Ml
SEMI-WEEKLY
NFAUCY.
mplex one, wd
consider uotot)
i surrounding £
re imporinntoJ:
to diheasc, -rv
he uelf-indul *
aeir children
dems and
h result It
life of pro
0 of the ci
*d 1,1 ‘he hm S
ce stock exhu]!
MHiual. It WwJ
f > enter into.»
y which iuUuei7
hey are, howev«
to the individiai
he race ia Mini
is an uudoubij
just aa much»
W e see no SUti
ct developments
existed titly
hildren in and;,
11 witueaa am^L
> will at the «a,
> nervous ur8u.
nore nervouad,
enervating enii.
e aleeping »¡»a
attendant, wh
eut, and we me
in the feeblent,
v trouble» con
ha before I ,,
«serliou maj >
of to-day, ?,
;, there must r,
The peril of th
tlie adverse co»
a incapabilltj
lie due in agn«
„condition of 1»
t something
teakneaa in
underatandt
trength of
the health
it the name
ieaa, the nt
less aicknen
gthen a feed*
ass struggle h
itinction, ani
lood or
tents of neni
otpoweren
from food,
nedicine.
at the nen
tth, the co
linen, protagx
9 L ife Essuq
»1 in a p
even for feeh
.etier remed,i.
; h per bottleI
hu & W
I, Or.
irCASTORU,
for CASTO Bit,
g toO
them
has seized
South Paci
ass or loar i
ever indu«
ired. Encía
of i articulo
,1 Associati«
Australi* ri
8 aere.
•nd Iron. M
hy appetiti
WEST SIDE
VOL. I.
M’MINNVILLE, OREGON, SEPTEMBER 10, 1886
WEST SIDE TELEPHONE.
-----Issued-----
EVERY TUESDAY AND FRIDAY
Talmagre A Turner,
Publisher» and Proprietor».
SUBSCRIPTION RATES:
e year......................................................... |2 00
r munths........................................................ 1 25
roc months...................................................
ntored in the Postoffice at McMinnville, Or.,
as second -class matter.
V. V.
JOHNSON, M. D.
Northwest corner of Second «id B streets,
OREGON
cMINNVILLK
May be found at his office when not absent on pro-
oual business.*
LITTLEFIELD & CALBREATH,
and Surgeons,
hysicians
M c M innville
and lafayette . or .
J F. Calbreath, M D.. office over Yamhill County
.nk, McMinnville. Oregon.
H. R Littlefield, M. D., office on Main street,
ayette, Oregon.
S. A. YOUNG, M. D.
Physician and Surgeon,
iMINNVILLE
, •
-
-
OREGON
All calla promptly
eal Estate ani Insurance Agent,
e Leading Hotel of McMinnville.
P hotographer
,
1STEK POST BAND,
ery, Feed and Sale Stables,
HIP'•
I M»"«
»e i > m *
rii»»"'
HOM
G.U«t
Ir Pr*>
ood. *
i how’
t nW
rr»r ’
.VA»1’
THE CHECKERED APHON.
She put her checkered apron on. and tied it
round her waist—
No queen with jeweled d.adorn could be more
titly graced
And when she sauntered down the lane and
reached tho linden tree,
I thought I saw my com ng fate, whose name
was Kitty Lee.
I had not spoken much of love, though often
we had met—
And yet she answered something, onco, I
could not well forget:
But she was fair and rosv, and I thought
how nice twould be
If, when she tied that apron on, the tie was
meant for me.
The summer sun was nestling down beyond
the d stant hilIs,
One voice alone saluted us—the plaintive
whip poor-will’s.
I spoke about inv lonel'ness, of toils and
cares that fret.
And sho. with sooth ng readiness, was glad
that we had met.
One knows not how such little words proceed
from less to more.
But, somehow, we c ame nearer than wo ever
stood before:
And, when I saw the meaning that her beam
ing face supplied.
I found my arm was rusting where I saw that
apron tied!
And so I put the quest on that must happen
soon or late.
And found that Love was ready to obey the
call of Fate.
O Kitty Lee, I thank you—for when you that
apron t’ed.
You shaped a wondrous love-knot that won
you for my bride.
—Joel Benton, in Demorett’s Monthly.
A FINANCIAL FEAT.
How a Simple Girl and a Lawyer
Accomplished It.
Effie Ford with tear-stained face sat
amid a pile of formidable documents.
She was in deep mourning. Only one
week before, she h.-d laid away the re
DR. G. F. TUCKER,
mains of her only surviving relative, in
DKATIST,
the shadow of the cross-crownod church
It was a dismal prospect
MINNVILLB
-
-
OREGON, over the hill.
for a girl of seventeen, and one who was
ffice—Two doors east of Bingham’s furniture
absolutely ignorant of business. The
e.
ughing gas administered for painless extraction.
Fordshad always lived in luxury. But
on his death-bed, Mr. Ford called Effie
to him; his articulatio.i was imperfect,
CHAS. W. TALMAGE,
but she caught: “Bad investments,
mortgage bonds. Poor! Poor * * *
Barker will tell you.” A few gasps and
Conveyancing and Abstracts a Specialty.
it was over.
All day she had tried to bring order
LLECTING ATTENDED TO PROMPTLY!
out of chaos. At last with a sigh she
Office -Manning Building, Third street.
tossed the golden fringes from her fore
head, a« if even their light weight was
an oppression.
ST. CHARLES HOTEL
“It is useless,” she murmured, “lean
make nothing of anything.”
Then
suddenly she remembered: “Barker will
tell you.” The memory came with a
$1 and $2 House. Single meals 2d cents.
sigh of relief.
A servant answered the bell.
ina Sample Rooms for Commercial Men.
“Take this to Mr. Barker,” she or-
F. MULTNER. Prop.
dered, “and wait for an answer.”
It came in less than an hour.
“Mr. Barker will wait upon Miss
W. V. I»RiCE.
Ford at live.” She glanced at the clock.
It lacked five minutes of the hour.
Barker was a lawyer in the same
town. She had always known him, and
she remembered that he had been with
Up Stairs in Adams’ Building,
her father frequently before she w nt
to school for the last time. As he en
IMINNVILLE
-
-
-
OREGON
tered, Effie started. She had thought
of him as rather elderly, but the man
M’MINNVILLE BATHS!
who stood before her was extremely
iring bought out A 0. Windham, I am prepared to handsome, and perhaps double her sev
do all work in first-class style.
years.
lies’ and ewirens’ Work a Specialty! enteen
“You' are kind, Mr. Barker, to re
Hot and Cold Baths always ready for 25 centB.
spond so promptly. I did not know
VERY MAW AN A KT 1 MT. what to do, to whom to turn. I can
C. H. Fleming,
make nothing of papa's papers,” she
Third street, near O, McMinnville, Oregon.
sighed weariedly.
“Of course. What can you know
k o o t
about law?” and together they turned
to the perplexing pile.
,
'—DEALER IN—
Barker ran his eve over paper after
paper, and a startled look came inio
roceries, Provisions.
his eyes, keen lawyer's though they
Crockery and Glassware, were.
“Arc these all?” he asked.
goods delivered in the city.
“I believe so. Papa kept his papers
in that secretary; and, Mr. Barker, I
know from what he said, that there
were losses—that I shall not be very
well off. I do not mind,” she said
quickly, “other people are poor, why
The Best in the State.
notI?ri
ipared to furnish music for all occasions at*reason
“Some losses! Not as well off as she
able rates. Address
had been!” He regarded her queerly.
. .J. ROWLAND, Poor child! Did she know that house,
Business Manager, McMinnville.
lands, even the costly furniture was
covered with mortgages? No, and he
determined she never should know. Hi'
had no living relatives, and why should
M’MINN VILLE
he not do for this helpless girl what he
.would have liked some on to do for
sister or wife of his?
“There will be something left after
the debts are paid, will there not?”
Cornar Third and D Btroet., MeMinnvill.
The pretty pathetic eves looked
squarely into his. He could not answer
this child-woman with evasion. “If
GAN BROS. & HENDERSON, you
will trust to me, Miss Ford, I will
do my best. Your father trusted me
Proprietors.
upon several occasions.” (He did not
'he Beet Riga in the City. Orders add, if that father had been guided by
his judgment his daughter would not
imptly Attended to Day or Night,
now be penniless) “and I am confident
I know more of the business than any
one else.” He waited her reply.
“O, yes, and thank you. Mr. Baker.’ ’
With a childish, trustful motion, she
slipped her hand in his. Barker's ex
perience with women was bounded by
BILLIARD HALL.
aggressive little widows, and soul-ter
rifying Sally Brasses', and there was a
queer little flutter in his manner as he
A atrletly Temperance Resort,
bid her good night.
Mr. Ford's affairs were in a hopeless
|ood(T) Church members to the contrary not
withstanding
tangle. Ruin was inevitable. Such
wm Baker's verdict after a rcperusal
of the Ford papers.
••Poor little
thing!” he whispered to himself; “she
rphnns’ Home” shall never know if I can help it.”
Out of those deeds and mortgages
seemed to start the vision of a homo
TONSORIAL PARLORS,
Eden, where certain eyes looked into
Orel c I ms , and the only parlor like (hop tn the his with bewildering love. Bah! What
have sentimental love-dreams in com
city. None but
mon with an austere lawyer's office?
elans Workmen
Employed.
•
•
•
•
•
A
puzzled
face
appeared
at
the
office
door n>U of YomhIU Conati B»ok BuUdin».
of Barker & Hawkins one day. not
McMINNVIU.E. OREGON.
long after.
Office and residence on I) street.
wered day or night.
.
TELEPHONE
RPHANS’ HOME”
H. H. WELCH.
“1 am sorry to worry you; but see
■iere!” Bffie protlueu4 a slip of paper
which she held toward him. It stated
the existence of a note, covering ten
thousand dollars, principal and lnter-
■st, held by one Isaacs & Tooias,
brokers in a neighboring city.
“When did you receive this?” He
(voided looking at the captivating face
is much as possible.
“To-day; and, Mr. Barker, it must
be paid. The ten thousand vou saved
for me will just cover it. VVill you do
t for me?”
"Yes, Miss Ford. It is fortunate,
owever, that I changed the invest--
cent. By the new arrangement it has
doubled, lou can pay tips but ano
retain the same amount."
“I can? How nice! I thought I
would have to go out as nurse-maid oi
—something. Mr. Barker, when it
your client coming, who owns th
house? 1 feel as if I were an intruder,
somehow.”
“You are not. The favor is to him.
I have his word for it.”
She still lingered. “Mr.’Barker, you
have been so kind and good. I wish 1
could do something for you. If I can
ever, will you let me?”
“Yes, Miss Ford.”
Effie left the office with a queer dis
satisfied feeling at her heart. Down
the drowsing street, filled with lazy
shadows, she strolled. As she turned
a corner she collided with a rakish-
looking youth. He recovered hir.uelf
with an apology. There was such a
frank look in his bright, blue eyes,
that Effie took to him at once. He ac
companied her as far as the gate,
opened it, and, with a bow, turned
toward the open plaza. “What a very,
very nice, accommodating boy,” was
Effie’s mental comment.
She met tho “very nice boy’ fre
quently aftwr this. He was eighteen,
and quite idle. He obtained a conven
tional introduction—Bert Gwvnne was
his name—and he constituted himself
Efliie's veritable double. On the street,
at church, Mr. Bort Gwynne was al
ways present, and he assumed the atti
tude with such an of-course-it-is-agree-
able-to-you air. that Effie became in
censed, and determined to give him a
piece of her mind.
One day he commenced to poke fun
at “old Gabe Barker.” Then the
dynamite exploded.
■‘He's not old,” she flashed.
“Forty if he’s an hour.” insisted the
provoking.
“I say no is not,” declared the frank
little lady. “Any how he’s not a pre
suming boy;” groat acrimony in the last
words.
“He'll make you marry him after a
while; now you see. He bought up ev
ery one of those n >tcs,” cried the badly-,
conducted.
“What notes? Ten iiie!" Effie was
aflame.
“Your father's. Who do you sup
pose paid the debts? Why, Gabe Bark
er. out of his own pocket. This very
hous i is his," continued he.
“You are a wicked person, and I don't
believe one word you say,” burst out
Effie.
“It isn’t such a mighty thing after
all. I’d do ever so much more, Eflie,
if you'd let me. But you called me
presuming, and it made mo angry.”
“So yon are. I hate you, and I’m
going this minute to Mr. Barker.” She
flung on her hat.
“I wouldn't. Let it alone. He’s
well able to do it if he wishes.” Bert
thought he had never seen Effie so de
sirable, ns with that angry pout and
the infinite air of scorn with which she
regarded him.
*
•
•
«
•
“Mr. Barker, is it flo? Tell mo. I
will know;” with tear-flushed face she
raided in on him. “They say that papa
died—insolvent, anil—and you bought
up his no-otes, and—tell me!” she im
plored passionately.
“Effie, don’t! you will be ill. Who
told you such cruel things?” He shuf
fled his papers in agitation.
“Bert Gwynne. He says it is the talk
of the place, and----- ”
Heavens! What has she almost said:
“He'll make you marry him after a
while.” He marry her! such an insig
nificant nobody.
“Effie, listen; I am not going to deny
what I have done.”
“Then you did! oh!” She went
down by the stiff old client’s chair in
a heap, and hid her face in her hands.
“Child, what could I do? The cred
itors threatened. There was nothing
to pay them, and you looked so little
and helpless. Besides, it is only dis
charging an old obligation.
Yonr
father was very kind to me when I was
a poor lad. Effie, don’t be angry.’!
(Sob, sob from the rounds of the
chair).
“I^he house rours too?”
“By heavens, Effie, if yon ask me any
thing' more I'll deny every thing," des
perately.
"Is it. I say?” tempestuously.
“Yes."
Gabrielle Barker was as abashed as if
he had been confronted with selling il
legal whisky.
“Do you liold those notes?”
(“Confound that meddlesome Gwynne
noy; I'll thrash him to morrow, if I
live). Yes, Effie, but they are yours.
I have left them to you in my will.
Here they are,” laying a bundle in her
lap.
“Take them away. I will not have
th<-n>.” she said excitedly. "Unless—
Mr. Barker—you tell me how—I—can
pay—vou."
“Will you. if I tell you, Effie?”
He opened his arms, and she crept
close to his heart, whispering:
“Yes, Gabriel.”
•
•
•
•
•
“How conld you affb<d it? Didn't it
take quantities of money?”
“You remember an ancle who died
in California a year agor no lett me :i
hundred thousand dollars.
I hav
saved twenty-five thousand and the
house; so you won’t be quite destitute,
sweetheart.”
“Destitute? Sheba’s queen was nota<
wealthy. She didn't own myGabriol.”
They were married in the morning.
That evening, as they sat together in
the library (for they took no wedding
journey), he leaned toward his white-
robed treasure.
“Effie, will you burn those notes for
me?”
He kindled a bright blaze on the wide
hearth, and Eflie took the fat bundle
and commenced, woman-like, to untie
it.
“No, no!” he objected, “burn it so.”
“But it will burn quicker;” tho will
ful little fingers tugged at the strings
“I desire you not to open it. Effie.”
“But, Gabriel, I will.” Out dropped
a sealed letter, directed to “Miss Ellie
Ford.”
Underneath was scrawled:
“To be delivered in case of my death.”
The despoiling fingers closed upon it
greedily.
“No, Effie,” he pleaded.
“Gabriel,” solemnly, “listen, and
believe me; I snail never be really
happy unless I read this letter.”
“Eve thought the same.”
“Hush about Eve! 1 never ate any
interdicted apples,” and the ninetoenrn
century Eve deliberately seated herself
to enjoy her forbidden fruit. It was a
letter of impassioned love, but just at
its close was the clause he did not wish
her to see. It showed a jealous pang
at her preference for Bert Gwynne.
But that one sentence of renunciation
bound her to him more closely than a
world of protestations. “My true love,
how could you imagine such a thing!
That stupid boy! I should never have
loved you as well, Gabriel, if I hadn't
read this, for it shows you a noble f il-
lo w. ”— Till- Bits.
SINGULAR
DISEASES.
More
Kvery-Day Affliction» That
Are
Harmful Tua» Aphasia or Mlriatchit.
Among the most singular diseases
which have been developed in modern
times is that of aphasia, in which the,
patient loses the memory of certain
words, or rather the power to attach
the proper word to an idea, A victim
of this disease recently lost the ability
to pronounce any word but “Yes,”
while his brain was as active and cical
as before. He would read the morning
paper, and proceed to make lively com
ments on the news to his family, all of
which consisted of the single word,
“Yes,” uttered with every variety of
inflection. He, meanwhile, was totally
unaware that he was not speaking
with all his wonted fluency and
force. A cure was effected in this case,
and the mind of the patient was found
to be clear and untouched by this
strange ailment.
Another remarkable disease is nob'd
by an Americnn specialist in cerebral
affections, and also by a famous Span
ish physician, Arnianque Y. Tusq|.
Miriatcnit is a disease which originated
among the prisoners of Eastern Sibe
ria. The patient is irresistibly impelled
to imitate the words spoken by his
companion; he can, in fact, make no
other sounds than those which he hears.
This disease is chronic and contagious,
and is accompanied by fever, great di
lation of the pupils of the eyes and in
cessant laughter, and leaves the pa
tient exhausted, the events of the time
in which he has been affected being an
utter blank to him. After the attack
is past, the patient revovers his full
strength of mind, and loses the incli
nation to imitate like a mocking-bird.
Now, the story of these strange
diseases oppresses us like a nightmare
horror. But is there no more common
place mental ailment which has in it
even deeper loss and tragedy? A young
man, for example .gives himself up to
money-making, or a yonrrg girl to the
pursuit of fashion, for years, with the
result that they forget, not spoken
words, like the victim of aphasia, but
ideas, principles and feelings. The
soul, dwarfed and shrunken, knows
nothing of the wise, noble life once
possible to it, but goes about like an
imbecile, crying out: “Dress! dress!”
or “Money! money!” Or, the lad or
girl, just .setting out in life, afraid to act
from the law of common-sense and
conscience within, becomes a silly
imitator of others, and receives
from some one whom he or she re
gards as a social power, ideas of dnty,
or manners, even of religion. These
weak creatures do not, like the. Siberian
miriatshi', echo the words only of their
companions, but their thoughts ami
actions, and so become, in brain and
soul, base copies of poor originals.
When these singular neural diseases
are cured, the brain, we are told, is un
impaired. But for the commoner ail
ments we have described, there is no
c'^e. They attack the soul itself—Un
seat of life. Their work is not for this
world only, but for eternity.— Foiith's
Companion-.
'
-John Fierce, a Faterson black
smith, and three helper« the other day
(hod 135 horses “all around.” That
means that the four men handled 540
feet and shod them.— N. Y. Ban.
—Tn the United States every 200th
man takes a college course; in England,
■very 500th; in Scotland, evetj 615th:
»nd in Ger nany every 213th.— Chirac/»
Herald.
—The-largest barn in the world is
probably that of the Union Cattle Com
pany, of Cheyenne, near Omaha. It
"over» five acres, cost 9125,000 and ac
commodates 3,750 head of cat'1»
NO. 26
SUCCESSFUL TESTS.
Satisfactory Result« Obtained by Applying
OU to Heavy Heae.
The evidence of tho value of oil for
this purpose continues to be of the most
satisfactory nature, and fully justifies
the policy of the Hydrographic Office
in disseminating the facts as widely as
possible. The use of mineral oil is not
recommended, while the import nee of
carrying a supply of animal or vegeta
ble oil, to be used in emergencies, can
not be overrated.
Captain Wass, of the brig Moranoy,
while on a voyage from Rockport, Me.,
to Port au Prince, Hayti, encountered a
hurricane from southwest to northwest,
accompanied by a tremendous sea,
which washed his deck load overboard,
tore the tarpaulins from the hatches,
smashed the cabin windows, swept
away every movable thing about the
deck overboard, and did other damage.
Finding two feet of water in the hold,
and seeing his ship was threatened with
destruction, the Captain determined to
use oil. The vessel was hove to under
storm trysail. A small canvas bag filled
with shak,. -s, saturated with foiled
linseed oil, was hung at the weather
cathead; a swab saturated with kero
sene and boiled linseed oil was sus
pended over the side, abreast the main
rigging; two oil kegs, filled with kero
sene, were lashed on the rail, abreast
the fore rigging,
-~, and on the weather
Suarter, and Uu
_ie faucets turned so
tat the oil ran over the aide very
slowly. The effect was seen very soon
in the perceptible smoothing of the
previously breaking seas. The oil slick
extended at least two hundred yards to
windward of the vessel, and scarcely a
drop of water came on board after the
use of oil was begun. There were used
during tk gale five gallons boiled lin
seed, and three gallons kerosene oil.
The length of time during which the oil
was in use is not stated. Captain Wass
is a firm believer in the oil theory, and
never goes to sea without a supply.
Captain Davis, master of the bark
Jas. H. Borland, in an interview stated
that, on his last voyage from South
America to New York, during heavy
gales, with mountainous sea running,
he used oil to quiet the waters on Feb
ruary 26, March 1, and March 3, 1886.
He used four bags of oil, one from each
bow and one from each main channel,
with short lanyards attached, allowing
the bags to dip in the water at each roll
of the vessel. He made the experiment
both running before the wind and sea,
and hove-to, and iD -each case found the
oil to take the combers off the sea and
prevent the water from breaking on
board. He says that when running be
fore a heavy sea a vessel yaws a couple
of point.% and that when she does so the
seas sometimes break on board over the
opposite quarter, unless some method i»
found to rig the bags out so that the
oil will cover a sufficiently wide space
astern to prevent this. He recommend»
rigging spars out over the bows lashed
to the catheads, if they can be made
strong enough, and hanging the bags to
these so that the oil will sprq- d over a
surface twice the greatest beam of tho
ship. Bags hung from the fore yardarm
would not do, as the wind would blow
them inboard, the lanyards must be
short, and the bags weighted to prevent
the wind dashing them against the ship’»
side and blowing the oil on board. Cap
tain Davis used linseed oil; and, when
all of that was gone, He used common
varnish. The oil had the desired effect,
but the varnish was too thick, and did
not answer the purpose. One gallon of
oil per hour was used for the four bags
while running, and a less quantity would
be required when hove to. Iron ’«vita
would be the proper thing from which
to bang the bags. Vessels shor’d be
fitted, and oil carried for this purpose,
and not wait for a gale of wind and the
seas to break on board before commenc
ing to make preparations.
Captain McGregor, of the English
steamer Albano, reports to thia office
that he used oil on his last passage from
Baltimore to Dublin. Experienced very
heavy gales aDd seas from westward in
latitude 44 degrees 10 minutes N., long
itude 29 degrees 12 minutes W. I’laoed
two oil bags astern, filled with linseed
oil oakum. Previous to placing the bags
over the stern had taken heavy seas
‘aboard, flooding the decks, but after
towing the bags no more water came
aboard. The gale lasted three days,
with very heavy seas, but owing to the
oil, ran quite easy and took no water.
Used about seven gallons altogether.—
U. S.
Chart of the North Atlantic
Ocean
UK. DIO LEWIS.
The I.ate Founder of tho Movement la
Favor of Physical Culture.
Dr. Dio Lewis, who died recently at
his home in Yonkers-on-the-Hudson,
Was perhaps the best known author and
teacher of phys’eal culture in the United
States. He was a native of Auburn,'
New York, and was sixty-three years
old. He studied medicine in the Har
vard medical school, and began tho
practice of his profession in Auburn, In
1845, at the age of twenty-two. Two
years later he removed to Buffalo,
where he practised five years, and wrote
and published a number of papers on
the cau-.es and treatment of cholera,
which ravaged that city in 1849 and
1851. Dr. Lewis, during thosa years of
practice, became impressed with the
necessity of physical culture to prevent
disease, and in 1885 he gave u; the prac
tice of his profession and began a course
of lecturing and writing on the subject
of public and personal hygiene. During
four years, he lectured almost every
night, giving his days to the .. ventiou
of his new system of gymnastics. In
1860, having perfected this sys
tem, he abandoned the platform and
settled in Boston, where he established
his normal school for physioal training.
He was assisted in teaching by the cele
brated Dr. Walter Channing, Dr. Thos.
Hoskins,
and other
well-known
medical scholars, and within seven vears
more than four hundred persons hadbeen
graduated from his normal school, and
were spreading the principles of his sys
tem of physical training throughout
the land. 'He next established a sem
inary for girls at Lexington, Mass., his
object being to illustrate the possibili
ties in the physical development of
girls during their school life. This
seminary rapidly became popular, and
attracted pupils from all parts of the
country, and even from Central Amer
ica and the West Indies. Dr. Lewis re
mained in Boston until 1882, when he
removed to Yonkers and established a
magazine in that city,devoted to sani
tary and social science, and known as
Tho Lewis' Monthly. Dr. Lewis pub
lished a number of books on physical
culture which had a wide circulation.
Dr. Le vis’ last instructions were:
“Althougn I am averse to the somewhat
unpleasant notoriety which, as
cre
mation involves, my very strong con
viction is that it is the right disposition
of the dead. I leavo directions that my
body shall be cremated and that tho
ashes shall hot be put into an urn, but
in the earth, over which my wife may
lovingly plant forget-me-nots. I direct,
also, with my dear wife’s assent, that
all funeral parade and expense shall bo
avoided, and that my remains be placed
in a pine casket for removal to the cre
matory. I desire, also, that no flowers
may be sent by my friends.”
The incineration of the remains took
place at Fresh Pond, Long Island.—iS<.
Louis Globe-Democrat.
ANCIENT LAWS.
Some of the Most Popular En<lUh and
French Proverbs.
We English seem to have selected the
mouse as an emblem in our “As dumb
as a mouse;” the French have preferred
a glass, for they say “As dumb as a
glass.” We say “As deaf as a post;”
the French “As deaf as a pot” "As
dull as ditch water” Gallicized becomes
“As sad as a night-cap."
“Don’t
count vour chickens before they are
hatched" 1» changed into "Don’t sell
the skin of a bear before having killed
it” Instead of “Biting off one’s nose
to spite one’s face,” a similarly useless
experiment is illustrated by “Spitting
in the air that it may fall on one's
nose.” The self-evident impossibility
in the words “You can’t get blood out
of a stc ie” is represented by “One
could not comb a thing that has no
hair.” (This lost also “goes without
saying,” which, as literally translated
from the French, now forms a proverb
in our own language.) In the proverb,
“One man may lead a horse to
the wator, but a hundred can’t make
him drink,” our neighbors have not
inappropriately selected an “ass” as the
illustrative animal. “When you’re in
Rome, you must do as Rome does,”
every Englishman will tell you; though
few, perhaps, could say why Rome was
chosen as an example, and whether it is
more necessary, when in Rome, to fol
low the general lead, than anywhere
else, is to us a matter of doubt. To
the Frenchman the idea Is suffic’ently
A Very Lame Excuse.
Colonel Witherspoon is well known
in Austin for the meanness of the din
ners to which he invites his friends,
(lne day he said to Gilhooly:
“J wish you would come and dinn
with me.”
“When?”
“Well, say two weeks from today.”
... sorry I can’t -------------
“ , I'm
come on that ilay,
for I've got an engagemet to attend the
funeral of a dear friend.”— Texas Sift-
mps.
in itself scarcely so intelligible as to the
somewhat longer sentence.
“That
which comes with the flood returns
with the ebb.” That “ b burned child
dreads tho fire” is perfectly true, as
every one will admit; our neighbors go
further than this, and In choosing a
“scalded cat” as the object of considera
tion, speak of it as being in fear of
"cold” water even, thus expressing
the natural distrust of the cat, after
having once boon scalded, as extend
ing even tn “cold” water.
“Money
makes the mare to go," ana “for
—A voting man of Leadville, enarfl- money, dog» dance.”— Chambers' Jour
ored of a young marled woman of the nal.
same town, made arrangements to
—trvernearrt in a street car: First
elope with her. Each thought the other
rich. The inability or unwillingness lady—Why, you know, dear, my hus
of each to buy the railroad tickets to band is too forgetful for anything.
San Francisco caused a postponement Why. do yon know, when he goes out
of their plans and another home is not he really don't remember where he is
going. Second lady -Well, all men
broken up.— Denver Tribune.
are alike. They keep on talking and
---------- -*•*- --------- —
— M was proved lu a tt»n r. ran<os«o half the time they forget where they
omrrt a few da ■ since that a China are going. First lady (to conductor)
man 1 Ted Well, clothed himseif and —Stop at College street, please. Con
wived money while working as a shoe ductor—Two blocks back, madam.—
uwteer at 91" a month, wilout board New Haven Newt.