivation and manufacture of cot ton were well established. Central and South America and the West Indies grew and manufactured cotton long before their discovery by Columbus, who found the plant under cultivation, and tin lieople using fabrics made from the staple. At the conquest of Mexico by Cortes, in 1519, he found that the clothing of the Mexicans consisteil principally of cotton goods; tile na­ tives of Yucatan presented hin with cotton garments and cloths for coverings for hi> huts, while Montezuma presented him with “curtains, coverlets mid robes of cotton, fine as silk, of rich and various dyis, interwoven with feather work, thut rivaled tho dolicact of painting.” FLAX INSTEAD OF COTTON. Egypt seems not to have either cultivated cotton or used its fubries at a very early date, since tlie cloths in which tile mummies were enveloped were of flax instead of cotton. In­ deed, it apiiears thut those nations which were early celebrated for their manufacture of flm linen were slow to substitute the cotton fo: the flax. Spain was first of the European states to grow cotton. It was inti-oiluced hero by the Moors in tho Tenth century. The first cotton was planted in the United States in 11)21. The Prince of Wales** Hair. “Carroll’s Historical Collections of South m everything except the indispensable Carolina” mentions the growth of the cot­ tawny beard that falls like a rolltof dead gold ton plant ill that province in 1600. In 1736 silk to the extremity of a massive chest, it was planteil in gardens in Talliot county, Prince Albert Victor, the eldest son of the M l., latitude 39 north. At the commence­ Prince of Wales, models himself on Ouida’s ment of the revolutionary war Gen. Delagall heroes. He is as fond of knickknacks as a was said to have had thirty acres planted ii> lady. His private apartments are the near­ cotton near Savannah, Ga. Is is stated that est approach to the talented but vulgar au­ ill 1748, among tho exports of Charleston, 8. thoress’ ideal of a young guardsman’s rooms. C., were seven bags i¡fji>ttoii wool, valued at Ho would not brush his hair otherwise than £3 11s. 51. a bag. AÍbther small shipment with an ivorybacked brash to save his life. was made in 1754, and in 1770 three more, Eau de Cologne and other perfumes have amounting to ten bales. In 1784 eight bales their place in his bath. To write a note on shipped to England were seized on the ground paper that was not the triumph of the per­ that so much cotton could not be produced in fumer’s art would in his own imagination be the United States. unworthy of b»s tastes and position. He has Tho firat Sea Island cotton was grown on started in life in fact as an exquisite of the tho coast of Georgia in 1786, and its ex[>orta- George IV type; but luckily for himself and tion commenced in 1788, by Alexander Bis­ for the nation be is preserved from some of sel, of St. Simons Island. In 1791 the the most objectionable.traits of the “First cotton crop of tho United States was 2,000,000 Gentleman’s” character by the sensitive shy­ pounds, of which three-fourths was grown in ness of his disposition. South Carolina and one fourth in Georgia. He differs again from most exquisites in Ten years later, 1801, 48,000,000 pounds were having a praiseworthy desire to pay prompt­ produced—20,000,000 pounds of which was ly for the luxuries in which ho indulges. In­ expored.—Professor J. 8. Newman inAuieri- deed he worries his attendants to worry his can Agriculturist. tradespeople to send in their bills sharp, and frets ami fumes if the astute shopkeepers— Tlie Lives of Longshoremen. alive to the value of having the future king But, however much of adventurous inter­ of England upon their books within decent est there may be among these more weird limits—delay in delivering their accounts. forms and expressions of New York harbor Like his father he gets bis clothes—and plenty life, the truer in erest centers in the thou of them—from Poole. Prince Albert Victor’s sands of toilers whose lives are passed on the idea of dignified mufti is a frock coat and docks and in the holds of vessels where the lavender or gray trousers. He seldom wears countless products of lalxjr and art leave us a cutaway coat, and even when traveling for tho old world, or ore first set down for hardly ever appeal's in a suit of dittoes. On the new. These are th longshoremen; and the whole lie may be described as a very there are 18,000 to 20,000 of them necessary stately and solemn young man.—London to handle the outgoing and incoming freight Letter. of the harbor. That is a large number of en. Dependent up^n i hose alone are nearly Tlie Life of a Grns.liopper, As every one knows, it is a rule of nature enough human lieifigs to populate a large every winged hiaectaliall dio within the year city. Their yearly earnings are from 810,- (the occnsional individuals that survive the 000,000 to $12,000,000. They are rough, hard twelvemonth only proving tho rule), for the and uncouth, I lit aro marked by such n stage of wings is the last third of the crea­ geniality of nature that tho key to it is diffi­ ture’s life. After all, it would lie very airsurd cult to discovof when tho severity of their if we dig to wither. destination. And the fan^y easily rotinies all But the grasshopper has nothing to complain seas and lauds with tiro going aneen mined, and entered the army in 1818 He was bre vetted they are now selling at a premium. One of them brought $40 la L od <1 ou recall/. major general on March 13, lbflö All Kight, De Soto. One day last week an old man with a bald head, aud obviously with a drink or two stowed away in the place where a drink does an old man tho most good, boarded a Van Buren street car and looked around for a seat. Of course he found none, and, on ap­ pealing to the conductor, was told that he would be able to find him one by the time the car reached Western avenue. “All light, De Soto,” replied the aged pas­ senger. The conductor finished his fare taking and resumed bis perch on tho rear brake, but the old man’s word; kept ringing In his ears. “‘All right, De Soto! All right, Do Sotoi‘ What the thunder did be mean by that?” the conductor askod himself, ami he finally i became so worked up about it that he went j in and asked the old man what it was he had ' been giving him. “Oh,” said tho delighted old party, with a chuckle, “in 1858, when the first Atlantic cable was laid, they got a few words across, you remember. One of the message's which came from Valencia, Ireland, in response to an inquiry how the wire was working, was; ‘All right, De Soto.’ De Soto was the opera­ tor’s name, you know’, and, by gosh, that was the last word they did get through that old cable beforo she went back on’m completely. For months that was all you could hear in this country. It was in every man's mouth. Whenever we wanted to say that a thing was all right, when in fact it was all wrong, we’d say, ‘All right, De Soto,’ see? That was what I meant when you told me I’d get a seat at Western avenue. I know that this car doesn’t ran any further, and so do you, you young scoundrel ?”—Chicago lieraid. AN ALLIGATOR MARKET. A DESCRIPTION OF A NEW OR­ LEANS SAURIAN EMPORIUM. Prices Range from Fifty Cent« to 8200. How They Are Hunted—Fed Twice a Week—Sent to Europe aa Curiosities. An Old Fell. w. “How do you sell the beast, madam?” asked the inquisitive reporter of a quiet look« ing woman, who was the one jieacefiil object in the screaming, noisy world about her. “Well, I hardly know how to answer that question,” she responded, her voice pitched high enough to penetrate the chirping, squeaking, cawing and crowing of the con­ gregation of feathered folk fluttering about. “You see, they come at most any price, and when I tell you we get all the way from fifty cents to $200 apiece, you can understand how prices vary.” As is well known, sugar, oranges and alligators form three staples in Louisiana exports and internal revenue, and it was to discover the exact condition of the crocodile market, and whether the spring catch had been good, that a visit was paid yesterday to the big tanks on Chartres street. There is ujavish liberality and a free, un­ stinted prodigality in the way one of these reptiles lays eggs that would discourage any­ thing short of a patent incubator. Why, without half putting her mind to it, and in a poor season at that, she will fill her nest with seventy-five eggs and crawl away, com­ “Hing Out" all ilie Growlers. fortably assured every last one will produce A miller sat in a chestnut tree. a healthy little yeliow and black wriggler. Anil cracked some ancient nuts for me. Just here it is that tho ex; ert hunter comes lie saiil that dour was as cheap as dirt. in for a 6oft thing. He knows tho favorite That bis bank account was badly hurt laying grounds of the alligator bens as thor­ By the prolltk’ss trade of the dying year; oughly os Johnny does bis bantam's nest in That flour was low and wheat was dear. the barn, and when the time comes for the Ring out, my merry chestnut bell. exhausted mother to cease from her labors, Ring sharp and clear, and to him tell he simply paddles out, fills his canoe with That this same tale he told before, And bid him tell It nevermore. the thick skinned, pearly globes, and feels sure of a fine retu r later on. The builder of mills, in his easy chair. Alligators are brought into town in every To me doth often sadly swear stage, from an embryo state in the egg to That business to the dogs must go. great, angry monsters a dozen feet long, tip­ If prices keep so very low; That things look darkly bine and drear. ping the scales hundreds of pounds. Men And says, "Oh, shoot the glad New Yearl" hunt their hideous game after dark, stalking Ring out, oh, trusty chestnut bell. the swamps, dragging lagoons anil wading Ring sharp ami clear, and to him tell through low, oozy marshes, where vast num­ That this same tale bo’s told before, bers of alligators abide. Several methods of Aud bid him tell it—nevermore. capturing them are resorted to. Those Now let me sit in mine office chair. caught with hooks are only fit for immediate With my good big pen und my frowsy hair. killing, as they sicken and die in short order. Anil let me write that "in eighty-seven big ones are lassoed and smaller fry Both ini'len* anil furnishers find their heaven; The snared in a heavy seine made for this pur­ For prices will rise ami profits will grow," pose. The hunter realizes he is after danger­ Ami then I can say, "1 tol«l you bo ." ous game, with lots of vicious habits, anil so But hark I do I hear a chestnut bell? besides blinding their stupid eyes by a lan^ No, 'tis only a card, with words that tell. worn in his cap, he is prepared to send a As I lay it away on my dusty shell, soothing bullet whenever necessary. "Somewhat of a llar I am myself." After bringing in his find of eggs, the croc­ —Northwestern Miller. odile farmer heaps them in boxes and simply depends on time to do its perfect work, in Gamesters. the course of weeks the infant gnaws and I watched the smile on her rosy lips As I bunched the cards and she stacked the chips; claws at tho hard shell until be finally squirms his way into the world. There is as much “Give me the pack, my deal.’’ difference in tho skin of tho young and old A flourish, a flash, the shuffling done, ones as in a baby’s complexion as compared She dealt me a hand, and I said in fun: “This time tho ‘pot’ 1'11 steal.’’ with a grown person’s. Their hide is as bril­ liant as if polished, a bright black and yellow, An ace, two treys, a queen, a jack, which grows dingier and rustier every year But tho card I wanted was in the pack— they live. A “bob tailed flush” I saw. Passing through the big bird stere the alii “One card,” I said, when tho bets were made; I split the treys and drew a spade— gator region Is reached. It is a pretty, gar ’Twos a club I held before. den like place, with tender, lacy vines trained in delicate festoons up the lattice With her card she tapped her snowy chin, against the dark brick wall. Great red pots And laughingly said : “ I always win, hold rich foliage plants that lend a tropical Come, I’ll bet you all I’ve got.” “ I’ll take you,” said I—and I saw her start— air to the sjK)t, fitting the inhabitants of the “ I’il ‘raise’ you one and bet my heart long cemented tanks. These troughs are She “ called ” me and lost the “ pot.” built six in a row, the occupants being care­ Tid Bite fully graded according to size. There is very little family affection among them, parents A Byronic Joke. hesitating to sacrifice their offspring on John Taylor, in his reminiscence», tells u« rarely altar of a healthy appetite. Survival of the that be was much in the habit of visiting the the biggest is an unanswerable law to which all green room of Drury Lane theatre in order I must succumb; consequently they are class’. to cultivate an acquaintanceship with Lord Owl iiflo two and threo year olds. Twice a Byron. week the water must be changed for tho salu­ “Ho always.” sav» Taylor, “received me brity of tho atmosphere. There is a libtorious with great kindness, and particularly one untamable odor about an alligator that roust night when 1 had returned from a public bo regarded. It is tho perfuroo ho brought dinner and met him in tho green room. I from his wild, free life in the forest, and had by no means drank much wine, yet as 1 bangs aliout him with unvarying Gteadfast seemed to him to bo somewhat heated and ness. Twice a week refresh men to aro handed appeared to be thiraty, he handed me a turn-1 round, boef lights as a rulo, a delicacy for bier of water, as ho said, to ‘dilute’ me.”— | which alligator’s hnvo a very pronounced pen­ Detroit Free Press. chant. Tho half grown variety cat from five to six at a meal, distending their uncomely, He Knew Where They Had Been. shapeless stomachs until the recpptaclos refuse De Hang—Have you seen anything of my to hold another par ticle. They feed only at slippers, Johnny? intervals, but have voracious appetite« then. Johnny—No, sir. They are very ugly croatui'es, with wretcheel Mrs. De Hang—John Henry, mind what dispositions, os tho reporter hod a fair oppor­ yon say. tunity of discovering. Hanging over the side Johnny—I ain’t seen ’m pop, honest. of tho tank in ; layful, almost intimate, rela­ Mamma kep’ my head down Bo low I couldn’t tions with the beast, his sheltering umbrella see a blamed thing. I ain’t sayin’ nothin' gave a tip too far and touched the extreme about feelin’ ’in, though.—Tid Bits. point cf tho thing’s snout. It was enough; with a terrifying bellow and blowing off of A Dismal Failure. steam the infuriated being rose two inches out Sweet Girl—And so you have been on the of tho water and sent his observer exactly threo feet in tho air. It was a severe shock, plains for ten years? Handsome Cowboy—Yes, this is the first and bos generated respect, if not admiral ion, time I’ve I icon bark into real civilization. for tho alligator’s sensitiveness. Lying in th<- “Now please tell me, in that lonely life, so sunshine, every grizzly feature is accentuated. far removed from the refining influences of— Their great shovel heads float on tho water civilization, you know, what did you miss with stupid, evil eyes that blink Eke yellow excrescences on a mud colored surface. A most?” “Oysters.”—Omaha World. tiuy, minute slit in tho snout admits enough air to enable them to make a sound frightful enough to scare the stoutest hearted. Hliort Smile». The kee,)er of the tanks said hundreds were “I will now quit fooling,” said the phy sician as ho wrote out a prescription, “and sold yearly to traveling showmen, numbers proceed to business” Then he made out his being sent to Euro}« as curiosities, besides many that were bought by northern visitors. bill.—Philadelphia Call. Saloon owners buy them constantly to keep Colored Hunter—Hold on dar, Abel You’ll | 1 on their counters as an attraction to possess, strain flat gun fus’ thing you knows, tryin I Chicago and St. Louis being noticablo among ter shoot dat duck so fur off, an’ do weepon the number. An artist hera in town sets nebber will be no mo’ ’count.—Texas Bitt­ ' them up with all sorts of comical devices. He ing*. stuff« them up with cotton, and fashions When a man l>ecomrs firmly convinced that preachers, lawyers, gamblers, organ grinders, he is a genius, it is then that the fringe slowly cotton handlers and duelista out of tho ridicu begins to form on the bottom of his trousers i lous little figures. One, a burlesque scene in leg.—Life. ! court, was very particularly amusing. Thna “There is always sunshine somewhere,” are sold very cheaply and a pretty fuir trod« f Rays an exchange. If it wire not for such is driven. little bits of information as this bow stale, flat 1 The saurian merchant has a p rfcct treas- and unprofitable this world would lie!— Bos ure that be keeps in clone quarters and guards os the fairest j »wel of bis entire collection of ton Courier. Lawyer—Now, you say you’ve known this lieautieH. It is a huge, evil smelling, sluggish couple for years. Witness — Yes, sir. Ever reptile, measuring twelve feet, whose age is seen them quarrel? Never. They’ve always . calculated at 150 years. He lies sprawled out lived together in unity, ch? No, sir; in | on tho floor of his trough in a state of torpid Bwampsville; that’s about four miles from stupidity, liie creature looks bored to death, | and with enough impotent malignity in his Unity.— Judge. | depraved yellow eyes to devour every visitor A clergyman relates that on one occasion, who studied his unhandsome pro[>ortions. after marrying a couple, an envelope was The tropical Ijeast is entirely out of place handed to him, which bo supposed, of course, with fresh air and the perfume of contained Uio marriage foe. On opening it i surrounded flowers. One fancies him crawling slowly he found a slip of paper on whi' h was writ­ from the beat and slime of some low lagoon, ten, “We desire your prayers.”—New York lying in wait for prey that has no chance 1« Daily News. tween those weighty jaws. Little niggers and Tommy was taken very rick. IIis mother ! crocodiles are indissolubly connected in th«- discovered that lie had been eating too much i ordinary imagination, and one instinctively preserved stuff, and while awaiting the doc­ looks round for the black juicy morsel tv tor’s visit, implored him to tell her the cause gratify bis hungry, homesick heart —New of it. “Mother,” he »aid. finally “Mother, Orleans Time*-Democrat. Marne Duffy rejected my suit, and,” hoarsely, ‘it drove mo to jam."—. id Bits. Origin of the llnstle. Pittsburgh Tramp— Madam, if you’ll fill Women will lie interested to know that the me up with a good dinner I’ll saw some wood. bastle Iff of Persian origin. Nott, in Lis notes Tm willin' to work. Woman (-bortly)—You o roundnees, thought by them to be becoming. par's Bazar. —Chicago Tribune. One square or less, one insertion. One square, each subsequent insertion.. .. Not ices of appointment and final settlement 5 00 Other legal advertisements. 75 cents for first insertion and 40 cents per square for éach sub­ sequent insertion. Special business notices in business columns, 10 cents per line. Regular business notices, 5 cents per line. Professional cards, f 12 per year. Special rates for large display “ads. FOREIGN GOSSIP. —The boundaries of Scotland em­ brace 186 islands. —London has a police army of 13,- 849 men. The chief has a salary of $10,500 a year. —Speaking generally, the average length of life in England is forty-four years; tlie average length among the upper classes is fifty-three years. —Steel-framed cabs arc now being manufactured in England, w ith a view to lightness and greater durability than if wood wore used for the pur­ pose. —Dr. Barnardo’s Ho lies in Loudon now hold no fewer than two thousand poor boys and girls wholly dependent upon him; the most of whom would, but for their admission to thoso hum"S. have probably grown up to evil lives. Moro than ton thousand other misera­ ble children have also been trained in these homes— Boston Transcript. —Tlie British telegraph service, which is part of the post-ofli e. does not pay expenses since the rate was re­ duced to sixpence per message, or about 12 cents. Tlie deficit for the past year was £228 001 on working ex­ penses and £826,000 for interest on the working capital—in all £550,000, or $2.750,000. —In A'geria there is a small stream which the chemistry of nature lias con­ verted into true ink. It is formed by tho union of two rivulets, one of which is very strongly impregnated with iron while tho otlipr, meandering through a peat marsh, inili bos gallic acid, an­ other ingredient in the formation of ink. L-tiers and other manuscript matters are sa isf ictorily written with this singular natural compound of iron and gallic acid. —The E iglisli red-tape army and navy officials do queer tilings. Not only do they send canned moat to Australia, were the woods nre full of meat; rice to India and sugar and rum to Jamaica, but on a recent occasion they literally sent coals to Newcastle for sonic warships on tho Tyne. Until very recently they used to send vast quantities of gun-flints to Quebec every year, because such gun adjuncts used o be shipped there a centunry ago.— Boston Transcript. —The remains of a cemetery belong­ ing to the ago of tho Gauls have re­ cently been discovered in Paris, in the old F imbourg St. G rtnan, at tlie cor­ ner of the R ics R icroi and Bollechase. Fifty-two tombs havo been found with skeletons, most of which are skole’ons of women and children. Only twelve aro skeletons of men. Many weapons and implements have also boen un­ earthed—swor.lSj lances, aud bronze and iron instruments of all descrip­ tions. — Springfie d Bepublican. —The Parsees of Bombay have long been famous for their charitable munif­ icence, and the example of tho late Sir Janis.-tjae J -jeobhoy, known through­ out tho civilized world for his liberali­ ty. is being emulated at tho prosont day by another Parsee, Sir Dinshaw Manockjee- Petit, sheriff of Bombay, who has just off-red tho Government of Bombay ono and one-half lakh ($75,- 000), for the purposo of establishing'* female colloge in that city.— N. K In­ dependent. —Among tho peoples who inhabit the region near Stanley Falls is one which has a very peculiar copper coin­ age, consisting of enormous spear­ heads made out of very thin copper. One of these is valued as equal to two hundred E iglish pounds worth of ivory. Every thing among thorn has its value reckoned in terms of copper »pears. Tippoo-T b. tho rich and in­ fluential Arab trader whose henchmen, not long ago, captured theStinley Falls station, has sent one of these spears to London. This tribe manu­ factures highly artistic metal work.— Boston Budget _ ( —Date calculations from compared observations show that Alcyone—that ono of the Pleiades around which the sun and the, whole solar system were once thought to revolve—is about 954,- 000,009,000,000 miles from us. a distance that it would take light about 163 years trvGtn^L SIMMONS LIVER REGULATOR For all DisaaM* of th« Uvtr, Sidneys, Strauwh and Sflata. Th;« purely vegetable pre* Firation. now so celebrated as a amily Medicine, originated ia th« South in IBS A. It acts «rntly on the Bewels and ildnevs and oorreets the action of th« Liv«r, and is, there­ fore, th« 'vest preparatory medicine, whatever the si«a- ncss may Fr*vw to he In all common dtseases it will, en- a««l«ted by any other modi* tin«, efltee; a speedy cure. Th« Regulator is safe t« condition «7 th« system, aad ui stanees ran tt de harm, hke a «Uss of win«, but is no in age to lead to intampcrance; will promote di­ gestion. dissipate headache, and gener­ ally tone np the system. Th« do»« is small« not unpleasant, and its virtues undoubted. Mo loss of time, no inter­ ruption er stoppage of business while tai'ng tha Regulator. Children complaining of CoUe, Headache, or Melt Mtnmaoh, a teaspoonful os ■»ore will give relief. If taken omaslonally by pa­ tients exposed to MALARIA, will expel the poison and protect them from attack. A PRTBIOIAW’B dPINIBW. I have been practicing medicine for twealy years, ami have never been able to put up a vegeubfe compound that would, like Simmons Lrver Reffu later, promptly and effectively move the Liver to action, and at the tame ttsm aid i Instsad ef enme, the digestive and amimilanve powem system. L M H imtow , M D.,WaJungtnti MB THAT »•<; BBT TBB GBNVTMB. rssPAss» by / ff. Z»i!in A C»., Fhilndtlphl», ft.