8EMI-WEEKLY WEST SIDE WEST SIDE 'TELEPHONE. ---- Issued---- EVERY TUESDAY AND FRIDAY —IN— Garrisons Bmldlng, McMinnville. Oregon. -BY- Talnui'je & Turner, Publishers and Proprietors. SUBSCRIPTION RATES: One year........................................................ »'j g Six months.................................................... * 1 " Three months................................................ 10 Entered in the 1'ostoHlce at McMinnville, Or., as second-class matter. SOUND NO. 14 M’MINNVILLE, OREGON, »JULY 30, 1886. VOL. 1 A TELEPHONE SLEEPER. The Extraordinary lucident Related by a Good-Natured Boniface. "Yes, I keep a hotel down in the country,” said a fat, good-natured pas­ senger, who told stories and munched apples at the same time. "Lots of commercial travelers stop at my place, and 1 never had any trouble with them. They are all gentlemanly fellows—at least, that’s the result of iny experi­ ence. The only thing I ever had occur in my bouse in any way resembling trouble was last January, when Gus Hanson, from St. Louis—you know Gus?—grocery man—came in on the late train one night and gave orders to be called for the 5:30 train in the morn­ ing. “‘Landlord,’ says he, ‘I am a sound sleeper; you may have some trouble in getting me awake, but if I don’t catch that 5:30 train I’ll sue you for dam­ ages, as sure you’re born, and get ’em, too. Bet I’ve lost the sale of $50,000 worth Of goods in the last year just by sleeping too late or by porters failing to get me up for the train, and so al­ lowing those infernal Chicago drum­ mers to jump in ahead of me and take my trade away. Mind, now, I’m to go on that 5:30 train or you’ll pay the damages.’ " ‘All right,’ says I; 'you shall go on that 5:30 train, and if you don’t I pledge myself to give you $100. Good­ night.’ “Henson went to bed, but I felt a lit­ tle uneasy about my pledge. My night porter had made one or two failures, and I knew if he broke down on Hen­ son I’d be in for the $100 sure. The more I thought about it the more it worried me, and finally I decided to stay up that night myself. It was lucky I did, for when I went to rouse Gus I found it no easy job. Rapping on the door was no good, and I had to use my pass-key and go in and shake him up. The more I shook it seemed to me the sounder he slept. I jumped on him, pulled the covers off, rolled him on the floor, threw cold water in his face, and came near throwing him out the window, but it was all useless. He slept right straight along as if a sum­ mer stillness reigned supreme. Just then I heard the ’bus driving up the street to get passengers for the 5:30 train, and I became desperate. Calling the porter, I slipped Henson's panta­ loons on him, put on his vest, coat, collar, hat and every thing, and car­ ried him down stairs. Then we lifted him into the 'bus, got his grips, drove him to the station, bought him a ticket, stuck it into his hat-band, and when the train came carried him in, dumped him with his baggage into a seat and left him sleeping sweetly. I was de­ termined to save that hundred dollars and the reputation of my house if I bad to kill him and express his body.” “Did he rouse up and stay by the Chicago drummers who were trying to beat him out of his trade?” “No! he slept all the way to Toledo and was fired by bis employers for doing it. Rather tough on him, but I did my duty. When down my way stop over with me. I’ll give you my hotel if I let you miss a train.”— Chicago Herald. RELIGIOUS AND* EDUCATIONAL. —Since Dr. McCosh has been Presi­ dent of Princeton over $2,000,000 has been given to the college. —Of the 672 Yale graduates who died in the ten years between 1876 and 1885 there were 271 who were past seventy years of age. —The “Sabbath year ” is the name given by Corne.il to the year of vacation granted to each professor after »even years of continous service. —The twenty-nine colleges of Ohio taught 3.129 students last year, about two per cent of the young people of collegiate age in the State.— Cleveland Leader. —“Bread services” are held at some places in England, each person attend­ ing church bringing one or more loaves to be distributed to the poor and un­ employed. —During the past year, in eleven States, Genera) Booth, of the Salvation Army, complains that his meetings were broken up bv pistols; hence his in­ tention te make his next campaign among the colored people of the South. I— Chicago Herald. —Mr. William Henry Parker, princi­ pal of a Philadelphia grammar school, claims to have coined the word "tele- fram” as long ago as 1851, two years efore its use bv the newsDatiers.— I —B an Soup: Parbo 1 one pint or ¡beans: drain off the Water; add fresh: ilet bo 1 until very tender: season with [pepper and salt, add a small piece of [Dutter: when done skim out half of the [beans, leaving the broth with the re- Bnaining half in the kettle: add a tea­ pup of sweet milk, a dozen or mor* Y ackers broken up; let it boil up, an-' •ei ve. — The Household. I realty m commana, ne should pay light money hiuiself, and so informed him Beneficent Ret»u!tn of the Diviaion of Frano A lucky thought struck the captain. Slid he asked 'by what authority he Into Small Agricultural Properties. M. Baudrillart declares that the di was on board the schooner, and where were bis documents to prove that he vision of land in France into sma) was a revenue officer.' ‘I came off in agricultural properties is in accord such a hurry that I left them ashore,' anee with the natural configuration o was the reply. “You base impostor,” roars the cap­ the country, and is, accordingly, nor mal and healthful. Many of the pro tain; “go ashore, you vagabond, as ducts which add enormously to thi quick as possible.” But the officer was not going to give it up so quickly, wealth of France, such as the vine so he ordered the helm hard down. the olive, and a multitude of fruii Old John Parsons had the tiller, and trees, need manual labor in their cul he was so excited that he obeyed the tivation, as do horticulture and mar order. Then Captain Pattillo began to ket-gardening. In all these lines ol bristle up, and sang out: "So long as I am on board this craft, Uncle John, I production the division of property am master; now, then, hard up the into small estates tends directly tc helm!” This order was obeyed just in larger returns. Before the French time to save the vessel from going revolution there were 4,000,000 land ashore on Point's Island. owners. Ten years ago this numbtl Then followed a war of words be­ had doubled, and although it may tween the pair, in which Skipper Pat­ i.ave been reduced somewhat since, in tillo was called a smuggler and other consequence of the long agricultura' hard names, to which he replied that depression, it is probably not far from all the crime he was guilty of, if crime that figure at the present time. Hall it was, was bringing home a poor the landed estates in France pay less fatherless girl, for which he asked no than five francs in taxes, but these compensation; but, right or wrong, she plots of ground yield a gross produce was safe at home. Just then a little of double and triple the calculated re­ eutter made her appearance and the turn. When the evil of excessive di­ exultant Bigelow said: “I have you vision becomes too great, it constantly now, anyhow, and will take the vessel tends to correct itself by the action ol into Great Canso harbor. self-interest, and there is now going “You can go where you like, cutter on in many parts of France a move­ or no cutter, but the vessel will not ment toward the reconsolidation of es­ carry the pair of us," was Captain Pat- tates, The average yield of thescj tillo’s reply. "I'll heave to until you -------- lg far is ¡ far n small properties excess go ashore for your documents, and if of the average yield of larger you are the right man to receive light estates. In the matter of stock- money 1 will pay it, otherwise not." raising the small farms have decid« Thus they disagreed until "forbearance edly the advantage as regards horned ceased to be a virtue,” when Captain cattle, and the large farms as regards Pattillo made a spring at the stout sheep. Since 1821 the value of small official and seized him by the throat properties has trebled and quadrupled, with one hand, and taking him by the while that of large properties bad only slack of the trowsers with the other, doubled. lifted him over his head as though he The industry and thrift induced by was an infant, and threw him into the universal land-holding have practically boat so violently that he broke the banished agricultural pauperism from thwart when he struck, then casting France. There are a few wandering oft' the boat’s painter, let him find his beggars and a few persons in each way ashore as best he might. Orders community depending upon aid, but were sent to take Pattillo, dead or provincial France is self-supporting. alive. The peasants are less deeply in debt Skipper Pattillo caught seventy bar­ than formerly; they borrow less and rels of mackerel. He heard they were their savings constantly accumulate. alter him. and armed himself with two The rise in the price of agricultural great rocks, weighing one hundred and labor has made the lives of this class of fifty pounds each, to throw into and laborers much more tolerable than sink any boat which should attempt to formerly, whi.e the small proprietors board his vessel. have steadily improved their condition. On October 3 there arose a fearful White bread has superseded largely gale, and Captain Pattillo run into the rye bread of former days, and íb Port Hood, ami came to anchor. Soon the more prosperous provinces meat is after a cutter came in, and a boat con­ frequently seen on tables from which it taining eight men was sent, fully was once almost entirely absent. The armed and equipped, to search for the style of living is, of course, of the Abigail and the big Pattillo. Captain plainest description, bnt it is comfort­ Pattillo saw the movement and stood able and adequate, and the families are by his large rocks, determined to drive independent and enjoy the humble them through any boat who dared to pleasures which spring from these con­ board his schooner. They saw him, ditions. The great majority of cottages and did not come alongside. The cut­ are decently furnished, with respectable ter commenced to get under way, but accommodations, and the housekeep­ the Yankee fishing craft had the lead ing is often admirably conducted as and passed within fifty feet of the cut­ regards cleanliness and system.— ter. A ball was fired which went Christian Union. through the mainsail. The men were ordered below and the spunky skipper CAPTAIN PATTILLO. laid down flat on the deck and steered bis craft. The next ball went through »low a Bold Yankee Mariner Fooled the her side and lodged in the main beam. British Fifty Years Ago. The seizure of the David J. Adams The cutter chased her six miles, but the fishing craft was much the best by Captain Scott of the Lansdowne miler, ■, and the cutter gave up and went brave fishermen naturally excites the back. — Gloucester (Mass.) Cor. Boston who sail from the United States. I Globe. I Former experiences of American fish­ ermen who have had their vessels seized i HAND ORGANS. tinder slim pretexts serve to make About the Manipulatom and skippers equal to certain emergencies. Something Cost of These I nstrnanents of Torture. The ease of the schooner E. A. Horton The best hand-organs cost from one is a case of this kind, and Yankee wit hundred to one hundred and fifty dol­ won the day. A recent article in the lars, but those which so commonly tor­ Halifax Herald, wherein James Purcell ment the public rarely cost more than deniesthat American fishing schooners were ever driven out of provincial har­ forty dollars. The best are the flute bors in storms, etc., recalls the only organs, and they play nearly a dozen instance he remembers of a vessel be­ tunes, and some have extra cylinders, ing chased by a cutter to sea, was that which add to their capacity. The prin­ of a notorious character named Pattillo. cipal factory is in Chatham street, this Die following story related in the locality being so near the Italian quar­ "Fishermen's Memorial Book," from ter (Baxter street) that it is very favor­ the leaves of Captain Pattilio’s log­ able to trade. There are some Italians look, shows how “notorious" a Yankee who own a number of organs, which skipper can be: they rent by the season at alaige profit "In the year 1841 he made three and with but little loss. The grinder trips to the bav, one for herring and having finished his summer itinerancy, two for mackerel. It was the law then of course comes back for winter quar­ to pay four pence a ton, light monev, ters. and thus pays his rent. Both or­ •ach trip. On the third trip, a daugh­ gan-grinders and boy fiddlers have ter of Dr. Cantrill of Guysboro, N. S., their regular routes, which they repeat who had been working in Lowell, year after year, and there seems to be wished to take passage. Her father some general arrangement which pre­ had recently died, ana the girl, in re- vents interference. It is «aid that iponseto the urgent call other mother, more than three hundred of these Fas extremely desirous of getting peripatetic minstrels have gone from home. It was against the law in those New York this season, and yet it will limes for a fishing vessels to carry pas­ be rare that two mew will visit the sengers, but the kind-hearted captain same village. When eold weather sets ?ould not resist the appeal of the in the grinders return to Baxter street, laughter, who wished to get home that where they pack together -sometimes • he might assist her afflicted relatives; nearly a dozen in a small room, with io he consented to take her home. neither fire nor lights. The Italian This he did on his own responsibility can sustain life under extreme priva­ without any compensation. She came tions, and he seems content to sleep on >n board, and upon arrival at Canso he the floor and live on what he can pick carried her ashore in the boat. While up.—A*. K - Cor. — Troy Tima, je was landing the girl a custom-house jflicer named Bigelow came on board —Mr. Payne, who waa the bugler snd put the King's broad “R" on the mainmast, which proclaimed her a boy for Genera) Sully in the Indian campaign of 1862, lately visited a bat­ prize. When Captain Pattillo returned on tle-ground near Cranden, in Spink board the officer informed that he had County, D. T. He says two hundred seized the vessel and her effects, for Indians were killed there and all bur- I.Hiding a passenger contrary to law. | ied in one grave by the soldiers. Skulls "Now. then," he gays, “I want to see are now seen lying on the ground I turned up by the plow. It was not your papers.” The vessel's boat was hoisted in, and known before by the settlers whether Captain Pattillo went below to get his , Indians or whites wera buried there. papers, and, returning on deck with [ Mr. Payne also locates the spot not far |the documents, asked the officer if he ' away, on the east aide of the James thought himself the master of the river, where twenty-nine soldiers were buried. It is probable the attention of schooner. “Yes," wna the reply. Shortly after the War Department will be called to be demanded the light money, blit Cap­ the matter, and proper eare given lheit tain Pattillo thought, if the officer waa burial-place. — Chicago Times. FRENCH PEASANTRY. A TERRIBLE AFFLICTION. Valuable Information Relating t* « hhl« and Fever, Alias Dumb Af agey,” was a stock quotation among the yokels that surrounded ine. Every man, woman and child swose by the compound that cured him, her, lie, she »r it. One man was cured by quinine, another by chalk and vinegar, and an­ other by chinoidine. At that time I was a constant reader of dime-novels, and fervently believed 'n Indians and every thing Indian, from Indian pudding to Indianapolis. So when I was recomended to try a famous patent-medicine known as In­ dian Polliwog, I proceeded straightway o the drug-store and got a bo tile, and vent into ecstasies of joy over the abel, which showed an Indian, m war­ paint and feathers, standing under a cottonwood tree, leaning on the muzzle of a rifle (evidently unloaded) in a majestic attitude, with the last rays of the setting sun playing fantastic capers nil his fur-lined circular. This gave ins great faith in the medicine, which was said to be composed entirely of herbs. But after I used the contents of the bottle, I concluded that if there !.•> any thing of an Indian nature that will break up malaria, it is a tomahawk buried about half-a-foot in the skull. But on my well days I made up for what I suffered on the sick ones. I would go fishing and shooting and swimming, and get so tired out that I hoped to be able to sleep through the next day, chills and all. People who were literally roasting, for it was mid­ summer, used to regard me with envy when they saw me shivering and shaking in an overcoat. When asked if I would goto a picnic or a huse-hall match on a certain day, I used to count the days off on my fingers to know whether I was going to be sick or well at the time »a-1 an­ swer accordingly. The happiness and misery of the sick and well days was a sharp contrast. I called it sunshine slid shadow, just as I call my present days sunshine and shad-roe. Some people said it was not malaria at all, but that my liver was out of or­ der. I then commenced eating bacon three times a day to brace up my liver. I never knew exactly how I got rid of it. It seemed that it got tired of me and departed. I fancied in my joy that 1 had perhaps mislaid it somewhere, just as a hen sometimes mislays an egg. Anyhow, my chills mysteriously van­ ished’. and I trust that if they are ever f>und the finder may be some other than myself.— It. K. Munkittrick, in Pack. —It gives a notion of the cost of royal traveling in the last century that the bill of George IV. at the Hotel d’Harscamp, Namur, for one day was three thousand francs (six hundred and one dollars aud eighty cents). The charge at the table d'hote at that time was two francs.-—♦ ----------— —The people of Petersburg, Va., are enthusiastic in their love for music. About ten thousand dollars was re­ cently subacribed by several citizens as an indemnity fund for a musical festi­ val, but the sale of seats was so large that all the expenses were paid from this lource. -try tins wav o*cooking veal cut­ lets: ('over each cutie-with a stuffing made of minced meat, bacon, fine bread crumbs, chopped parsley, salt and pepper to taste. Mix w th it an egg well beaten. Put the cutlets in a buttered pan an I bake. When done, take the cutlets out of the pan. pour over them -oine stra ned gravy in wh ch a little celery has be^n cooked, and -erve with si ces of lemon. -Bos­ ton Globe. A NEW DISINFECTANT. How Coffee May be Used aa a Temporary Drenaiug of Wounds. Years ago some studious Germans made the observation, the correctness of which he endeavored, and Io a great extend also succeeded, to establish by statistical data, that coffee, if taken in the morning on an empty stomach, acted as a preventive against infectious and mainly acute epidemic diseases. He quoted a great number of cases where individuals accustomed to drink a cup of hot coffee for breakfast had either escaped an epidemic of typhoid, then ravaging the part of Germany in which the observer lived, or if attacked by the disease, contracted it in a much milder form; while all those who died from the disease had not been in the habit of taking coffee in the morning. This was a good number of years ago, at a time when in many parts of Germany coffee was still either an unknown or so costly a beverage as to bo looked upon as a luxury that on­ ly the rich could enjoy. We have forgotten the name of the physician, but remember that the medical pro­ fession did not take kindly to the idea of coffee being a disinfectant, or as they then said, an anti-zymotic, and those who could not deny the correct­ ness of the observation itself, ascribed the apparent immunity to other causes, many to the hot water with which the coffee was prepared. That the physician, however, has not been so wrong has been but recent­ ly proved. During the last meeting of the Prussian army surgeons in Berlin, Medical Director Oppier reported that after extensive investigations, which he related in detail, he had discovered that we possess in coffee an antiseptic •emedy of no mean value, but one which could well serve for the purposes of a first dressing of a wound in a bat­ tle. If employed at once it totally pre­ vented suppuration, but if used after pus has already accumulated in the wound it leads to the formation of a scab, beneath which the wound heais with complete asepsis. The coffee should be employed in the form of powder as it might entail the loss of valuable time to have to grind first the roasted coffee bean, which in Prussia every soldier is bound tn carry about him. Dr. Oppier recommends the use of coffee tablets, which have recently been discovered by a Hamburg firm and which answers the purpose admir­ ably well, as it is only necessary to rub these tablets a little, when they at once assume a powder form.— Metical and Surgical Reporter. ■' "< • »» A MIUA MliNt. Description of the Famous Ledge at Gro­ ton. New Hainplishire. The chief attention at Groton, aside from its mountain scenery, is the mica mine, opened something more than a year ago and now operated by a large force of men. The ledge ic really a large hill of solid rock, composed in the regular order, after the covering of schist is removed—quartz, mica, feld­ spar and quartz, mica, feldspar again and again, down through the hill to an uncertain d pth. The work of blasting has been carried forward here until an open drift has been cut three hundred feet long, at least forty fee* wide and not much less than fifty feet deep. Branching off from this cut is a tunnel now about seventy feet long ami twenty high, drilled horizontally into the ledge. Small iron tramways lead to the “dump,” and little cars, pushed by hand, carry the refuse rock out of the way. The mica crystals, of all sizes, from an inch across to more than two feet in their larger ax's, protrude from sides and from above and below, with their planes at every conceivalbe incli­ nation, waiting for some well-placed charge of giant powder to free them from the mass of worthless rock in wh'ch they are imbedded. These crystals vary from the s;ze of one's hand to blocks two feet in length and from six inches to a foot in tnickness. ami tire rapidly split into sheets bv a group of men seated on low stools. The thin sheets are carried from this group to a long line of men standing at benches, who cut them to the largest possible patterns with tn- man’s shears. The market value of m ca depends on the size of the sheets, and it is here that one first understands the real character of the work that is go:ng on around him for these sheets of mica seven or eight by nine or ten Inch­ es, bring in the market no loss than fifteen dollars a pound. The smaller portions vary in value from five dollars a pound up. Beryls abound, and some valuable specimens have be.-n quarried here. In the roof of the covered drif was one, a perfect hexameter, two feet of which pad been laid bare, while each end wa- still imbedded in the rock. It would lie a magnificent specimen if it could be cut out whole, but the mining company is not seeking beryls, and some day, probably, a blast that has been arranged with reference to a mica crystal will throw the beautiful specimen shattered to the floor of the tunnel. Mica mining is not a new thing in Groton. A few years ago the Hartford mine yielded a large product, and doubtless would to-day, but there was no con venient place for disposing of the enor mous bulk of refuse, rock. and the ex penne thus incurred drew heavily from the profits. At th s time a shaft more than one hundred fee* deep is now abandoned and filled w th water. Other mines have been opened at va rious times in the past eight years, but none of them have been found as profitable as the one described. — Bo-ton Transcriut. A SHOPPING INCIDENT. What an Inquisitive Reporter Heard and Saw in a Dry-Goods Store. Lady Customer -Have you received your spring goods? Clerk—Yes’m. Lady Customer—Let me see them, please. Clerk—What kind did you wish to see? Lady Customer—Dress goods. Clerk—What kind of dress goods? Lady Customer—Yes, dress goods. Clerk—Do you want any particula’’ color or quality? Lady Customer—I don't know till I see it. (Clerk shows promiscuo’us lot of dress goods.) Lady Customer—Let me see your ginghams. (Clerk shows ginghams.) Lady Customer—Let me see your bourettes and canvas cloth. (Is shown bourettes and canvas cloth.) Lady Customer—Let me see your light-weight boucles and etamine suit­ ings. (Is shown light-weight boucles and etamine suitings.) Lady Customer—Let me see your albatross. (Is shown albatross.) Lady Customer—Have you it in alight tone? (Is shown a light tone albatross.) Lady Customer—Have you a light­ weight same shade? (Is show light-weight same shade.l Lady Customer—Have you this quality in light drab or pongee? (Is shown same quality in light drab and pongee.) Lady Customer—Have you it in sweet­ gum gray? Clerk—No, ma'am; but we have that shade in nun’s veiling. Lady Customer—I wanted albatross. I thought you had got in your new spring goods. When you do I wish you would let me know. Good morning.— Detroit Free Press. --- AN AMENDMENT. How a Swedish Groom Amended the Epis­ copal Marriage Service. An Episcopal clergyman, settled in one of th» manufacturing towns in southeastern Massst husetts, not long ago was entertaining some callers in the parlor one evening when there came a ring of the door bell. The servant announced that a lady and gentleman wished to sec the clergyman. Excusing himself to the company, the clergyman entered his study and found awaiting him a man and woman, evidently abbut twenty-live or thirty years of age, whose appearance and accent at once betrayed them to be foreigners. The couple said that they were natives of Sweden and had sought the minister to be married. By inquiry the clergyman soon found out that the couple knew but very little about the Episcopal marriage service, or, for that matter, much about the English language. Rev. Mr. A. ex­ plained the service to the happy pair so that he thought they understood it, ex­ patiating especially on the words "I, A., take thee, B., to be my wedded wife,” etc. "And,” said the clergyman, "re­ member when we come to that place you must say the words ‘after me'." The ooitple then wentjinto the parlor, the clergyman thinking that the com­ pany might act as witnesses. The ser­ vice proceeded smoothly and with all its solemnity until the betrothal was reached. The clergyman said very seriously: “I, Gustavas, take thee, Gretchen, to be my wedded wife,” when up spoke the groom, and in a most em­ phatic manner exclaimed "After me.” This answer broke in upon the solem­ nity of the occasion, but the couple went awav unconscious that they had said any tiling unusual. — Boston Trav­ eller. Entirely Too High-Priced, Some of the members have their little bills upon which they rely to get back to Congress. These are the men the casual observer would take to be the workers of the House. The habitue knows better, and he knows, too, that they are frequently the butts of the House, end are the targets for transient wit. One of these came up to Robert­ son, of Kentucky, the other day, and asked him to vote for a little bill which was to secure his re-election. "How much money does it take from the treasury?” asked the red-bearded Kentuckian. “Aliout rive million dollars," was the reply. “Don't you think," said Robertson, looking at him from head to foot, “don’t you think that's a pretty big price for the Government to pay for your services?”— Washington Star. Johnny's Vain Regrets. Little Johnny Fizzletop was busily en­ gaged in a life and death struggle with his lessons. He paused in his labors and heaved a heavy sigh. "What’s the matter, Johnny?" asked his mother. "I was just thinking how nice it would l-e if I had been born during the dark ages.” "What good would that have done you?” "Heaps. I was reading yesterday that education was very much neglect­ ed during the dark ages. If I had been born then I wouldn't have to learn this joggrafy lesson." — Texas Siftings.