The Hood River glacier., January 19, 1911, Image 8

HOOD KrVER GLACIER, THURSDAY, JANUARY 19, 1911
First Showing of
Walkover Shoes for Spring 1911
EVERYTHING GOOD
Good Leather
Good Thread
Good Hooks and Eyelets
Good Counters
J.
MRS.BOWSER IS IT
Gets In Ahead of Bowser With
Her Scheme.
BAGS OF HOT AIR FOR ALL.
Whin Uncooked It Will Nautrallze
Cold Waather Millions In It For tha
Family Striket Huiband to Capital-
iza tha Plan Ha Wandort Daisd.
By M. QUAD.
ICopyrlnht, 1910, by Associated Literary
M"
R. ItOWSKIl oiiisbt to Imve
known better. A husband
can't come home wild n
wrinkled brow iiucl a far
away look In his eyes without his wlfo
inspecting thnt ho bus lont his wallet
or Is figuring on a patent medicine
deal. In his absontuiludeducss he had
forgotten this. As they began dlnuer
lie started off wltb:
"Mrs. Bowser, there nre husband
whose wives are the greatest help to
them In business."
, "lee."
"Yon mlg-ht bo to me."
"I should like to be."
"Then I have a matter I would like
to talk orer with you this evening, but
If you are going to be sarcastic I warn
you"-
"Mr. Bowser," she Interrupted, "1
was about to say to you that I wIhIi
your opinion on a certain matter. You
sowau dbnouhctks w woman thkojiv.
may or may not think well of the
oheme I have ou hand, but we'll talk
It over."
"Scheme? Scheme? I don't under
stand you."
"Dut you will later on. i'es, I have
(rest thing on hand. I think thero
re millions In it."
1 "But-but it isn't your place to
scheme," he replied, with considerable
beat.
"I don't see why. If a w ife can help
liter husband to wealth by scheming it
its her duty, as I look at It."
"Whatlsitr
I "I will tell you later. It looks like a
iwinner to me."
I "But I tell you I don't like the Idea
at all. What do you know about
(finance? Tou aro supposed to run tho
jlnslde of the homo, while I take care
lof outside matters. Besides, I have a
Imattcr of my own, as I said, l'ou
have seen rhubarb In the root, of
course?"
' "I have, but I am not at all interested
In rhubarb. Mr. Bowser, when I ex
plain my scheme to you"
"I won't hear it! I forbid you to
have schemes. By thunder, this new
(woman theory !i going too far! If you
have any tomfool thing on hand, drop
It Thore was a man In the office this
afternoon who showed mo how to make
110,000 next year."
Mrt. Bowiir'i Hot Air Schame.
"But I propose to make doublo that,"
airily answered Mrs. Bowser.
, Mr. Bowser gave her a glare and fell
silent. There would bp a settlement
of things half an hour later, and he did
not want to get "all hot up" and lose
his appetite. Mrs. Bowser was also
thaough talking, aud there were thirty
minutes with hardly a word. It was
fter they had reached the family room
(that Mr. Bowser becan.:
Good Linings
Good Facings
SEE IF THIS IS NOT
G. VOGT
"Most of the' rhubarb used in the
world comes from Turkey. It Is only
of late that It has become known that
the root can be raided right bere In
our own state."
"Well, what of It?" was asked.
"What of It? Why, the first few
men that turn to growing rhubarb ore
going to get rich at It. Tbafs what
of It."
"It's a second class scheme, Mr. Bow
ser, and I shall not entertain it for a
moment."
i "Tou you wontt entertain?"
"No, sir. This Is not a rhubarb fam
ily, so far as I am concerned. Now
listen to my scheme. I have as good
as traded off the bouse and lot this
tfternoon, and in a day or two I may
tortgage the furniture or sell It out
right" "What! What! What!" he yelled In
three different keys as he bounded to
his feet.
"Yon have 1 1,000 In bank, I want
to borrow It."
"To borrow $1,000!"
"Two thousand would be better. Per
haps you can raise the balance on your
personal note."
"Woman, are you craiy to talk as
you do?"
"No, sir; I am Just scheming."
"But I say I won't have it."
"I shall be sorry to see you depart,
but such things most happen In tfcls
world. Mr. Bowser, winter will soon
be here."
He stared at her, but did not reply.
Bowiar at a Standstill.
"Winter brings snow lu this coun
try."
Not a word.
"And snow brings discomfort and
expense. It costs millions to remove
It from the streets of the cIIIch."
lie licked his lips, but said nothing.
"Why Imvo the snow? Why not
have bulmy rains Instend? In fact,
why have any winter at all?"
"By thunder, but bIio'b out of her
head!" whispered Mr. Bowser to him
self. "What becomes of tho summer
hent?" she seriously asked as sho
looked him in tho eyes. "I answer you
that It enters the earth passes away
to other points and is lost In the shuf
fle, so to sny. Why lose it? Why not
store it up to make use Inter on?" Mr.
Bowser shook his head and groaned.
She was beyond him. "The surplus
heat of the month of July alone tho
past summer would make Juno weath
er of January, February and March
If stored lip and properly used. Why
wasn't it Btored? Because no one
thought of It. Thnt is my scheme. Be
gin early next summer to store the
surplus. Store It In rubber bngs and
pack them awny until cold weather
comes. Then let out so much per day.
Mr. Bowser, is it plain to you?"
"(Jrent snakes!" was all ho could
whisper.
"It's what may be called a hot air
scheme, but a sure winner. New York
and Brooklyn don't want winter. All
right. Bring out the bngs and open
them wide. Let It be tho duty of tho
police and firemen to regulnto the
supply. Philadelphia wants just cool
enough weather so thut Its sleeping
inhabitants will keep their feet In bed.
Very well - less hot air. Boston wants
auother sort, and so on. Don't you
see how easy It Is?"
"Why, It would tnko billions and bil
lions of bngs!" he suddenly shouted.
"Yes; I figured on a hundred bil
lions." "And hundreds of thousands of
men!"
"Ten million, as I figure."
"And 10,000 storehouses for the
bngs!"
"Make it f.0,000."
"And how are you going to get the
hot air into them?"
Gt-rich-quick Game.
"Why, leave the corks out and let it
creep In. When a bag Is full slip
around and cork It up. It's the great
est scheme, ever thought out Mr.
Bowser. It will make millionaires of
us lu one winter. lu five years we
can buy both Standard Oil and the
steel trust. It hubs rb Is good, but hot
air is better. Will you hand me that
thousand dollars tomorrow? I want
to begin buying the bngs tomorrow
for next winter. And. by the way,
mum's the word. lon't even talk In
your sleep about It."
Mr. Bowser got up aud sat down.
Then he got up again.
Then he went to the telephone and
rang up tho family doctor's number
and asked If the M. D. was in. He
waisn't.
Good Laces
Good
Style
TRUE
Then be attempted to say some
thing, but bis tongue got twisted and
made no sound but u r-r-r-r-r.
Mrs. Bowser hnd turned from him
to figure with pencil and paper, and he
went down tho ball, clapped on his
hut and softly opened and closed the
front door behind him.
Five minutes Inter he was telling
his family druggist of Mrs. Bowser's
scheme. The man heard him In pa
tlence, and when the story was ended
and he was asked whether a doctor
should be called for Mrs. Bowser or
not ho arose, felt the top of Mr.
Bowser's head and murmured:
"Here at Inst! I knew It must come,
but I thought It might be delayed n
few dnys yet. Poor man poor man
A limntlc asylum for the rest of his
llfo for him, but he would hnve it so!"
Nature Study.
"Now, Tommle, what do you
sec In tho suburbs besides grass,
trees and flowers?"
......
'Tcople wot's runnln' to catch X
their trains." New York Times.
Real Curiotitiei.
Lecturer (at dime museum) Ladles
aud gents, here wo have the young
mother and her baby thnt we've se
cured at $1,000 a week. Only two of
the kind. The baby Is homely, and
tho mother says so.
PIRATES OF HONGKONG.
Thay Are tha Rail Old Fashioned
Bloodthirsty Kind.
There are pirates In Hongkong not
the usual kind that greet tho gentle
stranger with an expansive smile and
take what he has for worthless rub
bish, nor yet the petty thieves thnt go
by thnt ninno on our own water fronts,
but the real old fashioned, murderous
kind, who count not the victims ns
they reckon the spoils.
Of course they do not swngger in cos
tume, as nil real pirates should, or ply
their trado In Hongkong's lmmedlnte
waters, but among the thousands of
fishermen, stevedores and coal han
dlers that crowd the harbor's edge they
mingle and gossip water front news,
knowing well w hen a particularly rich
enrgo Is due from the interior.
And In the purple twilight a Junk
darts out of one of the many estuaries
far up the West or Pearl river and
swoops with the suddenness of a hawk
on the heavily laden prize. The strug
gle Is short Over tho hills ou the
nnked backs of a swarming crew the
loot disappears forever from a smoking
hulk lu the rice swamps, or, as hap
pened In the enso of tho Snluam, half
a hundred tnko passage in the crowded
hold of a river Bteamer and when tho
handful of unsuspecting whites gather
at dinner raise a heathenish yell on
the startled air, aud the ship la tnken.
lilfles thrust through bolted doors
subdue tho pltlfiul fire thnt lasts a lit
tle while from behind the shot torn
tablecloth, but the Bhlp is already
headed for the bank by the quarter
master with a rifle at his ear, and one
more tragedy Is added to the long list
of crimes ou the Slklnng.-W. J. Ayl
ward In Harper's Magazine.
An Unfortunate Rasponia.
The problem of too many churches
In a given locality Is often a perplex
ing one. It Is said that the churches
In a certain village, on opposite sides
of tho streets, were so close that when
tho congregation In one church sang
"Will There Be Any Stars In My
Crown?" tho congregation In the other
church promptly responded. "No, Not
One; No, Not One." Fortunate ts It It
the seeming contradiction U confined
to tho unintentional inharmonious re
sponses In songs. Lipplncott's.
SANDY BEND HOKE
Judge Grieves During a Session
of Court.
HIS MAN JIM FALLS DOWN
Constable Did Not Bring In tha Jump
r and Waa Boo'ed Acroaa tha Crook.
Lung Sing Geti the Job and Imme
diataly Make Good.
By M. QUAD.
Copyright, 1810, by Associated Literary
Press.)
rniDS hour for opening court at
t Sandy Bend had passed, but
Judge Hoke still sat with bis
bead and his face half turned
from the spectators.
It was evident that he was strug
gling with a strong emotion. Not un
til ten minutes past the hour did he at
last raise his hcMl, reach his feet in a
weary way aDd In a broken voice ut
ter the words:
"I now declare this yere court open
and ready for business."
There was a general look around for
Constable Jim Sand, but the officer
whose duty it was to make the an
nouneement was not to be seen.
"You will look for him In vain," con
tluued the Judge. "It is never again
for Jim. Is he lying on a dying bed?
Is he laid up with broken bones? Has
grief over the death of the wife he ran
away from back lu Indiana eighteen
years ago so convulsed his frame that
be cannot appear bere this morning?
"Gentlemen, I have the same feel
Ings this morning that struggle In the
breast of the man who stnnds beside
the open grave of a loved brother.
Grief tugs at my heartstrings, and
tears moisten my eyes. It's worse
than holding only a pair of ten spots
with a $300 pot on the table to be
taken by ar pair of Jacks.
"And why this grief, and why these
tears? First, because I have been de
ceived, and, second, because this glori-
IiUNd B1NO UllINOH IN THE JUMPKB.
ous west Is filorlous no longer. She's
a sham, tide's a bluff. She's shamed
us In the eyes of the whole world. 1
own the Bed Dog saloon, as you all
know, and that place is for sale. To
morrow, unless 1 change my mind, I
resign my ollice as a court and seek
other fields, and Sandy Bend will
know mo no more. I shall be driven to
It by shame.
"Three months ago, gentlemen, Tete
McCoy, duly elected constable for San
dy Bend, got in the way of a stream of
bullets from an automatic gun while
doing his duty. He had sand. No man
with n cannon could bluff him. We
hung the shooter and buried poor Pete,
which I believe was the legal and the
right thing to do. We can look out of
the side winders and see his grave on
the liijxlde. That don't help his case
any, being ho was dead when we plant
ed blm, but It helps us to remember
that ho was pure grit from head to
heel.
Jim Sand Successor to Pate McCoy.
"Poor Pete beiug gone, It devolved
upon this court to appoint some one to
fill his place until 'lection came round
agnlu. The court felt rather particular
about it. Just stch auother man as
Jim was wanted. The court sat down
and reflected, and the court stood up
and looked. It was three days befort
she mnde up her mind.
"And then who did she app'lnt? Who
wns the chosen one? You all know,
and the blush of shame must mantle
your cheeks us well as mine. Jim
Sand was the man. Jim had been
hanging around these diggings for
weeks. He hnd two guns bjA a roar
ing voice. He was big and husky, and
he wns lightning on the draw. Not
that be ever shot anything after he
drnwed, but being his name was Sand
we thought the rest of hlra was made
up of the same material.
"Gentlemen, this yere court, being a
court, a poker saloon, the owner of a
race hoss and n fighting dog and then
tomo more, had an Idea that he could
tell a game man on sight. He was nn
ass and Is iiu ass. He picked Jim
Sand for nbout the coolest nerviest
critter for fifty miles around and ap
fi'lnted him constable. You'll agree
with me that Sandy Bend sat up and
took notice. She was never so quiet
ud peaceful. There wns an Iron heel
on her neck. She almost asked Jim's
permission to cough or sneeze. I was
complimented ii hundred times over on
having got the rlnht man.
"Well, time went on. There was no
fussing for .lim io butt Into, ne walk
ed about with his two guns buckled on.
and the rest of us behaved ourselves.
Jim was dying for something to bap-
NOT1CK FOIl PUBLICATION.
Impart merit of the Interior,
I'ntiiM states Laud Ottloe,
Tbe Unlit, Oregon, November 2S, 1910
Notice la liptvhv olp.n (hat L'arrn M
Olney, 301 tl K. Temioe Ht., Seattle, Wh., has
flloil 111 thin iiffl.v .HotillMr'l Ari.llf lonul Homo.
stes.l entry, No. iis Ha nnKnee of Sarah J.
Olney, widow of Ueorge W. olney, deceased,
forH'i NWUSee. u.TatJ., K.9E., W. M.
Any Brut all permma claiming adversely the
amlnKtxive rtwrlned, or deolrlng to object,
because of the mineral character I hero if, or
tnrany other renxon, to the disposal of the
mine to applicant, should tile their afflfla
vlts of protest In this office on or before the
SBth dy of Jaauarv. lull.
D.S J19 "C. W. MOORK, Register.
pen where lead would fly, but the
wmethlng held off until late jester
lay. Then a tenderfoot comes in from
:be hills and tells me that his claim
baa been Jumped and that be has been
ihot at by a stranger. I calls on Jim
Sand to go out and bring in tbe Jump
er, and I was keerful to say dead or
alive if dead We would bury him; if
alive I would give bim a dose of old
Wyoming Jestlce.
Falls Down on His Job.
"Jim licks his chops and oils his
guns. What he bad longed for bad
come about. He was a gallant sight
as he sot out on bis cayuse, and
found my heart beating with admira
tlon. Two hours later It was beating
with something else.
"Jim Sand located the Jumper. The
jumper located Jim.
" 'Ilello,' says Jim.
" Hello, yourself.'
" 'Have you Jumped a tenderfoot'i
claim?'
" 'The same.'
" 'Then I arrest you in the name of
the law.'
" 'Then I give you two minlts to git
"And did Jim Sand pull bis guns?"
asked the judge in a plaintive voice as
be wiped tears from his eyes. "He did
not. Did he utter a warwboop and
charge? Not any. Did he skeer that
Jumper the least mite in the world?
Not a Bkeer. Did he do a blamed thing
but wheel bis cayuse and come back
to Sandy Bend on tbe gallop? Echo an
swers that he didn't.
'Jim comes to me at the Bed Dog to
report. He was white faced, and bis
cayuse was In a lather.
" 'Where's the Jumper? I asks.
" "Back there,' he answers.
"'But why didn't you bring him
along?"
" Too hefty fur me.'
"'Are you wounded?"
"Not fatally.'
Chinaman Makes Good.
"With that I looks at Jim with
long, steady look, and I sees that all
his sand is simply sawdust. He's
howler, but no shooter. He's a big
man, but all bluff. I send blm away
and deputizes Lung Sing, the Cblny
man to go after tbe Jumper. He goes,
He Is armed with only a club. He lo
cates that Jumper, dodges a bullet and
gives him a crack on tbe bead and
then shoulders him and brings him
along.
"No, you didn't see the claim Jumper.
When he told me all how it was I pat
ted him on the back and gave him a
ten spot and his liberty. As fur Lung
Sing, I can't app'lnt bim constable, but
I can and do hope you will all change
shirts at least once a fortnight and
patronize no other laundry but his.
"Gentlemen, this yere court stands
adjourned. Please go out softly and
leave her to ber sad and bitter re-
flections that the time has arrove In
the glorious history of America when
Rhode Islander with a stone In a
stocking is Jest as good a man as a
Bandy Bend critter with two guns
and a voice that can be heard two
miles. Let us cover our faces and
weep!"
Utilitarian.
In one of tbe public schools Is a girl
whose forbears held that tbe prlncl
pal aim of the life of a woman Is
marriage. This little girl Is well up In
most of her studies, except geography,
The other day her teacher sent to her
mother to see that the girl studied ber
lesson. The next few days showed no
Improvement, and the teacher asked
whether she had delivered the note.
"Yes, ma'am," was the reply.
"What did your mother say?"
"She said that she didn't know geog
rnpny an sue got married, an' my
aunt didn't know geography an' she
got married, an' yoa know geography
an' you haven't got married." Llppin-
cott s.
All Stoppad.
Jack Johnson was talking to a New
York sporting editor about game fight
ers. "But they're all game." he said, with
a good humored smile. "Thev're all
as game as Tommy Burns was at Syd
ney. "In one of tbe later rounds at Svd-
ney, when I was punishing Burns pret
ty bad, a backer yelled:
" 'Brace up. Tommy, old bov. and
stop some o' them blows!'
'Stop 'em? said Burns. 'Do von
see any of 'em getting by? "-Boston
Globe.
Doubly Thankful?
"Have a nice Thanksgiving this vear.
Uncle Joslab?"
"Hain't bad a more tbankfuller one.
by heck, fer ten yearr
'Don't say! City cousins ud to share
It with you, as usual, I suppose?"
isope!" Browning's Magazine.
rooting tha Boy.
"What is meant by one of the
old masters?"
"A past master, of course."
New York Press.
His Side.
"I hear your daughter is coming out
this season."
"Yes, and the bills for It are coming
in." Baltimore American.
Washin' Day.
It's washin' day at our house.
An' this la how I tell:
It cornea right after Sunday,
An' It haa a sudsy smell.
An' father's In a hurry,
An' mother's tired out,
An" ev'ry one'a Jes' awful cross
An' don't want ma about.
Bo I take Teddy an' my dolt.
An' we go oft an' play
That av'ry day la Christmas
An' the' ain't no washin' day.
Woman's Homa Companion.
Having Bought the
express and Dray
Business
of II. It. Johnston I am ready
for all sorts of light transfer
work. Day Phone 64. Nirht
hone 113L.
W. W. COTTON
START THE NEW YEAR RIGHT
GET YOUR MONEY'S WORTH IN
QUALITY AS WELL AS QUANTITY
Trade with us this year and
watch your savings increase
OUR GOODS ARE THE BEST
THE HANDY CORNER
GROCERY
G. P. CHRISTIE
Fresh Flour and Feed
COPYClCHt.
A. SUCCESSFUL BAKINd Follows tbe use of White River and Golden
Crown Hour, When you bake bread, pies, cakes or any kind of pastry
you will find this Flour a safe and reliable standby. Try it once and you
win never use any other.
STRANAHAN & CLARK
HOOD RIVER, OREGON.
LESLIE BUTLER, Pres. F. McKERCHER, Vice-Pres.
TRUMAN BUTLER, Cashier
Butler Banking Company
Hood River, Oregon
Capital, $50,000.00
Surplus, $50,000.00
Savings Department
SMITH BROTHERS
Successors to Jackson & Jackson
Staple and Fancy Groceries, Fruit and
Vegetables.
We Give All Orders Careful Attention and Make
Prompt
HONE 47
For Sale by Owner
200 acres, GO acres cleared, 11 acres planted, balance
unimproved. Price cheap and easy terms.
J. P. Thomsen
K. F. D. No. 1 box 09
WMmnmtmmimmmmmm in--;-
tl
I
Begin the New Year by l
Buying Meat Here
When you "come in" and get Beef or Mutton it's
the kind that can be depended on, and that brines
you back. Try us. 6
HOOD RIVER MARKET ii
" mmm
P ft ONE 262 L.
The Celebrated
White River &
$ Golden Crown
Brands. - . - .
MaiiaaiBlaaaaaaaVaaaMiiaiaiaMBaMMNmMHiaaaaaaaaaaaa
Made From Selected
Hard Wheat
Safety Deposit Boxes
Flour and Feed
Deliveries.
PROMPT DELIVERY
Phone 296 Odell
"COMING IN"
is what we ask all ;iovers i
of PRIME ROASTS ::
and CHOPS to do- ::
in a word
,, 1 1 1 t 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 if