The Oregon register. (Lafayette, Yamhill County, Or.) 18??-1889, July 06, 1888, Image 2

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Xs Old Char te Arkansas Whs Wasa*
Afraid of Hydrophobia
CoaM«r»o Mold 1er« Kowmln« aS Will la
th« Villa«« of Gattjrsbar*.
When tbe streets of Gettysburg bad been
elearr.1 of all armrd bodies of Uuion sol­
diers, tbe Confederates began to roàm about
at will, sigbteneing and foraging. At a
bouse, closely barred, a |*rty
® inde-
pen «lents baited and l»egan to reconnoiter.
Unseen from the street the owner was
watching from an upper window, and soon
be beard his name utetei in a way very uneer
He Think* Americans Are Contradictory
Tbe door plate revealed the name,
Mortal«»—Common Senee Needed.
and one of tbe Confe.I«• rates, who was a Ger
“You Americans,” said George Q Taylor,
man, amused his companions by spelling it
a foreigner, to a group of New Yorkers, “are
out. “T-y-^n, Tyson.” Then
tbe most contradictory set of mortals on ths
“Wonder who he is?” and, going to the door,
globe. You stave all day and spend aD night.
You submit to all sorts of imposture r od ex­
?t!*irin the bouse. The manner of the men
tortion, yet you are terrible tighter* when
seemed so good natured that Mr. Ty**u
aroused. Little things do not seem to fret
opened the door and invited them in to try
you as they do foreigners. You are cheerful
bis excellent water, for they all looked warn«
and courageous in tbe face of hopeless dis­
and exhausted. After drinking bearvlly tb<
aster, yet never seem unduly elated if you
spoke up again aud said:
make a million or two. Now, why should
“Where is ‘Joe’ Hooxerf We’re after him
such a people choose to wear the darkest and
and we mean to have him if we have to g<>
most gloomy looking clothingT
to Philadelphia for him.”
A bystander ventured the remark that be
At this hour the streets were filled with
anything particularly somber about
rta «nd wheelbarrows, and excited men and
the average American attire.
women bearing trunks and bundles and
“You don't? Have you ev^r been up in the
leading frightened children; mothers with
Western Union tower? Well, you ought to
babes in their arms in the throng, aL
go up there. I made the ascent the other
hastening out of reach of the soldiery, th»
day, difficult as it is. The view is entrancing.
and the shells. Officers in gray rode
But when I looked down into Broadway it
Old Friend—And bow are the boys getting up and down warning tbe people to remove­
made me shiver. The hurrying crowds on slongf
women and children to places of safety, a>
the sidewalks looked like two unending
Proud Father — Splendidly, splendidly
funeral pnx’essious moving in opposite di­ They both live in the same town and both art Dee was about to shell the town. It was a
moment, but Tyson would uot be
rections. Black, black everywhere. All tbe lotting rich.
scared or cajoled into revealing anything.
red haired girls must have been up town, for
“Glad to hear it. very glad. The eldei He dulnt know “Joe” Hooker any more than
there wasn't a white hunb to be seen. The one, 1 remember. learned the trade of shot
he knew l^ee’s humblest private, but he hail
only relief to the eye was an occasional making; What is tbe other oneF
bis garret full of Union soldiers who had
Broadway surface cur. It was the most
“He’s a corn doctor "—Omaha World.
been cut off iu the street, and be decided to
gloomy spectacle I ever looked down ufion,
I be a knownotbiug, and send the scouting
yet I knew that beneath the dark exterior
F'orjjot ThAmselvM.
Confederates away aBIgnorant a» they came.
there were warm hearts, active brains and
-My beautiful Choo!is, 1 neffer tire of Alter listening to a few of bis blind answers
hands e-juaily ready to fight or work.”
the spokesman agreed to be satisfied with
“Wei!, wnat would you have u»do? Dress
Tbe young couple sat in tbe elegant parlor ol some bread and butter and clear out aud
in bright colors during the winterT was
for “Fighting Joe” elsewhere. There
their wedding tour Julia Van Sumkins, th« was a fresh baking of bread in the house, but
“Not at all. Use common sense, that is all.
Europeans generally do not see tbe necessity beautiful Pennsylvania hemes. who bad me', Tyson did not know what panicky times
tor dark colors in winter. So long as the tbe distinguished foreign nobleman. Count might follow, and he knew that his blue
clothing is heavy and warm the-culor doesn’t de Bergamot, while on a visit to her fnend.- coated wards up stairs were hungry; so he
put on a long face and declared that be
matter. You can wear btact over there i^* in th« metropolis, had yielded to the impul
you like without exciting remark. But here; . sire ardor with which tbe count pressed bn bad just bad a visit from a party of Confed­
erates *ho had eaten up about all the pantry
‘ if a man wears a heavy plaid suit in winte?
married Life looked blissful and romanti« contained^ and there really was not “enough
be is contemptuously regarded by
left now to tiegin on.” The true bummer
even though his critic may be Snivering in
his thin, black clothes. Take a New England full 6f rose embowered vistas, endless moon never expects to live high on a route that has
town, New Haven for jnstance, if you want light reVerrea. and the dreamy dolce fai just tieeu traveled by others of his kind, and
to see this provincial spirit in an exaggerated niente of far away tropical Edens, who» these unfortunate fellows took the burgher’s
Corm. A faultlessly dressed New Yorker is existence was guessed by both but unspokei word for gospel troth and went away in
on object of universal admiration. People by either, rose before their rapturous vision
Tbe bead of the beautiful bride rested con
run out of stores to look at him. A shabbily
Qdingly on the shoulder of her husband, th*
dressed man, even though his clothes fit him
Something About Hadeau.
better than those of tbe average New Haven noble Count de Bergamot, and at the noun-
Badeau was born about the time Andrew
of bis voice she looked up.
* dude, is at wire and on all sulas regarded
was concluding bi« flnit term. He
a sneak thief who ought to be in the lockup.. " “1 am gtedvmjr de4U' count»" she sum
was *> years old wheu thqjvar broke out,
“that my hair pleases you."
But an Englishman or other foreigner in a
and after it hail been going on for a year he
Lifting the lovely bead from his should,
plaid suit is an object-of horror. To see the
volunteered, and was appointed an aide on
open mouths, and uplifted hands ode would I the noble foreigner ran his fingers throug. the staff of Brig. Gen. Thomas Sherman. II.,
think Barnum's rhinoceros was loose in the tbe wavy masses of her golden hair for a fev was from this position that Grant took him
street. I always put on a black suit when I moments in silence, and then with a defer and made him his military secretary, with the
go to New Haven, for I cannot do business ential. suggestive inflection of voice he ab
rank of lieutenant colonel, and afterward
there in any other sort of clothing.”—New eentlysaid;
__ A
coloneL He retired from tbe war at its close
----- - _
“Havaa shampoo^ ikF,
Recovering himself as his bride looked a> a brevet brigadier, and it was through Grant
An Editor'» I'lgeon Hole».
him with a start of surprise be drew fron that he was made '•ecretary of legation at
When, iri the midst of my writing, some­ his pocket a rather lean wallet, took a buiA London. He was employe«! by Grant here,
at Washington. and he accompanied Grant
thing turns up that “must go’’ in or before note from it and handed it to her.
the next paper, I.shove it into a pigeon hole
“My tear Cboolia/’ he said, “let me haf U oh his tour around the world, it was through
that he got to be consul general at -
marked “Immediate.” This-pigeon hole j&appiue&. of gifting you my first present o
Havana, and he has been mixed' up in some
claims first attention when I have breathing ' pm monish!”
space. After this is cleared I turn to one
The fail bride took the note, looked at th. question as to his right to certain salaries
which he had drawn. 80 far, all of his offi
marked •‘•Advance”—matters that need time . figures that indicated its denomination, tap
to develop, and want to be started well in ped in a mechanical way on the centei cial positions came through Grant.
His literary position he acquired in the
table, and called out in a shrill voice;
same way. It was through Grant that he
One marked “Current” is devoted to mat­
“Ca-a-arsh!”—Chicago Tribune.
got die material for his “Military History of
ters that ought to lie attended to regularly
Ulysses 8 Grant.” It was through him that
with every issue, though not necessarily be­ r
Simply That.
fore a giveirday. Things accumulate hore
He was apparently making a bee line foi he got the exjierience that enabled him to
the works on the aristocracy of Eng­
sometimes, but sooner or later they are polity headquarters. His clothes were torn
groin id exceeding fine.
and soiled, bit whiskers full of cotton bat­ land, and it was through him that he made
Best of all is a pigeon hole labeled “Con­ ting. his bands cut and bleeding, and the money out of his tetters beaded “Grant in
Peace.” To show that it is true, it is only
tingent.” It is practical, comprehensive, officer who met him promptly exclaimed:
and—within human limits—unerring; it is
“Hight down to tbe first corner, and then necessary to cite tbe other things which be
written, which have attracted uo notice
packed with heads and tails for which I know turn to the left. The sergeant will hear your
whatsoever. Badeau published in 1859 a
the missing extremities will some day be case.”
book called “The Vagabond,” a collection
crying: “Here is a ctlrious Contrivance; I
“What caseT
of essaysiwhioh you will not now find even
want a description of it; I saw one once;
“Don’t you want the gang arrestedF
then I shall find it here.” I do. “You
“For what? No one has done anything tx> in second hand book stores, and his “Con­
spiracy; a Cuban Romance,’’/published in
promised.” “Ob, no!” “Oh, yes! I have me.”
your letter here;” aud I have. “What istthe
“They haven’t! Why, I thought from 1885, has hardly bad a national circulation.
The truth is that Badeau has tiecome great
mau's address/ If I ever had it it will be your looks that”-----
here;” it is. What date was it sent? There
“Oh. come off! Pm simply moving into by ,the reflected light of Grant, and the at­
tempt to make out Grant an ignorant, un­
was a receipt. Look here.” “Where is that another bouse.’’—Detroit Free Press.
grammatical writer, and a man unable to
circular; that price list; that funny letter/
write tbe book which be left his children, has
What wtpi the size of that page? How many
An Annoying L ons .
fallen flat, as far as W ashiugton is concerned.
did I couiit? Here!” “Oh, you want your
It may be that Badeau was not treated
‘Ode to a V’ioletf I don’t remember it; but
rightly in the settlement of the contract
if you inclosed stamps we shall surely find it
be had with Grant, but he has un­
here, without any name attached.”
questionably injured himself greatly, ih stat
A business man would have all these classi­
ing the case as he does.
fied, because of a great quantity; but I have
Gen. Badeau is a very ready writer, and he
only an “infinite variety” of “contin­
gencies,” with perhaps two or three of each
writes well. He is a very pleasant conver­
kind; and it is easy to subdivide when the
sationist, and his round,' red whiskered
quantity presses. Every memorandum or
face, his short, stumpy form and his pleasant
paper which I want to forget until called
blue eyes are well known in Washington. He
for, and then find handy, I put here; those
has been spending the winter here, and 41 Is a
which are likely not to be called for soon I
matter of regret to his friends that he has
put in a big drawer, which I label—in my
become Involved in the present controversy.
mind—“Remote Contingent.” It is thick
Even were he correct in his statements be
with the dust of ages.?r- VFvistan Dixey in
would have trouble in proving them to the
The Writer.
satisfaction of tbe people, and he has entered
into a controversy in which ho is handi­
it is upw c.-i’ied* “cascavIlTn” or “per-
capped ac the outset, ami into which he will
gamino,” each ifrain being ciothed in a
get into more trouble the further he goes.
thin shell, which when sun dried liecomes
crisp and brittle, and is easily removed in
There is no doubt in the minds of the leading
mortars; the coffee is then said to be in
Mistress—Why. Bridget. I thought you thinkers at^AVashington that Grant is the
“oro,” or gold, from its yellow color, and. were going out this afternoon!
author of his own book, though he may have
is practically ready to be toasted and
Bridget—Sbure, mum, ond 1 intinded to,' received some of the advice and the assistance
ground for table use. After |hts it ia re­ but it s hot meeilf that can foind me muso which Gen. Badeau could, from bis famili­
volved in the “sept nd ores,” or hot cylin­ roll, bad cess to itl—Texas Siftings.
arity with the subject and his knowledge of
ders perhtrated with small holes, to grail«
literary methods, so easily give.—Frank G.
it according to the slice of the grain, and
j Carpenter. _________ •_________
Plante and Babies.
it is then placed in sacks to be shipped to
Doctor— Pm afraid you don’t take the baby
market. Heat is necessary in the grading
Statistics Concerning Tobacco.
process only: all of the other manipula­ out doors often enough.
It is uot without reason that it has been
Mother— Nonsense. She catches cold every
tion is done with water power.—Francis
j time she goes out, I'in sick of this air bath said that you can prove auythihg by statis­
J. A. Dare in New York Times.
tics. Under Louis XVI, for instance, the
“When Seen Too Oft.“
“But. my dear madam, you know flowers tobacco tax only produced 000,000 francs, be
cause the consumption was small. At that
can’t get along without sunshine”—
“Weil, flowers can’t get along without wet time the average dUrution of life was twenty­
Fond Young Mother <to proud young
seven years. 5pw the tobacco tax produces
father»—Albert, dear, did you bear the sweet, feet, either.”—Omaha World.
200,000,000, and the average duration of life
precious darling cry his dear little eyes out
is forty4hroe years Redskins, who suffer
lust uightF
A Protest Against Grammar.
neither from diabetes nor from pituite, have
ITuiul Young Father—1 thought I board I
It Is to be wished there was a law prohibit­ always tbe calumet between their lips. The
our angel twitter 1
Persians, the type of (.Caucasian purity, say
I studied grammar/in. the ordinary way Chat “all joys come to the heart through to­
She—Albert, you unfeeling wretch, to bear about three weeks, Just long enough to
bacco.” Where do you find such handsome
that child screeching all night and never find out w hat a genius some people can show
old patriarchs as among tbe Turks# Yet in
offer to take him!
in putting asunder what God hath joined to their country tbe pipe is kept alight as re­
He— l«et the little demon bowl)— Detroit gether. It is a splendid device for using up
ligiously as Vesta's tire in ancient Roma In
Free Prom
a poor boy's time and souring his disposition; those cl lines tbe strongest mark of emotion
one can give is to take one's pipe out of
A Chicago newsjiaper makes the statement
help him pav rent and butcher’s bulk.—Bev. one's mouth.—New York Commercial Adver­
that a railroad train arrives or departs from C. H. ParahuroL
that city every minute of the day.
“H mv » yoo aomathing to
tonic and atrengtheowr
looking man «tapping into « ,ln‘
“I’va tieen riding all night on p*
Tva got to braea op tor a (Ur,”“
around tha city."
“Yaa. air," .aid th. rtort. bri«tj, ,
Uig » bottla of patent
1 1
nothing better than that— 'Or
vigor, tor -Ufty oenta a hottta,»^
‘Thunder I” exoiaimed th.
man. with extreme di«guat"|
manufacturer of th«, «tuff.
A Georgia man, white standing in front oi
• blacksmith’s shop, was bitten by a dog
“Gracious alivoF exclaimed tbe blacksmith
“run boms and pray for tbe salvation of yuui
soul, for your body is tost.”
How 80^ tbs old follow asked as hi
rubbeti tbe place where tbe dog bad bittei
bin i
'AVby. that dog is hum !
Look bow hi
fuaiM* at tiw mouth
I hat s tbe dog tb<
uoigtiiiorM have ueen looking for!’’
A puff of -imoxecame Iron» the hushes near
by the “bang” of s gun was heard aud Un
dog tell deud in the roa.i
•‘Ne^hbur* been lookin' fur him. ob!” said
tbe old fellow who bad been bitten “Wall,
I uiu t noon look in fuf him. out it ‘pearl
'tike be* boon lookin' lur 04a" --
“Kun to a doctor, man.”
‘No, I Kam 1 afiprd it 1 hire«i one last
spring to cure ttw cniils on my daughter
Nau, an’ I thought it would break me inxia
tiously up agin 1 got him paid. Nan, you
Know, uian tod Abe'Sluter shortly after
ward, an I says to Abe. s’l. Abe, you
ougbter pay a part of that chili bill.' ’ Wbul
chill 14!P’ say* be.
W’y .Nau’s, s’L ‘Oh,
says be. I didn’t marry the chills too. 1
only married Nau. an* I naebuaily expected
the chili* not ter cut no tigger in tbe trausac
lion. Aiy. air. Abe be never would pay a
rent on that chill bill. Imx putty soon long
(tome the yaller ager, crebpm' down the big
rtiad Wall, sub. it hupped a-straddle uv ok
Abe an ml bun putty i»igb ter death.”
“But that ain’t gut nfUHug u> du with tbai
.„^1 dog
Yuu'U boa deud man in le»M u
•Wall. I’ll wait an’jK» an’ef whut you
Young Mr Diplomat
■wycuiiH* trim, w'l I’U
up I ain’t w
*> *>rry. Mis Nalw
nan ter dispute <rtter
haw dim gon»
agio me
*1 ain’t tliauu wsgnwitb Abe. have been down to supper I had
acting as your escort
though He’ll urgy wheu he knows be ain’t
Miss Naive—Ob, thank fou, Mr Di
got no show I like tei *ee a «ran stick up
fnr whut be i«elieves. but then when a fellei hut—er— I—have only been down qqa
iind* oes «rung. Wv he jwt uacfaully-ought York Bun.
ter cave Vt all. good mawum
I’ve gul b
I The Bed Reg Did It.
now» trade on han over yauder cross tin
There were «even or eight bojtaad
branch an I lielieve i’ll fix it up befo’ tli.
tight in an alley off Second strut m
fellei gits outen the notion.”—Arkansas
as a policeman happened along, ud
clubbing tbe doga apart he -4 ,
largest boy:
Life in a Kusidaii t*ri«on.
"Now, than, I want to know «n
A Russian army officer wh. was con
demned to “kartoga" for an assault coin
“lyell. yon know," replied the tor ■
inittoi in a moment of excitement, and wli<
coming up the alley with my
|<ardoned by the czar after several year.-
That boy there was coming down th
detention, describes tbe Onega prison, whei
with hl« black dog.”
tie was confined, as follows:
“And you knew the doge would k
“For smoking and minor offenses of tha
course. ”
-ort, a prisoner could be made to kneel fo
“Oh, no, eir. When we came up to
•wo hours on the bare, frozen flags. Th
other tbe doge began to play. W, ww,
next punishment for the same minor offer»
ing about going a^Ubing when tto
vas the black bole—tbe ‘karzer’—the warn
over there came along with a little nd,.
»ne and the cold one, underground, with t
“Where tn itl
In boti
Temperature at freezing point.
“Run away, eir. Hie red dog bew
b a
« Rehr
__ j dog,
__ __ and
tight with my
then th bi
Iurance depended on the will of the directoi • pitched in. This let the red dor'«<
Several were kept there for a fortnight, aft»
away he went.”
which they were itterally dragged out in»« - “But why didn’t you separate themP
lay tight and then dismissed to the la::<
“Then wbo’d get the money F
where palp and suffering are not. Durin.
“Money I So you had money npf
• he four years of my confinement the aver
“Why, after they got to fighting
1 ge mortality In the prison was 80 per cent
bet on our own dog, of course."
er anuum. It must nbt be thought thu
“Then I want”-----
hose on whom penalties of this kind were n
But he didn’t get one of them, and *M|
dieted were hardened desperadoes. We ii
halted at one end of the alley to
urred them if we. saved a morsel of breu
his run the mob appeared at theater)
tom dinner for the supper,*br if a mat?
the referee announced;
•a.*' found on a prisoner. The ’desperate
“Being as this m(l was interfered wiA
•iiara<%ers’ were treated after another fas!.
the police I shall decide it a draw, ate I
»:i Gue, for instance, was kept for niin
•«takes will go to buy oranges for tbecro
months in Ttolitary confinement in one of th.
-Detroit Free Press.
•ark cells, and came out blind and insane.
•‘In the evening the director went Ir
No Thought For the Morrow.
otinds. and usually began bis favorite occii ^
Green Grocer—What is it now, ay I
at ion—flogging. A very narrow bench wh
•rought out, and soon the place resound«?-
Little Girl—We’ve eaten up the itni
,rtth shrieks, while the director looked ‘o.
ries, and maminp told me to bring bad
nd > muted the lashes, smoking a cigai
box and-----
he i r ch rods were of exceptional size, an«
“But, my dear. I don’t want th <
v iven uot in use they were kept immerse« IJ i
vater so as to make them more pliant. Afte
“No. I know. Mamina said ahsuitf
he tenth lash tbe shrieking ceased, an-
tilled with new potatoes, we're <m A r|
iothing was heard but groans. Floggin
eating spree at our house. OmakWat
usually applied in batches, to five, to;
lien, or more, and when tbe torture wa
Re Could Understand It
•ver a great pool of blood would remain :
“You have studied the Russian langi
nark the sjiot. After every such scene w.
“No. but I think I can understand it
¡ad two or three days of comparative jieace
“If you haven’t studied it yoa at
be flogging bad a soothing influence on th«
understand it."
i¡rector’s nerves. Soon, however, he woul
“1 believe 1 can. though."
•ecunie himself again. When he was drunl-
“What makes you think thatf
uid his left mustache was drooping anr
“I am constantly reading lettersehi
nmp, br When be went out shooting anc
by typewriter operators.’
•aine home with an empty bag, we kuev
¡State Journal
hat the same evening the rod would lie Te.
it work.”—Michael Malkoff in Chicago
What We May Expect
...... . ................... ..
Collector (some years hence)—Tved
A Society Gkl’s Brio-a-Brac.
dollars, please.
But tbe room of a society girl whose nan»
Widow—Why. what for?
I could mention, but may uot. The odd
“Was not your husband struck by
things ubon.the walls and lying scattered ning last week/”
> ■*
.aiioutarea wonderful mystery tc the uniin
“Yes, he was.”
tiatety, A variety of cigar»- suspended from
“1 am collector for the American i
tbv mantel by different hued ribtjons, or a trust. Twenty-five dollars, please.M
hunch of cigarettes attached to a picture World.
frame by means of a huge ribbon bow, these
A Oonsclentloas Child.
are easily known for what they are. but a
The Minister—And what kind of
pretty little box on tbe toilet table, with the
‘Cremated July 12. 18X7.” calk Flossie, do you think you will iMfff
tor many a guess
I'he ojien lid disclose* a you grow up!
, J
Clara— Why don’t you answer, FW
neap of gray ashes, with another inscription
Flossie—I hardly know, sir; I dost
’Mount lieeert. July 12, ’87" It ts> tbe ashes
of a cigar srnoke«1 by the fair owner during it*« right for me to think about
a mild thrtation of the last season. A parcel until Bister Clara is out of the wty.-l
of canes, tropine* won in fencing matches,
Knowledge of Human Natal*
occupies a prominent wall spare, ail'd a velvet
phuxiue mounted with pipes of all kinds,
First Burglar—That would te «•
from common clav through cob and briar
bouse to enter.
wood to meerschaum, are souvenirs of gentle­
Second Burglar—Mighty pretty f
men fnemte. Ail sorts of riding whips rise going m. Wonder if she lives (ter**
“Guess so, she went in without to®
tike cat tail.* from a large vase, a pair of oars
“No use trying tha^ bouse, ttes
marked “ Isles of Shoals’’ are crossed over
the old man keeps a big <kc"^
the door. an«i a genuine fishnet u> draped
over a pi ere of statuary Tlieee are quite World.
common souvenirs of vacation delight* and
Preparing for lh.
render recollections, hut many of the girls
Friend <to Bertie,—I «upf»"
vie with each other iu <x>Uecting oddities.
Out or them exhibit* a tiny Jaitatiese bowl your father and 1 are going
tilled with sliming-objects of ivory white- row, Bertie«
Bertie—Oh, yee; pa u getting
Friend—label Digging baA *
“These are the first teeth of rnv friends'
Bertie—No, «ir, he’« reading ■■
nahiea. ’sbe explains.—Clara Belle in Chicago
i nbun&—4- " x
Called Oat of Town.
Citizen (to little boy»—Is your father in,
Little Boy—No. sir; pa’s out of town.
Citizen—Gone on business!
Little Bey—1 dun know. I heard him tell
'He that he wouldn't tie back until she had
got through cleanin’ housa Mebby it's buai,
ness. an* mebby it’s pleasura I dun know.~
Harper’s Bazar.
Quickly Diep'”«4
Magistrate (to prisoneri-D»1
derly; wimt’s your nam«l
Prison«*—Gawg« « «.bugt«« •
son. sah.
Magistrate — Well,
Hick Johnson, it’s |10 or UW