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About The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 29, 1910)
TTnnT -RTTrPR flT. AfrTFP TWTTPHTiAV TIP.f! ir.TWRF.T?. 1fl10 ii. iv. x 7i. 1 1 run lame. I.I Al llK SI IKS UUttn vvLuuimu uin. Maids (if Hooil liivt r. you nrc sweet, lint you have the blami'dest feet ! I have roamed in many lands, Minne sota's ice and Utah's Hands, Idaho s deserts and Wyoming hills, by the shaded eastern rills - but in no state did me;t, maidens with so widespread feet. Maids ot Hood River, are your shoes larger than you need to use? Do you wear them, gentle maid, just to help the leather trade. Surely all those shoes wc meet, are not Idled with women's feet. This paper recently received an ar ticle for publication. The gentlemen who sent it evidently wanted to start an explosion. The (ilat-ier is not a powder magazine. A Hood River woman visited i'ort land last week and while there had her fortune told, and the fortune teller told her that he was going to get two big chunks of money in u few days. She goes to the pontollice every morn ing. Do you old wrinkle-eye cusses ever think of the fool things you did when you were young? No ! A Hood River man is ambitious and wants to become prominent, so that when he is sick the doctor will issue bulletins announcing his condition. Thero is said to be seven party dresses in town that have not been sprung. A Hood liivtr woman touched her tongue to a llaLiron the other day to see if it was hot. From the evolu tions she made it was evidently quite warm. If a certain Hood River man would laugh more he would not be bothered with the dyspepsia. The wire fencing underwear has dis appeared from the display windows. Diil you ever notice that popcorn turns white when it pops. An Oregon poli tician turns red. It is ever so much cooler this morn ing, reason: the landholders Union held a meeting last night. If you kick too much it will wear out your shoes very quick. Moral: Don't kick. Since speckled socks have gone out of style our machine? man ought to tie down the ends of his pants. We don't blame the young things for kissing each other at the depot Sunday evening as they had not seen each other since the night before. Since the girls have commenced to wearing "coal-skuttle" hats they are being accused of having low foreheads. You'd laugh if you knew the Hood River sporty young fellow who rode from The Dalles here in a freight car the other night. A Hood River young lady said she thought 13 an unlucky number, be came last summer she took a trip and slept in a l'ullman berth No. 13 and was sick ull the time. There is one Hood River man who, wishing to be economical since Christ mas, is now wearing his wife's leather belt for a four-in-hand. There's one church member in Hood River, who has the faculty of dropping a nickel in the basket in such a way that it sounds like a keg of spikes hail been dumped into a galvanized wash tub. A newly married man who runs the Monday morning washing machine always knows when wash day coined, because his wife gives him "Vigor" for breakfast. A Hood River girl is wearing a diamond ring this week and more than half of the time she wears the diamond on the inside of her linger to suppress suspicion. A red Mag is a signal to slop so is a red nose. 1 he young lady who is wearing u race track hat has an awful time in reaching the hat pin. With turkeys at .'(0 cents a pound one didn't have to eat very much to make a hog of hunselt last Sunday. Now is the time for the butchers to advertise remnant sales of turkeys. It is proper for a church widow to llirt ii bit, for the Bible says the widow's mite. Those who expect to get a bill through the legislature for the "peo ple's special benefit" should begin to get busy. It must be admitted that the Decem ber weather in Hood River beats the band. From the number of weddings re ported for the near future, marriage is going to make the supply of million aires rather short for the first of the new year. I lie man who Hunks that woman talk is cheap, ran up against the real thini' the other day and got interested in a conversation with a lady over the long uisiance pnone, iloesn I Hunk so since the bill lias neen presented t him. Did you ever notice that near beer makes some people Meshy and others lean against something: On Coupla of Matiira Yeara Recaivad a Pair of Coffin. An Englishman extremely fond of hunting received as a wedding gift from an anonymous person a complete set of false limbs n set of artificial teeth and a couple of gins eyes, to procure nil of which the sarcastic donor must, of course, have put him self to considerable expense. Accom panying these strange presents was n note wherein the hope was expressed that, by reason of the recipient's many falls while following the hounds, some or nil of these substitutes might ulti mately prove of use. As the bride groom had Incurred much enmity while holding ofllco under his government, It was supposed that thoso gifts came from n disappointed odlco seeker. A well known American writer re ceived from n rival man of letters a Bcrnp book wherein were carefully pasted and Indexed many hundreds of clippings containing adverse criticisms touching the former's work, and n popular artist was presented with a set of elementary works upon self Instruc tion iu drawing and painting. Some years ago In the west an elder ly, crusty merchant on espousing a spinster of mature ago was presented by an undertaker with two colllns for himself and wife, a letter which ac companied thoso ghastly gifts stating that they would, unlike most of the other offerings received, bo sure to be of service. Naturally enough the bridegroom resented this singular if useful rift, and it took all tho efforts of mutual friends to prevent a breach of the peace. Like vexation was no doubt felt by an Infirm octogenarian In Ohio who 'redded a pleasure loving woman more than fifty years his Junior. Tho pres ent In this case was a large brass cnge. 'Intended." so the Inevitable accom panying letter stated, "to restrain the wayward (lights of a giddy young wlfo who has married a decrepit old root for his money." Chicago Record Herald. The Important Parts. A r,,rmi'f ir unw Kent nrolltul to lllllkO some Inquiries concerning a new play tllllt I'aviil iteiasco was rngiigeu in writing. "V..u " en i.i Din lil ' I n in ivril loir-n play. What do you want to know about it?" "Anything you can tell me will be Interesting." was the reply. "Wi.ll " vn Ui'limcn'M resinonsp. "It Is to have four acts and three Inter missions, and l ve just mushed the in termissions. - huccess Magazine. 3. A Popular Supposition. X "What do we understand by 'a X IllKbt of genius?' " X t "Siairs leading to the attic."- Itrowning's Magazine. j Tea Party Talk. "You Americans are a nation of tradesmen," said the man with a mon ocle. "Well," replied Miss Cayenne, "per haps we are. There's no doubt that wo have made a greater success of a lot ot enterprises than some of your ancestors made of the tea business." Washington Star. SCIENTIFIC MOTHERHOOD. Oil, deary me! Oh, deary me! That such a thing should ever be That motherhood should come at last And 'monKt the sciences be classed. With chemistry, astronomy And ge and entom okt?yl I'm mighty glad, you may be sure. My mother was an amateur. The scientific mother Jogs Her Infant like a thing of cogs. And cradles now no longer rock, Lest nervous systems they shall shock. The child Is placed within a silng A sort of antiseptic swing And not too fast and not too slow Fair sclenco sways him to and fro. The little babe's no longer pressed Against his untaught mother's breast. Hut held at arm's length, so that he May gather girth expansively. And when his little tummy's (lllid With milk and pepsin thrice distilled He gees to dreamland by the rule On couch of medicated wool. The mother's kiss Is obsolete. As also Is her hug so sweet, Hecauso that dearest kiss of youth Holds microbes dangerous, forsoothl And every show of mother love, With eyes lit like the skies above, Is quite forbidden lest it serve To enervate the Infant nerve. No scientific mother etieors With baby talk tho infant ears, Hut molds his character with speech Such as tho Icy purists teach, And lullabies and southing1 hand To send him Into slumberland Cold science treats with sniffs and shrugs As merely sentimental drugs. And when, perchance, the science kid Hath done something that Is forbid Ho does not feel the gentle tap Face down across his mother's lap. Put, shivering with fear and awe, Is taught the majesty of law That Justice holds a flaming sword Though virtue's still Its own reward. And when the child of science plays 'Tls all In sclentlllc ways. Hr may not pull his daddy's hair Or play his grandad Is a bear. A game like that would give, you see, False notions of zoology, And fairy tales are all tabooed My scientific motherhood. 1'uor little chap, by sclonce bred, On rule and regulation fed I To go through all your baby time With ne'er a song or nursery rhyme And not a bit of natural play To cheer you on your baby wayl Orcat Bcott, I'm mighty glad, I'm sure, My mother was an amateur! Judge. Juvenile Logio Wasted. The Infant has been at It again. "Dad," he asked, "docs It cost much to keep a Hon?" "It does, my son," "A wolf would make a good meal for a lion, wouldn't It, dad?" "Yes." "And a fox would be enough for the wolf, wouldn't it, dad?" "I suppose so. Go on and play." "A fox would be satisfied with a hawk, and a sparrow would satisfy a hawk, eh, dad?" "H'm! If you don't go a way" "And n spider would make a meal for a sparrow?" "Yes, yes! Now" "Walt a minute, dad. Now we'ro coming to It. A spider would be satis fied with a fly, wouldn't It?" "Ye-es, my sou." "And a drop of molasses would he enough for a tly, wouldn't It?" "Well, supposing It would?" "Yes; that's Just it. dad. Now I want you to tell me this: Could a man. keep a lion for mora than a year with a quart of molasses?" j And then the sound of a falling slip- per awoke the echoes of the BtU'.J i nlght.-llrooUlyn F.agle. The Famous The Lamp with Diffused Light should always be used where several people sit, because It does not strain the eyes of those sluing far from It. The Rayo Lamp Is constructed to give the maximum diffused white light. Every detail that Increases lis light-giving value has been Included. The Rayo Is a low-priced lamp. You may pay $5, $ 10 or even $20 lor other lamps and get a more expensive container nut you uuuui Kii better light than the Kayo gives. This season's Rayo has a new and strength ened burner. A strong, durable shade-holder keeps the shade on firm and true. Easy to keep polished. It Is made of solid brass, finished In nickel. Once a Rayo Uer, Alwaya One. Dmitri Evfrywhtrt. 1 not at yws. wrilt fnr tttscriptiii circular to I hi ntarut agtrcy cf the Standard Oil Company (Incorporated) 'lWiril.mii-f"t'"TTiiririiiliii.lni1i-' -rt.i ...J.iUw. .nnniiHnt. .inci prnritiiiirnirnin nil . ml i y f J IUaalbiktlUaaalalMMlMjtjMM O-W. & N. Time Tahle. WKST HOUND No. !), Fast Mail (Mail Only). .4 :50 a. m. No. 3, Portland Flyer 5 :55 a. m. No. 7, Portland Local 7:45 a. m. No. 5, Ore. & Wauh. Express. . H :45 a. m. No. 11, Soo-Kpokaiie-rortland9:30 a. ui. No. 1, Portland Local 3:05 p. m. No. 17, Ore. & Wash. Limited (Solid Pullman) 5:45 p. m. FAST BOUND No. 2, Baker Citv ocal 10:45 i. m. No. 18, Ore. ci Va-h. Limited (Solid Pullman) 11 :5il a n-. No. 8, The Dalles I-oeul ii:L'U p. n.. Sn. 4. Ktuitrnne I-'lver S t M n. 111. v 1 1 a i 1 1 :i ,...t.. u .or ! .'u. ju, raoi loan unun uiny ) a. to i. in. No. II, Ore. and WaBh. Lxp...l0:M) p. m. No. 12, Hoo-Spokane-I'oit 12:55 a. in. Trains 3, 5, 11 and 17 make no stops between Hood Kiver and Portland, passengers for local point9 must take trains 7 or 1. Train No. 18 slops only at The Dalles, Arlington, Umatilla and Pendleton. Passengers for points between Hood Kiver and Pendleton must take trains No. 2, 8 or 8. For further information inquire at ticket ollice. J. II. FKKPUICY, Agent. r rJt wt n-fT rwrt rJT l m ijru irL uru ini HENRY N. HACKETT SURVEYOR DRAUQHSMAN All kinds of sub-dividing. Accuracy guaranteed. l'hone4l Res. 245K Oregon The Last Call of The West Did you see this beautiful article in four colors in the November SUNSKT? $25,000 IS KKING SPENT BY SUN- SKT MAGAZINK on a series of articles superbly illu trated in four colors pic turing and describing the attractions and resources of the Wonderland of The Pacific We will send you the next three issues of SUNSKT commencing with the spec ial December issue in which begins tho best cerial novel of the vear "The Spell", by C N. ic A. M. Williamson and a superbly illustrated article in four colors on "San Francisco the Exposition City;" and in addition we include a copy of the November ifsue containing the beautifully illustrated article on Oregon. ALL FOR .'." CKNTS (Stamps or Coin) Sunset Magazine Wells Fargo Building Portland, Oregon M. New Year Greetings V wish to thank our many customers und friends for the moat plensnnt and prosperous year we lmve ever had in Hood Kiver. Our aim mid constant t'lideavor during the coming year is, ae in the past, to merit the confidence and trust you place with us. A Happy and Successful New Year To All ii U H S 11 ii 5! 8 IK jjjl SMI 1 ri liLUUlv taVyww'rurr' rw? m rut rm' rvw runt T-i'ni run rv KEIR CA Reliable Druggists Hjt run Si 8 S & ii ii 8 8 8 8 43 - vl" r41 u'lfli o iwacrrtti fliat M7-rrhr1 r tnlfps nff his hat in if VOli ffi-l r " . H -- j v . .-v Lvi 1 ii You EHay Drive iloma with a watron that everybody takes off his hat to if you trade with us. We are not given to cxtravatrant state ments but the experience we have bad selling Studehaksr Vehicles and Harness warrants us in putting it strong. That experience proves that nothing satisfies so well as Studebakers. We don't need to tell you that they are honest goods. When you have made your pur chase you go home satisfied and stay satisfied. That's the kind of customers we need in the building of our business. That's why we handle the Studebaker line. Do vou need aomethlno? Let us figure on It with you. Gilbert-Vaaghan Imp. Co. Hood River, Oregon. P. S. Rtudehakcrs nre not afraid to branflthefr product with th name StudehaVter, and that immediate on your jod is Vutir best guarantee that y tu nave a Tpmcie 01 true vaiuo u wu. Real Estate Bulletin On account of sickness, owner of 10 acres on East side will sell at a bargain, six acres in full bearing Spitz, Newtowns, Ort leys and Jonathans. Three acres in 4-year-olds and one acre ready for plow. House, barn and all tools. Only six miles from town and on main road. $7,500 for ten acres one mile out. All in tree3 but two acres. Barn, tools and five inches water. Trees two years old to bearing age. One acre of new berries. Guy Y. Edwards & Co. Phone 228L Office Oregon Hotel Notice to Stockholders of the Stockholders of Farmers Irrigating Co. The annual meeting of stockholder of tha FarmerH lrrlKllni Company will ha helU January 7, 1911, at la a. in., at K. of I'. Hull, to eleiH Keven Ulreetora to serve one year. 1 here will alHO be voted on If the Company shall lucrease Hie bonds or borrow the money to nay for the Improvement under construction. Also to vote to amend the Hy-Lwt, Article 7, to read "first Saturday In January" Instead of "first Katurday In October." By order of Directors. I take this method in sending Greetings to my many customers for their patronage and courtesies shown me during the year 1910, and I thank all heartily for same, and wish them a Prosperous and Happy New Year. Yours truly, CLARKE, THE JEWELER i aaai I 5! li IX ii ii ii li ii ii li ii a ii ii ii ii ii ii ii ii ii ii ii B ii ii n B B B B B B B ii B B B B rvn rt UiaHaMaMaMa M m 'aJt lBgaJ UDOJ Extra values in white and gray Oregon City Wool Blankets $4, $4.50, $5, $5.50, $8, $10 They are worth more money Cotton Blankets, extra large size; the prettiest and soft est cotton blanket we ever offered, bought direct from a Southern cotton mill. QUILT: Chas. Mairbe's Quilts filled with pure white cotton, silkoline covered in pretty patterns, soft and fluffy, al most equal to real swansdown. Prices $2, $3, $3.25, $3.50 utile Co, inl U-W 1 trtjryjrrur I Iru irti -H
