f — f HE TELEPHONE. Í THE TELEPHONE DEMOCRATIC PUBLISHED VERY FRIDAY ! RATB8 OF ADVEHTISINQr MORNING. PUBLICATION OFFICE: Dcor North of cor er Ihird and E Eta, M c M innville , t > r . ÖUBSCRIPTION RATES: WEST SIDE TELEPHONE. (IN ADVANCE.) i year............. mouths......... eu months.... MCMINNVILLE, OREGON, NOVEMBER 11, 1887. VOL. II. stoves : BILL N y E. Tlio ’’ Dolony lletlna Atl.lc. to His Son on How to ltuu a Newspaper. M y D eaii S on —Your first letter written since you starte.1 your jwper at Now Bolony was received yesterday. We felt glad to bear tbut you were located ia a business for your­ self, und it made mo feel proud to pet a copy of the puper which you call Tho Itetiua. I do not know why you call it Tho lletina. CABBIES THE FTHSTIEIST HITsTIE OF Still Tbo Bolony lletina sounds kind of ful- somo and didactic. lletina, I alnays supi>osed, was kind of a mistical term, and I would bo just fool enough if I started a paper to call it The Sciatica or Tho Polypus at Work. Il’s wouderful how people run to new namre theso days, and u plain man with a common wbool oduci&lou has to go groping along through tho workl tho best ho can. I presume that, with your thorough ami florid eduitation, such a word ns lletina don’t stump you lor a minute, but with mo it’s different. I am a rough, hard working man anil always lwen busy all my COME AND SUBSCRIbt $1,50 A YEAR. life. One of tho ueighl,oi-s asked mo night before last w hy I hadn’t joined tho Ilnights of Labor, and I told him that I'd always licen too busy. It's a fact, too. I've always been so con­ stantly employed that I couldn't belong to a 87 Washington St., Portland, Oregon. labor organization and give it tho attention it ought to have. I lilio tbo tone of your editorial pioco, on tho inside of your paper, which is entitle-i, “Salutatory.” I like it where it goes on to say as follows: “Wo shall strive, in season and out of season, to advocate the resources and liabilities of New Bolouy as a health resort ami «-«-nnty Of all Grades and the Latest Eastern Styles----- seat. Our voire will ever bo heard in clarion tones, putting its shoulder to tho wheel of progress and tramping on oppressing with SAMPLES LÆ7VIJLETD OLT APPLICATIONS both feet. “Wo shall send The Retina to every quarter of the globe, so that New Boiony, with its ÏÆ’EÆIISrTsrVIIuLE wealtli of picturesque valley, hill and dale, Tall Oaks From Little Acorns together with its now court bouse and health Grow. giving atmosphere, will be known of where- over the English language is spoke. With brains and skill and patient will. “It is true that the editor of this paper has Winch shows'theni great painstakers! just oinoi'ged from college, anil is still young; The Wagon that has pleased the world. but ho lias had some experience in writing Was made by S tudebakers ‘í* Ï for a collage paper, and ho knows wbat the The Country grew with rapid strides; C. H. FLEMING, Prop. needs and tho wants of the peoplo uro. Ho is J'he West with teeming acres. aware that tlio class of reailere who will peruso K ai Ill . kinds . of _ fancy .... ..... hair cutting done in Was in a quandry what to do! Tho Retina will not bo so refined or cultivated, Till relieved by .S tudebakers . Mbe latest and neatest style perhaps, as his collego readers were; but ho All kinds of fancy hair dressing and hair So, with Iron and Wood and labor good, will try to make himself understood, and we ¡Bying. a specialty .Special attention given Though they have many Imitators; think wo will bo successful, If you want the Wagon that’s best on earth I “Wo shall constantly improvo The Retina, Just buy of S tudebakers . Ladies' and Childrens’ Work as growing business and patronage may war­ ’nioral is plain, which you may know* [ also have for sale a very fine assort- The rant, so that in a few years our readers will And if you look, you may see also, me int i of hair oils, hair tonics, cosmetics, etc That the largest Oaks from Acorns grow; look back on this first copy with ill-coucealcd f I have in connection with my parlor, The same as the S tudebakers . mirth. Wo ore already figuring oil a dark • the largest and finest stock of blue job press and a rublicr door mat for the office, bearing the legend ‘Welconio’ iu large gothic extendod letters. Ever in the city. “We shall espouse tho cause of no party or ’T hird S treet M c M innville , O regon faction for tho present, preferring to reninin AMITY, OREGON. neutral for the time being, hopping on to the erroneous, over and anon, however, as cir­ may arise which will seem to call SAM LIKENS, Proprietor. cumstances on us for a word of reproof, admonition or Blacksmithing and carriage ironing of encouragement. Wo shall not niako any ---- AGENT FOR----- boasts or fill tlio air with bombast nt this every description. time, but when hydra beaded wrong emerges | k FRANK BRO’S, implement Co. from its liolo the casual observer will see us Horse Shoeing knock seventeen distinct varieties ot tar out AT----- of said hydra headed wrong, and those who And plow work a specialty. carefully observo our cotirso whilo conduct­ ing Tlio Retina will notice that there aro no ----- O----- flies on it. Also manufacture the “Wo have quite anumlier of our brat essays ■ Will be found a complete stock of and prepared while wo were attend­ ¿W“Cclebratad Oregon Iron Harrow, ing orations school and college, which will appear BUFORD plows, inc'uilins; the Carbon­ from time to time in these columns. They aro GIVE ME A CALL. 50tf ate Steel plow, and SMITH'S Patent carefully and exhauslively written, and en­ Walking Gang. These plows are some- tirely cover the ground. Among these wc may name tlio following titles: n^w and useful and il costs M c M innville ••Tuo American Indian—His Glorious Past and Hotliing to try them. Also the new HA­ Opaque Future. VANA Press Drill, call and look before “Tho Caro and Discipline of Children from an buying elsewhere. I am also prepared Unpartisan Standpoint. “The Disngreeablif Results of Criino—Neces­ to furnish castings and steam fixtures sity for Exerciso Among tho La­ On short notice. sep23tf Cor Third and D streets, McMinnville boring Classes. “Demosthenes as an Off Hand Speaker. THE OLD RELIABLE “How to lloclnim Giddy Parents—Where is Your Parent To-Night! “Criticisms on tho Present Imperfect Plan of Salvation. Proprietors “Duty of Wives— What Constitutes a Good Wifo. “George Washington and tho Misery He En­ ^GALLOWAY & GOUCHER. Props. I tailed Upou tho Youth of America by Telling tbo Truth and Af­ terward Becoming tho ^Bhis warehouse has been thoroughly reno- K Vated and overhauled, and new accom­ Father of His modations added. Country. “All tiiese essays ore well written, end would bo highly ornamental to any flist class magazino lit tbo land, but wo uro here to give satisfaction iu our now field, and tho best wo K Direct Shipments to San Francisco. have over written is none too good for the lone but standard Calcutta «Sacks kept Third Street, between E and F peoplo of Now Bolony. Wo aim to please. and let on the most reasonable terms. "With regard to prohibition, wo shall be I outspoken at all times. As for ourself we McMinnville, Oregon. can uso prohibition or we can let it alono. For tbo present wo prefer to touch not, taste STOBAG-E 3 CEKTS. not, handle uot tho unclean thing. Wo favor a high luxinso with low retail prices. ThL« gradually busts up tbo dealer and finally iI wi[>estbis curse from tbo face of tho earth First-class accommodations for Commer­ w ith the besom of statutory wrath. Besoms cial mcn and generai travel. of statutory wroth carefully printed at this Proprietor of the Transicnt stock well cared for. <«Sco cm short notice. “In dosing wo will state that Tbo Re tins Everything new and in First-Class Order sttrte oi»t with a liberal patronago anti bos Patronage respectfully solicited Ilf coins to stay. Wo use this last term with the pcriAission of the man who mode it. The leading “Win expeset cur new navy bluo jobber in a few w.scks, ,snd Ml tie boys in town who wi :li to see Low a newspuixir is mado, and who would like to contribute a thumb or two out -OF- of tbeir Itlio collodion, may come and monkey w ilb tho new pre« at any time. We will return thoir thumbs to them at the end ---- TrfE LEADER IN----- of tho week.” Third Street. McMinnvil'e Or. I liko tho tone of this piece as a general thing, though I am sorry to hear you allude to your hlx:ral patronage and by tho same mail get a request for more funds. I will zead you what money I can spore, hoping You want any thing in the line of chat you will soon get on y-xir feet again. I suppesa veu w.U Io running for congress ■ tho next thing, an«l then you will forget all Opposite Orange Store McMinnville. Or. about vonr old father, and lnrrow money ot people''v. Lo haven't felt near iho interest to you that I havo. Send the piper for one year and charge price. You may me with tlio ' subecription ‘ « w Call at the office of the WEST also put a piece in your paper slating as blDE TELEPHONE. We follow»: will guarantee you VCR SALE. —Dealer in all kinds of— Owing to ill health I will sell at my jg gov. riemcnt survey, one «-rushed raxpberi y rolortfi «sow, aged » years. Gbo is a good We make a specialty ol Fina nulk-ter, mil is not af.aid of tho rars—or —Goods sold at— anything eh<«. Slie is a cow of undaunted courage kiKl Gives milk frequently. To a man who does net fear death in any form she The Lowest Cash Price would lo a great boon. 81» is very much attache 1 to her l.'UTo at present, by means of —And— a trace chain, but >ibe will bo sold to any one S, A. YOUNG, M. 0. who will ugrco to treat her right. 81» is one- fourth shorthorn and thrce-iourtlis hyena Physician & Surgeon. Purehaacr nee 1 not lo identified. I will else ia a double Ixirrel shotgun which goes McMtWNTTTTr, - • • O bigox . To all persons residing within city limits. throw with her. In May sho generally goes away aomewbero for a week cr two aid ret urns vOfWcB otti-rtsiflençf. «TT !> ftteet. All with a tall, red calf, with long, wabbly ’.eg». eait»1sr ® i*ty'Bn«wered day or night. Her name is Rose, end I would prefer to seu I.”- c ’ r ' tow to a nsu resident._________ Dealer in You may keep this notice in ymr paper till you sell 11» cow. Wo small prettv w«. , and . bone your paper will 1» self sustah.ing. If I had lour or Are boy»all engagedin Harness. Saddles, Etc, Etc, running ncnspnpeis that bad liberal ratron- PHOTOGRAPHER. a-e I don’t believe l'.l have money enough to Repairing neatly done al reninz'j'S ' P=r my poll tax. But I must now clo-o by ratea » raviaa- ao-kw. •• th« "/»■ Wrljrht’e new building. I »« _ _ -re. Corner TulrX, U Cblrago Now» •ad F (treats, MeXwurule. Or. MeM.anrlUe, Oregvu S. A. MANNING •TOVES the county, the new acorn . hese stoves, without doubt, are the best ove manufactured. One of these stoves will 3 given to the new cash subscriber to the elephone who guesses nearest its weight. QR OH Stove iziven away. JU.UU Scliofield. & Ntorgran all and Ceiling Papers 'ONSORIAL PARLOR, aving, Hair Cutting and- - - - - - - - Shampoing Parlors. E1 O CIGARS New Blacksmith Shop ! J. SMITH, ¡MITH’S Machine Works LOGAN BROS., & HESDERSOI, \ |Highest Cash Pritts Paid for Grain. CITY STABLES, Honest Weight. Fair Dealing. WM. HOLL, JEWELRY I ■■ Henderson Bros. Props. ESTABLISHMENT. YAMHILL COUNTY, “WHEN” MILLINERY, Bair weaving and Stamping. Job Printing D. 1. Caldwell! Flour and Feed Book and Card Printing. Delivered Free t Lyle Wri a^ht W. V. PRICE, Cp Stain in Adans' Building, A BATTLE IN TUE SAND. AN ALASKAN POTLATCH How the Auk ami Sitka Indians Adjust Their Tribal Differeuces. THRILLING NICHT’S EXPERIENCE ON THE PLAINS OF ALGIERS. A Long urid Perilous lllilo for I.lfo and Victory Aguiust a float of Uostilo Arab*—A Llfo Laid Down for a l'ellow Mao. While acting as newspaper correspondent j in Algeria, says Robert Dano, I bad one ex- perieuco, at least, that has always seemed to , mo worth telling. I had been down to the coast, to the town of Algiers, after six months’ campaigning at tho front against tlio Arabs, and was to join tbo Ninth brigado of Chasseurs of Africa, under Col. Lascelles, at a town in tho interior called Martiiano, on tbo 18lh of September. But having a good deal of correspondence, both private and of a business nature, to get eff, it was the morn­ ing of tho 20th when my factotum, Fabrino, and myself rode into Martirano, only to find for once that a brigade of French troops had started on tho date set, and, as I learned, from some friendly Arabs who camo iu, were encamped at the Seven Stones pool, a snot sixty-lour miles from tbo town. Theso friendly Arabs also informed mo that the brigade of Col. Izascelles was pretty thorough­ ly cut off from the main body by roving parties of hostile», all, hotvever, acting on ono plan .mid under tho direction of one leader. Here was the deuce to |>uy—a pros­ pect of action, of seeing service and gather­ ing news that no other London paper would get, was too good to throw away, so Fabrino and myself held a conversation and, much against his advice and inclination, we de­ cided to risk it. Fabrino was a little, dark skinned, slight Franco-Arab, of oft tried courage, great coolness, and devoted to me. I knew that I could trust him in any event, and te.l.ng him to muke the horses ready, proceeded to overhaul my revolvers and re­ load them carefu.ly, for thero was every pro­ bability of my needing them before the night ride was over. At 5 p. m. Fabrino reported everything ready, and a little before 8 wo rode out south­ ward toward the desert. We were both mounted on Arab horses, mine being full bred, and it hud been given me by one of the friendly Arab chiefs, in whoso tents I had once spent three months. Fabrino’s was a half breed Arab, and a «plendid goer. We had agreed to push straight through, stopping for no bait, and paying attention to no Arabs, be they friendly or hostile. Fabrino assured me that our horses could do the sixty uiiles by morning, and though 1 rather doubted it, it was our only chance, and I was determined to w ork that only chance for nil it was worth. Mile after mile passed in silence, save the muffled sound of our horses’ feet in the sand. It was a starlight night, but there was no moon, and there could not have been a better night for an expedition of this kind. Once in passing some tamarisk there was a hail in Arabic, but we only bent lower on tho necks of our horses and sped on, and after we hud gone half tho distanco or thereabouts we halted at a water hole, reconnoitering care­ fully, before finally riding up to it, for fear of finding ourselves in the midst of an Arab vidette—I had bad nn uneasy feeling for the last few miles—and now that tbo hoof beats were stilled I could distinctly bear tbo sound of horsemen at some distanco behind us. Fabrino heard it, too, and told mo bo had heard it for some time. Thero was nothing for it but to pre s on. Tightening tho girths wo swung ourselves into the saddle, loosened our pistols so that they might be easily drawn, gathered up the reins, and tho horses started neck and neck with a rush. Wo ha«l not gone a niilo from the pool when a flash on our right forewarned us of tho bullet that immediately whizzed over our beaus. Following Fabrino’s lend I shied off toward tho left, and tlio Arabs at once broke cover and came on in pursuit. Looking over my shoulder I could see the two fleetest mounted ns they tore on in our rear. Fabrino and I pulled our horses down a little, and, turning in our saddles, took as deliberate aim as was possible in the uncertain light and at the speed we were going, and gave them a volley from our heavy cavalry pistols we carried in our holsters. One of the white burnouses, that indicated their whereabouts, dlsap|>eared, the other wavered a moment or two and then pulled down to wait for bis comrades. Drawing long breaths of relief, we turned forward again only to find the starlit plain ahead of us dotted with moving figures. I know I gavo a g:»sp, and I beard Fabrino mutter “Sacro bleu I” with a vigor that only a Frenchman can attain. Then, without words, wo bore away to the right, where tbo horsemen not being so close togctlier, thero seemed the better chance to | escape. Wo could see them swinging tbeir i lances and tho scimiter Lknles flashed in tbo I starlight, as forcing our liorses to their ut­ { most wc thundered down on the enemy. I Revolver in hand, wo reserved our fire i until certain of our aim. I discharged my i first barrel as a dusky scoundrel's scimiter circled over my bead, and lived two or three ! times more, striving to make every bullet ' count Suddenly I felt a searing sensation on my left shoulder, and then, using my spurs for tbo first time and sending them home, [ now with ft will, I sprang clear of the conflict. I Tbo pain of my wound had turned mo sick and faint for a tinio. When I camo to I was alono on the desert. Fabrino nor tbo Avails | wero anywhere to le seen. A few hours after daybreak I rodo into our outposts, hav­ ing ridden fifty-eight miles on the ono horse si neo sundown the night before. Tbo out- l>ott party wero surprised to aeo me, and plac­ ing mo on a litter cat t ied mo to headquarter», wbero tho surgeon bound up niy wound, which he pronounced painful but not danger­ ous, and Col. Lascelles gavo mo a hearty welcome, and, what I was badly in need of, something to eat and drink. Fabrino I never beard of more, but have no doubt that seeing mo struck with a Janco Lo desperately closed with our cnenii' a and sacrificed himself that I ndglit escape. Fabrino bad been an awful blackguard in bis life, but what man can do more, good or Lad, than lay down Lis life for Lis fellow man?—Buffalo News. On Sunday las' five canoes of Sitka Indians arrived at the Auk village, just alxjve town. It was tbo occasion of no little excitement among the Auks, for the Sit kuns, as is usual upou such visits, made a demaud of 12G blankets os a remuneration for injuries u member of their tribe had received two yean ago while engaged in a cut aud slash with au Auk Indian, in which the Sitkan got decid­ edly tho worst of tho battle. The Auks rt\ fused to accede to the demand, the result of which was a general go-as-you-please, in which kniv.s took a prominent part as set tiers of the dispute. During tho melee one of the Auks received a severe cut on the hand, upon which he set up a bowl demanding pay from tbo Sitka ns for the wound ho had re­ ceived ut their bands. It now being a stand­ off, iu that members of l»oth triiies had re­ ceived injuries one from the other, peace was declared, providing the Auks would tender to their visitors a grand potlatch (feast and dance). The Auks, who are a weaker tribe than the Sitkans, consented, ami accordingly on Wednesday evening last tho ball was opened. About one o a year theSitknns come over ami run a bluff on their weaker neigh­ bors, during which they make lovo to their most buxom squaws and gorge themselves until tho lardoi’s of their hosts aro well nigh exhausted. Upon tlieovcmng of the danco tbo whites of Juneau were informed of the occasion and requested to come as spectators. Tho band boys, for the novelty of the tiling, determined to serenado tho sons of tho forest and open up their ball in a stylo that Mr. Lo had never seen tho like of before. Accordingly the band and white spectators formed tbo line of march at tho outskirts of the village and, to tho tune of “Prisoner’s Mope” and “Marching Through Georgia,” marcbod up through the village, coming to a halt in front cf Chief Cow-ee’s residence. Although tho odor of dried salmon and seal greaso somewhat choked tbo players, tney managed t,o finish tho strain. The old chief gave them a warm welcome and extended to the band tho great honor of leading forth the dancers, who wero already costumed and ready. Tho band again formed tbo lino of march, with tbo war chief, Cow Deck, in front as drum major, cud about twenty-fl vo Indian dancers, hideously painted and dressed in costumes in imitation of the bear, fox, eagle, swan, goose and other animals, inters parsed throughout with bits of bright coloring, bringing up tbo rear. Tbo procession camo to a stop In front of tbo ball, a snako cabin tome 20 by 40 feet. Upon tho floor inside, packed as close ns sar­ dines in n*box, sat men, women and children. Two rows of squaws occupy tbo front, who in perfect tune and with powerful exercise of their lungs sing a chorus to tho chant of the dancers. At a given signal from the chief, who acts as floor manager, the music strikes up; tlien there follows a flourish of swan wings, and tbo dancers commence singing and dancing. Tho excitement gradually in­ creases until they fairly howl, some barking like dogs, some growling like bears. They grin and gnash their teeth, and contort their bodies in all shapes that their joints and muscular development will admit of. Sweat begins to oozo from every pore in their bodies. Ono strives to outdo tho other, for ho is considered the best dancer who can bowl tho loudest, grin the fiercest and contort the most. After tbo first set is finished a bucket of water is passed around, from which each dancer takes an enormous pull, all drinking out of the bucket, and after about a minute's rest tho same performanco above described is gone through with.—Alaska Free Press. Queer Saving Process, For several months Pot r Horndyko, a well known gohl miner of tho San Junn country, ha9 been coming to Durango on weekly visits, buying all tho beef hides bo could find. As bo took tlio bides mountain- wnrd, many wondered to what purpose they were being put. A reporter met Mr. Horn­ dyke mid bluntly nsked him whut be was do­ ing with so many bides. “Well, now tbut I have proven my theory correct, I bavo no objection to telling your readers of my doings. “You see, all gold hunters kijpw that much gold known as ‘float’ is washed away contin­ uously. To catch this by any moans lias alrca«ly proven impossible, although tried by many different methods from tbo trail of sluices and running stroums. Last spring I luckily thought of a method which is rapidly making mo a rich man.” “How do you do it If* was impatiently asked. “Why, with bides. It is the simplest thing you over saw. The Animas river tributaries come from tbo l»est gold bearing sect ons in the country. This being tbo case, much fine or flower gold must puss down the stream, Up abovo I arranged my plans by selecting a point where the liver cuts directly to tbo bank: hero I placed a liido on stakes, allowing tho water to skim over it; the hair being placed up stream, of course it caught up all the “float” of all kinds. After leaving tbo bide In this position for a week I took it out and examined it thoroughly, but could dis­ cover no trace of gold. Being determined to give my experiment a thorough test, I cut up several pieces and burned them in mi old pan. (n penning the ashes 1 was rewarded with ever $2 in gold. Since that time I have de­ voted my time to getting every hide I could buy, and now have fifty in place at various points. On my clean ups, which 1 make on each hide at tho end of two weeks, I realize from GOO to $93 in pure gold, which I secure by retorting the allies of tbo hides. "—Durango (Co!o.) Herald. NO. 29, NEWSPAPER WORK €>n© square or less, one insertion. . .........$1 00 One square, each subsequent insertion.... 50 Notice« of appointment und final settlement 5 00 Other level advertisements. 75 cents for first insertion and 40 cents per square for each sub­ sequent insertion. Special business notices in business column«. 10 ceuts per Hue. Regular business notices. □ cents per line. Professional cards, 012 per your. Special rates for large display “ads." BURDETTE. Editor lai Jealousy — Sleepy Deacon ■»Al Incubator Hatched Chicken# WHAT GEORGE ALFRED TOWNSEND “Yea,” »ail Mr. Slim wit, os they were walk­ SAYS TO AN INTERVIEWER. ing home, “I do enjoy the theatre; I once •’Cstli’«’’ View, of International Copy- rl"l,t—Advice to Young Writer»— The Noted Jouruull.t*. Beginning—Tho Set­ tlement ut Gapluud—The Newspaper. “A man c m survive bi» mistakes, but not his idleness. I indulge the full fat b that mv novels, or rather historical romances, will be my self-respect and partial subsistence nttei it is forgotten, except iucidentally that I wrote thirty years for newspapers.” “You believe, then, in American litera­ ture)” “If I did not I would believe the land doomed. I lielieve we shall 1» a corrupt country, to a large extent, ns long as wo has e dishonest publishers and politicians who do not know what international copyright means. A country which protects a for­ eigner’s gun and not an American book is the last of the Barbary i»»wers. I wondor that President Cleveland does not feel, front hi. sister's exisirleuce with a review publisher, that the pirates of that trade ought to have the government destroy them. Stealing a book to read it never made a inau noble. Our iieople must learn to read with honest bands, and to estimate a book enough to wisli to present it in a library, as they cannot do with the cheap unlxiuud folio books. A tow nights ago all Washington society and gov- eriuucnt went to see a play that raised f.3,(X10 for charity, made a manager rich and kept employed many actors for a year. It has paid tho English author from America (15,000, yet it is thought that literaluro is uot a useful art.” WHITING A NOVEL. “IIow long did it take you to write ‘Katy of CatoctinT “Two years to write it, twenty years to get the material. ’To Jacob they seemed but a day.'” “llow long have you been with The Cincin­ nati Enquirer nowf” “Eleven years this May. That paper has a liberal and modest publisher, who is not grudging his writers’ scope and influenoo. It is this privilege I have enjoyed which nettles the «mall fry of writers in iny distant baili­ wick who relegate themselves to the back­ ground and bark there. My sincere advice to young writers Ls to pay no attention to the gossip of the shop; not to talk salaries over, like the lower range of actors; not to herd with unworthy fellow craftsmen, but seek society from other avocutious if it Is loss dis­ turbing to the mind. “At the beginning I gave my confidence too freely, was made sensitive by news carry­ ing friends, and wasted tiino shooting rival tidbits. No ingenuity can now get to my mind any offensive paragraph. While they are proofs of one’s vitality, they should no more lie rend by the subject of them than a blackgunisf should bo allowed to prats in your bouse. My mail is read over by one who knows mo well, and wbat will do nis no good is thrown out and I uevor see it. I hardly enter three times a year any newspaperofflee. Twenty-seven years ago I aspired to bo a special or absent cori’espondent. It was like pulling nn anchor up alone, but it camo slow­ ly. I next felt tbo corresponding desire for location—to have my tools and liooks and en­ vironment really, so as not to wasto my time and tissues and becomo common at summer resorts and so on. This desire, ulso, is nearly fulfilled. I consider that I am just ready for work now.” “Did you not spor.d your earnings for some years!" “For twenty years I spent all the money in seeing that I did not sjieud for books. For six or seven yenrs only I have paid some at­ tention to accumulating. As I uni but years old I ought now to is, good for fourteen yean of realization. ” TI1K JOURNALIST'S rAMILT. wrote a play myself." “Ob, Mi*. Slimwit,” she exclaimed, with genuine enthusiasm, “did you really, though) And wbat was it about, and when did you write it, and was it a suc­ cess, and did I ever see it played?” “I don’t know that you ever did,” ho said, in slow, conaTionti^s tones, “it was only a short, one sk‘* pl. . ; it was a play upou the word ‘fair;’ I rung in somethin'* about the fare charged by the fair at the fuir not being fair. I cannot tell a lady what the editor called me, but I can never forget it. And not ten days afterwa« d I saw that very same thinf* in I k paj»er as originaL" “I believe al editoFi are jealous of other writers,” said Miss Giddiglrl, “because once pa wrote an article nominating Mr. Ckweland for president, V>ng, long before anybody elsothought of him, and signed it ‘Taxpayer’ — that’s pa’s nom de plume; be writes all these articles sigued Taxpayer’—and after election bo went to find it to settle a dispute, and tho editor had cut the whole copy of that paper out of the file, and sai«l they never published n paper on the 5th of July; and everybody knows it is the 4th of July is tho holiday, and not thoSth; pa told him so, too, and tho editor said if pa didn’t get rooms in an icehouse be wouldn’t keep through the summer.” “I don’t see why you can’t keep awake in church," said the pastor. “I am there as long ns yon are and I don’t have to sleep half the time.” “Oh, well,” replied the deacon, “you just sit down in the pew and let me preach an«l 111 l»ot a new organ you couldn’t keep your eyes open ten minutes.” “You ray you stunqMxl Texas for the Pro­ hibition ticket Wbat peculiarity of your audiences struck you most forcibly?” “Well,” said the missionary, “the chunks of clay and pieces of brick struck mo most forcibly, but the eggs stay <1 by me the longest.” A From h scientist, who divines character by a simple inspection of noses, says that “the quick, passionate, sanguine person has a strongly colored nose of a uniform shade.” This gives us a most accurate estimate of tbo character nt tho American tramp, whose strongly colored nose dot's not vary its uni­ form shade with season or climate. And yet ae has new been accused of being quick, r^rliaps it meuns that be b quick not to work. “Where have you been all dnyF asked Mr. Tret. “Down town,” replied his wife. “Gos­ sip and tattle, I reckon?” “No, sir; financial politics; I’ve been reducing the surplus.” “You dou’t know anything about it,” snarled tho old man; “you’re just like any woman when she tries to talk politics; you’vo been increasing the deficit, that’s wbat you’ve been doing." aw tnctbator ’ b offspring . I am a I odo , unfathered chick, Of artificial hatching; A pilgrim in a desert wild, By happier mothered chicks reviled. From all relationships exiled. To do my own lone catching. Fair science smiled upon my birth One raw and gusty morning. And now the sounds of barnyard mirth To loncJy me have little worth; I am a leno in all t.Le earth— An orphan without horning. Sock I my mother? I would find A hearties» personator; A thing brass hided, man designed. With steampipe arteries intermixed And pul 'eless cotton batting lixmd— A patent inouKator. It wearies me to tlunk, you see— Death would be better, rather— Should children e’er be born to n>o. By fate's most pitiless decree My little ones, alas, would be With never a grandfather. And when to earth I bld adieu. To seek a greater,' I will not do as ot hers do. Who go to join the ancestral crew. For I will just be gathered to >ly incubator. —Brooklyn Eagtau “What family havo you!" “I have t< o children and two grandchildren. They are strewn along from four weeks oln She was Ready for Him. up to twenty years. Nolwdy loses time." It Is an error as old ns poverty to suppose “They report tlint you have put up quite a the rich aro happy. The other evening, for settlement at Gapland I” instance, Mini Goldlace, the beautiful and tai- “I have a stone library there witli two bed­ anted daughter of Col. Bilverbrlck Goldlnce, rooms over it; a stone and brick Dutch villa the millionaire, was sitting iu the drawing of sev, n gables, nine rooms and a Washing­ room of her father’s Nob bill mansion, reading ton Irving porch and a stone dining lodge of Mr. Royce’s “Feud of Oakflbld Creak.” But four rooms. These united buildings are 155 tills wam not all. A liveried servant entered feet long. There are also a stable and tenant with an embofiscd silver tray and bowgd six house of elghly-flve feet and a lattice house, times. Mil« ifoldlace ignored the menial, but which, with two log houses, make three good kicked thernrd from the silver. She blushed studios for artist friends, all with the cold /ividly, started up, glanced around in a rat­ north light. Then I have two summer houses, tled way, and then began pulling bell ropes a windmill, two small stables, an ice house, ike the pilot of a river steamboat chicken house and Dutch oven. It Is like the Servants trooped in. boy's rendering of how the leopard could “James,” she cried tn one, “turn that pict­ ebunge bis spots; ’If he don't like this spot, ure of Andromeda to the wall. “Jennie,” to he cun go uud lie down in yon one.’ I have suotber, “turn that ‘Alone at Last’ quick. planted 200 apple trees, 000 grape vines and “William,” to a third, “throw something over 100 miscellaneous trees, and have nine acres that statuette of Venus, and push the ‘Greek iu cultivation and five of woods, and have Slavu’ Lwhind the curtain. There, thut will built 8,lX>0 feet of stonewall. If tho Sixth Jo." army cor;» celebrates the twenty-fifth mini Then she sat down on an olive plush lounge versary of tho buttle of Crampton's Gap they end compose«! her countenance. “Show him will llnd the place looking very different from in," she raid in ber quoonly fashion to the. 1863.” liveried menial. Aner is totakooiv's eggn seivem-se away. Besides, the weight of proi>erty res;«»ibility would draw down anv Destroying Food Fishes. free winged spirit like a kite trying to carry A Tbo indignation of fishermen over the de­ n fish. I took from Shakespeare my concep struction of food fishes by the “menhaden tlon of my business, where Ariel says: “I a 111 lie correapondent to command. □irate«,” as they mo called, Is not without And do your spriting gently.’’ justification. Everything is (Lb that comes —Washington Star Interview. into the menhaden nets. Three of the«» “I have used Simmons Elver .i.enbaden steamers scooped up 70,000 fiib in A Capable African Fotentate. Retpilator for many years, hav­ "»no day last week. All were sent to the fac- ing made It my only Family Tippon Tip, tho nomadic African potentate, 7 rics to bo ground into fertilizers. The great Medicine. My mother before majority of the fish taken are menhaden, but seem * to lie a man of businoM quite capable me was very partial to It. It la thousands of food fishes are cm tured along of making bis way in the world. With a a safe, good and reliable medi­ with them. In one day laxt week 30,000 pounds large ban I of armed Arabs be meets a well cine for any disorder of the >f blue fish were taken and sent to the fertil- »quipped exploring expertblnn and Informs system, and if used In time is the leader that lie is prepared either to fight • great jsreeentlre •/ slcfenM«. xing establishments. Will Stick to ltallroa.l Ties. 1 often recommend It to my ft is shameful to permit the destruction of or to 1« employed. The remit is that lie U friends, and shall oonUnua * to “And say, young man," bo continued, “if food fishes in Ibis way. Not many years ago invariably employed, and doubtless gets a *r so. yon over go traveling, like nio avoid steam- food fishes were plentiful on this coast. New good salary for his services H»nry M. Sts»» ~ "Rev. Tames M. Rnlltns, ships. 1 neat os a stowaway one time, and »hey are becoming scarce. Hbell fish have lay o^t/'d with bis u»ual sagacity in choosing "Pastor M. X. Church, So. Fairfield, Va.” I'll tell you what lmp|>cned. After three jeen destroyed by sludge acid and other ra- to employ Tip)»x> rather than fight him. days out at sea I was discovered. Tbo cap-1 'ara of oil factories andaimiiar establishments, Tho explorer was wise, also. In honoring TIMl All OOITMI' DILI tIVtO »v tain said to me: 'Young man, you'll bavo to I while tbo wbolesalo destruction of menhaden tho swarthy chieftain with titular dignity «/•rnt/s *«»,<», Simmon» lAvot go to work.’ He set me to scraping off paint j m In IsuMgeeMow. Cotte, Diorrimo, nuuoooom. and found it to re­ they allowed mo to go. I never went to sea ‘dored veteran.*»’ reunion nt John G. ditlon tn indulge fr*cly in offensive partisan- I lieve Immediately. After eat­ (gain. Railroad« aro good cnc u.h for me.”— Whittier Maid: “I ain almost tbe last of tlie sh’p without fear of Icaing his official head. ( ing a hearty supper, if, on going Eau Francisco Chi ouiele. »Id ant I-« la very company. Of tlienixty-tLree The powerful help of Governor General Tip to bed, I take about a teaspoon- signers of the original declaration of the will enable Mr Stanley to march through the ; fnl, I never teal tho effecte ei Taper from Cra.lini flamboo. \ mer i can Anti-alavery society in 1823, African wildernras without terions tnterfer- | the supper eaten. It almo-1 seems os though good serviceable Robert Purvh, of Philadelphia, ami mywelf •nee from wiki and hostile tribes.—New ' “OVID ®. SPARKS, paper can l«o made from every kind of veg» iloue are left”—Chicago Timee. York World. “Ex-Mayor Maoon, «a.- table fiber. Ct asses and woods of all sorts, • ONLY GCNUINrW and even |«et, liars been brought Into requi Dr. Maegowan miggasta the inti oductkMl o< Gen. Sherman's «on is often seen on Laks ■as ear K tosinp on front of Wrapper. si lion, while one of the Inteet introductions h Jeorgs In sn Italian canoa app-opi lately Chmœa straw .bo»« into the nur-cry for the crushed bamboo, wLkh h»s been us»l with iam»l Tecumseh. The youn, man to a u«o of children, on account of tbwr IlghtMN J. H. ZtHin 4 Ct., »•jjr seualaetory