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About The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 8, 1903)
One Life's Secret! El
A month passed. Louis had intended
to leave the chateau at the expiration of
month. It went by, but still he lingered;
and, as he had no pressing business else
where, he said to himself that the sum
mer might wear away as well here as in
places where he might not like so well to
stay. So he was in no hurry to depart.
Time passed very pleasantly at the
chateau. A great portion of his days was
passed Indoors, in the society of his un
cle and his beautiful cousin Helen; and
the remainder was spent in the open air,
In the oursuit of his favorite amuse
ments. Louis was as fond of sketching
as ever, and nearly every morniug he
anient have been seen roving about the
neighborhood In search of food for his
pencil, as we have already seen him, re
turning at noon, to display to Mademoi
selle Montauban the result of his labor;
though, on the first occasion of this kind,
It must be allowed that the exhibition of
his sketches was subjected to some slight
reserve, the oicture of Boss and her
dwelling being withheld. For what rea-
on, however, he himself, perhaps, scarce
ly knew at the time.
He had seen Rose two or three times
since that visit, both at the chateau and
at the cottage, where he had met her
father also. The admiration of Louis
for our pretty heroine certainly was by
no means on the decrease; while Hugh
I.amanta was an enigma to him. The pe
cullarlty of this man's appearance and
manners was a matter of no little per
plexity to him as to others. The gravity
and reserve of Hugh were so many sub
jects of mystery. But It was a mystery
not likely soon to be solved. Nobody
knew anything concerning him prevloua
to the time of his coming to occupy his
nresent abode. His former place of res
Idence was unknown. Conjecture had
done her best, and the mystery remained
a mystery still
Louis often spoke with his uncle on
this subject. The good marquis could
only shake his head In perplexity.
"He Is a strange man, that la all I
can say, my dear boy," said he; "and
yet there Is something about him which
attracts me. That lofty sternness which
he sometimes wears atrikes one moat
strangely. I never observe it without
thinking of "
. "Of what, monsieur?" asked Louis.
"Of my of Henri your uncle, my boy.
We quarreled once, he and I, and he
wore Just that look and manner after
ward. You never saw him, Louis." And
the food maraula sighed.
"What was the reason of the quarrel,
oncle?" asked Louis.
"It Is a long story. I cannot tell you
now," was the answer; "but, some day,
Derbaps, I will relate It to you."
It was no uncommon thing now for
Louts to encounter Jacques Leroux now,
In his usual strolls about the neighbor
hood. They often met; and the young
count feeling an interest In this rough,
but evidently honest-hearted fellow, who
had taken pains to render him a service,
spent many an hour In conversation with
him while reclining on the banks of the
, i ..,am r n v n trtiA In amrllnff- nr
roamlug over wood and hill, with his be
loved portfolio, for Louis was an unwear
And all this time Gasparde was away.
Hugh and Jacques alone knew where;
for the former, Hugh Lamonte, uneasy
at a neighborhod so little to be desired,
had dispatched him to manage the affairs
of that portion of the horde engaged In
. the contraband trade, well reasoning that,
being as far distant as the coast itself,
he had nothing unpleasant to apprehend
from him. Gasparde, as may be guessed,
had been no little dissatisfied with this
arrangement, and reaolved to return, se
cretly, as soon as an opportunity p re
It was one day when Louis had been
rambling about during the whole morn
ing that, wearied out, he threw himself
beneath the shadow of a tree to rest, in
the midst of a small grove half way be
tween the chateau and the cottage. He
bad a book with htm, and opening It, aoon
became deeply engaged In its perusal.
Perhaps he might have passed half an
hour thus. At the end of that time, how
ever, he closed It, and taking up his
a-un. which he had thrown on the turf
beside hiin, he took his way towsrds the
road, which was not many steps distant.
But he bad hardly reached it, ere a bul
let whistled through the air, struck his
left arm, ploughing up the flesh as It
went, amd continuing its course till it
lodged in the trunk of a large tree by the
It had evidently proceeded from some
olace very near the spot which he had
left; but he had no time to look for the
source of the compliment, for the warm
blood already poured down bis arm, sat
nratlng completely the sleeve which cot
ered it. Hastening on, he eat down by
the trunk of the tree which bad recelv
ed the bullet, and taking his handkerchief
out folded It into a bandage. At that
moment, raising his eyes, he beheld
Jacques Leroux coming along the road
' from the village. He called to him, and
the man ran up.
"What's the matter now, Monsieur
TiaiiT" he asked, in some surprise.
"Shot In the arm? Winged like a wild
fowll Why, what " He glanced at
the gun that the count had a gala laid
down, and Louis recognised the Impres
sion which he entertained.
"Well, my good fellow," he said, light
ly, despite the slight faintness he felt
from the loss of blood, you Co not thin
I would commit Intentional suicide do
you? and If I did, I should certainly se
lect a surer spot than this. But I am
lad you are here. This one-handed work
la rather awkward. Just fasten the band
age about It tightly. If you please so.
That la It. Be sure the knot Is fast."
And during this time Louis had con
eluded, aince Jacques had drawn hia own
Inferences, to let him keep them, and tell
blm nothing concerning the actual state
of the matter; for thought had sud
denly occurred to Llm, as he endeavored
to account for the case himself, which
made him resolvo to trust hia own dex
terlty In finding out the truth, and keep
ileal on the subject until them. For
whoever had fired this shot at him was
an enemy, aince he could not bring him
elf to believe the deed unintentional.
And what enemy had he besides Gas
Louis passed several days in deep rcBec
tloa. A double object occupied his at
tention, which was, Id part, the discov
ery of the present whereabouts of Gss-
Darde. whom he believed to be in the
neighborhood without the knowledge of
Hugh Lamonte; the other point the read
er will presently understand.
A bait-perfected scheme mas in pro-
finally laid it out to hi own eatiufac-
By this time hia arm was almost en-
tlrelv heuled. He had remained witDin
doora for some daya; but now resumed hi
nsual out-of-door amusements, taung
good care, however, to avoid every place
wherein a foe might lie concealed.
Borne careleas inquiries which he maae
of Kose and her father, assured him that,
even if Gasparde were In the neighbor
hood, they were unconaclous or it. am
resolved to set watch, however, to as
certain the amount of correctnesa In his
One day, very ahortiy arter me occur
rences above recorded, Louis received let
ters from Lyons which seemed to inter
est him very deeply. Business of some
Importance, be announced, oungea mm io
leave the chateau sooner than he had In
tended. The good marqul expressed the
utmost concern and regret at neanng
"Wbyy my dear Louie," said he, "I
counted on keeping you for months yet
Why will you go? Surely you can sud
mlt to your agent, or avocet, all affairs
of business for the present.
"My dear uncle, the case Is Jmpera-
tive," answered the count.
"Then, as soon as thta anair la trans
acted, you will return to us? I will hear
of no refusal."
"I promise you, monsieur, 1 wm re
Helen Montauban had waited sneniiy
for the decision. She made no attempt to
urge Louis to prolong his stay. She did
not even express a regret at the an
nouncement of his intended departure on
the following day; but closer oDserver
might have Been the emotion which she
felt. And she received the parting kiss
of her handsome cousin with smile.
"My dear Helen," he said, franltiy, tail
ing her hand In his, "tell me that you
are (orry to bid me adieu, or I shall not
"I do regret your departure, Louis," she
anawered, In a low, clear tone; "but why
should I display It? You ssy your busi
ness Is Imperative, and I would not detain
you. Besides, you are to return."
"Yea I shall return," he echoed.
"Adieu, sweet cousin 1"
"Louis," said the marquis, a he ac
companied hia nephew to the gate of the
court, "you must mind and come back
as soon aa possible. If the plan which
I mentioned the other day succeeds, Rose
will be an Inmate of the chateau before
winter. Poor little Rose! one cannot but
wish to see her In such circumstances as
seem more befitting her. Helen needs
friend and companion, too, and both
will be benefited. If Hugh Lamonte will
consent to part with her, she shall come.
The first thing that put this plan into my
thought was the persecutions of that fel
low Gasparde. I wished to remove her
from his way. To be sure, he is not here
at preaent, but then there la no knowing
how soon he may return. I shall talk
with Hugh I shall talk with him; and
Helen will use her influence, too, I know,
for she likes Rose. So when you return,
yon may, perhaps, find another cousin,
not conceal. Hia countenance was w,
frank and pleaaing one; the feature in
disputably handsome, and the complexion
lightly darkened, evidently by exposure
to sun and wind; while the simple open
ness and honesty of hi manner could not
fail to please one.
At the Invitation of Hugh Lamonte he
entered and aat down, tatlng that he
bad come from Avallon, and deaired to
obtain employment In tbia neighborhood.
"What kind -of employment do you
aeek?" aaked Hugh.
"I am gardener, monsieur," answered
the young man, respectfully, "and If I
could have the care of garden some
where about here "
"Rut." intermDted Hugh. In a thought
ful tone, "we do not need gardener about
hare. I7n In the village, where the peo
ple are all farmers, they take care of
their own gardens. Besides, It Is late la
the. uann for that work.
The young man blushed as he returned:
"O. I know that, monsieur I know
that; but 1 would be willing to work for
so much the less."
"nnd! But still. I think It is not very
likely that you will find employment of
tht kind. If It were the spring Instead
of near the autumn now, perhaps the
marquia might take you. But as It la,
m.) think nf something else. You
reallv in need of work, I suppose?"
"Yea, monsieur. I bring a certificate
from my former master.
"Who was he?"
"Ths Pnmnta d'Artols. monsieur."
"The ComDte d'Artoisl" Hugh regard
ed the young man fixedly for moment,
till th rari mar flushed into his cheek
coin "Ijt ms see Your certificate. If
vnu nleaae." he aald.
The man drew it forth and gave It to
Hush. It aaid simply:
"This certifies that the bearer, Robin
Marron, la Industrious, honest and tem
nerate. and will be found faithful and
trustworthy by whoever may need hi eer-
LOUIS. COMPTE D'ARTOIS."
"That 1 well," said Hugh, quietly, aa
he returned the paper, "and speak ex-i-Mlentlv
for vou. Master Robin. But It
will not be of much use here, I am afraid.
Is there nothing else you could do?"
"Oh, yes, monsieur," answered Robin.
"I like this neighborhood, and I have
some fancy for farm work. Doubtlea I
could make myself useful to some of your
"Well, It 1 a busy time, and there la
every chance for one who come recom
mended like you. Extra work-people are
wanted by several of the farmers. There
la Antoiue Lebrun and Pierre Martin,
both of whom I know need one or two
more men. They live something like
mile or two beyond here. You will, with
out doubt, find work among some of
"Thank you. I will try them," return
ed Robin, rising, and taking up hia stick
and bundle, which be had laid beside him
on the floor.
(To be continued.)
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INGS HERE AND THERE.
Joke and Jokeleta that Are Bnppoaed
to Have Been Hecently Born-Bejlaae
and Doing, that Are Old, Carloaa and
Langhable-The Week's Humor. .
HarduDDMy wife Is alck, doctor.
What will you charge lor attending
Physician-Three dollar a visit.
Hardupp Well er-we don't care to
entertain visitor. Couldn't you mage
It a ten-minute call for a dollar?
A Tonus Anatoiiist.
Some daya ago two little fellows of
and 8 year heard older people
peaking of skeletons. The 7-year-old
boy listened intently to the conversa
tion, when the elder boy, with an air
of superior knowledge, said abruptly:
You dou't know what a skeleton 1,
and I do."
"So do I!" replied the younger. "I
do know. I know for certain, I do!"
Well, now, what Is it?"
If bones with the people off!"
Preparing; tor the Bill.
Wederly I'm learning to swear in
Singleton Because why?
Wederly Because my wife has
transferred her patronage to a French
He Was Nearsighted.
A BRITON'S IDEA OF FREEDOM.
Hunrouiaater (bowing politely to
scarecrow) The man Is certainly
ragged-looking, but he la Indeed polite.
Wherein They Differ.
Little Wlllle-Say. pa. what' the
difference between a lunch and
Pa-A lunch, my son, Is a light din
ner and a luncheon Is a light lunch.
"Your plan is an excellent one, my dear
uncle," returned the young man, "and
wish you all success. Depend upon It,
the endeavors which you and my cousin
make, for the benefit of Rose, will not be
The gate of the court closed; the guest
Slowly rode master and man down the
valley to the little inn by the roadside,
and here Louis dismounted. Immediate
ly, aa ha did ao, there came from an
inner room a young man, wno, appearing
at the door, made a respectful obeisance
to Louis, saying:
"Ah! monsieur; you ee I am punc
"Good!" answered the count "How
long have you been here?"
"Three hours fully, 1 tnink."
"That Is well. I see you do not forget
your master'a habits. But come; we must
have a room in private for a little while.
Francois!" to his valet, "get down and
wait awhile. I wish to transact some pri
vate business with this person. Come,
You have cot your spade and ita ac
companiments with you, i presume?" In
quired the young count of the man he bad
met, as the two entered a little room to
"Yes, Indeed, Monsieur Louis, and one
or two changea of apparel. It Is for no
more than a month or two, I think you
"That la all."
"Then I dare say I brought sufficient
with me; more than that might be
thought auperfluous, you know. We
must be natural.
Yes yes. Robin. It Is all right fcbut
the door now, and be careful there Is no
chance for eavesdroppers."
They went In, and the door waa clea-
ed upon them.
Some twenty mlnutea might have elaps
ed when it waa re-opened and they came
forth again, the young count etriking
from his varnished boot one or two
straws with his riding switch, and bend
ing his head to conceal a smile that curv
ed hia mustached lip; while hia compan
ion, with less apparent restraint was
laughing outright a low, musical, but
hearty laugh. He quickly grew grave,
however, and aald, aloud, as they pro
ceeded to the outer door, where the inn
keeper waa atill standing, and endeavor
ing to draw the usually gruff Francois
into something like conversation:
"You think, then, monsieur le compte.
that I ahall get employment aomewbere
"O, doubtless doubtless, Robin!" was
the reply. "You will have my certificate
of character, If it is required; but your
face will do aa well, if I am not mistak
"Well well! I aeed not tell you to bo
have yourself, Robin. I wish that you
may meet with good fortune."
"Thank you, monsieur," returned, the
other, gratefully. "I ahall endeavor to
do credit to your recommendation."
"Ah well!" muttered Francois, cross
ly, as be mounted his own little hack,
and glanced surlily enough towacd his
master: "if young people will turn Into
wild geese. I do not know who will re
peat but themselves."
On the day of the couat's departure
from the Cbatean Montauban, there stop
ped at the cottage of Hugh Lamonte a
young peasant dressed io" roars but
neat garb, and carrying across his shoul
der a heavy stick, on which swung a bun
dle aestly tied op In a large cotton handkerchief.
This persoa wss of something above the
It Was to Boll Himself on the Whit
Hons Lawn, and Ua Did It
"I never go to Washington that I do
not think of a young Englishman who
went around the city with me a dozen
rears ago," Bald a man who bad Just
returned from the Inauguration cere
monies. "We saw everything that ther
was to be seen. He was pleased with
everything, and he said so; but the
thing that Impressed blm most was the
lack of formality and the absence of
"He never tired talking of this and
comparing the simplicity of the ar
rangements In Washington with the
way the rulers of Europe are guarded.
Particularly he was Impressed by the
fact that any one who wished was al
lowed to go into the White House
grounds, and wander around without
showing any passes or credentials of
"Well, one day we were wandering
around and we went up past the White
House. The Englishman stopped and
watched the stream of men and women
going Into the grounds.
" 'By Jove,' he said, 'It Is wonderful
and no mistake. Why, they let you do
just as you please. Do you know, I
think that If a fellow wanted to he
could go In there and roll over on the
lawn and there wouldn't be a person'
who would think of speaking to htm
about It' 'Of course, no one would
speak to him about it,' I said. 'What
more, if you want to do It I'll stay here
and watch you, and if any one does
say anything about it I'll help you lick
" 'Will you?' he said.
" 'I mean It,' I said.
"He looked at me for a minute and
then be walked Into the White Hous
grounds. There was a crowd there, but
no one pnld the least attention to him.
He went out on the lawn, right In front
of the main entrance to the building,
and lay down flat on bis back. Then
he rolled over three times, slowly and
deliberately. Then be got up and
walked out of the grounds, as happy aa
though he bad found $10,
"As for me," said the boastful stran
ger, "I don't know what fear
"Ah," observed the man who car
ried one eye In a allng, "then you are
A (Spare Room,
We're a trifle upset," said the man
who lives In a flat. "Had to take all
our winter clothes out of the ball
"Why, how was that?"
"To put up a cot In it; friend from
out of town dropped in yesterday and
spent the night with us." Philadel
GEO. P. CROVELL,
i Successor to I. L. Smith,
;ttbllshed House In the velley.1
Paid far Her Trouble.
Tess Roxley's young widow has $2,-
000,000, I hear.
Jess Yes; but Just think of earning
that much money in one year.
Test Why, she didn't earn the
jess Of course she did. Wasn t she
married to him for a year? Philadel
Willie Er darling, w-w-hnt are
those heavy sounds on the stairs?
Madge That's only papa walking In
Willie (skeptically) Does er d-
doe he sleep with bis shoes on? Bal
Woree than Lottery.
"Love, after all Is a lottery."
"It's worse than that, my boy, for
when a man draws a prize it frequent
ly costs him all he's got." Detroit
One of Manv.
MIfkins How doe your friend
Hooker spend his time since he retired
from active business?
Bifklns Oh, he fishes all summer
and lies about it all winter.
Putting Him Wise.
He (on the beach) What a pity to
go into the water with that pretty
She Oh, I am not going Into the
water. This Is the suit I take my sun
Never Wore Them.
"That chap must have come out here
to starve," said Amber Pete.
"Why so?" asked the new arrival In
the Western town.
"He's a collar salesman."
"Superstition is a great thing," said
the returned explorer.
"Speaking from experience?" asked
the close friend.
"Yes, sir. Why, on the last voyage,
when we were Just about to famish,
every man discovered a rabbit's foot
in hi pocket, and we bad rabbit-foot
"They are a family of marked social
' "Why marked?"
"So people will know It, I suppose."
Clerk Here Is an order from Smiths
for two quarts of berries, but It
doesn't say what kind.
Grocer Send them blllberrles. Tbey
owe us over a hundred dollar.
Victimised at Last.
, JL TUT 'L
Mendicant Can you help a poor man
Fat Party-1 am sorry I am too stout
to grant your request, but I have a big
bouncer In the other room, and he will
give you any assistance you need.
What Always Happens.
She Your proposal was quite unex
He That being the case, you should
have been prepares! for It.
She Because why?
HeBecause it's the unexpected
that always happens, you know.
FootDad Lummy, blowed if
. . . . M . I la. fl m A
-a. ui a mmi bloom in uuei am. oia uu
jNO one luuneu ai uiiu, auu u una
spoke to him; to roll over on the White . pmcnea my poc.et
. .... . ..
House lawn might nave oeen me prop
er thing to do so far aa the attention
that It attracted went The English-
Caaaht on the Rcboaad.
"No," said the fair proprietor of the
refrigerator heart "I cannot be your
man said that if he had acted that way w,fe feut n, t t0 you ,
In any of the capitals on the other side,
he would have been locked up as a
dangerous character. He was very
"Thanks, awfully," rejoined tha
youth who was left at the poet "If
there is one thing I need more than
proud of bis exploit and I suppose that .,. .in.rw aiar.r to look
he is stll! 1 telling the story of It in En- t mt from making
cland."-Xew lork Sun. I - . . ;,,
At the mounted game of Squadron
A. not so many years ago, a brigbt
Hia Kaowledae of .
"Bom physicians declare," remark
young jnan sat between two pretty ed the statistician, "that there 1 as
girls. In the potato race a trooper oi mucn irengrn in a ui vi
the name of Bellamy came in second, in a pouna or neei.
"Ah! I am so sorry." exclaimed one - "Huhf snorted the actor, "are yon
of the fair ones. "It seemed once as sure they mentioned boef or Llmburg-
though he would win." ' er cheese T" Philadelphia Pre.
"But," said tu bright young man,
"he waa looking backward" (which
had been true).
! medium height, light and athletic in form.
grees of completion. For a time, as we and with straight shapely limbs, whoa
have said, he meditateJ on this, and grace and activity bis rude dreta could
"He wasn't" snapped the girt. "H
never turned around once."
Now the bright young man says h
will probably go through life and never
see another Bellamy looking backward.
Such Is the fate of a punster. New
York Evening Sun. I
Won id NeTer Do, .
"I was thinking," said the architect,
"that you might call the house The
"Not on your life," protested the pro
prietor of the new theater, "that would
be a hoodoo from the start Tne cres
cent is never full."-rhiiadeiphis
A machine that wasbea and dries 8,
000 dishes an hour has bees Invented,
and It 1 guarauted tbat plates, cups,
saucers, and other dishes come out ot
the wash without a scratch.
Her Laat Chaaca.
"That man, my dear, who courts Uiaa
'la ratfcer faat, they aay."
"He'll have to be quit fast or ah
. Won't let Wm get away."
Friend How did you ever got that
beautiful red sunrise. -
Artist I sketched a tomato. ,
Which la Wlssat
The Optimlit Sunthlne always fol
low rain. -
The Pessimist Rain always follows
sunshine. Somerr ills Journal
f harp TraTst
The Actor Do many actors come to
The Farmer Should say so. Why,
I can t keen a fenre because the boys
use all the rails to ride them out of
All In the Family.
He Will you be my wife?
She Certainly not.
He Then will you grant me one fa
She What Is It?
He Be a mother to me. Father Is
going to propose to you to-night.
Ihen lie Pondered.
Rose Isn't It funny, Mr. Sapp, how
one person's feelings affect others?
Charlie Sapp How do you mean?
Rose Why, you said you felt better
when you traveled, and so did every
one around here.
When the postman brought the wid
ow only a bill for her mourning gowns.
she burst Into tears.
"How cruel and Indelicate to make
me think of earthly things when my
rlef Is so new!" she walled. "Be
sides, the gowns don't fit!"
- Some women are close observers and
all women are clothes oDservers,
, A Long Jeb.
Newsum I suppose you heard that
Bragg had committed suicide.
Orewsum You mean Bragg, the
Grewsum Well, well; so he finished
himself at last, eh? rnnaaeipnia
Catching Klnsj-Tatl Monkey.
Ring-tail monkeys, on of the most
valuable and expensive of the smaller
animals, are caught In an Interesting
war. A cocoa nut 1 split In two and a
banana with a piece of wood running
through It placed lengthwise through
the nut, the two halve of which are
drawn together by wire. Then a hole
la cut large enough for the monkey's
paw to enter. The monkey spies the
tempting nut from his tree, u oop
down, looks It over, sees the hole and
smells the banana Inside. He is fond
of bananas. Putting his paw in. m
grasps It, but the wood prevents It
from coming out Then the catchers
acnear and the monkey runs for a tree.
But he cannot climb because of th
cocoanut on his paw and be will not let
go of that, so he la captured, pawing
wildly at a tre trunk. .
Gerald Can you give me no hope?
Geraldlne None whatever. I'm going
to marry you. Town Topics.
When it come to opening up a new
country," remarked the Observer of
Events and Things, "there is nothing
can beat a volcano." Yonkers States
man. Jack Lover (expecting an outburst of
grief) And what would you say It I
should take your sister from you 7 kit
tle Helen (quietly and politely) Thank
Madge Miss Autumn's name was
printed In the paper, but ber age
wasn't mentioned. Marjorie Of course
not. That girl's age is unfit for publl
"Faith. Mrs. O'nara, how d'ye till
tlilm twins apart?" "Aw, 'tis alsy I
sticks my finger in Dinnis' mouth, an
If he bite I know It's Molke." Har
Scribbler Would you call yourself
a poet or simply a versifier? Scrawler
Well, when the editor lights nis pip
with my stuff it's a case of verse afire.
Gossip proof: Mrs. Crawford Have
thev much money? Mrs. Crabshaw
Why. they're so rich that, If they pre-
tarraa thev could afford to stay In
- - - , 4
town all summer. Smart Set.
Tommy Mamma, what made people
in old New York wear those great big
ruffs around their necks? Mamma
That is how our first families learned
to hold up their heads, my son. Judge.
Further Information: "Now," said
the teacher, "can you tell me anytnmg
about Hiawatha?" "Yes," replied little
Henrv: "It's the tune that made Long
fellow famous." Chicago Record-Her
The Friend And so you don't trust
vour lawyer? The Farmer No, sir,
He and the lawyer on the other side
are too awfully polite. Don't call each
other no names at alL" Kansas City
Oracular Reassurance: She I trust,
Jack, our marriage will not be agalnt
vour father's will. Jack I'm sure,
hope not; It would be mighty hard
for ua If he should change it lown
The professional man he needed
Mike Are ye much hurted, Pat? Do
ve want a docthor? rat A docthor,
ye fule! Afthcr beln' runned over be
a throlley car? That Oi want is
A Lack of Coincidence: Downer
am clad it is good form not to wear
watch with a dress suit. Upper Why?
Downer Because I never have had
my watch and my dress suit at the
same time. Pick-Me-Lp.
Photographer Don't assume such
a fierce expression. Look pleasant
Murphy Not on your life. My wife
going to 6end one of these pictures to
her mother, and if I look pleasant
she'll come down on a visit." rhlla
"Is this Mr. Lancaster?" "Yes.
If you have half a minute to spare
I'd like to show you iou
needn't. I'll subscribe for It, all right
You're the first book agent that ever
came here that didn't call me Lank
sfr." Chicago Tribune.
"Of course," said the boasting colo
nel, "there are some who might doubt
my valor at Gettysburg because i aia
not lost an arm or a ieg. vu, uu
let that worry you," spoke up litti
Richard; "I beard papa say you lost
your bead." Philadelphia Record.
Civic Jealousy. Visitor You haven
got half as nice a cemetery here as we
have In Elmvllle. Prominent citizen
(of Hawville) No, I've always heard
that the cemetery Is the only part of
your town that holds out any induce
ments for permanent residents. Chi
"How savagely that cow looks at
me," said the typewriter boarder from
the city. "I reckon as heow it be on
account uv that air red waist yew've
got on, miss," answered the old farm
er. "Dear me!" exclaimed the key-
toying maid; "of course it isn t quite
up to date, but I'd no Idea a country
cow would notice it" Chicago Dally
As the steamer "Neptune" was leav
ing the harbor of Athens a well-dressed
young lady passenger approacnea tne
captain, and, pointing to the distant
bills, Inquired, "nat is mai wnirej
tuff on the hills, captain?" "That is
snow, madam," answered the captain.
"Is It, really?" remarked the lady. "I
thought so myself, but a gentleman
has Just told me it was Greece."
A filial child: A certain nobleman,
well known to society, while one day
strolling round his etabltn, came across
bla coachman mue uoy on a seai,
playing with his toys. After talking
to the youngster a short time, be said:
"Well, my little man, ao you now
who I em?" "Oh, yes," replied the
youngster; "you r the man that rides
in my father's carriage!" Tit-Bits.
Former Suburbanite (astounded)
You don't mean to tell nie that you
have 50 chicken and you are still on
speaking terms with your next-door
neighbors?" Suburbanite (smilingly)
That's exactly the case. Former Sub-
nrhanlte Keen 'em cooped up, eh?
Suburbanite Not on your life! You
see, the day I bought the fool fowl
I made a bluff at driving them out of
my garden, and pretty soon they
thought they belonged to my uelgh
bors, so since then they stick to my
garden like glue! Brooklyn Life.
Dry Goods, Groceries,
Boots and Shoes,
lour and Feed, etc.
Tina nld- established house will con
tinue to pay cash for all its goods; it
pays no rent; it employs a ciera, wi
does not have to divide with a partner.
All dividends are made with customers
in the way of reasonable prices.
Have opened an office in Hood River.
Call and get prices and leave orders,
which will be promptly filled.
Published Every Thursday
$1.50 A YEAR.
Advertising, 50 cents per inch, single
column, per month; one-half inch or
lets, 25 cents. Reading notices, 6 cents
a line each insertion.
THE GLACIER prints all the local
news fit to print.
When vou ste it in THE GLACIS. H
you may know that others see it.
PORTLAND AND THE DALLES ROUTE
All Way Landings.
"BARKY GATZERT" "IUIXEB CITY"
KKUULATOK" METLAKO" .
Connecting at I.yle, Wash., with "
Columbia River & Northern Railway Co.
Wahkeaenn. Paly, OentervUle, Goldendale and
an KUCKiiai vaney poiuui.
Steamers leave Portland daily (except Sun
day) 7 a. m., connecting with O. R. N. tra nt
at I.yle 6:1 p.m. tor Uuldendale, arrives Ihe
Dalles 6:3U p. in.
stramer leave The Dalles daily (except Sun
day) 7 .80 a. m.
n .& hi train. lAtvlnff flnldflnri ala fi:lfi a.
m. connects with thin steamer for Portland, ar
riving Portland S p. m.
Hteamer MetiaKo piYina; oeiwwiii
Locks and The Dalles, leaves Casrade Loess
daily (except Sunday) 6 a. m . arrives The
Dalles li :80 a. m. LeavesThe Dalles 8 p. m., ar
rive. Cancade Locks p. m. ...
The steamer Ualley Gatiert leaves Portland 7
a. m. Tuesday. Thursdays and Haturdays;
leaves The Dalles 7 a. m. Mondays, Wednesdays
snd Fridays. Round trip tickets between thetie
points SO cents. Good on Steamer "Bailey
Oatzert" only, affording an excellent opportu
nity to view the magnllicent scenery of the
Kxcellent meals served on all steamers. Fine
accommodation, (or teams and wagons.
For detailed information oi rates, berth res
trvstions, connections, etc.. write or call on
nearest agent. H. C. Campbell,
(ien. olllce, Portland, Or. Manager.
Beele & Morse Agents, Hood River, Or.
The Oases of Prevention.
Cbolij Wbat makes you think old
Niggard tbougbt you bad come to blm
to borrow-money i
Jack Oh, be began talking . right
away about bow hard up he waa.
Ihe Military Spirit in Canada.
Figures have Just been published
which the Canadian preas claims ss an
Indication of the military spirit which
animates young Canada. Tbe State
of New York has a population of near
ly 2,000,000 more than the entire Do
minion of Canada, yet Its national
guard has an enrollment of only 14,'
408 men. Canada, on tbe other hand.
bas 85,000 men In Its active ml'.ltla.
and thousands of others who havo
gone through mliltla tralr.lr.g and are
now on the retired list,
and Union Pacific
D.r,W "ya" "'
Chicago Salt Lake, Denver, 4:10 p.m.
Portland Ft. Worth.Omaha,
Special Kansas City, St.
1:20 a. m. Louis.Chlcagoaud
AHantlo Bt. Paul Fast Mail. 10:30 a. m.
I IS p.m.
St. Paul Atlantic Express. 7:tfia.m.
fl0 p. m.
PORTLAND TO CHICAGO
No Change Of Cars.
Lowest Rates. Quickest Time.
OCEAN AND RIVER SCHEDULE
.. All sailing dates t:Mf.Bk
subject to change
For 8aa Francisco
tail every 4 uara
Pally Cekmtla River Soep. at.
Ix. Sunday Steaaiera. Is. Sunday
Saturday Te Astoria and Way
10:01) p. m. Landings,
t ut n wlttaaietta Slyer. t tOp m.
Hon., Wed. Tuea.Thtt,
and Fri. Salem, Indepen- feat,
and ay landings.
1:00 a. as. YeaihW Itta. 4 N a. m.
taaa.. That. Mob- Wa4
and Bat. Oregon City, Dayton am) Fit.
aud aay landings.
Lv. R I pert a aake Uter. Lv.Lewtste
4:4 a. aa. I (X) a. as.
tally exospt Klparla la Lewlatoa Daily exeeat
aaturday j j Friday.
A. L. CRAIO,
teaarel rasesnger Agaat. FarUaaa. Of.
M. B.OAB, agent, a Klvae.