HOOD RIVER GLACIER THURSDAY, JANUARY 10, 1907
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The Perkins Familu
Have Their Troubles
Why ihe Head of the FairJy Did
Not Exchange an Old Piano
For a New One.
Copyright, 130C, by the McClur New
paper Syndicate.
JW
II. AXD MBS. PERKIXS lifld
got seated for the evening
and were seemingly content
and happy when slie looked
ip from her book and queried:
"Mr. Tcrkins, would it put you oul
very much If I were to ask you a ques
tion r
"Why, dear, you may ask me ti
thousand."
"And you won't be vexed?"
"Nothing you could say would vej
me. rroceed."
"Well, one day last May, when w
were sitting on the front steps, I spoke
to you about the plana Io you re
member?"
"I do, my dear, and I have the evi
dence right here In my pocket. My
memorandum book says It was on the
18th day at 3 o'clock In the afternoon
It was a beautiful day. What you said
to me about the piano was:
" 'It Is forty years old.
" 'It Is old fashioned.
" 'It has straight legs.
" There are seven broken keys.
" 'The pedals are out of order.
" 'It wheezes like an old horse.
" 'Everybody makes fun of It.
" Cant you turn It In toward a new
one?
"Those were your observations, Mrs.
Ferktn9. nave you anything to add to
them tonight?"
"Did you put down what you said lu
reply r
"I did, and here It Is:
"'Yes, It Is an old piano.
"1 have been ashamed of It for
years.
" 'During the next three months I
shnll turn It In toward a new one.
"'It must drive the neighbors dis
tracted to hear you try to play on It.
'"Say no more, darling. You shall
have a new piano before the 1st of
September."
"Those were our respective remarks
and observations, Mrs. Perkins, as ao
"8HH WAS FOUNDINQ,
curatcly recorded here, and have you
anything to add to thera at this mo
ment?" "Well, I 'wanted to call your atten
tion to the fact that September had
come and gone."
"I acknowledge It."
"And the old piano stands there yet
In the parlor."
"Acknowledged again."
"And, so far as I know, no stops
have been taken to replace It with a
new one."
"Not a Btep, Mrs. Perkins, aud I am
now prepared to reason the case with
yon. I have been exnectlng to reason
It with yoa for the hist month lu fact,
I was hoping you would speak to me
about It this very evening."
"Well, I have spoken."
"You see, my dear," began Mr. Per
kins, as he drew a long breath, "we
must begin at the beginning. Neither
of us Is a musician. We have neither
.on nor daughter to play. We might
Just as well have a corn shelter In the
parlor for all the use we could make
of It If we bad a thousand dollar
piano, what good would It do us?"
"Why, I play, and you know I do
and have praised me," replied Mrs.
Perkins In an Injured tone.
"My dear woman, let us look facts
In the face. You drum on the plnno.
You howl an accompaniment. You roll
your eyes. You hump your shoulders.
At various times I have said that you
played beautifully. I did It to keep
you playing and have revenge on the
neighbors."
"How dare you talk to me that
way?"
"Come, now, be reasonable. You
never took a music lesson In your life,
did you?"
"No, but what of that?"
"You can't sing any more than a
crow."
"But If I can t"-
"I don't revert to these things to hu
miliate you, Mrs. Perkins, but simply
to clear the ground for a start. It Is
a husband's business to praise his
wife's playing even If It gives him
toothache. The cold fnet is that nei
ther of us can piny or slug. Therefore,
of what use Is a thousand dollar piano?
You will answer tliHt one would look
nice In the parlor. I agree with you,
but when you have a $1,000 piano you
must have a $"00 rug to go with It;
also a new pwlor suit."
"But there are several neighbors wh
"Mrs. Bowser, I am going to put on
an old overcoat and cap and go forth.
I am solag to halt several pedestrians
and call at several houses. Not one of
them will turn mo dowu. Not one of
them will say me nay."
"But how silly all that would be!
You may run across some one who
knows you. If you will let It all go
and come along to the theater, I will
give the next tramp a quarter aud
talk to him with tears In my eyes."
Bellem In Fellow Man.
Iler levity was unfortunate. It only
strengthened Mr. Bowser In. his deter
mination. He looked at her very seri
ously ror a moment ana tnen sani:
"I believe In my fellow man and de
sire to still further strengthen that be
lief. I will appeal to the sympathies
of ten people, and I will come home to
prove to you that at least nine of them
opened their hearts In response. All
this talk about the world having be
come selfish and cold hearted Is an In
justice to It"
If a cyclone had come along and un
roofed the house, Mr. Bowser might
have been turned from his project but
as n ithlng of the sort happened he got
out an old overcoat and cap and start
ed off. Mrs. Bowser talked to him till
the last moment, but there was no
stopping him. He took a walk for six
or seven blocks, cooking up a tale of
woe as he wandered along, and then
he turned In at a cheerful looking bouse
and rang the basement bell. It was
answered after a couple of minutes by
the cook, and she no sooner caught
sight of blm than she shouted out:
"Nothing here for the likes of you!"
"But my three children are starving,"
protested Mr. Bowser.
"Then drink less whisky and buy
bread for them."
As he got outside the gate Mr. Bow
ser met a pedestrian. It was a man
with his hands In bis pockets and a
happy whistle on bis lips.
"Would you give a poor man 10
cents to buy bread for his starving
family?" was asked.
"Come, now, you old soak, but that's
too thin," replied the man as he kept
up his pace.
"A wife aud three children starving
In this laud of plenty, and I only ask
you for a nickel."
"That's all, but you are not going to
get It I don't encourage bums my
self. Clear out or I'll give you one
on the nose."
Three minutes later Mr. Bowser rang
tho front door bell of a house and it
was answered by a woman, lie start
ed to open bis mouth to state bis case,
but she closed It by saying:
"If you are not outside the gat In
half a minute I'll call my husband to
throw you out!"
He went without bavlug told his
story, and at the third house below
he rang the front bell agalu. He heard
a man laughing as be came down the
ball, and as soou as the door was
opened the story started off with:
"Kind sir, I have Just got out of the
hospital aud haven't a cent to my
name. Can you spare me enough for
a night's lodging? If you can heaven
will bless you."
."The blessings of heaven don't come
through such old bums as you are!"
exclaimed the man as be bristled up.
"How dare you come here and ring my
bell? By John, but you get off this
street or I'll have you walked to the
Jug In a hurry!"
Mr. Bowser got. He was turning
the comer when ho bumped Into a dea
con of the church Mrs. Bowser attends
every Sabbath day and be once lu
awhile. Here seemed a golden oppor
tunity.' He began In a quavering voice
to tell of his starving family, but had
not got half through when the deacon
Interrupted with:
"I'd see you lu the river first, be
cause I know you are an old drunk,
but I'll give you a pointer. Go down
to Maple street and find No. 37. A
man named Bowser lives there, and
you can work hi in for 00 cents If bis
wife happens to be out."
Ten minutes later Mr. Bowser open
ed his own front door and walked In.
When ho had hung up his hat and over
coat, Mrs. Bowser asked:
"Well, you appealed to your fellow
men. How much did you bring home?"
"What are you talking about?" be
asked, trying to look surprised.
"You went out to tell a pitiful tale
and solicit sympathy and assistance.
What Is tho result?"
Mr. Bowser sat down and took off his
shoes and put on his slippers. Then be
lighted a cigar and took up the evening
paper. When he had read for five mlu
utes ho said:
"I was over to tho drug store to get
some patent mustard plasters, but they
were Just out. If that fellow don't
keep his stock up better I shall stop
trading with hlin." M. QUAD.
ltenrrve Force,
''Willie, you uro Just as bad as you
can be."
"Huh! J guess you don't know how
bad I can be."
An Automobile Enthneiait.
"That air orterniobile you see goln'
by thnr," said the old man, "cost
$2,000."
"My, my!"
"But that ain't all. My boy Bill got
$3,000 outfit It Jes' fer runnln' over
an' brakln' his two legs!"
"My, my! What a power fer good
they air in the land!" Atlanta Consti
tution. Influence.
No human being can come Into the
world without Increasing or diminish
ing the sum total of human happiness,
not only of the present, but of every
subsequent age of humanity. No oue
can detach himself from this connec
tion. There Is no sequestered spot In
the universe, no dark niche along the
disk of nonexistence to which ho can
retreat from his relations to others,
where ho can withdraw tho Influence
of his existence upon the moral desti
ny of the world. Kvory where he will
hnvo companions who will be better or
Worse for his Influence.
The Vnual War.
When a mother forbade her daugh
ter social guyety on the ground that
she "had seen the folly of such things,"
the daughter very reasonably answer
ed that she wanted to see the folly of
them too. That Is the attitude of
youth toward the warnings of age.
London Lailv.
She Did.
Mr. Mlsflt (savagely) Before I mar
ried you was there any doddering
Idiot gone on you? Mrs. Misfit-There
was one. Mr. Mlsfit-I wish to good
ness you'd married him! Mrs. Mlsflt
I did. Los Anseles N'awa.
THE SHORT LIVED DOG.
Ula Normal Leacta mt Life hat Oat
acTeath That ( Ma a.
Surely It la by an unfortunate dis
pensation of nature that the dog, b
yond all question the chief friend of
man among the other animals, should
have a normal length of life which Is
no more, on a fair computation, than
one-seventh of his owu. There Is no
other figure which exprexses the rela
tive ages of man and bis dog so well.
The puppy of one year is about at the
same canine age as the child of seven.
At two years he Is probably a little
more advanced than a fourteen-year-old
boy, but the caulne age of three Is
very nearly equivalent to the human
twenty-one. And so It continues
through all the years of canine and of
human prime respectively, the ratio
fairly well preserved. It has to be ad
mitted that the old age of the dog, thus
computed, outlasts the old age of the
man. One bears stories which seem to
be fairly authentic of dogs living up
to eighteen, aud If we do hear stories
of human beings living similarly up to
120, at least we do not !elieve them.
But such an age for a dog Is quite the
extreme limit. The dog of ten years
approaches the equivalent of the three
score and ten which had been named
as the fair end of the human crea
ture's tether, aud on the whole the
multiplication of canine yenrs by seven
all through the stages of life gives the
corresponding age of man better than
any other figure gives It Westminster
Gazette.
OLD LEATHER.
Caca to Which Discarded Boots and
Shore Are Pat.
Old boots aud shoes of leather are
cut up Into small pieces and then are
put for two days Into chloride of sul
phur, the effect of which is to make
the leather very bard and brittle.
When this Is fully effected the mate
rial Is withdrawn from the action of
the chloride of sulphur, washed with
water, dried and ground to powder.
It Is then mixed wltti some substance
that will cause It to adhere together,
such as shellac or other resinous mate
rial or even good glue, and a thick
solution of strong gum.
It Is afterward pressed into molds to
fpnn combs, buttons and a variety of
other useful objects.
Prusslate of potash is also made out
of old leather. It Is heated with pearl
ash and old Iron hoops lu a large pot
The nitrogen and carlion form cyano
gen and then unite with the Iron aud
potassium. The soluble portions are
dissolved out mid the resulting salt
added to one of each, produces the
well known Prussian blue, either for
dyeing purpor-.es or as a pigment
London Boot and Shoe Trades Jour
nal. A Doabtfnl Compliment.
Although Mr. Hobbs was taken at
his face value by his son and heir,
there were times when the youthful
William's admiring tributes embar
rassed bis parent In the family group.
"I had quite an encounter as I came
home tonight," the valorous Mr. Hobbs
announced at the ten table. "Two men,
slightly Intoxicated, were bating a
quarrel on the comer. As usual, there
was no policeman In sight, and they
were In a fair way to knock each oth
er's brains out when I stepped between
and separated them."
"Weren't you afraid, father?" asked
Mrs. Hobbs In a quavering voice.
"No, Indeed! Why should I be?" In
quired Mr. Hobbs, Inflating his chest.
"I guess there Isn t anybody could
knock any brains out of my father!"
said Willy proudly. Youth's Compan
ion.
Coek Crowere An Extinct Trade.
"Cock crowers In the past got good
pay," said an antiquary, "but theirs Is
an extinct business now. Cock crow
ers were employed by the rich In their
town houses to crow the hour. They
crowed only the rising hour for the
most part but during Lent they crow
ed everything even the halves and
quarters all night long. It was a kind
of penance. These men were trained
from childhood to crow. Sometimes In
their childhood an operation was per
formed on their throats to give them
a more cocklike delivery. An ancestor
of mine on the maternal side was a
famous cock crower In his day." Lou
don Jrapjilo.
Loving- Klndneen.
My dog tried to bite me. I liked the
dog, so I kicked him lovingly In the
Jaw. He understood thnt argument.
My grocer tried to cheat me. I liked
the grocer. I did not kick him In the
Jaw, but I told him lovingly that I
would not deal with him again. He
understood that argument.
My baby tried to slap me. I liked
the baby, but I did not kick her In the
Jaw or even cease to play with her.
I kissed her lovingly on her cheek.
She understood that argument. Inde
pendent. A Teat For Erelh.
An Interesting test for eyesight may
be had by observing Ursa Major the
Great Bear on a dear starlit night.
Not every one Is aware that Mlzar, the
second star lu Ilia constellation, Is a
double star. To observe this doublet
demands good vlslou. Some starry
night look up to the sky and see If
you can discern It. If you do see It
you can rest content In the knowledge
that your eyesight Is not defective.
The Same Thins;.
Ta Twaddles- Well, what's the mat
ter now? Tommy Twaddles Ma says
I mustn't never say a word while she'
In the room. Ma Twaddles Why, no, I
didn't dear. I said you mustn't Inter
rupt while I'm talking. Tommy
What's the difference? 4
VenUon Oace Ckeaper Than Pork.
Time was, along In the early forties
and the early fifties of the last century,
that from the wilds of Morgan and
Brown counties hunters would bring
venison to market and sell It much
lower than pork was sold In that day,
pork being preferred by the Uoosler
then to the red deer of the woods. It
was In that time that an entire wild
turkey, full grown, would sell at a
price far below the present appraise
ment of a scrawny spring chicken, and
a dozen quail could be bought for less
money than It now takes to buy a
dozen links of sausage neither was
the quail required to masquerade as
"abort billed snipe." '
FIRE INSURANCE.
Fall Amoa.t May Sot Be Paid Craal
When Loaa la Camatetr.
In a fire insurance policy the sum In
sured merely marks the maximum lia
bility accepted by the Insurance com
pany and determines the premium to
be paid. It Is not lu any way admitted
by tbe Insurance office as a measure
of the value of the property lnsnred.
If I have a life policy for 5,000,
says a writer In the Nineteenth Cen
tury, my heirs can. on proof of my
death and their title, receive at least
5,000, possibly more If there are De
mises. If I have a ship aud I Insure
her with marine Insurance companies
for 5,000, I can recover the full fo.000
at once should my ship be totally lost
But If I - Insure my bouse against
fire for &.000 I cannot recover 5,000
unless I can prove the" bouse to be
worth fully that sum. All that I am
entitled to demand Is the actual value
of my bouse Immediately before It waa
burned, and I must give every assist
ance to the Insurance company In or
der that the actual value may be Justly
determined.
By statute tbe Insurance company
has the power to reinstate that house,
as far as the sum insured will go. In
stead of paying me anything. In prac
tice, compensation is usually agreed
and paid In cash without recourse on
either side to the right of reinstate
ment, but In no case am I entitled to
more than the actual value of my
house as It existed Just before the fire.
PATENTS ON INVENTIONS.
Meet B In the Nantee of tha Aetna!
Inventory.
The law provides for the granting of
patents only to the actual Inventor of
the patented Invention, and a patent
granted In the name of any one else
Is Invalid. For this reason It Is essen
tial that the application for patent be
made In the name of the one whom
the law regards as the Inventor. In
some factories It Is the custom to pat
ent every Invention In the name of
the president of the company. This
frequently happens because the com
pany has been built up on Inventions
made by tbe president or other officer,
and as a matter of pride the president
wishes to seo all patent Issued In his
name. '
This Is a dangerous thing to do In
the case of Inventions which were con
ceived by tho employee Inile.ie'.Hlently
of the officer, such as Inventions wholly
worked out by employee without ku1;
gestlou or assistance from the officer,
for If lu a suit brought under such
patent it were shown that while the
tvataot waa erauted In the name, of tbe
R. D. GOULD,
PLUMBING
Steam and Hot Water Heating
All jobbing promptly attended to.
WHOLESALE RETAIL
THE DALLES NURSERIES
R. H. WEBER, Prop.
THE DALLES, OREGON.
OROWKB AND DEALER IN
FRUIT, SHADE
AND
TREES
ORNAMENTAL m-- SMALL FRUITS
Evergreens, Rosea and Shrubbery.
Remember, Our Trees are Grown Strictly Without Irrigation.
WE CARRY THE FAMOUS
RED JACKET PUMP
"So Easy to Fix"
AND FULLY GUARANTEED
We can sell you a W IND MILL to run fc to-
NORTON & SMITH
Opposite post office
Buy Your Fruit Boxes
AT THE
Hood River Box Factory
and Patronize IJome Industry.
Best Quality Lowest Price
Home Made
Phone Main 71 .....-...
Bfc:
NOW IS THE TIME to trade your old Stove in, on
A NEW RANGE
The Big New and Secondhand Store
is the place. We buy, sell and exchange anything in Furniture, Stoves, Carpets, Tin and
Granite ware, Crockery, and in fact EVERYTHING salable.
Come in and be convinced that we can SAVE YOU MONEY.
phono 1053 0. P. DABNEY & CO., Proprietors.
officer the Invention was actually maae
by an employee the patent would be
declared Invalid, and usually-a' suit
would not have reached such a stage
until It "waa too late to go back and
patent' the Invention In the name' of
the real Inventor. Edwin J-Prindle
In Engineering Magazine. '
The Basraeaota.
' Here arc two essays on the Hugue
nots by Chicago public school pupils:
"The Hugouots are people In France
that are followers of Victor Hugo.
Their leader Is a man named Jean Val
Jean that waa a thief, bnt got con
verted and turned out well. The Hugo
nots are very good people. A lady
named Evangeline wrote a long poem
abobt them, but It don't rhyme."
"The Huguenots Is tbe name of a bis
thins; like n steam roller that the mo
gul used In India to run over people.
It squoehed them to death and waa
very terrible. It had eyes painted on
It like a dragon and snorted steam
when It waa running. ' They are no
huguenots enny more."
John Brlffht and Lord Mnnnera.
In one of his speeches In the house
of commons John Bright quoted In a
spirit of banter and ridicule the well
known lines written by Lord John
Manners lu his callow youth:
Let wealth and commerce, laws and learn
in die,
But leave us still our old nobility.
Lord John, who was present, Imme
diately got np and pulverized the great
tribune by retorting, "I would rather
be the foolish young man who wrote
those Hues than the malignant old man
who quoted them." .. . .
Moaart.
Mozart lived thirty-seven years. His
first mass was couqiosed when he was
less than ten years of age, and the
enormous quantity of his compositions
waa the work of the succeeding twenty-seven
years. Mozart wrote forty
one symphonies, fifteen masses, over
thirty operas and dramatic composi
tions, forty-one sonatas, together with
an Immense number of vocal aud con
certed pieces In almost every line of
the art ; :
All the World
is a stage, and Ballard's Snuvv Lini
m nt pla. -a a most prominent part. It
has no superior for rheumatism, stiff
pints, cuts, sprains, and all pains
Buy it, try it and you will always nse
it. Anybody who has used Ballard's
Hnow Liniment is a living proof ot what
it doe. Buy a trial bottle. 25c, 60c and
. Sold by Chas. N. Clarke.
Knapp's Millinery Store will be re
opened March 1st. Mrs. Knapp will
spend January and February in the
wholesale markets preparing for the
Spring Opening. j2
GRAPE VINES
AND
8
rftJ
ESTABLISHED 1900
Butler Banking Company
HOOD RIVER, OREGON
Capital Fully
Lksub BrrtER, "
. President
v J. YV. Fkbnch
Your
-Health
Is your best "asset. Proper health is most
essential to your happiness und welfare.
Pure air is an absolute necessity, and no
effort should be spared to keep it so in every
house. ' '
Where open-flame illuminants rob the air
of oxigen and turn it into carbonic acid gas,
pure air is an impossibility.
Air poisoned by the flame of a gas jet, or
that of an oil lamp is unfit for breathing
purposes and exercises a decidedly injurious
effect upon the occupant of the room.
Electric Light burning in an air-tight bulb
leaves the air of the room pure and fresh,
and furnishes a better, brighter and safer
light than any other medium.
We furnish the current and a phone mes
sage or postal from you will bring our representative.
ifsr Electric Lit,
J r.;:fc . bBp?
C. T. RAW'SON.
HOOD RIVER NURSERY.
Stock Grown on Full Roots.
We desire to let our friends and patrons know
that for the fall planting we will have and can sup
ply in any number
Cherry, Pear,Apricot,Peach& Plum Trees,
GRAPES, CURRANTS, BERRY PLANTS,
Shade and Ornamental Trees.
Also, all the standard varieties of apple trees. Can
supply the trade with plenty of Newtown, Spitzen
berg and Jonathan apple trees.
RAWSON & STANTON, Hood River, Or.
DAVIDSON
FRUIT
and Manufacturers of all kinds of
Fruit
Highest Prices Paid
Boys' Suits
$10.00 values reduced to $7.00
A full line Ladies', Misses' ncr
and Children's Golf Gloves
A L. CARMICHAEL
INCORPORATED 1905
Paid, $50,000
DIRECTORS
J. N. Tbal,
Vice Freeident.
Trcmak PcTLtn,
Caehier
R. T. Cox
A Present
Which will be Appreciated
Deposit One Dollar to
their credit in our Sav
- ings Department. Re
ceive a Dank Dook and
.Savings Bank Free.
4 Per Cent
We deliver without charge
First National Banh
F. H. BTANTOM
FRUIT CO
DEALERS
for High Grade Fruit.
Boxes
We are closing out a
line of Boys' Suits, all
wool long pants, Etc.
HOOT) UTVER HEIGHTS
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