THE TELEPHONE. THE TELEPHONE* »EAIOCJ It ATTIC PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY WEST SIDE TELEPHONE PUBLICATION OFFICE: Cus Dior North of cor er Third and E Su , M c M innville , or . SUBSCRIPTION KATES: (IX ADVANCE.) Ine year....... 12 00 1 00 ¿0 Ji \ months. •. J'brcu mouths MCMINNVILLE, OREGON. DECEMBER 2, 1887. VOL. II STOVES! S. A. MANNING CARE1£S TITZE FITTEST TIKE OF STOVES the county, the new ACORN, rhese stoves, without doubt, are the best ¡tove manufactured. One of these stoves will >e given to the new eash subscriber to the rELEPHONE who guesses nearest its weight. e tri ven a wav. THROUGH THE STORM. 1 heard a voice, a tender voice, soft falllug Through the siorin; Tho wave* w«re high; tbe biller wiads were call ing. Yet breathing warm. Of ekies serene, of stinnr uplands lying In peace beyond; This tend, r voice, unto my voice replying, Linde answi r fond. Sometimes, Indeed, like crush of armies meeting, Aroso tho gale; But over all that sweet voice kept repeating, **l u :all uct lull.” —Nora Perry. A MATCH GAME. “Gramlpop,” sai l little Peleg, tlie other day as lie appeared before the OU Settler in tbe full glory of a red tl iiincl shirt, green knick* erlmckcrs aiul n yellow ami blue striped cap, “ tbe Ilollow Backs is coining from Shepcr’s COME AND SUBSCRIBE $1,50 A YEAR. Cornels, this afternoon to play a match with our nine, and if you wanj to see ns get awnv with •em, come over to tho Sb, ep Sorrel meadow nnd watch tbo game.” “Oh, they be, l»o they /” said the Old Set tler, putting 1:1, s xctacles down on bis noeo and 87 Washington St., Portland, Oregon, looking Peleg all over. “The Holler Backs is coinin’, hey I An’ tliey’m gointer play n match with our nine, I xj they I I'm right glad to horn* it, Peleg, but I hain’t o'zactly got the heft o’w’at Hie ccllybration’s to be. Whois I the Holler Backs/ Then, ug’in, Icon’t’mem ber jist w’at we’ve got nine of ih’C they’d be likely Io play with. But moro'speciuDy. an’ to tbo p’int, sonny, yo hain’t gointer fo.lier ti Of all Gradaâ and the Latest Eastern Styles band organ off, be yo? That hain’t the reason ver rigged up so gorjus an’permiscus, is It? You toil not, Peleg, an’ I hain’t never been! SAMPLES FÆTVXI j IEFD OLT APPLICATION": o’yer spiiiniii’no'bin’ but top,, but i'll 1s t a i big ml herein' th’t Solomon in all his glory never slnng on sodi stylo ns them. Goslit’l- ZLÆ’MlITsraSTVILIalE Tall Oaks From Little Acorns niighty! I must go git n picco o’smoked glass so's I kin bear to look at yo, for yer like Grow. a sunup iu July, mi' yo hurt iny eyes.” “Why, I'm ono of our nine, grandpop," re With brains and skill nnd patient will. plied Peleg, “and this is my suit to play in. Which sjiows them great painstakers’ You see our nine is tho Daisy Cutters, aud wo The Wagon that has pleased tbe world. channelled tho Hollow Backs to conic up mid Was made by S tudebakers pluy us n niateli game. They've hud the nervo The Country grew with rapid strides; C. H. FLEMING, Prop. lo'cept the channels, nnd thero hain’t any The West with teeming acres, thing left for us to do but go out and sweep All kinds of fancy hair cutting done in Was in a quandry what to do! tbo earth with 'em.” Till relieved bv S tudebakers . je latest and neatest style “Yo don't tell me!” exclaimed tho Old Se.t- LA 11 kinds of fancy hair dressing and hair So, with Iron and Wood and labor good, llcit, “Wall, now, I wouldn’t a than , it. 1 ting, a specialty Special attention given Though they have many Imitators; If you want the Wagon that’s best on earth ’. reckon I’ll go overnn’seo tho fuu. How many Just buy of S tudebakers . p’ints do yo play, Peleg? Is it anything like Ladies' and Childrens’ Work whistle jack er seven up? If it is I cun put The’moral is plain, which you may know* I also have for sale a very fine assort And if you look, you may see also, ye up to sotno tricks that’ll bo wutli u heap to ent of hair oils, hair tonics, cosmetics, etc That the largest Oaks from Acorns grow; ye, ttonny." k t I have in connection with my parlor, The same as the S tudebakers . “Tain’t cards, grandpop!”said Peleg. “It’s / • the largest and finest stock of ball; baseball, it's Ilio Daisy Cutters against t tlio Hollow Backs, ai d I’m beginning to feel sorry for tlio Hollow Bucks already. Snagsy Ever in the city. Jones is tlio catelicr fol* our nine, and ho can ■"TntnD S tueht M c M isnvilt . b , O bkoox stop a cannon ball. I’m tlio short stop, and AMITY, OREGON. Bill Simmons says that of all tho jim dandy backers up l:o over seen I am tho jim dnndi- est. Bill’s the pitcher of tlio Daisy Cutters, SAM LIKENS, Proprietor. and tlioTi chimi|,s from Sleeper’s Corners Blacksmithing and carriage ironing of never can hit Bill Simmons, and I know it. ---- AGENT FOR----- But you just wait and notico tlio way we'll every description. pound Ilio pitcher for tho Hollow Baeks. FRANK BRO'S. Implement Co. We’ll paralyzo him and knock bim all over Horse Shoeing tho field.” -----AT----- “Can’t hit B II Simmons!” exclaimed the And plow work a specialty. S“ttler. “I’m sorry fer Hint, for if thuznny —o---- young scoundrel th’t wants to bo hit, an’ hit well, it’s Bill Simmons. If they can’t bit bim, Also manufacture tbo and wont somo one th’t kin, I'll botimi-, an’ [Will be found a complete slock of XST’Celebrated Oregon Iron Harrow, ’ll bo glad to do it. Ez fer you fellers potinin’ tbo Holler Back chap all over tbo field, ye KJFORD plows, including the Carbon- wantcr 1» keerful, Peleg. Fair play’s a GIVE ME A CALL. 50tf e Steel plow, and SMITH’S Patent jowcl, an’ if ymir crowd goes totakin’ nny Liking G.ing. These plows are some- » 'vantago o’ him, ’Ibont givin’ him a fair show, ■ iitf new and useful and it costs I givo yo warnin’ light now th’t I’ll take a M c M innville band in. A fair field an’no favor, sonny, or piling to try them. Also the new HA- thull bo a circus over to Sheep Sorrel med- kNA Press Drill, call and look before der, b'gosh, th’t yo hain’t got on tlio bills.” lying elsewhere. I am also prepared Peleg inailo v.p Ills mind that lio bud no ifurnish castings and steam fixtures time to mnko any further explanations to Ids grandfather, nnd tolling bigi to bo suro to Iphort notice. sep23tf Cor Third and D streets, McMinnville conio over nml see tlio fun ho ran off to limit np Bill Simmons nnd Snagsy Jones. When THE OLD RELIABLE tbo Old Settler reached tho hall ground in the afternoon both nines had arrived and tlie gonio was almost ready to commence. Two Proprietors. or threo ot the boys from the tavern laid come over to sec tlio match. A dozen or t wo of I be youthful friends of tho Daisy Cutters and n delegation t'.iat liad conio up from tho Cor LLOWAY & GOUCHER, Props. ners with tbo Hollow Backs wore grouped to- gcibcr on tlio grass in good unii safe positions. I warehouse ha.« been thoroughly reno- The Old Settlor cast his eye over tlio field, Hed and overhauled, and new accom asked ono of the boys a few questions about modations added. tho chalk lines of tbo diamomi, the baso bags and other things, nnd then said: “Whni’s the gool?” “Tbo what?” asked tho interrogated spreta direct Shipments to San Francisco. tor. “Tlio gool," replied tho Old Seitier. “I le but standard Calcutta Sacks kept Third Street, between E and F 'member th’t wo usety play ball w’en I were iud let on the most reasonable terms. a young un, an’ we alluz had a gool, an’we bad to git tiiar, too, an' git thar lively, if we McMinriville. Oregon. didn't want to hov tbo ball fired into us ker plunk, right under Ilio bind gaIll’s buttons. ITOBAG-E 3 CZELLTTS. I If yo got to thogool jo war nil safe, nn’ be l another whack at tboball. Tbo gool wousety bov were the sido of a barn, or nstu’.ipilc, First-class acciSmmodations far Commer an' «'« find to run nn’ tetch it w’en we whacked tbo lxtll; but I don’t ses none here. cial men and general travel. Tltcy can't play I mi 11 without a gool, can they T' Proprietor of the Transient stock: well cared for. “1 guess wliat you’re talkin' ’bout, major, Everything new Ind in First-Class Order must tai what wo call home nowadays. That's it, yonder, with tbo square chalked ltf around it.” Patronage reap tctfully solicited Tlie Old Bettier made up his mind that lie couldn't havo n bettor placo to see tho game Tlie leading than a scat near tlio homo plate, and be i WZIZIY ESTABLISHMENT, starteli for it. Tbo game bail liceo calimi in •ho meantime. Tbo Hollow Backs went to -OF- ti. • bat. Tho Ohl Settler made his way to tbe I spot ho had selected and sat down on the grass a f«w foot back of and to tlio left of tlio home ---- THE LEADER IN---- plate. Third Street. McMinnvil’e Or. “Go 'way from tb-rc, grandpop!" yelled Peleg from bis placa bollimi Bill Bimiuons. i “You’ll get your bead knocked off!" “Don't you get skeert, sonny!” tlio Old Set tler shouted back. “Yer ol’ grati’pap won't You want any thing in the line of boni in ibo winxls fer mullin’. Keep that red shirt of yonr’n on, Peleg, an' perceed alwail ¡ Opposite Grange Store McMinnville. Or. with sweopiii' up tho earth with these Holler Backs!” “Seo hero, old man,” said ono of the jnve tiilo boll player« from Streeter’* Corners, tap ping tlio Old Settler on tho shoulder, “you Cnll at thA office of the WEST can't stay here. Yer in tlio way, and we’ll SIDE TELEPHONE. We will guarantee you rim over ye. Come, git up nnd dig!" —Dealer in all kinds of— “Jcevrìiizz!” exeluimed tbo Old Settler, ns ST WORK, LOWEST PRICES i ho looked up and saw who was giving bim his orders. “ ; bo nex' thing I know sotno o’ ti e e littlo whippet snapriers in monkey jacket ’ll Ws make a sp-ctalty ot Fine Ise »endin’ mo to town to fetch 'em iu a paper —Gocflt »old at— u’ chawin' t'bockorl Go 'way fra me, boy, or Schofield & Morgan, all and Ceiling Papers TONSORIAL PARLOR, paving, Hail- Cutting and- - - - - - - - Slianipoing Parlors. CIGARS New Blacksmith Shop! J. SMITH, ITH’S Machine Works The Best Rigs iu the City. Orders Promptly attended to Day or .ost Cash Prices Paid for Grain. CITY STABLES, Honest Weight. Fair Dealing. WM. HOLL, ÍAMHILL COUNTY, WHEN” ob Printing MILLINERY, Hair weaving and Stamping. FT our .and Feed ok and Card Printing. I'll"----- The Lowest (ash Price Just then tho umpire called ‘Fold!" and the ball earromed on tbe Old Settici '* broad — And — brimmed bat and sent it flying a dozen feet S, A. YOUNG, M. D. I awsr. “Foul!" lio yelled. “I sli’d say it were foul. Physioitti A Surgeon, Jti' it's that consarned imp of a Bi.I Sini ■iSXVtLLX, ... OlMOX. To all peraotts residing within city limits. ci *S’cs done it! If thus any o’ you Holler Back*.-» tli“t thinks ye can't hit him. jist let ■Bee an<1 reiidenee on D street. All mo lay iny feelers ou him. I'll show j « Low ■ promptly answered day or night. it’s done, b'gosh ! Jist you ilio another b*!l inter me, yo young varmint, on'Pii skin ye De) 1er in like I would an oei!” Fvleg quieted tlie old man down and 1'<11dm to a safe placo among tbo spectators. But be Harness. Saddles. Etc. Etc. set down growling! PHOTOGRAPHER. “Foul! 1 sad say it wore foul, eonsarr Repairing neaft j d<»n< at raaaonabU bfm!" Stain in Idasi Dnilding. ! rat»« Py and by be got lutorooted tn the gsm* ¡ Wriirht’i new M i Idi nr Corner Third 1 A > U » «ut «a be Lagna to *vU«s last u* MaMlnnvUto, Oregon and f strMtf. iítiíi wviLtf Or. t Delivered Free! Lyle "Wright pr. y rates op advertising . MORNING. PRICE, friends of tho Daisy Cutters did not manifest GERMAN UNIVERSITY DUELS. any ovidences of joy, while the delegation that came up with the Hollow Backs seemed Little Effort to Stop Them Made by the particularly elated. Authorities—The Schlueter's Five Cuts. “Say,” said the Old Settler at last to a young The police authorities of tbe university friend of the Daisies, “be wo paralyzin’ tko Holler Backs an’ sweepin’ tho earth with ’etn towns make no earnest efforts to stop tbe much! My eyesight hain’t scarcely long duels it they are not brought under their notice directly, and tbe fights sometimes take enough to foiler all tbo p’ints.” “Bo we!” replied tho young friend, and place in lreer balls iu the towns even. Gen thero was highly concentrated disgust in Ins erally, however, the students go several miles tone. “Wall, major, wo’iu a-.1 parin’ tho Hol away from the university, and the citizens ler Backs a little, an’as she heads now tbo discover that a mensur has beon going on only Daisy Cutters is iiein’ lorn up wnss’n a ton o’ by seeing the next day u number of students feathers in a hurricane! T is is tbo lieginnin* with gashed and bandaged faces walking tbe o’ the >i:zt’ innin’s, an’ tbo Daisy Cutlers has streets. Serious injuries are very rare in rolled up threo p’ints to tho Holier Backs’ duels with the schlaeger, and a student who forty two. O’ j , wo’m a-sweepin’ tho earth is really bloodthirsty when ho thinks lie has beon mortally offended resorts to the pistol with ’em!” “But I hain’t seen nobody bit Bill Simmons or curved sword, like a Turkish ci me tar. Only a few instances of fatal duels, even with yit, dod rot him!” said the Old Settler. ‘•Ye hain’t seen nobody hit Bill Simmons’” these, have occurred at the universities. Tbe exclaimed the Daisy Cutters’critic. “W’y. scldneger would be a weak weapon against a Solomon’s ghost! T. cy hain’t ben doin’ broadsword, or even a cavalry saber ora navy nothin’ else! Thev’v«' |M»unded bim, an’ ham cutlass. Fighting with it, the duelists must mered him, an’ > lugged him from tire won I not move from their positions, and there is, go. They’ve had him all over the field, an’ I consequently, little display of activity of tbe don't know but half a mile beyant it. Hit body. Tbe blow with the scblaeger is not a cut or a thrust. It is a cut with only about Bill Simmons! They’ve batted him sillv!” •‘An’ ho stnn’s thar yit an’ keeps on a play one foot of the end of tbo blade, which is all in'?’’ said tho Old Settler, in amazement. “I of tbe sword that is sharpened, and then a didn’t think Bill bad so much j^uno in him. twist of the wrist. Tbe wrist does all tbe Mebbo ’twere jist cz well th’t I didn’t lief to lighting. There arc only five cuts with these schlacger git up an’ show tbe Holler Backs how to hit. him. But, say, things can’t Ire again’ tbo for the student to learn. All the others are way Peleg an’ Snag<y Jones an’ Bill Sim variations. The first cut is directly for the mons bad it fixed for to go. Peleg’s tbo jim top of the head. If it hits, a piece of tho dandy short stop o’ tire Daisy Cutters, an’ flesh, and sometimes a part of the skull, Snagsy is tho kctcher that kin stop a cannon comes out. A cut for the forehead and nose ball. They bad it all made up to pound the is another. If it reaches tbe flesh a serious Holler Back pitcher ev’ry wh'ch wav, nil’ I wound and permanent disfigurement may comoover here a’most a purposo toscolbat follow. Duels have been known in which a Ire had fair play. So they c’neluded to let up a noso was sliced off completely, and hail to be sewed on again. Two more cuts are di on him, did i hoy !” “Oil, yes,” said tho friend of the Daisy Cut- rected at. the right and left sides of the face. t'»i*s, ironically. “They was too tender Ireartcd These blows may lay open the check, cut out to carry out the pro .era mine, they was. Hullo! the teeth, cut tho lips off or touch tho nose, here’s the Holler Backs got three mon on ns tbo sell Iaeger is made of such thin steel bases an’ another at the bat. Now, we’ll see that it bends around like a whip when a hit w’at (Ire pitcher th’t the Holler Backs couldn’t is made. Another, nnd the most difficult hit hit, an’ tho kctcher th’t, could stop a cannon to make, is un under cut, aimed at the chin ball, an’ the jim dandiest of all backups kin and mouth. It may do great mischief to all do for (heir country. But see that feller the lower part of tho lace, but it cannot whack (he ball! It’s a sky sernper, though, touch the jugular vein, as that is protected. an’ it’s gointer to drop right outer our center Altogether the sdblaeger is a mere brutal weapon of offonse, without any great |x>wer fielder!” “Jeowhizz!” exclaimed tho Ohl Settler. to kill, and dueling with it will continue as long as students at German universities re “Holler to him to git otiten tho way of it!” “But, great smoke!” said the excited friend gard tbo possession of strength and endurance of the Daisy Out ers. “W’at’s Snagsy Jones as tho only certiiieaies of honor.—Globe- an’ Bill Simmons an’ Peleg doin’! I’m a coon Democrat. skin nailed to a barn door if the kctcher, the A Younor Man of Nerve. pitcher, an’ tho shortstop hain’t all threo of “Speaking of nerve,” chimed in another ’em a leggin’ it to center iie'd to got a chance at that ball, an’ it’s a coinin’ straight down club man, “I will tell you a story cf a young man, the son of ono of our largest manufact inter center field’s bands!” “Bully for them!” shouted the Old Settler. urers, who displayed the greatest nerve of any man I ever Lear« I of. He was an officer “Thar’s game for ye! Riskin’ theirself to savo that little chap over that, that don’t in the navy, on one of the old hulks of our know r.o mor’n to jLt hoi’ his han’s up to’ard boasted wjundroii, which had the honor to that ball, w’en ho c’d git clean away fm it. escort Gen. Grant on some of his excursions Them bovs has got pluck, str, an’ ’ll paralyzo along the coast of China. The aforesaid bulk these IIoll r Backs yet, ’fore tbcy’indono with or vessei was off the const of Japan, in that most treacherous of all seas, caught in a ter ’em!” “Bang! goes Peleg plumb inter confer field, rific gale. Every th ng was done to make her an’ they both muff It!” yolled the homo club’s weather the sen, but the violence of the friend, and ho shook his (1st and gnushod his storm continued unabating, nnd it was found that the boat- would go to pieces. The officers teei h. “Hooray for Pole^l” cxc/aimoil the Old Set and seamen were called on dock, and it was tler. “Hooray for tire jim-dandy shortstop o’ the unanimous opinion that it was only a the Daisy Cut tore! lie’s got tho grit! Jist question of time, and a mighty short one. leavo it to him an’ he’ll sweep tho earth with when she would succumb to tho elements. Tho small boats were nil put in order, a stock tbo Holler Backs vit!” “Threo runs an’ a homo run?” shouted the of provisions was placed in each, and tire ofll- frantic friend of the Daisies, ns tbo Hollow cers and crew were parceled off for tho dif Backs’ four men scored, with no one to inter ferent boats. Everything was ready to put fere. “Threo men on bases nnd ono at the off nt a moment’s notice, and every ono was bat, nnd In to er, pitcher nil’ shortstop p'nyin* expecting a terrible struggle for life, if not iu center Geld I Let^ finish these Daisy Cut death by drowning. “The suspense was something impossible to ters!” Tho Old Settlor was borne along in the conceive unleus one lias hud n similar experi ence. A man cau look forward to being crowd of excited backers of the homo chib, as they rushed toward tbo p'nyei-s. The next hung or shot with comparative intrepidity, thing be saw was ono howling youth and Bill but to face drowning is a torture of the soul Simmo s rolling over and over on t bo ground most harrowing. This young man knew no and Bill getting the worst of it;another youth fear, never knew any, und probably never holding Snagsy Jones to the earth and {»eg will. He was born fearless and Ire cannot ging it into him with bot h fists, while other help it. While a’! the other officers ami mon mcmljers of tho Daisy Cutters were tearing were on clock ready and waiting to jump in away in all directions, with yelling i ursuers their boats, he quietly remarked “that ns as their heels. Tire Old Seitier looked around there seems to bo nothing else to do, I’ll go in surprise for Peleg, and saw his red shirt, down and tiiko a nap.” And lie went down dbappear over a fence a quarter of a mile to bis cabin and went to sleep. Fortunately away, on the nearest, cut for homo. The Old the vessel rmle out- of the storiu in a few Settler, fbniowhat dazed and muddled over hours and was safe. This young man of tho sudden termination of tho match, stood nerve was tbo hero of those terribly anxious hours, and liis brother officers delight to re aloof from tho melee nnd mired: “I can't e’zac’ly understaii’ it,” ho said, “but peat how he said “ns there seems nothing else fin ap|K‘Prances I sli’d judgo th’t some o’ our to do, I’il go down and take u nap.’’ - Chicago nine must ha’ made a wrong move, some Journal. how.” TT cim I IVnltcr to Illa StniT. Dy and by ponce was restored, nnd Dill “Now, if a porgoii • rders a pot of coffee, Simmons and Bungay Jones, with bloody don’t bring up cold milk unless it is called no«cs nnd gorgeous baseball suits torn nnd dirty, wore the only ones of tbo Daisy Cut for. Bring up hot mill; with coffee and cold tors who were present when tho umpire de milk with tea. Al ways Herve pulverized sugar with tomatoes, lettuce, and cracked ice with clared tho winners by a score of 47 to 3. cucumbers and tomatoes. Watermelon, Peleg had a pcor ni pctito for supper that muskmelon and berries, of course, OTcuing. After supper, when tho Old Settler cantaloupe, bad taken his place ou tho back stoop, ho need milk or cream nnd pulvurized sugar. A dessert knife und fork and powdered sugar called Peleg nnd said: ‘ Git tbe {»¡teller, sonny, an* go down an’ should go with all pastries, while a small piece of American dice*» is in order with all git me a quart o’ cider to the tavern.” of pie. Many men never think of such ••I can’t. grand{>oj»,” said Peleg, pcovishly. a kinds thing as putting mustard on tbo table. “I’m tired.” Some people like it. There are very few wbo “Wqs it a helpin’to sweep tire earth with tbo Holler Backth’t tired ye?” asked tbo Old have yet learned that n boiled potato is Settler, “or wus it tho run I soo ye makin’ projrer with baked I rem is. Don’t cover the bread pinto with a napkin; it looks ns if there ton n Is”----- “Where’s tho pitcher,grandpop!” said Peleg were dirt or »lust around. This matter of laughing nnd fooling don’t make a waiter. I quickly, jumping from Lis chair. should stop it. ‘Tn tho pantry, sonny.” I “All cold meats ought to be garnished with Tho next mimito P< log was on his way after the cider. Tho Old Settlor chuckled ns parsley, lettuce or celery. Bo careful id rent leaving your ••*'!<» towels around. Anotbtr bo said: “The jim dandy short stop o’tho Daisy Cut man comes along with something to wipo, ters is a little sensitive, Dm afrer<l, orcr his and ho don’t know whether it hns been lying day’s sport in Sheep Sorrel medder. T’-inor- there for twenty seconds or twenty years. It row r.i'.’ht 1’le want foiiio new smokin’ L’bnck- er, an’ I’ll a>t Peleg if the Ilol.'er Backs made is a good plan not to wipe your face with tin apron or towel, nor to l»e too familiar with out to hit Bill Simmons. Ila! ha! ha!” 'i ho Old Settler wr a laughing yet when the proprietor. I uover nllow myself even to Peleg pot back with tho ciucr.—Ed Mutt in drink a glass of lemonade with him. Now York Sun. “If you set* that n guest of tire house wishes to Lre waited ou by a particular man with whom bo is nequaintcsl always give way p»> Taming Common Ilotiso Flics. aDi<l I ever «eo a tamo fly! What aro you litely nnd without confusion. A waiter trying to giro nre—n new joke! No; I never suould always keep his eye caxt toward the door instead of out of tbe window. Be care saw a tame fly. Did you!” ful, in serving any kind of ‘fizz’ wines, to “Of courso I did!” I»our them out carefully. In serving old “Was be dead!” “Now. don’t Ire fanny. This is no joke. winos never wipo off tho du«t from tbe bot Como with inc, and if I don’t show you a tle. Never wi|>e off tbe lalrel, and be sure to -Low the label to th** gentiomeii in order tliut tsmo fly I’ll put up tho drinks.” The reporter follow«! the two men who there may be no mistake. ’—Cleveland Plain participate»! in tbo foregoing dialoguo Into a dealer. saloon on Parle row. At tho request of one flow Gold engravers Save Soin«* Money. of lire men ibc bartender produced from “Would you believe,” said an engraver < f wider a glass a iiy which ho poi-ed on tire end of hi5» finger and otherwise caressed in a play gold watch case«, “that tbe water ir wbkh I fill manner. The* fly made no attempt to get wn*h my face nnd bonds every evening ju t away and seemed to appreciate tho attention before leaving tbe shop is kept by my employ ere, ami afterward strained tnrough a sieve: bos-owed on it. “I never saw anything like this before,” It arems incredible; still it’snfart. Other «aid tire bartender. “This fly has Ireen around wi-e the firm would kse a v;.lu.»blo amount tbe specks of gold that we Irero for about two weeks. I feed it with of gold. You <ngar, nr.il it seems quite happy.”—New York clip off fasten themselves to our bands and laces, nnd sometimes fly into our hair nr fall Evening Sun. tn our aprons. In a sltop containing a big corp« of engravers the amount which thus » A Submarine Tramway. sprinkle* tbo workmen reaches a high value A submarine tramway h tn be constructed iu a few days. in Normandy. It will run along tire sands “Tbe water in which our apron* are wasbe«* lietweeii tbo writering places of Deauville, Is s’rained In the same way. Our aprons an Villen, Ciltf’urg and H*>ulgate during tire furnished us by the flrm. Wo are never per bathing M*:iwn, from July to October Tbe nutted to take them out of tbe shop. My em rails will be {Hilled up for tire winter. Tl>e»e ployer* thu* save fully $2,UOO a y«ar."—Nee ■ and» nro dry nt |<>-.v water, so there will I m York Evening Sun. di.U ul'y in making tbe tramwny. wLiate is m U driven by sttnm.—Cid ag> — .. NO. 32 < One BQ ilare or le68. one insertion............... $1 00 One eq tiare, each subsequent insertion.... 50 Noticesuf appointment and final settlement 5 00 Other legal advertise menta. 75 cent« for first insertion and 40 cents per square for each sub* sequent insertion. Special business notices in business columns. 10 cents per line. Regular business notices, a . cents pur line. Professional cards, |12 per year. Special rates for lartre display ’‘ads.1 STILLWATER’S SENATOR. Some of E. W. Durant's Jokes Told at Long Branch. PERFUME MANUFACTURE, Methods Employed to Extract the LA11- <ate Odor of Flowers. Pomades are tho commercial vehicla for absorbing and transporting tho per fumes of the jonquil, tuberose, jasmine and a few other species of flowers. A square fraqpt, or chassis of white wood, and about twenty by thirty inches in size, is set with a pane of strong plato gla-s. On each side of the glass is spread a thin, even layer of grease, which has been puritied and refilled. Thus prepared, the frame* aro piled up in ranks six or seven feet high to await tho season of each special flower. When tho blossoms arrive, the potal* aro picked from the stom—tho pistils and stamens being discarded—anti laid so as to cover the grease in each frame. These being again piled so as to rest upon their wooden edges, which tit closely together, there is formed a series of tight chambors, tho floors and ceil ings of which aro of grea-o, ayposed to tlie perfume of tho tlower-11*NUB within. The grease absorbs tho perfume, tho spent flowers are removed daily and fresh ones supplies), and this procoss goes on from two tofonr or five months, according to tlio desirod strength of tbo pomade, which, when sufficiently charged with perfume, is taken from tlie glass with a wide, thin spatula, and packed in tin cans for export Bj- those methods, tho delicate odors of flowers aro extracted and retained fortranspirt to distant m irkots, where, being treated with alcohol, they yield their perfume to that stronger vehicle, and produce tlio floral waters and ex LITTLE LAUGHS. tracts of oomtuoroe. Coarser pomades are made by boiling A little _ girl, who wntited to describe the ltaent miiidetlitoHS of bur uncle, said: “Ills the (}owen> in tho grease, and subject temember is so tired that bo has to uso his ing tho rosiduo to pressure. Tho spent forgot all tho time,”—Boston Journal. pomades aro use I for toilet-purposes “Mamma,” said little Floosie, who was and in the manufacture of titre soaps. more or lew busy at her moraing toilet, “can Tlie process of preparing perfume I I kiss Fido on tlie nose!" “Yes,” replied the indulgent mother, who was feeding Fido a oils involves the sama principle except Freueh chop, ‘-but uot until you uro di-essod, that, instead of solid grease, superfine ionr, and liuve your face washed."—Now olive oil is uso l. With this oil, pieces York Sun. of coarse cotton fabric are saturated, “tVliat a splendid i>arrot that la of Brown’s! which aro then spread upon wire notting So intelligent, you know!” “Intelligout! stretched in worxlen frames about three IVby, ono would ulinoet think him human. by four feet in size. The flowers are Ho repeats everything bo hears."—Boston spread upon the saturated cloths, and Traveler. the frames aro piled one above the other, In tho island of Sumatra a flower grows so that tho perfume of tho flowers is which is idno feet in circuinfereni'o and absorbed as in the previous process. weighs fifteen pounds. When a Sumatra Essences and ••flower waters” are ludo goes to th« theatre bo has his bouton produced by ordinary distillation, in niere brought in by au able bodied valet,— which the flowers aro boiled in water in New York Tribune. large alembics. Tho vapor carries off In tho west "rnziooper" has taken tho piner the perfume, and is condensed in ad of the word boom. joining copper tanks, like ordinary The manager of a Los Angeles newspaper spirits. Some of the retorts used for tins sent out the following lot ice on a [metal card: purpose are of sufficient size to receive ‘1 lie real estate boon, has nibbed ns of our at once half a ton of fresh flowers, with editor, printer and ofllco boy, and tho num- the requisite water forth -ir distillation. sger having o[iened a real estate ofilee, it bus When “flower waters” are to be pro ’locomo lieceshary to sus[>eiid tbo publication duced, alcohol is used in the distilling nf this journal until all bauds have bocomo tank to receive tlw pertumes.- millionaires, which, of course, will bo in the —Is tho-e a grace more desirable near future. Until then fraternally yours."— Exchange. than that which is the essence and the Long John Wentworth, of Chicago, says spirit of the Golden Rule—a spirit ‘tlio suniiners nowadays nro nothing. On which shelter* Ignorance from tora- June 88,1843,’ he continues, “I was living uient, while it strives to remove it; a on tbe Cooley farm, near where Kinsley’s restaurant now stands. It was so hot that spirit which seeks to make every one in wo bad to bang tbo thermometer in tbe well the cir&c of k* influence feel that he and keep fanning it to prevent it from burst- has a friend whose heart and mind ar* ■ng.”—Exchange. conservatories sheltering the flowsrsof Mr. Carter Harrison was on» day talking kindliness and sympathy P— Youth'» iljout tho boys of Chicago whom ho know. Golden Hour». After naming scores of them and dwelling on —Some experienced educators think the characteristics of each ho said: “And then there’s my boy Cato.” For u moment that a good many teachers in the pub ho pau-ed and then added: “Well, Cato Har lic schools make a mistake in not urg rison’s the only boy in Chicago whom 1 don’t ing tho scholars to talk more—the la know I”—Now York Tribune. conic reply of “yes” or “no” cu ths part of a scholar not being conducivo A I*reNi<l«*nt’s Precaution. to the pr-cess of thinking. Questions Cashier—Mr. Draft, I wish a vacation. _ A brother of mine is to bo married at Montreal should be put in eu h a manner by the the last nt next week, and I hope to be pres tanchor that tho pupil will bo bound to uit at the wedding. use one or more sentences, thus exer Bank President—Very well, I’ll see if we cising tho mind more and acquiring a ran arrange it. bettor knowledge of tho construction of C.—Thank you. the English language. B. P. (returning to his private offlro and —A citizen stopped one of our pas accosting bis secretary)—William, I wish you to call in Mr.---- , tbo expert accountant who tors a few days ago and offered him a examined the bank’s books last year, and tell five-dollar bill, saving: “I was at your him I will require bis services for u few days; church last Sunday, the first time I and also step into Pinkerton’s and have them have been in church for soveral years, »end to me one of their most capable and and I liked yotir sermon so well that I trustworthy detectives.—Boston Budget. want to pay for what I enjoyed.” In quiry brought out the fact that he had A Tiresome Evening. been of another denomination, and th* Omaha Girl—Isn’t Mr. I)e Blank funny! Omaha Youth—I noticed you seemed to pastor declined the money, but put think so. him on the track of having a seat as “Why, ho baa kept us laughing half the signed him to occupy regularly in th* evening. Didn’t you enjoy bis wltT Evangelical Church of hi* order.— “I found it very tiresome.” ••Tiresome! Ob, you don’t mean it. I Hartford Helioiou» Herald. know you have a keen appreciation of humor. Why didn’t you enjoy Mr. De Blank’s jokes f’ ‘•Well, tbo fact is, he takes the samo funny (taper that 1 do.”—Omaha World. E. W. Durant, Stillwater’s senator and joker, bos been on a summer trip to the soa- •bore with bis wife, and if the stories that come floating in from Long Brauch ora all ruo he bad a good time. One day at table a big mosquito of the Jersey breed lighted on the senator’s band. Willi an expression of horror and amazement ou bis countenance tbe senator beckoned to a waiter and in quired: “What is this animal!” “What is it! Why, it’s a skoeter*" Didn’t /ou over see a skeeterl” replied tbo waiter. “Kill it!’’ commanded Durant. Tbo waiter obeyed. “Remove the corpee.” Tbo waiter gave the senator’s band a brush with a napkin. “Well, I never saw anything like that be fore!” solemnly remarked the gentleman, who bad Iteen fighting musquitoes at Still water all bis life. On another occasion at tablo Mr. Durant observed sitting near him quite an old gentle- nan accompanied by a pretty young lady, who be correctly surmised was the old gen .Ionian’s bride. They were on their wedding ‘■rip. Tbo senator gave his wifo the wink and oegan to guy the ill assorted pair. “Aro you enjoying your wedding trip with me,” ho remarked to Mrs. Durant, “as well as you did t bo ono you took with your first hus* >and C He heard tbe old gentleman mutter be tween bis teeth: “That’s a devil of a quest ion to ask a woman in this place.” Tbo Stillwater senator gained fresh inspira tion from this, and the way bo played the game of a second husband on a wedding trip was a surprise to the whole table. The old man and bis darling, however, failed to relish it, and blushed with un intensity that caused the ico cream to melt. — St. “ Paul Pioneer Press. . fluffirlently Descriptive. To Regulate A wee maiden, os many other Fmall chil dren bavo done, had the misfortune to fall down stain» the other day, and In landing at the foot that part of the anatomy commonly denominated tbe “funny bone” came In con tact with tbo wall with more force than was calculated to make a comfortable impression On being plck<*d up and nuked If she war hurt, she rubired her arm for a moment and mid: “No, but my elbow is awful dizzy.”— Buffalo Courier. Down et Long Branch. Highwayman—Hold up your bandsl Bill, cover him with that ere gun. Now, sir, shell out. Gamboge (with a hollow laugh)—My dear fellow, I’ve been here four week*. Bill (in the bushes)—Let bim pa««, Jim. lie ain’t got nothin’ valuable about him.— Philadelphia Call. A Toor Fvcnsr I« Heller Than Mont, Jock—El bel, Pm Mhamad of you. I naw that Frenchman in the conservatory kiwlng yon irpsatwliy. Why didu'l you tell him to .topi Etlwl—I couldn’t. Jack. Ja k—You couldn't! Why n.-.tl Ethel—I can’t speak French.—Ju lg*. !*•». !t eor- ch. rreetetm • thw Furred By MoonIIgt.U Mr. B —I think 1 fancy guitar mn«tc bent by moonlight; don't yon think it lovely! Misa L. (of Cui agoj—Ay, yes; bls walls»» are certainly divine, are they not!— Judge I-ovrw Iler for Her Worth. Jotrn think* li!a girl the pride of wtb-— He picture» l^r in glowing rol rs, Ind k>re» her for lirr inn«)ect worth •todd to bo ibirtt Uimuaml Oohar«). -w« Sinmoss [¡to Regulator. eete aito rr Z < ZEIUH à PKKA, •!.««, fk. - - ’