VOL. II MCMINNVILLE WEST SIDE'TELEPHONE.' -—Issued---- EVERY TUESDAY AN!) FRIDAY -IM- Garrison's Building. McMissville, Oregon, —BV TUI’. OCEAN STEAMSHIP. HOW THE PASSENGERS ARE PRO- VISIONED AND PROVIDED FOR. The ’l'alniíiH«- A: I lettili Publishers a ad Proprietors. SUBSCRIPTION RATES: One year....................................................... 00 I Six months........ • 1 — -- Three months... 75 > Entered in the Postoltiee at McMinnville. Or. as second-class matter. ' Cooki Kept Itusy, “Blow High, Blow Low'*—The Amount of Provi»- ions. Groceries, Eh*., Brought uu Board — Drillkubles anti Crockery. Basingers inhale with tho sea air an ex- cess ol ( iithusiusin. nuti ure ready to liecoiii* excited on the smallest provocation. Is it u passiug vessel. Or a spouting whale! n of the staff who have to Circling above him sweetly sang the bird attend to the passengers’ wants, and that “Hate hath no harm for love,” so ran the suug, these are many and constant the ordinary “And peace, imweapuned, conquers every routine will show. wrong.” THK COOKS KKPT BUSY. The Lakers turn out at 4 a. in.: this is not a case of “weather |x-rmitting.” for “blow high, A Traveler's Oueer Adventure—Life in blow low. out they come, or there would be no hot rolls or bread or cakes for breakfast. l'ii«iergrouii«l Ho uses. While dashing furiously along I suddenly The cooks turn out ut 5:.*i0 a. in. At 0 a. in. felt myself sink into the earth up to my arm­ coffee is served in the staterooms to any pas­ pits. At tho same instant I heard down in senger requiring it, or on «leek should any one the ground the shrieks of human beings— have so far forgotten himself as to get out of bed at that hour. Breakfast is served from women mid children, licit hands clutch at 8 to 10 a, m., lunch from 1 to 2 p. m., dinner my legs and naked human bodies pressing from 5 to 7 p. m.; in the intervals between against them. 1 uttered no sound—I was too breakfast and lunch, lunch and dinner, and much frightened. 1 held my breath and dinner and supper, the passengers assist diges­ shrank within myself. Every instant I ex­ tion with ginger nuts, prunes, oranges, nuts, pected to led a knife or a spear thrust into cake, und many other things looked upon with my bedy. My feet were oil the ground, and horror by the natural man; and this never without knowing what I was doing, I gave a ceases until the end of tbe voyage, giving em­ strong push with niv breast. Findii-j that ployment tothqcook till 10 p. m. The bakers something was giving way, I plunged for­ finish the day's work at Z p. ni. The stewards ward and up a steep slope of two or three turn out at 0 a. m., clean saloons, smoking fed, when 1 found myself bounding like a rooms, etc., and prepare the tables for break­ deer ucros.* the level meadow with a great fast: :i porlion of the stewards attend to the contrivance of basket work suspended from I bedroo.ns, but the greater number attend at my hips and extending a yard or more on all table or wherever they may l>e inquired. side«. I looked for all the world as if I bad They finish the day’s work at 11 p. m., and donned a hugo hooped skirt. are the hardest worked men on board the ship. While making a momentary halt, in order The amount of provisions, groceries, etc., to disengage myself from the singular ma­ on board at the time of sailing are very chine hanging upon me, I east my eyes back large. For a single passage to the west ward ward and saw an old woman and three or I one of our most noted steamers, with 547 four naked children scrambling out of the cabin passengers and a crew of 287 persons, hole from which I had just made my escape. had. when leaving Liverpool on the 28th of Yelling at the top of their voices, they dashed August last, the following quantities of pro­ away us fast as t.lieir legs would carry them, visions—12.5.50 pounds fresh l>eef, 760 pounds making for the nearest hills. By tho time I corned beef, 5,320 pounds mutton, 850 pounds had pushed my basket skirt down to my heels lamb, 350 pounds veal, 350 pounds pork, and stepped out of it I saw a dozen or more 2,000 pounds fresh fish, 600 fowls, 300 chick­ black head« emerging from the earth in my ens, 109 ducks. 50 geese, 80 turkeys, 200 brace immediate neighborhood. Seeing the shaggy grouse, 15 tons potatoes, 30 hampers vegeta­ heads popping up all about me, 1 darted bles, *220 quarts ico cream. 1,000 quarts milk away at a pace that must truL. have aston and 11,500 eggs. ished the natives. 1 think 1 must have left In groceries alone there were over 200 dif­ the village at least five miles behind before I ferent article's, including (for the round voy­ halted. I then t brew myself upon the ground age of twenty-two days)—650 pounds tea, too much exhausted to even load iny gun. 1,200 pounds coffee, 1,600 pounds white “Was it one of their houses that you had sugar, 2,800 pounds moist sugar, 750 pounds jumped into, uncle?’’ here asked a small hoy, pulverized sugar. 1,500 pounds cheese. 2,000 who had been listening with “all his cars.” ]X>iuids butter, 3,500 pounds ham and 1,000 “Yes, boy, the roof of one of their huts. pounds bacon. You «ce these miserable root digging, frog EASILY ACCOUNTED FOR. eating devils live in holes dug in the ground, i The foregoing seem enormous quantities, just like so many woodchucks. They make a kind of basket work dome of witlow, which but very little was left ujx the ship's arrival they plats? over the ho!e and cover with grass in port. The consumption may easily be ac­ wid earth by way of roof, and in hotwoather counted for when it is considered that the they' sometimes strew this roof with green crew (each member of which is allowed two leaves as an additional protection from the pounds of l>eef per day) use 574 pounds, that heat of the sun. The one in which 1 plunged 350 pounds per day will be used in making was so covered, and the framework being old lieef tea, making a total of 924 {xiunds for the crew and the single item of beef tea; then 1 and rotten I jjopped through it easily breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper for 547 enough."—Salt Lake Tribune. j>asseng«*rs accounts for the remainder. , Eleven thousand five hundred eggs appeal’s to be a large consumption for an eight days’ Novel Club 1» Pari» minute We have a new club and one of the most passage; it is in reaZity one egg novel ever organized. It springs from that from the time tbe ship sails from Liverpool insatiate desire of Parisians for originality. until her arrival in New York, but they aro Tlie members of the dub are not more likely prepai-ed in many ways for breakfast und to lie congenial assis iates than if they were disappear in hundreds at supper; in fact it is selected entirely at random, for the diicf and not an unusual thing to see a lady or gentle­ distinguishing requisition is short.sightedmss. man finish «>ff a supper of grilled chicken ami Mevertheless tlie first dinner of the club was deviled sardines with four poached eggs on an interesting and pleasant occasion, and ns toast, and it is the same with everything all will continue to look upon the affair ill u on board. Isernons are used at tbe rate of more or leas humorous light it may continue 1)^ per hea«l ¡jer day; oranges, 3 per head to be siKsvssfnl. To determine eligildlity the per day, and apples, when in semon, at the managing nimittee decided that a candi­ rate of 2,3i per head per day. The quantities of wine, spirits, beer, etc., date must wear either spectacles, eyeglasses, or at least u quiz glass in one eye. In ex. ep- put on board for consumption on the round tiouul eases men who wore <-olored glass.- voyage comprise 1, 1UU l*ottl«*s of champagne, were admittetl, but it is declared with mudi 850 Ixjttles of claret. 6,000 bottles of ale, 2,500 Solemnity that this will not ls> done again. liottles of porter, 4,500 L«»ttles of mineral The dub has not as yet a headquarters, and waters and 650 buttles of various spirits. Crockery is broken very extensively, being it is doubtful if tlie idea will lie earrie.1 fur­ ther than a monthly dinner in some hotel at the rate of 900 plafiM, 280 ctlp*, 438 saucers, tutrlors. Among the members are many 1,213 tumblers, 200 wine glasses. 27 decanters women, and indeed one of the vice presidents and 6.3 water l>ottles in a single voyage — is a lady, who is, 1 I dieve. most favorably Ijouisville < ’«airier-Journal. known lu Amefiea—Mme. Anna Judic. 1 lie dub is ealle.1 the Association of the Short Gfn. Hoolanger's -Moral Courage. Sighted—-th’* Myope*.—Paris Cor. Philatid- Gen. Boulanger lias a deal ot moral courage pbia Time«. _________ und does n. t iniud w hat is «aid about hint. He had early to steel himself against harsh she Wasn't Vtasbe.l on Him. Tbe young ladies in a popular retail estab­ gibes. -How was that, general.'" 1 asked. lishment have been joking one of their »um­ ■ Simply by being often and for long intervals ber, u prettt, curly haired brunette, abott« when a bov in England You know liow in­ her seeming infatuation with a go<*l looking tolerant English sr’booi boys are of foreign bank teller. The young woman in question peculiarities, or indeed peculiarities of any displayed anxiety to make the daily deposits sort. Now. whenever I went on a visit to my at the Lank, and always on her return could uncles in Brighton, I nJ way »bad French made be n.,ti.-e abused, laugh«! at orca- it the moot ls-autiful twi«t over tbe left ear hunniated.-Paris Cor. NewYork Tribune. Pd give anything if 1 could only get my hair like that, and I study his style every time I Queen Kaptoiaue ot tbe Sandwich Islands go to the bank, ami then brush mine to cor­ i, Xntemplating a tour of tbe United Stat« respond as aoou as I get back to tbe thia yennitted to vote the wives of the politicians are very chary about unduly criticising the otlier women. To do so means the creation of enemies for your buslMUMi, who ea* work iiim a gr<*at in­ jury if they chaos«. It is a powerful ctow-k upon the tongue, I assure you.”—Washington Letter. *v or kina Him Cicely. uMy dear,” said a hu»band who is fond ot putting poaers, ‘‘can you tell me why young women who don't want to get married are like angels' vlsitw?” The lady finally gave it up. “Because they are few and far between. Ha. ba, ha! Not bad. ebf* “Exceedingly clever. He. he, he! By the way, John, can you let me have that ‘•Certainly,” said John.—New York Suu. t'.^rmlr Hs.tr. Chicago Husband— I hearg that Mr. Inr<1, the eminent expert in pork, will shortly lead to the altar the beautiful Mia. Hparerib ot Wabash avenue. Mr. Lard, you know, was divorced six weeks ago. Chicago Wife—And intends to wed again so soon* He couldn’t have thought much ut his flrst wife - M*w York 8un ••f swan, I believe it.” “And, old as she is, if you were to get out tho carriage next Sunday and drive around with the edts. and tell her you wanted her to go to meot.'.ng with you, she would actually NEW DESIGNS IN NURSERIES TO blush with pleasure.” FORCE INTELLECTUAL GROWTH. "Blamed if 1 don't do it.” I “Then, Monday, if you were to tell her you were going to hire a girl and that she must ScrmoiiN in Carpet.*, Geography In Win­ sit in the witting r useful, but it also leaches the young idea how to shoot. The wails of the nursery are I will, as sure as you live.” “And then when the tear stands In her eye hung with educational paper, tho carpets are and the same old blush comes out that you dewrated with pictures of “Daniel in the thought was so nice when you ’went on Lions’ Den," “Samson Throwing Down the that teeter to AlUmv, if you should kiss Temple,” and other interesting Biblical sub jects, eniU*llished by Scriptural verses. For her"----- “It's all right, professor.” fear of tiring tho baby mind and to avoid “Then, my friend, I would begin to think monotony, theso are relieved by illustrations she Lad made something by marrying a rich deftly printed or woven of “Jack the Giant Killer,’’ “Jack and tho Beanstick,” “The Old man.” Woman Who Lived in lier Shoe” and other “You’re right, old man.” “Then I think yon would no longer have a “chestnuts” refreshing und soothing. Tho ceilings arc painted to represent the miserable wife. Then you would no longer want to rent or soil the farm, but would bo broad blue canopy above us, with u complete showing tlio mother of your children how lay cut of suns, moons, planets, comets, und much you respected her for her life of devo­ so on, and the 1 ittle Jamesy, Alphonse or tion. Then she would know she was a part Margaret Alice can lie on its dear little back ner in that 8i»U,oortlons of the earth in their You have made her think she is an old true light. If anything occurs in tho street woman. She bus given up all hope of ad­ Johnny has to look through Bulgaria to get u miration and love, and is only waiting to die glimpse of it or squint over tho Alps, the to get out of the way. Sup|»ra you were Andes or the Appenines in order to obtain u treated so?’’ v lew of his little red headed lady love across “Wliat, me? I am all right.” the way. “Yes, I know. Women pity you because The panels of the door are laid ill with you are tied to such a s.crry looking wile. drawings in colors descriptive of “Washing Foolish old maids and silly girls whis[jer ton Crossing tho Delaware,” “Columbus Dis­ behind your back what a nice looking man covering America,” “The Landing of tho Pil­ you arc, and what a stick of a wife you have grims,” und other subjects of historical inter­ got, ami you are just soft enough to wear est; the knobs of tlio doorsare animals’ head«, tight boots and oil wtiut little hair you have so when any of the little ones wishes to go in left on the top of your head and go around or out of the nursery ho or she i« obliged to figuring up how long before your uite will study z«jology before making un entrance or die." exit. “Say, now, see here, professor, there is a Tho different playthings uro made not only limit to endurance. 1 am going.” as toys, but some as often Itooks, und whether “I am coming (Iowa to see you next week; a child walks or runs it is obliged to learn will it bo all right ?’’ something. The rattles blow “One, two, “Yre, if you drop tht. kind of talk and three,” teaching tlio child how to count; the won’t tell of my complaii.ts about my wife. ball is mado to represent tho earth, and as it I will try your medicine. Would you stick bounds from ono end of tho nursery to tlio fur that part of your pnvription about the other an idea is given of the world's travels in pocketbook and 820 notes.” celestial space. • How much «lid you say you had made A XT IIIIO 1’0 LOO Y IN DOLLS. together? ’ The dolls uro mado to represent the dif- •leave. The dress will bo ail right, ami ferent races of tho human family, each the pony and phaeton will lx? bandy for the «loll lieing provided with different gals, (’omo down and see us, old man, but beads an« I costumes, so that tho child not a word alxiut this tali». Il you wasn t an may with very little troublo huvo aud- old man I'«l—” Tipping his der by back on ieneo with an Indian, European, African or his head and shaking th«* wrinkles out of Ins lMongolinn. Theso again nru subject to vari­ light trouser», bo put his hands into his ation, and can bo made up to represent uny pickets and sauntered away. “There, ’ said 1 nationality under tlio stni. Ono spec!«?» of “is otic man who lias taken the only legal and dolls is made to be taken apart und put to­ God given way of getting rid of a iniserabie gether, begetting in th? young one’s mind a wile.*’ passion for the study of anatomy and pliysl ology. Woman’s Ambition nml Duties. Tho child's food is emblazoned with mottoes Everywhere the great advance ami intel­ lectual growth among women is ustonishing and precepts; the little crackers or biscuits Except those who devote their time and ener­ are printed so as to read: “Procrastination is gies to society and its frivolities, women gen­ the thief of time,’’ “A pine* for everything erally uro working like Trojans to elevate the and everything in its own place,” “Do unto sex and to equuliz(J the sexes. In the intel­ others a* yo would they should do unto you,” lectual world they are certainly on equal “Order is heaven's first law,” ote. Jts articles of «lress arc full of useful knowl­ footing with men. Nor do men dispute their edge, its pinafores and bibs are covered with claim. the alphabet and tbo numerals, und as the In all good work for tho moral and physical improvement of the race the women are the child ad vane s in age theso givo way to most interested ami work the bardeat, and, others liearing such word.« as “dog,” “cat,” what is better still, arc always ready to sup “cow,” “pig,” etc., tbo multiplication table ply the necessary funds or to sec that they and so on. Tho plates, mugs and other articles of fable are supplied. In domestic affairs women have always furniture are covered with various bits of reigned supreme, and yet it must be confewed knowledge, amusing and instructive. An that here they do their pion'st work in cer­ illustration in tbo renter of a plate or on tho tain ways, (¡¡ion them rests the responsibil­ side of a mug i.*> surrounded by «omo useful ity of bringing up ami training the future text. The child grows up thoroughly imbued generations of men uml women. Ami still, I with a knowledge of everything, and as it as a class, they work harder to [save young mingles with tho world it «rrprises every one men from ruin than they worked to train its comes in contact with by its erudition und their own sons into habits that should require vast learning.—New York Journal. no reformation in manhood. Half the time Gen. Butler on tho Army Chaplain. and labor «pent upon their own children, they agreeing as a txxiy upon a line of moral con­ The Rev. John F. Moors, recently delivered duct and teaching, would make the after la­ a lecture on tho "Army Chaplain,” and a re­ bor comparatively light, for nothing no in­ port of it in u Boston paper has elicited a fluence* character as early surround lugs, al­ friendly letter from (Jeu. Benjamin F. But­ though, of course, the argument holds that ler to tho lecturer, which close* as follows; excellent men were in childhood unhappily, “The chaplain who did bis duty and lived an perhaps viciously, surrounded, and had no upright and conscientious life was retpocted training to speak of, or the worst; but such by the men. Ho got no bohriquet or pet cases are rare indeed, and men and women name, but heartfelt love and raqject, Tho usually carry with them in some way the ef­ sutler c I um * of chaplain* always got txt fect« of early training or influence.— Cleve­ names, and when the soldiers called the chap­ lain, as they usually did of that clu s, ‘Holy land Leader. Joe,’ or ‘Holy John,* am tho ruse might be, The <«h»MN From YJbow GremMB* (Jod help him, for all influence of his lor good A skilled laundryman. when asked what was gone. He simply liecumo tho butt of the was the secret of this work, replied: ‘-The ridicule of his comrade«. Perhaps in charity MM*ret is pressure, nothing more.” The pres­ you and I won't think at all of that clash, but sure of moving hot cylinder* is used in steam let bygones I m » bygones, laundries. In a recent ♦isit to u steam laun­ “I have the most vivid memory of many dry we were much interested in the patent good And true men who were chaplain* in my appliance« for laundering collar* and cuffs army; nor were tb»y by any means always in to make then» look like now, und we found the rear on the day of battle, using tbo word that the linen was passed Iictween two mov­ •real*’ a* afar off. They bad no buxineim to be ing hot cylinders under a prewuir* of 120 hi the front line ■; they bud no busincrj to be pound», and thus receives the high polish. file closers, eveil the third line, on the«luy of The ordinary ironer will MMsceed v.-eli jf tattle. But when the shells were bursting after being sure the articles are waxhed thor­ and when Ute pings of the ininio bullets from oughly, rinaod freo from all trace* of acaji the enemy were ringing all along the whole and dipped in pure, clean starch, she will ura line, I have raen «UapiainM helping to take clean, smooth iron* and bear down heavily « are of the wounded, directing their transpor­ upon the round top of the iron in rubbing tho tation to the rear, easing their pains, and in jinen. There are starches of various kinds, one caw, by u timely application of nn im­ patent gl<7s*es and diver* inventions said to provised tourniquet, stopping the Mund that produce a polish upon linen; but the better wax ebbing the life of a soldier away, and way is to depend upon the common starch would have done so before the surgeon could tx>Ught i i the bulk and of the lx*st grade. have beeg reached. But 1 need not toil you Home laundresac* stir the hot starch once or w hut the good chaplain« or the tad one* did. twice round with a sjx*rniaeeti candle kept m speak with you fieeiy, because 1 for the purpose, and others a«l«l a bit of clean have the good fortune to have you in mutton tallow; but foreign suLr-tam-es, like my ranks. ’’¿-Exchange. wax. gum Arabic, salt or sugar, must be add­ ed with caution. Very nice laundry work is Fuel for the Pralrlr. «lone by the aid of pure starch alone, with no An Iowa genius has introdii<*wd to noth'* a additions. American Cultivator. new fuel. which is designed to take the place of coal in th" prairie «smiitries. This fuel is i.aftff.r iro... ma«i«* by grinding corn stalks and coarse Owing to t.w nv-raunl rlc-trical intamity >f th« atino«phere, which ia indued by tha prairie grass together, moistening them, and then pressing tlie pulp into blocks aliout xxitinual evolution of »team and rtnolre, Dr. twelve in«‘hes long and four in«-he* thick, and Andri« «timare« that tb« .langer from light- dried. It is reported that one block will give ting la from thrre to five tnun greater than an hour's steady beat. This fuel can be pro­ » waa Oily yean ago. duced for 19 l*r tun. BRAIN HOT HOUSES. Where Made and Where Sold—What Mr. to Costs—Various 1 nucios. Travelers from abroad often remark tho wooden imago of an Indian in front of our tobacco stores. Theso effigies aro mado in this city. About thirty persons are at work on them. Only six firms manufacturo them. Ono flrm has not mado any new images for two years, and another is about to close out and go to Chicago. Between 203 and 300 wooden Indians are put on tho market each year. Moro than half of those uro used in New York and the suburbs. Tho wood carvers who make those figures are usually ship carpenters by trade. They acquire their skill by working at ships’ figure­ heads. Occasionally a German wood carver tries his hand, but as a rule he is too slow. A good workman will finish a lifu sized figure in two days. He is paid at the rato of from 84 to 84.50 a day. The painters get $2 a day for their work. An erroneous idea prevails that discarded masts of ships are used as the mate­ rial for a flgure. But these, from wurping and weather cracks, aro unsuitable for carv­ ing. Tho ends of such new spars us have been found too long for their purpose are often used. The only wood employed is white pine. Indian figures are divided into classes. An ludían with his hand shading his eyes is a '•‘scout.” If he has a gun, or a bow and arrows in his hand, lie is a “hunting chief.” If his head, except the scalp lock, is shaved and the body partly naked, he is a “Captain Jack.” A flgure carrying a small basket is a “flower girl,” and another nearly similar but with a robe is u “shawl figure.” A running posture constitute« a "fly flgure.” “Fashions in fancies,” as tho non-Indian figures are called, change greatly. During the war the ‘‘girl of the period” was in great demand. “Punches” succeeded, and were followed by “Pucks. “Dudes” are just now a drug in the market, as they have been lately supplanted by “baseball” players. Ten In­ dian figures to one fancy is the proportion in which »hoy are sold. One large flrm in New York manufactures these figures by casting them in zinc alloy. The merits of metal, as compand w ith wood, arc that it lasts longer ami keejis better, if used where it is not liable to rough usage. If any part of a metal figure is damaged tho piece can be recast and soldered on to the original casting. But this applies only to places like New York, where the necessary appliances are at hand. Oil the other sido the price is in favor of wooden figures, their cost being from $17 to $100, while that of metal figures ranges from 825 to $175. Wooden figures also receive paint better, lo that it wears away gradually and docs not emie off in Hakes—a failing in metal figures. New York Sun. NO. 112 HOW TO GET RID ABLE OF A MISER WIFE. Woman*« Ambition ami Duties— Dinner's Delights und Discord'»—11 nuger (or Praise — Flbow GrvaM* — A Mistake. Hints lor tlie House Mother. “Yes, professor, 1 am afraid I shall have to rent or sell my farm. My w ife is so miser­ able. I cannot carry it on without hiring, and hiring eats up all the profits.” 1 lookixi at the s|x?akor admiringly. He w as about 50, but as robust as a man of 30. Hi; whiskers were neatly trimmed, showing a full, red cheek. He wore n jaunty hat und a natty cutaway coat, and below his vest hung a silk too and a heavy gold seal. I w as proud of him. He was such a |«ei feet picture of the New York gentleman from the rural district that I wanted to imprint his picture on my memory. “So your w ife is miserable?” “Yes, kinder droppin’ with u dry cough and no ambition. She just kinder drags around the house, and looks so peaked und scrawny it gives me the blues. It does, I swan.” “Naturally weakly, wasn't she?” “She? Oil, no. When I married her she was the smartest girl on the creek. She used to work f«»r father, und the way she made the work stand around. took my eye. She was a j«>or gal, and her industry got her u rich husband.” Here he carelessly took out a gold watch, looked at the time, put it back un«l adjusted the silk fob on the front of his nicely fitting trousers. “So she did well, getting married on ac­ count of her industry ?'’ “Why, of course; she was getting only 82.50 u week, and she Ixvame the mistress of a farm." “Excuse me, but how mu«*h are you worth now? confidentially, you know. 1 um a scientifi«* man, and will never use such farts to your injury with the assessor.” I “Well, profes:»or, I could crowd 850,000 pretty hard." “That is good. How long have you been married?” “Thirty years next Fourth of July. We went down to Albany on a little teeter, and I proposed the match and Jane was willin'.” "How much «lo you suppose you have made in the last thirty years?” “Hum—um—lenime see. I got the Davis farm the first ten yeai*s, then I run in debt for the Simmons place, got war prices for my cheese, and squared up both places. Well, 1 think I have cleared up $«>0,0(M) since we spliced.’’ “X’ery good, indeed. And your wife has been a great help all this time?” “Ob, you bet! She w as a rattler. She took care of her baby and the milk for twenty cows. I tell you she mudc the tinware flop. Why, we have had four children, and she I never had a Lin’d girl over six months in that time!” “Splendid; and you have cleared 830,000 in i that time?” “Yes; easy.” “Now, how much has your wife made?” “She, why durn it, professor, she is my wile.” “I know it. But wliat has she made? You say she was poor when you married her. Now, what Las she mad«*?” “Why—by gum, you beat all. Why, she is my wife and we own it all together.” “I)o you? Then she can draw on your bank account ? Then she has a horse and carriage when she wants them? Then she has a servant maid when she wants one? Then she rides out. for her health, and has a watch and chain of gold as you do? Is that so’?” “Professor you must be crazy. Nobody’s wife is boss in that shape. Whoever heard of such a thing?” “Now, look here. You say she did well in marrying rich, and I cannot see it. If she was getting 82.50 |ier week when you married her, and hail Raved her wages, she would have had now 8000. If she had invested it, she would have had $5,000. Now you tell me she is broken down and used up, and miserable, and look* so Iwidly she makes you sick, and she has no money, no health, and will get probably nothing but a Scotch granite tomb­ stone when she dies?” “Professor, if you was a younger man I would lick you quicker'» u spring fuinb can jump n thistle." “What for? lain stating the case fairly, am 1 not? Your wife is no longer young. She is no lunger handsome. Her hands are as hard as a local editor’s «-Leek, and she has stoo]x*d over a milk con until she has a hump on her back like a jieddler.” “Shut up, will you?” “She has raised four children. One of them is at college. One of them is taking music lessons at Boston. The other two are teach­ ing school. She is ut home alone, going around in treadmill life, which will end in a rosew'k well in that new Wate«town wagon, and .s, you take the hired man and neighltors’ girls to meeting. Your wifu never goes anywhere, no you never giv«» her u watch like f'tur own, nor a new silk dies*, nor u jxwiy that she could drive, nor a l«asket phaeton that she could climb into without a ladder. She never «ays anything, so you never have got her a set «>f teeth like your own gold and rubber, but she lias got to gmn it until her n«we is pusbed up into her forehead anil her fa«-e wrmkb's like u burned Lout She never gurs «Hit, but sba don't «lye brr hair as you do yours, but it looks like a milkweed | mm 1 gone to aeacL Sba has to work in the kitchen,so «b<* gets no ni<*e t.x4bpi« I. like yours, but g«x*s chmipiug an»unme high flyer who will pull every hair out uf your bead, ami *erve you right, too." -Proferau», for mercy** sake, stop.” “When }