THE FUN OF FARMING. I They
______ .
I
AS
RELATED
BY
THE
HONEST
FARMER HIMSELF.
The Felicity <>f Getting Up Early and
Temi hiK the Stock—Th® Hired Man
—Way* of Planting and
Harvesting.
A
BATTLE
OF GIANTS.
I WONDER HOW.
lUfe.]
I wonder how they can have met,
Tbota two, who, where the blue waves wet
I Western Letter.)
TLe »hining sands, are passing by—
About twenty-five years ago, when a cer
She looking sweetly coy and shy,
tain western state w as a territory, and with He pleased, though rather cool as yeti
few inhabitants, a young lawyer from New
York emigrated thither and settled in the An hour or more I see they let
town of L----- .
He had been there nearly Slip quickly by. How’ can they get
Hucn pleasure from the tea and sky!
two years when he was induced to print a
I wonder how?
weekly newspaper, of which he was the edi
tor. Squire 8. was a very little man, but They come, when now the sun is set,
he use 1 the editorial “ we ” as frequently as Humming some sweet old love duet;
if there were a dozen of him, and each as big
She beers his cano perched upon high,
He »wings her hat as they pass nigh.
as a giant”
Strange to say, there were at that time Some day ’twill break, this witching net,
I wonder how ?
men in office who wer; not a particle more
Wanted the “Feilow
•
That Article.**
Who Wrote
| New York Tiniee.l
“So vou think you would like to be a
farmer?" mid the honeat member of that pro
tesoli (called honest for the >ake of euphem
ism) to the historian, from the seat of a honest than they should ba; a thing which
A PRINCE’S PLEASURES.
dingy wagon et the Gansevoort market. “1 probably never happened I m fore, and never
,
will
again.
Squ
’
re
H.
felt
all
the
patriotism
suppose somebody has been telling you that
The Way In Which “Tummy** Wales
the farmer is the i nly independent man on of a son of ’76, and poured out grajie and
Amuses Himself.
This soon
the face of the broad earth, and that the ' canister against public abuses.
[London Cor. San Francisco Argonaut.]
rural life of th? t.llor of th) soil is one Ion-; I stirred a hornet’s nest about his ears; but us
I dare say you may remember a story
¡ mi radi e of peace and happiness, with none there was no other paper in the territory
which got out last year about a practical
of the harrowing < ares of business or the there was no reply ft r a time.
At length he published an article more se joke that wa« played at Cowes during tho
wearing ru.-h and grin i of the great city tu
yachting week on a lady named Mrs. C’ust,
drive him to premature old age and insane vere against malfeasance in office than any whose house at that time every year is a
In fact, though it
asylums. I’ll t**!l you how much work he i that had preceded it
favorite resort of the prince of Wales and
due-, and then you judge for yourself. Let’s | pointed at no indvidual in particular, it was his followers. It seems that Mrs. Cust was
a “scorcher.”
sec; wLere shall I begin/”
Some three or four days afterward he was told that the French cabinet minister, M.
-Bogin wita the 1st of January,” sug
sitting alone in his editorial office, which was Waddington, was in Cowes, and the prince
gested the historian.
requested that he be invited to dinner by her
• V» ell,” continued the honest farmer, about a quarter of a mile from the printing
to meet his royal highness. The invitation
reaching down iroin the st at of the dingy establishment. His pen was busy with a
was, of course, given, and the dinner took
wag >n to adndnLter a slight kick to his paragraph, when his door opened, and in
place. After dinner the gentlemen came
dingy nigu horse and shout “W’ou! though stalked u man about six feet in his stocking . into the drawing-room, and there, in Mrs.
tiebead had not mo veil for ten minute-. I He asked: “Are you S., the proprietor of
Cast’s presence, an altercation soon arose
“Well, I’ll begin with the 1st of January." | tnis paper?” Thinking he had found a new
between M. Waddington and I/ord Charles
1 have a farm of seventy-five acres, which I patron, the little man, with one of his bland
Beratford. The rudest, most iusulting epi
fortunately bei« mgs to me. Otherwise 1 est smiles, answered in tho affirmative. The
thets were applied to the French people in
should be obliged to pay from *300 to $50J I stranger deliberately drew the last number
general, and M. Waddington in particular,
rent per year, which would about swamp all of the paper from his pocket, and pointing to
the war of words endin ' in M. Waddington
the profit I get from it. Now, for farm work ¡ the article against rogues in office, told the
l»eing hustled out of the room into the gar
in January. That is about the hsiest time ! affrighted editor that it was intended tor
den, and thrown over the wall into the road.
of the year for th j farmers. I keep ten i “him.”
Shortly after he presentxl himself again,
It was in vain that 8. protested that he
cows an i sell milk in the city, and so I am
covered with dust, when, at the earnest so
obliged to get up about 5 o’clock in the had never heard of him before. The wrath
licitation
of Mrs. Cust, who was almost in a
morning to milk my cows and get the mi k of the visitor rose to a fever heat, and from
faint, a peace was patched up. Another row
to the station in time for the train at being so long restrained boiled over with
soon began, ending as before. The prince
b o’clock. I have a hired man, of course. My double fury. He gave the editor his choice,
throughout the proceedings was convulse.l
hired man is a boy about 10 years old, an I either to publish a very humble recantation
with laughter. Somehow the affair reached
if you ever had to wake him up in the or take a Hogging on the sjiot. Either al
the ears of the French ambassador in Lon
morning you’d think he’d just taken ternative was* worm wool, but what could
chloroform. 1 get so mad at that boy he do? The enraged office-holder was twice don, and he wrote to Lord Granville about
•when I am a little late in the morning that 1 his size, ami at one blow would qualify him it. Then the truth had to come out. It
wasn't M. Waddington at all, but “Bull Run”
sometimes almost l«»*e my temper.
He for an obituary notice. He agreed to re
Russell, who hud dressed up to represent
slrei ss ) hard that be might be kidnaped tract; an 1 as the visitor insisted upon writ
him, the whole thing being concocte 1 by
and given a Russian I ath without waking ing the retraction he himself sat down to
Lord Charles Beresford for the amusement
up. When you once do get him waked up the task. Squire 8. made an excuse to walk
he’s ail right, though, for the day. Then we I to the printing office, with a promise he of the prince of Wales.
Such was last year’s fun, and here is what
go out to the barn and start a fire in a boiler I would be back in season t>» sign it as soon as
hapjiened this year. After dinner when, a.s
to warm the feed for the cows, and w hile it was finished.
8. had hardly gone fifty yards when he before, all the guests w'ere assembled in the
.that is warming we clean out the stables.
Did you ever take hold of a pitchfork on a encountered a man who inquired wheie <irawing-room, an old women, dressed in a
French costume with very short skirts, sud
cold winter’s niom.ug? Well, the handle of Squire 8.’s office was and if he was at
a pitchfork is the coldest thing theie is. It’s home. Suspecting that be too was on the denly made her ap)>earance, and, one of the
company
being requested to play some lively
colder even than the village trustee you same errand as the other visitor, he pointed
opera bouffe airs on the piano-forte, she pro
voted for on the morning alter his election. ' to the office and told him he would find the
If tLe thermometer is 10 degrees below zero , editor within, writing a most abusive arti ceede«! to dance the can can. At last she sat
in the morning the handle of the pitchfork , cle against office-holders. This was enough. <lowm amid a round of applause, and then a
will be 15 degrees below, and it’s a peculiar | The eyes of the new-comer flashing fire, he (¡uadrille was formed, the old wAman re-
species of pvnvtrating cold that goes right i rushed into tho office and assaulted the (¡nesting the prince to lie her partner. Al
through the thickest mittens. After you’ve • stranger with the epithets, “liar, scoundrel, though not exactly the projier thing, he
After the
quadrille
had hold of that pitchfork about six minutes coward,” and told him he would teach him couldn’t refuse.
she as suddenly disappearod, Mid peo
you’ll begin to wish that your perente ha I I how to write.
were
wondering who she
was,
i eon born on different sales of the globe and | The gentleman, supposing it was some ple
the door was
thrown
open
bully sent there by the editor, sprang to his when
never m t each other.
and
in
w
’
alke
1
bir
Harry
Keppyl.
It
-Well, when you get the cows milked you | feet, an I a fight ensue«i. The table was u|>- needed but a glan e to see that he it was who
go and clean off the horse you are going to | set and smashed into firewood, the contents
had been masquerading as the ancient
dr. ve to the station with the milk, or rather of a large j ug of ink stood in puddles on the French damsel, and gr« at was the merriment
you lot your hire I boy do that and you g«* floor, the chairs had their legs und backs
thereat. Sir Harry Keppel is a man of 75,
in and get your breakfast--salt pork, fried broken beyond the skill of surgery to cure
and, notwithstanding his age, is one of the
potatoes, anil coffee, all very weak I ut til*' | thorn. This seemed only to inspire the com prince’s most constant companions an I fol-
I ork. When you get back from tho station ! batants with still greater fury. Blow fol
1« wers. Fancy a man of his age, and an
ii will be atout 9 o'clock, and four hour*’ lowed blow with the rapidity of lightning.
admiral of the fleet, consenting to such an
work done. While you have been gone the i First one was kicking on the floor, then the
exhibition
of want of dignity on his part!
hired man has fed the horses, the pigs, and other, each taking it in turn pretty equally.
Mrs. Cust, the lady at whose housj this
t. o chickens—-if he has done his duty. Now The ink on the floor found its way to their
sort of tomfoolery occurs every year for the
cemrs the business of watering them, cows faces, till both of them cut the most ludi
delectation of “Tummy,” is a woman of over
and alt You will find in the country that a crous figure imaginable.
The noise ami uproar were tremendous. 60. She is a Scotchwoman, and a Mi.-s Mac
benefit lent Providence has situated all barns
donald, daughter of the chief of Clanranal l,
about lbO feet from the pump. It is a special The neight ors ran to the door and exclaimed
and very plain in looks. She is an aunt of
di ponsation so that you shall not become with astonishment that two niggers were
the present earl o Brownlow.
effete for want of exercise. You take two fighting in Squire S.’s office. None dared
big puils to
the pump, till them, separate them. At length, completely ex
Climate and Products.of liamt cliatku.
The circum
and stagger
back
to
the
barn, hausted, they ceased fighting.
[Nature.]
and the water splashes over from the pails stances of the case became known, and the
The hills are covered with forests of fir.
into your 1 o >tlegs as you walk, and which is next day, hardly able to sit on horseback, larch, cedar, birch, etc., and in these are
very cooling when the thermometer is below their heads bound up, they started home- found numeix u* wild animals such as the
zelo. And you wouldn’t believe how much ward, carrying with them the most striking fur sable, the otter, foxes of all colors, and
the b usts will drink when you bring it to evidences of their attempt to redeem their the bear, which latter, on account of the
’em. It you turn them out to a trough they honor.
great supply of food, attacks neit^ r man
w ill take al out twoswallowsof water apiece.
Miss Morosini.
nor the domestic animals.
is curious to
Ii you carry it to them in ¡»ails they will
[Brooklyn Eagle.]
note that the squirrel, which is universal in
drink three pailfuls apio» e out of pure cuss
How absurdly the descriptions of Miss Siberia, is not found here at all. Swans,
edness, just for the sake of seeing you carry Morosini were exaggerated in the newspa wild ducks, etc., are found in great quanti
it. Alter you get the animals all watered pers. In tend of the beautiful creature I ex ties in the lakesan 1 marshes in the interi r.
you and the hiied man chop feed enough t.<? ígete I to tee, when she sang at Steinway and their eggs, as well as the birds them
last lor the remainder of the day and the hall, I found a stumpy sort of a woman with selves, are taken in | r at numbers by the peo
next morning. The chopper turns like a a face that might have belonged to a ple. Fi-h, which throng the rivers in enormous
Waterbury watch, and when you have housemaid or a cook and with awkward numbers in the summer, form the principal
“chopped" for half an hour you will be will und uncomfortable manner«. 1 have come to food of the natives. For the in«»st part they
ing to go through the machine yourself and the conclusion that Schelling is not to be so are salmon, and are dr.ed and store I up for
come out in small pieces rather than turn it much envíe I after all.
Miss Moiosini poi- the winter, but owing to the scarcity ami
any longer. The man who invented these sesses about as much pretensions to beauty as dearness of salt the fish fre<]uently become
cutters ought to be treated that way, just ns an average shot» factory girl, and she sings rotten, an«i the people suffer great privation.
they utilized Mr. Guillotine upon Ins own in in the high and somew hat nasal soprano pre
The rigor of the winter is much softenod
vention in France.
valent in boarding-house back parlors.
He by ocean currents, which create those
“13y the time the feed is chopped it is time seems to feel rather discouraged, as it is, thick, continuous fogs that render the coast so
to feed all the animals at noon, and then you though his wife is in a fair way to make dangerous to navigation. The total popula
go in to dinner. Alter dinner you exchange money. The talk about her singing in grand tion of both sexes is put down at only 6,500
complimento with your w ife, w hile the hired opera, or even opera of any sort, is the wild souls, but owing to the total ab-ence of agri
man chops the wood. (You will please ob est sort of nonsense. If ¡»eoplo want to go and culture, and to the primitive methods adopted
serve what a soft thing a hired man has on a see Miss Victoria Morosini Schelling Huls- for winter, these are frequently in a state of
farm. If he only knew it he might get a kamp simply l»eeau-e she has become notori semi-starvation. For all except bare food
great deal mon» pleasure out of existence by ous as a banker’s daughter who married a they have to look abroad—-clothes, utensils,
uerv.ng a term in a state prison.) If there is coachman, they are at liberty to do so, of tea, tobacco, etc.. and all these they purchase
not anything ¡articular to do after dinner course, if they are willing to pay $1.50 for by means of their fur sable, which is une
throughout the winter, there is always one the sight. It would be perhai>s just as well qualed in any other part of the world.
resource. That is Sprouting* potatoes. You not to rave about the beauty and genius of a
The question whether agriculture is possi
see, all the ¡potatoes in a warm cellar begin woman who is not attractive in the slighted ble in the peninsula has never yet been an
to sprout toward spring, and it the sprouts degree, n rend<>w.»d with more than the most
swered. Markets exist in the ports of east'm
grow too long they entwine together and ordinary of musical accomplishments.
Siberia, which are at present supplied with
make the potateea solid, besides decreasing
such articles as salt meat, butter, cloth, and
the genitive power of the vegeta 4e. Ii
An Embarrassed Inventor.
hidM from San Fiancisco. The main obsta
there is one thing that is j erfectly heavenly
[Boston Herald.]
cle to agriculture is the excessively damp
it is to sit up n a reversed peck measure in a !
Among the regular passengers on a certain and constantly foggy climate. The sun sel
potato« bin and sprout potatoes hour after Bost«»n railroad is a somewhat celebrated dom shines, and does not, therefore, give
ho r by the light of a lantern while you ex chemist, who has lately compounded a mix enough warmt h f« r the grow th of rye and
change stories from tho almanac with your ture tor the cure of cholera. The other wheat. The trade is almost wholly w’ith
hired man.
evening ho was iti conversation with tho con California, and as there is little or no money
“Thus you occupy yourself in wint- r. • ductor regarding his discovery, and being there it is carried on by a system of ex
When gentle spring, diphtherial mildnes , very much interested in its wonderful me change, the natives offering their sable
come-«, you begin to get r ady for the sum dicinal properties, he raised his voice so a* to skins in return for such goods as they re
mer. Pt foie the snow is off the ground you attract the attention of all tho passengers in quire.
begin to cart your fertilizer out to the fie id- the car. “Why,” said he, “my niedicino will
Flattering a Bahl-Headed Man.
soas to take advantage of the sleighing to knock the cholera higher than a burnt boot.
[New York Cor. Inter Ocean.]
get it ti ene. Y< u al-o take down your rail 1 wish it would come here, and I would show
I think th it generally women are less sus
lent e-and put them up again because t.«v [ you how quick I would conquer it and make
snow will have thifted them all, and you ' my fortune besides” “What’s the matter ceptible to flattery than men. It isn't pos
must get that done before the plow ing sea>oi> ! With your going out there where it is and sible that any living woman would have
begins.
You begin to plow as soon as ths wrestling with it?” blandly suggested the failed to detect the humbug to which a bar
fix» t gets out of the ground, and with thh genial conductor. ‘ Why, I might catch it ber successfully subjected a man in my pres
rtal << n in, ncement of the agricultural sea myself,” innocently^ replied the would-be ence tho other day. The customer ha«i a big
son your work begins. You have been i cholera exterminator, and the roars of l»al«l spot on the l»aek of his head. The
re ting all wmt r to prepare for it
laughter tiiat tilled the cars at that moment faintest furze was barely visible on the pol
In brushing the remnant of
11 thiough the lovely, leafy month ot »o confused the worthy inventor as to cause ished scalp.
hair the barber included the denuded sur
June you «jend your time hoeing the pota j Ids sudden retirement to the smoking car.
face. carefully extending an imaginary part
t<-es. coin, etc*. TT.e invention of the Color- |
ing directly through it, and then using the
uuo Iwetle hat added another pleas.ng coni-
«Josh Billings.
brush in a way that would have arranged
p.nation to the raising of j otatoes, for you
[Joe H«»wanl in Boston Herald.]
now 1 ave an opj»ortunity to amuse yourself |
I don’t know w hether you like J«»ah Bil the hirsute cover.ng if there had been any.
b> sprinkling them with Faria green and lings in B«>ston 1 like him. I doubt if
“What on earth made you do that?” 1 sub
water, wh ch only make» them rat and en there can l>e found in all the realm of ec sequently asked him.
riches the druggist y*i u buy the stuff of. centricity an individuality more altsolute, an
“1 eciuse I would have offended him by
low aid tie lattei’part of June and the first odoity more original, an author who has recognizing his t*al«in«»as,’’ was the reply,“and
of July you I egin haying, and now y< u work | given vent to more common sense, clothed by ignoring it I tickled him migbtdy."
alxuit twenty two hours a day. Brtw< en the I in Liking and interesting garb than thL-
Ahr Misunderstood.
t.r»t and sec »ml crop of hay ther« is ju t samo J«*h Billings. If he were to stand
al<»ut t ine enough to hoe everything again, erect he to about six feet six inches tall, well
He had an auburn-haired girl, and prom
and after the second crop you begin harvest proportioned, and very fine looking. He ised to take h r out riding. Rhe met him at
dug. ?ndoh, what joy unspeakable it is t« ha* a very heavy, largo head, thick, black the door wht n he drove up, an«i he ex
nig potaV»es and bind oata and perform Vair, which falls upon hi« stooping «houl- claimed. “Hello! ready P Rhe misunder
< tin r sitiiilar operations upon grain and veg ' •iers. He carries his head well forward, and stood him, and they don't speak now.
t tables. Tl a lasts until the < old weather, | elevates his back so that the ordinary caind
ami then you have all the grain V» thresh would grow green with envy.
The engravings for Harper s Monthly cost
and all tl.s cum to hu*k. and you come tu
• 100,OK) a year. The Century has spent as
The 4-year-old that called it “Thank much as $6,000 tor illustrations for one
market, ss 1 have done to-day, once in a
stuffin dav” was not far out of the way.
articV
guai whiU"
HIE ORCHESTRA.
A PEEP AT THE LITTLE ROOM UNDER
THE STAGE.
Arrival of the Mualclaus—The Drummer
and Illa Many-Sided Calling—The
Trombone*. Closet Skeleton—At
Last the Leader.
[New York Time«.]
Underneath the stage, a little to the right
of the center, is a small room, to which en
trance is effected by a wooden door. The
furniture of tho room consists of a wooden
hem h running aloug three sides, a rough
w.sxien table in the conter, and a few wooden
chairs. A piece of cracked looking-glass
hangs on the wall close to a flickering gas
light, encased in a wire netting, which does
not aid its brilliancy. The side of the room
which is not trimmed by the bench is pro
vided with a large wooden closet, whose
shelves are loaded with sheets of music nnd
music-books. The air has an odor of ancisnt
beer and stale tobacco. There is no ventila
tion save what comes through the door when
it is open. Presently a footstep is heard
and a man enters hastily. He throws off
liis overcoat, haugs up bis hat, and mumb’.es
something like an oath in very wry necked
German. He is a short, thick-set man, with
a sagacious countenance and a broad fore
head that would do credit to a statesm m.
He unlocks the closet and begins to bike
down some of the music-books. This, thon,
is the gentleman whose life is spent in all
earnest endeavor to knock the immortal soul
out of the bass drum. He likewise plays the
tympani, or kettle drums, the snare drum,
the triangle, the bell harmonica, the child’s
rattle, tile baby squeak, the champagne
popper, the railroad locomotive imitator,
the telegraph ticker, and the clog dance
bio ks; and he can, when souls are to be tor
tured. extract misery from the xylophone.
Ho is tho arsis of music—the acute accent of
melody. He is likewise the librarian of the
bund.
He takes down the parts of the opera which
i-. to be performed and also the score. Piling
them up in bis arms he ascends a short flight
of wooden steps and crawls out of a little door
which looks like the entrance to the cuddy of
a small yacht. He places each part upon its
proper stand, {though he occasionally plays
havoc
uh the first few bars of the
overture by putting the first oboo’s
part on the first cornet’s desk), and
then deposits the score upon the lead
er’s desk with a loud thump and a grunt
of relief.
Then ho goes over to his own
corner—the end of the orchestra on the right
ot the audience—and examines his various
instruments of torture. The snare drum is
oracod up and
the
bass drum is
placed in t e idlness for action. The
wi oden
covers
are
removed from
the tympani and laid away where they will
not interfere with his exertions in the course
of the evening Then he dives down into
the band room once more, and brings up his
other instruments. This being a genuine
Comic O|iera. no burlesque noises are ad
mitted, so he brings up only the triangle and
the liell harmonica. There is a sunset scene
ill the O[iera, and the composer has, of
cour e, introduced the distant, rhythmic
iieat of tho village chimes. The drummer,
having placed these things in their proper
places, disappears once more in o a room.
It is not a Isitid room.
Presently another man enter the little room
under tile stage. He carr.es a fat, black casi
under his •• rm. He dejiouts the case on the
table, ana slowly unwinds a red worsted
scarf from around his neck. Having un
rolled some half-dozen yards, he folds It care
fully, and inserts it in the inside breast
pocket of his overcoat. Thon he takes off
his lint and hangs it on a hook in a corner
Next he slowly, and with many a grunt,
divests himself of his overcoat, which he
spreads upon the table, and carefully folds
up. after« ard laying it tenderly away on the
top shelf of the cl >set Then he produces
from an inner pocket a pipe and a bag of
tobacco. He fills the pipe, lights it, and sits
down for a comfortable smoke. He is a thin,
weakdooking man.
Something apjx*ars to
have been wasting his physical forces. His
face is pinched and his neck Is a mass of
swollen veins and enlarged cords. Who is he?
What is he? Presently he draws a piece of
chamois skin from his pocket, and then opens
the black c ase and brings forth his instru
ment. The secret is out! He plays the bass
trombone.
Poor fellow! He immediately gazes at the
in trument and heaves a deep sigh.
He is
thinking, no doubt, ot what might have been
He is suffering from the mental agony of a
man who realizes too late he has chosen the
wrong pa* h in life. If he had only had some
kind friend to advbe him in his youth, some
one to wai n him of the pitfall into which lie
was walking, some one to tell him to choose
the humble but cheerful province of a second
flute player, with his piccolo by his side and
his frequent intervals of semibreve rests!
But alone in the world, in the blind enthu
siasm of youth, he chose the I ass trombone
and has ever since been slowly but surely
blowing the breath out of his body and soul
into eternity.
Then come the clarionet players, sleek, com-
fortable-looking fellows, who play a difficult
instrument, but a satisfying one. For have
they not solos of surpassing beauty and
cadenzas of rare brilliancy to soothe them?
And have they not. moreover, the deep satis
faction of playing in A. B flat, or C. Next
comes the oboe. He is another sad-eyed
melancholy wight. And well he may be. All
his life hr has been pprsuing a fleeting
shadow—pure, mellow tine. Vainly has he
st. iven bl find the soul of his instrument
but can not. He would be satisfied if he
knew that his oboe had no soul, but alas! he
has heard Eller.
The cornets soon drop in presumptuous
self-assured men. They know that they can
drown out the rest of the orehe-tra having
frequently tested the power of their own
embouchure. The first and second trombones,
quiet and unobtrusive men; the second
violins, sad and disappointed with life* the
violas, ashamed of the inward consciousnew
that they cannot more than half play their
own instrument« and yet eager to shine forth
in Berlioz s -Childe Harold ’ symphony • the
k-ello. an artist and a wit; the horn, fear
ful of slips anil reminiscent of one
perfect performing of that dread pas-
sage in the “Eroica, ” and the double bass
big and strong as an ox, all stroll in one bv
one as the hour of s approaches. The first
violins, self important, accomplished musi
cions, jovial companions, and marvelous con
sumers of beer, bounce in at almost the last
minute anil liegin to crack jokes at the ex
pense of the drummer, who has by this time
returned. At tl.e very last moment the con
ductor, who has tamed a few moments on
the stage to call the tenor’s attention to a
sad blunder which he made on the previous
OUht. rushes into the room and throws off
his hat and overcoat.
The leader, in full evening dress, draws on
his white gloves. At this moment a bell in
tlie c irner of the room is violently rung. The
musicians rise, crawl out through their little
door, and take their seats, The first coronet
sounds his A. the clarionets and fluu« do like
wise, and forthwith, for a minute, there is a
paiali tuouium of s< raping, as the strings get
Then, as all
themselves into tune,
the leader
settle back into silence,
u iuv
..ww
issues from the
little
door -__ and takes
his
and tapn
Ills xvit. He
!.. raises
. .
'
‘ baton
•
wivn it.
un his
¿1» dusk,
.L. Then he ca^ta a
sharply f with
it on
see -- if all are ready,
glance around him 4 to
------
__ German
and mumbles
tome which, being
translated, i»: “Two in a bar, gentlemen.”
translated, is:
Then he taps again with the baton, and,
raising it aloft, poises it over his head while
he glanc'es around at his men. Every bow
is raised, every wind instrument is at its
player's lips ttlRi ^he drummer's sticks art*
elevated above the head of the larger kettle
drum tune«l in A. Ti e leader’s head lurches
suddenly forward, his baton descends swiftly
and emphatically, and all the instruments
burst simultaneously into the grand tutti
with which the overture begins.
R eo S thh
-1 baolutel
Free from Opiutea, Fmitica alui
SAFE.
SURE.
PROMPT.
A t D buuoht * àmu O kaiíih *.
uso«.-
True Courage.
[Southern Bivouac.]
In all ages, courage oil tho battle-field has
been the theme of «»ratora and i>oet«, yet the
courage of tho warrior is not only a common
an«i variable quality, but has often been sur
passed by that displayed by women. Native
valor, too, is sometimes inferior to that which
is acquired. Frederick the Groat ran like a
coward out of his first battle. Flying on the
wings of fear, he went a great distan e from
the field, and. coming to one of his own
strongholds, reported that his army was de
stroyed. What was his surprise and mortifi
cation to learn that his men had gained a
great victory. He never forgot the lesson
taught, and ever afterward was conspicuous
tor steady courage in action.
Many instances might Le given ot soldiers
in the last war who, in their first fight, were
“lily-livered,” but wl.o aft rward faced wita
dauntless front the gleaming steel; and on
the other hand, of some who were lion-
hearted till taught by the pain of a wound
the fierils of a battle, and who then became
notable cowards. Bravery in action, though
more admired, is really not as great as that
displayed in passive suffering. Th-? woman
who sticks to her post in the pe tilential
chamber is far braver than Ahxander
charging at the head of his cavalry.
Whitehall Times: Small sins are*tho polku#
dots of character.
Cure» Rheumati«!«
Hurknrhe. Hondark* ___
Si.mlr», Bnilsw-tU-Ai,
l’k!< E. HFTYCLM
AT KRL'GGISIS AND dlg,
THKCHABLK8 A- MH.EU K < «>.. •« H.TlWhZl.ll.
APiRim
(’nr«‘S ConstlpaUn®, g
licu»lnche and UU ìom
It prouiotes thè
and invigorat st’iobto*.
t<> which it innartatoMi
vigor, andcuioka thidi
ti ve organa lo perfum(
fmictioua with tuo udì
peditiun. lui» pievani
thè tasto, portabla iuta
and givts immediata n
in all ordlnary aUmeaia v
ing fumi a dimcdffi
Htomach or constlpeldllg
z Take no Bubstitute, tati
’•manti tlia geuniue Tu
Sick-Headache
AND
Ellen Terry’s Dog.
[Boston Courier Interview]
“Such a funny thing happened when wo
were coming to Boston from Buffalo. Tho
train stopped at a station—I have forgotten
the name of it—and Fussie jumped off. The
bell rang, and off we started. When the
depot was a mere speck in tho distance I sud
denly missed Fussie. ‘Where is he'?’ I asked,
and Harris, my maid, said he jumped off at
the station, and she did not think he g«^t on
again.
•
“ *Oh, stop the train!’ I cried, and, you will
hardly believe it. but they did. We were
going back to the depot and there was Fussie
coming on as fast as his legs could bring him.
There was never anything like the people in
this country for kindness of heart and will-
ingness to oblige anyone.”
EFFEHVESCEHT au
CURE FOR
DYSPEPSIA
ranl’s 1. ffe r ve »tei
Seli zer A peritili, »¿i
can ho found in evetyii
rejulated drug store,
HALL’S
SARSAPARILU
Cures all Diseases originating front
disordered state of the BLOOD t
LIVER. Rheumatism, Neural;»
Boils, Blotches, Pimples, Scrofuli
Tumors, Salt Rheum and Mercuni
Pains readily yield to its purifyis,
properties. It leaves the Blood pet
the Liver and Kidneys healthy and th
Complexion bright and clear.
J. R. CATES <fc CO., Proprietors
As Go<xl Luck Would Have It.
417 Saneome St., San Francisco.
[French Paper.]
There are some people in this town, you see,
that cannot refrain from the most odious
practical jokes. For in dance, the other night
I came home from the theatre, altogether
unsuspicious of any treachery, and, lo! and
behold, when I go to oj en the door I fine’
that some dude and mugwump has gone an«,
-rneared the handle all over with pitch
Luckily I didn’t have my glove « n!
“Burial on the installment
is an
nounced in Philadelph.a a» “putting n*.spo<*t
able burial within the reach of all.”
SENATOR BOONE’S OPINION OF
DRS. DARRIN.
[San Francisco Chronicle.]
The reporter wended his way to the office of
Scrivner & Boone, attorneys-at-law, 320 Cali
fornia street, with the view of applying the re-
Sjrter’s exhaust pump to the lion. John L.
oone. who was cured by Drs. Darrin. Upon
stating the object of his visit he found Mr.
Boone an enthusiast on the subject of his treat
ment and cure. He said:
“I was troubled with eczema, which had at
tacked my nose. This gave me the appearance
of being a hard drinker, when, as a matter of
fact I have always been most abstemious in the
usejjf liquors. I was for ten years under treat
ment with the best physicians in the city. In
stead of getting better I got worse, though one
of my doctors, I am satisfied, did the best he
could for me. Indeed, he declared that he
would stake his reputation as a physician on
my case, an«i if he failed would consider him
self disgraced. So great was my annoyance
that it threatened to drive me from my profes
sion. Finally, becoming disgusted with these
repeated failures, I consulted Dr. Darrin and
placed myself under his care. My improve
ment was immediate, and after a few days, to
my inexpressible relief, the disagreeable erup
tion was entirely removed. D r . D arrin s
MAGNETIC TREATMENT CURED ME.
This WftS
more than two years ago, and none of the symp
toms have since reappeared. Dr. Darrin is a
well-read, scientific and skillful man, and I am
glad to testify to his attainments. My previous
experiments nad cost me large sums of money,
which was worse than thrown away. One
thousand dollars would not tempt me to again
become similarly afflicted, if I could not again
come under this man’s treatment.”
A LADY’S THANKSGIVING.
To THE P ublic : Tb'a is indeed a Thanksgiv
ing Day for me, and I know of no better way
to express my thanks than by giving the public
the marvelous way in which Drs. Darrin of 113
Stockton street, San Francisco, cured me of
deafness. I had been deaf a long time, which
had gradually come upon me. I applied to the
Doctors, and through their magnetic treatment
I am restored. MRS. M. C. PETERSON.
928 Pacific street. S. F.
November 25, 1886.
Dr. Darrin can be seen daily at his parlors,
113 Stockton street, San Francisco, from 10 A.
M. to 8 P. M. The poor treated free of charge
9 to 10daily. Send for circular. Examination
free.
Three negroes were lynched car llood-
town, S. C.
A LOVELY COMPLEXION.
“What a lovely complexion,” we often
hear persons say. "I wonder what she
does for it?” In every case the purity and
loveliness of the complexion depends upon
the blood. Those who have sallow, blotchy
faces may make their skin smooth and
healthy bv taking enough of Dr. I’ierce’s
‘ Golden Medical Discovery” to drive out
the humors lurking in the system.
ST1
C dujardins )
LIFE ESSENCE
FOR CONSUMPTION
AND WASTINC DISEASES.
^EVF.Il fails to arrest '<apid Loss uf Flesli
and Strength, diniinislif s ('ou^hfChmki
Exhaustive Night Sweats, n» matter from what
oause, cures Bronchitis, Asthma, Scrofula and
Debility, lilt MARI’IN.-r w Y-rk,tl«e»
nentSiKiciidist and Authority on ('«•iiHUinptloa,
states in his Treatise on “Tin? C ur .« or C ot -
S umption ,” that “he has found Dujardinli
ijfe Essence invariably arrests the rapid loe
of flesh, and invigorates the entire nervoui
svsteTn, and has reeoniniended ‘ Pnjiuxiin'i
UfeEssence* to thou and rf hispatientivto
the most marvellous results.”
IGAN B
It Is as PALATABLE as CREAM,
imptly At
EASILY DICESTEO.
The Weakest and Young#»«
can take it.
F or S alk by all D ruggists .
P rtcb . $1.60
)RPI
Bl
A Ntrictl
SNELL, HEIT8HU A W00DA1D,
Portland. Orwron.
o
BOOKS contain information
from the markets of the world. » '
will mail a copy FREE
dress upon receipt of 10 cts. to defr1?
expense of mailing. Let us hear fre*
you.
l<xxl(t) Chi
The BUYERS’ GCTDM to
issued Sept, and Mart*«
each year.
x 11* , inches,with over
3,SOO illustratioas-*
whole Picture Galleff» i
GIVES Wholesale Pi*rt
direct to eonjtttmerit on all good* f°r
personal or family use. Tell» how W
order, and gives exact cost of evetF
thing you use, eat, drink, wear«
have fnn with. These INVALVABb*
rpli
TONS«
only first c U m
it • clama
door aouth t
Re Apert fully,
MONTGOMERY WARD A CO*
8V7 * 221» Watewh Aven.r. CMeM* •
TTTB
PALPITATION 0i THE HEART.
SETH THOMAS
DR. FLINT’S HEART REMEDY cures
palpitation of the heart, which may be the
result of cardiac disease, and when not, is
sure to give rise to some one of the many
forms of cardiac trouh e. At druggists.
»1 .50. Descriptive treatise with each bot
tie ; or address J. J. Mack &Co., S. F.
Apply to your druggist for Irish May
Flower. _______
_______
At the front, Irish May Flower, 75 eta.
'he Best
PER BOTTLE.
J. C. M Iler w^R ahot and probably
fata!ly wounded by G. N. Walker in
M ashington.
G et Lyon’s Patent Heel Stiffeners ap
plied to the new boots and they will never
run over.
Cornar Tl
BestWalchin America
for the Price.
A ■ R T
k R —
f n Toxro, n OM
*- «U
•‘rs
«h..
I*
a milk
milk on wh
Mh half a tea
P lhe milk,
• until twen
m Pnt a tabl
ai niece of 1
Butes. This,
Q fulnu*< > p o bozJSB»t
■*'
bypïrra-B prvpsiA
«ookin» ~Bn
Ready Remedy : Insh May Flower. 75c.
—
Iey from <
' a spider,
'etest tlowei
-It makes t
give up wis
'ring what i
at is given i
-No N’orwe
N a beau un
d the conseq
ppt in this co
I masters the
fitful-lookin
d spoiling bt
Wreo? 'VUnt
1» r M V. No. 1« -S. r. N V
**