HOOD RIVER OLACITVH THURSDAY, 'IARCH 21, 1907
Tne Dilapidated
' Gentleman Talks
Visits an Ohio Village and Tell How
He Came to Take Up
Tramping.
Copyright, IMC, by r. C. Eastmcnt.
""?XE evening lu the outskirts
If I of au Ohio village," bogan
J the dilapidated gentleman
as he rua asked for a rem
iniscence of the road, "I knocked at a
comfortable looking house to ask for
a bit? to cat aud leave to make my bed
undej; the currant bushes. The door
was 'opened by a woman weighing
about 200 pounds and having a moth
erly look ail over her. Just let me tell
you something rlut here. If It wasn't
for the fat women of America the
tramp would soon be an unknown
Quantity. They are as big hearted as
well, as big bodied. Not once In a
hundred times have I appealed to them
In vain. On this occasion I hadn't got
my mouth, open, before the good wom
an saluted me with:
" 'You poor fellow! But come right
In and get something to eat I don't
"THE I'OOB WAS OPKNED BY A WOMAN
WK1GUINO ABUl'I au IOOKOa." ,
believe you have had a full meal iu a
week. , Helen, help jue to set out the
cold victuals,'
"Helen was her niece. Bho was an
old maid. She had a turn up nose and
wore glasses, nnd she looked, upon me
as dirt beneath her feet. She assisted
her auut, but very reluctantly, and I
overheard her tn iking flguinst me. If
It bud, bocn left to her 1 should have
got the bounce Instead of a good sup
per. I knew that some sort of a story
would, be expected of me when I had
eaten,' und It occurred to me to heap
coals ,$f fire on the old maid's head In
revciige. Sure enough, as 1 shoved
back from the tuble the fat woman set
tled herself In a rocking chair and
aid: .
" 'You must have had some adven
tures jwhllo tramping over the coun
try?" '
" Tes'm;,a few.',
"'What started you on the tramp? ,
"'Now, auntie, what do wo care?"
put hi the old maid. 'lie's a tramp,
and that's euough. He Is probably
anxious to be ou his way.' .
" 'And I'm anxious to hear hira talk.
Why did you take tip tramping?'
" 'It la a story that I seldom tell,' I
replied, with a choke In my throat, 'but
you have been ho kind to me that It
would bo selfish lu tne to withhold It.
You may at some time have read or
heard of Chief Justice Rathskaller of
Washington. Well, he Is my father.'
"'You don't uiiy!' gasped the widow,
whilo the old maid pricked up her ears
and grew Interested at once.
" 'Ten years eg when I left college,
my father wanted me to follow In his
footsteps, or at least to become a law
yer. That was also my ambition, and
perhnpf l should have been ou the
bench today, but for a trifling Incident.
One day my mother sent me to the
laundry to say that the towels sent
home were short by one.' .
" 'Yes; I've heard how them city
laundries keep back tilings, replied the
widow.
"'At the laundry I could get no sat
Isfaction about the missing towel, lint
the girl who was running the tunncle
Instantly attracted my attention. She
was as handsome and had about such
a figure As this young lady here. ' ner
bearing was proud and aristocratic, as
Miss Helen's Is.'
""Tiiauk you,' simpered the old maid
ns she hitched her cbulr a foot nearer
and began to smile.
" "lJuat mangle girl captured my ad
miration In a moment and my heart
wlthlitx five. Twice again during the
day I returned to the laundry to upeuk
with Iier, nnd within two days I had
told her that I could not live without
her. I loved ns the strong man loves.
Had oceans rolled between us I would
have drunk them dry to kneel at her
feet.'
" 'Gracious, but you must have had It
hard!' exclaimed the widow.
'VI have always wanted to be loved
that way,' added, Miss Helen as she
gave tne a tender look.
'"Within a week' I had proposed and
been accepted. Then I found that
Jeanette was the daughter of a million
aire frho had put nil his money Into
a flying machine and it had flown
away from him. She had sold her
clothes nnd Jewels and gone to work
In the laundry to help him get a new
start.1 We had been engnged two
weekj when my father told me one
evening tfiht I must marry a girl
named Aramnntha Kehermerhorn. His
mind Lad been made up for some time.
but ho hud taken his time about In
forming me."
"'And yon refused? queried the old
maid. ,'Oh, Uo not tell me that you
Jilted the other! -
" 'I refused, of course. For the first
time In my life I deflod -uijr father.
Ararnanthrfi' papa owned" a theater,
and tad I wed her we could have all
had free Jijisscsjand I "could have gone
Denuia me scenes oow ana men, out
bo ar4j;;cu"cotild mak'ij me give up
my JemiKte of the mangle.'
"'Oodtl for you!' said the widow as
(be slapped the arm of the rocking
chair. :" .
K aavjajavatfiii j iFffjsrwnnitw i
There was true nobility In your ac
tion,' added the old maid.
"'When my father found that he
could not prevail upon me to carry out
his wishes he rose up with fierce mien
and a voice shaking with emotion and
said that he would mangle the girl of
the mangle before she should bring
disgrace upon his house. I paid no
attention to his words, but walked off.
Alas, I did not know my own father!
The very next night as Jeanette ceased
to mangle the collars and cuffs and
walked homeward thinking of me some
one told her that there was a dog fight
around the comer. She hastened her
steps to see, aud it was her undoing.
Some one came up behind ber and hit
her with a crowbar and broke ber
neck. She called my name and then
expired. Excuse me If I I'
" Toor nian! sighed the widow as I
turned my face away.
"What a romance! What nobility
of character! mused the old maid.
"'It was never ascertained who kill
ed Jeanette,' I continued after a prpcT
Interval, 'but I have every reason to
believe my owu father to 1m? the guilty
party. In fact, when I chaiged him
with It he simply grluued sardonically.
I called him her murderer and cursed
him and fled from his presence. In an
other day I was a wanderer, and I am
a wanderer still.'
" 'Hut why don't you go home some
times?' asked the widow as she wiped
her tears of sympathy away. ...
"'Can't you understand, auntie,' re
plied the other, 'that he no longer cares
to mingle with life? He has received
a great shock. His heart has been
broken. As he Wanders o'er the face
of the earth be thinks of hit dead
Jeanette. Down In bis heart there Is
the hope that some day some day be
may meet up with some young lady
some young lady who will remind him
of the loved and lost so strongly re
mind him that he will cease to sorrow
and'-
"She halted there, and I nodded my
head-but the widow bluntly finished:
'"'And marry her and be happy
again! Well, mebbe he will. I'm sure
I hope so. Helen, what are you blush
ing and hitching around so for?"
"It was mean of me." smiled the
dilapidated gentleman, "but It had be
gun to rain, and It was dark as tar out
doors. . I couldn't bcTp but sigh and
wipe my eyes. When I had finished
sighing and wiping I couldn't help but 1
look lovingly at both those women. !
couldn't help but see that I had found
a substitute for my lost Jeanette, but
which ono It, was was what puzzled :
them. I had ye parlor bedroom thstt
night and a staving good breakfast In
the morning, and I could have hung
around there for a' week and had the
best In the land, but I overheard some
conversation that mado me anxious to
strike the road again.
" 'Why, auntie, you surely don't
think of marrying again?' I heard the
spinster ask.
' 'Never you mind what I'm thinking
of, Helen Bmitherg,' wns the reply.
I've heard of women throwing them
selves at men's heads, but I never saw
It done till liwt night.' " M. QUAD.
The Brldea-Toom'a Qneatloa.
Clergyman With all my worldly
goods I thee endow. .
Prospective Bridegroom Say, par
son, Isn't this rather early to award
ftilraony? New York Tress.
Oat of Dnnarer.
Dusky Visitor (who has never seen a
hot water bottle before) I done kill
dnt beast anyway. Sketch.
From SItatra to nam pa.
Bins hey for the ring- of the crisp, cold
atesl
And ho for the winds that carry!
(Are you sure of that fastening ou the
heel?
By Jove, but this too looks ecary!)
Then It's yo and ho and eke folderol
For the motion no near to (lying! "
(This doesn't look good to me at all.
But here goca If I die a-trylng!)
Oh, It's nonny nonny and Iddy de turn,
As all skater ulna so mellow!
(Iton't shove me out that way! Now,
come;
Don't go and desert a fellow!)
Sinn tra-lB-la-la nnd tlddledy ump
As I 11 y to my love, who Is waiting!
(I knew it would happen! I'm down now
bump!
I'm through with this sport of akatlng!)
Denver Republican.
Snnta on Leather,
Oxalic add In weak solutions Is the
best thing to use when removing spots
from leather. Two or three crystals
of oxalic dissolved In warm water,
then applied with a bit of cloth to the
spots, will do the work. Watch close
ly, and when the spots begin to disap
pear apply clear water to overcome the
acid, which Is a powerful bleach. Dry
the leather with a clean cloth. For
bright leather make the solutlou weak
er. Philadelphia North American.
niitht In III Line,
Irate Father I'm getting tired of this
nonsense. You've been engaged to that
young man for six months. Does be
ever Intend to marry you? Daughter
You must have patience, papa. Re
member, he's an actor.. Irate Father
What has that to do with It? Daugh
terHe's fond of long engagements.
Ha Made Them Jtead It,
Daughter Have you found out yet
what It was thut papa cut out of the
paper? Mother Yes. I bought a copy.
I've read It all through, but to save
my life I can't see anything wrong In
It It's an article on the vulgarity
and silliness of buying gowns that are
beyond one'a means.
'
Ta Tral? Beaatlfal.
There la. It has been said, no fixed
standard , of art criticism. What Is
landed today Is discarded tomorrow,
and even connoisseur disagree be
Wlldeftngty; but, glancing back over
the ages, It will be found that the dis
cord has been caused ty technical di
vergence and that In every laud and
among all people the truly beautiful
has been generally recognized and cor
rectly esteemed. No one questions to
day the beauty of the Greek temple or !
the charm of the Babylonian pottery.
It doea not require trained eyes to rec
ognize the merit of an oriental flower
painting or to find delight In one of
Whistler nocturnes. The fundamen
tals In each Instance are the same
rhythmical line, fair proportions and
harmonious coloring. We have to he
led ofttimes up the ant-cut of art nnd
there. 1 much discussion concerning
the byways, but once on the height all
dissension ends, and we no longer need
I guide. Leila Mechlin lu Century.
Dryden'a Base.
The story I told that Dryden, finish
ing his translation of, "Virgil," sent It
to Jacob Tonson for. publication for a
sum specified upou . the manuscript
Tonson was desirous of .obtaining the
book, . but determined to. take' advan
tage of Drydeu's need of money. He
therefore Informed the poet that he
could not pay the sum Dryden asked.
In reply Dryden sent the following
line In description of the publisher:
WUh leering look, bull faced and freckled
fair,
With two left legs, with Judas colored
hair
And frowsy pores that taint the ambient
air. t
When this waa delivered to Tonson
he asked If Dryden had said anything
more. "Yes," replied the beurer, "he
said to tell the dog that he who wrote
these lines could write more I kethem."
Tonson aent the money at once.
Crocodile and the Core.
One does not usually connect croco
diles with a health resort rather the
reverse but the creatures are quite a
feature of the Indian bathing plnce of
Manghaplr, about nine miles from Ka
rachi. This town Is a place of pilgrim
age for pious Hindoos, but It Is chiefly
famous for the value of Its waters In
the cure of the drend scourge of lep
rosy. The waters are hot nud more
than 00 per cent of the sufferers who
bathe there annually, It Is said, are
cured. , The crocodiles are rather iwte
worthy In that they live In tho hot
water, apparently suffering no Incon
venience from Its temperature or me
dicinal qualities. Wide World Maga
elne. Terrrr ninnrhr Ilnlr.
It has been repeatedly affirmed that
Queen Marie Antoinette's auburn hair
turned white In the days of the reign
of terror, says the Caledonian, and an
English surgeon mimed Parry states
that Just after the I.ullnn mutiny he
actually saw the Jet black hair of a
rebel Sepoy, who was under examina
tion and feared a dreadful death, turn
white In the course of half an hour.
Ia the time of the commune In Paris
the dark hair of Baron Alphonse de
Rothschild was blanched In n few
hours.
Holding; Him Off.
"The head of the firm," said the su
perintendent "Insists Upon our employ
ing his son in this department and It's
ns much as we can do to keep him
Idle."
"Idle! You mean busy, don't you?"
"No, I don't If we kept him busy It
would keep three or four other men
busy correcting his mistakes." Phila
delphia Press.
Why He Quit.
"For the drunkard and the glutton
shall come to poverty." "I figured out
years ago," said a prosperous farmer,
"that with very moderate drinking I'd
drink an acre of good land every year.
So I quif'-Central Christian Advo
cate. A Strong Man.
Daughter Wasn't Julius Caesar one
of the strongest men that ever lived,
ba?, Father What makes you ask that
question, my little girl? Daughter I
was Just reading that he threw a
bridge over the Rhine.
Belated Teatlmonlnla,
If the testimonials of love and faith
on our tombstones were uttered In our
dally life, how often would they have
helped us over the briery fields nnd
rocky roads of existence! Baltimore
American.
AlaU ted Vith Rheumatism.
"I was and am yet afflicted with
rheumatism," says Mr. J. O. liayue,
editor of tin Herald, Addington, In
dian Territory, "but thanks to
Chamberlain's Pain Balm am al.lc
onon more to attend to business, ll
M the'best of liniments." If tiouhled
wlth'rheumatlsm give Psin liulm i
trial! and you ate certain to be more
than'pleased with the prompt relief
which It affords. One application re
lieves the pain. For aula by Heir &
Cagj.
To lemove a oo'igh you must get a
the oold whioh causes the cough.
There is nothing so good for this as
Kennedy's Laxative Cough Syrup.
The liquid oold relief that is moft
quickly effective, that stills and quiets
the oougb and drives out the cold.
Sold by Kelt & Cass.
MAGAZINE
READERS
SUNSET MAMZlftT "
beautifully il tartrate), good itoriet
and totnatint article, aboat
$1.50
UOdorala eaa all the tar Wert, a yen
TOWN ARB COWTIIY JOURNAL
a atoathty pubheatioa containing
pLua, eaaly-a
piaav aaaur-aauamuuu araciet a fa
a the hoBM, tardea, farm and $U. jU
ran at aaaraatta every mem
ber ol aSe batily-aUad with
a yeai
pboaajrapht aad pictum.
MAD rP X THOUSAND WONDERS
book el 7S patta, oo at lining
120 OaUarW pacftofrapht ' ol $075
pichimaaa) spate ia California '
"aoT!:rTotaI $2.75
An three for . .... $1.50
ADDRESS ALL ORDERS TO
SUNSET'MAGAZINE
FLOOD BUILDING SAN FRANCISCO
Apples, Apples,
White Salmon, Wash.
We -.". s !l ; ou hind that is tvo.nd to
mire in iti,;it f.ip 'o.OO per acre, thai
..s w.li. i; r;x nrhri n White balnu.n.
AW Ii-h I tiie XnrlbweH in the pro-
lui'ii'ii f r.ne strawlH-rrieo.
There U no country in the world th.t
will rxr.'l tlx in growing a fine grade oi
PppIcK
O sr N. town mid Siit7.enburg an
'tie ' t e woihl over. . j
o. 1. Vhe' acn-H 1' miles from!
'.' I.t e t-iil'i.on, in Cook's Adiii.n. I
I'our acn ? in cultiwition. one acre t-
!iiii'iel, 2. acres) straw berries. Tbial
rait i-i wli local I and will make a!
i'ur:tifil honw. I'ri.-e 1.&)0. I
No. 2. S!x nerv J '4 miles out, per
fectly lvel,-3S Hcn-K in cultivatiou, 2t
ai-re in strawberries-, about 60 younn
it uit trees, email tix luiuite, a delight
ful view of ll,? Columbia river, Mt
H'M'sd and llooJ liiver valley. Price
cl.iOU.
N'o. 3. l'orty hcivs 2 miles from
liri r-alnn n, 7,-irea in cultivation,
iisi.il fiuiul o-i.i,;iiil, bearing, a nuin
U r of g" ! - .ni;j. can irrigate ten
wo p. jiuK I strawberry and
uii Irti 1., 1. ' , u :ied, will make a
.-plcitiliri .iiii!Hnl poultry ranch,
liii' it b s-plmo l buy for either
a home i.r t , n, vestment. Price
f l.oiXi K..sy tt'i'. .-.
No. SI. l-'oi r ns (I one-half acres
iiiile from t.iwB, ll ice sU'.iooth land, all in
cuitiviiti'i'i, 2-i ui Iim, Newtown and
S;iitenluiva. iY2 chirrieis, Royal Ann
anil I'iii. 'IhihJ- tiie cheaest land
;n the valley, tur tons-t be sold in 30
ihiyji, l'rice fl,5efl. Very easy terras.
Xo. 2. 110 rrr. six miles from
l iie S.tlmon, ii (i iu ieo idee smooth
I iiid, 'JU Heron ufiru r ft-iiee, 25 acres in
cui'.iui ion, 200 fruit trees, 54 Ppltzen
berg, 50 Yacimap. "0 Johnathana, all 4
w arn old, li.i linre lainilv orchard now
I taring. KiWHeV'-1 timothy, 1J acresj
ci er, 1 10 fCMUian,!, two goou tpnngs,
iv 1 inL'.i'o 10 H.cri. Mam 38z48, email
luiii. '1 l.i- if N.v I apple land and a
great bar, ain.. Ur.ee if.i.aOO if sold soon.
"i'-GTS & GREGG,
WniTii Salmon, Wash.
Saved Her SjinN Life.
I'.plt-t vii. other In the little
The la
t SI'., II I t
ii':.: v.i'::
W P . ll I) 4
tfiUtt i
to !:(;) I
! i
f .'.' D:B
ii,: rove
tl ' 1(11 11
fiel.lv i'
tidCO lit
New Do
Hti1 ue 1 I
dm. :
$1. Ti
A to, Mo., i Mrs. 8. Rupee..;
1.:' '"t.)i!e year ago my son j
. I. v. ith -11 Ii serious lung
mi on l nicimi was unable j
i.' ; vi hen. by our druggist's!
I-i-khii "iviig him Dr. King's
ri vcry ' ami 1 soon uotioed
'i lit. 4 kept this treatment
civ wi ek-. nhou be was per-
J lis i :.a worked steadily
c.o ju iiim' work. Dr. King a
oov in y Wived his life," Guar
e .l cou'ji nud cold cure by
( '!-. is,e, ilru'ggiMt. 50o and
! i ntnee
v.. . 1111 in ill WMMW,
f COFFEE H
! TEA SPICES !
BAKING POWDER
I "EXTRACTS t
knm RimiT 1
CLOSSn&DEVERS
i POrtrlAND, ORE. JJ
1 . IW
. fi3 CI
Ore
gin Lumber Compa
WHOLESALE
ORDERS
iber, Lath, Shingles,
filing:, Cedar Posts
; and Poles
SOLICITKD
j 'nn alsi) furni.sh Slab Wood
Hood
City Ci ; i( i:: Phono Main 51
R. D. GOULD,
UMBING
tl
Steam and Hot Water Heating:
All jobbing promptly attended to.
i
A H CCESSFUR BAKING ,
linn s (m1!,,i:s (he use of White River
ai d i . 1, n Crown flour. Whether vou
hi:'." I icail, altos, pies, or any kind of
r:'-l"'. vim ill fin.1 thiR flour a safe and
If reti-.i.'e'siull.y. Try it once and you
3TBANAHAN & CLARK
. HOOD RIVKR, OREGON.
Will Stay ia Hood Clrr r j
. The remedy that maleejoiteat, eltp ,
and grow strong, called Pulmo Tablets, '
will I sold regularly" ty Williams'
1 liarinacy, - Hood River. These great .
nerve and constitution builder c.vt only
60c per box, six boxes, I2.S0. tf
Are You
Being
Poisoned?
If your liver is working
right you probably, are
not. When the liver is '
overworked, as i, fre
quently is, the system be
comes clogged. It is then
that sallow complexion,
bad taste in the iimutb,
headache , dizzy fpelN,
conliiidou languor, etc..
indicate that the poison
ous matter which xhould
be carried off id tlowly
tainting the blood. If not
remedied at once this
condition will cause se
rious trouble.
CLARU'S
PIL CASCARA COMPOUND
provides just' what is
needed to quicken the
liver into natural, healthy
action. If you take these
pills when needed , all
danger of tbis slow poi 4011 -.
iug is avoided. Posi
tive cure for eoimipatinn.
Price 25 cents
CLARKE
THE DRUGGIST
WOOD FOR SALE.
I am prepared to furnish mill and slab
wood, also other kinds of wood.
I have a new steam wood paw and am
prepared to do sawing. Also do general
team work.
FRED HOWE.
I'hnne 11.
C. P. R.
Next Door to MeUuire brother?.
Clothes Cleaned, Pressed and Repaired
All work done wi !i tr'i
Iron and giiaiHiilee l
AND RETAIL
FOR
$2.50 per cord, f o. b.
liiver
Mux Office: Dione Dee Line
RECEIVING DAILY
FRESH
Flour and Feed
CELEBRATED
WHITE RIVER
AND
GOLDEN CROWN
BRANDS
MADE FROM
SELECTED HARD WHEAT
aaaaVnon tamiXViOiza Par-.
Stanley-Smith
Wholesale and Retail
LUMBER
Lath, .Shingles, Etc
Lumber Delivered to
Square Deal Store
"Honest Goods and Sqaure
. . Deal for , Every Han" . .
IS MY MOTTO
The Ideal W eeder
Is what its name implies, a Genuine Weed Killer
and the nearest to perfection of any orchard
t.nnl rrp.t. infmrlnnAH in TTnnrl RiTTAr Vallftv Tru
V W W .F W V AM V WV WVV AAA alV-aa.
one and be convinced. Satisfaction Guaran
teed or no sale.
Osborn Spring Peg-Tooth Harrows
Acme Harrows
Plows and Cultivators
Potato Diggers
Wagons, Hacks aud Buggies
Flour, Feed, and a Full line of Groceries at all Times
Car Load Stumping Powder just received
Yours for Business
Phone 741
D.
3rd and River Street.
F. S. STANLEY, Pres.
E.L.8MITH, Vice-Pree."
The First National Bank
OF HOOD RIVER
Capital $50,000
We offer you the facilities of a well managed and
well equipped bank. The interests of patrons receive
our careful attention.
Hotel Waucoma
Moderate Rates
Excellent Service
P. F. F0UTS, Prop.
J. H GILL,
DEALER IN
Staple and js?
Fancy Groceries
AND HARDWARE.
SOLE AGENTS FOR
Majestic & Mesaba Ranges
and Stiletto Cutlery.
HOOD RIVER HEIGHTS, - - OREGON.
J. E. NICHOLS
UNDERTAKER AND FUNERAL DIRECTOR
LADY ASSISTANT
Prompt Service Day or Night
ORDERS PROMPfLY FILLED FOR CUT FI.OWFRS
Office Phone 1513. Residence Phone 1511 ROOD RIVER. ORE.
Lumber Co.
Any Part of the Valley
W V awta WW V Ml W. aa JW
M'DONALD
Hood River, Ore
E. 0. HLANCIIAR, Cashier
V. C. WtOCK, Asst. Cashier
Surplus $12,000
A FIRST-CLASS HOUSE
Farmer's Dinner
25c
Hood River, Or
J!